


Always Mine

by L0kiL0v3r



Series: The Legend of Loki and Ele [2]
Category: Loki Fandom, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Asgard, Awesome Frigga, Awkwardness, Beach Sex, Body Paint, Caretaking, Civilian Loki, Comfort Sex, Concussions, Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, Dream Sex, Drunken Shenanigans, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Family Fluff, Fear of Flying, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Food Sex, Friendship, Gentle Sex, Good Loki, Hurricanes & Typhoons, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jealous Loki, Jötunn Loki, Loki Angst, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki Has Issues, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki is Not Amused, Loki-centric, Love, Magic, Magical Tattoos, Masturbation, Meeting the Parents, Memory Alteration, Memory Magic, Mentioned Forced Abortion, Miscarriage, Miðgarðr | Midgard, Morning Cuddles, Morning Kisses, Morning Sex, Moving In Together, Naked Cuddling, Non-Graphic Violence, Nude Photos, Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex, POV Thor, Past Relationship(s), Pillow & Blanket Forts, Plans For The Future, Post-Coital Cuddling, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Kink, Protective Loki, Public Masturbation, Reconciliation, Recovered Memories, Reflection, Relationship Discussions, Repressed Memories, Semi-Public Sex, Skinny Dipping, Sleepy Cuddles, Smut, Sneaky Frigga, Table Sex, Thor Is a Good Bro, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:20:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 48
Words: 280,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5732620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L0kiL0v3r/pseuds/L0kiL0v3r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three and a half years into her banishment from Asgard, Ele is learning to live a life without her dark prince. Robbed of her memories and thrust into hard times, she must try to put together the pieces of her life after Loki. Despite her best efforts, these last few years have been full of obstacles that threaten to break her spirits.Then one green-eyed stranger takes an interest. The fallen prince has sought out his ladylove and will stop at nothing to reclaim what was stolen from him. This is the start of their journey...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Five Hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the sequel to Dark Horse. Always Mine is the continuation of that storyline and will include massive spoilers from the previous part of the series. If you have not read Dark Horse, I strongly recommended you do before reading any farther. If you don't care about spoilers, Always Mine _can_ stand alone, but you’ll be missing a lot of background and references from Dark Horse. The choice is yours.

Late afternoon and people still want their damn coffee. I'd given up trying to understand the need for a caffeine rush at this hour. Though that didn’t make it any less irritating. It wasn’t my money they were spending. It was easy to forget that not everyone avoided coffee as much as I did. I was too high strung to intentionally get more wired with a cup o’ joe. The jitters and the panic attacks weren’t worth it. I almost wished that Christa would close shop earlier but that’d be a waste of a wish. She would keep her doors open for as long as people would come to spend their money. Even though it pained me to say so, I depended on their money just as much as her business did.

“What can I get for you?” I asked, glancing up at the customer. He stepped to my register and proceeded to stare at the menu for a while longer. _Please take as much time as you can._ I’d been on my feet since opening this morning and I was more than eager for my shift to end. I couldn’t care less what this guy wanted, in fact, _I wanted_ to tell him where he could shove his scalding hot drink. 

I could already hear him now complaining to my boss. Just the thought of the hassle was enough to dissuade me. I needed this job too much to get fired because this weirdo who needed his caffeine fix at 6 pm. I kept all of this to myself of course, appearing to patiently listening to him fumble over the menu. It was easy to tell which customers weren’t regulars or were tourists. They never could get the names of the drinks right. “Christa’s Coffee House” was something of a local icon. 

Ever since the shop been featured in that travel magazine a few years ago it had become a bit of pretentious status symbol to be seen in here. Working here was much less glamorous. Just the smell of coffee filled me with a sense of dread and nausea now. Similar to the queasiness that taking these people’s orders managed to evoke. “I think I’ll have the salted caramel latte.” He said finally settling on one of the best sellers. _Why doesn’t anyone just want a black coffee? No one ever wants the easy drinks. Sure, make Ele combine forty-five ingredients, she doesn’t mind._

“And your name?” I asked. With one hand I collected a cup and the other I grabbed the marker from the side of the register. This uncharacteristic coordination of mine was the result of excessive hours spent taking orders. I scribbled his name onto the cup before taking the cash from his outreached hand. After I gave him his change, I stepped away from the register to make his order. 

My day hadn’t been going badly enough. Fate had it in for me I was sure. When I went to steam the milk the pressure of the steam exploded free from the fixture. I lost my grip on the cup, splashing the piping hot froth onto my hand in addition to being scolded by the steam, “Fuck!” The metal cup clattered the floor, making an even bigger scene than my shouted expletive had. As quickly as I could I put my hand under the faucet and turned on the cold water, begging myself not to cry. _Not here. Please don’t cry here._ If a single tear slipped free I wouldn’t be able to stop.

“Eleanor, come with me.” Christa urged, taking me by the elbow. I didn’t want to face her. I didn’t want to have her of all people witness one my wonderful meltdowns. I agreed with a slight nod and kept my eyes low as we went into the back office. “Let me see?” Christa asked. She pulled the first aid kit from the top of the cabinet.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be alright.” I argued, unable to keep my voice from trembling. I wasn’t convincing but that was the strongest protest I could manage.

“Ele, I have half a mind to call an ambulance.” She said abruptly. _That **cannot** happen._

“Fine, just don’t touch it.” I grumbled. I extended my hand for her to look at, embarrassed of the way it trembled. 

“Ele you need to go to a hospital. This is serious.” She urged. Up to this point I’d never seen her show an ounce of concern for me. It was so out of character that I didn’t believe it was genuine.

“No.”

“Eleanor, I’m not asking—“

“And neither am I. Give me some something to wrap it with?” I demanded.

Christa didn’t want to give me my way but her hands were tied. She couldn’t force me to go to the emergency room. The worst that she could do would be to give the rest of the day off, which I would prefer in any case. Now I did my best to keep the magnitude of my suffering to myself. There was no way in hell I would ever willingly walk into another hospital again. 

“Why are you being so stubborn? This must be excruciating. You don’t want this to scar do you?” She asked. _That isn’t going to happen but it wouldn’t be the first._ Her voice even took on a softened tone, as if that would be enough to convince me. I shook my head, putting her concerns out of mind. I didn’t owe her an explanation and I wasn’t about to waste my time trying to fabricate one, “I’ll be fine.” I replied.

“I should send you home.” She mused with a contemplative sigh. _But you won’t._ I didn’t say anything, hoping that she would. Yet, I knew Christa well enough to know that I would have to die on the floor before she’d gift me any time off. I suspected that the only reason that she was pretending to care this much about my injury was in an attempt to keep me from filing suit for that faulty equipment. The unit that I’d been complaining about for three months and six days. Sure, I could have sued and I’d have had a compelling case against her but I had neither the time nor the resources to even begin to litigate this. “We’re already down to two baristas and I just approved Gavin’s time off. I was going to tell you that I needed you to cover his shift tonight.” She said finally. _Like I thought. Not going home._

“Whatever you need.” I answered, caging my anger. I couldn’t protest too loudly because I needed the hours. I was barely making ends meet as it was. With my loan repayments, rent, and bills, there was barely had enough to live on after all was said and done. Hell, most times I ended up with nothing to live on. Therefore saying no even in this situation wasn’t something that I had the luxury of doing. _Not this month anyway._ The misery of second-degree burns wasn’t even enough for me to turn down a fatter paycheck. 

“You can take your break and a few minutes extra. When you’re able, I want you on cashier for the rest of the night.” Christa declared. _Splendid._ She left me in her office and the all too familiar frustration began to bloom. It was suffocating and I felt like I was going to burst yet I knew I couldn’t. I would keep this anger closed up inside like I did with every other emotion that I couldn’t bare to express or that circumstance wouldn’t allow me to purge. 

My pride told me to pull myself together, but pain detracted from this resolve. In equal fervor came the tears that I’d managed to lock away. They were from the pain as much as they were from the repressed emotions that I kept bottled inside. I felt myself teetering on the brink of collapse under the weight of the struggle I fought to overcome each day. No matter how much I tried, I always fell short and today was no different. 

I wiped my eyes to swipe away the few escaped tears. _Five more hours._ Then I dressed my wound and slipped out of the office to go to my locker. With a great amount of discomfort I twisted the knob of my combination lock until I could snatch open my locker. I reached into my purse getting my travel bottle of painkillers. Then because of my bandages I fought with the cap. When I managed to get the top off, I almost dropped the bottle and the pills rained onto the floor. Every thing that could go wrong had in the last ten minutes. I took the only two tablets remaining from the bottle and tossing them back dry. _Just five more hours._

Soon my break was over and I knew that even second-degree burns weren’t going to keep Christa from docking my pay for every extra minute that I took. So I returned to the register putting on a strong face when inside I was barely holding onto my sanity. Five hours never seemed like such a long time until they were spent in this place, rotting alive inside my uniform shirt. If I could get a better job, I would in a heartbeat but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. 

Sometimes I looked back on a time when I was optimistic, when I could look at my future with hope or at the least something other than crippling dread. There used to be a time when I believed I would be the person buying coffees and rushing off in my business suit. I wasn’t supposed to be here in this hideous apron fixing them. But dwelling only made me feel worse worse. This was my reality, so there was no use is getting angry over something that couldn’t be changed. I turned my attention back to the store, watching the customers thin the closer to closing we drew. 

“Close out your till, then I need you to mop the front. Someone really didn’t like their drink so clearly pouring it on the floor was the most logical reaction.” She said shaking her head. With a slow breath I nodded, refusing to look up at her. She would see the distain in my eyes if I did. I preferred Christa only be able to guess at how much I hated her, as apposed to the precise metric in my eyes. 

On her way to the back, Christa asked Alex to lock up. I glanced over my register and noticed that someone was still seated in one of the armchairs near the bookshelves. Though the wall obstructed most of my view, I was sure that there was a person in the corner. All that I could make out from here was the worn bag resting next to the chair and his shoes. The satchel was tattered and torn in some places. As over packed as the bag was, it looked like he was carting around everything he owned. When Alex went to pass me to lock the doors I stopped him, the back of my hand landing against his shoulder. “We can’t lock up with him still here.” I whispered. I was a little unsettled that we’d started closing with a customer still in the store. 

I didn’t give a rat’s ass if Christa got robbed but I didn’t want to get caught in the crossfire. I’d sell her out so fast it wouldn’t even be funny. “Go tell him to leave then.” Alex retorted impatiently brushing past me. 

“Alex I really don’t want to do that—“

“Neither do I.” He protested.

“Could you, please? He’s creepy.” I pleaded turning to him. I attempted to keep my voice low, though I probably wasn't successful. Alex conceded without a word to me and sauntered off towards the stranger. I watched from this distance, ready to bolt for the back if anything weird started to happen. It wasn’t uncommon for some of the local homeless folks to pass through and sit for hours to get out of the heat. Sometimes Christa even gave them free coffee and something to eat, but her charity was lost on poor souls like me, who slaved endless hours for her in this shithole. 

I heard Alex talking with the guy. Even though it was only the three of us out here, I still couldn’t make out most of what was said between the two of them. Christa returned to get the money from my register and took it to the back. When the man stood I got a better look at him but I didn’t allow my gaze to linger. What I could tell was that the stranger wasn’t homeless; he didn’t look close to homeless. He was tall with wavy black hair and appeared to be well put together. That was all that I allowed myself to take in before I looked away. It didn’t matter what he looked like. All that I knew was that even glancing in his direction made my skin prickle so I averted my gaze. 

Once the man was on the out side of the doors, I began counting the seconds until I could clock out. I heard Alex turning the lock and walking back towards the counter. “It really wasn’t that hard Ele.” He replied, with the kind of smile that made me want to hit him. I wouldn’t be surprised if I did one day. _A nice left hook to the jaw. Let’s see how funny it will be then._ It would be my last day working here but it would be worth the wait. Of all the people I had the misfortune to work with, Alex was the person I most disliked being scheduled alongside. 

For a while I had tried to like this job, hoping that taking a new and positive attitude towards it would make the time that I spent here less like torture. I even tried making friends with the other employees and I did until they switched shifts or left. Sometimes we still went out for drinks but not so much anymore. They stopped inviting me out after— they just don’t anymore.

Alex and I had started here together a couple years ago. While we were never very good friends, our casual acquaintance had deteriorated into near hatred. He was lazy and unmotivated and I was anything but. Yet I was trapped in this job for lack of better options. From time to time I was able to pick up a few hours when some of the others were working. Though that was harder to do considering I went to my other job during those shifts. 

Christa wheeled the bucket and mop towards me, wiping her wet hands on her apron. “After you finish this you’re free to leave.” She said giving me a gentle smile. I took the mop from her and contemplated the consequences of telling her to ask Alex to do it but I ended up deciding against it. After wasting time on the thought, I decided I would only prolong my time here if I tried to swindle my way out of it. So I began to sling the heavy wet mop across the floor. 

Holding onto the handle made my already stinging hand ache even more. I soldered through the pain for a bit longer until I decided that I was just going to half ass the rest of the job. If Alex could coast through just barely pulling his weight _everyday_ , surely I could get away with it for one night. 

I pretended to mop for a few minutes, watching Christa milling around the front. When she went to the office again I pushed the bucket behind the counter and tiptoed to my locker to grab my things. I heard Christa in her office still, so I boldly made my escape out the back door. Stepping into the night I dug out my keys while I walked over to my bike.

My body froze when a shiver wiggled up my spine. I felt like I was being watched. There was that tingling prickle on the back of my neck that told me so. I looked around making sure that I was alone. Despite the feeling that I had, I didn't see anyone nearby, though that didn't quell the nervousness that started in me. This was the main reason I hated closing because I had to walk myself out to my bike and hope that no muggers were waiting out here for me.

Once I secured my lock to the back rack, I peddled away from this deserted parking lot as fast as I could. The street that I ended up on was a busier. It was less nerve wracking now that I was around more people and lights. My route home took me through the restaurant district where bustling storefronts lined the strip. Most of them were still packed with their dinner crowds. Off on the other side of the street the nightclubs and lounges had people lining the sidewalk waiting to get in. 

All of this vibrant nightlife just made me even more tired. How could they stand to cram themselves into dark sweaty corners with horrible music? To me it sounded more tedious than enjoyable. Then again this was coming from the person who was exhausted after going through the grocery line. That was likely another reason why I never got invited out anymore.

A few minutes later I reached my apartment building. I hopped off my bike to lock it up to the rack at the foot of the stairs. Once I was satisfied that no one would be able to walk off with my transportation, I went to the door punching in the key code to get in. The door buzzed and the lock unlatched and I stepped inside, feeling the tension ease from my shoulders the closer to home I got. Before the elevator stopped at my floor I found my keys. I turned the knob on my front door as quietly as I could, slipping into the darkened entryway. 

“Kat I’m home!” I called. I flicked on the lights but I only managed to get a few steps in before my husky nearly bowled my down at the door, barking and whining like I’d abandoned her forever. “Did you miss me?” I asked, stooping down to pet her. She licked my hand, bossing her way into my arms, all the while vocalizing her excitement. “I missed you too little girl.” I answered. When she calmed down I stood up to go and change out of my work cloths. “How was your day? It can’t have been worse than mine. Did you howl all morning again?” I asked her while pulling off my shirt. I tossed it in the direction of the hamper by the dresser. The bed jostled when Kat jump onto it to lie down and watch me move around the room. 

“I wouldn’t expect you to admit to that. If you keep it up they’re going to put me out of here. Another noise complaint and we’re screwed bud.” I said turning to her. Kat didn’t seem to mind my scolding, rolling over onto her side to lie across the bed. She yapped back at me in a way that mimicked speech. Sometimes I wished I could understand her because she always seemed to have so much to say. 

I pulled on an old t-shirt and shorts then flopped onto the bed beside her. “Move over.” I demanded, pushing until she scuttled aside. Kat lifted her head laying it across my stomach murmuring something else, as if to tell me she wanted me to pet her. So I did, running my hands over her thick grey fur, scratching behind her ears. She sniffed my injured hand and attempted to lick it over the bandages. “Remember how I told you Christa’s steamer has been acting up? It got me today. Do you think I should sue her? Maybe I could get some money to buy you some of those nice bones from the butchers huh?” I asked looking down at her. Sometimes she looked like understood what I was saying. Her mismatched eyes would be so full of focus and interest. Mostly I think she was just responding to my voice but I liked to believe that she cared. She was better than no one. 

Kat sat up, her ears perking when the upstairs neighbors stomped across the ceiling. I closed my eyes in frustration. The people above me walked like they were crushing ants. Often clomping around for no good reason at all hours of the night. Instead of letting them get to my already frayed nerves, I stood up and headed back out into the sitting area. “Let’s go.” I called to Kat, taking down her leash. 

Just its jingle would have her knocking me over to get to the door. In her excitement she always made it harder for me to get the leash onto her collar. “Be still or we aren’t going knuckle head.” I said. After fighting with the clasp I was able to get it attached. The door locked behind us and I let her charge towards the stairs. When Kat was a puppy we learned that she hated elevators. Taking her out for a walk would be pointless if I tried to get her to go into the _scary box._

She’d shit herself and I’d have to hope that no one would step into the elevator in the lobby. There was no way they wouldn’t know that it was my dog that had just left a pile on the carpet. Then again, I was the only person in the building with a dog. Facing them the waste bag in my hand wasn’t what I wanted to do with my evening.

Kat pulled on her leash, nose to the ground tracking what ever had caught her attention. We ventured a few blocks away, visiting all of her favorite spots to sniff. I imagined she was keeping up with the local dog news. Then we came past the fenced in community park. It was nothing more than a few empty lots that the neighborhood association insisted we pay to convert into a park. 

There was a path that curved through the trees and open grassy areas for kids or dogs to run free in. I’d even read on the pamphlet that they’d given me that there were garden plots in the back that I could rent for the season. At present I was astonished that I had keep Kat and myself alive for this long. There was no need to kill a bunch of tomato plants that never wronged me. 

Even though I didn’t get much use out of it, I envisioned myself venturing in there one day if for no other reason than to look at what my fees helped to pay for. I’d always managed to find an excuse for putting it off for another time. During the day it was always crowded with people and noisy children. At night it was too dark for any rational person to want to go into alone. For that reason I always hated walking past it at night but it was the fastest way back to my building. 

My intention was to walk past the gates, keep my pace brisk and fight the heebie-jeebies I got from passing by. Kat had other ideas. We were almost past the entrance when she stood stock still at the open gates. Her ears turned forward, listening to a sound I couldn’t hear. I waited, hoping that if I gave her the chance to inspect whatever it was that had caught her attention that she would follow me with less protest.

Then I started to look around. The trees were ominous, casting dark shadows through the city lights and their leaves rustling in the timid night breeze. Kat’s ears twitched and her stance tensed, and when she did she growled in warning. “Kat let’s go.” I demanded, tugging at the leash, but she didn’t move, her eyes fixed on whatever it was that she was looking at. She backed up towards me standing in front of me in defense, showing her teeth when she snarled now. I felt my heart begin to race in fear. I’d never heard her growl at anyone or anything and I’d had her since she was a puppy. 

She was more likely to lick a stranger to pieces rather than attack like she was itching to do right now. “Kat.” I shouted. My yanking on her leash seemed to break her focus, “Let’s go.” I hated to admit how nervous I was now or how much I wanted to sprint back to my apartment and lock the door. I didn’t sprint but I sure as hell didn't walk. We made our way back to my building. I quickly punching in the code at the door and hurried into the safety of the lobby. I could still feel the eyes watching me. I didn't have the bravery to move any closer so only I looked into the darkness. There was nothing on the opposite side of the glass, nothing that my eyes could see but I feel that something was there.

Kat spun back around to lunge at the glass, barking and growling at whatever was on the other side of the door. I didn't even know she could make that noise; it was like those sound effects in movies. “Kat! Let’s go. We’re safe in here you silly waffle.” I said dragging her back towards the stairs. Instead of racing ahead of me like usual, she followed close behind me, nudging her head against the back of my legs. “I’m going, stop being pushy.” I scolded as we came to my floor. I opened the door and let her run past me. Once I was safely inside of my apartment, I felt the panic beginning to lessen. Anything could have spooked her. After all she was a dog, but Kat never acted like this. It was totally out of character for her and that was enough to put me on edge.

She paced in the family room, scampering up onto the sofa to peer out of the window. Even though I felt stupid for it I couldn’t deny that I was shaken. I joined her at the window, peaking through the slats of the blinds to the street below. Like I suspected, there was nothing to see and no one there other than some guy headed back in the direction we’d just come from. _You’re safe in here. Stop being afraid of everything. There’s nothing lurking in the shadows._

“Get over here.” I called to her. She followed me into the kitchen and eagerly watched me take her food from the cabinet. Kat’s love of food easily won over her focus. The kibble clanged into her bowl. In her impatience she didn’t wait for me to finished pouring before she push past my legs to get at her food. When I stepped out of her way she hardly seemed to notice. Now it was my turn to feed me, so wash my hands so that I could fix myself something to eat. 

I settled for some instant of noodles, since I only had the energy to throw something in the microwave. After it was ready, I settled onto the sofa flicking on the TV to distract myself. A little while later, Kat pranced over to me and climbed onto the sofa at my feet. And so ends another day, with only Kat to keep me company.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This is going to go in a very different direction than the one that Dark Horse. Hopefully you will enjoy this one just as much. Another chapter will be up soon...


	2. Something's Gotta Give

My alarm went off and I recognized the all too familiar sinking feeling that came with the dawning a new day. I wanted to kick and scream, to somehow avoid having to get out of bed but I had no choice. Kat wasn't any help either, continuing to lie comfortably on the other side of the bed with her paws in my face. Now I was jealous that she got to spend the days lounging around while I went to work to keep her fed and housed. Silencing my phone, I sat up running my hand over my face groggily. Already I was sighing in disgust and I had only just climbed out of bed. _Here goes another day._

I staggered into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Going back to the bedroom, I tossed my cloths for the day onto the bed then dug out a pair of socks from the dresser. I looked up to find Kat wallowing on my work pants. “Could you not—“ She’d gotten hair all over my black pants. “Would you look at that? Now I’ve got to lint roll these. Get out before I leave you on the balcony to bake all day.” I shouted in frustration. Kat didn’t understand me so she just looked up at me with that look that could almost pass for a smile. I rolled my eyes going back into the bathroom to strip. 

The steam from the hot water began to fog up the mirror. I pulled off my cloths tossing them onto the floor. Just as I was about to get into the shower I realized that I still had my hand wrapped. Not wanting to get it wet I began to carefully take off the gauze binding and held my breath in anticipation of the angry wound I thought I would uncover. 

It didn’t hurt as much today as it had last night, which I was thankful for. When I pulled off the gauze, I looked at the back of my hand. The swath of skin that had been blistered and angry the previous night was almost flawless. There was only a twinge of tenderness left in the burn but I could hardly tell that anything had happened. _Just as I thought._ Before this would have terrified me; back when this was this all new and everything frightened me. 

Now it was something that I came to expect even if I didn’t understand it. This was the reason going to the hospital wasn't an option. While I was used to having this freakish ability, I was certain that doctors wouldn’t dismiss it the way I chose to. The last thing I wanted was to be abducted by some kind of secret agency for experimentation. I’d managed to keep this a secret from everyone thus far; my doctors back in the psych ward and my family for the little while that I’d lived at home. That was how I wanted to keep it. No, that was how I _had_ to keep it so that I would be safe. 

I stepped into the shower trying to avoid thinking about the ‘asylum’ as I used to call it. I didn’t want to think about my time spent in that place, my family, or my speedy healing. I wanted to pretend that I was normal, in the hopes that someday I would be. Today wasn’t the day for me to fall back into that darkness or for speculation on the mysteries of my life. Anytime that I even got close to those ideas, it was a downward spiral which ended with me either crying myself to sleep or having a public outburst where I’d struggle to not make a scene. _Even though I always failed._

Today was going to be one of those days no matter what I did. The pit of my gut told me so. No matter how hard I tried, there would be no avoiding my personal hell. After washing myself, I stepped out of the shower wrapping the towel around myself and picking up my toothbrush. _You haven’t always been able to heal like that have you? What is Christa going to say if she sees you without the bandages?_

Consumed by my thoughts, I lost myself long enough to hit a sensitive place in my mouth with the head of the toothbrush. I winced when the pain but could do little else. _Yup, it’s going to be one of those days._ After rinsing my mouth I dropped the toothbrush into the rack staring at myself in the mirror. My eyes always landed on the long scar on my cheek, wondering curiously, if not desperately how that’d happened. _People just don’t forget things like that do they?_ Then again I’d lost more than two years of my memory, plenty of things could have happened to me in that time. _Had I forgotten because it was so terrible? Had I had a psychotic break like they diagnosed?_ It was time to accept that maybe I’d never know. It would be easier to give up than to torment myself day after day. 

Hell, at this point I would settle for alien abduction if it meant that I could have an answer. I felt the tightness in my chest that always accompanied these thoughts. The fear and panic that consumed me whenever I thought too deeply about why I couldn’t remember, where I had been, or what had happened to me. _People don’t just forget more than two years of their lives._ Yet I’d spent the last three and a half of mine trying to forget forgetting, fighting to settling into something that resembled normal. 

I tore my gaze away from my reflection and reached into the drawer for more gauze. There was no way I could just show up with my hand looking like this. Christa would notice right away. I suspected I’d have to pretend like this for the next week or more to keep up with this act. Once I’d rewrapped my now uninjured hand, I headed back to the bedroom to pull on my cloths. Kat had disappeared from the room so I was free to dress in peace. After I pulled on my cloths, I dug out my lint roller and tossed it into my purse. It would be stupid to think that Kat wasn’t going to rub against my legs again before I left so I’d be better off waiting until I was out of my apartment to make myself presentable. 

Going to the kitchen I grabbed my favorite mug from the dish drain then poured myself a glass of orange juice to take those awful meds with. Every morning I fought with myself over this, going back and forth over whether I should even be humoring those doctors by taking these pills. Was this feeling that I’d been fighting for the last few days the consequence of not keeping up with my doses? Was I risking spiraling into another downward tailspin by missing so many days? The threat of being forced to move back home to my overbearing family was enough to pressure me into opening the prescription bottles.

It wasn’t fair to blame them, I _had_ gone missing for more than two years. They hadn’t been too keen on the idea of me moving down here to Georgia in the first place. They hadn’t even wanted me to leave the psych ward in the first place but there was no reason for me to stay. I wasn’t crazy, at least I wasn’t at the time they released me. I had to be some level of crazy to have been gone for that long and not be able to recall where I’d been or what I had been doing. _Didn’t I?_ I tossed back a few of the caplets only to hold them in my mouth for a while. Some part of me that I couldn't controlled protested and refused to let me swallow them. When they started to dissolve, I spit them out on the napkin. _How many mornings are you going to do this?_

I’d probably end up regretting this decision later but I didn’t want to swallow them. I couldn’t stomach even this small gesture that proved them right over and over again. So I dropped the soggy pills into my orange juice and poured it all down the drain. Kat nudged her snout against my elbow whining as she held herself up on the edge of the counter to look at me. 

I pet her head with my hand and smiled a little at her. “You don’t think I’m crazy do you?” I asked. She didn’t have a reply, only leaning harder into my hand. “I’ve got to go or I’m going to be late.” I said, taking a treat from the top of the fridge. I’d started tossing them into the bedroom so that I could escape in the mornings without her begging and howling at the door. She had already caught on and took the treat from my hand before I could throw it as a diversion. 

I shook my head, kneeling in front of her. “I’m coming back little girl. I’d never just walk out the door and forget about you.” I said kissing the top of her head. _You might._ Kat licked my hand sniffing for more treats. “Sorry, that's all that you’re getting today. Maybe tomorrow I’ll double the ante so that you won’t try to nip my fingers off.” I chuckled, leaving her in the kitchen. When I got to the door she gave loud protestation, howling and barking like every morning. 

I climbed onto my bike heading back over to the coffee shop. Hopefully, I wouldn’t have to cover anyone else’s shift and be stuck there until close again today. Something told me that I would though. When I got in Christa was already finished making the whipped cream canisters. “Morning.” I said in passing heading into the back to put my purse into my locker. 

“Morning Eleanor. I have someone coming to service the steamer today.” She said with a cheerful smile. _I’ve only been asking you to do that for months. So glad I could take one for the team bitch._

“That’s good. Now no one else will get scolded.” I said forcing myself to keep an even tone. I leaned against the locker willing myself to keep it together today. I took a slow breath feeling the tension leave my body. _You’ve got this._

With that I headed to the front helping Christa and Drew finish with the chores before we opened. Our usual early morning regulars came through as soon as we opened the doors. It was easy working with the regulars. I knew their orders by heart having made them every morning for the least two years. Sometimes I even had pleasant conversation with the ones who weren’t rushing off to their busy professional lives. Every now and again I would get tips but hands down the best thing that had come of it was Kat. 

One of the morning regulars had been telling me about their dog that had gotten out of the yard a few months prior and when they finally found her she was carrying a litter of puppies. She told me about the half dozen fluff balls at home that she had no idea what to do with, so I offered to take one off her hands. That same day I'd gone to her house after I got off from work day and looked at the swarm of little terrors, yapping and howling with each other. They completely overran the poor woman’s house. Then I saw Katrina lounging in the corner like a prissy diva, watching the rest of her siblings fuss and fight. 

Foolishly, I’d thought that she would be the quieter one, less rambunctious and more my speed. That wasn’t even close to the truth. When I got her home she was loud and hyper and constantly got into things. I’d always heard that having a puppy was like having a baby but I hadn’t realized just how true that was. Taking her in was the most impulsive thing I’d ever done. I hadn’t even bothered to puppy proof my place. I’d just gone to pick her up and brought her home with no food, supplies or a collar. More than once I’d had to stop her from chewing threw a lamp cord, keep her from climbing on the counters, and free her head from between the bars of the railing on the balcony. 

It was actually this constant scolding that had earned her nickname. When she was born they named her Katrina but she never learned that name and as frequently as I was forced to shout it the multiple syllables were too much of a mouthful. One morning when she was digging in the flowerpot, dragging dirt across my carpet, I’d shouted _“Kat”_. Then for the first time in her entire life, she stopped in her tracks watching me with those big blue and green eyes. I was so excited that she’d responded to her name that I couldn't stay upset with her for the mess. In hindsight getting her was the best choice I could have made. Kat was my only friend. She was there to greet me when I got home, which was what I needed most days.

“Morning gorgeous.” He said quiet enough to keep the customers from overhearing. 

“Morning Ryle. How many times do I have to tell you not to say that? One of these days I’m going to file harassment charges on you.” I said with a smirk. I wasn’t totally kidding but I did wish that he would back off.

Ryle leaned against the counter next to me, “How is Kat?” He asked. 

“She’s fine. Not that you care. Don’t you have something better to do besides standing here and getting on my nerves?” I asked with a sigh. 

“No. As you can see there’s hardly anyone here today.” 

I avoided his gaze, “What does that have to do with you irritating me?” 

“Everything. They just opened another coffee house down the strip. I think for the next few days things are going to get slow here. While they’re still new and have their grand opening promotions going, we’re going to have more time on our hands.” Ryle explained. 

“Yippie, I can hardly contain my excitement. Because you’re just so much fun to be around. You know Christa is going to make someone go and pass out those ridiculous ad cards to try and keep her business.” I said with a sigh. 

“Yeah I know that. If we’re lucky she will put both of us out there.” He said quietly. _Ryle you’re not suave. Please leave me alone._

“Let me just stop you right there.” I said turning to him now. 

“Why?” 

“Ryle you know why…I’m just not—” I sighed looking back own at my chewed up fingernails. I hated having this conversation with him. We were nearly friends, not that I ever let him in very far. I preferred having him at a distance. He’d asked me out at least five times now, each time hoping that I would wear down and agree to something. The fact of the matter was that I wasn’t attracted to him and I wasn’t going to pretend to be for his sake. Yet for some reason I cared enough to let him down easy, to not crush his fragile ego. So I always let him think that there was still hope even though I knew that he had zero chance of ever hooking up with me. 

“I’m just saying you wouldn’t be disappointed. I know of this sandwich place down on 55th street that makes—“ 

“Ryle, stop. Go change some coffee filters or something.” I said sternly. With a defeated chuckle he nodded leaving my side and heading towards the back of the kitchen area. I wasn’t in the mood to humor him today. A part of me had half a mind to take him up on his offer. I knew exactly which restaurant he was talking about. It was the roast beef place that just opened a few months ago. If I went, which I wouldn't, it damn sure wouldn't be to spent time with him. I would do it for the free food. I was all for going dutch but when if I were on a date under protest, I damn sure wouldn't pay for anything. 

The idea of being stuck with him alone for longer than an hour was at best, nauseating. The last thing I wanted to do was give him the idea that he had a chance with me. It would be unbearable working here with him after that. He'd probably be poking around, hoping if not expecting that I would put out sooner or later. That was something I had _absolutely_ no intentions of doing. 

“Ryle since you’re so busy, I’d like you to go down Main passing these out.” Christa called emerging from the back. She handed him a small box that was half full of discount cards. _Told you so._

I heard him chuckle as if he’d heard my thoughts before he agreed to go, “No problem.” I remained at the register, waiting for a customer to come through the doors. The coffee house was by no means full today and everyone here had already ordered. There wasn’t much for me to do. 

The responsible part of me suggested that I find something to busy myself with, yet the still ticked off part, wanted me to stand here and collect a check for doing nothing. Christa had flat out ignored me about the steamer and I’d gotten burned. If I did nothing else, I was going to ride out her lenience because I knew she was still afraid that I was going to file suit. I had no intentions of doing that, not that I could now that my burn was almost completely healed after only a day. That brought me back to the thoughts that had tormented me this morning. Now I wanted to be busy, to be doing anything that would keep my mind from wondering _there._

The bell on the door caught my attention. Someone new into the store meant that there was something for me to do, a bittersweet reality. I turned around feeling my blood go cold when I saw him, It was Mr. Creepy from last night. A shiver ran through me when he started to approach the counter. He wasn’t looking at me yet, his gaze still slightly upturned to look at the menu. For a reason that I couldn’t quite identify he looked out of place. Maybe it was the leather jacket that matched his wavy black hair? Or those striking green eyes that called my attention. The niggling anxiety that had been welling in me all morning began to grow until I was nearly breaking a sweat. My body was shaking and I couldn't stop myself from falling in a panic.

I had to get away. I needed to find a way to escape before I had a meltdown in front of everyone. He began to come closer, this time his eyes did settle on me and I looked away, hoping that he hadn’t seen me watching him. _Oh no._ On cue, Christa walked in from the back carry a box of the syrup. “Emergency…of the female variety.” I said turning to her. Maybe it was my frazzled appearance that convinced her so quickly. She nodded and gave me a concerned stare as I rushed into the back locking myself in the employee bathroom. I was trembling and holding in a strangled sob, fighting with myself over the well-worn thought paths in my head. Maybe I should have just taken those pills. I should have just swallowed them and gotten it over instead of losing this silent war with myself. 

There was a knock on the door and I stilled, swallowing the trembling feeling that still shook my innards. After a few moments I opened the door and did my best to compose myself in the process. “Can’t a girl run to the bathroom in peace?” I asked briskly. 

I brushing past Christa, unable to give any thought to my tone or poise. “I was concerned. You looked distraught and bolted like you saw a ghost or something.” She said hesitantly. I shook my head deciding that it was probably all in me head. 

“No…I’m fine. Really.” I said, though my voice didn’t even convince me. 

“Ele I think you should take the rest of the day off. I won’t even take it out of your leave, just get some rest. You look exhausted.” She said finally. _Exhausted is code for you look like shit. Don’t think I don’t know that._

“Fine.” I replied. She wasn’t going to take it out of my leave but she sure as shit wasn’t going to pay me for the rest of the day. I wanted to be here but I didn’t. If I went home I knew that I would still agonize over everything but I wouldn't be getting paid to do it. 

“Take care of yourself ok?” She said in a gentle voice. I didn’t respond, going to my locker to get my purse and head home. The mood that I was in it was better for me to keep my mouth shut and not tell her to go fuck herself. I couldn’t lose this job.

When I got home, I decided to take Kat out for a run just to keep my mind busy. She was happy to see me as usual bounding by my side as I changed into my athletic wear. I put on her leash and headed out the door, setting an even pace as we started out on our usual route. Since it was still early in the day the sun hadn't gotten that high but it was warmer than usual. Though I made sure to take frequent breaks to keep Kat from overheating. 

As I ran I felt myself falling back into my comfort zone. I settled into that little mental box that I’d created for myself, the safe space where I could function. But as quickly as I fell into my safety zone, my thoughts began to wonder anew, questioning why I’d panicked when Mr. Creepy had walked in. For all I knew he might not even be a bad person. _It’s not weird for people to sit in coffeeshops or come back to ones that they frequent. He was even reading a book last night. That wasn’t strange at all._ As much as I just wanted to push aside the thoughts my mind kept returning to it like my thoughts caught on a loop. 

_What had happened to me for two years? Why can’t I remember? Why did I heal so quickly? Why do I feel so lost?_ I tripped over an uneven slap in the sidewalk tumbling forward onto the pavement. I’d never been so glad to be on an empty street as now. There was no one around to see me take that spill. I stayed where I fell, looking down at my skinned knees feeling my composure dissolving. 

It had been a while since I’d broken down like this. Kat licked my face whining, circling me but not knowing what to do. She barked at me continuing to pace with unease until I got to my feet. I shuffled back to my building with Kat in toe going to take a quick shower. When I returned to the kitchen I filled her bowl with water before flopping onto the sofa, listening to the silence echo though my little apartment. This is my life, with only Kat to keep me company. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hang in there, we'll see a bit more of Loki soon. Hope to have another chapter for you in the near future


	3. The Search

Until now, I only saw Ele in my dreams. The memory of her touch had been reduced to a fading phantom in the night. It tormented with its vividness, never ceasing to remind me that it would never again be real. I could see the beautiful curve of those lips when she smiled or hear the musical sound of her voice. I heard her whispering my name when I brought her pleasure or filling the air with the sound of laughter when something I’d done had amused her. 

Her presence would overwhelm my senses and give me false hope that she wasn’t really gone. With each occurrence, I confused my dreams with the nightmare that I would awaken to. Then I would open my eyes, expecting to find her lying by my side, nestled in the safety of my arms. Yet every time I did, I’d find her place beside me, vacant and cold. 

Never had I known such grief or contempt for my own existence at the loss of another. My wife, the greatest gift that I’d ever received had been reneged from me. Just when I’d thought that nothing but our old age would divide us, the rug was snatched from under us, scattering our life into disarray. 

I had done everything there was to be done to keep her by my side. I’d done _everything_ I could think to do to protect her and even that hadn’t been enough. When Ele needed me most I hadn’t been there for her. Yet no matter how many times I thought through the time that we shared, I couldn’t think of another way this could have gone. I should have known that our time would come to an end would. She was too wonderful; too great a gift for me to have reasonably believed myself entitled to. Like anything else of true value that I ever possessed, she was never supposed to be mine. Ele was a treasure that I had never been worthy of.

Never again was I to be granted the sweetness of affection or the tenderness of a wife’s loving embrace. Surely my actions weren’t worthy of this brand of torture. To usurp the throne was a crime punishable by death. That wasn’t a fact I was in any hurry to contradict but it was a sentence Odin did not seek. Conspiracy to kill the King carried the same penalties, not that I had succeeded. I had more then enough opportunity to carry out the deed but Ele had stopped me. In the end, that might have been the thing that spared my life. 

Instead of following through with my murderous plot, I put an end to the war that divided our people. I’d begun to lift the dark shadow that had loomed over our lands since the Jorunn invasion centuries prior, and put the **one responsible** for it all in confinement. There were no casualties of war or fortunes plundered. Our people suffered no longer and _this_ was what I’d earned for it? There was no victor’s welcome for me. My transgression could never be overlooked as my accomplishments had always been. And in reprisal, my wife was taken and banished to from our realm, while I was led to believe that she had been killed. Livid wasn’t large enough of a word to encompass the amount of rage that I harbored. 

The years without Ele had been darker than any I’d thought possible. I’d lost myself to the retching pain in my heart every time that I heard her terrified screams in my memory, repeating and taunting me with my final failure to her. At night her shrill cries haunted me, sometimes so greatly that I would avoid sleep for days at a time for fear of reliving those moments. There were times when I did long for my own end. I wished that my sentence hadn’t been so generous as a life in confinement. This was a chapter of my life I was better off leaving in the past. For the sake of my sanity at least, I had to give my focus to my new endeavor. 

There was a good chance that my suffering could soon come to an end. I was in Midgard, searching for her at long last. It had been far more difficult to locate her than I had imagined. My ideas of the realm were much different from what I had come to find, considering the last I’d seen of it was well over nine hundred years ago. In those days there wasn’t much to see, and even less to navigate. Midgard had grown in that time, not that I was impressed. It couldn’t hope to compare to Asgard. This development only served to further complicate an already impossible task with tedious new obstacles; obstacles that I hadn’t accounted for.

When I’d arrived here in Midgard my journey had been aimless. My search was guided by the fragmented details I retained of Ele’s life before Asgard. This was all that I had to go on. I scoured my memories for things that she shared in our conversations and or things that she mentioned in passing. Anything at all that could give me some insight to her current whereabouts. Ele had once enjoyed speaking of her realm, when she was new to Asgard. Though the more time elapsed, the less she would tell me of her former home. 

I recalled how Ele had asked me how far from the Kingdom of America she was the morning she’d been released from the healers care. There was also the card of authorization in her wallet that indicated her residence in a place called Maine. After some inquiry I learned that this place was within her Kingdom as well. So that was where I had set my sights. 

For weeks, I spent my time in the shadows with the aid of a few charms. Even the most basic spells took a significant toll on my strength now. I’d forfeited most of my seidr in order to come here in the first place. A frustrating but necessary act. At present I could only manage to produce a few simple charms at a time before I grew weary. So I used my tricks sparingly and relied more on my other skills for survival. 

Without incantations to camouflage myself with, I resorted to learning to do so for myself. From afar I studied their culture, trying to learn how to maneuver unnoticed through their society. Despite my extensive observation, I couldn’t claim to have been wildly successful. At best I could say that I’d learned enough to make my way into to this settlement where she resided with minimal adequacy. It took far longer than I would have liked to negotiate my way to that point. Nevertheless, successful was success no matter how slight the margin.

Soon I learned that my initial underestimations of Midgard had left me foolishly optimistic. I had thought that once I’d narrowed my search to her Kingdom of origin, my task would become easier. This kingdom was far vaster that I’d anticipated. While it had been disheartening, I wasn’t going to let the enormity of her realm deter me. I was determined to find her, even if it took me the next thousand years. Though I greatly hoped it would not come to that. 

If what Thor had told me was the true, she would not be anymore inclined to stay hidden than she was before. Exe would not know to conceal her immortality, despite the threat that being discovered posed to her safety. I didn't know much of this new Midgard but I knew that they were not tolerant of things they could not understand. My greatest window of opportunity was within the next decade or two, just long enough for her youthfulness to be called into question. If I were to wait any longer than that and she would become far more allusive, making it even harder for me to locate her.

Much of my time here had been spent traveling. Sometimes in their vehicles but most of my journey was made on foot. During the nights I slept in the elements, dodging patrolmen who all seemed share an equal distain for vagabonds.

Then, not that long ago, something wonderful had happened. The night had been cold, not that the frigid temperatures bothered me much. By all other measures it had not been a great day. I pulled the front of my jacket together to keep out the chill. Per usual, I struggled to find sleep so looked up at the night sky. 

Their celestial view from their realm was much less impassive than what I was used to. There were no galaxies or shades of color, aside from that inky blackish blue. In most of the places I’d traveled to, even that dull view was obscured in the city lights. When I could see the stars or the large white solar body that meandered across their sky, I wondered if Ele watched the skies as I did. _Did she know that I was searching for her? Had she given up hope that I would find her? Did she miss me as much as I missed her?_

I’d recognized the silent call to me. The incantations set within the delicate ring of metal around her wrist had remained unwoven. At first my half conscious mind attempted to dismissed it. I'd long since lost the strength to endure these phantoms of her distress, the ones that had tormented me for so long. Then I realized that this was real. No longer were these sensations figments of my imagination but Ele reached out to me the only way that she still could. 

The flutter of her fear whispered through my connection to the adornment. _The symbol of my intent had survived._ Even if the incantation had been severely weakened by her decent to Midgard, she still wore the ancient marking of possession. Allfather must not have seen the need in stripping her of it. Maybe he thought it a pointless expenditure of seidr to forcibly dismantle my claim over her. I sat up with a start, feeling the silent cry for me in my chest.

Ele’s desperation was vivid, even though the bond was weak, it could still evoke a defensive reaction. _She’s alive, but not near._ While I could not tell exactly where she was, I did learn which direction to go in order to get closer to her. Without a second thought, I gathered my belongings and set out in a new direction. It had given me more hope and that was enough to carry me onwards. No matter how weary I became, I always found the strength to put one foot in front of the other.

Frequently I would reach with what seidr I could spare, in the hopes that by some stroke of luck that I would be strong enough to convey my attempts at comforting her. Like a horse led by its reigns, I followed her across this vast Kingdom, knowing when I drew nearer and when she would hastily put large distances between us, until recently. 

More than a year passed since that night. All the time in between I spent following this tether, towards her until I knew I’d gotten close. I knew not where she was, only that she was near. It was a feeling that started in my core, each time that I reached for her the surging warmth grew stronger when she wondered closer. I could tell that Ele was somewhere nearby. For weeks I had been able to feel this sensation, ebbing and flowing, closer and further from me. 

Then we crossed paths. 

It was a nearly nightfall and a dreary rain had begun to dampen the soil. I was searching for someplace to shelter for the night when she’d nearly run me over. Ele came speeding past on some two-wheeled contraption. By reflex I leapt out of her way but it still felt as though she had struck me. I was stunned. She had gone right by me and Ele hadn’t recognized me. She’d nearly collided with me and she didn’t even spare a backward glance. _She didn’t recognize me._

To be fair I might not have recognized her by sight alone, given how brief our intersection had been but it was her voice that I knew. It was her voice that I’d never forget, when even my memories of her appearance faded with time.

Thor had said that Ele had no memory of me and I’d wanted to believe he was wrong. I wanted to believe that he was wrong about everything in the same way that I had been fed those falsehoods of her demise. But I couldn’t argue with what I’d seen for myself. Exe hadn’t even spared a look in my direction, only shouting at me to get the hell out of her way. I had known from the start that she was stripped of her memories. There was a difference between simply possessing the objective knowledge and what it felt like to have her breeze past.

The feeling was similar to the one I’d experienced when she was torn from me. No matter how long I’d carried that knowledge it hadn’t prepared me for this. Eventually I came to terms with this reality. The fact that she had been forced to forget me hadn’t changed, therefore I couldn’t allow myself to lose focus. Now I had seen her and I knew that she lived, so I let that serve as my consolation.

I returned to the place that we’d intersected each morning to keep watch for her. I had almost lost hope when she reappeared, this time heading in the opposite direction with her hound in toe. My first inclination was to scoop her in my arms and hold her to me again, yet I knew I couldn’t. To have her so close and still so far away was nearly as torturous as if she were dead. Day after day, I watched her swaggering away from me. None the wiser to the torment she put me through. She didn't mean for it to be but it was torment.

Her hair was short now. It barely fell over her eyes in the front and it was just long enough to skim the base of her neck everywhere else. No longer did those thick tresses cascade over her shoulders. It wasn’t even all brown anymore but it was streaked with some unnatural hue of violet. 

I found that my gaze would slide of her and my interest would stray from my curious assessments. Her beautiful legs were always on full display in those pants that couldn’t be considered anything more than undergarments. Her succulent cleavage bounced with ever step in that excuse for a shirt. Lust had all but a distant memory. I’d not been bothered by it since she’d been stolen from me. 

Sure there had been plenty of opportunities for me to sate that need. There wasn’t a shortage of prospective partners in my travels though I knew that they would not satisfy me the way that only she could. It would be a waste of a betrayal. I wanted my Ele back in everyday that I should have her and yet I couldn’t have her. I could see my gorgeous wife prancing around in a woeful state of undress but _I couldn’t have her._ She wouldn’t know me. I would be a stranger to her, someone not to be trusted. All of our past had been blown away and our passions extinguished like a flame.

_Would she ever feel the same way about me again?_ Surely, she wouldn’t come easily, if at all. Ele would be stubborn just as she always had been. If I could even get her attention, it would be a hard earned and her trust would be even more so. Though it went without saying that I would be willing to take whatever I could get. Whatever lengths I would have to go to or however long she took to warm to my company, I would patiently endure. After all, we had the time to spare. There was no need to rush. 

After days of waiting and watching her pass me by, I decided to follow her. The next morning when she passed by I trailed her to her place of employment, watching from the safety of invisibility. I kept a respectful distance from her. While Ele couldn’t see me, she could still feel my presence. My intent was not to frighten her, so I didn’t dare to move any closer. 

Getting Ele to accept me was going to take time and delicate actions. So I studied her and more of this Midgardian culture to learn ways that I could to get closer to her without raising her suspicions. Among the things I discovered was that her people were very open in their romantic relationships. There was far less ritual involved in their courtship than in Asgard. 

It wasn't as if casual sexual relationships weren't prevalent where I’d come from. Of course there were senseless romps with a nameless servants or covert love affairs between courtiers, all of which came to an end as frivolously as they’d begun. That wasn’t anything like what I wanted for the relationship Ele and I would share. I would pose as an interested suitor. _Even though I am so much more than that._ That was something I hoped she might accept. 

Two months went by in their time and I still watched over her most days. I supervised not just to make sure that she was safe but for my own comfort. It allowed me to rest easier when I could see her. In the interim I took my time building a believable backstory that wouldn’t incite her suspicion. Ele was smart and one of my half-baked tales wouldn’t work on her for long, if at all. The last thing I wanted was to loose her trust at the start. While I plotted, I forced myself to keep a generous distance. 

It wasn’t until yesterday that I stopped concealing myself with invisibility and allowed her see me. I lingered in her place of work, without a single charm to obscure me. It had taken more self-control than I thought that I possessed to not go to her aid when she was injured. I had been forced to watch from afar, hoping that her wounds didn’t require a healer. I had to trust that she would manage the same way she had before I’d arrived. I held myself to strict rules of non-interference. Now it was increasingly harder to obey my own resolve. 

As the day carried on, I grew impatient. She and I had been in the room for the better half of the day and she hadn’t once looked in my direction nor sensed my presence. In an act of desperation I lingered after hours, hoping that Ele might be bold enough to approach me. She hadn’t of course but she had noticed which was what I wanted. 

After her associate had escorted me out, I waited for her to leave to return home. Ele traveled alone. I’d seen more than my share of muggings of lone women during my journey. Now that I’d found her, there wasn’t a chance that I was going to let her fall victim to such threats. I kept my distance, jogging behind her the entire way to keep her within my sights. Only when she was within the confines of her dwelling did I retreat for the night, slinking back into the darkness to find a place to rest. I took shelter in the wooded area that she passed each morning on her way to work. 

I had settled on the ground for another night of restless sleep. Some time later I heard footsteps approaching. I hadn’t known it was Ele until she stopped in front of the open gates. By the time that I looked up to see who had come by at this time of night, I had thought for sure that she’d seen me. I hadn’t bothered to enshroud myself in invisibility or even place a protective incantation that would keep curious eyes from settling on me. So I kept my movements slow and attempted to move towards the edge of the trees for better cover. From the way that she stared, I realized that Ele hadn’t noticed me. That hound of hers however, had, and it didn’t like what it saw. 

For a long while neither of us moved. Ele looked in my direction and I watched her. She was nervous though she tried so hard to appear to be braver than she felt. Ele was many things but a good deceiver had never been one of them, not to my discerning eyes at least. She called to her animal and I smiled to myself savoring the feeling of her looking in my direction. If only for tonight I’d allow myself to believe that she saw me. 

I took careful steps and moved towards the edge of the trees to get closer to her. Then Ele backed away, finally sensing my presence there in the darkness. Cursing myself for startling her, I waited for her to round the corner before I followed in pursuit. _That woman never could stay where you put her._ I didn’t understand why she insisted on roaming the streets at all times of the night. All that I ever wanted was for her to stay safe in her home until morning. 

I kept an even larger distance this time, knowing that she was even more skittish right now. Scaring her would make it even harder for me to earn her trust. So I used what little strength I had to conceal myself with invisibility and I closed the distance between us. 

But after so long without her, impulse had no trouble getting the better of me. It was a wonder that it had taken this long for me to faulter. I found myself moving to get a closer to her. It was a foolish decision but it was out of desperation. I didn’t want to watch her from across the room or down the street anymore. I could have ruined my chances of ever getting close her, right then and there. 

Ele slipped inside her building but she didn't go to the stairs right away. She turned to peer into the darkness and I watched her through the door. Ele shifted when she felt something was amiss. She couldn’t have known that I was lurking on the other side of the glass. Without meaning to I ascended the few stairs and was face to face with her for the first time in what felt like and eternity. She looked up at me, seeing and not seeing at the same. I leaned against the glass and looked down at her. _So close but still so far._ I was so near to her and not allowed to touch her. 

Her hound lunged at the door barking and growling. Apparently my charms didn’t work as well on all creatures but I was unmoved by this mongrels aggression. I watched Ele scurry up the stairs in fear of me. I stayed there for a few moments after she was gone, telling myself how stupid I had been to risk everything for just a look. I backed up to return to my belongings but then I was curious to see which window lit above me. Maybe I could discover where in this building my wife resided. The charm was of no more use so I released in the interest of conserving my energy. Soon the lights came on in one of the higher windows. The window coverings quivered and I heard the barking still. Then Ele appeared at the glass and I turned away, walking back to reclaim my place in the dirt. 

When I slept that night I dreamt of her. She’d climbed into my arms and kissed me. She remembered and still shared the love that we’d once had. Her eyes were full of longing instead of the empty stare that now occupied those beautiful brown orbs when she looked at me. Instead of seeing straight through me, she saw her best friend, her lover, and her husband. I’d made love to her and she’d whispered my name, her voice breathless and impassioned. _Would I ever see that look in her eyes again or hear her say my name like this?_

Now that I’d indulged my eagerness, I had to be careful. The first few times that she saw me would dictate my success with her moving forward. Thus far I wasn’t off to a good start. Both times that I’d faced her, she’d run from me. It was like a dagger to my heart to see her flee in fear, fear of what I wasn’t certain but I felt her distress, as clearly as I had always been able to. I had won her over once before and I would do so again. Ele was mine. Tied in blood and oath, to protect and cherish for all of eternity. Even if she did not recall our vows, I was still bound by them no matter what Odin had declared. It did not matter how long it took but I would have her again. 

Even if she never recovered her memories, I would be content just holding her in my arms once more. I would be there for her when the rest of her world withered with age and comfort her when she would otherwise be alone. Maybe then if I told her about our past she might believe me. Before that point I first needed her trust. I would have to allow Ele to move at her own pace. I’d found her and all else would follow. Even if it took the next thousand years, I wouldn’t let her escape my sights again. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! So there's a little bit of Loki at last. I promise things are going to turn around for them! There are PLENTY good times ahead. Curious to know what you think! Another chapter will be up soon.


	4. Pay Day

Today was payday. The one day out of every fourteen that I could look at my account and not cringe at the sigh of the negative a balance. It was a short-lived elation. By this afternoon, after my creditors collected their shares, I would be down to my last $90 until next pay. It wasn’t enough to survive on for two weeks but I managed to make it some way or another. Though today I noticed a sizable bump in my pay.

There was the extra from the additional shifts of that I covered, then another mystery chunk of money I couldn’t account for. Christa must have given me a bonus. _She's definitely trying to buy me off._ It was almost comical at how far out of her way she had been going for the last week or so to keep my appeased. _How long will her generosity last? It’s got to be eating her alive to be shelling out living wages for once._ Sooner or later things were going to go back to normal and in her mind all would be right in the world. It would be as if none of it had happened and she’d go back to the same policy of ignoring the hell out of me. 

All that mattered was that the bonus would put me in a better position than usual. I wouldn’t make waves and I’d take advantage of this time of plenty to ensure that I built decent a stockpile to see me through the end of her charity. If that hadn’t been enough to brighten my day, I was getting off early too. Not to mention I wouldn’t have to set foot in this place for another two days. _Yippie._

It was almost like the weekend, only I worked at the bike shop tomorrow and the day after. Were it left up to me I’d work there everyday in place of Christa’s. Much to my disappointment that would never happen. Christa could afford to pay me better and could give me more hours. If I could, I would drop Christa like a rock. That was just another dream that I was starting to think would never come true. 

I helped a few more customers and kept my eye on the time. I wasn’t about to work a minute longer than I was required. Besides, Mr. Creepy usually stopped by around this time. I was going to do everything I could to avoid facing him today. My morning had been going great, well, as great as a day could go when spent this hell hole anyway. I was even singing to myself while I made one of my last orders.

“You’re happy today. What has your spirits soaring? Hot date tonight?” Ryle asked me as he came behind the counter to swap out with me.

“Nope. It’s pay day and if I play my cards right, I can listen to the show they’re having over at the pier for free.” I answered turning to him. Ryle nodded, seeming to consider my statement. As soon the words left my mouth, I regretted sharing that much with him. _Why did you think that that telling Ryle was a good idea?_ He was the type of person that would show up in the hopes that there would be a chance at spend the evening with me.

It had slipped out but it wasn’t the end of the world. There were a few piers that I could freeload from and plenty more places to hide if he decided to drop by. “We could meet there. I buy you corndogs and we’ll see where it goes?” Ryle replied with a cocky grin. I felt myself cringe at his suggestion. _Ew._

“Maybe you should double check the schedule. Last I saw, you were working until close tonight. The show will be over long before then. Also you would be the worst date ever if you tried to feed me that garbage.” I added. 

Unlike him, I _had_ checked the schedule and knew that since he was here, it was time for me to clock out. I finished up the last drink that I had been preparing and made my exit. “See you next week. Has Christa posted the new schedule yet?” I asked, backpedaling towards the lockers. 

“Yeah. You’re opening everyday next week.” He laughed. _Of course I am._

I sighed and tried to keep my disgust unreadable, “Thanks for the warning.”

It didn’t matter to me when I worked, just as long as I wasn’t paired with Alex again or even Ryle if it could be helped. I collected my things and headed out the backdoor to my bike. Before I got a quarter of the way home, I was sweating profusely. It was 97 degrees out and I was in long pants and a three quarter length sleeve shirt. If I dressed in anything else I’d freeze to death at work. Christa liked to wish winter in her store. So I braved the heat and managed to get back home without passing out. 

Kat greeted me at the door with her excitement. “What’s up boss lady? Get into any trouble while I was gone?” I smiled at her. Kat climbed up my side, her forepaws propping her up on my hip. She’d gotten so big that she almost knocked me over when she leapt on me like this. It wasn’t all that long ago that I could pick her up when she greeted me. I pushed her away, but not before giving her a good scratch behind her ears.

She pranced ahead of me, still not giving my question an answer. “I’ll take that as a no then.” I went to the bedroom to change into something more appropriate for the weather. The state of my dresser told me that this evening was reserved for laundry after we got back. “What do you think about going to the beach later? You excited?” I asked her. Kat leapt onto the bed and grumbled back to me what might have been a yes. “Yeah, I thought you would be.”

I took off my shirt and threw it in the dirty cloths pile. “I’m going to run and do groceries first. When I come back we’ll get ready to go ok?” I explained. Kat seemed to loose interest and left the room. She could have such a short attention span sometimes. It was more likely that I gave more significance to the times that Kat showed interest in my ramblings. I continued to get changed and once I was finished I checked myself in the mirror. I was presentable I estimated. 

Then I grabbed my purse from the table and went to leave. Kat followed me to the door expecting that we would go for a walk. She pawed at her leash and looked up at me. “Later. It’s too hot right now.” I pet her and slipped out of the door before she had the chance to follow. Once I was in the hall I could hear her scratching at the door in my absence. She was none too pleased that I'd evaded her. I got in the elevator and took it down the garage. Once there I made my way over to the hideous yellow junker in the back. My intent had always been to keep that awful thing hidden in the corner, so that as few people as possible would see this piece of trash. It had been the bane of my existence since I’d bought it right before I went off to college.

Surely it wasn’t built to have lasted this long but somehow it had. There was more rust on it than paint at this point but it still rolled and that was all that I could be bothered with. I climbed in and turned my key in the ignition. At first it refused to start, wheezing and straining. “Please, Betsy ol’ girl don’t give up on me now.” I pleaded. Just after I started caressing her dashboard the engine turned over and she sputtered to life. 

“There you go. You've still got it.” I praised. _Sometimes I have to sweet talk her to get her to run._ In the back of my mind I knew this was only going to work for a little while longer. Sooner or later “Ol’ Betsy” was going to give out and then I’d be up shit creek. There was no way I could afford a new car, not that I’d be buying new anyway. I was more of a used lot kind of girl, though with my credit I'd be lucky to get used rollerblades. I learned that that's what happens after not paying any bills for two years straight; _really_ bad credit.

Shoving aside those thoughts, I drove down to the grocery store. I parked, got a cart and pulled out my shopping list. Then started around the store, weaving from isle to isle to toss in this or that. There was something therapeutic about crossing off the things on my list. If it weren’t for the checkout lines I would love grocery shopping. Ok, if it weren’t for the check out lines _and_ the fact that food wasn’t free, I would love grocery shopping. 

When I got to the produce section I picked up a bag of grapes and proceeded to sample one or seven. They weren’t sweet enough for my pallet but that didn’t stop me from having a mini snack in the process. I put each bunch back after popping a few in my mouth, pretending to be unable to decide on any one worth buying. In truth I didn't plan on buying any in the first place.

“Would you be able to tell when one of these are ripe?” He asked me. I felt the shudder run through me when I found myself looking up at Mr. Creepy. He was standing next to me. We were so close that my shoulder almost brushed his arm. I froze when the hot feeling of fear swelled through me. _How had I not seen him before now? Why hadn’t I heard him come this close?_ He’d just **appeared** beside me. I shook my head to answer his question because he still looked at me with an expectant gaze. _Use your words you idiot!_ I felt stupid for acting like this. Here I was, I was a grown woman, shaking my head like a little kid.

If I helped him maybe he would leave me alone. Maybe if I faced this fear I could overcome it and I could stop freaking out like this every time I saw him. That thought was easier said than done. Right now my heart felt like it was trying to squeeze into my throat. The last thing I was eager to do was face my fear. I was on the verge of panicking but I refused to let this show on my face. And my so-called good day suddenly felt sub-par at best. 

Without a word I took the mango from his outreached hand and sniffed it, “Not this one.” I made myself tell him. Much to my relief my voice didn’t sound anywhere near as frightened as I was. I kept my eyes off of him and did my best not to look in his direction. That made it easier. I reached across him to the mangos and found another riper one. I gave the new one an experimental squeeze and smell, then offered it to him, “If you plan on eating it today I’d go with this one. If you don’t mind waiting until tomorrow or the day after, then the one you had at first is fine too.” I stated. 

He sounded pleased with my answer. I didn't look to see for myself. “Thank you.” He mentioned.

“No worries.” I gave a little smile and made my way out of this part of the store. I didn’t need the produce enough to endure another second of this. When I was sure that I’d lost him, I leaned against my cart to catch my breath. _This has to stop._ Why did he make me feel like I was falling off of a cliff every time I saw him or when he was near me? No one had ever had this effect on me. My body wanted me to get as far away from him as I could but there was conflict in my terror. _I_ didn’t want to run even though my fear begged me too. 

For a brief time I tried to understand what it was about him that I was desperate to evade. He looked familiar, but not so familiar that I could quickly place where else I’d seen him before. It was somewhere aside from Christa’s but beyond that I wasn’t certain. _I don’t know him. Do I?_ Then it dawned on me. _He was that guy you almost ran over that afternoon you went to the pharmacy for refills._ It was comforting to have recalled his familiar face. However, that alone didn’t satisfy me.

There was so much more beneath the surface that I just couldn’t unpack and it fueled my wariness. _Is it stalking if I keep seeing him everywhere? When does this become stalking? Why would he be stalking me?_ After a while of going back and forth with myself I realized that I’d been standing here for over ten minutes. I needed to leave. There was no point in having an episode in the middle of the baking isle, so I forced myself to emerge from this hiding place. 

When I got to the front I saw him three lanes down from me. My movements slowed the more distracted I became, watching him from this distance. I felt my focus narrowing to him. The busy noises around me dulled until I felt that I was standing in silence as I watched him. When he glanced up to pay for the things that he’d bought, I turned my back and my senses flooded back to their usual potency. I really didn’t want him to catch me openly staring so I hurried to put my items on the belt. I wanted to get out of here as fast as possible.

The jittering in my stomach put me on edge. I did all that I could to keep from looking in his direction again, even though I wanted to. Then I felt him behind me, his gaze raising the hairs on the back of my neck. I didn't have to look to know that he was right behind me because I could feel it. My fingers clenched on the cart as he passed by on his way out of the store. The breath caught in my lungs and somehow I rationalized that if I stayed very still, he wouldn’t be able to see me. _He’s not a fucking T-Rex. He can still see you dumbass._

“Ma’am.” The cashier shouted to get my attention.

I jumped noticing that she was staring at me, as were the people behind me in line. I don’t know how many times that woman had tried to get my attention but it was more than twice. Instead of just getting my attention, it also got everyone within ten feet of me stare. I felt the hot burn of embarrassment steaming over my face, “How much was it?” I asked. To the best of my capabilities, I tried to pretend nothing had happened. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that these people thought that I was insane.

“$87.39.” the cashier woman repeated. I fished out a couple twenties and loaded my bags into the cart with haste. She gave me my change and I made a beeline for my car, never giving a backward glance at any of the other people in line behind me. I knew very well what I would find if I turned back. The curious and often piteous stares that would be cast in my direction. I'd had enough moments like these to have seen the full spectrum of those looks and each time was just as demeaning as the last. I was _always_ the spectacle. Of course I could never go out in public and conduct myself like a normal person. 

As I left the store, I hoped that he wouldn’t be lingering around the parking lot. The last thing that I needed was to freeze up like that again and have an accident on my way home. Once I was outside, I could breathe a little easier. I loaded the bags into the back of my car and the task helped me to collect my thoughts enough to feel safe driving home. Though there was no way of knowing how long this feeling of control would last. Sometimes this notion would linger for a few minutes and then there were the times where it would be gone before I even finished acknowledging it. I could only hope it would hold out until I got back into the safety of my apartment. 

It took me the rest of the afternoon to recover from this little incident. My day had been going great. Now I felt the anxiety lingering in the periphery of my thoughts. It was out of mind and just close enough for me to feel the dread of its weighty decent. I hated feeling like this. Whenever I thought that I might be happy or that I was close to finding peace, this always happened. Even if it wasn’t Mr. Creepy, something always sent me to the edge. I wanted to be able to live my life without fear of spiraling out of control. 

Though, I guess I should just be grateful that I hadn't started screaming the way that I sometimes did when my mind wondered away. Hell I should be celebrating the fact that I didn’t fall off that mental cliff into another terrifying hallucination. In moments like the one in the store, I found myself facing the boarder in my mind where reality and the terrifying visions met. It was a place that I could get lost in and stay lost for days or even months. That was how it had happened before. I didn’t want do that again. That would be my one-way ticket back home and back into the asylum.

I was sitting in my tub, listening to the music playing in the bedroom. My spirits were beginning to flutter to life once again. I didn’t want to be down and out like this. I didn’t want to become helpless or allow myself to fall down into this hole again. So I made the choice to not let it smother me. Even if I could only use my will to brighten my mood for the next few hours, I was going to do just that. It was by no means a permanent solution, but for as long as it lasted, I would make myself believe that I was normal. I was **going** to have one good day out of the myriad of terrible ones. 

I got out of the tub and dried off. Kat met me in the bedroom when I was getting dressed. I had made plans to go down to the beach to listen to one of my favorite performers and I was going to do just that.

Once I was ready, I headed out to the kitchen. I grabbed my purse, keys and her leash. Kat was excited to be going somewhere and was as eager to get out of the door. It was best to let her run off some energy before we got there or she wouldn’t give me any peace to enjoy the show. On that thought, I grabbed one of her favorite toys and stuffed it in my bag and then we went outside. I climbed on my bike and started towards the pier.

There weren’t very many people out on the route that we took. When we got close I left my bike at one of the shops on the boardwalk. Kat knew where we were going and she was peeved to be told to wait. She surged ahead of me, pulling on her leash until I followed her down onto the sand. 

“If I let you off, you better be on your best behavior.” I told her. With a quick glance around to make sure that no one was watching, I let her off the leash and she bolted towards the waves. She would only go so far. I took the time to get settled here on sand before I sat down on my towel and put my bag beside me. All the while I kept a close eye on Kat as she splashed around in the surf or paddled out into the breaking waves. 

After the better half of an hour had passed, I felt the ease beginning to come over me. I watched the waves crashing in. It was peaceful this time of day. There was almost nothing as relaxing as being on an empty stretch of beach, watching the sea blend into the horizon. My jitters settled and I didn’t feel so lost. When I was here, it was like I was closer to something that filled me with content and the waves lulled me into a deeper state of ease. I didn't think about what had happened with the mangos, about how I'd forgotten so much of the last few years, my scars or why this strange man seemed to appear everywhere I went. I was worlds away from all of that, in my safe haven where none of it mattered.

Kat bounded back to me and tried to climb in my lap. It was her personal mission to bring me back to reality. She was drenched and dripped water all over me. If that weren't bad enough she licked me in the face while I tried to push her away, “Get away! Here…fetch!” I scrambled to get her toy from the bag and throw it towards the waves. I threw the toy as hard as I could and she brought it back, barking and whining for me to do it again. The two of us went back and forth for a while.

Then across the waves I heard the crowd starting to cheer as the first few notes echoed towards me. By some stroke of fortune, Kat settled nearby to chew on her toy. I took my change to sit and listened to the melodies that wafted towards us. Soon I was humming along to the distant tune. If it were only true for right now, here in this minute, I believed that everything would be ok.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope to have another chapter for you soon. Things are a little slow right now but I promise they won't be for very much longer.


	5. Ask Me Again Later...

“Ele, I need you to watch the store. I have make a trip to the bank. If you run short on change before I get back just round up to the nearest dollar for me?” Christa instructed. _Cheapskate_

“Sure thing.” I answered, forcing myself to put on a smile in acknowledgment.

Christa left me at the counter and went through the employee entrance in the back. No matter how many times she asked me to do things that weren’t in my job description, she always developed amnesia when it came time to promote her assistant managers. I was trustworthy enough to run the store for her on days where she wanted to call in slick or when she needed to run errands, yet that did not qualify me for a promotion. What was I supposed to do, start telling her no? Then she would give me the shit shifts or cut back my hours out of spite. I needed the money more than I did the respect of a higher position. So, I would quietly endured her slights like I always did. 

She had been gone for a while now and in that time I helped a few customers, but things were very slow today. Alex had just gone on his break and I was stuck at the register for the next thirty minutes. Thankfully after that, it wouldn't be very much longer until my shift ended. Just another four hours and I'd be free.

To kill time I started washing up the mixing cups. Keeping busy would help to distract me from my imprisonment. My back was to the register when I heard a man clear his throat to announce his presence. “I’ll be right with you.” I called to him. I finished with the cup I’d been rinsing and turned around, still drying my hands on my apron when I saw him standing there. _Mr. Creepy. Of course it’s you._

My body shuddered and I tried to hide it, but there was no way that he hadn’t see me falter. _Why are you here this early?_ He never came in before noon. That was something that I’d been relying on since our run in at the grocery store. In my effort to avoid another situation like the one in the produce section, I had gotten strategic with my breaks. Instead of taking them in the middle of my shift, I saved them for the back end so that I could leave before he arrived. Now he'd caught on and I was cornered.

There would be no escaping or shimmy out of sight the way that I had done before. I collected myself as best as I could and attempted not to look directly at him. The key word there was " _attempted_ " because as soon as I tried not to look, I did. My eyes slid over his face, that incredibly handsome face. His eyes were a deep green, not like any green that I had ever seen before—no, that I _had_ seen before. It was very familiar though for what reason was, again, a complete mystery to me.

My gaze wondered higher to his curly jet-black hair. _I bet it would feel great to run my fingers though it. Focus!_ I looked down to the screen in front of me to stop myself from undressing him with my eyes. “What can I get for you?” I asked, managing to swallow back the unwanted surge of interest. My eyes flitted back up to his face, lingering at his lips, then moving lower to his neck. _I bet he smells good. He looks like he smells **really** good. How has it taken you this long to notice this?_ Only I could be this inconsistent. I had gone from becoming into a basket case whenever I was within ten feet of him, to fanaticizing about touching him all over. _And I mean **all over.**_

“What would you recommend?” He asked me. For the first time in my life, I felt like I might swoon. _The accent…and his voice. That's the voice of an angel—Stop!_ The weakness in my knees was like something out of a movie; a sappy, _sappy_ movie. Of course, I didn't let him see the effect he had on me. At least I hope that I hadn't. _Get a grip!_

I held my composure and tried to appear to be giving his question thorough consideration. My attempt at appearing contemplative faded until I was openly ogling. _Dammit!_ He smirked at my struggle, taking pride in being the cause of it. I looked away again, biting the inside of my cheek as punishment for my lack of self-control.

Then I checked the door to make sure that Christa was still out of the shop. The coast was clear. “Black coffee. I’m supposed to tell you to _try our ‘Cup of the Day’_ but everything here tastes like ass. Plain coffee is cheaper. We give away the cream and sugar that you would pay for in one of the mixed drinks. More importantly, it'd make my life a hell of a lot easier. Don’t—don’t tell my boss I told you that.” I managed to say.

Was my recommendation made out of self-interest? Yes. Did I really care if he saved an extra dollar? A little bit. Most of all, I just preferred that he give Christa as little of his money as possible. Sure it was childish, but that sort of passive aggression was all that I could afford to risk. He chuckled and gave me a casual nod. The sound of his laugh awakened something in me, something that I had been neglected for a very long time. It stoked a warmth in my core, prodding my libido to awaken. That tortured creature stretched like a kitten, brushing off the dust it accumulated in the recesses of my mind. 

“You’re secret is safe with me. I will take your advice.” He replied with smile.

I grabbed a cup and the marker, “What was your name—“

“Loki.”

In what felt like reflex, I scribbled it down. It was only after I’d written it that I realized what I’d scrawled was unintelligible. It was just a bunch of strange symbols. _Now is not the time for this._ It felt familiar to write, as if the mention of his name had triggered a muscular reflex. A reflex that resulted in this collection of squiggles. That didn't stop the embarrassment from sweeping through me. 

I sighed in exasperation, “Shit.” 

When I reached to take a new cup to try again, Loki interjected, “No—that’s correct.” His expression was suddenly serious but equally confused. I glanced back down those foreign lines. The longer I stared at what I'd written, the more I felt a vague understanding of its meaning. I didn't know how I knew, only that I did know. My mind wasn't comfortable with this discrepancy, but I had to close that line of thinking before something bad happened. I didn't trust myself enough to allow my thoughts to wonder in new directions. _This is ridiculous._

"There is no need to begin again." Loki insisted. I glared back at him, my eyes full of skepticism.

I snorted at the absurdity, “If you insist.” If he wanted chicken scratch on his cup, who was I to deny him? 

I turned away to pour from one of the coffeepots from the back counter. After I snapped on a lid and a sleeve, I slid it over to him. It may have been an accident considering I was left-handed and he was right-handed, but I think he’d done it on purpose. His hand brushed mine. It wasn’t more than the skim of his fingers over my own, lasting less than a second but it reverberated through me like an electric shock. I snatched my hand from beneath his, more abruptly than I had intended. The gesture was as much of a reflex as writing his name had been. Both had been beyond my conscious control. 

“Sorry.” He muttered, taking his cup. Loki didn’t even seem to notice the small gesture, not in the way that I had. I nodded and returned to the place where I’d been leaning. There were only a few people in the store and no one new for me to help. As long as Christa was away I wasn’t going to bust my ass to do any work. _She doesn’t pay me enough for all that level of dedication._

Unlike every other time that he ordered, Loki didn’t go and find his usual seat. He lingered by the counter, mixing the cream and sugar into his coffee. What surprised me most was that I hadn’t started to panic. I was standing here with him just a few feet away and I didn’t feel like I was falling off of a cliff. He had spoken to me and even touched my hand and I wasn’t even half as terrified as I had been the first time I laid eyes on him. Hell, I wasn’t even freaking out like I had after the mango incident. Now I was certain that my mind was playing games with me. _I'm just as crazy as everyone thinks I am._

I decided that I would take advantage of this composure while it lasted and test my boundaries. I wanted to understand why I reacted to him this way. He didn't mean to put me through what I went through each time we crossed paths. There was no way that he could know what he did to me, but I hoped to understand out why I reacted to him the way that I did. A conversation would do more to put me at ease than cowering every time I saw him would. So I plucked together my scraps of courage and decided to speak to him.

Loki wasn’t looking in my direction, he was busy stirring his drink. “Why do you keep showing up everywhere I go?” I asked. Then Loki glanced up at me, hardly giving my question a second thought. 

“I’m not stalking you if that’s what your concern is.” I felt my eyes narrow at his statement. 

“I never said you were, not to your face anyway. First that day on my way home when I almost ran you over and then at the store with the mangos.” I explained. All the while I watched him, fighting back the sick nervous feeling that knotted in my stomach. 

“Yes. I will admit to being in those places with you. Did you think I wouldn't noticed how frequently our paths cross? I was beginning to wonder if you were following me." Loki mentioned. 

I didn’t mean to laugh out loud but I did, “I am _definitely_ not following you.” 

“So then we’ve been at the same place, at the same time, on so many different occasions by coincidence? Do you expect me to believe that? Every time we are near you stare in with such intense focus. Have you have developed some sort of an infatuation with me?” He asked raising a brow. 

“I’m not obsessed with you. You just keep showing up—how did the burden of proof fall on me? I asked you first.” I countered, my protest impassioned. Loki folded his arms and gave me an amused shrug, “ Look…I don’t know if I’m just going crazy or if you actually are popping up everywhere. I just thought I'd ask. Maybe I’m a bit more unhinged than usual.“ I said with a half laugh. 

“I doubt it. However, I think it would relieve you greatly to admit that you have in fact been following me.” He jested, meandering a step closer to the counter. Loki flashed me another smile before taking a cautious sip of his drink. _Be still my heart._ I shook my head, trying to loose my shy smile. Somehow I was feeling less intimidated by him. After avoiding him for so long, I had turned him into this menacing faceless figure. Now that he was standing before me he felt like a real person and not a bogeyman.

The tension eased from my shoulders some. It wasn’t some magical moment of revelation but it was progress. Silence fell between us and I still fought to keep my eyes off of him. I was used to keeping my nerves in check, yet this new drive was wily and didn’t much like being asked to behave. Were it to have its way, I’d be inviting him to the back to go check out the storage room, sans pants. 

“We could _arrange_ to be in the same place at the same time. I have a feeling you would find that to be less objectionable.” Loki offered. 

My jaw slacked in surprise, “Are you asking me out?” I asked with a scoff. 

“Yes, I am. Would you be available for dinner anytime soon? Perhaps this coming Friday?” Loki asked. Now he was standing at the counter across from me and we were face to face. 

At first I didn’t know what to say. I knew that I should say no. Up until a few minutes ago I’d been avoiding him for a reason. I couldn’t just throw all that away like it had never happened. Yet just like everything pertaining him, I was conflicted. I wanted to say yes and I knew that I shouldn’t. “You think you’re one smooth fella don’t you? Is this a part of your scheme? Flattery after you stalked your next victim?” I asked folding my arms in defense. 

“Victim?” Loki questioned. He looked thrown off by my word choice.

“How do I know you’re not some psychopath? I mean what kind of name is Loki anyway? Who wears leather like that in this Georgia heat? It’s supposed to be a hundred and two out there today and you have on that jacket? All these things look like red flags. Flags that read, ‘you’re suspicious’ and ‘don’t wonder off alone with that guy if you want to live’.” I replied never breaking his stare. 

I should have known he already had a comeback by the delighted smile that spread across his cheek. “I see. The jacket is for when I’m in here because…you see that chair over there by the window?” Loki asked gesturing to the armchair that he usually sat in. Some woman had claimed it today, but most days it was his. I glanced in the direction he mentioned and gave him a nod. 

“That is the best seat in this establishment. It get’s the perfect amount of sunlight and it's comfortable. However, it’s located under the vent there. You wear considerably conservative clothing for this, _Georgia heat_ because you are in this place for far longer than I am. You get quite cold in here do you not? As for my name, legend has it that it that it is the name of a god...to some. Whether there is truth to that claim, greatly depends on who you ask.” Loki explained. I felt my eyes flitting over his expression in search of something else to question. I didn't want to give him a victory without a fight.

"God of what?" I asked incredulously.

"Wouldn't you like to know." He bit back grin.

“You’re one tricky bastard you know that?” I muttered, accepting that he’d outmaneuvered me. 

He was amused. “Yes, I am aware of that.” Loki commented, taking another sip of his coffee. 

“Well...flattery won’t get you anywhere. You could point out my wonderful qualities until you are blue in the face, but I won’t be anymore inclined to take you up on your offer.” I countered. 

“Will seduction?” _You could give it try...no! He's creepy remember! Stay away from him! What is the matter with you?_

“Loki you seem like a really fun guy to spend an evening with, so I’m going to stop you before you go any farther. I’m not really looking to get involved with anyone right now. So thanks but no thanks…I just can’t. I’ll still give you stellar coffee advice though.” I answered with a reticent smile. 

“I can honor that.” Loki replied with a slight nod. I don’t know what I was expecting him to do but I hadn't expected him to so casually accept my answer. I had rejected him because I always rejected men who made advances. All the others, not that it was that long of a line, had shown some look of defeat with my refusal though Loki hadn’t. He looked like he **had** expected me to say no and took my answer with dignity. That wasn’t something that I’d ever seen in the hand full of men that tried to sweep me off my feet.

Instead of reassuring me that I’d made the right choice it only made me more curious about him and less sure of everything that I had been trying to convince myself of. _Was he different from those guys in other ways too?_ A man that took no for an answer wasn’t something I’d come across often. Though to be fair I was surrounded by assholes. “Thanks for understanding.” I replied, my voice came out smaller than intended. 

“I’ll see you next time then.” Loki said shooting me a friendly smile as he headed towards the door. The best I could do was nod as he turned to leave.

Loki passed by Christa on his way out. I hadn’t even heard the bell at the door. She came behind the counter and stopped next to me, watching Loki exit. “Is that the guy you were talking about? Your stalker?” 

I nodded, “Yeah.” _Why did I have to open my mouth to her about that? What the **hell** was I thinking?_

“Is he harassing you?” Christa asked. For once she looked like she might actually be concerned for me. I wasn’t foolish enough to think that I could trust her sincerity. Especially not after her I’d gotten burned because of her negligence. 

“No. We were just talking.” I said quietly. 

“Are you sure? I had a friend once who was stalked and let me tell you, it isn’t fun. I’d never want you to get caught up in something like that. You can tell me if he’s becoming a problem.” Christa urged. _You have friends? Like people who people who **like** being around you? **People who aren’t paid to be near you and do so by choice?**_

“Thanks for your concern. I think I’m going to be alright though.” I said turning to her. _Please just go away and let me pretend I’m somewhere else for the next few hours._

* * *

I flopped onto the sofa. “He asked me out Kat. Of course I said no. After all that time I spent freaking out and now this? You want to know the strangest part? I think I should have said yes. No…I wanted to say yes even though I knew that I should say no.” I told her. Kat looked at me but with little interest. “Maybe I’m really overthinking it this time.” I muttered with a heavy sigh. Kat walked away, not even bothering to grumbled back to me the way she sometimes did. “I wasn’t done talking to you by the way.” I called after her but she continued into the bedroom. I guess she didn’t have time for my bellyaching today.

 _I should have said yes._ What did I really have to loose? From what I could tell he seemed like a decent guy. He made me smile and that wasn’t something many people could do these days. _I_ couldn’t even make myself do that anymore. There were times I wondered if I even remembered how to smile. I groaned and turned onto my front feeling the beginnings of regret growing in me. _You should have said yes._

For so long I’d kept people at a distance for fear of being left behind. It was once a conscious act of self-preservation but now it had become an habitual behavior. Pushing people away had always been my way of limiting the heartache I’d suffer when they turned their back on me. It never took very long. I'd slip up and then they saw what I fought to keep to myself. So far no one had stayed after the grand reveal.

Being by myself was almost as painful as being left behind. To be wanted and abandoned was only slightly worse than never being wanted in the first place. If being alone hurt about the same amount, maybe letting _someone_ in wouldn’t make that much of a difference. Neither choice would help to solve my problems, if anything it was sure to complicate them. Though a moment of comfort, no matter how brief, might be worth the trouble. 

Even if nothing ever came of it, a single date couldn’t do too much damage. _Right?_ One date didn’t mean that I was going to get involved with him emotionally. One date didn’t mean I was going to sleep with him, even if my lower half would be mighty dismayed by my resolve. It didn’t have mean anything at all. But just one could lead to another and then another. It could be the beginning of involvement, emotional attachment and everything else that I never allowed myself to get tangled in.

Who was I kidding, he’d never ask me on a second date if he got a first. He certainly wouldn’t if I started to react to him the way I usually did. I’d lucked up and not acted like a total wackjob today, but the statistics weren’t in my favor. One out of three encounters we’d had had been normal. That was _not_ a safe wager. I chuckled to myself now thinking of how absurd it was to put the cart miles before the horse with that one. _If there is a next time, I’ll say yes._ That thought amused me. _What do I have to loose?_

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I would just like to confess how frustrated I got with this chapter. No matter how hard I tried it just did not want to cooperate. I think I tortured it (and myself) enough with edits and rewrites. Anyway, next chapter there will be a good surprise. I should have that posted soonish.


	6. Sweet Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot, flashbacks, **smut**!

_Loki dismounted our horse and turned back to offer me his hand. I let him help me down and when I slid out the saddle, I landing in his arms. “Are you just going to leave your horse here?” I asked looking up at him._

_“He won’t wonder far.” Loki replied, dismissing the idea with a casual shrug. He wasn’t as concerned as I thought he should have been. Then Loki gathered the blanket from the back of the saddle, unlacing the leather strings that kept it bound there._

_A gentle breeze began to stir the air, carrying warm salty spray from the ocean towards us. I wondered away from him and down to the edge of the grassy dune that rose over the beach. For as far as I could see, the shore went on in both directions but to my left was the rainbow bridge. The colossal structure reached far out over the water and lead to what looked like an astronomy observatory. My best guess was that that was the Bifrost. Up close the bridge was beautiful, more beautiful than I ever imagined. I had seen it numerous times, miles away through a window in the palace though I'd never in person._

_I bent down to take off my shoes, having to pull up the hem of my skirts to get to my feet. The grass between my toes was a feeling I never thought that I’d missed. Sometimes on my walks with Loki I’d sneak and slip off my shoes. He didn’t like it when I did that. Whenever he noticed that I was barefoot, he would scold. This was different I suspected. I hadn’t been to the beach in ages and I was more excited than I expected I'd be. The waves lapped against the shore below and I felt like a little kid, impatient to get in the water. I was only going to get my feet wet as apposed to swimming. Nevertheless, it was still very excited. “Loki hurry up!” I said turning back to him._

_He chuckled moving towards me. I took his hand and pulled him faster towards the beach. “It has been there for millennia. I promise it won’t have moved if we were to take our time.” Loki teased, pulling me back towards him._

_“Loki you’re moving so slow.” I whined in protest. He chuckled to himself at my impatience, following me towards the water until we reached the sand. It was still warm from the heat of the day and I scrunched my toes until they burrowed into the wet beach. I found that I found pleasure in some of the simplest things the longer I was deprived of them._

_Loki urged me to follow him and we walked along the shore until we came to stand below the rainbow bridge. He began to spread our blanket and I marveled at the span above us. It was magnificent, the crystalline surface ebbing and flowing with light as if it could breathe. Each exhale exuding a spectrum of color through the overpass. There was something magical about watching it sparkle and shine against the darkened sky. I stood in awe, taking my time to soak in every little detail. There was a slim change I’d ever be able to convince him to bring me here again. I felt him hold me from behind, pulling me flush against his front. “Is it all that you hoped for?” Loki asked me. His lips brushed the shell of me ear when he spoke._

_“That and then some.” I said continuing to gape. He pressed a kiss at the curve of my jaw. It tickled and I felt myself laughing. I turned to face him, and put my arms over his shoulders to pull myself higher to level with him. “Thank you.” My voice muffled against his shoulder when I hugged him._

_“I do attempt to entertain my guests.” He unhooked my arms from around his neck then took my hand in his. With our fingers interwoven, I pulled him towards the water. I wanted to dip my feet into the waves that washed up the shore. It was then that I began to take it all in, the clear night sky above us, illuminated by the stars and moons that stood against the inky backdrop. Another breeze of warm air swept around me as I took in the familiar yet slightly new smell of the ocean. I could make a fortune if I bottled this scent. The incoming tide swept across my feet until it reached my ankles. After it climbed past my shins I backpedaled higher on the shore and away from the incoming tide. I would have escaped if Loki hadn’t remained in place. He held me close by his side, keeping me from getting to far out of reach of the breaking wave. “We’re getting wet!” I said with concern._

_He shrugged, “I suspect that is but another reason to disrobe then isn’t it.” He said pulling me against him. He’d stated that so casually, like I was having a hard time keeping up with something so obvious._

_“I didn’t know that we had a first one.” I said innocently. It wasn’t the false innocence that I was used to employing on him, not that he ever once fell for it. This was a real innocence that I rarely let show for fear of him exploiting it. Loki didn’t provide further explanation._

_His fingers began to unlace the bodice of my dress. I looked up at him, biting my lip with some anxiety. Before he advanced much farther I took his hand away to stop him, “Are you sure that no one will see us?”_

_“No.” He shrugged, returning to his unhurried mission to disrobe me._

_“So we’re just going to strip down to our birthday suits and hope that no one happens by?” I asked arching an eyebrow._

_“Yes.” Loki stated. A smile tugged at his lips when he went back to undoing more of the lacing until the bodice fell open. I’d never skinny dipped before. It was something I’d never had the nerve to do even though I fanaticized about the thrill of it. A bigger wave washed ashore taking me by surprise with its height. It hit me mid calves and weighing down the skirts of my dress._

_He was right. We **were** already wet. With that, my mind was made up and I began to undress him in return, starting with him pants. I smiling up at him, suddenly giddy with the prospect of doing something so forbidden. Loki pulled my dress up and over my head. I ducked out of the way when water dripping from it’s soaked fringes. He threw it farther up the beach before stepping out of his pants. _

_Now we were both in our undergarments and still I felt that rush of feelings flush through me whenever I fully exposed myself to him. I’d lost count of how many times he’d undressed me so far. I was starting to become totally at ease with him. There were even times when I was more comfortable naked than clothed with him._

_I pulled the waist of his underwear down until the fabric slipped past his manhood. Even though we were intimate more frequently, I still couldn’t stop the shy blush that spread cross my cheeks or the jolt of excitement in my stomach at the sight of this very masculine part of him. He undid my bra, tossing it along side my dress farther up the dunes before doing the same with his underthings. I tentatively stepped farther into the water feeling the undercurrent pulling the sand from beneath my toes._

_“Be careful. There are drop offs where the water is very deep.” Loki said, now close behind me._

_“I’ll be fine. Remember **I** can swim.” I teased. I turned back to him and held back a grin when I saw the defensive expression on his face. _

_“That hardly counts. There wasn’t a rip current and for the record I’m a strong swimmer.” He hurried to correct me._

_I laughed at how defensive he’d gotten, “I believe you Loki.” I put my arms over his shoulders to kiss him. Without warning Loki scooped me into his arms running farther into the cresting waves. I squealed tightening my arms around him. Then he jumped into the deep water submerging us both. I tried to cling to Loki when we surfaced. Sputtering water from my face I held onto him. Then I let go, testing to see if I could touch the bottom. I went under having to kick my legs to resurface._

_Loki had no trouble considering he was so much taller than me. I heard him laughing now as he held me against him so that I wouldn’t have to tread water. “Are you trying to get even by drowning me?” I asked._

_“Maybe.” Loki replied pulling my legs on either side of his hips. My breasts pressed against his chest and a pang of arousal blazed through my core._

_“How does it work; the Bifrost I mean?”I asked._

_“That I cannot tell you. Even if you could understand my explanation, which you wouldn’t, it is not something that I’m at liberty share.” Loki answered._

_“Is it because I’m Midgardian?” I asked, half mimicking the tone he used when he mentioned my realm. I don’t think he ever really meant for it to come out as condescending at it sometimes did, but I was starting to gather that not many people thought highly of Midgard. It had something to do with how it wasn't as advanced as the realms they had more dealings with._

_“Yes and no.” Loki offered but he didn’t explain any more than that._

_“Oh, so it’s classified, top secret. On a need to know basis and I don’t have clearance. I get it.” I laughed, continuing to marvel at the bridge over his shoulder. I had a hard time tearing my eyes away from it. I’d yearned for so long to get this close._

_“Now that you’ve seen the bridge will you stop pestering me about it each time you catch a glimpse of it?” Loki asked. I shrugged and he relaxed his arms letting my sink under the incoming wave. I pulled up on him gasping when I breached the surface._

_“Stop being a jerk.” I sputtered, coughing out seawater._

_This time he didn’t make any effort to hold me up, finding my floundering funny. “I am not.” Loki challenged._

_“Yes you are. You’re being a super jerk.” I said as a wave came in to side swipe us. Spitting out water I tightened my arms around his neck, wrapping my legs tighter around his waist. Now I was clinging to him to keep from getting washed out to sea. Despite the warm current I felt his sex fitting against mine. “Fine. I won’t keep pestering you,” I whispered, “but I think you like it when I get on your nerves.”_

_“What makes you think that?” He asked, kissing the side of my neck. It was harder to think with his lips on me now._

_“Because…when I irritate you, you kiss me.” I stated. My fingers ran through his wet hair to brush it back and out of his face._

_I felt his laugh rumble into my chest, “I kiss you for many of reasons dove, the main one being I enjoy doing it. The second, you’re delicious.” He muttered pressing his lips to mine. The tiniest gasp slipped from me when he did, earning something akin to a growl from him, “The third is when you do that.” He whispered with a hungry look in his eyes._

_Loki's forearms came to rest under my thighs to support my weight. Now his hands cupped my ass and held me harder against him. I felt his growing stiffness against my softer parts. This new intimacy in our relationship was something that I was very fond of. “What changed your mind about coming here? You were dead set against it the last time I asked about it. Did my pestering pay off?” I asked curiously._

_Loki had no hesitation in answering my question. “I had a dream where you were lying beneath the bridge. You were spread out before me and waiting for me to make love to you. How could I resist making that vision reality?”_

_“Wow, I’m really good at getting under your skin aren't I. Do you dream of me often?” I asked with a laugh._

_Loki laughed at the question. “What do you think? Do you believe that just because I’m asleep I wouldn’t want wanted bend you over a table and burry myself inside of you or fuck you against a wall until the only name you are able to remember is mine?”_

_I giggled against his lips, kissing him again, “There are plenty of walls in the palace and I have yet to be fucked against a single one of them. Last I checked I remembered my name as well. Looks like you're slacking.” I challenged._

_“That won’t be hard to remedy.” Loki replied tasting me again._

_“You’d better.” I teased but then he pulled away._

_“ Do you dream of me?” He asked._

_“All the time. It’s not always full of X-rated sexy times. Sometimes we’re just together like any ordinary day.” I answered quietly. Loki kissed me again, his tongue probing for entrance, which I gladly granted._

_Soon I felt him carrying me from the water back towards the beach. I tighten my arms around his neck and took his hungry kissed as he gently lay me on the blanket before crowding over me. I felt my heart slamming against my chest anticipating that first moment when his body would invade mine. He’d fill me so deeply that I’d struggle to take all of him. Even if it was a little uncomfortable at first, I always accommodated every inch of him._

_“Is this anything like your dream?” I asked when he pulled back for air. I saw him nod before he lowered his head to lavish my throat with hungry kisses. I wished that I could have dreams like this, vivid fantasies that felt this amazing. My fist clenched in the blanket when his mouth bruised me, leaving his mark in plain sight. I should have hated it when he did that but it was hard to be upset with him for something that felt so fucking good._

_Loki pulled back, pressing the head of him to my opening. I pushed my legs farther apart forcing my heels into the sand beneath me to push against. He slowly entered me and I felt us join, skin to skin. Then his body entered mine, sinking deeper into me until my head tipped back in ecstasy. A quiet moan escaping me, half pleasure and the other a bit of discomfort from how big he was. Loki bent forward and kissed me while he continuing to seat himself in me painfully slowly. Then he stilled, having pushed as far in as he could and I was trembling a little, my arousal already building with his presence alone._

_Loki angled his hips to withdraw, only to thrust back into me. This was my second favorite feeling of our joining. My fingers wove through his hair and I look skywards, into the vast starry blackness. Moons and planets shone brightly above us as he drove into me. Soon my breathing had risen from just quickened breaths to heady groans. Loki was quieter though every now and again he’d groan and it did something wonderful to me._

_We were building and gathering together and I looked up at him now. Those beautiful green eyes focused only on me as our bodies joined in the most basic act know to either of our kind.My body tensed and I whimpered, my feet shifting in the sand as I met each of his thrusts, having still not quite gotten used to the intensity of the feelings he could give me. That was nothing compared to the orgasm he gave me. They were better than any I’d ever given myself but with him I never knew what to expect._

_“Let go dove…let me feel your tight cunt clenching me.” He managed in a strangled whisper, dipping his head to nip at my throat. His hips moving faster and harder until I began to feel the waves of my climax washing through me—_

When I awoke the sun washed through my windows, burning away every trace of the dream. I sighed running my hands over my face unable to ignore the aching arousal that refused to be surpassed. _When did you start dreaming of **him**_? Swallowing thickly I reached into my bedside table getting my vibrator to at least give myself some form of relief. There was no way I could go the next ten hours with that fantasy floating around my brain and not constantly be distracted. 

I closed my eyes reaching back for the fading memory of his lips on my skin, the feeling of him embedding his cock inside of me. _I wish it had all been real._ My mind echoed those delicious sounds that he made, imagining that they filled the silence instead of the quiet hum of my battery-operated substitute. When I did climax it was disappointing. It wasn’t anywhere near as delicious as the end my dreams promised. 

For a long while I lay there on my back, staring at the ceiling. The receding euphoric high was slowly replaced by the hollow emptiness that I’d become used to. Maybe my bed wouldn’t feel so empty if he were in it. _You hardly know this guy. Don’t complicate this by bringing someone else into this mess. For all you know he could be come serial killer and you want to him in your bed because you had a toe curling fantasy. Well, at least if he really is a psycho murderer there’s a chance he’ll kill you. Then this suffering would be over. I wouldn’t even put up a fight. Hell, I might thank him for his services._

That last thought scared me. I’d been pretty low before but I never let my thoughts get that dark. Not this early in the morning anyway. Each day I woke up hoping that whatever it was that I was missing wouldn’t be anymore. I wished that when I looked in the mirror I would see a face I recognized or that I didn’t pine for something I couldn’t identify or wish that something would to finally put my heartache to an end.

All the while, time seemed to move so much faster and slower all at once. Three and a half years hardly felt like any time at all, though when they passed, every second of it felt like an eternity. If this was what the rest of my life would feel like, it wasn’t encouraging. 

Kat leapt onto the bed and I tucked my vibrator under the covers. I’d lost one too many to her thinking it was a chew toy. My day wasn’t off to a bright enough start to deal with that disappointment. She flopped down panting her dog breath in my face, “Could you not?” I shover her muzzle in the other direction. Kat climbed to her feet, standing on my chest with her front paws. I tried to push her off and she barked in my face, confusing my protests for play. “Get off me.” I said sharply. With that Kat bounded off of the bed. When she leapt off to the floor, she used my stomach as her springboard. 

I rolled onto my side nursing the pain of having the wind kicked out of me. Not long after I water sloshing across the floor and my eyes widened. “Kat!” I sighed climbing to my feet. She had begun pushing her water bowl from the kitchen towards the bedroom sloshing a trail of water in her path. When I reached her Kat looked up at me, those mismatched eyes alight with excitement for doing something that pleased me, or so she thought. “What is your deal today?” I asked kneeling to face her. My attention made her tail wag, then she gave me her eloquent explanation in her own words. “I have no idea what you’re saying. Stop making messes for me to clean up please?” I asked, giving her a scratch behind the ears. 

I put her bowl back in the kitchen and wiped up the spilled water. Then had to get dressed for work. While the glow of payday still lingered in my account, I decided to treat myself to breakfast. My morning wasn’t off to a great start so I figured I had earned a little pick me up. I only worked a few hours today so I could afford to put off walking Kat until I came back around lunchtime. After I dressed I grabbed my purse and gave Kat another scratch behind the ears before I left. The bike shop wasn’t as far from my place as the Christa’s so I didn’t even need to take my bike to get there on time. 

I enjoyed walking places more than biking. It gave me time to think or listen to my music without having to focus on anything other than putting one foot in front of the other. I wasn’t very interested thinking this morning, though my playlist was stellar. The weather was mild today and allowed for a refreshing leisurely walk. It wasn’t often that I had the time to do this given my work schedule, so I savored every second I could have to myself. Well, every second of tranquility that I could have to myself. All I ever had was alone time so it wasn’t much of a novelty anymore.

After walking for a few minutes I came to a diner that made the best breakfast. I took a seat out on the terrace. From where I was sitting the sidewalk was just on the other side of the railing. Soon a waitress came to greet me. Stake and eggs was my favorite item on their menu. Even if I had to eat noodles for every meal until my next pay, I was going to enjoy this. While I waited for my food, I watched the people around me, discretely of course. I tried to imagine where they might be headed after this. Some of them I imagined came with friends or coworkers. They all laughed and joked over their meals. 

Maybe they would head to their office together or go their separate ways and text back about how much they enjoyed the new menu item. I smiled at the thought finding some vicarious enjoyment from their socializing. Then there was the family with the two kids. One of the children was still in a highchair and the other looked to be about seven. His parents were chastising him for not putting away his phone at the table. Somehow even that dynamic took me someplace happier, back to my own childhood. It made me think of better times in my life when I didn’t know what it was like to feel this lost. 

With that last thought, I looked across at the empty space in front of me. That was even more dissatisfying so I glanced down at my phone to kill time. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him. Loki strolled past without seeing me. “Hey wait!” I called after him. The plea came out before I could even realize what I was doing. 

“Good morning. I almost didn’t recognize you without a frown on your face.” Loki stated as he sauntered towards me. 

I chuckled, “Is my resting bitch face that bad?”

“Is that what you call it?” He asked with a laugh. 

“I always thought I hid my distain for that Christa’s a little better than that.” I answered through a coy smile. 

“I’m sorry to inform you that it is not a very well kept secret. Though there is something endearing about the way you scowl when asked to perform menial tasks.” Loki countered. I looked away fighting the burning blush that heated my cheeks. Even though it wasn’t all that visible, I still couldn’t look at him until without feeling my cheeks grow hot. Then there was also that stupid grin that wanted to spread across my face. _You’re just losing control of everything aren’t you?_

“That’s generally called poor customer service but its good to know my displeasure does something for one of us.” I retorted. 

“If your scowl is that delightful, I can only imagine what your smile might do to me.” Loki added. He came to lean on the railing next to me so that we were face to face. 

I didn’t even try to fight my grin this time, “Are you serious? Do you talk to all of your baristas like this?” I asked after I remembered how to use my words.

“Only the ones who give me coffee advice.” He answered, giving me a cocky smirk of his own. I found myself staring with longing at his smile, admiring the way that his lips curled with expression. 

Of course he noticed, he always noticed whenever my gaze wondered from his eyes to take in the rest of him. He was handsome, and he knew I thought so. I shouldn’t have turned him down the other day. That was a stupid mistake. I hoped like hell that Loki would consider making another offer. If he didn't I sure as heck would. “This is the third time we’ve run into each other. I think it’s time you did some explaining.” I prompted. 

“An explanation for what?” He asked looking a little perplexed. 

“Do you work nearby or live in the area? I mean we see other all time. There has to be some overlap somewhere.” I said. The waitress came by with my food and I paused, “Do you want to sit or were you headed someplace?” I asked him after a moment of contemplation. Loki climbed over the railing and claimed the chair across from me, letting that serve as his answer.

“I work in the office complex near the your store. It’s where I take my breaks and unwind after a long day. It may not seem like it from your perspective, but from a customer’s standpoint it is a relaxing setting.” Loki told me.

“I’m sure it is. I do every damn thing for you people so your part is a breeze.” I mused beginning to cut up my meat into small pieces. 

“You don’t sound like you’re from the area.” Loki mentioned. 

“You’re one to talk,” I laughed, ” and you’re right. I’m not from around here.” 

“Where are you from originally?” Loki asked curiously. 

“Well I was born in Nebraska. Then when I was six we moved to Pennsylvania and when I was ten we went up to Maine. I spent most of my life there. Then a few years ago I…wanted to get away from all the cold and the snow. I wanted to live someplace warmer and stay in the same time zone. So I found myself here I guess.” I explained. I stumbled over the fact that I’d lost over two years in between. _That’s the last thing you need to tell him._

“Is Maine far from here?” He asked curiously. 

I laughed, “Yeah, it’s pretty far. On a good day, it’s still at least a twenty-two hour drive. I try not to make the trip very often since I refuse to fly.” 

“Why not fly? Isn’t it faster?” Loki asked. Now he was intrigued by my admission. 

“Because I’m terrified of heights and small enclosed spaces. Sure we’d be up there for what, two hours at the most? I can’t stand the thought of it. I barely like driving but it’s better than being thousands of feet in the air waiting to fall to your fiery death. No, thank you.” 

“How would you travel the world then—“ 

“I’ll put it to you this way. When I can afford to travel the world, I’ll gladly hop on a plane. I’ll even get a window seat so I can look down at all the fluffy clouds down below. Then, if I haven’t woken up from my coma dream yet, I’ll skydive down to the runway and meet you there.” I replied with a hint of sarcasm.

Loki laughed now, “You wouldn’t even consider it? If you did somehow acquire the means to travel, you mean to tell me that you wouldn’t want go to the other continents—“ 

“There isn’t enough money in the world for me to cross an ocean in one of those soaring death traps. No way in hell, am I getting on a plane for that long.” I retorted. 

“A boat then?” Loki suggested. 

I cringed, “I have a really bad track record with boats. I was on a cruise once and we got caught in a storm and the captain confined everyone to their staterooms because everything was topsy-turvy. I was sea sick and terrified and…long story short, I really have to be able to see land and if I can’t I lose my shit.” I muttered starting to feel a bit hesitant to continue confessing my prohibitive fears like this. 

I chuckled to myself, “I know what you must be thinking. ‘How do you expect to get anywhere if you won't fly or get on a boat?’ I do want to travel and see things abroad I …guess I’d just have to work my way up to it, y’know?” I answered pushing my food around for a minute. I was suddenly wishing that I hadn’t asked him to sit so that I could run from the embarrassment that I was causing myself. 

“These are rational fears to have. All I see is someone who values life. That’s not a quality I’d be quick to judge.” He replied. Loki seemed to sense my unease, which was both comforting and a little bit disconcerting. He could read me like a book and I didn’t know how to feel about that.

“If that’s how you want to look at it.” I muttered. 

“Don’t be so self-critical. I’m sure you more than make up for it in some other aspect.” Loki offered. I couldn’t think of anything that I might be good at other than overanalyzing things and worrying. I didn’t really have the time to be good at much so I avoided answering his question all together. 

“And so here we are again. First I almost hit you with my bike, and then you want mango advice on top of my complementary coffee expertise. Now this? I might have to start charging you.” I teased, daring to look up at him. 

“I think maybe you should just agree to dinner. If we are going to continue to cross paths we may as well make plans around the occasion.” Loki countered. _Say yes you idiot! Scream it from the top of your lungs if you you have to._

“Ok. Only because I can’t get rid of you.” I replied through a smile. My insides were giddy and elated but I fought to keep that from showing. 

“Do you like seafood? There’s a restaurant not too far from here that I’ve heard great reviews from.” Loki suggested. 

“I like seafood. I think I know what place you’re talking about. It’s the one with the big boat right behind it isn’t it?” I asked. 

“That’s the one. Have you not been there before?” Loki asked. 

“Nope. I guess I’ve been saving it for a special occasion.” I chuckled. _The special occasion that I could afford something on their menu._ He was talking about the pricier end of the main street here, the part where I almost never ventured. I knew my limits when it came to things like this. That restaurant was far too rich for my blood. My pride however refused to disclose that much.

“Any occasion is special if you’re in attendance.” Loki said to me. 

“I’m not kidding anymore, stop it with the nice talk. Do you want me to melt into a puddle right here? That would be pretty embarrassing for me.” I demanded. 

He laughed, “Don’t tell my your shy.” 

In my effort to avert my gaze my eyes landed on my watch. _10:45_ am. “Shit.” I gasped. I rummaged through my purse to find my wallet. 

“Is everything alright?” Loki asked me. 

“Ye—no. I was due at work fifteen minutes ago.” I said flagging down my waitress for the check and a carry out box. Of course I had to ruin this for myself. “Sorry. I’d really love to stay and shoot the breeze some more but have to run.” I said to him. 

“Not a problem.” Loki assured me. I dug through my purse and found a pen and an old receipt. I checked it to make sure it wasn’t for anything embarrassing and scribbled my number on the back. 

“Text me the rest of the details and I’ll let you know when I’m free.” I said sliding it across to him. I left the money on the table and dumped my plate into the carryout box. 

“Will do.” He replied watching me hop over the railing. 

“See you later.”

* * *

I was checking my phone every five minutes. Every time I promised myself that I wouldn’t, I did or I felt the phantom vibrating in my pocket. As eager as Loki had been to ask me out, I thought for sure that he would have text me sooner than this. It had already been three hours. At this point I was sure that I was being impatient but I couldn’t help it. 

In an attempt to keep myself from watching my phone I threw myself into stocking the shelves with the tire tubes. This only helped to distract me for a few more minutes. I was being stupid for thinking he was going to get back to me as soon as I walked away. Really how fast should I expect him to text me. _You should have gotten his number._ Of course didn’t get his number. 

**Dearest Ele,**

**First and foremost I would like to convey my appreciation for you company you this morning. Please accept my apologies for having been the cause of your tardiness and I hope that it did not earn you repremand. It was a pleasure to finally speak more than a few hurried words to you, so much so that I am eager for another opportunity. Once again, I wish to extend my invitation to you for dinner this coming week. I would consider it a privilege to share the evening with you. I look forward to receiving your correspondence.**

**Ever Yours,  
Loki**

I cringed at the formality. It was cute, in a horrifyingly awkward way. _At least he didn’t use an emoji._ “Why is he so formal?” I murmured to myself. We both knew that I was going to say yes. I'd already said yes. A customer walked behind me in the isle and I covered my phone with the papers in my lap. I pretended to be busy until the woman passed me, then I pulled my phone from under the pages to reply to his text.

 **No worries. I’m free Tuesday night. How does 8pm work for you? Let’s meet there.**

Then I waited for his response, I was too excited to even pretend to be working now. I watched my screen with eagerness. Loki should have still had his phone out, He'd sent that last text less than a minute ago. _What is taking him so long? It’s been forty-seven seconds!_

**I will make the reservations. See you then.**

If it weren’t for the fact that I was still at work I might have cheered out loud. But I was at work so I whispered my excitement. _Time to order some sexy panties online when I get home._ I bit my lip to fight the wide smile as I send back my confirmation. 

**Great! See you then.**

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I hate that it is taking me so long to get to more scenes with Loki and the meat of the plot. There are wonderful things out there in the blue yonder but getting to them is taking longer than I would like. I could just be super impatient. I have drafts completed through chapter 15 sitting and waiting for edits. So you can rest assured that there won't be a shortage of updates anytime soon. Life keeps happening and I can only manage one new chapter a week. _This frustrates me._ Anyways, the next chapter should be up soonish.


	7. Bitter Truth > Pretty Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two years before

The guards paced in their patrols, keeping visual over us prisoners. There had been many days when they’re authoritative glances had set me over the edge. The noise of their armor would grate on my patience until all traces of rationality evaded me. I had been their King and they had once pledged their allegiance to me. Now they were charged with ensuring that I remained here in this cell. I turned onto my back, opting to put those thoughts aside before the ever-present embers of rage stoked into something I couldn’t control. 

The indignity of being stripped of my throne was a blow that my pride had not easily overcome. Yet that wasn’t what occupied my thoughts the most. I would have relinquished far more than that if it meant that I wouldn’t have had a reason to grieve. It wasn’t enough to have been reduced to the King’s prisoner. No, that couldn't have been sufficient punishment. My wife wasn't given this luxury; she had suffered. Ele had been alone and afraid, calling out for me to defend her and I couldn’t. 

I climbed to my feet and began to pace the perimeter of my enclosure. Exertion of any form would be better than allowing this rotting guilt to consume me once more. It had been a few hours since these thoughts had come to me, the memory of that morning caught on an endless loop in my head. I hadn’t listened to her, even as she did all that she could to persuade me against leaving our rooms. There was no guarantee that by barricading ourselves in there, that we might have evaded this fate. Yet there was the chance that she and I could have escaped together. 

I should have listened to Ele. She had sensed the threat on the horizon. I often wondered this perception was evidence that she had possessed beginnings of foresight. It was very unlikely but so too was her very existence in Asgard. This was one more thing I would never know for certain. There was so much about her that I still had not discovered and would never discover. My jaw clenched with the final thought. I would never see her blossom into the brilliant sorceress that she would have become. Regardless of the fact that she had reached maturity, there was so much that her mortal body would have never developed without immortality.

It wasn’t impossible for Midgardians to have an aptitude of foresight, seidr, or any of the other related occurrences. However, it took time to perfect these abilities, twenty times the lifespan of her people by my estimate, not that this would have presented a problem for her. I had already seen for myself on the night of our wedding that she had great potential. She had a natural inclination for seidr. With diligent instruction, Ele could have come close to matching my abilities. Then I’d wasted her potential by letting her die.

I felt a headache starting at the base of my skull. I could no longer tell it if was from hunger or lack of sleep. I often refused the gruel that they served to the prisoners and rest evaded me most nights. Despite my suffering, I believed that had earned far worse than this for failing her. I would never admit fault for the actions I took against the throne. I did not believe that I was guilty. I saved my Kingdom from the likes of Thor’s idiotic rule, yet Ele was executed in my place for the actions that I had committed. My crime was letting Ele die in my stead, that alone was worth each and every agonizing movement of my imprisonment. 

The rest of day faded on and I watched as the bowl at the opposite side of my cell replenished every so often. Time was meaningless in this place, it was only the regularity of my meals that gave me structure. A while later I heard the heavy footfalls echoing up the corridor. At first I paid them no mind, they weren’t that unlike the pacing guards, heavy and distant. Then as the sound drew nearer I recognized the gait.

My back was against the wall and I didn’t make any moves to acknowledge Thor’s presence. I knew Mother didn’t plod along this way and Odin even strode with more grace than that oaf. Of the three, Thor was the only one that would dare come to see me. It wasn’t that mother never tried. She had, yet I was never in the entertaining mood when she make her visits. Thor came to a stop by my cell, looking in but seeing only what I allowed him to.

He would not be able to look through the incantation that I held over my chamber. I thought that didn’t care what anyone saw of my decent into madness but for whatever reason I still held fast to the slivers of my dignity. “Thor, after all this time and now you come to visit me. Why? Have you come to gloat? To mock—“

“Loki enough. No more illusion.” I hesitated to comply with him. Had he come to find some satisfaction in our role reversal? Would he glean any sort of retribution to know that his captor was now the captive? I didn’t care what his reasons were. Thor was not the type to find fulfillment in the suffering of others. I knew him well enough to know that. So I allowed my spells to rest, revealing my true state of being upon request.

“Now you see me brother.” I muttered, unmoved by the barely perceptible look of surprise in his expression. Another long span of silence followed and was growing tiered of his shameless staring. “Why have you come Thor?” I shouted. I felt my control on my temper slipping the longer he stood there watching without giving my question an answer. 

“Mother worries for your health. You have turned away your meals for more than a week—“

“And I shall do so as long as it pleases me. Do not play games with me. I know you of _all_ people couldn’t care less about what becomes of me.” I argued with a derisive chuckle. 

“You should not presume to know what I think. I’m sure it would surprise you.” Thor answered more calmly than I had anticipated. He began to move closer to where I sat. “You must eat. If not for your own sake than for mother’s.” Thor stated. I found myself laughing at his sincerity. Was this sentiment forced? Did he make a conscious effort to appear to be this concerned or was his naïveté genuine. I looked away, dismissing him before I addressed him. 

“It is not fit for consumption.” I said with growing disinterest. I would make no attempts to indulge him nor would I reveal the true reason for my fasting. It was gruel that wasn’t something I would deny but it was not why I refused to consume it. I lacked the appetite. After I would spend my days tortured with grief and the harrowing memories of her final moments of life, eating was unappealing.

For once in his life, Thor was at a loss for words. I don’t think that I could recall a time when he was had so little to say. As far back as I could remember getting him to shut his mouth had been the greater challenge. Perhaps he had thought that simply asking me would set things straight. I was never so easily persuaded. If only to spite him, I would be even less cooperative now. 

“I owe you nothing. It would be within my rights to hold a grudge with you and yet I don't. I also cannot accuse you of providing me with this—“ 

“Do not try to earn my sympathies through my stomach. I will not so easily forget whose fault it is that I am in here in the first place.” I shouted. Thor didn’t argue me. He didn’t have to. All that I needed to know I could read in his expression. He knew that it was better left unsaid. Aside from that, Thor could only compare our imprisonments to a certain point. I had not held him in my custody for as long as I had been here. I had fed him food from our kitchens, for no reason other than ease of access. Nevertheless I had not asked him to force down this lukewarm flavorless porridge three times a day. He had had an entire corridor to himself. I had shielded him from the prying eyes of passersby, prisoners or guards who constantly looked in on the fallen Prince. He could suffer his indignities in private.

“Will you not take nourishment for your sake then? It would greatly relieve—“ 

“I do not care what would put mother at ease. If she wishes to express her concerns then she ought to do so for herself. I have no interest in taking instruction from you.” I bit back sharply. 

“Have you considered the possibility that I might share in her concern?” Thor asked. 

I felt my expression fall into an irritated smile, “What reason would you have to care. Whether I chose to waste away or not should not interest you? Would it matter to you if I had been executed as well? Don’t think for a moment that I want your sympathy. I would have you dead if I had had my way. So spare yourself the trouble and abandon your thoughts for my wellbeing.” I shouted venomously. 

Thor moved closer, his expression riddled with a myriad of emotions I couldn’t quickly decipher. “Because you are my brother, even though you somehow believe that that would change after—“ 

“I’m not—“

“Loki! We were raised together, we fought together, and played together. I cannot so easily pretend that it is all invalidate now that you know the truth. You are my brother as much as you have always been.” I scoffed and turned away from him, ready to renege my attention. 

Thor continued on, I suppose in his attempt to recapture my attention before I entirely shut him out. “Neither of us is without blame for this outcome.” He mentioned.

“I suppose you’ve already served your sentence for this then? What penalties could you possibly have to pay? We are on opposite sides of this barrier after all.” I laughed even though I wasn’t a mused. 

“Father has not returned Mjolnir.” He motioned.

“I’m sorry for your loss. It must have been devastating for you to lose an inanimate object. I know you were so very enamored with her. Accept my condolences whilst I choke on my sympathy.” I muttered under my breath. My sarcasm could have almost passed for sincerity. Thor’s expression shifted as though he were piecing together some novel realization. He didn’t argue right away. 

“Loki you lead a revolution and usurped the throne. I was only ever attempting to bear the burden of Kingship with honor.”

“Thank you for that lovely summation.” I retorted. 

“I only mention this to say that the actions you took were not unprovoked, however I will not condone the measure that you and Ele chose to take against me—“

“Do not speak her name.” I hissed turning my cutting glare at him now. 

“You believe that Ele is dead don’t you?”

“Do not taunt me—“

“She lives.” Thor stated quickly. A fast and hot jolt of anger that sparked from the pit of my stomach. How did Thor have the audacity to challenge what I’d witnessed for myself? Was he trying to garner even more despair than I already suffered? Anger swam through me. Then as suddenly as I felt that anger, I wanted to believe him. The impulse to think that my Ele had not been harmed was a prospect too tantalizing for me to dismiss. It almost won me over but I resisted.

“Don’t not feed me your lies Thor! Have I not suffered enough for you? Must you continue to flaunt your victory in my face?” I shouted. I realized now that I was standing before him, my anger overcoming me and I felt the energy of my seidr thrumming throw my fingertips. I was a breath away from losing control despite the fact that it would do him no harm. This barrier sealed my seidr in with me.

“She was returned to Midgard—“

“I heard her screams Thor. I felt the life leaving her body. Are you suggesting that I fabricated that for my own amusement? I saw them carrying her away so do not insult me with your _version_ of the truth. I remember feeling her leave me.” I declared venomously. 

“And I am telling you that you are mistaken. What have I to gain by lying to you? Unlike you I don’t find pleasure in the suffering of others, not even yours despite every reason you have given me to do so.” Thor countered. My untrusting gaze never left him but Thor didn’t waver. “She still lives.”

“Why now? Why tell me this now? How can you know when you weren’t there?” I asked, my voice dripping with bitter skepticism. 

“I recently learned this myself. It isn’t something that Father or Mother speaks of. You are not the only one they have told this to. I suppose they’ve tried to purge it from the collective knowledge—“ 

“ _Her_. They’ve tried to purge **her** memory from the collective knowledge.” I corrected. 

Thor looked away conceding to my assertion, “What I know for certain is that she lives. If you accept nothing else from me, accept my word when I tell you that Ele was not executed for her part in this.” He continued. I found myself clinging to his words with hope, a hope that I hadn’t felt for a long time. Along side that, was the cautiousness that begged me not to take his word for gospel. The last thing I wanted was to cleave onto this morsel hope and allow him to bend me to his will. 

“You did not answer my question. Why tell me this now?” I continued, trying to move my attention from my thoughts. 

“We disagree on many things but you are still my brother. “ He said finally. I shook my head, stepping back from the barrier that confined me here. Did he think that this would be all it would take to satisfy me? Was he in search of forgiveness? If I were to believe him, something I was still reluctant to do, it in no way rectified the situation. Thor had always been the optimist. I suppose in his mind he thought that I would be so relieved that I would happily serve the duration my sentence, now that he had shared this knowledge with me. Had I been in a better mood I might have thanked him but I wasn’t in an agreeable mood.

“Was she simply tossed back into her realm? Cast away and left to fend for herself after she’d been torn from her home?” I asked bitterly. 

“She was returned to her home Loki—“

“No. Despite how you all wish to rewrite the past, she was my wife. _This_ was her home, just as much as it is mine. You’re telling me that the entire time that I’ve been here, she has been on Midgard suffering a fate worse than this? For the second time in her life everything has been stripped from her...and you worry for my health? She’s lived with this anguish for this long?” I demanded growing more irate with each passing second. Once again my anger began to take control of me and I was shouting.

Then Thor’s expression shifted to something akin to pity. That was something I never appreciated, “I don’t want your sympathy.” I shouted. 

“The silver lining in this is that she does not mourn. ” Thor said with some hesitation. His eyes were hiding something, now he looked uncomfortable with sharing this with me. He knew that it was not something that I wished to hear but was still determined to tell me. 

“What is that meant to imply?” I asked, cutting though his silence. I never was one for beating around the bush. If he had something else to share I wished that he would get to the point.

Thor carefully chose his words before he spoke, “She has no memory of her time here in Asgard—“

I felt his statement knock the wind out of me. For a few moments I struggled to comprehend his words, “Of me? Has she no memory of me?” I clarified.

He shook his head. “I suppose Father believed that if you thought she were dead and she had no memory of you, there would be little chance of either one of you ever seeking out the other. Both of you would have moved on before the truth came to light, if it ever surfaced at all.” Thor said after with a fair bit of hesitation. 

Now rage flowed through my veins like poison. I had accepted that she was dead. It wasn’t anything that I was pleased to have achieved and yet I had done it. It was a bitter truth that I’d _forced_ myself to swallow and it had been for naught. I had been manipulated into accepting that she was taken from me and tortured until her end while I had listened, unable to do anything to protect her. Now the wound was reopened with no hope of resolution. I was here in this cell in Asgard while she was on Midgard. She was out there in the vast expanse of the realms without me. 

If what Thor had said had been true, she could have started a new life with someone else. At present, she had already been gone for as long as I had **known** her. Many things could happen in such a short time. There was no guarantee that she would be waiting for me, certainly not if she didn’t remember any of what we once shared. She could have fallen for another man and loved him the way that she had loved me? Was there another man bringing her pleasure the way that I once did?

I don’t know why I tortured myself with these quandaries when it didn’t matter. I was locked in here and I was never going to see the light of day again. Not to mention the Bifrost, which _I_ had restored, was under surveillance and I'd never be able to use it without detection. There was no chance that I would ever be able to go after her. I don’t recall when Thor left me with my alone with distress. Between the sound of my voice echoing between these walls and the splitting wood when I destroyed the sparse furnishings in my cell, everything else that followed was a blur. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm going to post the next chapter very soon. By that I mean sometime later today or tomorrow. I paired them for a "then and now" kind of package. I didn't want to leave things on such a bitter note so a happy chapter will follow. Thanks for bearing with me for the double update. Keep an eye out for Chapter 8!


	8. Awkward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is too fitting. Of course I accidentally uploaded the wrong chapter *cringe* I blame myself for thinking 3am was a good time to update. Enjoy...

“Does my ass look good in this?” I asked turning to Kat. She was sprawled across my bed chewing on her toy. My question wasn’t enough to get her attention away from that squeaky ball. “I’ll bet you could hear me if I asked you if you wanted a treat.” I said, letting my voice get higher with excitement. Kat’s head popped up and ears turned to listen to me after I mentioned treats. _Just like I thought._ Now I ignored her and continued to get ready. I heard her hop down from my bed and sit patiently at my feet. _How do you like being ignored?_ Then she tried begging me. 

It had been a while since I’d been somewhere more upscale than the diner. That was something else for me to agonize over this evening, not that I needed another thing to stress about. I’d already talked myself out of canceling dinner three times in the last twenty minutes. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go; that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. I was nervous. It was easy to take on this ‘go for broke’ attitude the way I had the other morning when I didn’t have to deal with the consequences right then and there. With our date so far into the future, there had been enough uncertainty to give me a false sense of confidence. 

Now I knew for sure that Loki would be waiting for me. That was what made me nervous. No one was ever _this_ eager to see me. Sure there were times when guys showed interest but he was different. I tried to rationalize that he might have only been after sex. Paradoxically that was less nerve-wracking than the alternative, that he was interested in me for _me_. If he was only in it just for the sex, he was putting in some serious overtime. Maybe it was his foreign charm that made it seem like he was trying harder than he actually was. _It’s the accent for sure._ If I kept telling myself that, I might make it halfway to the restaurant before I tried to talk myself out of going again. 

Of course Loki had to pick the swankiest place on that side of town. I had no choice but to dig out something nice. All I ever wore were jeans or shorts, maybe the occasional sundress when I needed to do laundry. That wouldn’t work there, that much I knew. I’d had to go to the top of my closet for my one and only cocktail dress. Who cares if it was a winter fabric? It was the best that I had for the occasion. Thankfully, the fact that it was out of season wouldn’t be a very big problem. It was short and thin enough for me to get away with for the night. 

I'd fretted with my hair longer than necessary. With a sigh of frustration I threw down my brush, sending Kat scurrying out of my way. Then she thought it was a game so she brought my brush back to me, hoping to ear a reward for here deed. Now I was stalling and in denial. “You’ve got this.” I stared my reflection in the eye and tried to force myself to look confident. With one last turn in the mirror, I decided that it was now or never. I was as ready as I was ever going to be and the longer I drug this out the more chance there was of being late.

“Alright. I’m just going to go and get it over with.” I declared. Kat looked up at me, still in search of treats. I slipped on my heels and headed to the door. She followed close behind me, whining for me to give in to her pestering. I turned to pet her, “Wish me luck.” Kat didn't care about my luck. She only wanted her treats. After watching her sniffed my palm, I gave in. “You’re useless you know that?” Her tail wagged and she yapped eagerly. 

“Fine.” I reached on top of the refrigerator and pulled a chewy from the jar and tossed it into the bedroom for her. Kat bounded after it, giving me enough time to slip out of the door. On the way downstairs I fished out my car keys. I wasn’t about to try to walk there in these heels and I certainly couldn’t bike over wearing this dress. So I decided to park around the block from the restaurant, so no one would have to know that this ugly piece of junk belonged to me. 

My feet were already killing me from walking the half block from my car to the restaurant in these shoes. _Damn him for choosing this of **all** places._ Even though I complained it was refreshing to pull these pumps out of their dusty hideaway. I never had a reason to wear them in my day to day life and now he’d given me one. Hopefully I wouldn’t trip. That would be awkward.

When I got to the front of the restaurant I didn’t see him standing outside. Then the first thing that came to mind was how much I hoped that he hadn’t stood me up. _He’s probably inside ya’ ding-dong._ Before I went in I tried to compose myself. “You can do this.” I whispered, then took a step forward. When I got inside I noticed all of the other patrons looked like they came to places like this all the time. Their dressy outfits looked more expensive than everything in my closet combined. _Aaaand you’re going to go broke tonight. Great._

Before I got the chance to stress over that, I heard Loki call my name. I turned to him and found myself stunned into silence. My eyes took a slow tour of him. He was in a dark suite, that I swear was made just for him. He was even more handsome than usual. How was I supposed to function with this _god_ standing here and robbing me of my coherence. Somehow I managed to find my voice, “Hey! It’s good to see you.” It was a little squeakier than I would have liked but it was better than being mute.

“Likewise. You’re earlier than I expected.” He mentioned. I checked my phone quickly and realized I was more fifteen minutes early. I cringed and nodded slightly. “If I’m not early, I’m really late. I don’t know how to be on time. Why are you here already?” I asked with an uncomfortable chuckle. 

“I didn’t want to keep you waiting.” He answered. Once again, I was watching his lips as he spoke. I didn’t even comprehend the rest of what he said. I just knew that he was speaking to me. _I hope he didn’t ask you question._ When I finally got myself to focus he was walking towards the server at the desk, “I’ll go and see if they will seat us.” I took this as my chance to collect myself. He’d only just greeted me and I was already starting to loose my marbles. _This is going to be a long night._ On the bright side, I no longer wanted to ditch him here. I was glad that I had forced myself to come even though I was still super nervous. 

Loki returned to me after talking with the waitress at the front desk. “Our table is ready.” He stated, gesturing for me to follow him with our server. Then I noticed that his tie was a bit askew. Before I realized what I was doing I was straightening it. Midway through my tweaking, I froze in shock. I’d done it so casually, tightening and straightening his tie like we were on _that_ level. “Sorry.” I apologized, quickly pulling away before I did something else embarrassing. 

“Don’t apologize.” Loki said, he smiled and I was right back to drooling again. 

“Force of habit I guess. My little brother’s tie would always get messed up before his recitals and it took him forever to learn how to tie his own tie. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m preconditioned to straighten ties because of him—not that I see you as my brother…I don’t want you to be like my brother…wait…I’m just going to shut up now.” I said, mentally face-palming. _Good job. This is going great._

Loki smiled, “It was a kind gesture. There was no harm done.” Then I saw him look me over the same way I had looked at him earlier. He was undressing me with his eyes while trying not to make it obvious that that was what he was doing. “You look beautiful.” He said finally. I know I was grinning like an idiot from his complement but I couldn’t help it.

“Thanks. Now that your tie is fixed your pretty dapper yourself.” The waitress brought us to a small candle lit table. Loki pulled out my chair and I sat down. We were on the terrace and from where we were seated we had a clear view of the docks. In the distance sailboats and yachts came in to moor. After the waitress left us the menus, I turned open the cover. The moment my eyes landed on the chef’s specials for the night, I had instantaneous sticker shock. It was like I’d given myself whiplash without moving. _$40 for a salad?! What the **fuck** is so special about that salad? Did they grow the lettuce with liquid gold? _

“Do you come to places like this often?” I asked as casually as I could. _Do you have this kind of money to throw around for leaves and dressing?_

“No. It’s a special occasion, I thought I’d spare no expense.” He laughed. _Clearly._

“That is an understatement. So...tell me about yourself Loki. Who am I on a date with right now?” I asked with a hint of playful challenge in my voice. 

“I'm called Loki Laufeyson. I...work for the non-profit right behind your coffee shop in that industrial park and in my spare time I antique.” He answered. 

“You...antique?” I repeated, taken aback by the randomness of his confession. 

“Yes. I wouldn’t consider myself a true connoisseur. I just barter old trinkets to the highest bidder. What about you?” Loki asked. 

“No I’m not done with that yet. You don’t have a middle name and you _antique_? Is it fun? How do you find the things you sell?” I asked. 

“My given name is sufficient don’t you think? What would be the utility of a second name?” He asked with a slightly confused expression. 

“I guess it is. It’s just a weird to not have a middle name. Though I guess now that you put it that way, it’s weird that it is normal to have two names. I'm Eleanor Abigail—just call me Ele and I’d hate it if anyone ever called me Abby or Gail or Abigail. If your name wasn’t Loki…I’d guess that your name was Tom. You look like a Tom to me.” 

“I like the sound of Abigail. It’s graceful—“

“I’m not graceful. You should have seen me this morning. I tripped up the stairs then when I was trying to catch myself I slid down six.” I chuckled. 

“Maybe then it is a name you were meant to strive to embody. No matter the intentions of your name, it sounds beautiful and I can confirm that you do exemplify that quality.” Loki added. 

“You already got me to go out with you. You can stop trying to make me melt. I’m not about to change my mind.” 

“I’m not bored of flattering you yet. What do you do in your free time?” He asked. 

“I don’t really have a lot of free time. Sometimes I take my dog places. It’s sad I know but when I’m not working I just like to do nothing. Sometimes I binge watch different shows but I haven’t really been into much lately.” I answered. 

“What breed do you have?” Loki asked. 

“A husky. She’s like my little baby. I’m not going to be like those crazy dog owners who obsess over their animals. I will tell you that she’s wonderful, even if she’s bossy as hell. Maybe I’ll introduce you two if everything goes well.” I teased. I pulled out my phone and showed him my lock screen. Kat was my background photo. It was an old picture from when she was still half a puppy. She was still growing into her legs and ears. I always thought that awkward phases had been the cutest. 

“I’m sure she is in good hands. You seem like you care for her very much.” Loki added. 

I shrugged a little. “I do.” 

“I’ve always found a strong maternal instinct to be an attractive quality.” He stated. I felt myself shudder in surprise. I couldn’t look him in the eye after he’d said something like that.

“Ok, that’s nice.” I looked down at my fork and skimmed my fingertip across the tines. 

Silence grew between us and I didn’t know what else to say to end this uncomfortable feeling. After a few moments I glanced back up at him and the look that he was giving me was even more unsettling. This was only our first date and he was already looking at me like I was the clichéd ‘apple of his eye’. Now I worried that he was the obsessive type. If things didn’t work out and we didn’t go for another date was he going to be a pain to get rid of?

“Are you always this intense?” I asked him. Even though I was trying to look confident on the inside I was squirming. 

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” He asked. This time his tone sounded genuine with concern. 

“Yeah…a little.” I answered with a quick nod. _By that I mean a whole lot._

Loki was quiet, giving my answer some thought, “What would make you feel more at ease?”

“Just stop being so…rigid. Loosen up. I don’t know what to say to you when you stare at me like that, when you send me formal invitations via text, or when you say things about …instincts.” I stammered. Loki smiled, finding my nervous rambling entertaining.

“I will try to do as you’ve asked. I was attempting to sweep you off your feet with gentility.” He said with a smirk. 

“Thanks for that. As long as you don’t call me out of my name, I’m hard to offend. I’d consider myself pretty easy going.” I chuckled. 

“Noted. How does one ‘loosen up’? ” Loki asked. 

“By not having to ask questions like that.” I scoffed. 

“Fine. Elbows are on the table. Is that enough for you?” 

I laughed, “Damn, I said loosen up not act like an uncultured savage.” 

Things were a lot more relaxed after that. Once I’d gotten him to stop treating me like nobility, he was easier to talk to. Our conversations were lively and entertaining. When he wasn't making my face go red he was funny and shared my sense of dry humor that made most people uncomfortable. When our server came back we ordered. I tried not to look at the pictures or descriptions of the food and only at the prices. The tastiest thing on the menu was always the cheapest. I settled on the lobster bisque.

While we were waiting for our entrées, our waitress brought another basket of breadsticks for the table. I figured since I was going to go broke over cold leaves and hot lobster water, I ought to eat as many bread sticks as they would serve us. Loki splurged on a whole bottle of their best wine and I decided I’d let him cover that expense when the bill came. I don’t think my poor heart could handle knowing how much that had cost.

“Where do you see yourself in five years?” Loki asked me. 

I shrugged, “I don’t know. I try to take things one day at a time…one minute at a time. Even that’s a big ask most days. I’m still figuring myself out I guess.”

“Anyone who says that they have their lives figured out is in worse shape than you are, believe you me.” Loki stated. 

“You look like you have it figured out.” I murmured.

“Hardly! It is as you’ve said…one day at a time, one minute after the other. At the risk of becoming too intense for you…the only thing I’ve been sure of in a long time is that I’d like to know you better.” He stated. I could tell he was fighting with himself to lessen the intensity of his statement. 

It was not as heavy handed as it could have been I suppose. Though it was still forward enough to test my comfort zone. Instead of freaking me out, it was enough to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I think the most heart-warming part was that he was trying so hard to do what I had asked, even if he didn't entirely succeed. “That’s what this is isn’t it? You’re supposed to be getting to know me better.” I question through a coy smile. 

“So then answer my question Ele. Where do you see yourself in five years? No, where do you _want_ to be in that time?” He corrected.

I didn’t answer him right away, taking a moment to think before I spoke. A piece of me wanted to give him some bullshit answer and another wanted to be genuine with him. What was the point of doing all of this if I wasn’t going to allow myself to open up to him? Well, as open as I was going to be. “I want to have a cushy nine to five job where I’m not serving coffee all day. I want to own a little house out in the suburbs, maybe here in Georgia or somewhere a little farther north. Let’s see what else…two dogs and a vegetable garden. I think that would be enough.” I mused. 

“What about a companion…a boyfriend at the very least? Do you dream of being alone in this ideal future?” Loki asked. _There he goes again. Too intense!_

I shrugged feeling more uncomfortable with each passing second, “I don’t know. You asked where I wanted to be. Five years…that’s a long time. I would love to have someone to share it with but I try not to get my hopes up with unrealistic daydreams like that. It’s too sadistic.”

“How is that unrealistic? You are a strong and attractive woman. What makes you so sure that there would be no man willing to stand by your side?” Loki asked. 

I felt myself wringing my fingers beneath the table, “Where do you want to be in five years Loki?” I asked him. He shifted, taken off guard by my deflection. 

“I’m not sure. I would like to settle down and find some stability after moving around for so long. A house would be nice as well but for me it would be nothing without someone to share it with. Five years is a long time. A _lot_ can happen in five years.” He stated. His expression drifted into reverence but he reined it in before his attention had meandered too far astray.

“Why have you been moving around so much?” I asked. 

“I’ve been in search of…belonging I think is the best way to phrase it. I’m starting to think that I should just stay in place and take the time to invest in something…and someone. How did you end up here?” 

“I had to get away from home if I wanted to do something with myself. Now that I say it, it’s not very true. I’ve been here for almost two years and I haven’t really done that much. Regardless, I needed out of there. It wasn't good for me.” I answered. 

“You mentioned before that you have relocated several times in your life. Why is that?” 

“Yeah I did tell you that didn’t I? My mom met my dad in Nebraska, which was where I was born. She was there for work and he was there I guess…actually, I don’t know what the hell he doing there to be honest. He wasn’t a native to the state either. Anyway, we moved to PA after my brother was born and then they got divorced. My brother and I stayed with my mom and we moved up to Maine when she was relocated there for her job.” I answered. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be. I was seven when they split so it’s not like it’s a fresh wound or anything. They fought all the time so it was better that it ended before things got any worse. He wasn’t really that involved with us after we left, so I learned to make due without him.” I said with a shrug. 

“Did your mother remarry?” Loki asked. 

“No. She’s been with this other guy since I started high school though. They’re good for each other, but I don’t think she’ll ever marry him. Dad remarried right after we left and now he has another family. I learned not too long ago that I have three sisters and a nephew that I’ve never met. That’s life and sometimes it sucks. You just learn to suck it up and move on.” I said with a shrug. 

“You deserved better than that.” Loki mentioned, his were eyes full of sympathy. 

“It was for the best. You must have had some childhood traumas. Everyone’s parents fuck them up.” I mentioned. 

“My childhood wasn’t especially unpleasant. Most of what scarred me was partly my own doing. I didn’t learn that I was adopted until recently. I can’t say that I took that news very well.” He mentioned quietly. 

My heart sank for him, “That’s awful. Are you ok? Do you need a hug?”

He laughed, not at my concern but because I guessed that he had to in order to break the tension. “I’m fine. It was long enough ago that I am not bothered talking about it.”

“Well I still won’t ask anymore about that. Sometimes it is better to leave that stuff behind you. Forgive but don’t forget and all that jazz. You do it for your sake and not theirs. That way your heart is lighter and freer.” I said quietly. 

“Are you forgiving?” Loki asked me, his eyes were sincere. I looked away, having to shrug in uncertainty. 

“I aim to be. It’s easier said than done. It doesn’t always work but every little bit that you can manage is a victory. What about you?” I asked. 

Loki shifted and I saw that my question struck a nerve. I couldn’t tell if his anger was directed towards someone else or himself. Though I suspected it might have been a mixture of the two. “It depends. Some things shouldn’t be forgiven and some people don’t deserve it.” He stated. 

“Forgiveness is never about them. The more horrible something is, the more that anger will eat you up if you hold it in. And I guess you're right, sometimes people don’t deserve forgiveness but those folks are especially evil. I don’t think there are a lot of those people in the world. Everyone deserves a second chance, maybe not a third and certainly not a fourth. Where would you be if no one ever forgave you? Nobody is perfect.” Loki didn’t answer me, he just looked down at his food refusing to say anything more. “My my…how the tables have turned Loki. A few minutes ago you were the one with the heavy questions.” I teased, taking a sip of the wine in my glass. He didn’t say anything else and it made me feel worse.

“Now that we’ve made each other uncomfortable, I think we ought to find some neutral ground.” I said. 

“I agree.” He conceded. 

“Do you snore or object to people who snore?” I asked. 

“No to both inquiries. Do you?” He looked amused.

“I’ve never been told that I snore, though I wouldn’t know for sure because I’m occasionally asleep for that part.” I giggled so hard that I snorted at my own sarcasm. _Time to lay off the wine girl._

“Fair point. Do you prefer the left or the right side of the bed?” Loki asked, arching a brow. I felt myself blush at the thought of having to pick a side. That might have also been the wine. 

“The middle. Its my bed, I’ll lay on all of it thank you very much.” I jested. 

“Even whilst sharing it?” Loki asked. 

I shrugged, “It depends on who they are and whether or not they mind getting a knee to the kidney in the night. Ok, now for the most important question. Do you sleep with your socks on or off?” 

“Off. Any other way is sacrilegious.” 

“You’ve stolen my heart Loki.” I sighed dramatically.

I finished with what little wine was left in my glass and then pushed it aside. _Probably should have saved a few swallows for when you get the bill._ We’d been sitting here for a while after finishing our meals and I didn’t want to go home, yet I was tired of sitting here. Loki picked up on this and signaled for our waitress to come with the check. When she handed him the little folder with the receipt he kept it close to him before I could get a look. 

“What’s the damage?” I asked. 

“I invited you here, I will pay your meal.” Loki insisted. I stared at him, feeling my pride bucking at his offer. I wanted to be appreciative but it more than anything it irritated me. 

“I’d feel better if we split it.” I urged. Then he looked up at me and we shared a tense exchange. I reached for the receipt and he pulled it out my reach. 

“I would like to offer this gesture of kindness.” Loki insisted. 

“I want to split it.” I stated, my voice losing most of its softness. He wasn’t pleased but he loosened his grip on the folder so that I could pull the receipt free. Sure it was stupid to want to pay, when I knew damn well that I didn’t have much to spend. It was the principle that I objected to. I didn’t want to ever allow myself to get comfortable with people doing for me. Maybe if we were closer I could battle my pride and allow him spend money on me but we weren’t close yet. I provided for myself and I had a very hard time letting go of that. It was one of my many flaws and it wasn’t one that I saw myself overcoming tonight. 

So I kept my expression controlled as I tallied up _my_ bill in my head. If I’d been drinking, I would have choked when I came to a rough estimate. _$90 for soup and salad?! Deep breaths, you can do this. Calmly reach into your purse and take out **all** of your money._ It made me physically ill to leave the thin stack of bills on the table. All the while Loki watched me with a look of confusion and some frustration. I said nothing else before sliding the receipt back across the table to him. _And the lobster bisque wasn’t that fucking delicious._

While Loki pulled out his wallet and counted out his money, I took the salt and pepper grinders from their place near the desert menu. With as much stealth as I could manage, I tucked them into my purse. _These look expensive. They are mine. I just bought them._ I felt a little better now that I had something to show for this big expenditure. I was going to stop there, but then I noticed the beautiful silver napkin rings. _Shit those look fancy too. Two napkin rings? I need those. All together that’s got to be worth $90 right?_ I dropped the pair that had been on our napkins into my purse as well. _Those will look nice on your kitchen table. I need two more. Grab those from the table over there._

I knocked my fork off the side of the table and went to pick it up. When I did I swiped the two napkins on the table nearest us. Loki didn’t appear to notice since he was too busy double-checking his math. He put our money in the folder together and I pulled the rings off the napkins in my lap.

“Are you ready to go?” He asked, finally looking up at me. _Get me out of here before I go for the silverware._

“Yeah.” I smiled, following him out of the dinning area and into the night. “Thank you for inviting me here. I never would have come on my own but I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.” I said as we began on a leisurely stroll. 

“I’m glad to hear you enjoyed the meal. I enjoyed your company as well, not that I ever had any doubts about that.” Loki mentioned. 

“Ditto. I think you passed stage one. I don’t tell everyone that so consider yourself fortunate.” I smirked, catching a glance at him from the corner of my eye. 

“Do I have very much competition? Who do I have to challenge for your affections?” Loki asked. All I could imagine was Loki getting into some kind of over the top medieval duel with another guy over me. I laughed, surprising myself with the way it bubbled from someplace deep and genuine. 

I shrugged, choosing not to give him reason to slack. “I don’t know. If you continue to show me a good time, I don’t think you’ll have anything to worry about.” As we walked I noticed him inching ever closer to me. It wasn’t something I minded, but I knew where he was going with this. At least I knew where I wanted it to go. It had't taken long for my feet to start to throb in protest to being asked to carry me around in these heels, so I went over to the railing to look at the boats as they bobbed up and down in their watery parking spaces.

Then I felt Loki standing next to me. I wanted him to make a move. I was giving him all of the opportunity in the world. Even though I wanted him, I was still nervous for some reason. All night my confidence had come and gone. Of course I was hitting the nervous part of the cycle right now, when I needed my bravery the most. I wished that I were fearless like I had been a few minutes ago. I could be making a move on him, only now it felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest.

I turned to Loki and when my eyes met his, I couldn’t look away. Not that long ago I would have been fearful if I'd found myself next to him like. I’d have been terrified. Now I was nervous for a very different reason. He was closer than I remembered and I was only looking up at him a little bit. Thanks to my heels we were about the same height. He still had me by an inch or two. Then Loki leaned towards me, sending my mind into chaos mode. _Oh no! Does my breath smell? What if it does? What if he doesn’t like the way I kiss? I’m really out of practice. Oh no!_

At the last possible second, I turned my head aside and let his lips land on my cheek. _NO! You idiot! You ruined everything!_ I had panicked and just like that I’d ruined the moment. For what felt like ages my mind went blank with regret. Did I apologize? Could I ask for a redo? How could I begin to recover from this without making even more of a fool out of myself? I looked up at him and tried to smile and I could see he had detected my inner turmoil. “Sorry. I’ve done it again haven’t I…too intense?” He asked, putting some breathing room between us.

I nodded after a moment of hesitation, “It’s ok…really it is.” I stammered touching his arm. _Because I wanted to kiss you and I fucked it up._

“Better luck next time then?” He replied giving me another heart melting smile. Loki wasn’t at all discouraged; in fact he seemed very happy with himself. I tried to laugh it off but I still felt the overwhelming embarrassment. 

“Yeah, definitely. It’s my pick next time.” I managed to say after an uncomfortable chuckle. Loki nodded in agreement, never letting his eyes leave my face. “So…I think I should...get going. I’ve got to be up and out early tomorrow. I’ll call you soon.” I said. I was trying to escape before I did something else cringe worthy.

“Or I could call you?” Loki offered. 

“That could work.” I managed to say before he caught my hand and kissed my knuckles. 

“Good night. Text me when you get home so I know you’ve made it in safely.” He prompted. Now I was speechless, so I nodded without a word. I backed away from him and he let my fingers slide out of his grasp. 

“Good night.” I called quietly. I turned around and started walking away from him. A few paces later, I realized I was walking in the wrong direction. _Your car is back the other way. Dumbass._ I sighed knowing that I had to go past him again. I groaned, turning on the spot and heading back in his direction. _You’re doing very well._

“Did you forget something?” Loki asked arching a brow. 

“My car is back this way.” I muttered, blocking my view of him with my hand as I went past him. 

Loki chuckled now, “Good night. I hope you find your car this time.” 

Later that night after I’d gotten in, I was getting ready for bed. I complained to Kat about how I’d screwed everything up. This time she was supportive and told me to keep trying. I liked it when she earned her keep and gave me encouragement. 

After I showered, I unpacked my purse so that I wouldn’t drag a set of napkin rings to work in the morning. I was in the process of finding a place to display my new salt and pepper grinders. When I pulled them free, a few loose bills fluttered onto the kitchen table. I sighed and collected them, wondering when Loki had managed to slip those into my purse. I knew that he had done it because I’d used all of my cash.

“You just had to be a gentleman.” I grumbled. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hopefully this was happy enough to make up for the last chapter. I'm curious to know what you think. The next update will be coming your way soon.


	9. Sleepless

_6:10, you're late again._ I tried sneaking past her office without being noticed. I didn’t succeed because nothing escaped Christa. “Did you have another flat tire?” She asked me when I passed the open doorway. I could tell from her tone that she was gearing up for one of her casual yet condescending talks. That involved her talking at me, outlining all the things that I was doing wrong, while I pretended to listen. I just wanted to get to my locker and finish my shift without my blood pressure reaching dangerous levels. 

I forced myself to bring my gaze up to meet her's. Christa expected an explanation, one that she didn’t deserve, but was in my best interest to provide. The alternative was enduring her caustic attitude for the next two weeks, while fighting the urge to quit each time she did something especially aggravating. “I overslept. It won’t happen again.” I answered. That wasn’t the whole truth, not even close to it. I hadn’t slept for more than a few minutes in the last two days. _Or was it three._ After this long, my days were running into each other with no definite start or end for me to reference. Of course I managed to doze off for the first time, around four this morning. It would have been cause for celebration if I weren’t due in for work at six. I tore myself out of my long awaited slumber and staggered here.

“That’s interesting. We all get tired Eleanor and we still manage to get here on time. You’re coworkers are depending on you to pull your weight.” She told me. Her tone was patronizing per usual. _Don’t you dare mouth off._ I bit my tongue knowing that with my lack of sleep, I ran the risk of speaking my mind. That wasn’t something I could afford to do. It was only ten minutes past the hour, not twenty or even twenty-five. To Christa, I may as well have strolled in after lunch, kicked my feet up on her desk and told her to go fuck herself. _Maybe one day I can do that._

I never took time off and the last time that I had been late, aside from the one other day this week, had been five months ago. My bike tire tube had torn. It came off the rim and I could barely get the wheel to turn. Even then I was only four minutes late and she’d blown a gasket. It wasn’t like I could call AAA for my bike so I had to drag the damn thing all the way here. She saw the condition my bike had been in and still gave me shit for it. 

“I’ll stay late to make up the difference.” I offered, even though it made me nauseous to have to admit my faults.

Christa smiled as she brushed passed me in the doorway. “I know you will.” I almost tripped her for that snide comment. It was a good thing my better judgment still had control over my actions. Gritting my teeth, I continued to my locker and stowed my belongings. Just as I had suspected, her kindness did have an expiration date. The honeymoon was over and Christa was back to her old ways. Getting scalded was only redeemable for two weeks of civility. 

I could barely keep my eyes open and I’d only just gotten here. _Good thing you work in a coffee shop._ On that thought, I pulled my apron over my head and started to help with the prep for the day. I snuck in a couple sips of coffee before we opened but it wasn’t much help. It was like I was on autopilot, going through the motions without really thinking about anything that I was doing. My thoughts were scattered and unfocused. The harder I tried to put them into order the less cooperation I received.

All of this was because the night terrors were back. I’d manage to escape them for a few months and now they had returned with a vengeance. It wasn’t that I was afraid to go to sleep, it was just that when I did manage to dose off I would wake up in a panic. I’d find myself kicking and screaming without any recollection of my dreams. That didn’t make the experience any less frightening. The panic and desperation were the most vivid aspects. It was a suffocating fog that lingered long after I after I awakened.

The night after I’d been out with Loki, this started up again. At first I hoped that I would get through this bout of sleeplessness in a couple of days. In the past it never lasted for more than a few consecutive nights. Then before I knew it, I had gone more than a week without restful sleep and showed no signs of improving. Not only was I too tired to even consider interacting with him; I worried that if one thing led to another and we ended up at his place or mine, he would have a hard time finding my midnight shrieking even a little bit sexy.

That was almost irrelevant at this point. Loki probably thought that I lost interest since it had taken me so long to get back to him. Under normal circumstances, I would text him sometime in the following day. After a while I was working towards my thirty-sixth hour of consciousness and I didn’t trust myself to have any meaningful conversation on so little sleep. I wanted to reach out to him but I knew that I shouldn’t until I was back to normal. 

Before sleep had become a stranger to me, I had dreamt of Loki again. We were walking somewhere warm and sunny. He’d held my hand as we strolled on without a destination, meandering through the sprawling landscape high in the hills that overlooked the city below. Much to my dismay were hadn't been any physical intimacy but it had still been wonderful. I found myself reflecting fondly on this dream, conjuring the warmth throughout the day when I needed the boost. I wondered where we might have been going or why I might dream of such a picturesque place then I overfilled the cup for the order I’d been making. _Great._ Thankfully no one noticed. I did my best to refocus on something besides Loki. The longer the day moved along the less I could steer my thoughts away from him. 

Each time the door dinged when a customer entered, I looked up hoping to see him coming for his caffein fix. I would watch the door with an uncharacteristic eagerness. My heart flutter with anticipation every time only to be let down when it was someone else. The later it got, the more my hope began to fade. Loki hadn’t been to the store in days, so the chances of today being any different were growing slimmer by the hour. I wondered if he was avoiding me since he hadn’t heard back from me. The optimist in me wanted to believe that he would have called or text me before giving up. He had seemed too interested to let go without making a single attempt at contact.

When I took my break, I fixed myself another cup of coffee, making sure to double up on the espresso. Now that I thought about it, it was probably for the best that Loki hadn’t been here in so long. I felt like trash, I looked like a smoldering dumpster fire, and I feared the bags under my eyes were becoming permanent. I took refuge at window seat nearest the registers, so that I when I nodded off I wouldn’t be in full view of everyone in the store. Even with my coffee I was still hard to stay awake. Why was it that when I needed to be alert and functional all I wanted to do was sleep yet when I actually could lay down and go to bed my mind wouldn’t allow it? Then I saw Ryle meandered over to me from behind the counter. _Please leave me alone._ “Long night?” He asked. I half nodded. Why couldn’t Ryle take the hint and let me enjoy my quiet time? 

“You have no idea.” I muttered taking drink. Then I almost choked on the scalding mouthful I had just tried to swallow. Ryle turned away and went back to the register when another customer came through the door. _Saved by the bell?_ I was just glad that he hadn’t had the chance to comment on my wonderful performance. He was the type that would poke fun at something like that.

Now the end of my shift was closing in and I could almost taste the sweet relief of sleep. My bed was calling my name. I could hear its voice beckoning me like a beautiful siren song seducing me into its soft embrace. Twenty more minutes and I would be free. Then I was going to rush home and hope to land on something soft when I dropped from exhaustion. “Eleanor I need you to cover Alex’s shift. He’s not coming in today. You don’t mind do you? You shouldn’t.” Christa said to me in passing. 

“Could you check to see if anyone else could come in?” I stammered. _Why did I you have to go and say that?_ I don’t know what possessed me to do so. I could just chalked it up to my lack of sleep. Christa took offense, turning back to me with an expression that would be more appropriate if I had just slapped her. _Which I contemplated doing hourly._

“I asked _you_ , Eleanor. You’re here and I need you to stay to cover his shift. I can give your hours to someone who wants them.” She stated with biting indignation. Protesting further was only going to make things worse. Now I was trapped here for another seven hours. Despite the fact that I was on the verge of tears, I agreed because I sorely needed the money.

It was after sundown and I still hadn’t seen Loki today. So I accepted that I wasn’t going to. For the last few weeks he had been a fixture in my day, whether I was dodging him or ogling, I had gotten used to seeing his face. I turned to Ryle while we were cleaning the filters. “You know that tall guy with the dark hair? The one that always sits in that armchair by the window up front?” I asked. I tried to sound as casual as I could so that I wouldn’t seem _too_ interested. 

Ryle paused, having to think about it before he could give me an answer. “Vaguely, why?”

“No reason, I just haven’t seen him in a while. I covered him for a nickel the other day and he still owes me.” I lied. The last thing that I wanted was for anyone at work to know that Loki and I were talking outside of here. 

“You’re never going to see that nickel again.” He replied with a laugh. I chose not to respond, moving my attention to the next thing. Staying distracted helped pass the time. We were an hour from closing when I heard the bell at the door, only now I didn’t make an effort to see if it was Loki.I was wiping down the counters when I saw him approaching the register. My face smiled without any consent from my brain but I managed to regain control of my expression before he got too close. “Isn’t it kind of late for coffee?” 

Loki laughed, “Why do you still pretend that I come here for the coffee? I thought you and I are in agreement that this stuff is dreadful.” 

“Keep your voice down. Christa might hear you. Do you want her to murder me?” I whispered. I saw him glance behind me for my boss and I could tell from the amused smirk that he hadn’t seen her.

“Christa isn’t here.” Loki mention, that smooth voice tempting me to misbehave.

I leaned closer to keep my voice low, “Loki, she already has it in for me today. I don’t put it past her to unfix that steamer as her gift to me.”

“Then she will have me to answer to.” He stated. His tone grew sharp, suggesting that he wasn’t joking this time. 

“Oh and you’re Mr. Tough Guy right? My knight in shining armor, here to rescue me from my the wicked bitch who holds me hostage?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

“I could be your knight, your gallant prince, or whatever the situation demands.” He mentioned with a shrug. 

_There’s that stupid giddy feeling again._ “You don’t have an off button for your charm do you? It’s just a broken lever set on maximum overdrive isn’t it?” I chuckled. Ryle came back to the front of the store and I forced myself to hide my smile when he passed us. Thankfully Ryle didn’t linger behind the counter with me long before he went to sweep up in the seating area. In the brief span of silence that followed, my eyes passed over Loki. This was a fun little past time of mine now. I always liked the way that he looked, then I realized that he was drenched. His hair was not quite dry and his shirt was clinging to him like a second skin. “Why are you wet?” 

“I just showered.” Loki answered. 

“Do you not own a towel?” I asked him, my voice laced with heavy sarcasm. 

“Someone stole it.”

“Where the hell were you when this happened?” I asked skeptically. 

“The gym.”

“You poor thing. Well _if_ you find, burn it. You won’t want it back. Though I don’t think you’ll ever see it again.” I whispered holding back a laugh. 

“I suppose now is just as good a time as any to purchase a new one.” 

I nodded, “Sorry I haven’t call you…it’s been a long week and I’ve got a lot going on.” I managed to explain. 

“You were not obligated to—“ 

“But I wanted to. I really wanted to and I was worried you thought after I kind of panicked when you…y'know...that I didn’t want to see you again. So do you still want to go out sometime?” I rambled. It was a struggle to get the words to out.

Loki smiled at me with that grin that never failed to melt my heart. “Certainly.”

“How about Saturday? It’s the Fourth of July weekend, there’s a bunch of stuff going on down on the boardwalk. We won’t have any trouble finding something to get into.” I suggested. 

“I’m afraid I'm not familiar with this celebration.” Loki confessed. 

“That’s fine. I can show you. On Saturday I’ll be working over at Six Speed Bikes and Repairs. Its right next to the gas station with the Quickmart, if you know where that is. If not I can send you the address and you can find it that way. I’m there until four. You can pick me up then.” I replied, fiddling with the edge of my apron. 

“I’ll be there.” 

Christa came behind the counter and gave us a cold once over. She was clutching that damn clipboard of hers, taking note of whatever she was fixated on today. Her eyes darting back and forth between us, like she was trying to figure out what we might have been talking about. “Have you been helped, Sir?” She asked Loki, half giving me reprehensive look. 

“He was asking about the new menu items. I thought I’d explain it to him before offering the new special.” I replied calmly. I had to force myself to keep an even expression when I wanted to give her an equally venomous look. Christa didn’t look satisfied but she pretended to go about her business. She lingered behind the counter longer than was required. When my back was to her I gave Loki an overly dramatic eye roll. It was childish but it was all that I could do to express my distain for this woman. “So have you decided on what you’d like?” I asked. 

“My usual is fine.” 

“Is vanilla sweetener ok? We’re out of the vanilla almond milk until next week.” I asked, taking a cup from the stack. 

Loki smiled, “You’re the expert. I trust your judgment.”

I saw Christa look up from her clipboard to glare at us in the periphery of my vision. With that realization I further buried any of the gooey feelings that I had for him and tried to appear as emotionless as possible. The absolute last thing that I wanted was for Christa to catch wind of our growing closeness. I didn’t put it past her to try and mess this up for me in any way that she could. I started fixing his drink and only when I’d busied myself did Christa return to the back. 

After I snapped on a lid, I slid it across the counter to Loki. He glanced back at the doorway. “Is she always like that?” He asked quietly. I nodded without a word. I didn’t dare look back at the doorway to check to see if she was really gone. If I knew Christa, she was probably watching us on the security camera from her office.

“See you Saturday.” I whispered. Loki wasn't pleased that Christa had could shut me down this way. I hated it more than he ever would, yet there was nothing I could do about it. We bid our silent farewells and I watched him leave the store. I just hoped that I would be myself by Saturday. Christa’s micromanaging persisted into the final minutes of my shift. It was like she was digging in extra now that she knew how badly I wanted to go home. Every little thing that she could think to do to aggravate or keep me here longer, she tried. 

When I finally did get back to my apartment, I found a package by my mailbox. I’d almost forgotten that I’d splurged on a dozen pairs of “sexy panties”. _Maybe you’ll get to use one of them Saturday._ I tried to put those thoughts away and get my nightly chores. I took Kat for her walk and when we got back I fixed us dinner. I treated her to some of the turkey that was left over from my meal. She’d earned it for putting up with me these last few nights.

After we ate, I threw my sorry ass in the shower and let the hot water wash away the tension I carried in my shoulders. I hoped that I would get some rest tonight. It seemed promising, since I felt my stress beginning to unravel for the first time in days. When I got out of the shower and dried off, I tore open the shipping bag and started to unfurl the panties that I had ordered. The first one I opened was a teeny tiny thong. “What the hell were you thinking?” I muttered to myself. It was barely more than a single thread of knotted string. I tried it on and turned in the mirror wondering if it was worth what I’d paid. _Worth every penny._ It looked better on me than imagined. My opinion was no longer the only one that I was interested in. _Will Loki like it?_

I curtailed that line of thought before I'd ventured too far down that dark alley. Saturday was three days away. That was just two nights if I didn't count tonight. _If_ I did get Loki to come back to my place, and that was a pretty big if, was I just going to sit up until dawn and refuse to sleep? Never mind that, I had panicked when he tried to kiss me. How would I react when he whipped out his cock? Sex didn’t work without that being involved, at least it hadn’t the last time that I'd done it. I flopped back onto the bed and groaned in exasperation.

There was something else even more important to consider. I’d lived in sexless solitude for more than three years. General maintenance had always been on the as needed basis, since I had no one to impress. The more I thought about it, the more I came to accept that I had quite a bit preparatory work to do. I was already stinging from the thought of the landscaping and waxing in my future. Either way, it was stuff that I **had** to do if I ever wanted sex to even be an option. Then again it was only our second date. It wouldn’t be too outrageous if I didn’t sleep with him this time. Though something told me that I would _really_ want to. To appease the part of me that was still in denial, I decided I wouldn’t go into this thinking that sex was a given. 

All of this upkeep was a job best left until Friday. It would give me time to get more rest. Not to mention my work would be neat and fresh for our night on the town. I took off those thongs and folded them with the other things I had ordered, tucking everything in a drawer. Then I threw on an oversized t-shirt and turned off the lights. Kat hopped in bed next to me, settling down once she'd circled a few times. Soon after a wave of drowsiness eased me to asleep. Maybe seeing to Loki had been my remedy. In contrast to the insomnia that had haunted me for the last week I slept soundly, looking forward to Saturday.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I will have the next chapter up soon. In the next couple days soon. I would have had this one up last week if I hadn't accidentally deleted this chapter. :D That was so much fun. The next update shouldn't this lackluster. Fair warning, chapter ten will be a bit longer than usual. I debated splitting it into two parts but ultimately decided to keep it in one big chunk. Read it all or don't, I won't judge. Just don't tell me if you don't read the whole thing. That would make me a little sad.


	10. It Ends with a Bang!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and **smut**

“What do you think? I’m aiming for sexy but not too sexy.” I rambled in Kat’s direction. She watched me with interest even though she didn’t reply. _I guess you’re not feeling very conversational today._ “Yeah, I think this is cute too.” It comforted me to pretend she had backed me up. I gave her a quick rub behind the ears. If I was going to get to work on time I had to get going. Loki had agreed to meet me at the bike shop when I got off, so I couldn’t afford to be late. I hurried through the rest of my morning routine then said my good-byes to Kat before I left. 

After I got to work, Kevin noticed that I was more restless and distracted than usual. He didn’t pry though. He must have been in an understanding mood since it was a holiday. I’m sure there were a thousand places he would rather be on a nice day like this. As long as I got my job done he didn’t care if I was off in my own world the rest of the time. Kevin was more human than Christa in that respect. 

Business was slower than usual because of all the festivities in the area. There was less to do and I was stuck in here trying to stay occupied. _It still beats being at the Coffee House._ After we’d been here for a couple hours without a single customer, Kevin found me in the stock room. I was unpacking the new shipment of helmets. They needed sensors before we could stock them on the shelves. “I’m going to close the store early today. Nobody is coming in so why bother.”

I did my best to not get too excited. “Alright. Do you need any help with that?”

“No, don’t worry about it. Go out and enjoy yourself. I’d hate to keep you from anything important. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this…cheerful. Whoever he is, he’d better be good to you. If he isn't, you send him my way.” Kevin motioned, cracking his knuckles for dramatic effect. 

I felt my face flush in embarrassment. Even though I’d only been interacting Loki for a couple weeks, I had noticed a change in myself. I spent more of my time thinking of him and less time in my personal hell. I had wondered if anyone else saw this minute shift as well. I couldn’t stop my nervous laughter when I agreed, “I’ll let him know.”

“I’ll clock you out for your normal time this afternoon.” Kevin stated from the doorway. 

“Thanks. When I finish up with this then be on my way.” I told him. He nodded then went back into the storefront. As soon as he was gone I pulled out my phone and went to text Loki. I wasn’t about to have him meet me here in a couple hours if I was getting off now. Maybe if he wasn’t busy we could get together earlier.

 **Change of plans. I’m getting off in a few minutes. Where/when do you want to meet instead?**

I had enough time to everything away before he got back to me. 

**We could meet now if you prefer?**

_I do prefer._ Did Loki really think that I could object to spending more time with him? Maybe before I would have been hesitant. These days, I was willing do almost anything to spend even a few minutes with him. 

**That’d be great. I’ll be waiting out front.**

After I sent my reply, I gathered my things and let Kevin know that I was leaving. When I got outside I took a seat on the bench at the front of the store. Thankfully it was still early in the day so my spot was in the shade of the building. While I waited, my idle mind started overthink the next few hours. I had managed to get a full night of sleep last night, a small yet nerve-wracking victory. 

Instead of dreading another sleepless night I tried to be optimistic and hope that I would be sleepless for another, more erotic reason. Even that proved to be too evocative for me to focus on. So instead of thinking, I distracted myself with my phone for a little while. _You should run over to the gas station and grab a few essentials for tonight. Just in case._ I had no idea where Loki was coming from, not to mention I was the one who had suddenly changed plans. It wouldn’t be too unreasonable if he kept me waiting for a few minutes. _You might have time to run over there._

“Ele.” I looked up when I heard Loki approach me. 

“That was fast. Were you around the block or something?” I muttered in astonishment.

“I was in the area. How are you?” Loki asked. His unwavering focus could be very unnerving, though I’d grown to like it. Even when he asked mundane questions like this, no one had ever made me feel so important. I smiled feeling the giddiness building in me. 

I stood so that I wouldn’t have to crane my neck to look up at him since Loki was already so much taller than me. “I’m good. You? You look good.”

“I can’t complain. Now that you’re by my side I _can_ say that I’m doing much better today.” Loki answered. 

With an amused sigh, I led him away from the shop. “Now you’re just being dramatic. I’m glad I have that effect on you. We didn’t make plans for more than this evening, so what do you feel like doing?” I asked turning to him. I realized that he hadn’t kept pace with me. Loki looked displeased by my dismissiveness.

“You should not have to wonder how I feel for you. That would be a waste of your time and a failure on my behalf. As for this afternoon, I am at your mercy. I know nothing about this celebration.” Loki stated, catching up with me once he’d gotten that off his chest. 

For a moment I was stunned, trying to absorb what he’d just said. _How can you say heavy things like that then skim over them like it never happened?_ I was starting to wonder if he was this intense because he’d lost someone. Was it a break up or divorce? Did they think he had been emotionally distant? Was that why he felt that he needed to be so upfront with me? How recent was it? All that I was able to conclude of with any confidence, was that he was trying very hard to be open with his feelings and I had a hunch that said openness didn’t come naturally to him. Despite my uncertainty, I still found myself sympathizing with him, which was strange because empathy had become something that was outside of _my nature_.

“There isn’t much you have to know about today. Independence day, the nations birthday, and the only day of the year we say the date in the day-month-year format. Most people grill up a ton of food and then invite friends and family over to have a good time. Then after it get’s dark there are fireworks.” I explained. 

Loki looked me with a perplexed stare, “Fireworks?”

“Yeah…fireworks. You know the things you light and they go off up in the sky? Do you call them something different?” I asked. Loki still didn’t have any idea what I was talking about. “How do you not know what fireworks are?” 

Loki shrugged, waiting for me to give an explanation. “Well…they’re basically beautiful explosions. Who doesn’t love to watch all those colors bursting in the sky? If you really don’t know what fireworks are then we are _definitely_ staying for the show tonight.” I said with a smile. 

“Explosions? Isn’t that dangerous?” Loki asked. He still didn’t look too convinced. 

His skepticism was as cute as it was amusing. “If you light one in your hand then yes. That would be insanely dangerous and equally stupid. You’d also loose a few fingers in the process no doubt. As long as you’re not an idiot, you should be fine. The fireworks we’re going to see tonight are the big ones. Those are done by the pros. They have them out on a barge on the water. I could be wrong, but I think they light them from a distance. It’s unusual for spectating to be dangerous.” I answered. He accepted that answer and appeared to dismiss the rest of his concern. 

I felt his hand slip into mine while we walked. Neither of us acknowledged it, I simply let it happen. Then a few paces later, I interlocked my fingers with his. My hand fit delicately in his grasp and that contact was enough to bridge that brief silence. “How often do you work at this place?”

“Only on the weekends. I go to Christa’s during the week. Sometimes if Kevin is short staffed or can afford to give me some weekday hours I’ll show my face here. Most of the time he has more people than he knows what to do with—I just had an idea! We could go biking through the Cedar Trails. It’s twelve miles one way, not that I’d try to do a round trip in a single day. I’ve always wanted to go only I didn’t want to go alone in case of accidents or something.” I exclaimed, turning to Loki. It was only after I’d blurted all that with such excitement that I realized I’d basically planned and invited him out for another date. _You’re getting **way** ahead of yourself._

I cringed; wishing that I could recall my words and make it so that I’d never said them. Loki smiled back at me, easily reading my discomfort. “I can’t think of a reason I wouldn’t want to join you. Where does this trail lead?” He asked. 

I shrugged, “I’m not sure. I know a lot of it goes through town and then somewhere else out in the sticks. I could have looked it up, but I wanted there to be some surprise in it for me when I finally did go.” 

“It sounds like an enjoyable excursion.” Loki added. _Disaster averted._ I tried to laugh off my awkwardness. Soon we came to the start of the boardwalk and it was busy already. People of all ages roamed around, decked out in their festive hats, toting flags and what not. It was a good thing we were already holding hands so that when we ventured into the crowds we didn’t get separated. 

“They have the fair here every year. There are midway games, eating contests, fair food, you name it, it’s here. Where do you want to start?” I asked turning to him. 

“You tell me.” Loki stated. 

“Alright.” I pulled Loki towards the midway. We passed by the really silly games that were outright gimmicks. Then when my eyes landed on the stuffed otter on the top prize shelf, I stopped midstride and Loki almost walked into me. I didn’t care what the game was; all I knew was that I wanted that adorable plushy. In my mind, I already had a place picked out for it in my home. It would have to go on the shelf in the living room to keep it out of Kat’s reach. Now that I was attached to it, I _needed_ that otter.

“Three dollars a round. Pop eight of the balloons before the clock hit zero and you get your pick of the prizes.” The man running this game told us. I looked at Loki and tested out my puppy dog eyes. Loki seemed immune to my antics. Still, he reached for his wallet anyway and paid for a turn. 

“I want the otter.” I told Loki. The booth operator placed a hand full of knifelike wooden pegs in front of us. I watched Loki inspect them. He ran his thumb over the outer edge. Once Loki seemed satisfied with whatever he had been searching for, he gathered a few of them in his hand. The man started the timer at sixty seconds. When the countdown started, Loki casually flung them at the targets. 

Each of the pegs pierced their designated balloon in rapid succession. For a split second they appeared to shimmer, like the shinning silver blades of real knives instead than dull wooden stand-ins, though I was sure that last part was my imagination. He never missed a balloon and when the timer reached thirty seconds, he just looked at me with a satisfied expression. _Well don’t look too impressed._

The guy gave me the otter off of the top shelf, all the while I never took my eyes off of Loki. I was expecting a bit of peacocking and to some extent it was my intention to incite it. However, Loki was altogether unfazed by any of this. He looked like it was nothing out of the ordinary. Loki took my hand again and led me away from the counter.

“That was awesome. Any more unusual skills you plan on nonchalantly be a fucking pro at?” I asked, tucking my otter under my arm for safekeeping. 

“I wouldn’t consider that an unusual skill.” Loki stated.

“You _wouldn’t_? I would. Where’d you learn to do that?” I asked curiously.

Loki chose his words carefully before answering me, “I think you would say that I had an unconventional upbringing. That is one of the few skills I developed an affinity for.”

“How unconventional are we talking? Were you raised in a tent by a couple of free spirits or something? No judgment if you were. One of my closest from friends in college grew up as a devout nudists. It would take a lot to surprise me nowadays.” I chuckled

“No. My upbringing was unlike either of those situations.” Loki muttered. I didn’t have to know him all that well to recognize the way that he tensed when I asked about his formative years. So I didn’t to ask any more about it. For the most part, silence settled between us as we strolled. Loki seemed content to take in the sights and ask the occasional question when something confounded him. After a while, I knew that I couldn’t just let the conversation dry up this early in our outing. I decided to take another approach. 

“Are you hungry?” I asked turning to him. _Everyone loves food._

“I could eat.” 

“Ever tried funnel cake?” I asked. Loki shook his head, “Cotton Candy!? Lemonade?” Again he indicated that he hadn’t, watching me with a perplexed expression. I was as shocked as he was confused, “We’re going to fix this.”

“What is a funnel cake—“ 

“You’ll see.” I giggled, leading us towards the concession stand. I ordered a funnel cake and lemonade for each of us. Once again Loki paid before I could get into my wallet or argue with him. He knew what he’d done and he was proud of it. All that I could do was glare at him with mild disapproval. “Go sit at the table over there. I don’t want you sneaking a peak at anything.” I instructed while giving him our drinks. Loki did as I asked, claiming a table with an umbrella for shade. While I waited, I gathered some toppings on a plate. I didn’t know what he might like, so I got a sampling of everything. Fruit, jam, some whipped cream, and even chocolate syrup. 

When my order came up in the window. I put a napkin over the funnel cake and stacked my ‘platter-o-toppings’ on it. Loki looked up at me with a hilariously skeptical expression when I came closer to the table. “Don’t look at me like that—“

Loki took the plates from me so that I wouldn’t drop anything. “What is all this?” He asked, placing them both on the table while I settled into the seat beside him. Then I dramatically lifted the napkin and confectionary sugar plumed into the air, adding dramatic effect. “What is that?” 

“Fried dough and powdered sugar, my personal favorite.” I said tearing off a piece. It was still hot so I had to quickly pop it in my mouth. Loki didn’t seem very optimistic but gave in and tried a piece. “Good isn’t it?” I asked when I noticed the hint of delight in his eyes. 

“Quite good.” He answered, fending me off with his fork. 

“Wow. You’re not even going to share—“ 

“Stay to your half. ” He laughed. 

“Fine Mr. Bossy.” I jested.

Loki liked some of the toppings. I found that I most enjoyed watching him taste the different flavors. I especially liked the way he’d frown when he came across something didn’t like. Eventually he went to get a burger and brought one back for me even though I implored him not to. After we ate, we meandered around to the games and played a few more. This time I won Loki a tiny rubber duck with sunglasses at the ring toss. _I don’t have enough skill to get top shelf prizes._

As the afternoon carried on, I found myself watching his every move. His posture would relax when I was next to him. There was a happy gleam in his eyes when his hand was in mine. Being near him igniting a need in me that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. When he would touch me, it made the place between my legs clench until I wished that he would touch me _there_. I didn’t care that we were in public or that everyone would see us, I wanted him that desperately.

Somehow I managed to keep my wily lust at bay. Loki was a perfect gentleman, which made it even harder for me. Aside from holding my hand, he never sought more than I initiated, even though I craved more than this innocent contact. The later into the evening it got the harder it was for me to look at him without adding to the gnawing arousal. It was an ache that grew tighter and more sensitive the longer I was denied stimulation.

Now that the sun had set, the pier was getting more crowded. It was close to time for the fireworks to begin. Loki and I had been browsing the boardwalk for the last hour or so. We perused the little shops that weren’t really a part of the festivities, sharing some cotton candy as we went. At present, Loki was fascinated with the hermit crabs. I suggested that we head back to the pier before all the good spots were taken so we made our way over in that direction. 

“That should be a good vantage point if we can get to it before someone else does.” Loki told me. He gestured to the place before guiding me through the crowd. I tightened my hand around his as we moved through the denser groups of people. When we came to the spot he was talking about, I climbed up onto the railing, using Loki for balance. 

“You’re right. It is a great view from up here.” I added. I carefully sat down on the narrow plank of wood. My legs dangled over the waves and when I looked down I saw the giant white rocks below me. I wasn’t worried about a fall. It wouldn’t be fun experience but with my fast healing I was sure that I’d survive. However, the way that his arms slipped protectively around my middle, I gathered that he concerned for me.

“I hadn’t meant for you to put yourself in peril.” He murmured disapprovingly. 

“Peril? I’ll be fine as long as you don’t let go.” I answered settling into my place. I felt Loki step closer behind me. Now my back was flush against his front with I felt his hands rest a respectful distance from my lap. “You don’t take risks much do you?” I asked.

“Not where you are concerned.” Loki held me tighter. The way we fit together seemed like second nature. I let him hold me this was while we waited for the show to start. The darkness of the water met the horizon and the two seemed to join in an endless expanse before us. Then I saw the first of the fireworks whizzing into the air where it burst high above us. One after another, flares or red banged and fizzed in great flashes overhead. White, green, pink and orange lit the night sky with color. 

Loki’s fingers spread against my stomach, as if he were testing my acceptance of more contact. I put my hands over his, pressing his palms against me. I enjoyed the feeling of being surrounded by him. His chin fit into the turn of my shoulder. I could smell him, the scent of his aftershave and his natural essence mingling in one delicious aroma. This was better than any of my dreams because he wasn’t just a figment of my imagination anymore. He was right here with me. He was real.

Loki had been all that I could think about and that wasn’t something I wanted to change. He made me feel things that I could scarcely remember feeling for a man. “You were right. It is beautiful.” Loki conceded. I turned my head to the side to retort something sarcastic and when my eyes met his. Our faces were only breaths apart. I don’t know if Loki could feel my heart pounding with exhilaration but I could feel his.

Neither of us broke the silence as another red burst lit the sky. The color washed over his pale features, illuminating his eyes and he leaned towards me careful and unhurried. This time when he went to kiss me I wasn’t panicked; I was relieved. Our lips met and then there weren’t just fireworks above us, there were bursts of fire and passion in my body when I took his kiss. His lips were gentle and hesitant, testing me for greater reception. I reciprocated with enthusiasm, desperate to have him know that I wanted this. I had needed this for so long. 

Loki pulled back breaking the kiss. It had been brief yet in my head it could have lasted a thousand years and I wouldn’t have known the difference. I saw his eyes searching mine for something, for what I didn't know. More importantly, I didn’t care. I reached up and cupped his cheek, bringing him closer to kiss me again. This time he wasn’t so careful. He tasted me with equal parts hunger and passion, so much so that I had a hard time match his ferocity. 

I curled my fingers in his hair to bring him closer. Soon even this wasn’t enough. I ached for him to do anything at all to relieve this bottled lust. I wanted him all over me, to have his skin against mine. Everything around us faded into the background, all the people, the waves crashing against the rocks beneath me, even the pyrotechnics screaming above us. For me, there was only Loki. I had to remind myself that we were in public with tons of people all around us. None of them seemed to notice us or they pretended not to. For the first time in a long time I felt whole, even if I was crippled with desire. 

When I pulled away, Loki rested his forehead against my temple. His breath fluttering against my cheek. It tickled enough to make me smile, though that wasn’t the only reason I had to grin. The fireworks were unimpressive compared to this feeling. _Get him home **now**. Try not to make a fool of yourself in the process._

I hadn’t been with a man for as long as I could remember, therefore I was long overdue for a good lay. Not to mention all the work I’d put in just for the occasion. I knew I would want to have sex with him, though I had no idea how desperate I would become. Damn all the other reservations or excuses I’d made over last few days. I wanted him. _What do you have to lose?_

I let him hold me for the rest of the show; all the while I wracked my brain for ways that I might casually invite him back to my place. The last thing I wanted to do was reveal how frantic I was to get him out of his pants. Once the last of the fireworks went off, the crowd around us cheered. I was nervous and excited, more nervous than excited to be specific. Loki helped me down from the railing and kept some part of him touching me as we made out way out of the hoard of spectators. Whether it was a hand against the small of my back or his fingers woven in mine, I knew that he was there. 

“Would you allow me to escort you home?” He asked once we were outside of the swarm of people. 

I felt myself grinning so I nodded, “Yeah. That would be nice.” _Apparently he has the same idea. This could go well._ I was glad that he’d saved me from making the first move. Even after all my ‘brain-wracking,’ I hadn’t quite figured out what to say. I was sure to have screwed it up had I been forced to take a leap. I showed Loki the way back towards my building. Soon the crowds thinned until we walked alone on the darkened streets. Despite what I feared it didn’t turn awkward now that we away from the excitement. In fact I liked it better when it was just the two of us. That wasn’t something I’d experienced a lot of up until now.

“I told you you’d love cotton candy.” I replied. 

“You have a demanding sweet tooth don’t you?” Loki asked. 

I laughed, “Not really. Only for certain treats. You can’t get cotton candy all the time.” 

“Tell me, why is it that you go by Eleanor when you are at the Coffee House? Does no one other myself call you Ele?” Loki asked. 

I shook my head, “I used to let everyone call me Ele. When I moved down here it was supposed to be a new start for me. I wanted something a little more serious. I was trying to overhaul everything about myself for all the wrong reasons. There really isn’t much I can do about it now, everyone here knows me as Eleanor.” I answered. 

I could already tell what his next question was going to be. “Would you rather I called you Eleanor as well?” Loki inquired.

Before he could finish asking his question I was shaking my head. “No, you can still call me Ele. People I dislike call me Eleanor. I’d hate to get that mixed up.” I chuckled.

Loki pulled me closer to his side, “I am pleased to hear that. When should I be prepared for this bike trail?” 

“If the weather holds out next weekend might work?” I said after a moment of thought. We were coming up to my building. _Ele think. Get him upstairs. Do something before he leaves! Don’t fuck this up!_

Loki nodded, “Then I look forward to it.” 

He walked me to the door, following me up the few steps. I felt the panic creep in as my window of opportunity grew narrower. “Do you want to come up for a drink or something?” I managed to ask. _I’m more interested in the **’or something’**._ I turned back to him and watched wide a smile flash to his face.

“Only if it would not be an imposition.” Loki mentioned.

“No, not at all. I mean it’s better than drinking alone like I usually do…I swear I didn’t mean for that to sound quasi-alcoholic. Most times I just like to have a drink and it so happens that I’m home alone…because I live alone.” I rambled unlocking the door. _Just shut up._

Loki followed close behind me, “I understand what you meant.” He assured. _Though most times I really am that pathetic._

“Oh! I told you I have a dog.” I said, stopping in the stairwell. He waited for me to explain, “She’s really friendly and loves people so don’t freak out if she jumps on you. You don’t have any allergies do you? She sheds _a lot_.” I explained. 

“None that I’m aware of.” Loki replied continuing up the stairs. I felt some relief then hurried ahead of him to lead the way. We came to my door and I stopped him before I turned the knob. “Last chance.” I warned him. 

“It’s not a problem.” Loki answered giving an amused smile. 

“Ok. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I chuckled turning the key in the knob. I heard Kat race towards the door howling as she came clumsily rounded the corner. I only had enough time to flick on the light before she was jumping on my legs and licking my hands. “I said I was coming home late silly girl.” I knelt down to scratch behind her ears. “There’s someone I want you to meet—“ When Kat saw Loki and whipped around in front of me, growling at him. It was a vicious growl, the kind that I’d only seen her do one other time in her entire life. “Hey! We don’t attack him.” I shouted at her. 

“Have I done something?” Loki asked me. He watched Kat with a wary eye, keeping a generous distance.

“I don’t think so. She’s never like this. Kat is a sweetheart.” I said grabbing her collar in an attempt to break her intense focus on Loki. She seemed to settle down, keeping her eyes fixed on him. Kat made it clear that she was not pleased with his presence in our home. “Try talking her. That might help. She’s not a biter.” I said to him with a reticent look. Loki glanced back at me, not convinced that it would make a difference. “Kat be nice.” I said softly. When I pet her I noticed how tense she was. 

“Cat?” Loki asked looking at me with half judgmental tinge to his expression.

“No, Kat. Her name is Katrina but I got sick of yelling Katrina every time she got into something. Long story short, it’s her name and she picked it.” I explained with an uncomfortable laugh. _Who the hell names their dog Kat? No one that should ever be taken seriously, that’s for sure._

“She’s just as strong willed as you are.” Loki murmured. When he took a step closer to us Kat lunged at him. Snarling and snapping her jaws, she left to bite whatever part of him she could sink her teeth into. On instinct, I put myself between them. I had just enough time to grab her scruff to keep her from getting to him. Our brief scuffle ended with Kat pinned to the floor. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I shouted at her. Kat whined in submission, rolling over to show me her belly. “Don’t give me that. I like him so don’t fucking attack him.” I shouted scolding her. 

I dragged Kat to the balcony to secure her leash to the railing. Then I closed the door and looked down at her through the glass. Kat looked back at me as though _I_ had betrayed her. “Does that happen often?” Loki asked me. 

I shook my head, “No. She’s never done that before. I told you she’s a sweetheart…she loves everybody. I think it’s just going to take some time for the two of you to get to know each other. Believe me, I going to have some stern words with that girl later.” I chuckled in embarrassment. Kat and I stared at each until turned turned my back and went into the kitchen to wash my hands. _Of course the first time you bring a guy home your dog tries to kill him._ Loki followed me into my narrow kitchen and leaned against the counter in observation.

He stood there passively, taking in his surroundings before he spoke again. “You have a nice home.” 

“You’re a great liar. It’s a dump, you don’t have to be nice about it.” I chuckled.

“No it isn’t. Yes it’s modest, but it is very well kept. I like it.” He insisted. Instead of arguing him, I looked into the freezer for the scotch. 

“That’s because I’m barely ever here to mess it up. Thank you for the undeserved complement.”

“You would consider any complement undeserved.” 

“That’s not true. I like it when you tell me I’m stubborn. Who wouldn’t like that?” I countered sarcastically. 

Loki chuckled then glanced into dining area. I’d set my table with the things I swiped from the restaurant. “I wondered how large of a set you intended to acquire that night.” _Play it cool. Don’t admit to anything!_

“What are you talking about?” I asked, giving him an innocent look. 

Loki picked up one of the napkins I’d adorned with the stolen decorative rings. He wore an amused yet knowing smile. “Did you think I hadn’t seen you collecting these? They look better here.” 

I shrugged, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve always had those. They were a bargain.” Loki accepted that I wasn’t about to confess to my thievery so he let the issue drop, not without getting in a laugh.

I reached into the cabinet to get a pair of glasses. When I turned around he was so close to me, so close that I had to step back and I found myself backed up to the countertop. I looked down at the glass in my hands, tripping over my own thoughts as I tried to decide what I should say or if I should say anything at all. Loki put his hand over mine to gently take the cup from my grasp.

I looked up at him towering over. I could feel my heart beating between my legs, throbbing with the arousal I’d been fighting all night. Neither of us spoke as we stood there in that heavy silence. Then Loki tipped my chin up to take his kiss and in that very instant, I knew I would give myself to him tonight. My wrist slacked and I let go of the glass. Loki had a better grasp on it than I did, otherwise it would have shattered on the floor. 

Now I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to feel him touching me. I wanted to taste him. All of which Loki took in stride, deepening our kiss until I gave way to his demand. His tongue teased my lips for entrance. I put my arms came around his shoulders to level with him, holding onto his body as if my life depended on it. When he kissed me he no longer restrained himself, all of his caution from before had disappeared. Loki pressed closer to me and I felt him lift me onto the edge of the counter. I parted my legs for him so that he could hold me to his body as we intimately acquainted ourselves. 

He pulling my front against his, grinding his hips against mine to slowly mimic what I wanted our bodies to do sans cloths. The longer we went like this the more frenzied I felt, the more desperate I was for him to take me. Loki kissed down my throat sucking the tender skin until I felt him mark me. His hand reaching under my shirt to gather the loose fabric and bring it over my head then cast it aside. Loki kissed my throat again, moving downward to my chest. One hand cupped one breast as he kissed the other. He put his face in my cleavage, before he returning to lips. 

I tightened my legs around his waist when I felt him unfasten my bra. It fall between us and I watching his expression brighten now that I was exposed to him. “Loki my bed is back there.” I murmured once I found my voice. He lifted my from the counter and carried me the few steps from the kitchen to my bedroom. Then he dropped me back onto the mattress before pulling me towards the edge. Loki hooked his fingers at the waist of my shorts. He undid the button and pried open the front of my shorts. After he got them off of me, Loki stopped to admire in the dim light, given our only source was what spilled through the doorway from the kitchen. _Damn I’m glad I wore my sexy panties for this._

He pressed his lips against my stomach, venturing lower until he parted my legs. Even in the darkness I saw the shimmer in his green eyes, the shimmer that betrayed his excitement to finally have me in this position. Loki continued lower, only to tease me with delicate pecks along my inner thighs. I sighed half in anticipation but also impatience. After so long without being touched like this I couldn’t handle this sort of tantalizing. Loki focused his attention on the covered valley between my thighs. I felt the warmth of his mouth over the fabric when he kissed me there. I couldn’t tell anymore whose wetness dampened the bit of cloth. 

Loki lingered there for far longer than I could stand, licking and nipping at my fleshy parts over my panties. I clenched my fists in his hair in frustration. In response, he moved higher so that I could kiss him again. I tried of his lips, the feel or taste of him. Loki was leaning over me so I took advantage of his unstable stance and pushed him off balance. When he landed on the bed beside me I straddled him. 

I undid his belt, pulling the leather strap through the buckle then undid his zipper. Loki shimmied out of his pants and when he did I saw the tightening fabric of his boxers where his cock strained for freedom. I pushed his shirt up so that I could tug it over his head. Loki didn’t let me pin him down for much longer. He flipped me onto my back, moving us higher on the bed in the process.

I felt his erection against my womanhood through our undergarments. Now all that separated us was a few scraps of fabric. I wanted him inside of me so badly but at the same time I recognized my anxiousness creeping up again. _How experienced did he think I was? Hopefully not too experienced. **Am I a pro?**_ I had no idea what I’d gotten up in the time that I’d lost. I hoped that I had more experience than I was aware of. I did my best to fight my nerves as I looked up at him, “Loki I don’t usually do this kind of thing.” I murmured between his hungry kisses. 

“That’s alright.” Loki breathed lowering his head to pull my nipple into his mouth earning a moan from me. That was more than enough to distract me. I tightened my legs around his waist by reflex. He was making it hard for me to focus. 

“Loki, I’m serious. It’s been a while since I’ve been intimate with anyone.” 

Loki relented, shifting so he was facing me. “How long is a while?” His expression was genuine and curious, nowhere near as skeptical as I feared. 

“Three maybe four years I think? I’m really trying to lower your expectations here.” I whispered through a nervous laugh. I couldn’t say with any amount of confidence that I hadn’t once had sex in the two years that I was gone, so I left my estimates with what I could prove. _Like three and a half years isn’t bad enough._

None of what I’d said put him off. Loki smiled harder kissing me again with more passion, “There is no need for that. Were you saving yourself for anyone in particular?”

“No, it was by circumstance not choice. I haven’t been attracted to anyone enough to want him putting his parts in me.” I whispered reaching between us to caress his contours. I pushed the waistband of his boxers down and peered between us at the broad head of his cock. _I really want you to put yours in me though._ I touched him, wrapping my fingers around his thickness. Loki pulled my hand away, then began to take off the lacy panties. After I heard them when they hit the floor. Loki positioned himself between my leg and I felt his manhood pressing against my slippery folds. That feeling alone robbed me of my breath. _This is actually going to happen._

Loki looked down at me as he pressed in slow and filled my body with his, thrusting slow and sure until he was all the way in me. It felt so fucking good to have him inside me, to be so full of him. When he looked at me, his eyes were full of adoration. It was as if I was the most precious creature on the face of the earth to him. While he thrust into me, I let my hands explore him. I feeling the way lean frame moved over me. Then bliss was interrupted by cold sobering fear shot through me like ice water. _You’re not on birth control you **moron**. How could you forget something as basic as a condom?_

“Loki stop.” I gasped. 

He stilled, watching me with concern and a bit of confusion. “Have I hurt you?” 

“No. Loki please just _stop._ Do you have a condom?” I asked feeling my heart pounding hard in my chest. The bewildered look on his face told me that he didn’t. I sighed, letting my head drop back against the pillow, “Fuck.” I had intended to run over to the gas station before Loki picked me up this afternoon. With the changes in plans and everything thereafter, I’d forgotten. I pushed him away from me.

“Ele, what’s the problem?” Loki asked. He watched as I rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom to riffled through the drawers. _I only need one dammit! Please be here somewhere!_ I could have cried in of frustration.

“I totally forgot that I’m not on the pill anymore. I usually am but I haven’t been for the last year. You don’t have any condoms on you do you?” I called to him. Now I desperately searched my medicine cabinet. _**Kitchen. Drawer.**_ When the realization hit me I jogged back into the kitchen. When I opened the drawer, the sight of one lone shiny packet almost brought tears to my eyes. I hurried back crawl in bed, then offered it to him. Loki looked at it then me still very confused. “Is there something wrong with it?”

“What is it?” He countered. Now it was my turn to look at him with utter bewilderment. 

“You’re joking right?” I muttered. 

“Ele, what is that?” He insisted, growing shorter tempered the longer I failed to answer his questions. Instead of wasting any more time on explanations, I tore open the wrapper. Loki looked down in abject horror as I put it on for him. I wasn’t interested in giving him ‘the talk’ right now. I theorized that if I was going to catch something from the guy who didn’t know what a condom was, I’d already gotten it. _I just preferred not to catch that life altering nine-month condition. I hear that can stay with you for life._ “Am I expected to wear this every time that we’re intimate?” Loki asked. The look on his face would have been more appropriate if I'd just kicked a puppy.

“We haven’t finished doing it _one time._ And yes, you are. Where on earth are you from that you’ve never seen a condom before?” I asked pulling him closer to kiss me. Not wanting to answer my near rhetorical question, Loki reclaimed his position atop me. I guess he didn’t care about this anymore so long as it didn't keep him from penetrating me. 

I shimmied below him, feeling his knee spreading my legs wider apart. This time there was only pleasure when he filled me. I held onto his shoulders when he began to slide into me. A little moan slipped from me when his jolting thrusts jarred my body. I loved how Loki reacted to the little sounds I made, adjusting his movements to earn even more of them. I rolled my hips against him needing more friction, to take him deeper in whatever way I could. 

Then Loki did something even better. He maneuvered me so that my thighs were touching my side and kept them there by hooking the backs of my knees over his arms. With my legs spread wider he thrust deeper into me, filling every inch I had to be invaded. I had no choice but to brace myself as he thrust harder into me, the impacts took my breath each time our bodies collided. Loki would kiss me every so often to bring my gaze back to his. I was too lost in the delicious sensations to focus in any one direction. All that I could concentrate on was how wonderful this felt. 

My climax rose fast and hard. When I reached my peak my body went taut. Even as I cried out, Loki never relented. He continued driving into me through the crushing waves of my orgasm. My walls clenched him one last time and his rhythm became uneven. I could hear it in his voice that he’d found his release, still embedded inside of me. After he’d managed to compose himself, Loki rested on me. He let me cradle his head to my chest while I savored the feeling his body blanketing mine. It was comforting rather than suffocating. Having him there proved to me that I wasn’t alone or dreaming this. My fingers combed through his hair and down the back of his neck. It was as much a comfort for him as it was for myself.

Loki let me hold him like this for a while, longer than I expected him to. He could have stayed right there on top of me for the rest of the night without a complaint from me. After a little while, I think he felt a bit uneasy with how long he’d lain there in my arms. Loki withdrew himself from me then and I felt bereft without a part of him joining us. I watched him taking off the sheath of latex. He didn’t look too in love with the process though there was a smidge of acceptance next to his veiled contempt. “That was my only one.” I mentioned with a quiet chuckle.

Loki lay down next to me, “That’s alright.” Without another word he kissed me again. I wasn’t expecting to react this much enthusiasm. My body responded with new arousal as his hand moved down my front towards the apex of my thighs. Loki’s fingers skimmed the slope of my curls until they found that softer place below. My breath caught in my throat. I felt him sliding a finger between my slicked folds, teasing me with the contact. I held my eyes closed tight, wading through the intensity of the feelings he gave me. 

“Look at me dove. I want to you to see me when I bring you to your peak. I want to watch your pleasure run through your beautiful expression again.” Loki whispered to me. He leaned forward and kissed my jaw. The gathering tension in my lower region coiled tighter. Then his fingers slid into me. My eyes fluttered shut again to savor the sensation. “Look at me dove.” He whispered.

I tried to do as he asked but my eyes wanted to close when he would stroke that spot inside me. I writhed beneath his touch, grasping hard at any part of him I could reach each time he made my spine arc off the bed. Loki kissed the shell of my ear, groaning low with satisfaction. It didn’t take me long this time, not with my residual sensitivity. “Come for me. Let me hear you say my name when I give you release.” His deep silky voice instructed. 

I hadn’t intended to unravel on his command. My womanhood tightened around his fingers and his name fell easily from my tongue. I didn’t even have to think about it nor did I care that my neighbors could hear me. All that I could think about was how good this felt. I never wanted him to stop. Loki kissed down my jaw and anywhere else he desired. As I descended from my orgasmic high, I felt at ease. _How did I survive for so long without this?_ He gathered me in his arms, cuddling me to his chest. Loki predicting exactly how I wanted to be held, I didn’t have to think about it because he’d already done it for me. My face pressed against his chest and I could feel the steady beating of his heart next to my cheek.

“I haven’t had one that intense in…I don’t even know how long.” I mused in a small voice. 

Loki tucked my hair behind me ear. “Glad I could be of service.” 

I was getting drowsier by the minute. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, I knew that it was a loosing battle. “Are you always this self-assured?” 

Loki smiled down at me, “Yes. Are you always this headstrong?” 

“Only when provoked.” I managed to say. My eyelids grew heavy. Loki stroked my hair, not bothered that I was nodding off. In the deepest reaches of my mind, I realized I _belonged_ right here in this man’s embrace. It was more than just a preference.

Loki pressed a gentle kiss on my shoulder. When he did, I heard him whisper something. I didn’t understand him right away because his words were muffled against my skin. Still, the sound seeped into my subconscious. The deeper I dozed, the more my mind tried to comprehend his words. They replayed over and over until I had a revelation. His meaning revealed itself as a near afterthought, “I missed you” is what he had said me. By the time I understood, I was too far-gone to question how I knew or why. Nevertheless, it comforted me as slipped into a contended dreamless sleep.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Phew! That was a lot. If you made it through the whole thing, extra thanks for your dedication. I certainly underestimated the time it would take to edit this beast. After the ninth time though I think I went blind to errors. Hopefully nothing too egregious slipped past me. The next chapter should be up soon. It sure as hell won't be this long. Let me know what you think :D


	11. The Morning After

When I opened my eyes that morning, the first thing I saw was Loki lying beside me. That view was better than anything that I could have imagined on my own. _You brought him home you sexy bitch._ The twisting anxiety in my core cut me silent celebrations short. _Great you brought him home…now what?_ I hadn’t wanted him to leave last night nor would I have wanted him to slip out while I was sleeping. I found myself in a frustrating limbo land of uncertainty. _Now **what**?_ How awkward was it going to be to look him in the eye after last night? I couldn’t even think about what I’d let him do to me without blushing. 

Even with my brewing nervousness, there were no feelings of regret. So I lay in his embrace, trying to stay as motionless as I had been while I slept. This stillness gave me the chance to observe him in all his glory. Loki looked peaceful, still handsome, only more so when he was this unguarded. I felt like I was seeing him for the first time despite how familiar he already felt to me. _That is probably just the dopamine talking, living up its nasty habit of forging hasty emotional bonds._

Loki was sprawled on the opposite side my of my bed with his right arm protectively draped across my back. I turned and carefully eased out of his reach, managing to do so without waking him. My bathroom was a few steps away, so I tried not to make too much of a disturbance when I made the short trip there.

When I passed in front the mirror, my disheveled appearance made me take pause. My hair was extra frizzy and had an unusual glow. Just the thought of last night made my face light with silly elation. The I found myself doing everything I could to kill that the stupid grin.I could still smell him on me. I could still feel his lips on my skin, his body invading mine, and hear his voice heavy with satisfaction. Things like this don’t happen to me; at least they hadn’t in a very long time. It had been even longer since I last felt this happy.

By force of habit, my eyes settled on the scar that ran along my cheek, the one that brought me so much grief with every glance. Suddenly my warm and fuzzier receded, taking shelter from that menace. _He’ll be gone soon too. Everyone always leaves once they see all of the crazy you try to hide. Loki won’t be any different. Hell, you might even forget him all together._ The thought was unwelcome yet I couldn’t dispel this fear. I didn’t want my reality to invade this moment, this one moment of joy that I'd managed to claim. I didn’t want to talk myself out of the **only** good thing to happen to me as far back as my intact memories could substantiate. 

When Loki did come to his sense and leave me behind, today or in two weeks, I was determined to make the heartache worthwhile. It wasn’t often I held onto such destructive convictions but this once I couldn’t let go. Letting go was what I had always done to minimize the pain. Now my only means of protection had become too difficult. If I was going to cry when Loki was gone, I damn sure better be doing so on a bag of frozen peas to soothe the chaffed soreness from all the constant sex we would have. _And I intend to have him as many times as physically possible._ With my decision made, I turned back to the bedroom and slid under the covers with him. Loki had rolled onto his stomach, with one of his arms searching for me in his sleep. 

I carefully lifted his arm so that I could put it over my side. When I slipped back into his embrace Loki gathered me tighter against his front. He shifted in his sleep to holding me against him. Loki seemed to settle. He was at ease now that I was where I had been before. I kissed his throat, mostly just because he was there, as well indulging my desire to touch him. I hadn’t expected the little gesture to wake him but Loki mumbled something half muffled by drowsiness. “Say again?” I whispered.

“Have a servant report that today’s proceedings are postponed.” Loki breathed nuzzling into my hair. _He must still be dreaming._ The notion tickled me and I chuckled, cupping his cheek to press my forehead to his. Loki opened his eyes then, quickly realizing that he’d said something he hadn’t intended to. I didn’t ask him about it, deciding that I should let it go without mention. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to have slept over.” He whispered finally. I saw in his eyes that he was reassessing the situation. 

“It’s ok. I didn’t mind.” I answered with a reassuring smile. We lay there in silence for a while longer. Loki held me closer and I savored the feeling of not waking alone for once. More than anything, I was glad to be waking up next to him. It was surreal for him to be the one lying here next to me. It was one thing to lust after him, to see what I wanted day after day passing through the doors at Christa's. It was something altogether different to actually attain it. I’d gotten used to the let downs and pipedreams that littered my past. Every now and again a glimmer of success shone in the darkness. 

Loki kissed my shoulder then touched my hair, inspecting it as if he’d just realized something. “Wasn’t there purple in your hair before?” He asked, his voice was still rough and deep since he’d just woken up. 

“It wasn’t supposed to be _purple_.” I grumbled. Loki arced a brow, waiting for me to elaborate. “I wasn’t trying to make my hair purple. I was aiming for dark fuchsia. Though to be clear that isn’t much better. For reasons I won’t even delve into, I decided to mix the color myself then I left it in for…two hours too long because I fell asleep. The take away here is that I really shouldn’t be allowed to make my own cosmetic choices.” I chuckled. 

“Why would you want your hair to be fuchsia?” Loki asked, trying not to laugh at me. 

I shrugged. I had just said that I didn’t want to explain myself, yet now that he’d posed the question I felt compelled to tell him. I almost wanted to tell him, so that I’d finally have someone to share these little thoughts with. _It’s the desperation. Don’t be an oversharer. No one ever really likes those people._ After some back and forth with myself I decided to tell him a version of the truth.

“I wanted to feel like I was still in control of my life for once. Somehow that translated to ‘let me do something incredibility impulsive’ just to prove that I still have the power to choose. I should be past this rebellious phase. Who the hell am I even rebelling against at this point? Myself? Maybe that’s my quarter life crisis talking.” I chuckled. 

“You have the power to do anything you decide. For better or for worse.” Loki mentioned. 

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

He continued to caress my hair, “How did you manage to rid yourself of that coloring?” 

“It washed out. Thank goodness for that. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m getting too old for that angsty shit. I’m 27 not 17. I should know better by now.” I mumbled. 

“You don’t look your age.” He said quietly.

“Thanks? How old do I look? You can be honest.” I said curiously.

Loki chuckled, “There is no correct answer to this. Don’t entrap me.” 

“Gosh you really don't take chances do you? How old are you then?” I teased. 

“I am very much your senior—“

“Let me guess you’re…two—no three years older than me?” 

He snorted, “Don’t hurt yourself.” I rolled my eyes then found myself allowing my fingertips to roam over his stubble. It was pricklier than yesterday and I felt a sudden curiosity to know what this scruff would feel like when he kissed me. So I tested it out finding with a brief smooch. It was interesting. I couldn’t decide if I just liked kissing him or if I liked the scruff. _More research is required._ Before I knew it he was all over me and I’d lost myself in the heat of the passion. When I felt his arousal I knew it was best to quit before I was confronted with temptation. I broke the kiss and tried to keep him at bay.

Finally Loki relented and settled to caress me. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself, never seeming to be satisfied. “Do you have any obligations to attend to today? Sunday is not typically a day of business correct?” 

As much as I wanted to spend the day in bed with him, I knew I couldn’t. We’d lucked up and I wasn’t working the morning shift but I did work from noon until close. “Not typically, though retail is a whole other animal. I’ve got work this afternoon.” I sighed. Loki’s hand slipped over my waist, skimming over the slopes of my figure. I expected him to kiss me again but he didn’t. He buried his face against the turn of my neck. Just like last night I held him when he leaned against me this way. Loki didn’t linger there for long this time either, rearing back to look down at me as I lay in his arms.

“I would offer you breakfast but I haven’t gone for groceries in a while so there isn’t anything I could fix to eat.” I confessed. Groceries had to wait until the end of the week when I got paid. He didn’t need to know that much. What little there was in my fridge, was all that there would be for the next five days. I didn’t enough for a single meal, let alone five days worth. 

Loki kissed my lips but I pulled away just to tease him, “I’d rather have you for breakfast. Believe me I would eat you all morning.” He mentioned with a disappointed sigh. The giggle that his words incited surprised me. I didn’t laugh often and when I did, I sure as hell didn’t **giggle** like this. 

“I’m sure you would. Might I suggest we go out for actual food? You eating me won’t fill my stomach.” I offered once I’d stopped laughing.

“Don’t fret, I can do that as well—“

“Keep it classy would you?” 

Loki managed to steal another kiss, “Will you allow me to pay for your meal or do you plan to argue with me about that again?” Loki asked raising a brow. 

“We have never argued about that.” I clarified. 

“It feels a lot like arguing to me.” Loki insisted, through the smirk on his face told me he wasn’t too upset about it.

“Loki, you can pay for whatever you want. You won’t hear a peep out of me about it.” I replied. _Because I couldn’t pay my way if I wanted to. I’m broke until payday._

“Alright. Lead the way.” Loki answered. He went to release me from his hold but not before giving me another delicious peck on the lips. I wanted so badly to not have to get out of bed. I wished that we could stay there and entangle our naked bodies like we had before. Instead I knew I had get ready to go to work while leaving enough time to walk Kat after Loki left, all while still not being late. _Why can’t you get along with him and make my life easier?_

We got out of bed and I dug through my drawer for some underwear and cloths. Loki roamed the room, gathering and replacing his discarded articles from the floor as he stumbled across them. I didn’t have time to take a shower if we were going to beat the morning rush. Not to mention it was best not to tempt myself with a freshly showered Loki. _You wont make it to work at all in that case._ I decided that I’d shower as soon as I got back from breakfast. While I was never a fan of the convention, I let him use my toothbrush because there really was no other alternative. Even then I only allowed him to use it after me and not the other way around. _He doesn’t mind so neither will I._ I made a mental note to get some extras on my way home this afternoon.

Afterwards I pulled my hair into a tie to keep it off my neck. The weather was sure to be sweltering per usual. I wondered how Loki always seemed to be comfortable in long pants and that damn jacket. Any normal person would be half way to a heat stroke and as far as I could tell he even never broke a sweat. One way or another, I was determined to getting that man into some shorts. _We’ve got some work to do._

Loki and I passed through the living room, along the way I grabbed my purse. Kat perked up on the balcony when she saw me through the door. She started howling and scratching on the glass. Even though she had tried to attack Loki last night I couldn’t stay mad at her, she didn’t know any better I supposed. I had socialized her about as much as I socialized myself. _Nowhere near enough._

“Let me bring Kat in. That goof ball might strangle herself with her leash.” 

Loki didn’t seem too thrilled about this delay, not to mention that the last time they were in the same room she wanted to kill him. I was also getting the vibe that Loki disliked Kat a little more than she disliked him. He just hid his distain for my sake. Either way, I had to try. I opened the door just a crack and knelt down to keep her from bolting inside. 

“Good morning to you too Kat. I really wish you would be nicer him.” I told her. She enthusiastically responded with her own noise, her tail wagging in her excitement. “Oh really? You think so?” I took her by the collar and led her back into the bedroom. Loki had stepped off into the kitchen so Kat wouldn’t see him. After I locked her in my room, I hurried back to get him. “Let’s go before she realizes I’m going out.” I told him quickly, taking him by the hand to lead him out. 

“What difference does it make?” Loki asked. 

“She taught herself how to open doors. Kat comes and goes as she pleases. I just didn’t want her getting out before you were gone.” I said once we were in the hall. He looked at me with a peculiar stare. I’d place it somewhere between confusion and irritation. “She has a mind of her own. You must have had a dog before, you know how it is don’t you?” 

“We don’t share our living quarters with animals.” Loki stated, making the effort not to come across too critical of my situation. It was easy to tell that he was still trying to wrap his head around the idea. To his credit he didn’t say much else about it.

“Really? I’ve always had a dog except for when I was away at school. Kat is like my baby, well sort of. She’s more trouble than she’s worth most of the time, getting into everything the minute I turn my back. I got her when she was a few weeks old and so I’ve been through all of her phases, the good the bad and the annoying. House breaking was a chore and then the chewing… _god_ I hated that. I lost so many expensive things when she was teething. You have no idea how glad I was when she grew out of that. She’s a year old now…wand all that feels like it was just a week ago.” I said to him as we got in the elevator. It took until we got outside for me to realize that Loki hadn’t let my hand go. 

“Isn’t a mongrel of her size a bit much for you to handle on your own?” Loki asked. “Kat? No. When you’re not around she listens…if she wants to. When she’s in one of her moods she will do everything in her power to be defiant. However, she’ll do anything for peanut butter. I don’t understand why she hates you so much. I like you, that should be enough for her.” I said looking at him. 

Loki brought the back of my hand to his lips, “That is enough for me.” 

“What are you going to do later?” I asked curiously. 

“I’ll go home. Is that the answer you were hoping for?” Loki asked. 

“I don’t know. I just wondered if you were going to do anything a more interesting than what I'll be doing. I was going to try to vicariously enjoy the rest of the weekend through you.” I chuckled. 

Loki smile, “Ok, then I’ll embellish for your sake. When we part ways I will go to the gym for a hour. Then I will visit the pawnshop to makes some offers on a few items that I’ve acquired. After that I will go to the store to get some things for dinner. Is that more enthralling?” Loki stated, making sure to tell me with an enthusiasm that didn’t quite coincide with his activities.

“You don’t look like the gym type. I don’t mean that in an offensive way. You just don’t strike me as someone who enjoys it.” I mentioned. 

Loki pinched my side, managing getting at some of my waist pudge. “Neither do you.” 

“Excuse you. For your information that is my famine preparedness compartment. While you would starve in a food shortage, I’d be fine living off my reserves.” I countered. 

“Yeah for two days at the most.” He scoffed. 

“First you insult me by pointing out my flaws then you tell me I’m not pudgy enough. How wrong I was when I assumed you were a gentleman.” I retorted, pretending to take offense. 

“You would know without a hint of a doubt if I meant insulted you. However I do like the way your store your _famine reserves_ here.” He mentioned, taking the opportunity to grab on my ass. 

“We are in public.” I squeaked, trying my best to scold him. I wasn’t very successful considering I was laughing the whole time.

“Only because you insisted upon it. I thought I made it clear that I was content to make you my meal.” Loki rebutted. He took my hand as we neared the diner. It was funny, the last time that I’d eaten here I was still fighting with myself to even speak to him. Now I’d just shared my bed and my body with him. Coming here somehow made this difference that much sharper for me. 

“You are ridiculous.” I snickered. 

“I’m only being honest. I though that appealed to you.” He argued. I led him inside and we took a seat on the terrace, the same place we’d sat the morning I finally agreed to go out with him.

“Maybe you should go back to lying then…if this is what your honesty gets me.” 

“Don’t pretend as though you didn’t enjoy yourself. I’m even not asking anything of you in return. Do you mean to tell me if I spread you here on this table and put my face between your—“ 

“People can hear you.” I whispered, cringing. I even saw one woman glance back at us from a different table. Loki shrugged and didn’t continue with that discussion. The look in his eyes suggested that he wouldn’t be fazed if there were an audience. I would have some reservations about being devoured in full view. Once I got over the shock of that mental picture, I found that it wasn’t as put off by it as I should have been. 

While Loki looked over the menu I caught myself staring at him, my eyes slid over this disheveled version of him. We both certainly looked like we had rolled straight out of bed, which was a lot different from how I’d been used to seeing him. Loki was always so put together. Even on days where he’d told me that he’d had a hell of a night, I would have never suspected it at first glance. On top of that he was far less rigid this morning that he’d been any other time that I’d talked with him. 

Who knew spending the night with him would force him to shed that façade of composure and eloquence. Beneath it he was down right raunchy and way more playful that I anticipated. I should have been put off by that stark difference, yet the fact that he was comfortable enough with me to show me this side of himself was touching.

“Maybe I’ll join you at the gym sometime. You can spot me when I do bench presses.” 

“That sounds entertaining. Can you even lift your own body weight.” Loki chuckled. 

“I can do seven push ups. That’s up from my all time high of four. Though I could just do squats to sculpt to your favorite _famine reserve._ You’d love to be a part of that I’m sure.” 

“I believe we can undertake such athletics in the comfort of your home or achieve the same results through other means…ones that do not require clothing.”

“I’m sure you can connect anything I say back to sex couldn’t you?” I challenged. Loki nodded, all too proud of his less than virtuous ability. “Carrots.” I blurted at random.

“That was too easy. They’re phallic in nature and many societies believed them to be aphrodisiacs. Whether or not there is any truth to this, I will argue that carrots are quintessentially sexual vegetables for this association.” 

I glared at him, fighting back a hideous laugh, “Like who?”

“The ancient Greeks and some factions within your people as well.”

“Loki I swear, if I ever saw a dick that looked like a carrot I wouldn’t go near it. If I were feeling super philanthropic, I would suggest its owner seek medical attention ASAP.” 

“As you should. The color alone would be enough cause for concern.”

“Alright, here’s a tough one—“ Our waitress came by and interrupted our little game, a fact I’m our table neighbors were thankful for. I tried to order something small to leave room for my pride when I had to swallow later when Loki paid for my meal. 

“Ele this isn’t any better that negotiating over who will pay the expense.” Loki stated.

“I’m fine with fruit salad.” I declared.

“She’ll have the steak and eggs. Will that dissatisfy you?” Loki told our waitress before glancing back at me for approval. _Dammit. You know you want it._ I grit my teeth, begrudgingly nodding in their direction. Our waitress left and I looked back at him, making some effort not to glare too venomously at him.

“Are you going to let this ruin our meal?” Loki asked me. I shook my head but I kept silent. "Are you on better terms with your superiors at the Bike Shop?” At first I was taken off guard by this question. 

“Much better. Stan isn’t a heartless bastard like Christa.” I answered. 

“What do you do at his shop?” 

“I’m technically a stockroom associate. Since I have POS experience he let’s me be a cashier from time to time. I’ve also dabbled in the repairs workshop too. I’m not very good at most of it. I can change a tire, patch a tube, and tighten spokes…just some the basics. I think he just likes having someone to teach. I only listen because my bike is my main mode of transportation. Why do you ask?” 

“I don’t like how unhappy it makes you when you work for Christa. I had hoped that you would find this job more pleasant.” Loki mentioned. 

“She pays better than Stan. I can wipe my tears with Benjamins every other week. Pocket lint makes me even more unhappy.” I laughed even though inside I didn’t find it funny.

Loki’s expression shifted, the way it so often did when I lost him. “Benjamins…Ben Franklin…the old guy on the hundred.” I clarified. With that Loki nodded, smiling a bit now that he understood my joke, only it wasn’t funny anymore. 

Soon our food arrived and we ate with a lot less chatter. I didn’t let him see me cringe when he paid my share. Then Loki walked me back to my building. This time I had to let him leave me there. I still didn’t want to see him go but there was always tomorrow or the day after that. He followed me to the door and I stopped after the first two steps, when we were almost the same height. For once I was the taller of the pair of us. “Don’t be a stranger ok?” I asked. Loki’s hands found their way around my waist, gently pulling me towards him until my balance failed and I was forced to lean against him. 

“Have I ever been a stranger?” He smirked.

“You know what I meant. We should do this again sometime...if you want to.” 

Loki chuckled, “You have to ask?” 

“I just wanted to make sure. Sometimes I misread social cues and what not. Better to ask than to assume right?”

“You interpreted correctly. Do you have an idea of what cues I’m giving you right now?” Loki asked me, his voice taking a playful tone.

I braced myself against his shoulders. “Yes. You want me to take you by the hand and guide you back upstairs. Even though you know that can’t happen.” I whispered. As I spoke I leaned towards him, losing more of the conviction in my voice the closer we became. Then I was kissing him, matching his desire for once. 

I didn’t want to let him go. It was a deep seeded desire that I couldn’t shake. It was persistent and desperate, doing all that it could to keep him here. Somehow I managed to cage this part of myself so that I could do what I had to do. I broke our kiss and pulled away, taking a backward step up. “I better see you again.” I smiled, getting another two steps up before Loki let go of my hand.

“The sooner the better.” He added, watching me enter the lobby.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this one. I should have the next chapter up soon.


	12. Rock Bottom

My bank account read $2.45, $2 in checking and 45 cents in savings. Those expensive salads had finally caught up to me. In my mind, I revisited the empty shelves in my pantry and fridge. Sure, I _could_ make a meal out from that lone can of mixed vegetables, but that wouldn’t last me until Friday. I _could_ make that corner of milk stretch one more day. My stomach growled and I knew that I couldn’t negotiate my way out of this. My decision was already made, I just hadn’t accepted it. There was no way I could go without eat for the next three days. 

“This isn’t a date.” I clarified.

Ryle laughed, “Nope, not a date. Just the two of us going to eat dinner…as friends.” _This already feels like a bad idea._

“Great, I’ve wanted to try that place for a while now. Do you want to go as soon as we get off?” I asked, anxiously fiddling with the edge of my apron. _I **really** don’t want to do this._ Alas, my pride wasn’t stronger than my hunger.

He had didn’t hesitate, “I’ll drive.” I suspected that he offered because he wanted to make damn sure that I didn’t back out of this. After all, I had turned him down every day for the last year. Though that should have been his first hint that I was using him. _If I’ve said no all those other times, what makes you think I would change my mind this once?_ I guess his ego could rationalize this as some sort of break through.

For the rest of my shift, I felt the gnawing dread creeping through me. _This is a bad idea._ Ryle wasn’t my favorite person at the best of times and now I’d just signed myself up for a couple hours of quality time with him. I wasn’t looking forward to it. Most of all I was disappointed in myself for getting to this point. I was going out with a guy _**for**_ dinner. I wasn’t the first person to ever pull this trick, desperate times called for desperate measures, though that didn’t make it feel any less degrading. 

On any other day, the passage of time would slow to a crawl while I worked. Every minute would become it’s own hour as I looked forward to quitting time. That was in stark contrast to what was happening today. Each hour lasted a minute and before I knew it, it was time to clock out and I was about to leave with Ryle. 

It made me feel dirty doing something this manipulative. I wasn’t above doing whatever was required to survive but this wasn't me and it sucked. Still in a weird way, felt compelled to give him a good time just to ensure that he would cover the tab. _As good a time as dinner can be. There will be **no** hanky panky of any kind._ I had a terrible feeling that keeping him satisfied with conversation alone was going to be a tough sell. No matter the results, I was going to try my hardest to keep him feeling generous. 

While I was finishing up with the last few tasks that Christa had given me, I wondered where Loki was. He always came in around closing on Tuesdays, except for today of course. I could almost set my watch to his punctuality and yet today, Loki was nowhere to be found. I’d held out hope that somehow he would stop by before we closed and save me from this nightmare. As usual my luck called in sick, leaving me high and dry to deal with this shitty situation on my own. It was probably for the best that I hadn't seen him. I didn’t want to get in the habit of asking Loki for money or begging him for food. I enjoyed being with him, so much so that I wanted to keep him around. That was something that I certainly couldn’t stomach if every time I saw him my pride took a serious bruising. 

With that unwelcome thought, I decided to cast my feelings for Loki out of mind for the night. _I’m not cheating on him am I? This doesn’t counts as cheating right?_ We hadn’t agreed to be exclusive or anything. Hell, we’d only been on two official dates, so its not like we had longevity on our side either. This was a conflict I never imagined myself having. I hadn’t been on a single real date in the last three years and now I was two for two this week. In any case, I had no intentions of willingly engaging in anything that might qualify as cheating with Ryle. A handshake would be too much for me. Just the thought of _more_ had me dry heaving.

I took off my apron to stow it in my locker. As I collected my belongings, I tried to give myself a little pep talk. _Everything is going to be ok. You’re going to shoot the breeze with him and then after you get you food you’ll haul ass out of there._ With my game plan in mind, I felt confident enough to face him. On cue Ryle rounded the corner and found me in the break room. “You ready to go?” 

I nodded, “All set.” I forced a smile that he should have been able to tell wasn’t genuine. On the inside I was fighting with myself to keep up this charade. I told Christa goodnight and followed Ryle out to the parking lot. Somehow he drove a better car than I did. Though that wasn’t really giving much credit to either of us. Any vehicle that was at least fifteen model years newer than mine and had paint on the _whole_ car, was better than my car. The meticulous upkeep suggested that he obsessed over his car even if it was a piece of junk. _No matter how much you shine it, it will still be a junker._

Ryle unlocked the doors and I got in the passengers side. The first thing I noticed—or was assaulted by, was his air freshener. It was suffocating. I tried to hold my breath, taking in little sips of air as needed until my chest burned. _Why can I taste it?_ I watched him get the engine to start with little persuasion. Now he was fiddling with his radio, clearly taking some pride in his upgrades. “What kind of music do you listen to?” He asked after a long stint of silence. 

“A little bit of everything. It really just depends on my mood. Sometimes I’m into movie soundtracks, show tunes, top 40, or maybe alternative rock. Country is growing on the longer I live here but I can’t say I’m partial to any one genre.” I shrugged. 

Ryle grimaced, “You like that? You don’t look like you would be into _any_ of that stuff.” 

I half nodded. Truth be told, I couldn’t give less of a fuck about his opinion on my tastes in music. I wasn’t interested in impressing him. And I wasn’t even going to touch his comment about what music I _looked_ like I should listen to. That insinuation was insulting enough at face value. All this served to do was further my distain for him. “Here, let me show you what good music sounds like.” He chuckled turning up the volume. When he did, the bass exploded in my chest to the point where I was certain it was going to give me arrhythmia. _Just crash the car right now. It would be better than following through with this._

I clutched my seatbelt tightly when he sped off. The acceleration pressed me backward into the seat. _I was only kidding about crashing. Gods help me!_ Somehow I managed to tolerate this noise he called music. I tried to look at the positives, when I was able to hear myself think between the thudding of the base and mumbled obscenities. This was at least better than having to talk to him the whole ride there. His music and reckless driving were enough to keep me from worrying about much else. 

With every mile of distance we covered, the more my reality sank in. The farther away we went, the longer it would take for me to walk home if things went south. I hoped like hell that it didn’t get worse than this. I had no delusions that it would be very fun. Uncomfortable I could deal with, yet I still worried just how unpleasant this was going to get for before the night was out. When we pulled into the parking lot, Ryle turned to me and laughed. “Why are you holding on like that?” 

I let my death grip on my seatbelt loosen, “Because you drive like a maniac.” I managed to say. The car stopped when Ryle parked in a space, a fact I was wildly grateful for. I felt a wave of relief when I could open the door. _Fresh Air!_ I all but gasped when the clear night breeze filled my lungs, purging that thick cloud of manly fragrance from my respiratory system. Again I followed Ryle’s lead. We went inside and waited to be seated. The dinner rush was starting to taper off so I was confident that we’d get a table pretty quickly. 

Not long after, our waitress took us to a table that was far too secluded for my tastes, but there was nothing I could do. There weren’t any other open tables and I didn’t want to outright offend him. The last thing I needed was for him to force me pay for my own food. I’d be in the kitchen washing dishes until the end of the night for sure. I decided that if things didn't look too promising, I would sneak out before he had the chance to split the check.

“You haven’t said much. At work you’re talking my ear off.” Ryle asked looking down at his menu.

“Just tired I guess. It’s been a long day for me. I’ve been working since she opened this morning. You came in around noon remember. And for the record I don’t talk your ear off, you’re the one who does the talking.” I muttered glancing up at him. _Not to mention you had that god-awful music blasting. How was I supposed to talk to you over that garble?_

“Fair enough. Aside from that riffraff you mentioned before, what do you listen to? Anything that I might've heard?” He asked. 

I tried to be mindful of my expression now that he was looking me in the face. “I’m pretty sure you’ve never heard of any of them. So I’ll just skip that question.” I said trying to laugh it off. If I couldn’t disarm him with my words, a smile might just do the trick. _Less flirt more friendly. Wow you’re bad at this._ He laugh, probably reading farther into my body language than necessary. Hopefully I wasn’t overdoing it.

“Are you worried that I’m going to judge you?” Ryle asked. 

“I really don’t care what you think. ” I said under my breath before I could catch myself. _Ele, that is not how nice people respond._

“I’ve been meaning to ask you. What was the deal with you the other day? It was in the morning a week or two ago. You were taking orders and then you just started freaking out and locked yourself in the bathroom before Christa sent you home early?”

“I know this must be a real shocker, but I’d really rather not talk about that.” I said quietly. 

Ryle looked a little surprised that I wasn’t jumping at the chance to explain the episodes of panic that I experience whenever I saw Loki. I wasn’t interested in revisiting that with anyone, not even myself. In fact I didn’t want to even bring up anything that had to do with Loki. _What he would think if he knew what you were doing right now?_ Surely he wouldn’t be very happy to know that I was out with Ryle, even if it was under the auspice of “dinner between friends.” I had to hope that if Loki knew the nitty-gritty details, he wouldn’t be too upset about with me about it. 

Ryle shifted, growing uncomfortable with the lingering silence. So instead of enduring it for another second, he filled it with small talk. _Oh, how I hate small talk._ “What do you think about the new menu Christa has us starting next month? I think it’s more like the original blends that she introduced when she first opened. I’ve always thought that was what the menu needed more of.” 

“It’s all coffee. It still all tastes bitter and has six ingredients too many.” I said with a shrug. 

“You don’t like coffee?” He questioned. I shook my head. “But…you work in a coffee shop? Why have you worked there this long if you don’t even like coffee?” Now Ryle looked appalled, like disliking coffee was somehow sacrilegious.

“I used to think it was ok. Now I hate it _because_ I work in a coffee shop. She pays well and that’s the only reason I’m still there.” I answered. Ryle still looked very confused. He loved coffee almost as much as Christa. I was surprised that the two of them hadn’t started injecting it intravenously to get their mornings going. Clearly I still wasn’t making any sense to him, so I accepted defeat and looked away. 

He changed the subject a few more times, skipping around until he started telling me about how the people that he hung out with were all up an coming artists. One such friend did tattoos and piercings in a parlor nearby. Ryle then proceeded to take off his shirt, in the middle of the restaurant, to show me the inks that he'd gotten on his back from said friend. I couldn’t tell him that it was one of the sloppiest tattoos I’d ever seen, so I told him it was "unique", just to get his shirt back on. Then he started self-promoting his music. Apparently it had been the noise that we’d listened to on the way over. 

The longer I endured this painful outing, the more I wondered where our waitress had gone. _Did she get sucked into a vortex, never to be seen or heard from at this table again?_ Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, his phone started ringing and his volume was turned all the way up. Of course his ringtone was his own music because humility is lame. I hid behind my menu when people started to look in our direction. He let let it ring a lot longer than necessary in another obnoxious form of self-promotion I theorized.

Before now I used to think that Ryle wasn’t all that bad. I had attributed my aversion to him, to my ability to find something wrong with everyone. It wasn’t a trait of mine that I particularly liked. It was a flaw that I accepted and sought to overcome. I had thought that I was the problem, though the longer I sat here with him, the more I found myself backtracking from my initial assumption. I also found myself comparing him to Loki.

Ryle didn’t have the same grace or charisma that Loki had spoiled me to. Even when Loki was being a bit improper, he never made me want to hide underneath the floor tiles like this. Ryle didn’t speak like him either. His voice wasn’t as soothing as Loki’s. On the right person a rich southern accent could be just as pleasant as whatever Loki had going on, yet Ryle’s twang was grating. It was less alluring and more nails on a chalkboard. Loki didn’t even have to try and everything about him made me want him. When Ryle tried to make me want him, he made things worse by accentuating his worst qualities. 

Not long after that I felt myself staring at this so-called friend who sat across from me. His nose turned to the right and now that I noticed, I couldn’t unsee it. His head was too round and his hair was the wrong color. He was blonde and just about my height. He wasn’t tall like Loki. Everything about him was wrong. Then I realized that Ryle's biggest flaw, was that he _wasn’t_ Loki. I was suddenly mortified that I’d even come here in the first place. 

Just when I was on the verge of getting up from the table to making my escape, our waitress returned. _You should be leaving him here anyway._ Then my stomach growled, reminding me exactly why I was doing all of this. So I accepted my fate and resigned to another hour or so of this ordeal. Ryle ordered first and then the woman looked over at me, waiting for my order. “I’ll have two of the House Platters?” I stated, closing my menu.

“Those are two entrées, is that alright?” She asked me, her eyes flashed a bit of skepticism. Each of the plates could feed two maybe three people, depending on how hungry they all were. I glanced up at Ryle, who looked equally dumbfounded by my request. 

“Yeah, that’s fine. If you can bring one in a take out box that would be perfect.” I said handing her my menu. I didn’t dare look across the table at my “not date." So long as he didn’t protest, I wouldn't give him the option of voicing any disputes. Afterwards the waitress left us and I pretended that nothing out of the ordinary happened. This didn’t distract Ryle from it though.

“Are ya' hungry?” He asked, his voice laced with sarcasm. 

“Yeah. Starved actually. What were you saying before? I’ve never met anyone who wrestled gators.” I stated, trying to gloss over this little situation. That seemed to do the trick because he took off in another one of his stories about caring for the scaly hatchlings when he lived in Florida. He told me all about how he used to work at a rescue farm and he would help local police departments when they needed someone to get them out of pools and fountains. That kind of bragging didn't impressed me. Tough guys didn’t get me going, thoughtful guys did and thoughtful guys typically had the good sense not to wrestle prehistoric beasts with a hundred pointy teeth.

We ate in relative silence, primarily due to the fact that I couldn’t speak and chew at the same time. I hadn’t had a decent meal in two days so conversation with Ryle was the absolute last thing on my mind. By now we were some of the last people still in the dinning area. The staff had started to wipe down the other tables. I recognized in the way that they were looking at us, that they wanted us hurry up and pay so that they could close for the night. “Are you about ready to go?” I asked him. It was all that I could do to keep from licking my now bare plate. 

I’d had my dinner, I had my leftovers for the next couple of days, and I was ready to leave. “Yeah. I’ll get the check.” He said reaching for his wallet. While he paid I peeked at the damage and I almost snorted with laugher. My meals had cost three times what his had. I was shocked that he was this cavalier about it all, not that I was about to question him. After he paid we went out to his car. _Just get back to the store to pick up your bike and then get your ass home._

I gathered my leftovers on my lap. If I could have I would have left Ryle at the restaurant but that was too far of a walk at this hour. I didn’t have money for a cab and my phone had a single digit charge. _How do you always find yourself in these situations?_ Unlike when we were on our way here, he didn’t turn on his music. Now I found that I wished he had, even if it was that stream of vulgarities. “Why so quiet?” He asked turning to me. 

“I don’t really have anything to say.” I said quietly. I started to feel the atmosphere changing between us. Something was different and I couldn’t tell what but I didn’t like it.Meanwhile, I tried to not look like I’d be willing to tuck and roll out of a moving car to get away from him. _Though in a pinch, I bet could survive it._ It wouldn’t have mattered to him I’m sure. Ryle seemed blissfully unconcerned with the way he made my skin crawl. “You look tense. I thought we had a good time. You sure seemed to enjoy the food.” He said glancing my take out box. 

“I really enjoyed the food. It was better than I was anticipating.” I answered. We drove for a little longer and he didn't say anything else. I was starting to get antsy. “If you don’t mind, you can drop me off at the store. I need to grab my bike.” I said to him.

“Are you kidding? You’re not biking by yourself this time of night. I’ll take you home. You can get it tomorrow. Where do you live?” He asserted. _I’d rather you not know where I live._ Despite my reservations, I knew that the rational thing would be to let him drop me off. It was late and I really shouldn’t ride back alone. I also didn’t want him to take me home. I **_really_** didn’t want him to take me home. Though like everything else that I’d held reservations against, I ended up ignoring them once again. 

“You know the building on the corner of Roswell Avenue—“

“You live there?” He interjected. He looked astonished that I could afford it. Even though I barely could afford to live there.

“Yeah.” I answered, managing to keep my irritated scowl under control. 

“How? Christa doesn’t pay us anywhere near enough for you to afford to live _there_.” He said with a laugh. 

“That really isn’t any of your business.” I countered tersely. He didn’t need to know that I worked two jobs and pinched pennies everywhere I could. He didn’t need to know that even after all that, I was still a month behind on rent and that the only reason we were even in this situation was because I was too broke to buy groceries. Maybe if we were better friends I might have shared _some_ that with him but were weren’t. He was my meal ticket for tonight and that was already far more than I ever wanted there to be between us. 

I used to think that I wasn’t the kind of person to use people to meet my own needs. I was probably doing myself more harm than good by giving him this much hope that there might be a chance for him. Now I was getting the feeling that he was realizing his mistake in taking me to dinner. I had my food, we were a few minutes away from my place and I was struggling to pretend to still be invested in this. I just wanted this all to be over with so that I could get away from him. 

“There’s no reason for you to be so defensive Ele. You really should smile more. People like a pretty face...especially when they order their coffee. You’d get better tips if you smiled more or even put on a little make up. At least try to make yourself look put together. You’d look a lot friendlier and more people would like to be around you.“ He told me. The casual way in which he’d said it made it seem like he thought his input was helpful. It was like he didn't even care that his statements were insulting. No matter how much I tried to pretend that it hadn’t, his words struck a raw nerve.

I clenched my jaw at his assessment. Before I could come back with something equally cutting, I felt him put his hand over mine. It was supposed to be a comforting gesture, only it put his hand on my lap, a place I didn’t want him close to. I crossed my legs and leaned against the door to escape his roaming hands. “You’re sure that this isn’t going to make things weird at work?” I asked quietly. I toyed with my keys the closer we got to my building. I let a few of them slip between my fingers...just in case. _Just in case I have to fuck you up._

“Of course not.” Ryle replied. I didn’t say anything else to him. If I did, I would be sure to find myself walking out here on these empty streets. We pulled up to my building a few minutes later and he pulled up by the curb. _Just get to the door and don’t look back._

“Thanks for dinner and the ride.” I said turning to him. 

“No problem.” 

I reached for the handled and popped open my door, “See you tomorrow.”

His expression grew perplexed, “That’s it?” 

“Excuse me?” I asked, choosing to play dumb. 

“ ‘See you tomorrow,’ That’s all I get? I bought you _two_ dinners and just like that you’re going to leave?” He asked me. 

“Yup. Good night.” I answered pulling open the door. I heard him get out of that car and follow me. I made a beeline for lobby and before I got there he grabbed my wrist. Enraged I tore my arm out of his grasp, “Don’t touch me.” I bit back. I fought to keep control of my anger. No matter what happened tonight I still had to face him at work for the foreseeable future. 

“What’s the matter with you—“ 

“What’s the matter with me? You’re the one who’s getting physical.” I argued. 

“Ele—“ 

“It’s Eleanor to you.” I said spat back. 

“I don’t care what it is. I gave you my evening and bought you dinner. The least you could do is act like you enjoyed yourself. Show a little gratitude.” He bit back snidely. 

“ _Gratitude_? Fuck you Ryle. I don’t owe you anything. You agreed to that this was just dinner to you and—like a fool, I took your word for it. I am not nor have I ever been romantically interested in you.” I argued. 

“Then why give such mixed signals _Eleanor_? One minute you’re coming onto me and then next you want nothing to do with me. You’ll even wearing those low cut shirt and flaunting yourself—“ 

“Mixed signals? What part of ‘I am not interested’ is a mixed signal? Just because I’m nice to you doesn’t mean I want to fuck you. The only reason I went with you tonight is because you offered me a meal, no strings attached and I took your word for it. Now you’re coming up with all these clauses in the fine print. Let me make this perfectly clear once and for all, so that you don’t get confused. I’m _not interested._ And for your information, I wear the cloths I do because I like them, not because I give your preferences **any** thought when I get dressed in the morning.” I shouted.

He scoffed, “You carry yourself like you are so high and mighty, like you’re so much better than the rest of us."

"That isn't true and it damn sure has nothing to do with this." I interjected.

"It's not just this but it's everything that you’ve done since the day you started working at Christa’s. You act like it’s all beneath you. Let me tell you something _princess_ , you don’t shine brighter than anyone else around here and it’s about time someone gave you a reality check. Nothing better is going to come your way. I could see it if you actually had a personality to fall back on. All that you've got going for you is that you’re attractive…enough. Beyond that you’re useless.” He sneered.

“Well I was attractive enough for you to hit on me _everyday_ since I started working at Christa’s. You don’t know the first thing about me Ryle, so don’t presume to know my life and what options I may or may not have. You think just because you bought me food that I owe you some kind of favors? The only reason you’re pissed, is because I used you and now I've made it perfectly clear that I have no intentions of _ever_ fucking you.” I shouted. I felt myself shaking with anger. 

I went to the door and tried to type in the code but he pursued me, backing me against the glass before I could unlock the door. I didn’t have enough room to escape him or to try for the door again, “Get off me—“ Then he kissed me. At first I was in shock that this was happening then I was revolted by the feeling his mouth over mine. A searing wave of rage and disgust washed over me with this violation. My body tried to thrash or scream out of instinct, fighting to escape him but he pinned me against the glass, preventing me form doing either. 

I managed to overcome my panic and tighten my fist around my keys. Then I punched him as hard as I could. Ryle stumbled backward, tripping down the few stairs until he landed on the pavement below. I wiped my mouth in disgust. 

Before I could try the entry code again he was on his feet. “Bitch!” He hissed, swiping the bloodied grooves on his cheek. Ryle raised his hand to slap me but instead of flinching like I thought I would, I caught his hand and bent back a few of his fingers until I heard them crack. He hollered out in pain and doubled over, clutching his freshly broken appendages. I shoved him away as hard as I could. This time I didn’t look back to see where he was, I only heard him stumble back against the hood of his car.

“If you so much as talk to me about anything other than work again, I will break the rest of those fuckers _off_. Get the hell out of here before I call the cops.” I snarled, all the while punching in the code to unlock the door. I grabbed my food from the step and left him there to nurse his wounds. Once I was safe inside, I ran the rest of the way to my apartment. I threw open the door and slammed my back against it and tears burned down my cheeks. _Is this what I’ve become now? Whoring myself out for food?_ This was a new low for me. 

I slid down to the floor pulled my legs to my chest. I didn’t rise to my feet or move to turn on the lights. The last thing I wanted was for Ryle to know which unit was mine. I didn’t put it past him to find his way inside. So I sat there, shuddering as my quiet sobs filled the silence. Kat came to me and licked my tears. Despite her best efforts, that did little to console me. I stayed there for a while longer and stretched my legs out in front of me. Soon Kat gave up on her pitiful attempt to stop my crying and put her head in my lap, laying down by my side. Through my tears, I looked around at the shadows in my little apartment and smoothed her fur. _This is still my life, with only Kat here to comfort me._

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I finally got to finish another one of these suckers. Chapter 13 will be up tomorrow (fingers crossed). I've learned not to upload twice in one sitting because it never works out for me. I hate to leave you hanging on an update without Loki, so another chapter is imminent. As you can imagine, he's going to _love_ hearing about this...


	13. Pick Me Up

Every time that I would look up, I’d find Ryle glaring at me. Those hateful looks raised the hair on the back of my neck. Ryle forced me to do what was necessary to protect myself and I didn’t regret any of what I'd done. However, none of this made those glares feel any less threatening. Now things _were_ tense on the job, and I had myself to blame. 

Work had never been as hostile as it was today. Christa was bitching at me for something stupid between Ryle’s death glares. Somehow my till from the night before was sixty-five cents short, therefore the missing amount had to be deducted from my check. The more I tried to explain to her that it was a miscalculation in her records, the more she shoved a write up in my face for theft. So I let her take the money out of my check. When all was said and done I wished that I had actually stolen that change. Though for the record, if I had stolen from her, which I hadn’t, I sure as hell would have taken more than sixty-five cents.

Exhausted and on edge from this two-front assault, I counted the seconds until I could escape this place. Though it wasn’t like going home would alleviate my stress either. I still had the unresolved food problem for the next day and a half. The leftovers that I’d put my dignity on the line for hadn’t stretched as far as I’d hoped and once again I was down to scraps. 

Maybe if I could get home and scrounge up some change I could get a kids meal from somewhere before everything closed for the night. It didn’t help that I was working until closing again. By the time that I would get back home to seek out my coinage, very few places would still be open. The ones that were still open, would be too far away for me to consider walking to. With that realization I felt even more defeated. This unending food struggle combined with the toxic climate here at work, left me wanting was to curl up in the corner and give up. I just wanted to let the world crumble around me and to stop putting off the inevitable. 

For the rest of the day I kept to myself, biding my time until the end of my shift. Even though it was an unreasonable risk, I wished that Loki had come in today. He hadn’t been in the store for several days now. I hadn't expected him to contact me every day since we’d hooked up, but at least once would have been nice. I found that his absence left me feeling a little abandoned. Loki didn’t owe me anything, not a text, a call or even his time. Soon I suspected that I would have to accept the inevitable. I gathered my fragmented strength and put on a brave face, for Christa, Ryle, and the customers. _They can smell weakness._

An hour before closing, I watched Christa roll the mop and bucket from the back. I could already tell where this was going. “I need you to go over the front. Ryle’s hand is splinted so I’m delegating to you.” She stated, offering me the mop handle. I didn’t mean to cut my eyes at Ryle over her shoulder. It was a mistake that I regretted the second my gaze strayed. “Eleanor, is there going to a problem?“

Ryle leaned against the counter and fold his arms, watching me flounder with a satisfied smile on that smug face. He was getting a thrill out of watching Christa dig into me for the umpteenth time today. “No, I’ve got it covered.” I answered quietly. Christa nodded then forced the mop handle into my hand. I wheeled the bucked to the far side of the store to get to work. The less of an open target I was, the less they would go after me. _I hope._

I had finished mopping most of the store and had begun to work my way into the opposite corner when the front door chimed. I didn’t say anything when Loki walked past. It was better to pretend that I didn’t know him for now. Though a small part of me was relieved to see that he still existed. From this distance I watched him ordered his coffee. 

When Ryle was preoccupied, Loki casually glanced around the store searching for me. Then our eyes locked the instant he found me. I wished that I could wave to him; instead all I could manage was a tiny apologetic smile. I hoped that he could tell that I wasn’t willfully avoiding him. I didn’t let myself stare so I continued mop, letting my focus return to the work that had to be done.

“I think I’ve come to a realization. This swill is only palatable when you prepare it.” Loki said to me. He kept his voice low, never looking directly at me when he spoke. From across the store no one would be able to that we were talking. 

“You just missed your chance.” I whispered.

I risked a look up at him and a smile threatened to spread across my face. I scolded myself, fearing all of the potential consequences I could face if Christa or Ryle saw this tiny fleck of happiness. I’d surely lose my job over one little conversation. Christa would say that I was socializing on the job or giving Loki discounted coffee behind her back. I’d just be gifting her an excuse to fire me after getting written up earlier. 

“I looked for you this morning. You weren’t scheduled to arrive for another several hours.” Loki mentioned.

“I do have a phone and my number hasn’t changed. You don’t have to stake out at my job to see me. A text or a call would work wonders.” 

“My number hasn’t changed either, however I prefer to see your face. Is that why I’ve not received any correspondence from you, you don’t want to see me?” Loki asked carefully. 

I looked up at him and quickly cast a cautionary glance back in Ryle’s direction. “No. Loki…I’ve been busy and there’s—there’s a lot going on for me right now. I’m trying my best here. I was going to reach out to you then a million other things got in the way and honestly when I get home after work, I barely have the energy to make it to my bed. Don’t take it personally.”

Loki nodded, “I hadn’t. I thought that I should to ask rather than making any assumptions. You have not given me any reason to believe that you object to my company.” 

“I appreciated that—“

“Are you done with the floor yet?” Ryle called to me. His voice cut through me, dragging me back to reality like a ball and chain with his condescending tone. Surely he could have mopped the floor himself. When I’d gotten scalded, Christa hadn’t let me shirk my duties. My self-defense had only given Ryle an excuse to loaf off and force me to carry his dead weight. 

I steeled myself before answering him, “Almost.” 

I could feel Loki watching me, trying to piece together anything he could to better read the situation. “Is everything all right?” Loki asked once I returned to my task. 

I shrugged, refusing to answer his question. “You’d better go. We close in five minutes and Christa _will_ put you out.” I said in a small voice. 

“When are you free to leave?” Loki persisted.

“In about forty-five minutes. You’re not going to hang around in the alley are you?” 

“If it is not an imposition, I’d like to wait outside for you until you are done for the night.” He asked. 

With some hesitation I agreed, “Fine, just don’t get caught. She’ll call the cops on you.” Just as I had predicted, Christa sent Ryle over to give Loki his five-minute warning. 

For the rest of my shift, I kept to myself and hoped that nothing else would go wrong in these last few minutes. Ryle continued to cast me sharp looks behind Christa’s back, when that witch wasn’t throwing her own. I managed to dodge them until I was off the clock. Like Loki had promised, he was waiting outside for me. I found him leaning against the wall next my bike.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.” I told him as I started to fish my keys out of my purse. 

Loki shook his head, “There’s no need to apologize.” 

“Fine. What’s new with you, other than your haircut? It looks good by the way.” 

“Thanks, I didn’t think you’d notice. In other news, I found the library and acquired a rental card in my name.” Loki mentioned. 

I snorted at how unexpected his reveal was. “Well…congratulations? Do you read a lot?”

“Enough. I’ve been intrigued by a myriad of topics since I arrived here.” He added. 

“So you went to the library? Why not do your research online? I’ve got nothing against print but it has a hard time staying up to date these days. Nine times out of ten you’ll find the books faster if you search online, if not a digital copy of whatever book your looking for. That doesn’t even begin to considering all the stuff that’s _only_ published online.” I mentioned. 

“Don’t you enjoy holding books? Has that simple pleasure been lost to this society?” Loki mused. 

“No. I just thought I’d play devils advocate to keep things interesting.” I teased. The back door flung open when Ryle exited and he looked right at us. My stomach dropped, tumbling in a bitter mixture of anger, panic, and embarrassment. Now Ryle knew exactly why I’d turned him down and for whom I reserved my affections. After he gave us a cold once over, I heard him scoff and head to his car. 

I quickly unlocked my bike and led Loki away from the store. “What happened between the two of you?” Loki demand. He kept pace with me, never giving me the option of evading his question. I didn’t want to tell him. _What good would it do to share something so humiliating?_ Loki couldn’t rewrite the past and forcing myself to relive it enough get him caught up would destroy all the progress I’d tried to make. We walked a good distance from the shop before Loki stepped in front of my bike to keep me from avoiding him any longer. His eyes betrayed his concern, as well as his weakly restrained rage. 

I looked anywhere but his face, knowing that if I did the truth might come spilling out. I didn’t know what I was comfortable sharing with him or what parts I wanted to leave out. “Did he hurt you?” Loki asked me. When he did, I heard him holding back his temper. I shook my head and before I could speak Loki lifted my chin up so that our eyes met. 

The menacing shift in his demeanor was shocking. It was almost like he’d become a different person; someone I knew without a doubt was capable of terrifying things if he were provoked. “No—“ 

“Did he force himself on you?” Loki demanded. This time his expression darkened farther, at the mere suggestion of Ryle touching me against my will. The look in his eyes warned that he wasn’t going take my answer well. So I stalled, choosing my words carefully. It was unsettling how quickly Loki had become protective of me and even more unsettling that I wasn’t as concerned as I should have been. Though strangely, no matter how murderous his expression became, I knew I was probably the safest person to be right now.

“He…he got a little too familiar and the feelings weren’t mutual. It wasn’t as serious as it could have—“

“How serious do you need him to be?” Loki argued, failing to contain his outrage. He’d all but shouted at me. 

“That wasn’t what I meant. It happened but it won’t happen again…for his sake it better not.” I said maneuvering around Loki so that we could continue walking. I assumed at this point that he intended to walk me home. 

“Ele, You don’t know that.” Now I wished that I hadn’t said anything in the first place. I could feel something dangerous building. My stomach felt sick all of a sudden. It was like his anger was a physical force that disturbed the air around us. I had no idea what all that implicated; only that if I didn’t settle this with Loki, Ryle would be _far_ worse off than the way I left him. I wasn’t trying to protect Ryle, I just needed to stop Loki from getting himself into some trouble that he couldn’t get out of. _Like murder charges for instance..._

“What do you think happened to his hand and his face? I was being generous and I didn’t do worse than that. Loki I don’t need you to get involved.” I asserted. He went silent, having to collect himself before he spoke to me. “Promise me you aren’t thinking of doing something rash.” I pleaded. 

“I’m thinking of doing plenty of things.“ Loki asserted sharply. 

“This isn’t your problem to fix. I’m glad you care in the first place…really I am, but I can’t afford to lose this job or to be an accomplice into some kind of crime. If you do _anything_ that might jeopardize my livelihood…I don’t know that I could forgive you for that. He kissed me and I broke a lot of his fingers and probably dislocated his jaw. If he comes back for more, I won’t hold anything back, but that has nothing to do with you. What's done, is done.” I argued. I knew I had to stand my ground on this or I would regret it.

“And if I had not been here tonight, what would he have done? He knows you travel alone. What is there to stop him from attempting to do worse the next chance that he gets? You said it yourself, there could be a next time so what incentive does that give me to let him li—“

“Because he’ll be walking with a permanent limp if he ever acts like he’s about to put his hands on me again. Loki…don’t worry about me… I’m more resilient than I look. Just forget I said anything in the first place, ok?” I pleaded. 

“Do not ask me to forget this—“

I struggled to keep my voice even, desperately trying to seem like I wasn’t on the verge of tears. “Well I want to! I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’ve been trying to put this behind me for the last couple days so please **please** …let’s talk about _anything_ else?” I shouted. 

Loki still looked furious. It wasn’t like anything about this situation was going to change between now and the time we arrived at my building. If he really cared about me he would drop the issue. “Do you like flowers?” His tone was harsh with an agitation 

“What?”

“Cut flowers. Do you like them?” I could still hear him grappling with the anger in his voice, trying to conquer it yet failing spectacularly. 

I felt my expression twist with confusion so I looked at him, “Like roses?” 

“Yes. Roses, lilies, orchids…do you like them?” 

“They’re ok—“

“Do you want any?” He asked sharply.

“Um…no? I mean…thanks but no thanks. I’ve never really seen the point of them.” I replied. If that was what it took for him to reclaim control of his temper, aggressively offering me flowers, it was far better than him going off and beating Ryle to death.

“Why do you say that?”

“They’re beautiful but isn’t it a bit cruel to cut something so pretty off it's stem just to watch it whither and die.” I explained. 

“I never considered that.” He mentioned, having found a little more control over his temper now. Loki still looked like a pacing predator in the night, with only a loose grasp on his impulses. Nevertheless, progress was progress.

“Why do you ask?”

“I was going to bring you flowers. I thought you might like them.” Loki answered.

Even now, with so many complicated emotions swirling in me, I felt myself smile for the first time today. This one little ray of sunshine warmed my heart. “That’s really sweet. I appreciate the thought.” I told him. I turned to look at him and I saw his jaw clenching. Beneath the surface he was still livid. When I looked close enough, I could almost watch the thoughts dancing in his eyes. I didn’t have to be in his head to see that they weren’t very nice thoughts. 

“Next time you see some pretty flowers you can bring me a bunch in some dirt, ok? I’ll keep them alive for as long as I can. I even have a nice flowerpot that I they could go in.” I continued, doing my best to distract him. Loki didn’t say anything else and the rest of our trip was in silence. Mentioning the flowers must have been all that he could think of to keep from returning to the previous argument. 

With nothing left to offer, I accepted this wordless exchange. This wasn’t how I’d imagined my day ending, with Loki escorting me home. However, being with him was the only good thing to happen to me today. We didn’t need to speak for me to enjoy our time together. Especially right now when I needed company more than conversation. When we came to my building, I locked my bike to the rack and found myself frozen there. One moment I was holding everything together and then the next, I was teetering on the edge of collapse. I neither moved to go to the door nor did I look up at him. 

After I’d stood there in pitiful silence, Loki sought to comfort me, “Are you all right?” I could feel it in his voice that he already knew the answer. I wasn’t ok and we both knew I was going to pretend to be. The only question was whether I would try to blame it on my pride for not wanting to admit defeat or the reality that I couldn’t afford to _not be ok_.

“What must you attend to this evening?” His tone had become gentle, as if he had been able to perceive how fragile I’d just become. 

I had to dig deep to find my voice before I could answer him. “I have to walk Kat and then fix dinner.” Just saying it made me feel even more exhausted. All that I had to eat was a little bit of the leftovers I’d gotten when I went with Ryle. Not only was I sick of that food, I didn’t want the reminder of the other night. 

“Let’s walk her on the way to get something to eat. You can kill two birds with one stone.” Loki suggested. 

Immediately I shook my head, “You know she hates you.” I protested. 

“You let me worry about that. I’ll wait for you to get her.” 

Against my better judgment, I accepted his offer and went upstairs to get Kat. I had no idea what I’d do if she lunged at him again. If she did go after him, it wasn’t Loki that I feared for. I worried what would happen to Kat. What _I_ would do to her out of reflex? Like always, she bounded to the door greet me and I fastened her leash. Before we left I put my purse on the counter so that I could have an excuse for not paying, even though I knew Loki would offer anyway.

“I need you to be nice to Loki ok?” I explained as we entered the lobby but Kat didn’t pay me any attention. She pulling on her leash impatiently trying to get outside. I opened the door and she surged ahead of me. When Kat saw Loki she stopped, eyeing him suspiciously. After a brief pause she edged towards him, giving him a few cautious sniffs. I let her explore, hoping that she wouldn’t turn on him this time. Loki ignored her altogether, gesturing for me to follow his lead. Then Kat lost interest, roaming away from the building in her eagerness to to get going. 

Just as a precaution, I still made sure to keep myself between them. While we walked, I anxiously waited for something to go wrong, the way things usually did around me. I had no idea what to expect from her anymore, not after the other night. Though much to my surprise, nothing out of the ordinary happened. As we came the end of the block Loki's hand slip into mine. “I thought she would try to tear you to shreds.” I mentioned, glancing down at Kat. She was behaving the way she always did on her walks, weaving back and forth across the sidewalk ahead of me or investigating interesting smells. 

“I had a hunch.” Loki countered, smirking as though he knew something I didn’t. 

“Well I’m glad your hunch was right.” I leaned my head against his shoulder and I let Loki guide me to our destination.

It was nice to not have to do the deciding for once. I never realized how much I needed to let go and not have to make all the choices, all the time. Almost out of nowhere I felt something new, a kind of comfort that had nothing to do with how smitten I already was with Loki. I had always believed that feeling so at ease with anyone would take longer or require so much more effort than this had. It was a deeper attraction had taken root in my chest. “You’re not secretly married or something are you?” I asked as soon as the thought came to mind. I was trying to distract myself so I went with it.

“Why would you ask about that?” Loki asked, turning to me with sincere interest. 

“It’d be just my luck, that’s why. Here I am…roaming around with you at all hours of the night and getting frisky on occasion. I’d just hate to find out later that I’ve been a sleazy home wrecker the whole time. That’s all I’m getting at. Now stop dodging and answer my question.” 

“No, I’m not secretly married. You have nothing to fear.” Loki assured me. 

“Any crazy ex’s? I’m not going to find my tires slashed in the near future am I?” 

Loki smiled, “Nope, no ex’s that would ever cross your path. Does that satisfy you?” 

“I guess. I’ve decided I'm going to start on a drama free diet after this week. I just wanted to make sure you’d still fit the bill.” 

We came to one of the Thai restaurants that I ordered from a lot. “I saw their menu on your counter the other night. I assumed you enjoyed this.” He mentioned as we started back home. 

“You’re observant. I didn’t think you had the chance to notice anything as fast as you made your moves on me.” I teased. 

“I notice everything. Maybe one of these days finally I’ll get that drink.” Loki added.

“The offer is still on the table…if you have time tonight or some other night.” 

Loki chuckled, “You didn’t think I was going to force you to dine alone did you?” I felt my cheeks warm with a trepid blush and suddenly I was glad that he couldn’t see me all that well in the dark. 

I already knew that I would get my usual. Loki eventually decided to get the same thing as me. I waited outside with Kat while he ordered. Not long after he returned with our food and we headed back to my place. When we got inside, I directed Loki to the cabinet with the plates while I put a few scoops of kibble in Kat's bowl. I washed up, I got a pair of glasses down from the cabinet and took the chilled bottle from the freezer. “Ice?” I asked, turning back to Loki. He nodded and I notice he hadn’t put very food much on his plate. 

My embarrassment made my stomach churn. He’d figured out my dilemma. _After all, he notices everything._ I already knew Loki planned on leaving the rest of his food here with me without mention. I'd been too caught in my head to realize until now that this was his plan all along. Instead of letting my discontent fester until I couldn’t look at him without feeling ashamed, I took a gulp of my drink and joined him on the sofa. 

“I see why you frequent this place.” Loki mentioned as he took a bite of the curry.

“I know. Everything they make is great. Sometimes Kat breaks into the fridge and helps herself to some when I don’t get home to feed her fast enough.” I chuckled. 

“She could use some training.” Loki muttered, watching Kat came to sit on the floor beside me. She gave me those big eyes, shamelessly begging for some of my food. 

“I know. We’re getting there. I tried kennel training with her but the neighbors complained about all her screaming, so then it was back to the drawing board. Like I said before…she’s more trouble than she’s worth. Isn’t that right Kat?” I pet her before giving her a tiny piece of meat anyway.

“You’re her enabler.” He pointed out. 

I nodded, “Old dog, new tricks…it goes for both of us.” When Kat was sick of me petting her she meandered away and then inspiration struck. She circled the coffee table and snagged one of Loki’s spring rolls. “No Kat! That’s not for you.” When Loki reacted to guard his food she growled at him then scampered off to enjoy her stolen snack. I sighed, watching her run and hide in my bedroom. “Sorry about that. She’s just being a brat now. Kat knows exactly what she’s doing, that’s why she bolted.” 

I didn’t have the energy to fight anymore tonight so I leaned against Loki, hoping that I could steal some of his strength by osmosis. Loki stroked my arm, kissing the top of my head. “Perhaps I shouldn’t ask for too much all at once. The three of us have been in the same vicinity all night without incident. That is progress.” He conceded. The tension from the last few days began to unravel while I rested here in his embrace. I just wanted to crawl in bed and sleep. Loki pulled my legs over his lap and tucked my head under his chin. I lost track of how long he held me like this, not that I was complaining. I felt safe, physically and emotionally. That was something I only ever experienced when I was with him. 

I knew that this had to end sooner or later sooner or later. It was better that I bring our night to a close on my own terms. I needed to maintain that small amount of control. “It’s really late. I should let you leave. You probably have to get up early tomorrow anyway.” I murmured, trying to convince myself to let him go. I wished that I wanted Loki to stay here with me tonight but I knew I still needed some space. 

“Don’t worry about that. I don’t require very much sleep.” Loki mentioned as he began to put a little space between us.

“I like it when you’re here.” I confessed. _Desperate much? Play it cool Ele._ Of course I couldn’t look at him after I’d slipped up and said something like that. _Clingy doesn't look good on you. Get yourself together._

Loki smiled, amused by my bashfulness. “I like being here with you too dove.” I didn’t want him to go but it was for the best. I hadn’t been quite myself since the other night. Something that had lain dormant in me had been unearthed, a painful something that I wished I could bury once and for all. “Are you sure there’s nothing more that I can do for you before I go?” Loki asked me. He could see the conflict in my eyes I think. 

“Yeah, it’s just been a shitty week. I’m much better now though, thanks to you.” I answered. 

“And you're certain you don't want me to catch that vile prick in a darkened alley?” Loki asked. I wished that he were kidding though his tone told me that he was serious. All I would have to do is give the word and I had no doubt that Ryle would "disappear". Still, I knew that my blessing wasn’t a significant factor in his decision.

“No. He’s still nursing the injuries that I gave him. This isn’t your fight to win Loki. Don't let that asshole ruin both our lives.” I said quietly. 

Loki held my hand, sighing with discontent. “Then allow me to escort you home after work from this night forth? I need to know that you will make it away from that place unharmed.” Loki insisted. 

“And you think that you walking me home is going to stop him if he has his mind set to try something else? I don’t think he would wait until our shift ended.” I mentioned. 

“You aren’t convincing me to leave him intact.” Loki countered with a cold edge in his voice. 

“Loki, I can handle myself.” I said hugging him. It wasn’t meant as a comfort to him. I needed it more than he did. 

“Until this situation is resolved, will you at least allow me to accompany you home on the nights that you work late?” Loki asked. 

“Loki, I can’t ask you to do that. Sometimes I don’t get out of there until after 11:30 and you have to get up for work in the morning. That’s not fair.” I asked looking up at him. 

“I will rest better knowing that you’re safe.” He answered. 

I felt myself nod, “Don’t say I didn’t try to talk you out of it when you’re nodding off in the middle of the day.” I chuckled. 

“Then I will come get myself a cup of coffee and visit with you. I wouldn’t consider than an inconvenience.” Loki countered giving me a warm smile. His thumb stroked my cheek, briefly crossing over the scar there. I reflexively took his hand away, finding that I felt far too exposed when he focused on that. 

“I don’t think you know how much I needed this tonight.” I felt my expression falling. _Or how much I needed you._ Even that small dip in my mood couldn’t escape his notice. Loki kissed my forehead, bringing me closer into his embrace.

“Don’t hesitate to call me if you need _anything_ else, do you understand?” He urged. 

I smiled, “Yes sir.” Then I gave him what was meant to be brief kiss. Every time I tried to break away he would follow, closing those few inches to land another peck until I no longer resisted him. It felt right to be with him like this, like his touch could mend these unpleasant feeling I still grappled with. Reluctantly, he pulled away to prevent himself from pushing me beyond my limits. It was a good thing too, as I really had no idea where they lie. It would be an unpleasant round of Minesweeper for both of us.

“I will leave you for the night. Thanks for the drink.” He said against my lips. I gave him one last kiss before he was out of reach. 

“Fine, you win. I’ll call you the next time that I’m working late.” I said, watching as he opened the door. 

“Don’t wait that long.” He chuckled. 

“I won’t.” I watched Loki go through the door and instead of a crushing wave of emptiness in his absence, I felt ok. I knew that if I needed him he would come back to comfort me. Before now I’d never had anyone I could depend on like this. Since I’d been down here, I’d been on my own with no one that I could trust to be there for me. Yet here he was, promising to be my guardian angel or devil depending on the circumstances. 

The cynic in me wanted to believe that I shouldn’t trust him. I’d only known him for a few weeks. _That isn’t long enough to trust someone, is it?_ When I went to bed that night I thought of the way he held me. The tenderness in his embrace wasn’t something he would be able to fake, neither was the outrage that I’d seen in his eyes when I told him what had happened. I might have only known Loki for a little while but I could already see that he wasn’t the type to be this caring or gentle with just anyone. He genuinely wanted to protect me from my demons and the terrifying part, was that I wanted to let him. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Not _quite_ on time but better late than never right? I should really stop making specific promises. When I do, I always have every intention of following through and then the universe will throw every unforeseen obstacle my way. So thanks for being patient. 
> 
> I'm really going to try and pick up the pace to keep things moving along. I have so much planned that I've been holding in since the Dark Horse days and we're slowly...ever so slowly getting there. Another big thanks for continuing to read and putting up with this slow burn. Another chapter should be up soonish.


	14. Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and **smut**

For the first time in a long time, I lay here in my bed with no reason to leave it. I wasn’t due in for work today; not at Christa’s or the bike shop. A _real_ day off. I had forgotten what these felt like. For no particular reason, I turned over and my hand slid across to the space where Loki had once lain. Then I recognized a new feeling nestled in with the ones that I’d inventoried a thousand times. _I miss him._

It had been over a week since Loki spent the night. I had seen him the other evening but I hadn’t been myself enough to invite him up for more than just a drink. Though I’m sure that if I had been in my right mind, he would have stayed over that night too. Now I was entering a state similar to withdrawal. As far as I could tell, Loki didn’t seem to be bored with me yet. Maybe I should invited him over. After all, it wasn’t often that I got a day off like this. _Why waste it?_

I reached for my phone on the nightstand to check the time. It was just after ten, so there was plenty of the day left to burn. I debated for a second before going to his contact in my phone. Loki only let it ring twice before he answered. “Hey.” I said, more cheerily that I’d intended. _Smooth Ele._

“Good morning. To what do I owe this pleasure?” Loki asked. I could hear that satisfied smirk on his lips. Just imagining that look made me smile. More than anything else it made me want to press my “smile” to his. 

“I was thinking about you.” I answered, turning onto my back to look up at the ceiling. I heard him chuckle at my admission. 

“Were you now? Would you care to share your musings?” He asked. His voice dropped lower, taking on a huskier tone that never failed to get me hot and bothered. 

“I’d rather show you than tell you. Believe me, I think about you _that_ way all the time.” I abruptly stopped myself from saying more. _Where did that just come from!?_ Now I was sure my face was noticeably red, something that wasn’t that easy for me to achieve, and he wasn’t even here. “I uh…hadn’t intended to lead with that—at all. I just called to tell you I have the whole day off. If you’re not busy or anything I wondered if you might want to come over and waste some time with me? Or we could go out someplace. I don’t have any plans so I’m open to suggestions.” I offered, struggling to find the right words. 

“Sharing my time with you would hardly count as a waste.” Loki chided. 

“You know what I mean. We can find something to do. Anything would be better than me laying here wishing you were—“ I caught myself again, refusing to finish that statement. _Anything’s better than lying here wishing that you were with me, on top of me, inside me, or…all of the above._

“Wishing that I were what?” Loki inquired. Of course he couldn’t let me be bashful.

“Wishing that you weren’t so far away.” I answered. _That’s a safe answer right?_ Loki was usually the one that was always this heavy handed. I had always tried to take this slow. What terrified me was how fast I was catching up with him. Before I worried that he wouldn’t feel the same way I felt about him. Now I feared that he _would_ and that things between us would move faster than I was prepared to handle. 

“If you ever wish for me to be at your side all you have to do is tell me.” Loki replied. Now I wished he were here even more. 

“Come over?” I asked. 

“On my way—“ 

“Not too fast. I need to make myself presentable.” I interjected. I sat up in bed in a panic.

“Alright. Is an hour enough time?” 

“It should be. I don’t think I’m that unsightly.” I chuckle. 

“I’ll see you in an hour. Don’t keep me waiting.” He jested. 

“See you when you get here.” I hung up and rushing to the bathroom to start the shower. _These leg pricklies have got to go._ While I applied a generous layer of cream on my legs, Kat wondered into the bedroom to see what I was up to. She stopped at the doorway with a slightly judgmental glint in her eyes, watching me work with a leg hiked up on the sink. “Don’t look at me like that. I’ve seen you lick all kinds of places.” I knelt to her level and turned her nuzzle too look at me.

“You are going to be nice to Loki today. I don’t mind if you talk to him but no attitude, no biting, and no growling or you don’t get chewies for a month.” I said to her. She didn’t want to look at me, each time I tried to turn her back to face me she’d pull away. Kat grumbled something as she left. Apathy was better than aggression as far as I her be and took my shower. 

When I got out I searched through my drawers for a fresh set of sexy panties. I was determined that I would get some use out of them. I also planned to get my money’s worth out of that brand new box of condoms that I’d picked up. After that nightmare on our the first night, I wasn’t taking any chances.

I turned in the mirror, finding that I liked what I saw. It felt like an eternity since I cared this much about how I looked. For as long as I could remember, before the blank spots at least, I wore cloths for utility and not fashion. Underwear were even less of a concern for me. It wasn’t that I didn’t care at all; I just didn’t give much credence to anyone else’s opinion. _That’s just one more thing he’ll take with him when he leaves. After he sees how crazy you are he will abandon you just like everyone always does._ I sighed and willed myself to push those worries away. _I am going to have a good time with him. This **isn’t** happening today!_ The intrusive thoughts scurried for cover, cowering someplace quiet in the recesses of my mind. For now at least, _I_ was the master of my mood.

I gave my hair a good brushing to get out the tangles and once I’d pulled the thick curls back into a hair tie, I look in the mirror. _Something is missing._ I’d forgotten to put my earrings back in after my shower. Little silver posts and on a whim the cartilage cuffs that I hadn’t worn in ages. Now I felt confident with my appearance. Almost on cue, Loki called.

“I’m downstairs.” 

“Let yourself in when you hear the door unlock.” I replied, hurrying to buzz him in. While I still had a few seconds, I checked myself in the mirror one last time. I looked relaxed enough for this to be my day off but not so much that it looked like I intended to spend it alone. Loki knocked on the door and I skipped over let him in. 

“Hey.” I said giving him a quick hug. Loki kissed the top of my head and let me lead him inside. “Is it hot out already? You feel like you just stepped out of an oven.” I noticed he wasn’t wearing that damn jacket today. _Apparently he can get hot._ He sat down on the sofa and sighed a deep sigh of relief, now that he was in the AC.

“Yes. It’s miserable out there today.” Loki answered. 

“I’ll get you something cold to drink. Why were you outside for so long?” I asked, going to the kitchen to get him some ice water. 

“I had to get here somehow. The sun was as oppressive as usual.” Loki mentioned. 

“You didn’t drive?”

Loki shook his head, “No.” I handed him the cup and watched him gulp down half of it in a couple swallows. 

“Do you have a license or did you just not get around to changing yours over when you came over here?” I asked curiously. I sat on the sofa beside him, folding my legs under myself so that I could face him. 

“Neither. I never had a need for one.” Loki told me. 

“What about when you have to go places where the bus line doesn’t run? Public transit sucks around here if you haven’t noticed. What if you ever need to go someplace rural? You’re kind of fucked then aren’t you?”

“I usually find a way. Walking is always an option.” Loki chuckled. 

“Not really…you’ll be walking in the boiling sun for days. Look at you now, you barely made it an hour. I guess if it works for you than that’s your business.” I replied, choosing to back down from the subject. 

“It’s as inconvenient as you would think.” Loki laughed. 

“Have you ever thought about getting one?” I asked. 

Loki shook his head. “I didn’t see the point in going through all of that trouble. If for no other reason than my lacking a vehicle.” 

“I guess that’s a pretty good reason. I guess as long as you stay in the tourist district you should be fine. Almost everything is within walking or biking distance.”

“Why did you decide to live here, of all places? Its inhospitable.” Loki asked. For once he looked genuinely perplexed. 

“Is it not rainy enough for you? I’m only joking. It’s warm and the winters aren’t all that bad. Back home it was _nothing_ for us to get four or five feet of snow during the winter. When I first came down here it was supposed to be a solo vacation. I was going to get away for a week and find some rest and relaxation. Halfway through the trip I realized didn’t go back after just a week away. By the time the week was up, I just didn’t want to go home at all. I stayed another ten days to make up my mind. In the mean time Christa was hiring and then I signed the lease for this place. I had all my boxes checked before I went back home. If I’d waited and done it the other way around, they would have tried to talk me out of it. So to answer your question…I didn’t really put a lot of deciding into it. It just happened.” 

“Has it turned out the way you had hoped?” He asked. 

“Yes and no. Did I think I’d hate my job this much? Absolutely not. Though…there have been some perks.” I said with a faint smile.

“Such as?”

“I wouldn’t have gotten Kat and I…I probably _never_ would have met you.” I answered, feeling a coy blush creeping up my neck but I stopped it before I could embarrass myself in person this time.

“Nonsense. I would have found you. I would have scoured every corner of this realm for the next millennia if I had to.” It had been a while since he’d said something this unnerving. The intense looks of adoration had begun to loose their potency. It wasn't that they were any less flattering, I had just stopped feeling on edge. This harkened back to the days when just seeing him had into a nervous tailspin. 

Not knowing what to say after something like that, I decided an abrupt change of topic was imperative. “I’ve got cards, a few board games, a box of wine, and whatever we can find on tv. Does any of that sound interesting to you?” 

“It does.” Loki agreed. I shrugged and went back to my bedroom to dig my small collection of games from under my bed. 

“Why don’t you get comfortable? You don’t have to look like I’m holding you hostage. Kick off your shoes at least.” I placed the short stack of boxes on the end of the coffee table and then sat on the floor. Loki followed my lead, kicking off his shoes and finding a place on the carpet across from me. “I’ve got battle ship, poker with chips, Uno, scrabble, or we could just skip the games and kill that Chardonnay.” I laughed. _Or you could just start undressing me, that’s my favorite option._

He decided on Uno and I gave him a quick rundown of the rules. After a few rounds he was almost better than me. I was sure he was hoarding all the draw four cards somewhere, not that I could prove it. In retrospect, playing cards with Loki sounded like a recipe for questionable game play. 

“What are you afraid of?” I asked, looking at him. 

“At the moment?” Loki questioned. My inquiry seemed to puzzle him. 

“No, in general. I think it’s interesting when people have unusual fears. For example…I’m terrified of octopus. Their eyes are scary and they can fit their whole bodies through tiny holes, and their name isn’t even attractive. One of my friends is terrified of birds.” I chuckled. 

“Geese are aggressive creatures. You’re friend is right to fear them. To look at one you would assume that it’d be harmless.” 

“Loki, everyone knows that you don’t fuck with geese. To them you’re asking to get bitten at even if you’re minding your own business—“

“Which I was minding. It just came flapping out of the bushes, hissing and biting at me for no reason. I wasn’t even aware that birds hissed until then.”I couldn’t not laugh at that mental picture, Loki getting attacked by a goose. 

“Are you traumatized? Did that mean goose hurt you?” I asked.

“It sustained more severe injuries than I did. I don’t take kindly to being bitten without provocation.”

“You didn’t kill it did you?”

“No…actually I'm not sure. Somehow I doubt that is what you were looking for when you asked about obscure fears.” Loki chuckled. 

“Not really. I doubt that you’re terrified of geese.”

“I’m not terrified by anything, let alone one of those ugly bastards. I do have one ridiculous fear. You know tall staircases—“ 

“Like the ones out in the hall?” I asked a bit confused.

“No, grand staircases. They’re usually in front of buildings or in grandiose monuments. I don’t like walking down them. Going up is easy however coming back is nerve-wracking experience.” Loki confessed.

“You’re afraid of stairs?” I asked, stifling a laugh. I wasn’t laughing at him as much as I was laughing at how I had thought him incapable of being afraid of anything, let alone something so mundane.

“Not stairs, the thought of falling down them is what’s uninviting. I wouldn’t even call it a fear. It’s more of an aversion—“

“You know _denial_ isn’t just a river in Egypt.” I teased. 

“I am perfectly capable of descending stairs. I do it all the time out of necessity. That doesn’t mean that I have to enjoy it.” Loki insisted. 

“Fine…no need to get defensive. You’re not afraid of stairs.“ I laughed, putting down a few cards. Loki put down a slew of draw fours and reverse cards until he’d beaten me in one turn. _You were hoarding them._ For a moment I could only sit there in stunned silence, looking down at my hand where I’d collected more than half of the deck. Instead of admitting defeat I decided to change the subject. “I want cake.”

“Do you have any?”

I scoffed,“Of course not. That’s why I want it.” 

“Why not make some?” 

“I’m not good at baking, that’s why. My attempt at a cake would just end up being a big nasty cookie.” 

Loki thought for a moment, “Do you have the ingredients?”

“You know how to bake?” I asked, feeling my expression betray my surprise.

“Well enough to prepare a cake for you.” Loki mentioned. 

“Damn! You’re hot, have a delicious accent _and_ you can bake. You sir, are a fucking gold mine.” I declared. I climbed to my feet, took him by the hand and lead him into the kitchen. Loki started looking around while I sought out the cake flour and my only cake recipe from the cabinet. Once I found it, I handed it to him. Loki read over the instructions while I started to get the bowls and spoons.

He did most of the mixing and measuring and let me pitch in with the simple things, like breaking an egg or opening the milk. _I’m the best at opening things. Loki says so, therefore it is true._ I watched over his shoulder the whole time, trying my best to distract him or get in his way. It didn’t work very well but I had fun trying anyway. After the cake went in the oven, he started on the frosting. 

Loki was stirring the ingredients together. They became frothy and smooth but it still didn’t look like the picture on the recipe card. _Wonder if it tastes good?_ I looked over into the bowl then swiped some of the frothy sweet mixture from the side. “Have you no restraint?” He asked quietly. 

I was too busy licking my finger to answer him right away, “Nope, none.” I went to dip my finger in the frosting again and he cocked his head at me. Without meaning to I laughed. Loki caught my wrist when I went in for another swipe of frosting. 

“Were it left up to you, we wouldn’t have any left for the cake.” He scolded. 

I stared back at him, unfazed by his attempt to discourage me. “This one was for you.” I countered. I didn’t let him stop me and I brought my finger too his lips. Loki tried to keep his stare cold but I saw the corners of his mouth trying not to turn up in a smile. “I know you want to try some.” I teased, letting the tip of my finger graze his bottom lip. Without much persuasion he gave in and took the end of my finger into his mouth. I felt his tongue swiping the frosting off. None of that tasting required him to suck my finger this lewdly. 

My breath caught in my chest, frozen in shock at how delicious it felt to have him turn something as innocent as a quick taste in to _this_. Then he nipped me and I snatched my hand away from him. “You just bite me.” 

“Yes. I told you to stop tasting the frosting.” He muttered, returning to stirring without missing a beat. 

“ _You_ were tasting the frosting! “ I argued. 

Loki hummed mirthfully, “And I’m doing all the work, so I make the rules.” I scowled back at him, dipping my finger into the frosting again and swiping it across his cheek. _I don’t know what possessed me to do that._ The look of surprise lit his eyes and I knew I’d provoked something I couldn’t hope to match. I couldn’t stop the nervous laughter that bubbled from someplace innocent and nervous. 

“Clean it off.” He instructed. His voice wasn’t cold or demanding, but that was the unsettling part. Even though his tone hadn’t changed, I still knew it wasn’t a request. I swallowed thickly and went to swipe it away with my thumb when he caught me by the wrist. _Well how else am I supposed to get it off—oh._ I leaned towards him, uneasy with the conclusion that I’d drawn. I only hesitated for a second but the look in his eyes told me that I should, so I didn’t contemplate longer than that. 

My tongue lapped up the streak of sugary frosting from his cheek and I pulled away. His hand caught me around the small of my back and I felt my heart slam against my chest. Maybe that’s why I hadn’t noticed the little spatula in his other hand. “Really?” I challenged. The broad grin that spread across his face was answer enough for me. Loki painted a bold stripe over my lips, down my chin, and lower onto my neck. Once he reached my cleavage he tucked some between my breasts just for the hell of it. “Very mature Loki.” I instigated, having to lick my lips to speak without spraying frosting. 

“There will be nothing childish about this in a moment, I assure you.” Loki snickered. 

“Oh I bet it won’t.” I bit back sarcastically. He took pause to look over his handy work and by the look on his face, he seemed quite pleased with his work. Then Loki's fingers curled through my hair, pulling my head back to expose my throat to him. The action shut me up, as did the feeling of his lips on my throat. He sucked and kissed the tender skin on my neck and I felt myself grasping for anything I could reach for leverage. My breathing turned heavy the lower his mouth roamed. Loki chuckled and pushed me harder against the edge of the counter to keep me from squirming. 

Then he came up to kiss me and I could taste the delicious mixture of Loki and vanilla. Out of all of that I still cringed at how sticky we were going to be. I dipped my fingers into the bowl and nailed him across the throat with frosting. “Ele, do not start a battle you cannot hope to win.” He warned. 

“I don’t intend to win…I’m trying to see how badly I can lose.” I challenged, looking up at him. For the second time I found myself against this counter, taking his passionate kisses. Before long he had my shirt off and I his. I blindly reached behind me to find the shopping bag with the condoms and I offer him the box, doing my best not to break each tender kiss. Loki took me by surprise and lifted me into his arms then lay me across the kitchen table. He snatched off my pants and spread my legs, resting my heels at the edge. 

“I’m surprised that you held out for this long. With the way you were on the phone I would have though you would have mauled me at the door.” I chuckled, glancing between us to watch him put on one of the condoms that I’d given him. 

“I thought it might be in poor taste if I took you against the wall without so much as a hello or even a few minutes of pleasant conversation.” He answered. 

“Why don’t you try it sometime and see how it goes—“ Without warning he pushed into me, silencing me with his presence. One gentle thrust after another built until his pace was vigorous and he was fucking me hard. One of his hands grasped my hip and the other held onto the opposite shoulder, forcing me to accept his cock with each pounding thrust. 

Loki handled me deliberately, turning my hips to take his thrusts with more resistance. He knew what I wanted even before I had figured it out for myself. Then every now and again, Loki would lean forward to press his lips to mine, stealing what breath I’d been able to retain. 

_My fingers dug into his shoulder silently pleading for more than he was giving me, “Deeper.” I demanded. My command surprised me. It had come out before I knew what I was saying. Loki complied, driving into me with jarring force. Then I was lost in the sensations; uncaring of how wanton I must have looked, spread across the table like this._

Loki smiled, shamelessly enjoying the view. Soon I was writhing, my back arching taut as my climax sped towards me. I couldn’t delay it or fight it off and when it sparked through me my body trembled, robbing me of all voluntary control over myself. All that I could think of was how good this felt as he made me confront each wave of mind altering bliss. I watched as his expression scrunched, awash with euphoria. The awkward yet satisfied look over took his face as he groaned with his release. We remained joined at the hips, still too subdued to speak. 

Then I looked at the mess that we’d made. There was frosting smeared all over his chest and even some in his hair. I had no idea how it had gotten all the way up there. I hadn't faired any better considering my front was as covered with the sugary goo too. My laughter broke the silence. “I blame you for this.” Loki stated, leaning lower to steal another quick kiss. “What are we going to use for the cake now?” 

“I guess we just won’t have any frosting on it. I don’t mind. We put it to good use elsewhere.” I mentioned, wiping a dollop from his hair. On impulse I slapped my hand against his chest and pealed my hand away slowly, watching the sticky filaments stretching between our skins. 

“Is there a reason you hit me?” He asked, his voice carried no hints of animosity. 

“We’re really sticky.” I answered looking up at him. 

Loki distracted me with another passionate kiss, pulling me to his front so that he lifted me by my waist. Now I was standing but not under my own strength, “But you taste magnificent.” 

I squirmed in his arms, giggling when he moved lower to trail kisses all over my throat. “Loki stop.” I managed between fits of laughter. He let me down onto the floor and I led him back to my bedroom. I left him by the bed while I went to start the shower. 

When I was reaching to the top of the linen closet for another towel, I felt his arms come around my middle. “Am I helping you to waste time effectively?” Loki asked before nuzzling the side of my neck. 

_I smirked and decided to echo his words to me. “Sharing my time with you would hardly count as a waste.” I pulled away from him and shook my head, hating how sappy I was becoming. Loki stepped into the shower first, offering his hand to me when I joined him. Soon though his gentlemanly charm fell by the wayside as his hands began to explore all the softer parts of me._

“Can’t you focus for more than thirty seconds? We’re still disgustingly sticky.” I said to him. 

“No. You don’t know how long I’ve waited to be able to touch you this way—for you to want me to touch you this way.” He whispered, running his hand down the small of my back until he could squeeze and cup my cheeks. Still Loki looked worried that I was about to scurry away from him. I suppose it was a valid concern given my track record, but I wasn’t going to run this time. I hooked my arm over his shoulder and let him hold me closer. 

“Loki, relax. I don’t plan on turning you away anytime soon. You can have as much of me as you want. Don’t be so serious all the time.” I told him. It wasn’t that I didn’t like how he looked at me. The reality was that I hardly knew him. We’d only just started seeing each other without cloths on and when he looked at me like _that_ , it made me nervous. Was this what establishing every new relationship was like? I hadn’t had very much experience with them. Maybe he was only doing what everyone else did when they were in the throws of a budding romance. 

We’d been on two real dates, whatever the hell the other night was, and whatever this could be called. _When does this become something with a title?_ “Are you fearful of my affections? Of me?” Loki asked. His voice was quieter than usual. I looked away for a moment to think. As uncomfortable as he had made me from the start, I had come to accept that as a part of him. He was just forward with his intentions and I just wasn’t used to that. It wasn’t something that I wanted to change. It was something I was getting used to. 

“No, but I do need you to take it down a thousand. We don’t have to treat every time that we hang out like some big to do. It’s exhausting for me.” 

“Isn’t that the premise of courtship?” 

“Courtship? Let’s start with being friends who also like to have great sex from time to time. We can only work up from there right?” I explained. Now I was finding that this topic made skittish. When I started to get skittish, I had a habit of saying anything to make my nervousness stop and it usually didn't coincide with what I really felt or thought. 

“You don’t want to court me?” Loki asked confused. 

“That’s not what I was trying to say. I _want_ to keep seeing you like this but I can’t rush into calling it something…I can’t call this more than what it is and I don’t know what it is. None of that’s a reflection on you. I just need to take it a little slower than this. I have no plans for seeing anyone else or…being intimate with anyone aside from you. We can just let this be what it will be without slapping a label on it right away.” I said with some hesitation.

When I finally could put my thoughts into words, it felt so inadequate, like what I was asking for was far less than what he wanted. It _was_ far less than what I wanted, but it was the best that I could to give. Furthermore, I had to be honest with myself first and foremost. I wasn’t at a place in my life where I could throw caution to the wind and let myself fall head over heels in love him. If it all fell apart, I didn’t know that I would have the strength to put myself back together again. That wasn't something I could easily persuade myself to risk after all that I'd already been through. 

“At its core, that is the intention of courtship I suppose.” He conceded. Loki still didn’t seem to be fully sold on the idea. I could see him trying to come to terms with it in his mind. It was hard for me to tell if he was disappointed or just thinking. 

“You don’t like that, do you?” I asked with some hesitation. 

“That is not it at all. I have been trying to court you in the way that is customary in your real—society. There just happens to be some difference in my understanding and your expectations.” He answered. 

I tried to relax in his arms, “First of all, we don’t need to call it courting. That term is pretty antiquated and too rigid for me. And for your information, I don’t have any expectations. You don’t get as disappointed that way.” 

“I’d never disappoint you.” Loki corrected. 

I chuckled to myself and decided to pour some shampoo into my hand. “I would hope not.” There was certainly more to this conversation to be had but now wasn’t the time. Promising to be exclusive was a big enough step for me today. 

I started to lather his hair to distract myself. My fingers massaged his scalp and I found that I liked the contented face he made when I did this. It was just as enjoyable for me. It felt good to run my fingers through his hair and I finally got to live out that little fantasy I’d conjured the first time I saw him. Soon though it became a little less sensual when I gave him a mohawk. My inner child couldn’t resist the temptation. It was then that Loki pushed my hands away to rinse. At first I was disappointed, then I remembered that the rest of him needed to rinse, lather, and repeat. 

I stepped closer and started washing his chest. Loki didn’t stop me this time, standing there as I scrubbed away the sticky remnants of frosting. Then I gradually moved lower. I hadn’t touched him down there before, even though I really wanted to. Each time that I’d tried he had swatted my hand away. In his defense I always picked a moment where my actions would make him finish sooner than he would have liked. Right now thought, I sensed no danger. 

I took him in my hand and he tensed, not out of discomfort but the exact opposite. “How do you like it?” I asked him. Instead of speaking he put his hand over mine, tightening my grasp around his manhood. With that, Loki let my hand go, effectively giving his approval for the gesture of intimacy. I worked my hand up and down him. My actions were slow at first both because I was nervous and because I was afraid that I’d hurt him. Loki easily read my hesitation and covered my hand with his again, showing me how to stroke him. His way was much harder than what I had done. 

I took more control now, mimicking the action that he had demonstrated. Loki braced himself against the wall with an arm over my shoulder. We were so close that his forehead almost touched mine. I continued to stroke him and now he’d become fully firm in my hand. “Is this good?” I asked looking up at him. 

“Yes.” He chuckled before kissing my lips. Loki busies himself with the body wash, taking some in the palm of his hand then proceeding to smear it over my breasts until they became slippery and easy for him to play with. Soon I was getting a thrill out of listening to the way that he sighed or gasped when I did different things. Every now and again he’d pinch my tautened nipples, leaving me with my own smoldering embers of pleasure. 

Loki groaned against the shell of my ear, and then I felt his seed spurting across my front. Secretly, I was proud of myself for being able to bring him release this way. He’d come because of what I’d done and that was a sense gratification that I didn’t often experience. Loki shifted aside so that the water would wash away his mess. We washed then stepped out of the shower. I gave him his towel and I took mine on the way into the bedroom to dry off. 

Kat had taken shelter my room, wedging herself as far under the bed as she could go. She still hadn’t learned that she was too big to fit into her puppy sized hiding places anymore. Thunderstorms and bath time always sent her under there. Now I could add my sexytime with Loki to the list of things she couldn’t cope with. 

When Loki entered the bedroom she scampered off to find a new place to hide. Instead of aggression, she chose avoidance. I just chuckled. He didn’t seem to know what I had found amusing but then again he didn’t really care. As long as I was smiling Loki was happy. “You should put your cloths in the washer. You don’t want to have to wear that mess later.” I said to him. I turned to go and throw in a quick load but he caught me around the waist and pulled me back to him. 

“I don’t need cloths.” Loki insisted. He held me flush against his front and I could feel all of him pressing to me. I didn’t want him to need cloths either. I just wanted stay naked like this for the rest of the day. Then I realized that sooner or later, he would have to put cloths on to leave. And the thought of him leaving after we’d shared such a wonderful time made my insides curdle. 

I didn’t want him to leave. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d felt this good for this long. His presence calmed me and made me feel all right when I knew I wasn’t. _How can I let him go after this?_ I wasn’t worried about any of the things that I usually spent my time worrying over. None of that was important because Loki was right there beside me. 

I pushed him off balance and Loki fell backwards onto the bed. He allowed me to crawl astride him, never trying to stop me or impose his intentions over mine. Instead he let me trail nibbling kisses along his jawline until I reached his mouth. “You don’t have to leave tonight if you don’t want to. You could stay with me.” I offered. I was nervous that he would tell me that he had other plans. No matter how much I tried to be confident I was still fearful of embarrassing myself with him. 

“I would like that.” Loki smiled. He pulled me back down to kiss him, then turned me over onto my back so that he was on top. “When did you get these?” Loki asked, gently toying the cuff in my cartilage piercing. 

“I decided to start wearing them again before they needed to be redone. You don’t like ‘em?” 

“Its very…you. As long as you are happy with it, what I think of them isn’t very important.” He offered. 

“People say that when they don’t like something. I’m not going to stop wearing it so it’s not going to hurt me any if you tell me the truth.” I laughed. 

“If you like them that is enough for me.” Loki kissed my neck until my giggles faded into sighs. Even though I knew he was trying to distract me, I didn’t care. 

Loki pulled my thighs on either side of his hips. “You’re insatiable.” I murmured. I could feel him chuckling when he kissed me so tenderly it almost hurt. 

“You haven’t the faintest idea dove.” He whispered against my lips. Loki pulled away and stood, leaving me on the bed breathless and needy. My body already wanted him to have his way with me again. Without even realizing it my hands were roaming his body taking inventory of every turn and swell of his muscles. Then I found myself pulling him lower to kiss me again. This time when he made love to me it wasn't the same frantic pursuit of release. It was tender and passionate, everything that our previous rendezvouses had lacked. 

While we lay there in the afterglow, I realized that even if I hadn’t taken the leap today by called us and “us,” there was no way that I’d escape this without getting hurt. It would be just painful for me as it would be if we were official. That realization wasn’t inherently terrifying. There was so much about me that he still hadn’t seen, so much that I never wanted him to. It was the fear of losing moments like this, where he made love to me until I was near to tears because it felt so good. So I resolved to keep it to myself for as long as I was able, and savor these moments when he'd whisper sweet nothings to me. I'd let his tenderness chase away my demons until they inevitable caught up to us both. 

To be continued… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I know, I know...late again. Shit's been rough on my end. I've tried updating alongside multiple term papers before and they all usually suffer in quality. This time I decided to divide and conquer. On the bright side, this one was a little longer than usual, so there is that. Just an fyi, the next chapter could be a little late as well. Not saying it **will** but if it is I warned you. After that updates should resume their usual pace. Thanks for bearing with me and as always I'm working hard to get the next one up for you soon!  <3


	15. Snooze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and some **smut**.

My alarm went off and the vibrations sent my phone on a slow migration across my nightstand. I buried my head beneath the pillows, trying everything I could to escape the noise. _It’s morning already?_ Just that fast my carefree lazy-Sunday had come to an end. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t drown out my alarm with pillows. Then I felt Loki shift behind me, attempting to do the same thing I had just done. Neither of us were having any luck on that front.

Soon though Loki began to gain consciousness. Without knowing that I was already half awake, he nudge me a couple times until I gave him a shove of my own. “Then silence it.” He countered, putting an abrupt end to our wordless bickering. I tapped the screen and bought another eight minutes of quiet. In the interim I snuggled into his embrace and my drowsiness won me over. I was all too warm and cozy as his little spoon to stay awake. In no time at all we were both sleeping soundly, having picked up where we’d left off not five minutes ago.

When my alarm went off again, I wanted to cry and throw a fit. Not only was this breaking my slumber it also meant I had to pull myself away from him. Out of stubbornness, I tried to ignore it and let it buzz for a while. I wondered if it would be quiet enough to sleep once it fell off the end and tumbled under the bed. I didn’t have time to snooze it again. If I did I’d be late for sure and Christa only needed half of an excuse to fire me. So I gave in to reason and silenced it for the last time. By this point we were both fully awake and now I faced a new dilemma. I didn’t want to get up. 

The longer I laid here in protest, the harder it would be for me to pull myself out of his arms. I didn’t want to leave this bed for anything, especially to go to that miserable place. I was only putting off the inevitable, so I went to drag myself up for the day. Loki’s arms tightened around me, holding me against him. “Loki I have to get ready for work.” 

“Trust me, I’m aware of the time dove.” He whispered. Loki kissed the column of my neck and his hand pulled my hips back against his. 

“What are you doing?” I asked with a chuckle. 

“What time will you finish with work today?” He asked me. I heard the sheets rustle and then I felt his hand slipping down the slope of my hipbone until his fingertips brushed over the fabric of my panties. 

“Two.” I answered. 

“When will you take your break?” He inquired, by now I had figured out that he was only asking questions to buy time as his fingers pressed against the soft flesh between my thighs. 

“Eleven. I’m taking my lunch so if you plan to join me you should keep that in mind.” 

“I would settle for a taste of you instead.” I sucked in a breath when he slipped his hand into my panties. His fingers to circle my clit, robbing me of coherent thought for a split second. 

“Loki, we’ve already been over that—“

“Then you should know my tastes have not changed.” He chuckled. I squirmed under his touch and he shushed me with a gentle kiss behind my ear. 

“I’m going to be late if you keep this up.” I retorted, after I managed to find my voice. 

“I wouldn’t allow that. A few minutes…that’s all I am asking. You deserve for your day to begin with a little pleasure.” He muttered against my ear. 

“That’s sounds a lot like what you said last night or was that this morning too?” I asked with a breathy laugh. His fingers nimbly massaged my softer parts, coaxing me into arousal. Not that it was difficult considering I could get hot and bothered by a stiff breeze if he was anywhere nearby. 

Loki chuckled, “Yes. The way I remember it, you only needed a few minutes each of those times as well.” Loki nipped my ear lobe, moving lower to press lingering kisses near my collarbone. Throughout the night he had done just this, coaxing me into accepting his intimacy. 

I usually hated being woken up before the break of dawn, though for some reason I didn’t seem to mind when he’d rouse me with tender kisses. Loki never took the liberty of touching me first. He always nudged me into relative awareness before letting his intentions manifest into actions. _Though to be honest, I don’t think I would have minded waking up with his fingers between my legs._

After each romp I slept deeper and harder. I don’t believe that Loki ever grew tired of these intermittent late-night trysts. I think I just reached a point where I was too tired and too far-gone for him to wake me so easily. 

My hand clenched in the covers and my breathing quickened. Even though this wasn’t quite sex, it sure felt ten times better than what I could do for myself. _And I’ve been known to get creative._ Yet somehow, something this simple and gentle was better than all of my innovative tricks and gadgets combined. I could feel the growing evidence of his arousal against me so I press back against him, turning my hips to cause some friction between us. Loki reciprocated, grinding harder against me almost in with the rhythm of his fingers. 

He kissed along the side of my neck and I was totally enveloped by him. The closer I got to my peak the more desperate for contact I became. My hand overlapped his and I clutched his hand tightly, trying my best to force him into massaging me harder. I couldn’t keep quiet anymore, my heavy breaths turned to audible sighs mingling with moans of pleasure. All this served to do was encourage him to continue until I was on the brink of climax. As I tumbled over the edge I remember thinking of how I wished every morning could begin this way. 

When the last throbbing wave my orgasm abated, I turned over to face him and he pulled my leg over his hip so that we were intertwined. He kissed me, letting his hands bring me closer against him. Just when I thought he was about to throw me back onto the bed and relentlessly have his way with me, I felt him begin to pull away. Something close to disappointment began to brew. All I wanted was to stay with him here and I knew that I couldn’t. Even when I tried to break his resolve by pressing our clothed sexes together Loki was able to maintain control over his impulses. 

I wanted desperately to give him any reason at all to keep me from going, to force me to go against what I knew I had to do. I don’t know why I’d intentionally try to sabotage myself. Maybe it was just how vehemently I didn’t want to go or some masochistic part of me that got a thrill out of making things harder for myself. It certainly wasn’t worth it yet the forbidden nature tempted me anyway. 

“It’s been more than a few minutes.” Loki mentioned after rebuffing my pestering. 

“I know. I can’t just leave you like this.” I argued anxiously. 

“Don’t worry about that. Right now you have duties to attend to…and assuring that I’ve reached some form of release is not one of them. I’m certain I can remedy this without difficulty.” Loki whispered. 

“What if I wanted to help you with that?”

He chuckled at my question, brushing my hair out of my face. “You will. Just the thought of you is enough.” I hid my face under his chin; fighting back the stupid giggle I was prone to when he said things like this to me. “Get up. I’ve caused you late once before and I don’t intend to make a habit of it.”

“You’re too much of a role model sometimes, you know that?” I protested. I pulled myself away from him and took a reticent peak at my phone to check the time. I still had enough time to wash up and get to work on time if I hurried. 

“I’ve never been accused of that before.” Loki laughed. 

“I have some idea why.” I teased. For a few minutes Loki watched me moving around the room, gathering my work cloths and getting ready. Besides enjoying the view of a topless woman roaming around her bedroom, he did his best to stay out of my way. It wasn’t hard to guess why. My room was small. There was only enough room for one person to move around and even then it felt a bit claustrophobic. I got in the shower never bothering to invite him. Loki would just have to shower later because there was no way I could focus if I had let him join me. Halfway through washing, I called out to him and asked if he would feed Kat for me. _That should shave off a few extra minutes._

Once I was done in the bathroom, I came out to find Loki already dressed and gathering his things. Even from here I could hear Kat wolfing down her food. _She has no class._ “Did she give you any trouble?” I asked him while I was drying off. 

Loki kissed my cheek, “No more than usual.” I continued to get ready and Loki took advantage of this and went into the bathroom. When he reemerged, I was dressed and fussing over my hair. Today was going to be one of those days where nothing I did was going to get it to cooperate. “You’re gorgeous. Now get to work.” He whispered as he came behind me. 

“I don’t have to take this from you.” I teased, turning to confront him. 

Loki flashed an amused smile before handing me my purse. “You have fifteen minutes. Don’t waste them posturing.” Without another word I took my bag form him and we left for the day. Once we got downstairs we went our separate ways. 

Christa was already on a rampage when I arrived. Thankfully this time she was digging into Alex for being careless. It had been a while since we were scheduled together, not that I was complaining before. He was dead weight, weight that I always ended up carrying. 

While I was putting my things in my locker I glanced over the schedule, noticing that Ryle was supposed to be in this morning. I didn’t care one way or another what he had going on, considering the last time I’d seen him he was harassing me with his taunting stares and snide comments. But now that I started to think about it, Ryle hadn’t been in to work his shifts through the end of last week either. I wasn’t technically the last person to see him but if anyone were to go poking around for evidence, I feared that they might find something that proved I’d been with him the other night. 

I kept this worry to myself and went about my morning duties. Whenever Alex royally fucked up, I made sure that I was out of Christa’s warpath. A couple hours after opening Christa put Alex on duty in the back and took his place behind the counter with me. There was nothing I loathed more than working side by side with her. It was easy for me to grind through the day when she was out of sight. Now everything that I did was scrutinized and corrected when she was in such close proximity.

“Have you heard from Ryle recently?” She asked me. I kept my eyes low, hoping not to show how anxious her question made me. 

“No. We weren’t that close. Why do you ask?” I answered calmly.

“He was in a bad accident the other night. I was thinking of pooling some money from everyone here to send some flowers or a card to the hospital.” Christa stated. 

“What kind of accident?” I asked. 

“His sister didn’t get too far into the details with me over the phone but it was a car accident. You know the ridge that goes along the water farther up the way, he veered into oncoming traffic and went over the edge.”

“Shit…do they think he’ll be alright?” I asked. _Not that I care. Yes, I’m a shitty person, especially towards someone who tries to shove his tongue down my throat._

“She sounded optimistic. It’s not the injuries that they’re worried about. They’re thinking that the reason he veered out of his lane was because there were a few snakes in the dash that came down when the engine got going. I mean, that’s happened to me once before, only it crawled out of the bottom of the car and not inside with me. Whatever kind of snake it was that bit him, it wasn’t local and none of the hospitals around here had any antivenin. Double whammy.” Christa explained.

“That’s shit luck right there.” I murmured. 

“Yeah it is. But you know what I want to know? How did a couple of exotic _venomous_ snakes get in his dash? It just seems a bit strange to me. It’s terrible luck if one were to hide away in your car but two? I didn’t know snakes traveled vast distances in pairs.” Christa chuckled. 

“Yeah, that is weird.” I answered quietly. I wondered how many people Ryle had crossed in some way. He seemed to be friendly with everyone but I had seen for myself the way that he could change. The only other person that I knew of that could have something to hold against Ryle was Loki. Instantly I buried those brewing suspicions. Loki could never do something like that. Besides I’d been with him that whole night. 

The man that I’d shared my bed and my body with these last two days couldn’t have been responsible for this. Loki was gentle and kind, nothing like the type of person I’d expect to do something so vicious. Though I couldn’t pretend that I hadn’t seen hints at darkness in his eyes the night he’d walked me home. I’m sure there were parts of him that could be dangerous but this was a bit too much for me to convince myself of. The longer I thought about it, the more I worried. 

Somehow I managed to get to my break without incident. Christa was too busy doing my job for me to cause me any grief. I saw Loki on the bench across the street. He was reading something to pass the time. I couldn’t ignore how handsome he looked from here. My suspicions faded, drowned out by my infatuation I suppose. I grabbed my salad from the back and headed out to sit with him. When Loki glanced up and saw me he smiled, tucking his book into his satchel. 

“Long time no see stranger.” I joked, plopping down next to him. 

“Long time no see.” He repeated, seeming to be trying on the phrase rather than saying it to me. 

“Why didn’t you come inside?” I asked him. 

“I didn’t want to cause any trouble for you. It’s a nice day so I thought I would wait for you here.” For a while he talked at length about how his day was going. He enjoyed telling me about the new things that he discovered while we were away from each other. These “new things” were all commonplace for me but for him things like online shopping and avocados were extremely noteworthy. This was yet another side of him that I was learning to adore. A childlike wonder would light his eyes whenever he discovered something exciting. It was touching that I was the first person he so eagerly came to share his findings with. As a result I played along and let him tell me all about his adventures. 

I waited until he’d gotten through his sharing before I tried to bring up my earlier discovery. “I found out why Ryle hasn’t been to work in a couple days.” I mentioned casually. I wanted to see his reaction to the topic before I went into greater detail.

“Why is that?”

“Apparently he got in a bad car wreck…he’s not dead or anything but he’s pretty banged up the way I hear it.” I mentioned to Loki. 

“Dammit.” Loki muttered under his breath. His tone was more frustrated than sympathetic, not that I expected him to be overcome with empathy towards Ryle. 

“You didn’t have anything to do with that did you?” I asked quickly. 

“No, it’s a coincident that _nearly_ worked in my favor. When was this?” Loki offered. I watched his expression for a bit longer, trying to decide for myself if he really could have had something to do with Ryle’s _accident_. I couldn’t rationally accuse Loki. I’d been with him until almost 2am that night and the ridge was only ten minutes away from Christa’s. I didn’t know what to believe. All that I was sure of was that my bullshit detector was getting some confusing readings. 

“The night you walked me home and we got take out. He didn’t make it far from here before he swerved into the other lane. Apparently some snakes crawling out of the dashboard while he was driving. They bit him and that was what nearly killed him. Christa thinks it’s suspicious that—“ 

“What do you think?” Loki interjected. 

“I don’t think anything. He almost got killed. You want me to say he deserved it don’t you?” I asked. Loki shrugged, refusing to answer me. I already knew exactly what Loki was fishing for. He wanted me to say that Ryle had gotten what he had coming to him, except wishing ill of others never made me feel any better. I’d made my peace with what Ryle done. I hadn’t forgotten it and I sure as hell hadn’t forgiven him, but that didn’t mean I had to wish him dead. “I don’t think anybody deserves to die like that. What happened to him could’ve happen to anyone. I’m just glad it didn’t happen to me.” 

“You don’t even feel the faintest sense of retribution after what he did to you.” Loki questioned. _Wow, he’s more invested in this than I am and **I** was the one who was assaulted._

I shrugged, “It takes more energy than I’m willing to sacrifice to stay upset about it. Yeah he got aggressive and I had to put him in his place. I didn’t say that I liked what he did but I can’t change it either. I’m putting it behind me. How many people die by snakebite and car crash—“

“He should have been the first.”

“Loki…I’m the one who suffers if I hold that grudge or wish for bad things to happen to him. The best thing for me to do is to move on.” 

“It wouldn’t take anything away from you to admit this is satisfying in some miniscule way.” Loki argued. Despite what he tried to project, I saw that same streak of protectiveness had surfaced that night. I didn’t matter what I said, Loki was going to celebrate the tragedy even if I didn’t. 

“It would. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You put out good energy and… _some_ of it might come back to you. You put out bad, all of it always comes back to haunt you.” I countered. 

“And you believe that? That is your worldview? When people do depraved things to you you wish them well and hope that they receive their comeuppance under some round about circumstances?” Loki asked, his tone taking on a hint of indignation. 

“Yeah, I guess it is. I’ve got to believe in something don’t I? Some people have their faith and people like me…I guess we aren’t that lucky. I don’t believe in much of anything but I know that even though being vengeful and carrying that anger might feel good in the moment, it will eat you alive the longer you hold onto it. It doesn’t change what happened so why keep fighting with myself about it? I’m choosing not to let that drain me more than it already has. I won’t give him or anyone that power over me.”

Loki didn’t say anything else about any of this. He wasn’t in the mood for arguing and would rather accept our disagreement than to continue. None of his reaction bothered me. I would have reacted the same way a few years ago, back when I was full of pent up frustration and baseless anger. I’d learned to only hold onto what made me stronger, what helped me move on and let all those other destructive influences go. 

I had enough burdens that I was forced to carry with me that I had no control over, like the horrible night terrors or the perpetual ups and downs of my moods. For as much as I could, I decided to make those my only concerns. I couldn’t collect unnecessary things to add to my stack of woes. If Loki really knew what I’d been through or what I continued to go through, he would understand. _I didn’t have enough fight left in me._

“Do you have plans for this evening?” Loki asked, veering on to another less corrosive topic. 

I gave a noncommittal shrug, “I have some errands to run. I’m not sure if that counts as having plans.” 

“What sort of errands? Maybe we’re heading the same way.” Loki insisted. _I’m sure we will be once I tell you know where I’m going._

“I need to get some more work shoes. The soles on these are wrecked. Then I have to get gas, groceries, and a new leash from the pet store. The one I have is about to break and Kat loves to bolt after things. You can tag along if you want…if you’re going my way that is.” I smirked. 

“I am now.”

“Mhm, of course you are. Meet me at my place this around five. I’m going to try to squeeze in a nap after work since _someone_ , not naming names, wouldn’t let me sleep last night.” I teased, playfully elbowing him in the side. 

“You didn’t seem to have any objections at the time.” Loki countered. 

“I was barely conscious. I’m not very good at declining temptation in that state.” I laughed as I started gathering my things. My break was almost over and Christa was already in an unpredictable mood. I couldn’t afford to come back late from lunch. 

“Neither am I, hence the reason I failed to let you rest as I should have.” 

“Aside from being a little sleepy I don’t see any harm done. Just don’t make a habit of it. You don’t want to be around me when I’m exhausted. I can be real bitch when I experience significant sleep debt.”

“So long as you’re my b—“

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.” I interjected. I stood and gathered my things so that I could get back to work. Loki pulled me against his front, giving me that heartwarming smile as he lookdown at me. 

“Don’t let that woman get to you. I adore you when you’re full of impudence. Save some of that for me alright?” He told me, kissing my cheek. 

“Will do.” I told him what he wanted to hear because what he was asking of me was impossible to achieve. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth. After I got off work I went home and took a nap. It wasn’t a great nap but it got the job done. I only awoke when Loki called for the third time.

“Hey.” Even I could tell that I had just woken up from my voice.

“Hey lovey. Are you home yet?” Loki asked. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. 

“Yeah why?” I asked. 

“You asked me to meet you here at five—“ 

“Shit what time is it?” Before I could look at the time on my phone he answered my question. 

“Quarter after seven.”

“Shit shit shit! I’m on my way down right now. I’m so sorry.” I jumped up and put on my shoes. 

“Take your time.” 

I hung up and ran a brush over my hair before I snatched my purse off the kitchen table. When I got downstairs I found Loki sitting on the stairs. “Hey. How long have you been out here waiting?” 

“An hour…two hours.” He answered with an amused look. 

“Loki, you didn’t have to sit out here for two hours!” 

“It was a mild day and I didn’t have anything better to do.” He tugged my hand into his. All that I could do was laugh about it. If he wasn’t upset that I’d left him out here, than I wouldn’t be either. It was his fault after all. He kept me up until the crack of dawn to get some nooky. When Loki went to lead me towards the sidewalk, I shook my head. 

“Not that way. You’ve never seen my car before have you?” I asked turning back to him.

“No.” He replied quietly glancing around at the few vehicles near the entrance. 

“Well it’s that bright yellow piece of shit over there. I don’t really take it out much but that just saves on gas. Most of everything that I need is within walking or biking distance.“ I fished my keys from my purse as we came to my little four-door at the far end of the garage. I saw him trying to control his expression while he looked at it in dismay. “You can say it. It’s a hunk of garbage. “I chuckled. Laughing about it was all that I could do to avoid getting too embarrassed. 

I unlocked the doors so that we could get in. _At least the interior isn’t as terrifying._ Loki reluctantly climbed into the passenger’s side. His knees were smushed against the glove compartment because he was so tall. I reached between his feet and felt around under the seat to lift the lever. “Push back.” I prompted waiting for him to get situated. Once he slid back as far as the seat would go, he was still awkwardly folded. “That’s the best I can do.” I replied with an embarrassed chuckle. Loki still watched me, trying to decide if this was a rolling deathtrap or not. For the sake of his company, I thought it best not to tell him that it _was._

“I keep telling myself I’m going to save up to get a new car. “ Saying that aloud made me laugh, “That’s not going to happen for quite a while.” Loki respectfully maintained his silence, watching me turn the key in the ignition a couple times it to start. _Please start. You can do it ol’ girl._ Finally the engine turned over and I sighed with relief until a sputtering clanging noise interrupted the steady hum _Great. What is this new sound?_ Now I began to wonder if I’d be able to get it started again to bring us back home. 

“Should it be making that sound?” Loki asked, turning his concerned expression in my direction. _Now you have something to add?_

“Unless you’re a mechanic…don’t talk about it. If we ignore it _maybe_ it will stop?” I said cringing. Obviously ignoring the problem wasn’t going to make it go away however I damn sure couldn’t afford to fix whatever was making that whirring noise. Without another word Loki settled in his seat. For once our prolonged silence actually made me uncomfortable. It was almost like I could feel him fearing for his life. I don’t know if it was the condition of my car or the fact that I was behind the wheel. Whichever it was, the combination did not sit well with him. 

“What do you carry around in that thing? I swear I’ve only ever seen you without it once or twice.” I asked, gesturing to Loki’s satchel. He’d put it on the floor between his feet. It was the same tattered old looking leather bag. Sometimes it was crammed full of his junk and other times, like right now, it was almost empty. 

“I have a few books, some pecans, and a few other odds and ends.” He mentioned. He pulled out a small glass jar of pecans, his phone charger and a thick book with a cartoon human cross-section on the front. Conveniently we came to a red light and I had the chance to more than glance at the front cover. 

“Why is it in French? How many languages do you know?” I asked glancing up at him. 

“Apparently two.” He chuckled, beginning to shove the rest of his things back in the bag. My French was next to nonexistent but I could tell it was some kind of medical journal. After a quick glance to make sure that the light hadn’t changed, I leafed through a couple pages and found that he’d been taking detailed notes in the margins. His notes weren’t in French or English. They were meticulous scribbles some other less familiar language. I couldn’t even begin to decipher those. 

“Just two huh?” I asked looking up at him. _Maybe it’s short hand?_ I remembered learning somewhere that way back in the day people used short hand to take notes faster. I’d never seen it in real life nor had I ever met anyone who used it. The car behind us laid on their horn after I’d sat through most of this green light. I handed back him his book and drove into the parking lot where the pet shop was. 

“Why are you reading that? Are you a med student or something?” I asked him after we’d gotten out of the car. 

“No. I mentioned to you before that there were several topics I wanted to study—“

“Yeah you did. I just thought you meant something less…clinical. People don’t normally pick up medical journals for a bit of casual reading, let alone in _French_.” I interjected turning to look at him. 

“I’m not people.” Loki answered, giving me a painfully honest look.

I hadn’t intended to sound so accusatory, but I couldn’t help questioning the strange when it presented itself. “I’m starting to think you’re not even human.” I mentioned. I took his hand and started to lead him towards the doors. 

“What makes you say that?” Loki asked me, his tone was suddenly very curious. 

“Because you can read in at least three languages _that I’ve seen_ , you can bake, you’re fine as hell, and you like being around me. At least a three of these things are humanly impossible to possess at once.” I mentioned. Of course I was only being slightly sarcastic. Now I was beginning to wonder if this all really was too good to be true. _Normal folks don’t have to wonder if the guy they're sleeping with just tried to kill someone._

“Why wouldn’t anyone enjoy being around you? You’re beautiful inside and out, you’re not afraid to speak your mind or to be yourself—“

“Loki, you know I can’t handle complements. Are you trying to make me melt on their floor?” I scolded, turning to look at him. 

“Pity. I love it when you do that.” Loki replied. If I let him he would have me blushing and mildly incoherent. Instead I averted my focus to something else.

“Why are you reading medical journals? You never answered my question.” 

“I wish to learn as much as I can about human anatomy. If the need were to arise I like the idea of knowing that I could tend to minor aliments.” Loki explained. 

I gave him a skeptical look, “Self diagnosis is dangerous. You don’t become a doctor just by reading doctor books. You know that right?” 

“I understand that. I did say minor ailments. All the rest is purely for entertainment value... learning for the sake of learning.” Loki mused.

“I sure hope so.” 

While we were on the way to the isle with the leashes I lost Loki. Instead of following him, I decided to let him roam until after I found what I needed. When I went back to look for him, Loki was by the reptiles in the live animal section. _Of course._ Apparently it was feeding time and the store staff had put some mice in with the snakes. “Come look.” Loki insisted. 

“What is—ew!” I covered my eyes refusing to look in the glass case. Loki’s arm came around the small of my back and he pulled me closer to him. 

“Watch or you’ll miss it.” He urged. Loki carefully pried my hand from over my eyes and I saw the little grey mouse in the corner of the tank. I knew it was doomed and it knew it was doomed. For some reason Loki thought this was interesting. The python inched closer to the frantic creature until it lunged, clamping its jaws over the mouse and coiling its body around it. I cringed, trying not to watch. Even though I was repulsed I was equally fascinated.

Soon the little legs stopped flinching. Then the python unhinged its jaws and started to stretch its mouth over the mouse. “You’re twisted.” I said glancing back at Loki. 

“It’s fascinating how nature can be forgiving and merciless at once. The taking of a life is the life essence for another. It’s poetic—“

“It’s horrifying.” I corrected. 

“Why can’t it be both?” Loki asked. 

“I leave you alone for five minutes and you’re getting philosophical with the snakes and their dinner.” I ranted. I took his hand and pulled him away from the glass and towards checkout. 

“They were just about to feed the tarantellas—“

“Loki I swear to god, I will leave you here and I’ll let you walk back if you make me look at one of those things.” I said sharply. 

Loki laughed and kissed my temple, “I would never. You dislike all things with eight legs I’m gathering.” 

“Why do you like all the creepy crawlies?” 

“No idea. I’ve always had an affinity for the things that sent other people fleeing in disgust or fear. Does this surprise you?” 

“Nope, not one bit. But let me make one thing absolutely clear for you. I will punch you in the dick if you _ever_ try to make me watch a spider do _anything_. Do you understand me?” I smiled, affectionately patting his cheek.

“Noted.” 

I laughed to myself as we headed to the registers. _Who have you gotten yourself mixed up with?_ The rest of my errands went this was. I would go into a store, Loki would wonder off and I would have to go wrangle him before checking out. _Trying to keep track of this man was like trying to herd cats._

When we got back home, Loki and I sat flopped down on the sofa. We ended up watching some low budget indie horror. Ten minutes and thirty clichés later, Loki’s outrage at the characters was more entertaining than the plot. “Are they all incapable of running away from someone with an ax? Why are they asking about his intentions rather than escaping while they have the chance?” Loki asked, after the second person had tripped in the dark while escaping their attacker. 

I laughed, “You’re just not supposed to ask that question. It only has two stars, you can’t expect them to have common sense for that rating.” 

“She isn’t even trying to stay alive—look at her! Why would she go towards the screaming? Has she no sense of self preservation?” Loki argued. 

“This is officially a comedy at this point, screw horror.” I couldn’t stifle my giggle of amusement at his outrage when a frightened victim ran into the cornfield. Even after my nap earlier I was still pretty tired. Halfway though the movie, I dozed off again. _Being in his arms has that effect on me._ It was only when I felt myself moving that I started to come to. He was carrying me somewhere. Normally I didn’t like being picked up yet my subconscious believed—knew that I was safe in his arms. 

Loki took me back to the bedroom. He folding back the covers and when I hit the cold sheets I awoke just enough to catch him by the arm before he could leave me. “You’re going home?” I asked quietly. 

“Yes. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome—“

“Don’t go.” I whined. _Not yet._ Even in my groggy state I could see him deliberating, not because he wanted to leave but because he feared that he would overstep one of my unsaid boundaries. The only problem was that at this moment, I didn’t care about any of them. My sleep-addled mind was too simple to overthink this. I wanted him to stay here with me and therefore he should. I didn’t have the ability to worry about what this might signify or how it could escalate your relationship in some way.

Finally Loki accepted the fact that he wanted to stay more than he wanted to leave and he started to undress. “Move aside.” While he came out of his pants I shimmied over to give him a place to lie. Loki slipped between the covers next to me. I turned over to face him and lay my head against his chest. 

“You smell familiar.” I mumbled, closing my eyes. My mind was already drifting back to sleep and yet the deeper I dozed the harder my brain tried to place the reason for this.

“I just ought to. You’ve only been lying with me for these last two days.” Loki countered. I felt his voice in his chest and I smiled. 

“No, it’s not just that. It’s…something else from a long time ago. ” I murmured groggily. My words starting to slur as I dipped into unconsciousness when I spoke.

“Sleep dove. We’ll talk about it in the morning.” He whispered, kissing my forehead. His arms came around me and that was all that it took for me to drift into the darkness. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! It was a long time coming but here you have it. Hope it was worth the wait. There is a pleasant surprise in the next chapter. Its something I've been thinking of doing for a while, but never could find the right placement for. Maybe it will be out of place. Maybe I'll never do it again. Maybe you'll hate it. I have no idea what's going to happen. Either way, I believe that this is the most interesting and convenient way to get a crucial part of this story told. The next chapter should be up soon!


	16. Indebted

I walked through the grand entrance, the way that I’d done countless times before. The feeling of the suns burning high overhead was an unremarkable everyday occurrence. _Until it wasn’t._ Many months of living by flickering torchlight had instilled a new appreciation of daylight. Everything from the unexpected breeze to the nearby rustling of the grass came as a welcome disturbance, inundating my senses with the stimulation I’d been deprived of for so long. 

One of the stableman approached me and offered me the reigns of my horse. “Will you require anything else my Prince?” 

“No, that will be all.” I declined and nodded with my unspoken thanks. He ventured away while I settled into the saddle. I had greatly undervalued this freedom. Coming and going as I pleased was a luxury took for granted. Guiding my steed along the bricked path, I began on my journey to the bifrost. I had told no one of my plans to visit the bridge and it’s guardian today. My intent was to keep it that way. Any passersby would likely assume that I was handling affairs beyond the confines of the palace. If they should ask, not that anyone should, this would be my answer. It was an expectation I intended to exploit.

My voyage took me along the outskirts of the city below. The last time that I’d ventured here had been for less noble reasons. I roved amongst my people, the people I’d once thought myself above. I knew now that this was untrue and that all I could’ve hope to achieve with that outlook was unrest. Instead of reviled looks from the few subjects I crossed paths with, they were gracious and eager to catch a glimpse of their “resurrected” prince.

I hadn’t come to bask in the adoration of our subjects. My visit with Loki had stirred something in me, an unsettling discontent that grew more displeasing with each day. I’d imagined that it would be more satisfying to see him imprisoned in the same way that I had been. Instead I felt empathetic, if not sorrowful. Loki had earned his place behind those barriers, which I wouldn’t deny yet he had been sentenced to more than just imprisonment for his crimes. 

I had only heard rumors of what had happened the day of his dethroning until Sif had agreed to tell me. Even then she was reluctant to say all that she had witnessed. That morning Sif had been summonsed for an unrelated matter and was passing through in the corridor when she heard their arguing. Before the guards escorted Loki from the throne room, she had hidden in one of the alcoves. 

Sif had been by my side in battle and heard the chilling cried of war. As such she was not easily moved to tears like other women. Yet when she tried to describe Ele’s frightened screams she had a difficulty. However, when Ele’s cries were silenced it was Loki’s reaction that tormented her most. Sif held no affection for Loki, not that many people did these days, and still his devastation haunted her. When the guards carried her lifeless body from the throne room, he fell to his knees and watched them take her away. He’d lost nearly everything a man had to lose in an instant. 

In the time that passed after Ele’s supposed death, there was a change in the way that her name was whispered through the palace. Even before my confinement, I had heard the things that they said about her. Everyone had at one time or another. Ele was his depraved mistress, the wild woman that shared his thirst for chaos and destruction. Now that the truth had come to light and the whole kingdom knew that Ele was Midgardian, I wondered how much of what we knew about her was true. I wanted to know just how equally they each were invested in their life of mayhem. The woman that I’d met, before she’d become familiar with Loki, was gentle and innocent. Even if she was a bit unconventional she wasn’t a raving lunatic.

I had more questions than answers as to how or why she found herself in our realm. Loki had never mentioned how he had managed to bring her here. After all that he had done, I wondered if abducting Ele from her realm was yet another crime he served his time for. Had she wanted to be his mistress? Had Ele become his prisoner, damned to serve as his queen? Did Loki manipulate her into doing his bidding? Was there the chance that she had sought help and I had listened?

My heart was heavy for the both of them, however my thoughts returned to Ele most. I couldn’t stop wondering if I could have done more. Even after all that had happened to her, Ele had held fast to her dignity and refused to let any of her misfortune redefine her. She had shown me compassion by giving me ale and mindless activities to stave off insanity in my isolation. I questioned how just her punishment truly was. Was additional suffering really what she deserved? From where I stood her life had become nothing more than an instrument of torture, used to cause Loki the most pain and suffering imaginable. 

I came to the bridge, taking the time to glance at the crashing waves below as I approached the bifrost. As boys Loki and I would come here whenever we could spare time between our lessons or other duties. We foolishly hoped that Heimdall would heed our pleas and send us to far-flung reaches of the Yggdrasil. Only once did he ever honor our requests and send us to Midgard. I smiled to myself, thinking back on our adventure. We had gone unnoticed for more than a month in that village. Had Loki not gotten caught screwing the chief’s daughter, we might not have caused any disturbance. Despite all that he had done, I had faith that my brother was still in there. _Somewhere._

When I reached the entryway, I left my horse with one of the guards. Heimdall stood at his post as always, keeping his ever-watchful eyes on the cosmos. “It has been quite some time since you’ve paid me a visit.” Heimdall mentioned. 

“It has been a while. I’m sure you’ve heard tell of the reason.” I stated, making my way across the room towards him. 

“I have. Your brother put on quite the show in your absence.“ 

“So I’ve heard. Your duties were restored at least.” I countered. The gatekeeper said nothing else, neither rejoicing nor condemning the return of his responsibilities. I could only imagine that the repairs were a welcome improvement, considering he had exclusively stood watch for the last few centuries. 

“Do you ever look upon Lady Ele?” I asked. Heimdall turned to study me, his eyes searching me for any cause for suspicious. 

“It was my understanding that she was executed for her involvement in Loki’s war. I can see far and wide but I cannot look upon the dead.”

“I know my father has sworn you to secrecy. You would not be in violation of his orders if I already knew the truth.” I mentioned. 

Heimdall’s eyes were still full of skepticism while he attempted to ferret out any reason to believe that I might be bating him into treason. “What interest do you have in Loki’s ex-mistress? She’s earned her punishment for her crimes. Is that not enough for you?”

“I only wondered if she was well. I’ve visited Loki and he is…not. I only wished to learn if they shared a similar fate.”

“I have not had reason to watch over her.”

“But have you?” I asked. He didn’t answer me right away, electing to bide his time once more.

“She has held my attention a few times.” Heimdall finally admitted. 

“Is she well?” My answer received a slight nod but he wouldn’t elaborate. From that I gathered there was only so much that he had the freedom to say. So I chose my questions carefully. “Has she taken another husband?” Again his only response was the slight turn of his head, a gesture I took to mean she hadn’t. 

“Is she happy?” I asked. 

“I can see all creatures but not into their hearts. Happiness is something only they can attest to. I couldn’t tell you the answer to that even if I wanted to.” He answered finally. I nodded, assuming that I’d gotten as much information as I could from him about her. “In my observations I’ve learned that many people are skilled at concealing their suffering. They try to appear as though they are content when they are anything but.” Heimdall added. We shared another silent standoff, with him refusing to give away anymore than that.

I continued to mull over all that he’d said. Perhaps Lady Ele did remember after all. We had all been told that she was dead. Only a select few know that she still lived. _What if she wasn’t stripped of her memories after all._

“Do you intend to retrieve her?” Heimdall asked me. 

“No. First and foremost, it would directly violate Allfather’s decree. I’ve already lost his favor for my part in Loki’s war. There’s no point in making things worse for myself. More to the point, it wouldn’t be my place. Her heart does not pine for me and there is nothing my presence would do for her other than cause her more pain.” I replied. 

“Good, because that would not be something I could allow.” Heimdall stated turning to look at me, his gaze issuing a silent warning. 

“Understood. I was curious and wondered if there was more that I did not know. That is all.” I explained. 

“One should hope.”

“Well, Allmother is expecting me. Thank you for your assistance.” I said, giving him a smile.

“It is always a pleasure my Prince.” Heimdall countered. After I bid my farewell I returned to the palace. The answers I’d received had done nothing to put my mind at ease. I found mother in her garden, tending to the young sprigs that I assumed would become flowers with time. _I never did have the patience to have learned that for myself._ As I entered the courtyard I called out to her. “Mother.”

“Thor, you’re late.” She said to me. When she turned to face me I caught the ghost of a smile on her face, proof that I wasn’t in any real trouble for my tardiness. 

“I apologize. Another matter took my attention for longer than I anticipated.” I replied moving to help her rise from the flowerbed where she had been kneeling. 

“Its alright dear. Come and sit.” I followed her to the bench nearby. 

“I hear that you visited with your brother. How is he?” she asked, her voice betrayed her concern. Loki had turned away anyone who had tried to see him these last few months. Now that he’d begun refusing his meals, mother feared for the worst. 

“He still refuses to eat what is provided to the prisoners. I can hardly blame him.” I mentioned. 

“I’ve done all that I can to make him comfortable. It wouldn’t be prison if we bent to his every request.” She sighed. 

“I told him I would see what I could do.” 

“You can do nothing.” Frigga answered quietly. Loki’s condition had taken its toll on her. The weariness in her expression worried me. 

I put my hand over hers to offer my comfort, “Loki will be alright. He always is.” 

“You know that is not true. Loki has always been proud and strong, but he can be broken as any man can.” I wanted to dispute and insist that what she had said was untrue yet I couldn’t. I had seen for myself all that he had become. When I looked into his eyes, a sane man didn’t look back at me. He was unhinged and I feared that there would be no means of return for him. So instead of arguing her, I chose to use this time to see if she would tell me more than Heimdall would. 

“What would have happened to Lady Ele if she had not been banished?” I asked. Her eyes turned up to me, the unsaid question in her eyes. 

“Where did you hear that?” Mother asked me. Her question wasn’t interrogative or demanding. She didn’t even seem to be surprised that I’d found the truth for myself.

“That’s not important. I would not betray my sources.” I answered with a chuckle. 

“You say that as if I didn’t already know it was Sif.” Mother countered. 

“What would have happened to her?” I repeated. 

“Ele would have been executed. I did all that I could to protect her. She was fortunate to return to her life in her own realm.” Frigga replied, although it pained her to say so. 

“I visited Heimdall today.” I told her. 

“Your father will not be pleased to hear of this.” She warned. 

“I was curious. I’ve seen Loki and his condition worries me. I only sought to learn if Lady Ele faired any better. For Loki’s sake I had hoped that she had found happiness and was able to go on with her life.” 

“Has she? I can’t imagine that after such a short time she could have completely recovered from her time here in Asgard.”

“That I do not know. All that he would tell me was that she has not remarried and wears a façade of contentedness.” I told her. 

“Pity. You should be careful of who knows of your curiosities.” Mother cautioned me.

“I only sought to understand. It would put closure to this for me.” I assured her. Frigga nodded, understanding my position in this. “Did you know she was Midgardian? How did Loki manage to bring her to our realm without the bifrost?” I asked. 

“The afternoon that Lady Ele arrived, she was badly injured. They got into some trouble and she aided him. In the confusion Loki mistook her for the threat. It could have been worse; he could have outright extinguished her life. After he delivered her to the healers he sought me out in the hopes that I would persuade the staff not broadcast his latest deed. The first thing he said when he found me was, _‘Mother, I found a woman in the woods and I think I killed her.’_ When I went to douse the flames, one of the healers pulled me aside and informed me of their findings.” The memory seemed to amuse her. The way she smiled when she thought back to that day was the first time I’d seen her smile reach her eyes in many weeks.

“And after that she still trusted him?” I asked, somewhere close to disbelief.

“Ele knew he wouldn’t have intentionally hurt her. After the healers had mended her, she awoke and she had already forgave him. She was always very forgiving, especially where Loki was concerned. I’ve never seen him regret _anything_ as much he as regretted injuring her. The truth is that Loki never brought her here. That is what your father and his council refuse to believe. At first I was skeptical too however Ele told me what she experienced. She didn’t recall anything that resembled the kind of dark sorcery that Loki would have needed to retrieve her. The way that she remembers it, she simply walked from her realm into ours.” Mother explained. 

“Is that even possible?”

“There are times when rifts between the realms can form but they are very very rare. Ele only met Loki by immeasurable chance; the chance that she was by the river and that he would venture so far astray to retrieve his own herbs. The poor girl had been wondering for days and she was near to starvation. Given her condition, Loki took pity on her and brought her back here where he cared for her as compensation for her assistance.”

“Where she became his prisoner you mean—“ 

“I will not listen to you reduce their bond like this. What your brother did is inexcusable but he loved that woman with everything he had. She tamed him and gave him something other than himself to fight for. When they were married I saw it in his eyes that he loved for her more than anyone else in all the nine.” 

“Did she feel the same about him? How are you certain that she wanted to marry him if she was here for lack of a better option?” 

“I was with her nearly everyday leading up to the wedding. Not once did I get the impression that she regretted or begrudged their intended union. Even when she was angry with Loki, she never suggested that she wanted to end their engagement. When they told me that she had accepted his proposal and Ele was genuinely excited.”

“Why did you allow their marriage in the first place? Father would have objected on premise alone.” 

“When they were married Loki was King. There was no such thing as my _allowing_ him to do anything. Furthermore, what would have been the point of denouncing their engagement? It would have only made him seek to wed her faster. Prince or no, what man of this kingdom would promise his daughter to Loki after his parentage underwent such public scrutiny. We would have never been able to secure a bride of noble birth and if we did, she would not come willingly. Ele may not have highborn, but she accepted Loki and loved him in his entirety. I couldn’t take something like that away from him for vanity’s sake. If you want the bitter truth, there was no royal bloodline to preserve and his image was already beyond restoration. ” 

I thought for a moment, processing all that she’d said. I’d known Loki all of his life and never once had I seen him so besotted with a woman. He’d had his share of maidens, kept women on occasion and even a fiancé that he would never acknowledge. None of them had ever brought him to his knees the way that Ele had. Now I knew without question that he had never loved any of them. He may have favored them but only Ele had won his heart. 

“If Ele was as gentle as you say how could she have followed his lead into madness. Ele was no stranger to speaking her mind. She wasn’t some weak willed girl who would do as she was told. I can’t see her allowing anyone, not even Loki to force her into something so egregious without a fight.” I questioned.

Frigga gave a slight nod, having already sought the answer for herself. “She projected what she wanted others to see. It was the way she protected herself. Ele and her servant Inge grew very close. Loki took advantage of her anger and heartache after she lost her closest friend. He gave her a place to channel it in the way he had done for himself. She was ruled by her emotions the same as Loki. Ele was stronger than you think but even the most honorable and level headed person is corrupted when sentiments that strong are not tempered.”

“She knew about my imprisonment.” I stated. Frigga nodded, waiting for me to elaborate. “Loki came to me one night and she was there. I couldn’t see her but she asked me not to kill him. I wonder if she was there every time that he came or if it was just that once.” 

“The night of the intrusion they came to me with the news of your demise. It was in her eyes, the fear and the guilt of what she’d just become complicit to. I do not know the exact circumstances however I saw great deal that did not need to be explained. I know my son and I grew to know Ele in much the same way. I could put together the truth for myself. Whatever events preceded to your imprisonment, she was the reason for it.” I watched her somewhat confused. 

“They had a falling out a few weeks before the wedding. The first morning that she was on her own, she told me that she did all she could to spare you. Of course she told me in her own way. Ele would never outright betray her intended husband. I imagine Loki had you right where he wanted you and Ele kept him from ending your life despite the consequences it would have for her.”

“She spared my life?” I clarified.

“Yes and it drove them apart until she could no longer bear the weight of her silence or their partnership. Then she fled from both. For a month or so they were at odds. She resided in her own rooms and he in his. To my knowledge, the two of them never spoke. I feared that their marriage had failed before it even had the chance to begin. The morning after she left him, she told me that you were still alive. I will be forever in her debt for that one precious act of kindness.” 

“I suppose I am as well.” I mused. 

“Well it’s too late for that now. There’s nothing left to be done. She is in her realm and he is in the dungeons.” Mother stated, turning her attention away from this line of conversation. I could tell it was painful for her to rehash these memories. “Now, I have these for Loki. As you are the only one he has tolerated visiting him, I will ask you to deliver them on my behalf.” 

“I doubt he will want to see my face after last time.” I mentioned as she gathered the books from the foot of the bench. 

“You can still leave them in his possession.” She insisted, placing the stack of books into my possession. I took them and glanced over some of the titles. They were all books on magic, which wasn’t surprising. Upon closer reading I began to gather that this first book was about splitting one’s seidr from their corporeal form. There was another on the various arts associated with gaining accessing the voids between the realms. I imagine these voids could serve as pathways from one to the next. My gaze met hers as she watched me reading the words on the page as I leafed through the first tome.

“I ask that you deliver these to him then retrieve them from his cell in one weeks time. Can I trust you to do this for me?” She asked, and her expression was calculated as always. Mother was waiting for me to disapprove of her plan. I should disapprove, I should have emphatically declined to be a part of this scheme and yet I _was_ contemplating it. On the way here I had wondered what all I could do to settle this divide that had been growing in me. Now there was a way to resolve this. 

“Of course.” I replied, finally allowing my gaze to meet hers. 

“Thank you. He needs your support now more than ever in order to get through this. No one else will be able to reach him. My presence would do more harm than good at this point, so I must leave it to you my son.”

“And after all that he’s done to me you trust that I’d be willing to forgive him?”

“Being the first to mend burned bridges is always risky business. If you won’t do it for his sake, do it for your own and for those who love him most.” Mother advised. When she gave me that look it was like I was a child again, knowing that I should do as I was told. Looking back on my childhood, many of our conversations ended this way. Mother would always persuade me to forgive Loki after he had done something particularly mischievous to put us at odds. Even as the centuries came and went, some things never changed. 

“I will deliver this to him right away. You have my word.” I promised, rising to do as she asked. She hugged me tightly but kept it brief. 

“Thank you.” Mother dusted herself off before returning to her work and I made my way to the dungeons. Of course I held my reservations on helping Loki to escape. I didn’t know what his tricks would entail but I trusted that Mother had a plan if she enlisted my help. She already had it worked out from start to finish if she was asking for my assistance. Perhaps this would be for the best, allowing Loki to descend to Midgard. Ele didn’t have the luxury of drawn out deliberation.

If I we were to succeed, Loki would not be able to incite chaos here in Asgard. From what I had gathered from my short readings, he would not have the power to do so in Midgard either. Exile and divestment of his seidr was still a better outcome than these two years of suffering that he’d already endured. If Loki could find Ele before her short life ended, she would finally have peace after what must have felt like an eternity for her. Even if she only survived for a few more decades, it was better that they spend them together than divided and in misery. 

The lower into the palace I ventured, the stronger my belief in this plan grew. There was little left for him here. Aside from mother and myself, the rest of the realm either feared or reviled him. If father ever granted Loki freedom, he would not emerge with his title unsullied. He would forever be the fallen prince, the one that had been disgraced. Anything outside of this future would be better I imagined. Especially any prospect that returned his beloved Ele. 

I neared his cell and took a moment to watch from a distance. Loki wouldn’t be able to see me from his vantage point. At first I thought that he was asleep, given the way he lay motionless on his bed. That alone was out of character for him. Loki was never one to waste away the daylight hours in bed. When we were children he’d often come to retrieve me when I’d slept too far into the day for his liking. 

At the time I hated him for it, the way he’d invite himself in and drip cold water on my face until I’d threatened him with whatever my boyish mind could conjure. I never followed through with any of my hollow threats, except for once. After that Loki didn’t come to wake me anymore. I hadn’t realized I would miss his antics until he’d pulled away from me. 

After some time I saw him move or what I thought was Loki moving. Emerald light glimmered beside him. I squinted, having to step a few paces closer until I could make out the figure of a woman next him. _How had he smuggled her in there?_ Then I recognized her. This lady was no stray servant woman who’d come to tend to his needs. _Ele?_ She looked exactly as I’d remembered her. Ele was perched on the bed beside him. Her hair fell over her bare shoulders in thick tresses, framing her lovely face. Ele was dressed the thin gowns women preferred to wear in the privacy of their rooms. When she looked like that, it was easy to see just how he could love her so much.

She was looking over him, running his hand through his disheveled hair. I’d never seen her interact with Loki with such tenderness. I could only imagine this phantom mimicked what had once been their reality; their hidden intimacy that only the two of them ever knew existed. 

The more this projection of Ele sought to comfort him the more Loki recoiled to escape her touch. He couldn’t stand to endure her caresses nor would he look at her. I glanced down at the books I’d been sent to deliver and my hands shifted over their spines. The longer I stood there watching him suffer, the stronger my conviction grew. _I have to do this for both of their sakes._ I moved closer, hoping that this projection wouldn’t linger for very long. Nevertheless I was prepared to wait for her to vanish in order to spare him the indignity. Then her eyes fixed on mine. She leaned down to kiss his temple then whispered something in his ear. 

Loki stilled once again and she backed away from him before fading into nothingness. I’d lost the element of surprise, so I approached. It was better to get this over with. Before I had the chance to announce myself, Loki was protesting to my presence. “Leave.” He murmured.

“I hadn’t meant to intrude—“

“Leave.” He repeated, his voice grew more venomous. I could hear in his voice that he walked a fine line in the effort trying to preserve his composure. Instead of elaborating I went to the meal portal to pass the books through the secure barrier, placing them on the receiving table. 

“I’ll return in a week’s time to retrieve them. They may be of interest to—“

“Leave!” Loki shouted, he teleported to the place directly in front of me. There was nothing left for me to say, so I said heeded his demand. The burden of action was on Loki at this point. I only hoped that he would come around before it was too late. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Hope you liked the random Thor POV. The next chapter should be up much sooner than this one. I spent way too much time fixing this one because I called it _special_ (and it's still probably got some obvious issues buuuut fuck it). Catch you on the flip side...


	17. Training Wheels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, I changed a minor characters name. Ele's boss at the bike shop is now called Kevin. I mistakenly used the name Kevin in multiple future chapters (including this one) and realized it after I checked my outlines. Instead of changing them all back, I'm running with it. I already went and fixed the issue in the one other posted chapter where his name was mentioned and he was called Stan. Didn't mean to cause any confusion.

Kevin could see how excited I was. Less often was I able to hide the spring in my step when I knew I’d be seeing Loki. I think in some ways Kevin was happy for me. We never overstepped the boss-employee boundaries with sharing, however on days when business was slow he did a lot of talking. He told me about the silly things that his son did when it was his week to have little Connor or even the troubling new developments during his divorce. I always got an earful. 

Kevin never asked anything about me, largely because I didn’t tell much about myself to anyone. The fact that he respected my silence was what helped me to at least feel comfortable when I was around him. I always knew that if I ever decided to share, he’d be there to listen. I guess that was as close to a friend as I was ever going to get in this town. 

“Where are you two headed today?” Kevin asked me with a knowing look. 

“I’m showing him the trails. I made a picnic lunch and everything.” I explained, willing my cheeks not to blush this time.

“Do either of you need a rental?” 

“Loki does. I was going to wait until later to bring that up.” I mentioned. 

“Take one of the good ones, no charge. I’ll look the other way this once.” 

“You don’t have to—“

“No, I don’t have to but I will. Everyone deserves a break every now and again.” 

Reluctantly, I accepted his offer and went back to straightening the shelves. This week’s sale had brought in far more people than usual. For some reason customers loved to pick up things and then leave them somewhere they didn’t belong. That meant I had to go around and return them to their proper places. _Super frustrating._ Later I saw Loki walking up to the door. He waved to me and I smiled back at him, gesturing for him to come inside. “You look delicious today.” Loki mentioned as he came up behind me. He peppered my jaw the slope of my neck with quick kisses until I was forced to shove him away. 

“Its good to see you too. I’m still working so hold off on the touching for a few minutes.” I whispered, sneaking and giving him a quick peck on the lips. 

“Should I wait outside for you?”

“No. You’re fine here. While I’m finishing up you should let Kevin size you for a bike. That way we can go as soon as I’m done.” I suggested. Just as I’d gotten the words out Kevin came through the isle, carting some inventory from the back. 

“Hey, can you fit him for a bike?” I asked Kevin. 

“Absolutely. Does he need that rental?” Kevin asked me. Clearly he was trying to decide if Loki was “my fella” without being too obvious with his questioning. 

“Yeah. This is Loki. He’s the guy I was telling you about.” I replied with a shy smile. 

“You told him about me?” Loki asked with a needlessly proud look on his face. 

“All good things. She doesn’t tell me much. Eleanor is very private, however you are one of her favorite topics.” Kevin laughed. 

“Kevin, I only mentioned him like…two—four times tops.” I laughed. _Damn my nervous laughter._

“Today.” Kevin emphasized. I scowled at the two of them before taking the handcart that he’d brought from the back. 

“I’ll be right here doing my job if you two need anything else.” I mentioned. I retuned to my work, refusing to utter another self-incriminating word. 

With that, they left me to finish stocking the shelves. I could hear them talking from across the store. Kevin offered Loki the good six speed and Loki graciously accepted. I threw myself back into my work so that I could finish faster. I couldn’t wait to get out there and enjoy the day with him. When I was done I took the cart back to the storeroom and I passed Kevin and Loki on my way there. They were crouching to look at the gears and I recognized Kevin’s explaining voice. Of _course_ Loki asked a question, not that Kevin minded. He loved to go off on tangents and talk about bike parts and the like. I only wished I could be half as passionate about anything as Kevin was about bikes or Christa was about coffee. _Even if she is the devil incarnate, she knows her coffee._

While I was in the storeroom I clocked out and gathered my things. Then I joined the two of them out in the front. “Did you learn anything?” I asked Loki, tapping him on the shoulder as I came walked behind him.

“I’d like to think so.” Loki confessed, though he still looked a bit lost for some reason. Kevin didn’t say anything, instead he stood up and glancing at each of us. It was strange; I couldn’t read either of their expressions but I it felt like they knew something I didn’t. 

“Okay then. Ready to go?”

“Yeah.” Loki took some of the things from my arms and wheeled his bike towards the door. 

“See you tomorrow Kevin.” I called following Loki out of the store. “So I was thinking that we could try to go seven miles today. I hope that isn’t too ambitious. I was doing some research and I found out that there’s a stream that runs parallel to our route. Maybe next time you can take me fishing.” I suggested. We came to my bike and I put my little cooler on the back rack and secured it with a few elastic cables. 

“You don’t have the patience for fishing.” Loki pointed out. 

“That’s not true. I can be patient—maybe we could go camping! That would be so much fun. You could fish and catch something for dinner. Then you could show me how to start a fire.” I rambled. 

“I’m doing a lot next time aren’t I?” He chuckled. 

“Sorry…guess I am getting carried away. I’ve always wanted to do all that with someone and now that you’re here I can hardly stop myself sometimes.” I unlocked my bike from the rack and walked a few paces before putting my leg over the seat. 

“No need to apologize.” 

I pushed off and slowly pedaled along the sidewalk, waiting for him to get on his bike and follow me. “Are you coming?” I asked. Now I was starting to get a little confused. 

“Yeah…” Loki nodded, but he was looking everywhere except directly at me. So I put my foot down and turned to him, waiting for an explanation. 

“Is something wrong?”

“You could say that.” Loki muttered. _Why is he stalling?_

“Well are you going to tell me? I don’t read minds.”

“I…don’t… _actually_ know how to ride a bike.” Loki confessed. I hadn’t been expecting him to say that. My expression fell, partially out of disappointment. It wasn’t because our plans would have to be adjusted, I was disappointed that he’d waited until _now_ to tell me. Had he thought that I would judge him on something so trivial? If anything it made him seem more human, like someone normal with faults and shortcomings. _Something I desperately needed him to have._

“Why didn’t you say something before? I wouldn’t have done all this if I’d known. I would have found something we both could have enjoy—“

“You were looking forward to it. You’ve _been_ looking forward to it from the beginning and I couldn’t…I couldn’t deprive you of it.” He stammered, growing more and more frustrated with himself. To Loki, letting me down was a **major** failure. For a few seconds I watched him until a gentle smile overtake my expression. Now he was as confused as he was angry. 

“It’s ok.” I told him.

“What?” Loki didn’t seem to believe me. He acted like I was trying to trick him. 

“Yeah. It’s ok. This isn’t the end of the world. There’s an easy fix to this.” I stated, climbing off my bike. 

“And that is?” 

“I can teach you. Problem solved. You’re always trying to learn new stuff anyway. I don’t see why this should be any different.” I smiled and gestured for him to follow me. You don’t know how to teach anyone anything. “Next time just tell me beforehand, ok? You can swim can’t you? I don’t want to take you to the beach and have to be your lifeguard.” I teased. 

Loki laughed, nodding at my question. “Yes. I can swim.” 

We went over to the park where I decided we’d start his ‘training.’ When we first arrived there were a lot of people around, so I led him to the far end where there were fewer prying eyes. 

Loki turned to me and he seemed to be searching for something. “Are you a good teacher?”

“We’ll find out together. I’ll try to be patient. Even if you’re not riding before the day is out I’ll still consider this a success—“

“I wouldn’t.” Loki retorted. 

“You can’t think about it that way Loki. If you put so much pressure on yourself you’ll get even more frustrated. Then what little fun there is to be had is ruined.” Loki still didn’t look convinced, so I gave up on trying to persuade him. “Ok, the basic idea is to pedal and find your balance. That’s the tricky part.” I explained. 

“When did you learn to ride a bike?” Loki asked me. 

“I was about six I think. It doesn’t make a difference though. Kids pick up these things a lot faster anyway.” I told him. I knew Loki enough to know that he wasn’t going to quit until he’d succeeded. _Even if it took all day. I hope that’s not the case._

“Well if a child can do it.” Loki added, albeit a bit sarcastically. I didn’t say anything else to him. Loki seemed like the type of person who could be good at everything on their first try, so who was I to question him. I guess now I would get to see for myself if that was really true. I stepped back to watch him make his first attempt. From the onset it looked like he might actually be getting somewhere. He started to pedal and then he tipped over, never getting more than three feet. I hid my face behind my hands so that he wouldn’t see me laughing. _Because I’m laughing at him, not with him._

“What were you just saying?” I asked, after I’d gotten out most of my giggles. Loki ignored me, refusing to swallow his words so soon. His next few tries went the same way, with him crashing into the grass. After several more failed attempts I felt that I should at least try to help him, considering he was getting more agitated and making little to no progress. “Loki you’re trying to make the bike do too much of the work. It gets easier to balance once you have a little more momentum. Just keep pedaling and don’t stop.” I suggested. 

Loki nodded, wiping the sweat from his brow. “Alright.”

I kissed his cheek, “You’ll figure it out.” My encouragement seemed to help. This time when Loki started to pedal, I followed alongside him, doing my best to catch him each time he’d teeter to the side. I say _‘tried’_ because he was really fucking heavy. I had to scuttle out of the way when he actually fell. I told myself that it would hurt him worse if he were to fall on me. Most of all I intended to escape this date without a broken leg. _That’s always the hallmark of a great date; no crunched up limbed._

“Ok. That was a little better—“ Loki threw the bike off of him like it weighed nothing and he cursed loudly. Even if his obscenities weren’t in English or any language I halfway understood, I still knew it wasn’t a family friendly word that should shouted in the middle of the park. “ _Or_ we could take a break?” I suggested, nimbly pivoting my approach to try to make the situation a little better. Loki shook his head immediately, refusing to allow me to distract him from his goal. 

“No.” That was all that Loki would say before he picked himself up and went to try again…and again. Progressively he got a few yards farther each time. For the better part of the next hour he kept this up. I realized that letting him work it out on his own was the best thing I could do. So I sat nearby in the grass, sipping on my applesauce pouch while watching him eat dirt ever so often. I’d cheer for him whenever he made some progress and the rest of the time I’d check to make sure he was ok. Nevertheless I was very entertained. It wasn’t that I enjoyed watching him fail; it’s just that I did. _Very much._ I liked watching him struggling to keep up with me for once. It was a refreshing change; one I knew I might never have the good fortune to witness ever again. 

On one of his more successful, yet still wobbly attempts, he made it a lot farther than he ever had. I jumped to my feet and ran to follow beside him. “That’s it! Don’t stop pedaling!” I cheered. Then Loki got ahead of himself and went faster than his balance was ready to compensate for. I saw the collision coming before it happened. “Watch the—pavement! Are you ok?” I called, jogging over to where Loki lay sprawled on his back in the grass. He wasn’t injured but he still lay there with the look of profound frustration written all over his face. Kneeling beside him, I turned my head askew so that I could look him in the eye. “Well are you?”

“I’m fine. It’s this contraption that is faulty—“

“There’s nothing wrong with the bike Loki. You almost had it that time. Now get up. I don’t associate with quitters.” I chided softly, offering him my hand. Loki continued to lie there, looking up at me in silence, maybe even contemplating the benefit of this whole exercise. So I started picking the stray pieces of grass out of his hair, giving him the time to cool off. “You’re a suborned one.” After a few moments I started to wonder if he actually had given up. Then Loki caught me by surprise me and took my hand. _But not a quitter._ I smiled and helped him to his feet. 

This next time I was damn near sprinting to keep pace with him. “Don’t stop pedaling!” I called. Loki stayed upright, then I saw the precise the moment he found that sweet spot with his balance. There was no more teetering or wobbling, he’d figured it out for sure. Loki stopped at the other end of the field and gave me an excited thumbs up. “You were watching that time right?” He shouted.

“Yes I was you big dummy! Get over here so I can hug you.” When Loki came back he rode with confidence. I never would have guessed he’d just mastered the skill half a minute ago.

“How was that?” Loki asked me. Now he wore a wide grin, eager to hear me praise his efforts. I decided I’d give him the response he was looking for. After all he had earned it.

“You did wonderfully. I didn’t think you’d be able to get it this fast. You’re always full of surprises.” I hugged him as hard as I could.

“And there is still plenty of daylight left. We can ride the trails the way you had planned.” Loki hurried to insist. 

“You think you’ll make it seven miles?” I asked heading over to collect my things. 

Loki hesitated. I guess reality started to set in. “Let us see how far we can get before dark.” 

“Do you think I’m afraid of the dark?” I bluffed.

“No. It’s just not easy to see after sundown. I’d prefer to not be riding this with limited visibility.”

Instead of listening to his logical argument, I shoved an applesauce pouch to his lips. “Your reward. Congratulations.” I left him there to go and gather my things. 

When I was all packed up we left for the trails, finally fulfilling the wish I’d had for so long. It was everything that I’d hoped for. With Loki by my side I couldn’t imagine a day better spent. The winding paths meandered through the countryside until we found ourselves in the heart of a dense forest. It was scenic and peaceful out here. Surrounded by trees and accompanied by the man of my dreams, what more could anyone ask for? 

Soon though I was starting to doubt my ability to go the full seven miles. There were far more hills than I had anticipated. A little while later we stopped at a clearing for a break and we ate the sandwiches that I’d fixed. Loki seemed pleasantly surprised that they were not only edible, but also tasty. 

Afterwards Loki and I lay back on the blanket looking up at the sky through the leaves. It was times like these when we shared quiet moments where I felt the most connected with him. He took my hand, never saying a word when he did. I just curled my fingers tighter through his to let him know that I shared his sentiment. 

“The other day you told me that the men on the coins were not kings. In my readings I found a monument in the honor the one on the brown coin and he was on a throne. One of us misunderstood something.” My head turned to the side and I felt myself stare at him like he’d just grown a third head. 

“You mean the penny—and Lincoln wasn’t a king. Did you skip all of the words around the pictures in that book of yours?” I asked with a laugh. 

“I skimmed through it.” He admitted casually. 

“I promise you if you had read _any_ of it, you wouldn’t have asked me that question. He wasn’t a king, he just has a fancy chair—“

“In a throne room. Is that not evidence of kingship?” Loki clarified. 

“It’s not a throne room. It’s just a…big room? Why are you so obsessed with this?”

“I was curious. You wouldn’t tell me therefore I sought information elsewhere.”

“Don’t say it like I withheld information from you. You woke me up at four in the morning to ask me about loose change. You’re lucky I even woke up to answer you at all.” I bit back turning onto my side to glare at him. 

“Is pink lemonade made from pink lemons?” Loki asked. 

“Yes.” I answered smiling sweetly. _And just like that I’ll take my revenge. You’re so gullible that it’s adorable._ I tried not to giggle and give myself away. I wondered how long he would believe this. 

“Why do I get the feeling you’re trying to mislead me?” Loki asked, his eyes beginning to search for a trace of dishonesty. 

“No idea. You know…you learned to ride a bike in _two_ hours. I dare say that’s a record.” I stroked his cheek, letting my thumb graze over his stubble. Loki smiled and pulled me lower to kiss me. 

“You didn’t think I could let you best _me_ did you?” He asked. I let him pull my leg over his lap, until I was forced to straddle him. With a little bit of nonverbal persuasion, I relaxed and settled astride him.

“Hell no. You’re far too ornery for any of that.” I sighed, having to chuckle a bit at the statement.

“You look beautiful like this. Can you imagine how wonderful this would be if these weren’t in the way?” Loki asked. His hands had roamed up my thighs until he could slide a finger under the edge of my shorts and my panties, edging closer to my ladybusiness. 

I gasped when his finger tickled the edge of my womanhood. “Loki, we are in public. There are laws against that…park rangers…families with kids—“ 

“All of which should mind their business. We have been here for a long while and I have not seen another person in that time.” Loki mentioned. 

Still I shook my head in protest. “I didn’t bring any protection with me.“ _Now you’re just looking excuses._

“You underestimate me Eleanor. I know your preferences and as such I always travel prepared for the occasion. However I can assure you, it would not be a necessity—“

“Oh it is most certainly a necessity.” I argued, wasting no time to correct him. 

“You don’t trust me?” He asked gently, his lips curling in a slight smirk. I felt my stomach knot with anxiety at the mere suggestion suggestion. It was no secret that he only used protection because I insisted. Loki never asked about this before. Ever since I’d stood my ground on this the first night we’d become intimate, he’d left it alone and accepted this as his cost of admission. Until now that is, when he decided to test my resolve. _Or test my nerves._

“I trust you with a lot of things, just not that…or open heart surgery. Besides I’d never trust anyone with _that_ , not even myself.” I told him. Instead of giving his motion any more attention, I leaned down to kiss him. There was no way that I could deny the throbbing need between my legs with his body beneath mine or the delicious kisses he left on my lips. In the midst of our passionate exchange his hands came to the edge of my shirt and he lifted the flowing fabric over my head. I can’t believe that you’re letting him persuade you into doing this here. 

I hadn’t been on top very much, whenever I was it was dark or I was too sleepy to really take in the sight of him beneath me. I let my hands tug at his shirt until he sat up far enough for me to pull it over his head. Now Loki kissed me harder, perusing me when I pulled back to try to unbutton his jeans. I was forced to break our kiss long enough to speak. “Loki quit it for fifteen seconds and help me get to your cock please.” I giggled. With some careful negotiating and maneuvering, we shed out lower layers. “I swear if someone walks up on us I’m going to die of embarrassment.”

“Then they will have me to deal with. I will not tolerate interruptions.” Loki replied.

“I’m sure they will be terrified.” I laughed.

“Ride me.” Loki demanded, his hands urging me towards him until I straddled him once again. His slippery length grazed my sex and I shuddered. Still I was eager to comply with his demand. I settled over his cock, letting him slid into me. I couldn’t take all of him right away. I had to let my body adjust to his girth before I could sink all the way over him. My hands spread against his chest and I held myself steady once I had accepted every inch of him. Loki’s hands caressed my thighs, rising higher until they rested at my hips. Then I started to grind against him and he guided my movements, urging me to increase my pace. _I like this more than I thought I would._

There was something delightfully powerful about being on top, being the one to force him to reach his peak with my actions. I liked looking down at him and knowing that I was the reason for his arousal. Every sigh and husky breath was because of what I could do for him, what I could make him feel. Nothing came come close to that kind of satisfaction.

Then Loki rolled me onto the blanket and I held onto him when he thrust into me. Each time our bodies would collide, I’d whimpered and attempt to muffle my moans against his shoulder. “Let me hear you dove. I want to hear that sweet voice crying out for me.” Loki groaned. I let slip a quiet cry, testing my ability to go against my better judgment. I was less shy after that, greedily moaning every time he’d thrust and connect with a place that made my toes curl or my back arch with ecstasy. We reached our climaxes together. My supple channel clenched and pulsing around him, drawing out every last bit of his essence. Loki faltered, his muscles tensing with his release. Then we were spent, breathless and intertwined in the aftermath.

Our bodies were sticky with sweat yet at the same time there was something irresistibly hot about having just fucked in the woods. I felt rugged and carefree then grungy and bashful all at the same time. I liked it because it was forbidden. I don’t know why though, this _was_ how mankind had survived for this long. Screwing in the wilderness had been the only way to do it for much of our history. Only recently did society decide that sating our animalistic instincts out in nature should be a taboo. 

Loki held me close, doted me with gentle kisses until I had to push him away to resurface for air. Neither of us hurried to redress. For some reason I got a thrill out of knowing that we could get caught. So we lounged in the nude, whispering sweet nothings beneath the trees until the sun started to get low. Only then did we collect ourselves and pack for the ride home. 

We made it back to my building not long after sundown and I let him shower first while I took Kat out for her walk. He was in his boxers calling for delivery when we returned. Loki’s arm caught me around my middle as I went to pass him in the kitchen. “I ordered your usual from the Thai restaurant you like. Do you have any objections?” He asked. 

“You know I have one—“

“I won’t acknowledge that one. Go take your shower.” Loki dissuaded, smacking my ass to get me moving. _And that was his way of telling you that you stink._ I chuckled to myself and I left him in the kitchen. 

I went into the bathroom and stood beneath the steaming spray, scouring away the sweat and grime from my body. Mid-lather I noticed his bottle of shower gel on the ledge next to mine. I could smell the lingering masculine scent in the air as I washed myself in my own sweet aroma. I liked the way that our fragrances mingled; it brought back a feeling of nostalgia that I couldn’t quite place. That seemed to be happening a lot lately, especially when I was around Loki. When I finished I stepped out and dried myself off. Then I noticed his deodorant on the counter right beside to mine. _I’m sensing a pattern here._

I pulled on my pajamas which, really only consisted of an over sized t-shirt and panties. I’d found that Loki liked it when I wore that to bed. I suppose it was less for him to negotiate when he cozied up to me in the middle of the night. If he could have it his way I’m sure I would be naked all the time, ready to turn over and spread my legs for him at a moments notice. In a perfect world I suppose I would want that too, not that I’d ever admit it aloud.

I came back to the living room just in time to see Loki bringing in our dinner. We folded ourselves on the sofa, watching something stupid while scarfing down our food straight from the take out containers. Kat even curled up on the floor next to us. Up until now, she had refused to come any closer to Loki than she had to. She wouldn’t even come near me when I was with Loki. I guess she finally disliked being forced to keep her distance enough to start making some compromises. Not long after we finished our food, I was yawning.

For once I wasn’t the one to fall asleep here on the sofa. Loki turned in his sleep and cuddled closer, using my boobs for pillows. His arm draped over my belly and he held me like he was afraid that I would somehow vanish from beneath him. _I’m not going anywhere._ I stroked his hair and took advantage of my chance to hold him like this. It wasn’t often I got this opportunity. Loki always preferred to be the big spoon for obvious reasons. 

The sleepier I got the more I wished that I could curl up in bed. I nudged Loki a few times until he roused. For a few moments he was somewhat disoriented, holding tighter to me until he could remember where he was. Loki was still in that foggy place between consciousness and sleep, so I was gentle with him, making sure to only wake him enough to guide him to the bedroom. “Let’s go to bed.” I whispered, gently urging him to do as I asked. 

Loki allowed me to pull myself from beneath him. Then I took him by the hand and lead him to my bed. Loki flopped onto the mattress; reaching out for me the instant his head hit the pillow. I slid between the sheets and he wrapped his limbs around me once again. Exhausted from our busy day and satisfied from our dinner, I knew Loki wasn’t going to be bothering me tonight. _What a pity._ We’d both rest well for once. I always did when he was there with me and tonight would be no different.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I thought it was a good idea for something sweet to follow the last chapter. I should have the next one up for you soon. Let me know what you think or don't, the choice is always yours.


	18. Relapse

The buzzer from the door downstairs sounded across the room. I knew exactly who was trying to get a hold of me. He’d already called five times today and left two voicemails that I refused to listen to. Now he was at the door. I pulled the blanket over my head and turned over to face the back of the sofa. Loki would just have to come back another time. I simply couldn’t gather the motivation to make myself presentable. I didn’t want him to see my like this. 

These last few days had been a living hell. I was a walking disaster and not just because of how I looked. I was more of a catastrophe on the inside than the out. _It’s because you stopped even pretending to take your meds._ Maybe it really was my fault this time. For weeks I’d been trying to will away my crazy; abusing what fragile strength I had forged in the hopes that I was out of the woods for good this time. In the end there was a good chance my inaction had made a bad situation even worse. 

It always began the same way. On minute everything was fine and then the next I was blindsided with hallucinations that I could only hope spawned from my twisted imagination…

* * *

For once I was on time for work and my boss was the one who was running thirty-five minutes late. Even though the store didn’t open until nine, Kevin was always there by seven. I on the other hand tried to clock in a few minutes early as often as I could. I liked to believe that it compensated for the days when I barely made it in before opening. Thankfully Kevin never got bent out of shape over me being a couple minutes late every now and again, not that I took advantage of his leniency. We’d had a few chuckles at his expense when he’d arrived and then we got started for the day.

I brought a couple cases of inventory from the back to start stocking the shelves. We’d just gotten another shipment of the rust resistant paints last night. It had been out of stock for weeks, much to our customers’ displeasure. I was even considering buying some for my bike. There were a few places on the frame that were dangerously weathered. While I got into a comfortable rhythm, retrieving the little glass jars and arranging them neatly on the shelf; Kevin was busy with a few repair projects that were due for pick up this afternoon. 

In an unusual wave of optimism, I had high hopes that today would be a good day. Kat had been extra playful this morning and I’d even had the mojo to fix myself breakfast. My thoughts began to wonder while I worked and of course they meandered to Loki. I considered inviting him over for dinner tonight. Even though I didn’t have very much money, I had gone for groceries before paying all the bills that I could manage this month. I daydreamed about what I might try to cook for him. It certainly wouldn’t be gourmet, though I might be able to manage something a step above cereal. 

Usually I’d confer with Kat before making this kind of decision. She’d be able to give me some solid advice since she was familiar with my cooking. Kat even seemed to like it more than her kibble. I guess that isn’t saying much considering she is a dog and kibble is disgusting. Regardless, taking the leap from ordering takeout to preparing a whole meal for him was going to be an adventure to say the least. With my mind elsewhere it wasn’t surprising when one of the jars slipped through my fingers. The glass smashing into the tile at my feet and in that very instant, my hard won stability was shattered.

Paint splashed across the floor, erupting in a tsunami of red that gushed into every corner of my view. For what felt like hours I was disoriented, tumbling in to the abyss in my mind. When my vision began to clear, I found myself on my back in some cold dimly lit corridor. I was looking up at ornate stonewalls that towered high above me. They came together the darkened archways overhead. From what I could see it looked like a palace, a beautiful yet otherworldly kind of place. 

I tried to look around only to find that I was pinned to the floor beneath something heavy. Then I was slammed with a gust of paralyzing fear. It was the kind of primal fear that only happened in life threatening situations. With only this for context, I knew that I was fighting for my life but not why. _I don’t remember there being a struggle._

Someone moved the weight off my chest and pulled me to my feet with urgency. It was then that saw my victim. The imposter guard lay in a lake of his own blood with his throat flayed open like a piece of meat. I felt sick, knowing without a doubt that he was my victim. _You killed him._ I wanted to scream in horror and I felt myself trying to no avail. My voice wouldn’t leave my throat no matter how hard I tried to force it out. It was the same as when I tried to run in my dreams where I could never pick my feet up fast enough to get away.

I looked down to see my fingers clenched around the hilt of a dagger. Blood dripped from its tip and the sound of each droplet meeting the floor rang in my ears. Initially, I questioned why I killed him and my thoughts raced in a panic. Slowly my confusion began to erode. I started collecting answers almost before I’d posed the question in my head. In a strange way it felt like I was remembering as the events unfolded. _If you hadn’t killed him something worse would have happened and you **will never** allow that, not as long as you still have a breath in your body._

I began to piece together my fragmented thoughts until I could see that my fear extended beyond my individual wellbeing to that of another person. I was protecting someone that I didn’t want to have to live without. With this revelation I became frantic, searching for this unknown person in desperation. _Where are they? Where is he?_ Then I went still, feeling intuitively that I wasn’t alone. No, I had never been alone. All of my senses bent around them, leaving an eerily blank space in my perception. I couldn’t see them but now that I’d started searching I could tell _someone_ was there. No matter how hard I focused, I couldn’t unscramble the void to get a glimpse of the person hidden in full view. 

Then a voice came through the haze, “I told you to run.” Their words were muffled and almost unintelligible, yet I’d heard them anyway. In that tiny breakthrough, I rediscovered the voice of someone familiar. Their voice alone brought me comfort and teased even more of my dormant emotions out of hiding. Love, compassion, and friendship all blossomed in my heart for them. 

“And if I’d listened to you…you’d be—“ I heard myself stammer. 

Just as suddenly as I’d been swallowed up by this vision, I found myself trust back into the isle at work. I was shaking and my fist was clenched around a box cutter, ready to embed it in anyone who came too close. The floor was littered with all the merchandise that I’d knocked from the shelves in my terror but there was no blood. There was no palace around me, no slaughtered guard but most importantly that voice was gone. The longer I was back in reality the more my delusion faded like a dream, taking my memory of that person along with it. I desperately tried to hold onto their voice, the one I knew belonged to someone vitally important to me. I didn’t know who it belonged to or why I cared this much. All that I could accept was that they had been taken from me again and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

“Eleanor, listen to me. You’re safe…can you hear me? Eleanor!” Kevin was trying to calm me down. He was speaking to me from the end of the isle, having had the good sense not to approach me while I had a blade in my possession. Apparently my voice _had_ been working this whole time. I just couldn’t hear it until now. Frantically I scanned my surroundings, attempting to remember why I was standing here. _No…no no no not again. This can’t be happening again._

A deep sense of yearning spread from within my core. I wanted to go home, not to my apartment or back to Maine but to my **real** home. I didn’t belong here anymore and I wanted to go back. I didn’t know where home was or how to get there only that I desperately wanted to return. It left a sinking feeling in my chest that swallowed every other emotion until all I was left with was grief and anguish. I stumbled backward and I heard the box cutter clatter the floor. The noise sounded so far away even though I was sure that I’d dropped it at my feet. 

Kevin continued to inch closer, trying his best to help me. He searched for any words that might calm my distress even thought I knew it was already too late. No matter how much I pleaded with myself not to cry, the weeping started anyway. There was nothing I could do to stop it. Greif stricken sobs made my entire body quiver and every fiber of my being cried out for the piece of me that had been stolen. 

It had been a long time since anyone had looked at me this way. Their eyes always called me crazy while their words tried to earn my trust. I only wished that I hadn’t seen that look on Kevin’s face. He’d never see me the same way again. _No one ever did. Not after this._ He picked up the box cutter, slowly tucking it in his pocket and out of my reach. 

I’d seen and felt things this time; things I knew couldn’t be real. _Things I hoped weren’t real._ Something as innocuous as a little jar of red paint had been enough to push me over the edge. My everyday life was now a minefield of potential triggers, waiting to throw me into a downward tailspin. It had been years since I’d lost control like this. In all honesty I was still been recovering from the first time something like this had happened to me. I guess I needed to accept that I’d never be able to move on with my life. Every time I thought I might be getting better, these breakdowns always returned to set me back. I just wanted to live without fear of myself or of these horrifying visions that I hoped to **gods** weren’t memories. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. More importantly, I didn’t want to know if I had already.

* * *

With the help of the medications I should have been taking all along, it only took the last four days for me to start my slow recovery. I hadn’t cried at all today. I also didn’t feel very much of anything either. As long as I wasn’t a basket case, I considered that an improvement. Past experience had taught me that even though moving forward from this point was going to be difficult, it was still doable. I’d just have to dig deep and find the strength to keep pushing myself to get up each morning. Though as the days carried on I was starting to question just how much I had left to give. 

A heavy knock came from my front door and I sat bolt upright. “Ele are you home?” Loki called through the door. _How the hell did you get in?_ Of course Kat ran right over to the entryway and started howling at the door. If Loki was going to be this persistent I almost didn’t put it past him to show up on my balcony next. _Then I’d have nowhere to hide._ Against my better judgment I peeled myself off the sofa and quietly moved towards the door. 

“Ele please open up.” I heard Loki say from the other side. I hesitated, debating whether or not I should do what he asked. I could pretend that I wasn’t home. I wasn’t obligated to let him in. I didn’t owe him anything. “I know you’re standing there. I can see your shadow. I only need to see that you are all right. Please…just let me talk to you for a moment.” The concern in his voice gave me butterflies in my stomach. It broke my heart to hear his desperation, so I felt compelled to at least show him that I was still alive. With some residual hesitance, I unlocked the deadbolt and pulled the door open just a crack. 

“How’d you get up here?” It had been days since I’d heard my voice. After endless hours of crying it was hoarse and so faint that I almost didn’t even hear myself.

“I followed one of your neighbors inside. I’ve been calling you, Christa says you’ve called out these last four days, and then Kevin told me that something happened at work. Are you ok?” Loki asked quickly. 

“It’s been a shit week Loki. Did Kevin tell you all of my business?” I asked bitterly. 

“He didn’t. He just insisted that I check on you. He was very concerned, as am I. Can I come in?” Loki clarified. I was torn. A large part of me wanted to let him in and yet my body seemed disconnected from my will. I’d always pushed everyone away who tried to comfort me. I did it out of fear that they might get closer than I could control. So in defense I kept my distance from everyone emotionally and physically. That way when things like this happened, I could cut my losses and run from the embarrassment. I’d already crossed one of my boundaries and I was threatening to shatter the other.

Since the incident at work, I’d contemplated moving to a different city or even just finding another job to replace the one at the bike shop. I wanted to go somewhere new where no one seen me humiliate myself. Deep down I still knew that running never solved the problem; it only isolated me further. It kept me alone until I didn’t know how to open up anyone or until I was too afraid to let anybody get close to me. _He’ll leave you behind too. Just you wait._

Almost in spite of that thought, I opened the door far enough to let Loki step inside. It was an unconscious action. I don’t know why I was allowing him to enter my disaster. My rational mind wanted him to stay as far away from me as possible, only I wasn’t exactly rational right now. I was teetering someplace dangerous and letting him through the door was the least damaging thing I was inclined to impulsively do today.

“Sorry about the mess.” I mentioned as I walked back into the kitchen. And it truly was a mess. Every inch of counter space was occupied by some unwashed dish or leftover takeout box. I was never a slob except for times like these, when it was all that I could do to put the bare minimum towards personal hygiene. Sometimes I couldn’t even manage that. He ought to be glad I’d forced myself to bathe this morning.

Loki closed the door and silently observed the state of my apartment. I busied myself in the kitchen, trying to do anything that would keep me from having to face him. _Why did you let him in? You could have stayed on the sofa and pretended your weren’t here._ Loki approached me from behind and I flinched when he tried to rest his hand at the small of my back. Instead of upsetting me further, he relented and gave me the space that I needed. “Can I ask what happened?” He was standing behind me but I knew better than to try to look at him. 

“No, you can’t. All that you need to know is that I’m alright now.” I answered, though my voice was cold. I sounded like I as trying to convince myself more than I was trying to be believed.

“Ele you don’t need to lie to me.” 

“What makes you think that I’m lying?” I demanded.

“I’m not blind. I can see for myself that you are not alright in any sense of the word.” I chuckled, not because it was funny. If I didn’t laugh I’d cry. “Were you ignoring my calls the way you tried to evade me at the door?” Loki asked. 

Without warning a hot wave of rage seared beneath the surface. “Loki I wasn’t blowing you off! It was the phone bill or rent and I need a place to live more than I needed to talk to you.” I snapped. My voice quivered, and I was on the verge of tears again. _Don’t let him do this to you._ I knew I shouldn’t be shouting at him like this. Here he was trying to help me and I’m screaming at him like it was his fault that I’m insane and poor. Then again Loki had invited himself into my mess, per usual. Therefore he subjected himself to whatever swings my mood decided to take. 

“Why didn’t you mention this to me? I would have—“ 

“God dammit Loki! I won't asking you for money. I don’t want it. I’d rather go without than to beg you for anything.“ I spat, having to wipe away the tears as they fell.

“You wouldn’t need to beg. I wouldn’t force you to stoop so low.” Loki assured me. 

“You know what…it’s not important. I get paid in a few days and I’ll get them they’re money then. This isn’t the first time this happened and it won’t be the last. Besides you basically follow me everywhere anyway. I didn’t think that my phone being off would’ve made a difference to you.” I muttered. 

Loki put his hand over mine, closing his fingers until he was holding my hand. “Look at me.” He whispered. At first I resisted him, then Loki carefully turned me around to face him. 

“Why are you here? I have absolutely nothing to offer you and…” I couldn’t even finish my sentence before more tears got in the way. All the energy that I’d reserved for today was spent. I was a hollow shell of myself, standing before him on the brink of implosion. 

“Because you mean the world to me. Therefore it’s my obligated to do all that I can to help.” Loki smiled at me, hoping that in this instance it might be contagious.

I shook my head, “You can’t fix this.” I whispered. I could see his mind working, trying to find the right way to approach what I’d said to him. 

“You could be right, but that isn’t going to stop me from trying.” he rebutted. 

“You’d just be wasting your time.” I murmured as I pulled away from him. Loki didn’t try to keep me close, instead he allowed me to put some distance between us. 

“When is the last time you left your apartment?”

The abrupt change of subject took me by surprise. “Three days...four maybe. Why?” 

“Let me take you out for some fresh air. You’ve been locked away for far too long. Believe you me, I know what can happen to your state of mind when you’ve behind the same four walls day in and day out.” He suggested. At first all I could imagine was dissolving into another fit of tears or hallucinating in public. Neither of which was inviting. 

I shook my head in fear. “No.” 

“It will be ok.” Loki persuaded. I wanted to protest harder and tell him that it wouldn’t. He couldn’t stop something terrible from happening. “I won’t let anything happen to you. Trust me.” He lifted my chin so that I looked him in the eye. There was no hiding their bloodshot up this close. He saw it all and for some reason he stayed right here in front of me. I tried to disagree again but he rested his forehead against mine. “Trust me dove.” 

“I don’t want to be around a bunch of people.” I whispered.

“We won’t be.” He assured me. Again I was hesitant and yet somehow I still let him convince me. “Get dressed and come with me.” 

With a defeated sigh, I agreed. _You’re going to regret this._ I went back into the bedroom and as I passed the full-length mirror my reflection startled me. Dark circles had formed beneath my eyes and my uncombed hair was a tragic sight. Even though I didn’t want to, I started combing out the tangles until it was tamed enough to tie up. After I finished brushing my teeth, I noticed Loki had started straightening up the kitchen for me. I pulled on one of my lazy shirt-dresses and hurried to stop him before he came across the litany of antipsychotic pills next to the sink. I was not in the mood to explain those today or any day really.

“Can we just go? You don’t need to do all this.” I started to snatch things out of his hands, dropping them into the trashcan in exasperation. Loki backed away and for once did exactly what I asked him to do. The sooner we got out of here, the farther away from my sanctuary I would be when I changed my mind about leaving in the first place. Without another word Loki lead me out of my apartment. The longer we walked, the more I felt myself giving my trust to him. I was trusting Loki not to lead me into a crowd of strangers who might witness another one of my glorious meltdowns. Before Loki came along, I never would have allowed myself to be this vulnerable with anyone. Once again he was an exception to on of my many rules. 

After walking for a while I recognized where Loki was taking me. He’d brought me to the pier, the very spot that I always came to whenever I needed to escape my reality. Whether I was having a bad day or struggling with something more serious, I came here to find my inner peace. I don’t know how he knew where I would normally go at a time like this. Though it was probably best that I didn’t ask. I was almost certain that I wouldn’t like the answer anyway. Loki always seems to know things about my life that he shouldn’t. 

Rather than taking my hand the way that he normally would have, Loki offered me his. He let me choose to accept or reject this closeness. I accepted of course, putting my hand in his as we walked along the shoreline. Every now and again the breaking waves would wash the warm water across our feet. Aside from the few people scattered farther down the beach, we were alone the way he had promised. In our silence I heard gentle music beginning to waft from the pier, not that I had any idea who was performing tonight. Their folksy melodies started to put me at ease, beginning to uncoil the anxiety that tightened in my chest. 

“You used to come here often. In the evenings when I was on my way back to my place, I would see you sitting by water. I thought that since today is a nice day, you might like to come here.” Loki finally said to me.

I gave him half of a nod, “I come here when I don’t want to think.” 

“In my experience that is when you tend to do the most thinking.” Loki added.

“What do you think about in situations like that?” I asked. Loki shrugged, clearly not having anticipated my question. At first I wondered if he would even tell me. Loki was forward about some things, like how beautiful he thought I was but he never shared very much about his deeper thoughts. To be fair, I didn’t either. I had my reasons, so I was sure he had his.

“I wonder if I will ever again have a place to call my own, a place where I truly belong. Will I ever not be a disappointment to someone that I care about?” Loki confessed. The way that he spoke I could tell that he was leaving a lot of things out, handpicking what he was most comfortable with sharing at the moment. No one is perfect and everyone has issues. There’s something dissatisfying in everyone’s life and in everyone’s past, yet each time I saw Loki he always seemed to have it together. So to hear this was a bit surprising.

“Why don’t you feel like you belong anywhere?”

“I _don’t_ belong anywhere. Everything that I’ve known about myself was a lie. My home was never really my home. My so-called family… wasn’t my family. _I’m_ not who I was raised to believe I was. It’s difficult to feel any sense of belonging if you consider all that.” He mentioned quietly. When he said it he wore the ghost of a smile, the kind that I knew hid a deeper pain.

“If you didn’t still feel some connection to your family or your home then it wouldn’t weigh heavily on your mind. I don't say that to diminish how you feel at all. You have every right to feel the way you do. If they’re your family, I’m sure they still feel like you belong with them.” I looked at him, curious to see what I would find in his expression. To my surprise there was genuine vulnerability, a look I’d never seen in his eyes before.

Loki shrugged, taking even longer to reply this time. “What’s done is done and there is no going back, not that I have anything to go back to. How I feel or how they feel doesn't make a difference. I’m here with you and that is _all_ that I care about.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel any better, you’ve never disappointed me.” I mentioned quietly. There wasn’t anything more that I could add. I didn’t need him giving his input on my current situation, so I wouldn’t cross that line with him. Soon we were running out of beach to stroll and instead of walking any farther, we sat down in the warm sand. Loki let me lean against his shoulder and I let him support me, in almost every sense of the word. I hadn’t expected this outing to help as much as it had. Getting out of my apartment was exactly what I needed, even if I hadn’t realized it.

I was suddenly thankful that he’d come to check on me. Loki was here for me when he didn’t have to be bothered with my issues. He wasn’t getting anything out of this and yet he still tried. It was easy to forget that not so long ago Loki and I had been strangers or that there had been a time when I couldn’t look in his direction without feeling excruciating panic. Now I feared there might come a day when he wouldn’t turn up unannounced at my door and I panicked whenever I imagined returning to the life that I had before I’d met him. Loki hadn’t quite seen me at my worst but he was willing to help piece me back together in the aftermath. He hadn’t given up on me the way I had given up on myself. 

The longer I kept him at an emotional distance the more I wondered when he might no longer see a point in staying. I had feelings for him. It was more than just the casual lust and petty infatuation. Instead of owning them, I forced myself to repress them because I was afraid of being hurt or left behind. It wasn’t fair to Loki that I was terrified of my own emotions or that I came with preexisting damages. 

These last three and a half years had been extremely difficult for me. It wasn’t enough that I’d forgotten years of my life or that that trauma still haunted me when I least expected it. I had to make it harder on myself by barricading my feelings behind layer after layer of excuses and reasons for needing to be alone. Then after each time that Loki and I would spend the day together or I’d wake up next to him after a night of passion, I would still try to convince myself that I could control how fast I was falling for him. I said I wanted to take things slow but that wasn’t possible anymore. 

What was the point of even dating him if I was never going to let him see how much he meant to me? I complained about suffering through this nightmare alone and yet when I had someone physically pry me out of my hermit lair because they wanted to help me, I still pushed him away. I had been afraid of so many things for too long. If I was ever to stop this never-ending cycle, I had to let someone in. Why shouldn’t that someone be Loki?

I had to take baby steps in reclaiming control in my life, not just in rebuilding myself after the incident at work but also in coming to terms with the chunk of my life that I’d forgotten. Letting myself feel affection and trust for someone was a part of that healing. So I gathered my courage and decided it was now or never. I had nothing else to lose. “I think I’m ready to try.” I whispered, never looking up at him. 

“Try what?” Loki asked me, his confusion present in his voice. 

“I want to try being a part of a we and not just me.” I answered. Loki shifted, rearing back far enough to read my expression. 

“Are you certain? As much as it delights me to hear you say this, I would hate for you to wake up tomorrow and have second thoughts.” 

“Loki I said I wanted to try and I mean it. You know I can’t half-ass something like this. You’ve been good to me since the first time I really started to get to know you and I feel a connection with you that I’ve never had with anyone else. There is no reason why I shouldn’t give us a chance.” I leaned against his shoulder as I spoke, trying my hardest to relax and let us fall into a comfortable place I knew we could easily share. My body recognized how close we could be; it was second nature at this point. As always my mind resisted, but I refused to let that keep up apart anymore.

I felt Loki smile, he kissed the side of my head and his arm came around my side. “You’re trying and that is all I can ask of you.” Loki stated. We were both relieved that I’d come around to the idea of officially being a couple, even if Loki wouldn’t say so.

“I don’t know why I do the things that I do. I want to be with you and it terrifies me to care for someone or to need anybody.” I said quietly. 

“I know the feeling. Only you know how far you’re willing to go and at what pace. No one else can determine that for you.” He told me. I closed my eyes and let the music drown out my moodiness. I couldn’t let myself overthink this. I wanted to accept it and move forward knowing that Loki was going to be a part of my life from here on out. 

For as long as I could remember, I’d been alone because I thought I needed to be in order to deal with the hallucinations or days of nonstop tears that nothing ever seemed to soothe. When I was with Loki it was easy to see that this wasn’t true. As we watched the sun sink below the horizon, I was grateful that he’d come along to save me from myself.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Well there you have it, some memories. I know I know not quite what you meant but she is getting there. The next chapter will not be as dark I promise. Actually the next two are very light hearted and almost cute. The next chapter should be up way sooner than this one.
> 
> If you haven't read Dark Horse or if you just forgot some of the events from the first story the memory that she is reliving is from the night of the breech right before Loki became King. (Chapter 32:(Up)Rising to Power) Ele had to kill one of the rebels who'd been posing as a guard because he'd stabbed Loki and was about to kill him. I didn't want to copy and paste a whole section from the last story so if it was a little too vague you can reread that chapter and dub this piece over it.


	19. Polaroids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Smut** and Plot

I stared up at the ceiling, watching the faint beams of sunlight sneaking through the window. The curtains were drawn, though it was still visibly morning on the other side. My alarm hadn’t gone off yet, not that I was in a hurry to face the day. I didn’t move to get up or make any effort to leave this bed. I simply chose to lie there and admire the sleeping man by my side. It was funny how quickly I was getting used to having him here with me when I woke up. 

Loki had hardly left me by myself for more than a few minutes since he had come to check on me. There was no way he could have known just how desperate my situation had gotten. With only his actions to consider, I was gathering that he had had a better idea that I initially gave him credit for. Loki hadn’t seen everything but he’d seen farther into my personal hell than anyone ever had. That was difficult for me to accept. I’d believed that once I’d gotten past my initial reluctance, I wouldn’t hesitate each time that I wanted to open up to him. That wasn’t the case. Each day brought new struggles and I still hadn’t found the courage to share the most intimate details. Maybe I could get to that point one day. Even with these constant emotional challenges, I still believed in my heart that Loki was worth it. 

Aside from this, the other lesson that I had been learning was that I really liked sharing my bed with him. Before, I had imagined that it would feel crowded and irritating after this many consecutive nights. Surprisingly we’d shared many evenings here and never once had become unbearable. It also helped that Loki still knew who was boss while he was asleep. There had been a couple nights where I had gotten up to pee and found him clinging to his edge the mattress. Meanwhile I had been comfortably sprawled across the other ninety-five percent of the bed. There was only so much real estate on a double to begin with and Loki always got the tiniest sliver. My newfound fondness for sharing didn’t exactly equate to being good at it. 

This morning he was facing me and our limbs were entwined. I didn’t dare move for fear of disturbing him. Inevitably I would have to get up for work and we’d go our separate ways until later this afternoon. That part wasn’t something I ever looked forward to. _You ought to let him sleep in. It won’t kill you._ We were certainly at a point in our relationship where I could leave him alone at my place for a couple hours. I trusted that Loki wouldn’t rob me of the seven valuables that I owned. 

My shifts at the bike shop never lasted for more than a few hours and Kevin was closing the store early today anyway. It wasn’t like I’d be gone for very long. On top of that Loki hadn’t mentioned having any plans for later. However, the most enticing tidbit was that I’d have someone else to come home to. My little abode always felt more like _home_ when he was here. After some deliberation, I decided that if he chose to stay I would let him. Now that I had made my choice, I was more at ease. It had been ages since I’d felt this relaxed and even then I owed that wonderful moment to Loki as well. I had no idea where I would be right now without him. _No place good, that you can be sure of._

While I was lost in my thoughts, I saw his expression tense as he slept. I stroked his cheek in a gentle attempt to comfort him. Instead of helping, it must have made it worse. Loki’s brow knit in distress and his breathing grew heavy. He gasped and violently sat bolt upright in bed. This outburst startled me and I stilled next him. A few seconds passed before he could settle down or allow the tension to leave his shoulders. Once he collected himself, he huffed a deep exhale and looked down at me. There was an indiscernible emotion in his eyes that made my heart ache. He tried to repress it but it was too powerful for him to hide away.

“Bad dream?” I asked quietly. Loki nodded, choosing not to explain any further. He lay back down, pulled me into his arms, and left a tender kiss on my forehead. “I have them like that too sometimes. What was it about?” I ran my fingers through his hair. Any other time this would relax him. Whatever was on his mind, it weighed so heavily that even my massaging couldn’t calm him. 

Loki hesitated, fighting earnestly with himself to put his nightmares into words. “He was hurting you and I couldn’t stop him. You were screaming for me to help you and…I couldn’t get to you. They took you away from me.” Loki whispered. I’d never heard anyone sound so forlorn and full of regret. I shifted so that I could look him in the eye and I met that tormented stare with a consoling smile. 

“Then it’s a good thing it was only a dream.” I whispered, kissing him briefly. Loki didn’t agree with me the way I thought he would. The look in his eyes was no less tortured by his nightmare and I got the feeling that my answer had somehow done more damage. His sincerity was deeply unsettling and Loki arms tightened around me as if he feared that I wasn’t real. “Loki it’s ok. I’m fine. None of that was real. Nobody is hurting me now and I’m right here with you.” I assured to him. Suddenly it felt more like I was trying to convince myself that what I was saying was true and less like an attempt to comfort him. 

My alarm pierced the silence and with that, his moment of vulnerability dissipated. I watched as Loki hastily buried those emotions somewhere deep within himself. He wouldn’t tell me anything else about his nightmare but I could see that it still bothered him. “I forgot you were working today.” Loki sighed. He moved to get up and I caught him by the shoulder before he got very far.

“You could stay here if you want. I only have to go in for three hours.” I told him. In the back of my mind I still feared his rejection. Even after these last four days where he had shown me nothing but affection and compassion, I still worried that he might come to his senses and ditch me. However Loki’s demeanor brightened and he pulled me astride him. That was one of his favorite things to do to with me when he was happy about something. He’d throw me on his lap and look up at me with that charming grin. All was right in the world as far as he was concerned. “I hope that means you’ll stay.” I laughed. 

“Yes, I intend to stay.” Loki affirmed. His hands roamed up my thighs and around my hips, leisurely exploring my soft curves. I imagined that he was trying to commit every inch of me to memory just by touch alone. 

“Awesome. I’m only going to be gone for a little while. Don’t go snooping through my things and please for goodness sake don’t give Kat anything to howl about. I can’t afford another noise complaint this month. You’re welcome to anything in the pantry, but I might bring back some lunch so try not to eat me out of house and home before I return. Other than that, make yourself at home.” I explained as I climbed out of bed. 

“When have I ever given you the impression that I would invade your privacy?” Loki asked me. 

“Oh come on, I’m leaving you alone in my place without me for once. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t get curious and start peeking through drawers. I know if I were in your position I would at least be considering it. So let me squish your curiosity before it gets the better of you. My vibrator is in that nightstand right there. I have a stash of Reese’s cups for emergencies in the closet on the top shelf under the Hello Kitty blanket and if you look all the way to the right in my medicine cabinet you will find a plethora of embarrassing ointments. That just about covers the basics.” I stated with a reticent smile. 

Loki snorted, “Why do you assume that I’m human.” 

I just rolled my eyes, “Today’s going to be a scorcher. I suggest you ditch the jeans and put on some shorts.” He watched me saunter over to my closet, wearing that hungry stare that told me he was far too distracted to hear reason. While he was busy oogling, I pulled a pair of dark khaki shorts from my laundry pile. I’d been in the thrift store the other day when I stumbled across these. Immediately I’d imagined these shorts accentuating that tight booty of his. After that mental picture, I was determined to get Loki in these if I had to tie him up and wrestle them on. _Which also sounds like fun._

Loki rolled onto his back. “Everyday is miserable here.” He mumbled. 

“Well it wouldn’t be as miserable if you would loose some of those layers. I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but you could stand to get some sun…y’know to boost your Vitamin D levels and whatnot.” I teased throwing the shorts at him. They landed on his face and he helped them up to inspect them in the light. 

“Where is the rest of it?”

“It’s all there, I promise. You’ll look good in them. I double checked to make sure they were your size when you were in the shower the other morning.” I assured him. I grabbed the green sleeveless shirt that I’d bought to go with his shorts and tossed them onto the bed as well. Under normal circumstances I wasn’t a big proponent of gift giving and not just because of my shoestring budget. However, this wasn’t a normal circumstance. Loki had just spent the better part of a week keeping me company. In my mind, that was more than enough to warrant something in return.

After I’d dressed, I noticed Loki still trying to wrap his head around wearing the clothes that I’d given him. “I’ll tell you what. If you’re in that outfit when I get home, I’ll take it off of you myself.” I offered. Loki glanced up at me, unmoved by my proposition. 

“If I start giving you your way, you’ll soon forget who holds the authority here.” Loki replied, laying the shorts beside him on the covers.

I couldn’t stifle the snort of laughter that followed, “Get over yourself. Put on the damn shorts before you have a heat stroke. I like you much better when you’re not on death’s doorstep.” I leaned across the bed to kiss his temple and then hurried into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

“It will not be necessary if I stay indoors today.” Loki stated. He looked pleased with himself for finding a loophole in my request. 

“You’re so right about that—hey I just thought of something! It’s a perfect day to turn off the AC and open all the windows. Some fresh air would really brighten this place up.” I suggested with a wistful look in my eyes. Loki’s smile fell, landing in what I could only describe as a peeved grimace. “Don’t let me forget to do that before I leave. Ok?” _It’d also save me a shitload on the electric bill._ With my threat out there in the open for him to consider, I continued into the bathroom to finish getting ready for work. On my way out I stopped to check with him. “I’m going to let Kat inside. Do you want me lock her in the bathroom until I get home?” 

Loki shook his head and flopped back onto the pillows. “We’ll be fine. Don’t be late.” 

“Are you sure?” I asked cautiously. 

“I’m more than capable of subduing your animal should the need arise.” Loki added. This time his voice sounded impatient. That was a tone I’d never heard from him before. _And I don’t like it._

I looked away and decided that it was best to let the two of them work it out. As long as there was no bloodshed, I had to have faith that they would reach a mutual understanding sooner or later. “Just don’t hurt her please.” I added. In spite of my optimism, I still had a feeling that the three of us might never make for a picturesque happy family.

“You have my word.”

I told him that I’d be back shortly and then I left for work. My shift went by without incident. I changed a few tires and restocked a couple shelves, all the while doing everything in my power to avoid having to talk to Kevin. It was the first day that I was back to on the job after the incident. Loki had helped to convince me that skipping town wouldn’t fix anything. I don’t know if it was his words that changed my mind or the simple fact that I would’ve missed him too much if I’d left. To my relief Kevin didn’t bring up what had happened. Mostly because Kevin was too busy keeping up with his son to have any serious conversation. 

They were going on a father-son fishing trip this afternoon, hence the reason we were closing the store early. Kevin always tried to do things like this when it was his week to keep Connor. The divorce had been hard on the kid. I had only just started working here when Kevin filed his papers, so I’d see pretty much everything. Their fishing trips were the only things that helped them both to cope. Now that he and Loraine had gotten around the custody battle, they took as many trips as they could whenever the opportunity presented itself. Even though Kevin hadn’t outright admitted that he was doing it just in case he didn’t get custody of his son, I could read between the lines. At times it was hard to watch when I knew first hand just how close this duo was. 

A few minutes before closing, Connor came over to me. “Hey Eleanor, do you want this?” 

“What is it?” I asked, plastering on a friendly smile. He handed me an instant camera. I glanced back up at Kevin and he nodded to signal his approval. “Are you sure you won’t miss it?” I asked him, a bit skeptical of the random gift.

“Mom’s new boyfriend gave it to me but I already have one on my phone. It’s old and for old people.” Connor said with a shrug. 

I laughed, “Thank you for calling me an ‘old people’.” 

“I don’t think you’re old. Dad is old. You’re not. “ Connor hurried to clarify. 

“You don’t think it’ll make he’ll upset that you gave away his gift?” I asked him. Connor shook his head in disagreement. 

“Nope. He only cares about his Mom and beer. Hey dad how come you don’t have a girlfriend? Mom has a boyfriend—she has a lot of boyfriends sometimes.” I cringed. It couldn’t have been easy to listen to the soon to be ex-wife’s drama, but to Kevin’s credit he didn’t let his true feelings about it show. 

“I’ve got to have time for you kiddo. Between you and the shop, there just isn’t much time to be friends with a girl.” Kevin answered, patting the boy on the back. 

“Well Eleanor is at the shop all the time. She could be your girlfriend and you could go on dates here.” Connor announced, as if it was the greatest idea he’d heard all day. 

“Yeah…that’s almost a plan, except I don’t think my boyfriend would like that very much. Your dad is a great guy and some lady would be lucky to have the two of you one day.” I told Connor, saving Kevin the awkwardness of coming up with a response in front of me. 

“Who is you’re boyfriend? Do I know him? Do all boyfriends have to like beer?” Connor asked. 

I glanced at Kevin with a twinge of sympathy. “No, I don’t think all boyfriends like beer. Mine doesn’t…at least I don’t think he does—“ 

“Is he strong? Does he have muscles the size of my head?” Connor cut in excitedly. 

“His muscles aren’t the size of your head. I still think he’s pretty strong though.” I answered tucking the camera under my arm. 

“That’s enough questions. Go get your things together.” Kevin cut in. Connor reluctantly left us and went to the storeroom to do as he’d been told. “Sorry about him.” Kevin stated with a chuckle. 

“Don’t worry about it. He just doesn’t have a brain to mouth filter yet.” I replied with a nod. I tried my best to act normal. For a moment I saw the hint of concern in Kevin’s expression. He wanted to ask me how I was doing after what had happened. Thankfully he thought better of it and chose not to go there.

“You can get out of here. I’ll close up before we head out.” Kevin told me. 

“Are you sure? I can—“ 

“It’s fine. Go home and take it easy. ” He said, sliding the pack of extra film across the counter to me.

“Thanks. Catch a big one for me would you?” I joked. I went to get my purse from the storeroom and then I made my way back home. I wasn’t sure what I’d do with a camera like this. I’d always wanted one, though never enough to splurge on such a frivolous purchase. Then an idea came to mind and I got so excited that I had to hurry home. Along the way I stopped at the Mexican restaurant for lunch and I made sure to get extra chips and guacamole. Loki would certainly thank me for that. I had to fight with him the other night just to get him to try some. Then after he’d taken one bite, I couldn’t get him to share. 

When I came through the door Kat greeted me with lots of howls and whimpering, her usual behavior when I returned home. Surprisingly everything looked the way I’d left it. I guess I was expecting to walk into World War III. I could hear Loki moving around in the back, so I put our food on the table and went to find him. He’d opened the curtains and was just finishing with his shower. The smell of his soap still lingered in the air. When he stepped out of the bathroom, I noticed that his hair was still damp. My thoughts stopped there the instant I realized he was wearing the cloths that I’d given him. 

I bit my lip, trying to hide my excited smile. The last thing I wanted to do was show exactly how happy I was that he’d given me my way. If I wasn’t careful, he might refuse to do so ever again. “You look handsome.” I commented, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. 

“You expect me to show myself in public wearing only this?” He asked, looking down at himself in mild distress. 

“What’s wrong with it? You look good.” 

“This isn’t at all indecent to you?” He questioned with some exasperation.

“No, not at all. Show a little skin. It’s not like you’re wearing my shorts. That _would_ be indecent.” I giggled. Loki still looked uncomfortable. “You look hot. I’d tap that.” I smiled giving him another once over. 

“I thought this was supposed to be cooler—“ 

“Loki it’s an expression,” I laughed. “You look very attractive.” He seemed satisfied with that response. “Now, I have food and I brought you guacamole. I won’t even try to share this time.” I declared. Then I took him by the hand and led him to the table. Loki started unpacking our lunch and while he was busy with that, I unboxed the camera. When he was least expecting it, I snapped a picture of him just to test the quality.

Loki glared back at me, not at all amused with my antics. “Why?” 

“Why what?” I asked looking at the developing picture. I shook it a little bit, wondering it that would help it along. Loki took the picture from me and when he saw it, his expression quickly betrayed his astonishment. 

“My boss’s kid didn’t want it, so now I have it.” I explained. I had to get on my toes to see the candid photo over his shoulder. The picture was about halfway developed now and I was barely able to make out the underlying image. ”I think it’s cute.”

Loki grinned eagerly, “Finally, a Midgardian device I like.” He muttered to himself. 

“A what what now?” I asked raising an eyebrow. 

“Nothing.” Loki waved away the mention and took the camera from me. “How does this work?” 

I scoffed, “Damn if I know. I barely know how to use it.” I answered. 

“How do you use it?” He insisted more urgently this time. 

“Look through there and when you want to take the picture press that button.” I said pointing to the parts as I explained it to him. I gave my best Einstein impression and stuck out my tongue then Loki snapped a photo. “I probably look like shit in that one.” I mentioned as I took my place at the table. Loki slowly eased into his way to his seat, never taking his eyes off the picture. He watched it develop with fascination. “I didn’t think you’d like it this much.” I chuckled, taking a bite of my food. 

“You look lovely in this.” He stated, turning it around so that I could see. 

“Oh geez! Does my hair really look like that right now?” 

“What’s wrong with it? You look beautiful.” He protested. 

I sighed knowing that there was no use complaining to him about it. “You can keep that one then.” 

“I had planned to.” Loki went to take another picture and I stopped him. 

“It doesn’t have unlimited film. I’ve got something I’m saving it for.”

“And what’s that?” He asked, eager to take another one of me. 

“I figured we could get a little creative…a little risqué.” I said with an innocent shrug. 

Loki chuckled, “Do you require an image of me to comfort you in my absence? I didn’t think you missed me that much.” He jested. 

“No, not really. I always thought that that old saying, ‘take a picture, it’ll last longer’ was meant to be taken literally. I guess we’ll get to see first hand how true that is.” I retorted. I saw his eyes light with a shimmer of playfulness. 

“I’ll have no difficulty demonstrating my stamina. I could have you begging me for mercy long before that image deteriorates.” Loki challenged. The tone of his voice alone sent an excited shiver up my spine. 

“I believe you.” I dissuaded. There was a time to provoke that side of him, however that wasn’t the side I was most interested in teasing out at the moment. “We only have two boxes. I need to make these last. Maybe I’ll order some more film next week.” While I focused on eating, Loki was too excited about my new camera to be bothered with food. He fiddles with it, trying his best to understand how the device worked without breaking it. “Look it up online. There are a million and one sites that could explain how it works.” 

“Will you show me how?” Unlike him I was actually eating, so the best I could manage was a nod, since my mouth was full. Loki was satisfied with that answer and he went back to picking over his meal. 

Once we both ate what we wanted of our lunch, I took him by the hand and led him into my room. I shoved him onto the bed and when Loki went to right himself, I stopped him. “Stay still.” I ordered and he smirked knowing that I’d found something I liked in my viewfinder. I snapped the picture and put the negative on my dresser.

I liked this slightly disheveled look he had right now. His hair was wild and curly, the way it always was when he left it to do it’s own thing. I’d come home before he’d gotten to that part of his post-shower routine. If I’d let him, he’d spend ages in the mirror slicking back his hair. Don’t get me wrong, Loki was certainly good looking when he put in the effort but to me he was even more appealing when he didn’t. This was the real Loki and it was impossible for him to look more delicious than he did right now. _Wild curls and all._

“Take your shirt off. Don’t forget to be sexy when you do it…” I commanded playfully. 

“Everything that I do is _sexy_.” Loki countered. 

“Why did I think this would be a good idea? You’re already vain as hell as it is. I’m just feeding you ego.” I moved closer to him to take another picture. Then I realized that I’d ventured too close. Loki caught me around the waist and tossed me onto the bed beside him. He kissed me until I whimpered in protest and his mouth slowly moved down my throat, then progressively lower until I was breathless. 

Just when I lost focus, he stole the camera from my grasp and reared back to snap a picture of me in this flustered state. “Now you’ll see what I see,” He paused to join our lips again, “how beautiful you are when you’re flush from our coupling.” Loki bent to taste my neck again, seeming to never tire of the delicate junction at my throat. I giggled, holding him to me so that our bodies pressed harder against each other. That wasn’t very difficult to do considering his weight force me against the mattress. 

Loki ground his hips against mine and I couldn’t escape his intimacy. I was confined with no choice other than to accept each soft kiss and to ride every tingling wave of arousal his body incited in my lower region. When I least expected it, Loki reached up and pulled my hair tie from around my ponytail, liberating my rebellious tresses. They fell over my shoulders in a fluffy mess. He eased backward until he stood at the foot of the bed, focusing for another picture. I couldn’t not laugh at how seriously he was taking himself. 

Once he’d gotten the shot, I sat up in protest. “I want to do something more interesting than this. When I look back on these, I want get hot and bothered.” He moved closer to me and I didn’t reach for his camera like he expected. Instead I went for the button on his shorts. Through the sturdy fabric, I could see his stiffening manhood straining to break free of its confines. I unzipped his fly until his shorts were open enough for me to tug them down below his waist. Then I leaned forward and kissed the outline of his cock, nuzzling my cheek against his clothed stiffnes. The whole point of this was to have something steamy to look at later on. I didn’t want to come out of this with a dozen pictures of myself looking flirty and innocent because that sure as hell wasn’t what I wanted from him.

Before I could get him out of his boxers, Loki pulled my dress over my head and gestured for me to lie back. I let my hand slide over one of my breasts, squeezing it the way that he would if he were touching me. Loki didn’t need words to tell me when he liked what he saw. _A picture was worth a thousand of those._ I unfastened my bra and tossed it aside, trying to put on as much a show for his as I could. Another flash and I found myself smiling with genuine satisfaction. “Is this better?” 

“Yes.” He answered and his voice betrayed just how aroused he was. Loki pulled down my panties, tugging them until they slipped free of my ankles. “Touch yourself.” He whispered. His voice was husky and full of restrained desire. I did as he asked, letting my fingers slide through my wetness and I put myself on display for his viewing pleasure, both now and in the future. 

I waited for an opportunity and when he come close enough, I reached for the camera and took it from him. “My turn.” I smiled as I positioned him on the bed. “Loose the shirt.” He did what I asked as I got to my feet for a better angle. “Now stroke yourself.” 

“You get right to the point.” He chuckled. I nodded far too quickly and the sound of my girlish giggle threatened to ruin the mood. Loki dipped his hand below the waistband of his boxers and grasped his cock. All the while his eyes never left mine. _My ladyparts like this **very** much._ I clenched my thighs in a futile attempt to quell the tightening arousal between them. Soon I was watching him with the same hungry focus that Loki had had when he’d been on this side of the camera. At one point I’d gotten so absorbed in the show that I forgot I was supposed to be taking pictures. I was shamelessly admiring the way that he handled himself. My camera flashed and I set aside the photo. 

Just watching wasn’t enough for me anymore. I knelt between his knees and Loki relinquished control. I wrapped my fingers around his cock then turned the camera onto myself to take a selfie with his dick. _**Flash**_ He groaned, continuing to watch my hand moved up at down his shaft. “And one more just for you.” I whispered, kissing the engorged head. _**Flash**_ The heated lust that darkened his eyes was thrilling.

I liked the taste of him almost as much as I loved the sounds he made when I let him slide past my lips. I adored the moments when he sounded so masculine and rugged with every husky groan or baritone sigh. For a bit he laid back and let me give him head. My tongue flicked around his tip, alternating with the firm pumps of my hand. Occasionally I’d ventured lower to caress his boys, doting each of them with warm affection. _That damn near drove him wild._

Then Loki pulled me off my knees and fastened his lips to mine, no longer caring about the camera or taking anymore stupid pictures. He wanted to bury himself inside me. I knew that because I heard him reach into the nightstand to grab a condom. _You trained him well._ After a few seconds of careful maneuvering, he had it on and he pressed into me. The forceful penetration stole my breath and I gasped sharply. I’d be lying if I’d said that it hadn’t hurt a little bit to have his thickness filling me so quickly, yet at the same time it felt wonderful. His movements were stern and deliberate. Loki didn’t hold back any of his ferocity, jolting my body with each powerful thrust until I was as frenzied as he was. 

Loki tightened his hold around the small of my back and sat us both upright in a kneeling position. From this position I had the freedom to ride him and all the while his hands guided my hips, forcing me onto his cock harder than I could’ve managed on my own. Soon I was getting close, my womanhood clenched and tightening around him. When my orgasm threatened to overwhelm me, my intent was to fight it. I wanted to bring myself close to the edge and then let it recede to prolong our lovemaking. That was a game I couldn’t play with him. 

Loki was more in tune with my body than I was and he had no intentions of letting me evade my climax. Just when I was about to tamp down my arousal, he dropped me back onto the bed and pined my body beneath his. Now that I was at his mercy, he _fucked_ me. I could mince words all day and think of a dozen different flowery or romantic ways to explain what Loki did to me. Though none of them would come close to being this accurate. He was brutal and affectionate all at once, effortlessly taking away any control that I thought I might have had over my own release. When I climaxed I came hard, crying out without any self-conscious censorship. My orgasm swept through me and all I could do was accept the pleasure he imposed. When I looked up at him, the wicked twinkle in his eyes proved beyond a doubt that he knew what he’d done. 

Loki never relented. He was still in hot pursuit of his own culmination. It was sweet torture for him to continue thrusting through every pulsing wave of my climax. Then his muscles tightened and he buried himself as deeply inside me as my body could accommodate. When he found his own release, he groaned against the shell of my ear. Just the sound of his voice threatened to send me over the edge again. As he descended from his blissful high, Loki kissed my cheek and moved lower to pepper loving pecks across my breasts. I had to brush him away to get some breathing room. Post-coital cuddling with Loki was always great, but if I let him he would quickly go right in for seconds. 

As I collected myself, I lazily gathered the scattered photographs that were strewn around me. “These are better than I thought they’d be.” I said, more to myself than to him. 

“What were you expecting?”

“Out of focus trash mostly. Not to mention one or both of us pulling awkward faces.” I snickered.

Loki rolled over to face me. “Even then you would still look lovey.” He added.

“Well yeah, that’s because I’m drop dead gorgeous anyway. I’m just surprised that you know how to take a good picture.” I clarified. 

“And you accused me of being the conceited one.” Loki countered. 

“There is a difference. I know that I’m a beautiful but I fixate on it. You go out of your way to make sure that I acknowledge how attractive you _think_ you are.” I teased. 

“That’s because you can be very forgetful. I’m just helping you remember the more important things.” Loki said softly. For a split second it felt like he’d flicked an exposed nerve. I knew he meant no real harm with that last jest, only it hit too close to home. Forgetting was something I had done a lot of. He couldn’t have known that about my past. Before I let my expression show just how much his words had stung, I fought through it and tried to pretend that it hadn’t affected me.

“I don’t know how I put up with you.” I bit back with faux irritation. 

“If my appearance weren’t enough, I’m sure it hasn’t escaped your notice that I’m very well endowed—“

“Gag! There’s nothing more off putting than a guy bragging about his _impressive_ dick. Even though what you’re saying is true, arrogance doesn’t suite you.” I argued. 

“I got you to admit that you’re impressed.” Loki smiled. 

“Loki I don’t date guys for their…endowments. You can play macho with me all you want but you already know that I only care about what’s on the inside. I know for a fact that you’re super soft and squishy in there. It’s adorable and you hate adorable." 

“You think so?” he questioned, his expression softened with affection. 

“I know so. Soft and squishy. Hates adorable. That’s you.” I laughed as I turned over to cuddle up to him. 

His arm came around me and Loki lifted my chin so that I looked at him. I took advantage of our proximity and stole another quick kiss. “I’m glad you wore the cloths I picked out for you.” I told him finally. 

“You better be.” He countered with an equal mix of sarcasm and sincerity.

* * *

The afternoon had faded into evening. We sat outside on my balcony, taking in the warm breeze once the oppressive heat of the day had subsided. I was organizing our pictures on the small table in front of me. Meanwhile Loki had my laptop. I’d given him a crash course on how to use the Internet then let him go find out how my camera worked. That had been a while ago, so there was now telling what he was up to now. I was almost afraid to check.  
“We should start a photo album with these. I really like how they turned out.” 

“If that is what you would like to do with them. I imagine you will keep the more compromising ones for our eyes only.” Loki commented. 

“Yes Loki, there is nothing classier than an album of nudes on the coffee table to entertain houseguests.” I stated as I glanced over at him. I turned my attention back to the pictures, smiling to myself as I looked at my favorite one, “I’m definitely scrapbooking these.” It would be worth a chuckle or two later on, years from now I suppose. _You probably won’t be together that long anyway._ I pushed the pessimistic thoughts aside. I’d hold onto this memento of our little X-rated hobby even if we didn’t make it through the end of the month. 

“When you’re old and grey we can look back and remember the figure you once had—“

“And you can remember the hair you once had right?” I bit back. 

“Right. I anticipate this will go first. I have to get emotionally prepared for that tragic loss.” Loki chuckled, running his fingers through the hair at the crown of his head. 

“Well we can always give you a comb over. Your bald patch will only be somewhat noticeable...just like the thinning around there.” I mentioned, gesturing to the front peaks near his forehead. His expression wavered for a fraction of a second. Apparently that was already a source of insecurity for him.

Loki quickly turned my bad humor against me. “Like those grey hairs of yours you mean—“ 

“No! I already pulled the three that came back.” I gasped, frantically checking my reflection on my phone screen.

“Ele I was joking.” Loki stated, more apologetically than I had expected. Though I continued to scowl at him anyway. 

“Premature greying runs in my family Loki. I thought I was going to make it to twenty-five without a single silver hair. Guess who already had six before then? Me. My cousin, who is only a year older than me, she is completely grey now.” I grumbled.

“You shouldn’t pluck them—“

“Says the man without a single grey hair.” I retorted. 

“Ok, while you turn grey, I’ll lose my hair. Is that a fair division of suffering?” He laughed. 

“No, it isn’t! I don’t want any grey, at least not before I’m forty.” I professed. Kat leapt up and glared at me. She’d been resting peacefully at my feet all afternoon until now. If dogs could talk, I’m pretty sure she would have just shouted, “Shut the hell up and stop ruining my nap!” Kat groaned in agitation and swaggered back inside to find a quieter place to doze. 

“Kat doesn’t mind being grey. Look how content she is with herself.” Loki offered.

I scoffed, “My dog’s self esteem doesn’t support your argument.” 

“Ele, you shouldn’t worry so much. Six grey strands will not change how I feel about you. Nor will a head covered in them.” Loki took my hand and kissed my knuckles. There was nothing I could say to argue that. More importantly, I didn’t want to. With a contented sigh, I settled in my chair and interlocked my fingers with his. 

“Right back at you partner.”

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! It's been a long time coming. I've been fighting through writers block with this chapter. With that said, I hope wasn't not total shit. For the last week or so I've been trying to edit/write and my brain just wouldn't cooperate. Super frustrating but it will pass. I have a bunch of updates that I'm trying to churn out in the very near future and I'm really looking forward to sharing them with you. Thank you so much for sticking with this story for so long. The next chapter should be up soon!


	20. Mother Knows Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and **smut**

One of us had forgotten to close the curtains last night. Loki shielded his eyes under the bend of his arm, while his other held me tightly to his side. All was quiet in my little home, aside from the barely audible snoring that Loki claimed not to do. That’s how I knew I was hooked. His quirks would have been a nuisance from someone else but on him they were adorable. Loki also claimed that he never tap his fingers when he got bored. I’d noticed that whatever rhythm he’d strum out always ended on an odd number. _He has a similar habit when we make love too._

Following that thought, my mind quickly began to stray. Making love to him was my absolute favorite thing to do nowadays. I could get lost in my daydreams for hours at a time once I started to imagine that lean body in action. _What have I done to get this lucky?_ Sometimes it felt a little too good to be true. It was like he’d dropped out of the sky, already eager to cherish me and without even trying I’d fallen head over heels for him. It was terrifying and wonderful at the same time.

Then my thoughts stilled in my head the second I noticed the sheets tenting at his hips. _Good morning, morning wood._ Carefully, I peeked beneath the covers to admire his nakedness. _Gods I **love** waking up to this._ The jolt of arousal sparked straight to the soft place between my legs. Without thinking, my hand slipping around his cock. I gently stroked his length, taking my time to caress this hyper masculine piece of him. Simply put I was fascinated by its foreignness. I didn’t have one of my own to play with and if I ever magically grew one, I’m sure that I’d spend an unreasonable amount of time doing exactly this. 

It didn’t take long for Loki to stir. His hips reflexively pushed harder against my hand, eagerly seeking more of this intimate stimulation. That quiet snoring faded into delightful amusement. Then he uncovered his face to figure out what was happening below the belt. “Good morning.” I smiled, leaning over to kiss his jaw. 

“It certainly is a good morning now.” Loki grinned, watching my hand as it worked up and down his manhood. 

“I’m glad you think so. I would feel horrible if you didn’t.“ 

“Do I get to reciprocate?” 

Before I gave him my answer, I tightened my grasp just to watch him shudder. “Yes, I insist.” 

Loki was always more sensitive first thing in the morning. He told me once before that it was because he didn’t have the alertness to stave of his release. I didn’t want to give him the chance to do that. With nothing better to do, his hands lazily roamed over my body. My breasts fit perfectly in his hands. Loki handled them tenderly, rolling the hardening peaks between his fingers or pinching them when my handy work greatly pleased him. I quickened my pace, earning myself a salacious reaction. He hissed again only this time I knew it was because I was taking him close to the edge. Shimmying lower, I kissed his chest and looking up at him through my lashes. I really wanted him to enjoy this. He shouldn’t be the only one to dole out morning pleasure. I’d had my fair share these past few weeks so it was only fair that I return the favor.

“Let go. I want to give you a good start to the day.” I whispered, feathering a kiss on his lips. My thumb pressed against the underside of his cock and in that instant he reacted beautifully. His manhood pulsed and Loki moaned with satisfaction. The sound of his voice in the throws of passion was my weakness. Thick jets of cum spurt onto his stomach. A tiny amount got on my fingers and without any hesitation I licked his essence from my knuckles, never once tearing my eyes away from his. Loki’s gaze darkened with lust as he rolled me onto my back. 

Kat howled in the kitchen, disturbing the relative quiet that we’d been enjoying. I thought nothing of it. There had been plenty of times where she had heard us going at it and felt the need to harmonize. That seriously irked Loki. The second his mouth fastened to mine I was able to tune her out. I tightened my thighs around his hips and Loki settled his on top of me. Running my hands down his back, I dug my fingertips into his firm cheeks, urging him harder against me. Our bodies were drawn together, desperate to join our sexes.

“Nori?”My mother’s voice called from the kitchen. _FUCK! What are **you** doing here!?_

I abruptly broke our kiss in a frantic attempt to tear myself from beneath him. Our heads collided and I swallowed the little yelp of pain that followed. “Move!” Again I tried to scurry out of bed, but with him on top of me I could only manage to rock from side to side. Finally I shoved Loki off to my right and scrambled to my feet. I grabbed my oversized t-shirt from the floor and tugged it over my head. “Nori?” She called again. This time I heard her voice and footfalls hastily moving towards to the bedroom. 

I turned back to Loki in horror. He didn’t seem to be in a hurry to clothe himself or to even wipe away the cum off that was smeared against his front. “Could you please just—stay here and don’t make a sound.“ I snapped in a harsh whisper. On my way to the door I collected his boxers from the floor and hurled them at his face. Just as my mother grabbed the knob, I slipped through a narrow opening in the door and pulled the gap together behind me. _Hold your breath. Don’t sound like a marathon runner._

My sudden emergence startled her, “What happened to knocking?” 

“What happened to you answering your phone?“ Her tone landed somewhere between anger and fear. From that I tried to gauge just how upset with me she was. With a sigh I looked away, cursing myself for the oversight. _You did this to yourself. You should have just paid the phone bill._

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry about that. I’ve just been…preoccupied.” I tried to casually move our conversation from so close to the bedroom. 

“I’ve been calling you for over a week and you haven’t answered once. You know what we agreed to Nori. I was this close to calling the police to come and check on you before I decided to do it myself.” She argued. Her tone softened as she followed me back into the kitchen. 

“I remember what we agreed to. I’ve just been really busy with work and a lot of other things. I swear it’s nothing to be worried about. See? I’m totally fine.” I turned in place for dramatic affect, offering her the chance to give me a once over. 

“I only came because I was worried that you’d—“ 

I scoffed, “That I’d what? Wondered off again or spazed the fuck out like before?” 

“Yes. It’s not like you to blow off my calls for this long and I—“ 

“I get it. You were worried. Thanks for checking in with me but _unfortunately_ I’m still here.” I replied, huffing a defeated sigh. After she and Scott had helped me to move, I had given her a key to for emergencies. That was a mistake that I was now wishing I’d had the sense to avoid. My mother’s definition of an emergency and mine tended to be polar opposites. Kat on the other hand, was excited for the unexpected visit. She pawed up my side, howling in an effort to be a part of the conversation too, but I shoved her away. I lacked the patience to put up with her antics this morning. 

“Are you expecting me to just turn around leave now that I’ve caught a glimpse of you?“ She took some offense to my aloof posture.

“No, but you could at least stop making this feel like an interrogation. You keep looking at me like I’m willfully deceiving you or something.” _Or hiding a naked man in my room._

“You’re the one who is making it feel like that. I came all this way to make sure that you were all right. No ‘Thanks Mom, glad you care that I’m not dead’ or ‘ Thanks for coming to check on me. Miss you too?’ Do you have anything like that for me?” Her voice betrayed the sadness my tone had caused. 

I sighed, “Of course I miss you. I just…I wasn’t expecting you to show up right now and frankly you scared me by just strolling in.” I explained, trying to be gentler this time. There was no reason for me to be so callous. After all she had come a long way and I did miss her a hell of a lot more than she knew. 

She laughed, “Did you think someone was breaking in? Last I checked burglars don’t announce themselves or use keys.“ 

“Maybe.” I muttered under my breath. 

“You’re shirt is on inside out. You really must have been in a hurry.” She flicked the tag under my chin and chuckled to herself. 

“I was trying to not fight an intruder while shirtless.” I retorted, feeling the blush creep up my neck. Absently I watched her as she checked a few cabinets for a glass. I directed to the one by the fridge, totally forgetting that that cabinet was where I kept my pills. 

Ever since I’d started seeing Loki I hadn’t really been on top of my doses. From the start I had only taken them because _everyone else_ said that they would make me better. Two years of taking them religiously and I had fuck all to show for it. Though that hadn’t stopped me from popping them other day. The last incident at work hadn’t really changed my opinion as much as it made me desperate enough to give them another try.

Another thing I had noticed was that when Loki was here most of the other nuisance problems had pretty much stopped. Losing the night terrors was one of the better things that could have happened. I also didn’t fixate on my scar the way used to. It never stopped bothering me, however Loki had proved to me that I could learn to look past it. All in all I genuinely felt better and more alive when I was with him. Now that she was about to confront me over this, I could see just how stupid my actions must seem from an outsider’s viewpoint. Maybe I was being stupid. I could be flirting with something dangerous each time I refused to take them. 

She picked up one of the bottles, “Have you been taking your meds regularly?” 

“Yes—“ 

“Nori this still has five refills. You shouldn’t have this many left if you got this filled six months ago.” She said sharply. _I’m not in the mood for this today._ I went to walk out of the kitchen but she caught me by the arm and turned me to face her.

“You have to stay on top of this sweetheart.” She said with an exhausted sigh. 

I didn’t want to argue with her about this. At the end of the day she would go back home and I would be free to do whatever the hell I pleased. My intention was to humor her and say whatever she wanted to hear so that she would leave me alone. “You’re right—“ 

“I know that tone Nori. Why aren’t you taking them? Is it the side effects? We can make another appointment with your psychi—“ 

“I don’t want to go back there! Just drop it.” I hadn’t meant to shout but it came out before I could rein in my tempter. I quickly snatched the bottle from her and threw it into the cabinet with all the others. 

“Watch your tone. I don’t understand what you’re trying to accomplish by being so stubborn—“ 

“I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish by barging into _my_ apartment and shoving your wisdom down my throat. You make a point to tell me any other time that I need to take control of my life and to get my shit together. What makes right now any different? This is my problem, not yours. If I want to fuck it up then it’s my choice too.” I bit back. 

“You don’t mean that and you know it. You’ve been doing so well. Why would you risk a relapse by not taking your medication the way that you need to? Nori, I know it can be difficult but you don’t have to do this alone.” She said gently. By that she always meant that I should come home, where she could keep track of these things for me. That was the last thing I wanted to do. 

“I’m fine. I just forget sometimes.” 

She was going back and forth with herself, trying to decide if she should keep her distance or intervene. “Do you think it would it help if I called you to remind you?” Of course she had to settle for the middle ground. 

I shook my head, “You don’t have to. I’ll just try harder.” 

“I’m very worried. We all are—“ 

“Then just stop worrying! Pretend I’m not here like you did for those three years that I was gone. That should be easy for you all by now. I’m not your problem anymore. I don’t ask you for money. I don’t need you to bail me out. I’m not on illegal drugs. I’m not pregnant and I haven’t been raped and murdered yet. What more is there for you to worry about?” I asked bitterly. 

“I worry that you are unhappy.” She stated softly. I rolled my eyes at that last one. Happiness was relative. Not being miserable every second of everyday was about as close to a happy I could hope to get.

She sighed pulling me closer for a hug. “I’m sorry. We just don’t want to lose you again. I know you’re sick of me saying this but…we don’t want to go through that _ever_ again Nori. If you need to talk about anything, know that we’re here for you. Just promise me that you won’t keep everything bottled up until there’s nothing we can do to help.” She said with a pained expression. 

“This isn’t something that you can fix. There is nothing you can do that would ever make a difference.” I answered quietly. My words hurt her, not that it was my intent. I was only telling her the truth. 

She pulled away taking a long time to recover from my response. “Well…at least you’re honest with me.” After hearing the pain in her voice my resolve wavered. _Way to go Ele, now she’s going to cry._

“I didn’t mean it like that.” I wished that I hadn’t said it so harshly. Even though what I’d said wasn’t meant to hurt her, maybe if my delivery hadn’t been so brutal she would have taken it a different way. 

“No, you did and it’s ok. I just wish that I knew what to do. You don’t know how difficult it is watching you struggle like this and not be able to do _anything_ —“ 

“Imagine _being_ me.” 

Again she looked sad and touched my cheek, “Have you eaten today?” She asked, forcing herself to wear a comforting smile, the way that only a mother could. _I wonder which food group cum falls under. I’ll venture a guess at a protein or maybe a sugar. I must have missed that lesson in sex-ed._

“No.” 

“Let me take you to breakfast? Then I’ll be on my way. Alright?” She asked.

“Fine. Let me just go wash up and throw some cloths on.” I turned to go back to my room. Loki would just have to let himself out after we left. 

“Before you get started with that, I really need to use your toilet. You know I took my diuretic this morning and I’ve been holding it in since I left the airport. I had to use the one on the plane and let me tell you, someone on board there was having a **rough** morning—“ 

“Mom…I don’t want to hear about your diuretic or the toilets on the plane.” I said turning back to her as she neared my bedroom door. Inside, I was panicking. I tried my best not to let it show. I hadn’t expected her to follow so close behind me. The only way to the bathroom was through the bedroom, where Loki was. I hadn’t planned on introducing them today or any time soon, especially not like this. In my head I tried to work out a scenario where the two of them didn’t come face to face. _Or face to…cock? This isn’t going to end well._

No matter how embarrassing this whole exchange was about to get, I refused to give into the temptation to shove Loki in the closet. I was better than that and he deserved more dignity. My heart thudding against my ribs and I knew there were only so many seconds I could spend stalling. “Nori, can you please _hurry up_ before we’re _cleaning up_?” She insisted, shifting in place uncomfortably. 

“I wasn’t alone when you let yourself in.” I confessed. There was a moment where utter disbelief overtook her expression. I don’t know if I should have been offended that she hadn’t considered that as a possibility. Though if I were honest, I’d never gave any indication that I was even interested in being physically involved with another person. Hell at this point I don’t even know if she was sure of my orientation.

“Sorry. I had no idea I would be interrupting…” _Oh gods. She knows. Kill me now._

“You weren’t _interrupting_ anything.” _Loki, you better not flash my mother or there will be hell to pay._ I gave a quick courtesy knock and turned the knob. Mentally I was hitting my head against the wall. Why the universe love to put me in all kinds of unpleasant situations. 

“Good Morning. I hope you’re decent.” She announced as she passed through my bedroom. Even thought my mother respectfully refrained from looking in his direction, I saw her steal a quick glance anyway.

“Good Morning.” I heard Loki tell her. At first I remained just outside of the bedroom, too mortified to follow right behind her. When I heard the bathroom door close, I gathered the courage to go inside to see what she had just walked into. Much to my relief, Loki had put on the boxers and pulled the sheets over himself a bit. “Get up.” I snarled, throwing his pants at him. 

Loki chuckled and propped himself up on his elbow. “No need for hysterics. Are you going to introduce us?” he asked. 

“When you have on some fucking cloths.” I hissed. I started kicking condom wrappers under the bed. _Why are there so many?!_ I sighed quickly pulling on a bra. 

“Have I embarrassed you?” He asked finally. His voice softened and that caught me off guard. 

“What? No—I mean of course I’m embarrassed but not because of you. I wasn’t—“ 

“I’ll wait out there while the two of you to get dressed.” Mom said with a wide smile that she wasn’t even trying to hide. I felt my face go red. She closed the door behind her and I heard her talking to Kat. Now all I wanted was to do dig a deep hole to hide in so that I could escape the rest of this morning.

“Dove?” he urged, pulling me towards him. 

“I don’t know how you’re not even a little uncomfortable with this. She basically walked in on us. And then she comes in to find you all spread out like an underwear model.” I grumbled. 

“She didn’t walk in on us. You can take as many lovers as you wish without shame. I’m sure she expects this of you anyway. You’re young and beautiful, you’ve probably had your fair share of lovers over the years.” He whispered kissing my forehead.

“No actually…I haven’t, not that that matters at all right now. I still feel gross. My mother isn’t stupid Loki. I’m sure she thinks that we were mid-fuck when she arrived.” 

“Had she waited another few seconds we would have been.” Loki conceded.

I swatted him, “Are you really going to do this right now?”

“No, I was merely making an observation. I have looked forward to meeting your mother.” Loki confessed. He was more eager than I would have expected. My stomach churned with a twist of endearment. 

“How were you so sure that I wanted to introduce you to my family?” I had thought about it a few times but I wanted to see what Loki would say before I let him in on that secret. We’d only just started dating. I would have preferred to wait a little while longer than this.

“I didn’t know for sure. I had sincerely hoped that you would introduce us.” Loki clarified.

“Ok. Best behavior please?” I stole one last kiss. 

“You have nothing to fear.”

I nodded and headed to the door, “Just hurry up. Mom and I are leaving in a few—“ 

“Ele he can come along. The more the merrier.” She called, peeking around the corner. 

I felt my eye start twitching in horror. “The more the merrier.” I repeated, internally I was screaming. I closed the door behind myself, leaving Loki to finish washing up and putting on his cloths. 

My mother wagged an eyebrow at me and I wanted to evaporate. “Were you ever going to tell me that you’ve been seeing someone?” She asked. _Nope._

I shrugged, “Eventually. We’re not _super_ serious or anything.” 

“You have men’s body wash in your shower and boxers mixed in with your laundry. I’d say things are well on their way to serious.” She stated, only half joking. 

“We’ve been seeing each other for a little while.” I muttered, still struggling to find the right words. I couldn’t tell her the truth. She didn’t need to know that I couldn’t function without having him balls deep in me at least twice a day. 

“I’m glad that you’re finally letting someone in.”

“Yeah…me too.” I added. Just then Loki emerged cutting our conversation short. “Mom, this is my boyfriend Loki. Loki, Renee…my mother.” I stated nervously. I didn’t realize until that moment that I was worried about what she’d think of him. 

Loki offered his hand to her, “It’s a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.” He said with a more genuine smile than I thought was necessary. 

“Likewise. I wish I could say I’ve heard great things but she’s never mentioned you.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. Ele likes to play her cards close to the vest.”

“It’s a shame. If I had a handsome man like you hidden away, I would want tell anyone who’d listen.” Mom laughed. 

“Ele is far too modest for that sort of boasting. That is one of the qualities I most admire about your daughter.”

“You’re right, she doesn’t do very much of that. Nori tells me all the time that it’s bad luck to brag. ” 

“You never know when it could all be taken from you.” Loki added, finishing off the saying that had become something of a motto for me.

“Can we get this over with?” I interrupted.

Renee glanced back at me. “I was thinking the waffle house down the street.” My mother offered enthusiastically. 

Her mood had taken a cheerful turn. I better knew this as her her friendly “stranger face.” It was the persona that she put on when she wanted information and _this_ was something she wanted all of the details on. I’d double screwed myself by not mentioning Loki before now. “That sounds good.” I agreed, grabbing my purse from the sofa. Mentally I was counting the seconds before Mom was going to start asking more questions. _3…2…1…_

“Loki was it? That’s not a very common name. Where are you from?” She asked turning to him. They continued down the stairs, leaving me to lock Kat in the apartment. I absolutely did _not_ want to leave him alone with her. Once I managed to lock the door, I bounded down the stairs to catch up with them. 

They were halfway out of the lobby once I caught up to them. “Thanks for waiting.” I said sarcastically. 

“Sorry honey I was just getting to know your new beau—“

“Mom he is not my _beau_ he’s just my…Loki.” I retorted bitterly. _Control yourself. This isn’t going to help._ I wished that I could have been more composed. Instead I was anxious and irritated, which wasn’t a good combination. The fact that I hadn’t gotten my morning dose of Loki certainly didn’t help my mood either.

“Yes, I am _her_ Loki.” He repeated with a contented smile. I rolled my eyes the way I did every time this sentimental goober surfaced. 

I turned back to my mother, “Where’d you park?”

“I didn’t. I took one of those…what do they call those things…an Uber taxis from the airport. Your brother set it up for me last night. I thought that we could walk. It’s so nice out and I’ve been cooped up for hours anyway. It isn’t very far is it?” She asked putting on her sunglasses. 

“It’s a mile and a half.” I replied, astonished by her shameless attempt to stretch out her time to interrogate him. 

“Wonderful. I can get a good chunk of my steps in for the day.” She added with a laugh. 

“I didn’t wear my walking shoes—“ 

“Dove it’s probably best we humor her.” Loki whispered, tucking his arm around my waist to urge me along. Begrudgingly I followed her lead. 

“You ought to be happy I didn’t bring Scott along. The only reason he decided to stay home was because I left around three this morning. That boy is as lazy as they come.” She told us while we started on a leisurely pace. 

“Yeah. I don’t think I’d have survived that mortification…nor would he _ever_ let me live it down.” I replied under my breath. 

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of. He of all people is in no position to pass judgment on that front. You don’t know how many mornings I’ve seen stray women ducking out of the basement, thinking that I don’t see them. One has even been so bold as to prance her happy ass around my kitchen in her lingerie like she owned the place. I ought to charge him rent if he’s going to run a bed and breakfast on my dime.” She said shaking her head. 

Loki chuckled to himself. “What’s so funny?” I asked him. 

“It seems that’s how brothers tend to be.” Loki commented quietly. 

“How many siblings to you have.” Mom asked, turning to him. 

“Officially one. Unofficially…it would depend on who you ask.” Loki answered vaguely. 

I felt my face twist with mild confusion, “Explain?” 

“Odin was no stranger to sowing his seed far and wide in the lesser kingdoms. I believe my birth parents had two other children as well.” Loki stopped himself, wearing an expression that told me he’d shared more than he intended to. 

“Your dad traveled a lot?” I asked. 

“You could say that.”

“For business or he was just not around?” My mom chimed in. This time her voice had a sympathetic tenderness. 

“Business affairs mostly. He is a…prominent political figure in my kingdom.” Loki added quietly. 

My mom nudged me, “You could do worse.” 

“Why have you never mentioned that to me before?”

“You didn’t ask. I try not to volunteer that information unsolicited. I never know how you will react.” 

I scoffed, “Well forgive me your highness.” I countered sarcastically. 

Then I felt his hand slip into mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Exactly.” 

“So do you work with Ele at Christa’s or the bike place?” Mom asked then. I knew we’d hit the end of her subtle phase.

“No. I work at a non-profit organization near Christa’s, that’s where we met. Ele makes wonderful coffee while all the other baristas make noxious waste.”

“That’s sweet. I have a feeling you only went to see her and the coffee was just a bonus. What do you do there? I peg you as a the managerial type.” 

“I’m not at liberty to say. I have a rather specialized skillset.” Loki stated quietly. 

“That sounds pretty lucrative at least. Did your job provide you with a place to live when you came across the pond or did you have to figure that out once you got here?” She asked. 

“Mom he doesn’t live with me.” I interjected. 

Loki chuckled, “That was left up to me I’m afraid. I have managed to find an agreeable place on my own.” He answered. 

“Where—“ 

“You’re not familiar enough with this area to know where he’s talking about. For the last time he isn’t living me.” I pleaded with my eyes for her to drop the issue. 

“But my search bar will know when I Google it.” She interjected, using that tone that was meant to shut me up. 

“I’m currently staying in the hotel on 2nd and Beach Avenue. I have been there for the last few months.” Mom seemed as astonished as did I. Loki had never mentioned where he lived before. 

Instead of feeling relieved, I felt my stomach knot. That was far too impermanent for my liking. He could easily up and leave without any trouble and I’d never see it coming. “How long do you plan on staying?”

“Here or in the hotel?” Loki questioned. 

“Does it need distinction?” I asked, desperately trying to hide my nervousness. 

“I was considering making my residence in this land permanent. As for the hotel, it was just until I found somewhere better. As I’m sure you know, this area is quite expensive.” He replied. I felt a wave of relief rush through me then my stomach clenched again for another reason. _Does your choice have anything to do with me? Would you stay because of me?_

“You should help him find a place Nori. You know the area better than I do.” Mom suggested, locking her eyes with mine. I knew what _that_ look meant. Her message was as clear to me as if she’d said it aloud. _No, no way. He is not moving in with me._

“Your daughter’s company is all that I require. I’m more than capable of seeing to my own affairs. I couldn’t imagine burdening her with my concerns in addition to her own.” Loki replied. 

“That’s good to hear. I worry. With all the responsibility that she is forced to carry, I wouldn’t want you to be putting more on her plate than she can handle.” From her tone I could tell she was being polite. What she really meant was that she didn’t want him to send me off the deep end. ”Not to mention she could use the…stress relief.” _Why do you think it’s ok to insinuate that I need to get laid? It’s true, but still…_ And just like that I wanted to evaporate again. 

Mom asked question after question, trying her damnedest to find something off about Loki. The only reason she was giving him the third degree was because of my situation. A part of me was upset that she didn’t outright trust my judgment of him. Mostly I was just thankful that Loki was a match for her questioning. No matter how personal she tried to dig, he had a calculated answer that gave nothing extra away. Then I realized I was feeling strangely proud. I was proud that Loki was the boyfriend that I so clumsily introduced to my mother and even prouder that he could hold his own against her. 

After breakfast we came back to the apartment. Kat crowded at our feet, whining for attention as soon as we came through the door. “She’s so big now. You don’t think this place is a little small for her?” Mom asked me as we gathered in the entryway. “I didn’t exactly think it through when I brought her home. Kat is fine most of the time. I just try my best to take her out whenever I can. She gets into everything if I don’t tire her out. Just yesterday she chewed a hole in the wall.” I replied. 

“The poor dog is bored. What do you expect? I’m surprised it’s taken this long for her to start causing trouble. You work such long hours, I just wonder how much time you can realistically dedicate to her.” 

“Please let’s not talk about my pet parenting. I take good care of her, don’t I Loki?”

“Far better than I would deem necessary.” He added dryly. 

“I wouldn’t say that if I were you. Kat is like her baby.”

For once his indifferent façade slipped and I caught a glimpse of the irritation that he normally kept on a very tight leash. “I’ve noticed.” 

“Alright Nori, I’m going to keep my word and get back to the airport. It was nice meeting you Loki.” My mother turned to me and smiled. “I’m going to send you some money and I don’t want to hear a word about it. You’re going to take it and get yourself back on your feet. You have a good life here and you should be enjoying it.” I went to argue her but she gave me a quick look that scared my voice back into my chest. 

“And Loki.” Mom turned to him on her way out. 

“Yes?”

“You take care of my girl ok?”

“I’ll guard her with my life.”

Renee liked the sound of that. I knew right then and there that Loki had somehow won her over. “Good because if you don’t or if you hurt her in anyway, I’m coming after you.” Contrary to what Loki might believe, my mother wasn’t kidding. I hugged her tightly and like every time Renee came to visit, she never wanted to let go. 

“Let me know when you make it home?” I asked. 

Finally, my mother started to pull away, “Absolutely sweetheart.” Then she glanced back at Loki for a moment, “And you, remember what I just told you.” 

“You have my word. Safe travels.” 

My mother turned to me and gave me one last hug, and then she left. Loki closed the door after her and there was a moment where the unacknowledged tension faded from the air. “That went better than expected.” Loki stated, heading over to the sofa. 

“So was you’re act. Since when are you all, ‘I’ll guard her with my life’?” I asked, flopping down on the couch beside him. 

“I wanted to impress her. You wouldn’t accept anything less than my princely decorum.” Loki jested. 

“Prince my ass.” I scoffed. Loki draped my legs across his lap and hooked his arm around my waist.

“You wouldn’t like to be my princess?” Loki asked curiously. 

“I don’t know, it depends. Will I get a tiara?” 

Loki smiled, “If that is what you want. A bejeweled ornament would suite you beautifully. ” 

“On second thought…that sounds too flashy. I’ll still accept jewelry.” I giggled. 

“You could always have both.”

“I don’t need both…not if I get to have you too. For what it’s worth, I think she liked you.” 

“Your mother was attempting to be respectful of your choice. That isn’t to say that I am not pleased to have earned some her approval. It is an honor to be deemed worthy of her daughter. That is something no one has ever granted me before today.” 

His answer made me frown. “You’re plenty worthy, whether she thinks so or not. That’s my decision to make.” I gave him a quick kiss and then stood up, “As much as I’d love to pick up where we left off, I have to be to Christa’s in the hour. I’m going to get the shower started. You’re welcome to join.” I offered, glancing back at him with a come hither look. Without further persuading, Loki followed close behind. He even hurried me along with a firm swap on my ass. _I might get lucky after all._

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think or don't. I really have to work on posting more frequently. Sorry this one took so long. The next chapter or two will be up soon. Hold me to it!


	21. Spontaneous

“Do not sit on that!” I hurried to shoo Kat off of my freshly laundered cloths. She stubbornly perched herself atop the warm pile, challenging me to be bold enough to move her. When I stepped closer, Kat started to dig, flinging my cloths onto the floor in her wake. I had no choice but to grab my secret weapon; her squeaky ball with the treats inside. That got her attention every time. She stilled, watching me with laser focus. “Now you want to listen?” Kat leapt off of my bed and obediently sat at my feet, whining for her toy. I could have persuaded her to do just about anything with this. Instead of abusing my power, I tossed her ball into the kitchen and she scrambled to chase it out of the room. Now that Kat was occupied, I went back to folding. 

As mind numbing as this was, I enjoyed these mundane moments. In order for my day to feel dull, it required that my mind be free of all other stresses. That in and of itself was something to be celebrated. Despite this small victory, I felt the beginnings of loneliness creeping in. Loki had left with me yesterday morning when I’d gone to work and as of this afternoon, I hadn’t heard anything else from him. He hadn’t turned up for his morning coffee and my phone had been quiet all day. With no word from him, I was settling in for an another evening on my own. I still hoped that Loki would come by tonight. 

Rather than dwelling, I continued to use this time for myself. I turned my music up louder and bopped along while I worked. Every now and again I’d find a sock that didn’t belong to me. At first I thought nothing of it. I would put each of them aside and continue working through rest of the pile. Then I came across one of his shirts and soon every garment that I was pulling from the heap belonged to him. If I didn’t know any better, it would seem like he was moving in one “misplaced” item at a time. _People don’t lose their entire wardrobe and not notice._ I took a step back to get a better idea of just how many cloths Loki had been leaving behind. 

Like always, my brain frantically tried to decide how I ought feel about this new development. At present, Loki stayed with me more nights than he didn’t and now _this_. My instinct was still to be fearful. I had lived with that reflex longer than I was used to being with him. Even though I knew there was nothing wrong with allowing our relationship to grow, I still had to persuade myself each time something new happened. Surprisingly I didn’t allow myself panic the way I usually would have. _He just needs to pitch in with the laundry._ For the first time in a long time, I was proud of myself. Yes, initially I did freak out but I was able to overcome that. I had confronted my fear rationally, not impulsively and for me that was significant progress. 

Meanwhile, Kat started howling in the kitchen. I imagine someone in the hall had gotten her attention. Next I heard a few knocks at my front door. I paused my music and sauntered out to answer it. On my way there they knocked more impatient this time. “I’m coming!” I shouted. When I pulled open the door, I was surprised to find Loki was standing on the other side. 

“Hello.” He greeted, sporting one devilishly charming grin. 

“Hi there. I’m obligated to tell you that you shouldn’t let yourself in like this. It’s against building policy and all that jibber jabber.” I chuckled. 

“Then how would I surprise you?” 

“Getting you to leave is the real surprise these days. I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.” 

Loki stepped inside and closed the door after himself. “I always come back. I brought this for you.” 

He presented a small potted Jasmine that he’d been holding behind his back until now. At first I was too surprised to do anything other than admire the delicate bloom of flowers. They smelled sweet and I felt myself smile for the first time today. “Loki, it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

“You told me that you disliked cut flowers. When I saw these, I thought of you.” He explained. 

I placed the pot on the counter and threw my arms around Loki to hug him tightly. “You’re the greatest you know that?” 

“I do. Now I need you to stop everything that you’re doing and come with me.” 

“What? Why?”

“Trust me. Pack enough for three days.” Loki insisted. He kissed my cheek and his hands came to rest at my waist. 

“Can I ask where we’re going? I need to know what to bring—I can’t leave Kat by herself for that long.” I quickly protested. 

“That is already taken care of. The kennel is expecting her arrival within the hour. All you need to do is pack. Leave the other arrangements to me. Alright?”

It took a few moments for me to fully get my head around his plan. “Ok…let me get my stuff.” I went back into my room and started tossing clean cloths into my overnight bag. “You still haven’t given me an idea of what I need bring.” I called to him. Instead of answering me, Loki wondered into the room and peered into my closet. He grabbed one of my dresses and held it against my front, making a weird face as he came to a decision. “Don’t give me that look. I love this dress.” I rebutted, snatching it away from him. 

“I don’t like red on you—“

“Too bad, I do. Where are we going?”

“I would prefer that you wear green instead that color. It brings out your eyes.” 

“My eyes aren’t green, they don’t have any green in them whatsoever. You just want me to wear your favorite color. What do you have against red anyway?” I turned away from him and continued to piece together outfits for the weekend. 

“It’s a color that I associate with my brother. I will not have you wearing his color instead of mine.” Loki stated on his way into the bathroom. He reemerged with a hand full of my toiletries. 

“Um…Loki, are we in a hurry?” I asked, turning in place to watch him stuff my things into a zippered pouch. 

“Yes, we are. Our driver is waiting—“

“Driver? Loki what is going on?”

“Trust me.” Loki’s long fingers framed my face, bringing my gaze to meet his. 

“You didn’t know how to use the internet until two weeks ago. Forgive me for having a few…concerns.” I murmured. 

“A trusted source helped me make these arrangements. You have nothing to fear.” Loki laughed. 

“And who might that have been?” I asked skeptically. I didn’t trust anyone around here, besides Loki on rare occasions. 

“Kevin. He seemed more than willing to offer his assistance.” Loki finally answered. Somehow that did little to put my nerves at ease. 

“Loki, Kevin is my boss and I feel weird about you involving him.” I grumbled.

“I apologize. You should know that Kevin considers you a friend as well as an employee. I didn’t think you would find it objectionable. This is already done. All that I am asking is that you not worry.” 

Sighing, I choose to go along with all this. Maybe I’d come to regret that decision however my curiosity had already gotten the better of me. “Ok. _I_ will pack the rest of my things. Can you get Kat’s stuff together for me? She needs her leash with the harness, some food, and that squeaky ball you hate.” This time I collected my belongings with urgency. In under ten minutes I was zippering my bag and we were headed out the door. 

Our driver wasn’t all that happy to have Kat riding with us. Neither was Loki, considering she had to put her face out my window and aim her rear end at him. When she got excited about the passing cars, she’d wag her tail and slap him across the face. Several times I had to intervene to keep Loki from strangled her. Thankfully we arrived at the kennel before he resorted to violence. Loki took her inside, given that the reservation had been made in his name and when he returned we were off to our final destination. 

For a few minutes the ride was silent and I was anxious to break it. I didn’t know where we were going, who this man in the front seat was, or what this was all about. Apparently the quiet got to our driver as well and he turned on the radio. It was some Rock station that quickly faded into the background. I looked out of the window and watched the passing scenery. “Are you going to be silent the whole way?” Loki asked me.

“I don’t know. You won’t tell me anything so I decided not to ask any more questions and enjoy the ride.” 

“The other night you told me about you first trip to Miami. You spoke highly of it and seemed eager to visit again. I thought you might enjoy spending the weekend there with me.”

“What!? You’re joking?” 

“I am not joking.” Loki smiled. 

I had to fight to not get misty eyed. This was as close to getting swept off my feet as I’d ever gotten and it was an amazing feeling. “What are we going to do when we get there?” 

“I trust your judgment far more than my own. I had intentions of granting you full authority over our itinerary once we checked into our hotel. Hopefully it will be to you’re liking. Kevin informed me that the one we are to stay in has received five stars. I assume that is a superior rating.” Loki mentioned. 

“Uh yeah! That’s _really_ good.” I turned to look at him. If we weren’t in the backseat of a stranger’s car, I might have climbed on his lap and kissed him. For modesty’s sake, I stole a quick peck his cheek and settled to hold his hand. In all the time that I’d lived here, I’d only dreamt of driving to Miami. I couldn’t afford a roach motel for a single night, never mind five star accommodations for the whole weekend. The entire way there I was fidgeting in my seat. I was too excited about what these next few days would bring to stay still.

The drive took longer than I expected, not that I minded. Every time a song I knew came on the radio I’d sing along. Our driver would roll his eyes and leave us, well mostly me, to party in the backseat. There were even a couple songs that I caught Loki humming to. No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t get him to do more than that. He spent most of the trip peering out the window, looking as though he were touring an alien world. A couple hours later we arrived at our hotel. Loki took our bags out of the trunk while I thanked our driver for putting up with me for the last couple hundred miles. 

If the outside of the building was this pretty, I almost couldn’t imagine how nice the rooms were going to be. On the way into the lobby, I noticed that Loki had only brought that dinky leather satchel he always carried with him. “That’s all you brought with you for the whole weekend?” I asked. 

“I only travel with essentials.” He replied. I didn’t know what to think about that. So instead of prying further into a non-issue, I followed his lead. Again Loki did the talking when we checked in with the stewardess. Me being the restless person that I am, I wondered astray to admire the fountain. High above that was a sprawling chandelier and I felt my mouth drop open a little. _Stop acting like you’ve never been anywhere nice before!_ I glanced back in time to see the woman slid our room card across the counter to him.

“This place is fancy. I bet a soda in the minibar cost $20.” I laughed, once Loki joined me by the elevator. 

“Minibar?” He repeated quizzically. 

“You know the little fridge in the rooms? Don’t take anything out of it if you don’t want to be charged. It’s crazy expensive for no good reason. We can load up on snacks when we go out later if you want.” 

“Whatever you think is best.” He added as we went up to the eleventh floor. The doors were very far apart so I took that as an indication that the rooms were going to be quite large. We came to the last door at the end of the hall and Loki used the keycard to gain entry. Since my hands were free I held the door open for him and flicked on the lights. Inside I found that the room was spacious and airy with a wonderful modern design. Along the balcony there were floor to ceiling windows that gave us a perfect view of the horizon and the beach down below. I ventured further inside and gaped in wonder. “Loki, look at this place!” I exclaimed, turning to him. 

“Is this to your liking?” Loki tossed our things in the chair by the bed.

“Is it? It’s incredible!” He scooped me into his arms and I let out a surprised squeal. He held me bridal style and smiled at me. It was enough to make my heart melt. “Why did you plan all this? I love everything…I really do. I just don’t understand why.” 

“Do I need a reason? Must I have an ulterior motive in order to show you how much I adore you?” Loki asked.

“No.”

“I didn’t think so. It has been far too long since I’ve seen this gorgeous smile. I want you to forget about every thing else and for these next two days live in the moment with me. No distractions. No obligations. No interruptions.” I didn’t know what to say, so I nodded and finally gave in to the temptation to kiss him. When I tried to further my impassioned advance, Loki pulled away and let me stand. “There will be plenty of time for that later. While we still have daylight, I want to take you out.” Loki explained. 

“Okie dokie. Let me change first. I’m not dressed to go anywhere yet.” 

“What are you talking about? You are presentable as you are.” Loki protested. Instead of arguing him, I continued searching through my bag for my dress. I’d snuck it in there when he was busy gathering Kat’s things. Even though I thought it was stupid that he didn’t want me to wear red, I still found myself wanting to make him happy on that front. Not to mention _I_ wanted to look a little extra nice. So I hurried into the bathroom to change. 

I pulled on a short baby doll dress. It was deep green; a color I knew Loki would appreciate. The front plunged low to reveal more of my cleavage than usual and accentuate my natural bust. “Ele we aren’t going to a ball.” He called from the other side of the door. That instant I stepped into view and when his eyes landed on me he went quiet. I watched his gaze travel lower to drink in every inch of me. Loki didn’t even attempt to hide the fact that he was undressing me with his eyes. I took that as a compliment. 

“I seem to recall you saying something about me wearing green. I can change back if you don’t like it—“

“No.” Loki stated matter-of-factly. I smiled. The affect I had on him was adorable. All it took was an extra inche of cleavage and Loki was shamelessly eye-fucking me.

“Are we going out or not?” I asked, trying in vain to urge him to the door. 

“I haven’t decided yet.” Loki mentioned absentmindedly. 

“Don’t be silly. Let’s go“ Finally he relented and followed me out of the room. As we walked, I chose to feed his ego and I held onto his arm the way they did in the movies. Every time someone would steal a passing glance, a mixture of pride and possessiveness would flit through his expression. His posture said something to the effect of, “Yes, she’s mine and don’t you fucking look at her.” I even caught myself dishing a few venomous warning stares of my own when a group of women ogled him for a second too long.

We wondered the surrounding area for a while and leisurely browsed the stores. “Loki! These are so you.” I gasped, picking up a pair of dark sunglasses. I put them on for him and stepped back to admire. He found a mirror nearby to see for himself. 

“You like these?” 

I nodded quickly, “They look great.”

For as long as the sun lingered high above the horizon, he wore his new shades. Loki had only gotten them because I liked them. It was sweet of him to return the gesture. Secretly I think they were starting to grow on him anyway. Hours later we stopped in one of the many gift shops, where I bought an ‘I <3 Miami’ shot glass to add to my collection. While I was checking out Loki lingered off to the side, scrolling through his phone for places of interest. “Do you want to visit any of these bars tonight or would you rather we go tomorrow?” In my mind, I had already filled tomorrow with a slew of fun excursions, though we could easily add that to the schedule right after the dolphin watching tour. 

“Tomorrow is better. I didn’t know to pack my party dress, so I’ll have to get one while we’re here. Besides I had intended to spend tonight with you.” I said sweetly. Rising on my toes, I managed to steal a quick kiss. If I hadn’t gotten up at the butt crack of dawn for work, I wouldn’t have cared if we stayed out until sunrise. However, it was inching closer to midnight and I was getting drowsy. “Let’s order room service and take a hot bath in the Jacuzzi.” I suggested as we stepped into the night. 

“That sounds like a plan.” For a second I thought Loki might sprint back to the hotel, considering how eager he was to get me alone. When we returned to our room, I went straight in to run the water. By chance he had packed my favorite shower gel for me. As I poured a few drops into the bath, I felt his presence behind me. Loki’s hands slid around my waist, pulling me flush against his front and his lips skimmed along my shoulder. He started to undress me and I watched my dress slip over my head then drift to the floor.

“You know…I think I’m going to have to put you to work when we get home.” I whispered, turning around to face him. 

“Why?”

“Because you seem to have misplaced a _lot_ of your laundry at my house. I don’t mind a few things here and there, but don’t expect me to be your maid.” I smirked.

“I apologize. That truly was an oversight on my part. It's as good as gone.” Loki whispered. 

“No need for all that. We’re just going to trade off every week. You do know how to do laundry don’t you?” I asked. Instead of offering an affirmative answer, Loki gave me one of his guilty grins. “No?”

“Afraid not.”

“I guess that means I’ll have to break you in.” I laughed. Loki and I stepped into the bath and I settled into his embrace. The hot water bubbled around us and I tried coaxing myself to living in the moment the way he had talked about earlier. In that brief span of tranquility, I allowed myself look at him harder than I normally did. I’d memorized the angles of his face a thousand times and I always managed found something new to love about him. “Do you think there’s a chance that we ever met before? I mean before you started coming to Christa’s for terrible coffee or watching me on the beach in your spare time?” 

Loki stilled and I could no longer guess at what he was thinking. “Yes I do. Why do you ask?” 

I shrugged, “They say you can’t dream of a face you’ve never seen. I’m certain I dreamt of you long before I ever moved here. We must have crossed paths somewhere else or it wouldn’t have been your face that I saw. Maybe you just looked like someone I _had_ met.” I mused. 

“What was I doing in you dream?”

I had to think hard to piece together the faded memory. It had happened ages ago and I was foggy on most of the details. “I think we were in a gigantic library.” I squinted, reaching back to recall as much as I could. “Oh yeah! You were being an asshat and wouldn’t share the foot ottoman. We were in this cozy little reading nook and you were reclined in your armchair just like you do at home when you take up the whole sofa. You made me sit in the corner on that rough stone and it always made my back hurt.” I hurried to explain. 

Loki laughed with barely contained elation. “Yes, that sounds like something I would have done.” 

“That’s rude. Either way, I don’t think I could hate you that much over a footrest.”

“I’m sure I gave you plenty of other reasons. Is that the only thing you can recall?” He asked. 

Again I had to focus and reach for the distant fragments in my mind. It took a lot longer this time for me to find anything relevant. “Um…I don’t really remember much else. Sometimes you had on a stupid looking helmet. It had antlers or something crazy. If we ever did run into each other, there’s no way I’d forget you wearing anything that ridiculous.” I giggled. 

“Do you still see me in your dreams?” Loki asked. He looked desperate and hopeful all at once. _That's a strange reaction._

“I’m not sure. How often do you _really_ remember your dreams? I don’t know why I remember that one in the first place. It was so long ago. I’ve forgotten most of it anyway.” I murmured. Loki’s eyes betrayed a deeper sadness. “No, my mistake! I have dreamt of you recently. We were on a beach. It wasn’t one anywhere near here. We were somewhere else far away. There was this enormous…beautiful bridge. It was full of colors and light like a rainbow, only made out of something like crystal or glass. Under the cover of darkness you took me skinny-dipping and we made love beneath the stars. That dream is my favorite one so far.” 

His smile widened and this time Loki kissed me like he missed me. At first I struggled to match his passion until I gave up trying and let him have his way with me. He wouldn’t relent, so I savored the feeling of being the object of his affections. Just when he was about to tempt me into accepting something more intimate, I pulled away. “Answer me. Where have you been for the last…five or six years? We could have run into each other at some point. Some of my dreams could have been real couldn’t they?”

“I’ve only been in this land for the last year or so. Prior to that I was…in my realm. I rarely ventured beyond the confines of my dwelling, so I can say with certainty that we never crossed paths in that time.” Loki answered. 

“We might have. Where exactly is home for you?” 

Loki carefully chose his words, “Very far away.”

“Ok, where?” I insisted. 

“Asgard.” 

“Where is that? Is that like a city in your country or something?” Loki nodded, choosing not to elaborate. 

“I guess you’re right then. That is too far out of my way.” I chuckled. Even though I was smiling, I was deeply disappointed. There was a quiet part of me that wanted to believe Loki had known me during the years that I had forgotten. It was stupid wishful thinking but at this point I was desperate for answers. I would accept almost anything if it came from him. Almost. 

“You would like it there.” Loki told me. 

“You think so?”

“I’m sure of it.”

“It takes me a long time for to warm up to new places. If you don’t have internet, I wouldn’t make it a week. Do you like it here? Is it all that different from Asgard?”

“It’s worlds apart. I’ve been to Midgard a few times prior to this. It was a very different place in those days.“

“Midgard? You’ve said that word before. What does it mean?”

“That is what we call this realm. Your native realm is Midgard and mine is Asgard.” Loki explained. 

“Oh, you should find me a book on that. Funny I should dream about you in a library. I’ve never actually been to one with you. You always have at least three new books with you every time you come over. Do you actually read all of them? I bet you’d live in a library if you could.” I laughed.

“I have come quite close to doing so. We had an extensive collection in our library. There were many occasions where I would not emerge for days at a time and mornings where I’d awaken with a book still in my hands. I don’t read each one cover to cover, unless I’m especially interested in the subject or very bored.” When we were on this topic his eyes lit with enthusiasm. Books were his escape and libraries were his utopia. I suspected that that was how it had always been that way for him.

“Why are you in _Midgard_?” 

Loki caressed my cheek, carefully choosing his words before he would answer me. “I came here to find you—“

I stopped him, “Loki I’m serious. Tell me the truth.” 

“Ele that is the truth—“ Loki abruptly cut himself off, refusing to say anything further. He closed his eyes to compose himself before he could continue. “There is nothing left for me there. I would rather take my chances here with you than spend another _moment_ in that forsaken place.”

“Are you in some kind of trouble?”

Again Loki hesitated, “My aspirations did not coincide with my birthrights. If I didn’t get out, I was going to spend the rest of my days in a prison with nothing but my past failures to torment me. That is not a life worth living.”

“Well...I’m glad you got away then. No one should ever put limits on what you can do with your own life. Are you happier now that you’re here? Was it lonely coming all this way by yourself?” 

Loki smiled, “It was no worse than what I was already accustomed to. Now that I have you, I have all that I could ever want.”

“I feel that way too sometimes.” Absentmindedly I traced my finger along his sternum and through the sparse hair across his chest. “Do you want to know my favorite part about being here with you?”

“Tell me.” 

“It was spontaneous. I never get to do things likes this. Everyday I go to work and then back home. Rinse, repeat and hate every second it. You forced me out of that monotony…you always do.” I whispered. Loki shifted me onto his lap so that we were face to face. When I looked into his eyes there were so many complex emotions hiding in their depths. It was more than lust or passion that softened his expression. He’d shed his armor and I saw into his heart for what felt like the first time. What looked back at me was warm, passionate, and intense. It was not at all unlike the adoration he normally exuded, however it was amplified a million times stronger. Clearly Loki kept more of his feelings hidden from me than I ever imagined. _What is he afraid to show me?_ I didn’t have to wonder for very long before I found my answer.

Along side his passion was soul crushing anguish. When I saw it, I couldn’t look past it. I’d seen glimpses of it before but this time I witnessed it’s full breadth and my heart ached for him. I wanted desperately to take away his pain no matter the consequences. Seeing him so broken and dejected was awful. _Who hurt you? Why would they leave you to suffer like this?_ Like always, my feelings were transparent to him. Loki’s armor slammed shut the instant he saw the affected he’d had me. The way that he assumed his calm and collected façade made it seem like the hurt had never been there or I had imagined seeing it in the first place.

“You can always choose to change your path. I have seen you conquer far more demanding challenges without batting an eye. When you set your mind to something, it is as good as done. That has not changed.” Loki whispered. 

“I don’t even know where I would begin. I’m stuck.” 

He shook his head adamantly, “No you aren’t. Don’t believe that for a second. _My Ele_ always finds a way, even if the task seems impossible.” In that moment I knew that Loki was different than anybody I’d let into my life. I had known for a while that I cared for him more than I ever allowed myself to care for anyone. I wondered how deep my affections needed to grow before I could trust my heart to know the difference between infatuation and something more. How long did it truly take to know that what I felt for him wasn’t a fleeting emotion? Whatever I was feeling for Loki was new and scary, but that’s why I wanted to call it the L-word. 

When we finished with our bath, we wrapped ourselves in a couple of the fluffy robes and waited for the room service attendants to bring our dinner. Supposedly the restaurant downstairs had award-winning Mahi Mahi. _I’ll be the judge of that._ Loki on the other hand preferred red meat, like a true carnivore. Every now and again I’d catch him watching me, smiling to himself like he knew something that I didn't. Every time that I’d ask about it, he would brush it off and come up with some half backed excuse. Even though I didn’t believe him, I tried to.

Following dinner, I crawled in bed beside him. Relaxed, well fed, and in the company of the man of my dreams, it wasn’t long before I was fighting sleep. Deliberately I chose not to pull on any obstructive clothing. Loki would surely come grinding against me in the night, eager to sate his other hunger and I already knew that I wouldn’t protest. As I drifted to sleep, I turned over to him. I wanted his face be the last thing I saw tonight. If I was lucky I would dream of him all night.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. For some reason this chapter would not behave and has had three radically different endings. I've been looking forward to reaching this part of the story for a long time. If it has been too slow for you up to this point I apologize. More interesting things are on the way so don't give up just yet. As aways let me know what you think or don't. Another chapter will be up soon.


	22. Listen

From the start, there had been moments where Ele appeared to have sporadic episodes of awareness. Initially I hadn’t seen them for what they were and she simply did not understand their significance. Whether it was because of something I inadvertently said or an unconscious gesture, she reacted to me the way that she used to. Sometimes it was as if we had never been apart. Ele stepped back into the easy rhythm we had shared, without question or encouragement. We could communicate without need of words and move together without thought, harking back to the days when our bond was new. I could almost forget that she wasn’t whole and to some extent so could she. 

As far as Ele was concerned we began as perfect strangers, yet early on she felt a connection that she couldn’t explain. It was understandable that this would be terrifying for someone in her position. Ele had always been perceptive and cautious, now she had even more reason to be. Thus this unsettling development had not gone unnoticed. The woman lying next to me had faced assassins thrice her size and even then she never gave into fear the way she so often did. I was seeing a side of her I wasn’t accustomed to and thus far I had handled it poorly. Our bath time conversation was no exception; it caught me off guard. I hadn’t meant to speak so openly about the past tonight. 

While it was not the best decision, I was also confident that it wasn’t cause for concern. I’d learned that Ele was far more inclined to ignore or out right repel any reminder of our past than to investigate it. Sure, some things were met with little resistance, though the majority would be entirely dismissed. That was most often the case. My understanding of the situation had not made this reality any easier to stomach. In fact it often made it that much harder. At first her obliviousness had been disheartening, until I began to correlate certain reactions with familiarity. Ele wouldn’t have reason to respond so fervently to certain ideas or events if they weren’t significant to her in some way. Before tonight, vague recognition was the best outcome that I could have hoped for. 

I struggled to convince myself that Ele might never remember. I had tried to accept this as fact but I simply couldn’t. Instead, I chose to censor all that I said and all that I was to protect her in the meantime. _An undertaking you often fail to uphold._ Before tonight I had lived in constant fear of a future where this uncomfortable arrangement was all that she’d ever know between us. Now I was certain that one day soon Ele would remember being the woman I married. She’d proven to me that she still possessed those stolen memories. There was a chance, no matter how slight, that Ele might recover and that was all I needed. In the time that it had taken for me to earn her trust and become a fixture in her life, the effects of Odin’s incantations had already begun to weaken. 

I doubt Ele even realized that she had drifted between languages whilst she recounted her “dreams” to me. She never held a strong command of my language in the first place, however what little she had grasped she put to use. Allspeak sometimes had affect on more malleable minds and Ele’s mind had been exceptionally susceptible in the weeks following her conversion. My lessons during that period had also helped a great deal. On our wedding night Ele asked that we spend time together without the aid of Allspeak and I honored my promise on a few occasions before she was banished. Ele turned in her sleep, distracting me from my thoughts when she tangled herself in the sheets. I carefully freed the bedding from under her arms and then draped the covers over her shoulders. 

The other night I had managed to identify the curse that Odin used on her. Many nights throughout our short courtship were as sleepless as this one. Each evening I would wait until Ele had fallen asleep before I began to assess the damage that had been done. Often times I exerted myself to the point of injury while I carefully probed for answers. My task demanded more of me than I could accommodate with the remaining fragments of my seidr. Mercifully, I identified the curse before I sustained any permanent injuries. 

In my studies, I had only ever come across this incantation once. From what I could recall, the Vanir conceived this spell to rehabilitate those that had experienced great trauma or as a way of neutralizing individuals that posed a threat to others. It was always regarded as a form of compassionate treatment. However, anyone who had been relieved of its effects would describe it as nothing short of torture. For this reason, it had mostly fallen out of favor in civilized societies. That was as much as I had gathered considering the remaining pages had been burned out the book. At the time it hadn’t been of immediate interest so I let it go without a second though. Now I wished that I had done more. 

With this in mind I began to see Ele’s struggle in a new light. The physical and emotional toll that this curse had wrought on her was enraging. If that weren’t enough, I also discovered the evidence of safeguards; a clever secondary defense Odin left behind. He knew that given the chance, I would attempt to undo his work. Even if I were at my full strength, I wouldn’t dare tamper with these interwoven spells. The consequences were likely to be lethal for the both of us. All I had really revealed was that I could do nothing to mend her and all the while Ele would continue to suffer, without even understanding what she had done to deserve this. 

I did everything in my power to suppress this rage. Even though I was unable to lift this curse, I couldn’t allow myself to become so overcome with sentiment that I was unable to care for her. There was still so much that she did not understand and even more that she never would without my guidance. Immortality was not inherently an unpleasant state of being. Unfortunately for her, Midgard was not as tolerant as other realms when it came to this. After less than a decade, she was already withdrawn and cautious of her people. That was only going to get worse the longer she resided here. Whether she knew it or not, she needed me to protect her from herself and anyone with malicious intent. 

The only chance Ele had for escaping Odin’s curses and recovering her memories was through what she achieved on her own. I could only hope that my presence encouraged her to keep fighting. Watching her suffer while I did nothing caused me near physically pain. I was useless. Waiting and hoping that she would find a way out wasn’t enough. I was the reason that she’d been banished in the first place and I couldn’t even rescue her properly. Then an idea came to me, one that I hoped would offer some amount of comfort.

I wondered if _my Ele_ heard me when I spoke to her. She **was** in there, Ele had shared the proof with me tonight. Perhaps there was a way to pry open the bars of her mental prison that didn’t involve undoing Odin’s incantations. In order for Ele to remember the events in the “dreams” she’d described earlier, she had to have found her way around those curses before. Maybe all Ele needed now was some careful coaxing. I propped myself up on my pillow and looked down at her. One of the voices in my head warned that what I was about to do was foolish and my better judgment agreed. I just hoped that it didn’t end in catastrophe.

“It feels like yesterday that we ruled Asgard. We were magnificent together, with you being the better half at least. I’m sure you would have grown into the finest queen Asgard had ever seen. I could not have chosen anyone better suited than you. Do you remember the day we were married?” As I spoke, I feared what she would think if she were to awaken. Before I would go on I watched her, searching for any sign that she might have gained consciousness. 

“You were terribly nervous, not because you were betrothed to a King or even because you were to wed a man others reviled. You were afraid of being the center of attention even though you were deserving of it. Out of the two of us, I was the lucky one. I had the honor of marrying the woman every man in that hall could only dream of having. From the moment we were bound in blood, my world cannot revolve without you at the center of it. You promised me you were always mine and in turn I am equally yours.” I watched her, wondering if any of my words were getting through to her. Ele’s expression remained peaceful which was both discouraging and a relief at the same time.

“I missed you everyday. When I thought that I’d lost you, I confronted the limits of my sanity. I would tell you I emerged victorious but you have always been able to catch me in a lie. When I arrived I thought that the pain of loosing you was the worst feeling I would ever experience, until I found you in this state. You look at me and you don’t remember any of what we used to be. It twists a dagger in my chest every time you say my name and I see in your eyes that you don’t know who I am. I never should have allowed this to happen to you dove. If you can hear any of what I’m telling you, know that I will not give up on you. You must break free of your bonds or you will be trapped there. I’ll stay right here until you succeed. You needn’t worry about anything else.” I whispered. 

Ele shifted in her sleep, drawing a deep breath. I was careful not to let my desperation find meaning in an action when there wasn’t any. Ele stretched and turned into my embrace. _She does this every night. It doesn’t have to signify anything._ Nevertheless, I still allowed myself to close my arms around her. “If I could, I would take you away from this place. You deserve so much better than menial work. You don’t belong toiling each day for little reward, you belong with me in Asgard, presiding over our kingdom with grace and benevolence. You should be perched on my lap while I rule from my throne, giving me hell whenever I step out of line, in our bed taking my love into the early hours of the morning, and bearing my heirs when you’re ready.” 

Ele shifted again, this time a tiny smile tugged at the corners her lips. Then the warmth of happiness smoldered to life in my chest. I wanted to believe that I’d finally reached her. Even though she couldn’t give much more than a smile, it was a sign that she knew I had come for her. “You should be queen of our home, rearing my child while you grow large with our next.“ _Now you’re truly testing her patience._ I laughed to myself. If Ele were awake, I’m sure she would have bucked at the mere mention of our future family. 

“You can rest assured that that is a distant ambition. We must get through this first and we _will_ get through this. You have a strong heart and you never give up. That’s how I know you’re fighting with everything you have to give. If I could, I would do more. One careless countercharm is all it will take to end your life. I’ve already tempted fate with such matters once before. If you recall the night of your ball, I almost cast your soul into the void for all eternity. I don’t trust that I will be as fortunate a second time around.” I gently stroked her hair as I spoke. I knew that I was playing with fire. Ele could awaken at any moment, however there was a reckless piece of me that wished that she would. 

I settled on the pillow next to her, allowing myself to whisper nearer to her ear. “Do you remember that night dove? I spent the entire evening looking for you. Each time I managed to find myself in the crowd, I was filling my mouth with deserts. I’ll have you know that because of your chocolate indulgence, I was not the same for several days thereafter.” 

“You would be amazed at all that I’ve done for you…things you hardly notice now. I shortened my hair. You already know that I’d never choose to wear it this way. It feels…different. I’ve even become fond of that cellphone device you were always pining over. I suppose not all of that was your doing. Apps as you call them are very addicting.” I curled a ringlet of her hair around my finger, poking my luck with a stick at every opportunity. “You don’t know how many time’s I found myself speaking to a stranger before I had committed your number to memory.” Just the thought of seeing her eyes light with amusement brought a smile to my face. Maybe one day soon I’d get to see her reactions to the many things I’d clumsily taught myself in order to blend in with her people. Until then I had to settle for this and that weighed heavily in my heart. 

“I lied when I said I brought you to Miami to make you happy. I brought you here because I needed to have you to myself the way I’m used. You’ve always expressed a desire to travel, even when we were in Asgard. Regrettably this is the best I can do with limited means. When you recover, we can go wherever you want. We can even visit the other realms. I think you would enjoy Vanaheim. The Vanir are a delightful people. It’s not quite Asgard, but it’s the next best thing. We can also stay here and explore Midgard for another few centuries. Wherever you decide to go, know that I will gladly follow.” 

This time when Ele shifted she murmured, “I love you” in the common tongue of my people.  
A chill shot up my spine and I was sure my heart forgot a beat. I kissed her forehead in jubilation, “I love you too. I promised I would love and care for you for the rest of our lives. I will not forsake my vows.” I whispered, lacking the self-control to silence the elation in my voice. Before I had the chance to say anything else, I watched her grimace so I stilled, hoping that it would pass. Without warning Ele shrieked, thrashing in distress when she awoke in terror. Her eyes were wide with bewilderment and I instantly regretted my actions. In her flailing, her clenched fists bruised wherever they landed before I was able to restrain her.

“Ele it’s alright. You were having a nightmare.” I whispered, trying my best to calm her. Her body was trembling and her sobs twisted that dagger further into my chest. Once again my impatience had caused her more misery. Ele buried her face against my chest, shuddering as she wept. “You’re ok. It’s me, I’m not going to hurt you.” I stated, cradling her head against me. 

“It was so dark. I was suffocating and I couldn’t get out. Loki I didn’t want to be there! It hurt—I was so scared.” She stammered in between frantic sobs. 

“Listen to me,“ I lifted her chin so she would meet my gaze, “if anything like that ever happened, I’d never leave you there alone.” I told her. I needed _my Ele_ to hear me. I needed her to know I wouldn’t abandon her. Ele nodded with understanding then laid her head against my chest. In the minutes that followed, I continued to feel her tears land on my skin while I held her. Thankfully it didn’t take long for her to drift back to sleep. I on the other hand, could not rest after hearing what she endured. I couldn’t put her through this again. Not only did I run the risk of waking her with my ramblings, but if I continued to snatch her from her slumber this way, it would begin to have impact on her wellbeing. 

When the first rays of morning light dawned a new day, I felt a mixture of apprehension and anticipation taking root. Ele would wake soon and I already knew that she was going to keep us busy until later tonight. All the while my mind would continue to work this over from every angle, searching tirelessly for a way to help her break free. It was odd; speaking to her while she slept had garnered more of a reaction than anything I had ever done. My wife could open her heart, her home and her body to me without a fraction of the hysterics. With such mixed results, I had no way of gauging which path might lead to relief and which might lead to terror. It was in her best interest that I decipher it quickly.

I felt Ele begin to stir, stretching the way she did each morning as a part of her waking ritual. Then her eyes fluttered open, gradually bringing me into focus. “You’re already up?” She muttered, adjusting her pillow to level with me. 

“I am. Did you sleep well?” Of course my asking was a formality; I already knew that she hadn’t. Most of all, I wondered how much of my conversation had stayed with her. 

She chuckled, “Not really. I had weird dreams all night. I guess that’s why they say you should never go to bed on a full stomach.” 

“Your dreams weren’t too upsetting were they?” I inquired. Ele crinkled her nose, thinking for a long time before she would answer me. 

“Define upsetting?” She asked finally. 

“So unpleasant that you’ll never sleep again?” I suggested, intentionally being a bit dramatic. Ele laughed and moved closer to me so that our legs were intertwined. 

“Um…maybe one or two restless nights. If you stay with me in I promise I’ll sleep better.” 

“That can always be arranged.” I kissed her shoulder and she put her arm around me to keep me close. 

“Good. I thought we should get out early and have breakfast at this I place I found in Little Havana. They have really good reviews online and the pictures looked delicious.”

I smiled because of her enthusiasm, “Lead the way.” Despite the struggle I knew Ele grappled with internally, she still managed to be perky and upbeat first thing in the morning. I couldn’t decide if that brand of resilience was something worth celebrating or not.

Ele looked me in the eye and studied my face for a long time. All at once I saw a slew of dueling emotions churning in her mind. Then her serious gaze faded into another wide smile. “I’m glad you’re in my life.” 

“I always will be.” 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! The next chapter will be up in the next few days maybe even tonight. Let me know what you think. I want to hear it all. Chapter 23 will be up soon!


	23. Weather the Storm

“No, I’m not coming home. I’m going to ride it out.” I stated, trying to keep my annoyance from my voice. Loki briefly glanced up from his book with mild interest. “I know…everything is going to be fine.” I sighed. “But I’m not going to be alone. I’ve got Kat—“ My mother talked over me again. This time I held my phone away from my face and waited for her to finish so that I could get a word in edgewise. _And you wonder why I don’t come home anymore._ “Loki is going to stay with me through it.” I interjected. Now that I’d mentioned his name, he quit pretending not to eavesdrop. 

“Ele I don’t care if he’s staying with you. Unless he can stop a goddamn hurricane, it doesn’t make a difference. You’re right there on the water. I understand that you don’t like coming home, truly I do. At the very least you still need to consider going somewhere—“ 

“I’m three miles inland. Everything will be fine. Call you later.” I hung up before she could get a second wind and tossed my phone across the table. Then came the exasperated sigh that typically followed conversations with my mother. I noticed Loki watching me and with his expression alone he sought an explanation. “You don’t really have to stay with me. I was just trying to get her to stop worrying.“ 

Loki closed his book then placed it on the table next to my phone. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. What am I staying through?”

I felt my face scrunch incredulously. “Have you been living under a rock for the last week and a half?” Loki continued to stare at me, again demanding that I elaborate with just a look. “You mean to tell me you haven’t seen people stocking up on plywood or filling sandbags?”

“Yes, I have seen that.” Loki replied, this time his voice carried a subtle tone of irritation.

“Those are hurricane essentials—“

“You should have lead with that. Just because I’ve observed these things doesn’t mean I’m familiar with their utility.“ Loki added under his breath. 

“Whatever, clearly don’t watch any local weather either. There’s a category four hurricane making its way up the coast. They expect it to make landfall sometime this afternoon and it should pass us by later tonight.” I stood, crossing the kitchen to put our mugs in the sink. 

“That means what exactly?”

“Loki…it means that there’s about to be a **terrible storm**.” _How do you not know what a hurricane is?_

He settled back into the chair, appearing to thoughtfully consider what I’d just explained to him. “So it’s just a storm then?” I couldn’t believe it. After all that, Loki sounded unimpressed.

“Yeah…just a _little_ storm. While you keep thinking that, I’m going to run to the store and fight some old ladies for some Spam because that is all that will be left. I would have done my shopping yesterday if Christa hadn’t made me work open to close again. She had us boarding up her fucking windows all night. I didn’t get home until after 1am. You know, it would be great if her store flooded. Then I’d never have to never set foot in that place ever again.” I laughed.

“Had you mentioned this when we returned from Miami, I would have taken care of it for you. You could have provided me with a list and everything would have been here when you came in last night.” Loki replied as he followed me back into the bedroom. 

“I wasn’t about to ask you to buy me groceries. Besides, I didn’t even know if you were going to stay with me or if we might go to your place—it doesn’t really matter what I thought. Right now, we need to haul ass to the store. I’d like to get back here before the rain starts.“ I wasn’t even dressed yet and I was already exhausted from all that I still had to do. My mind got even further ahead, beginning to daydream about getting back into my pajamas. _Lazy._

I slipping out of my nightshirt and pulled a bra from the drawer. Meanwhile Loki went through his ever-growing laundry pile at the end of my dresser. I was tempted to give him a dresser drawer of his own but that seemed a little too official. Next he was going to have his own nightstand or a side of the closet. _Doesn’t he already have all that anyway?_ Now that I stopped to think about it, Loki was more moved in than I’d previously thought. It was only because of my stubbornness that he still lacked a drawer. 

Kat leapt onto the bed, pestering me until I gave in to petted her. She always became super needy when she saw me getting ready to go out. “What is her problem?” Loki asked as he maneuvered around me to take my brush from the dresser. _Stop kidding yourself. It’s a communal brush now. “ **Our brush** ” or “ **the brush** ” is more appropriate._

“She knows we’re about to go out and we aren’t taking her with us.” I told him while I scratch behind her ears. Kat licked my arms in the hopes that that would somehow sweet-talk me into bringing her along. “I’m sorry short stuff. We’re going to be right back. Don’t eat any walls while we’re gone ok?” I wiped her slobber on her fur then went to the bathroom to wash up. 

When I returned, I stopped in the doorway to observe their interaction. Kat eyed Loki warily. She crept closer to sniff him while he sat at the edge of the bed to put on his shoes. Reluctantly Loki petted her, stroking her shoulder before going for a scratch behind the ears the way I had done. At first Kat tolerated it, then when she’d had enough she bared her teeth in warning. It was obvious neither of them enjoyed the encounter. The only other thing half as amusing was the way that they fought at night. Sometimes Kat liked to crawl into bed with us. She would paw her way between Loki and I until she could curl up next to me. One of two things would happen. Either Loki would wake up and drag her by her scruff out of the room then lock the door or he would turn over and sulk, biding his time until he could put her out without waking me.

I sauntered over to him and rested my arms on his shoulders, “When are you two going to make friends? It hurts my heart to see you both at odds all the time.” 

“I was unaware that I had to compete for your affections with a hound—“ 

“Hey! She’s not just a _hound_ mister. Kat is my little girl. She was here first babe.” I teased before stealing a quick kiss. 

“Ele it’s a dog, not your child! The way you dote over that mongrel is unreasonable. The two of us should not be regarded as equals. I’m a bit more complex.” Loki argued. This was the same resentment that he always displayed when we came to her. Now it more closely resembled jealousy.

“Are you really?” I scoffed, running my fingers through his hair.

“Yes—“ 

“I feed you, house you far more often than I should, and when you want attention I pet you. How is that more complex?” I jested. 

“You don’t _pet_ me—“ 

“ _Oh_ but I do. We just call it something very different.” I giggled. Loki rolled his eyes then shoved past me on his way out of the bedroom. 

I hurried to catch up with him before he got very far. “Loki, you’re not actually upset with me are you?” 

“No, what would give you that idea?” He countered bitterly. 

“I was just kidding. I didn’t think you would take it so seriously. If it’ll make you feel better, I won’t let her on the bed when you’re here. I know how much you hate that.”

He turned on the spot to look down at me and his eyes were rife with contempt. “I do not want her in bedroom at all.” He declared. 

I sighed, before nodding in agreement. “Fine, but that’s as far as I’m going.” If I let him have his way, I had no doubt that he’d try to confine her to the balcony. For a Husky in Georgia, that was basically a death sentence. Loki smiled, though it wasn’t very heartfelt. It was more sarcastic than anything else. “You’re a cat person aren’t?”

“I’ve been accused of it before.” As we moved towards the hall, Kat started to complain again. Loki had lagged behind to keep her from slipping out the front door when her vocal protesting finally pushed his temper an inch too far. “Inside!” He shouted. Kat tucked her tail and scampered back into the apartment. Just before he closed the door, I heard her trying to fit under the bed.

“You don't need to scream at her like that.”

“Your animal has exhausted my patience.” He snapped at me. 

Instead of arguing with him, I took the high ground and tried to let it go. The tension had been building between the two of them from the night I brought Loki home. Frankly I was surprised that it had taken this long to reach a breaking point. I just hoped the time away would be enough to calm his tempter. “It’s a good thing I’m on the seventh floor or we might need to worry about flooding.” I mentioned as we stepped into the elevator. 

“If this storm is going to be as bad you’re suggesting, why are you willing to stay?” 

“I don’t want to go home and I don’t have the money for a hotel. I can either stay here and ride it out or live out of my car the next few days. We get storms like this every so often without a lot going wrong. Every time Mom calls me with the same concerns and honestly, I don’t have the energy to deal with her for the next week nor do I feel like driving for twenty hours straight.” I explained. We went into the garage and piled in my car. Loki still looked apprehensive, despite having ridden in it several times.

“Alright. Plan of attack, you go in for the canned foods and I’m going for the personals and perishables. We just need enough for a couple days. I still have some things in the pantry to help tide us over.”

“Understood.” 

There wasn’t any traffic, considering most people had the good sense to stay home. The sky was already foreboding even though the storm wasn’t supposed to blow in for another hour or two. When we got to the grocery store, the parking lot was mostly vacant. I suspected that the few cars that I did see belong to the storeowners. They were going to be closing up soon, which meant that we only had a few minutes to do our last minute shopping. “I’m paying. Get everything that you will need.” Loki stated as he got out of the car. 

“What? No.” 

“This is not up for debate. Get everything that you need, irrespective of the price.” He said, walking into the store ahead of me. I hated it when he pulled stunts like this. Yes, it was stupid of me to turn down his offers because I really needed the help, yet accepting this kind of support from him was entirely out of the question. With such little time, I resigned to dealing with this issue once we hit the registers. I took a cart and went to get a bag of dog food for Kat. Heaving the 20-pound sack, I dropped it into the basket before hurrying to the pharmacy to grab some tampons and another box of condoms. Just as I stopped to search the shelf for my preferred brand, Loki noisily added an arm full of nonperishables into the cart. “That was fast.” 

“This was all there was in the isle.” 

“Well that should be enou—really? Pickled onions?”

“They were more enticing than the jar of pigs feet that I left behind. I thought you might find them to be…edible.” He mused, taking the jar from me to read over the label. 

I laughed. “Edible for you maybe.”

“I have seen you eat pickles before. There is hardly any difference between the two.” Loki countered while we continued through the isle. 

“They are not the same. Real pickles are good. Onions are onions, pickled or not and I hate onions.” I stated as threw in a box of Trojans. “Do you need to run past your palace to pick up anything? I know I kind of invited you over spur of the moment, so we can swing past there if you’d like.“ 

“That won’t be necessary.” Loki replied, running his hand along my waist so that he could get by. It was strange how little gestures like that comforted me. They always felt so rehearsed and I reacted without thought, knowing instinctively how to move so that we didn’t get in each other’s way. Loki tucked a thick wad of cash into my hand before I could protest. I looked down at the dense bundle of hundreds and almost choked.

Instantly I turned on my heels to face him, “What the fuck!?” 

“I am not going to negotiate with you. Use this to pay for everything in the basket and then keep the rest. I’m trust you will put it to good use.” He said quietly. 

“Loki, I can’t take this from you! How—how many thousands of dollars is this!?” I stammered, trying to keep my voice quiet.

“Five or eight. Do you need more?” 

I was livid, however this wasn’t a conversation to be had in lane five. “We need to talk…later.” I stated, shoving the money back in his hand. With no one ahead of us, we were able to quickly get through check out and back out to my car. I popped the hatch then started loading in the bags. 

“Now you’re not speaking to me?” He asked, helping me to fill the trunk.

I wouldn’t even look at him; instead I left him to return the cart. On the way home, rain began to hit the windshield. At first it was only a few drops here and there, until it strengthened into steady downpour. “Would you do me a favor and take the stuff up? I need to walk Kat.” I asked as I was parking. Even though I phrased it as a question, it wasn’t intended to be optional. Loki did as I’d asked and collected a few bags to bring up with him on this first trip. 

When I unlocked the door Kat greeted me but she shied away from Loki, still a little miffed about being shouted at earlier. I secured her leash and she happily bounded to the door. “I’ll be back. Lock the car when you’re done.” I called to him, tossing him my keys on my way out. Loki looked like he was about to say something in protest but I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. Like Kat, I was still upset with him too. _For a much different reason._

We went back down the stairs and started on our usual route. Kat put her nose to the ground to follow the scents the way she always did on her walks. It was still raining and now the wind was starting to pick up. In a strange way the storm was almost peaceful. The empty streets were serene and I was looking forward to the soothing sound of raindrops pelting against the windows. My plan was to let her circle the block a couple times so that she could burn off some energy and so that I could spend more time away from him. This walk wasn’t just for Kat’s benefit; it was for mine as well. The three of us were about to be locked in together for the next however long and each of us was already on a hair-trigger.

At the best of times I didn’t like accepting gifts, especially not gifts that large. He knew this and yet he still tried to shove it down my throat. Whether it was loan debt or bills that robbed me of every penny I made each payday, eight grand would go a long way towards digging me out of my financial pit. What Loki was offering was a much-needed reprieve, yet I knew I couldn’t touch a single cent of it if I wanted our relationship to last. Accepting his money went against everything I stood for. First and for most my pride would never allow me to take his money. Another less explored reason was because I barely knew anything about his source income. For all I knew he could be into white-collar crime or drug dealing. We never really talked about where he worked, only that it was in the industrial park behind Christa’s, at some non-profit that I could never find online. 

Not to mention his office kept weird business hours because Loki never seemed to be there. He was always with me or just out of sight and still eerily close by for some reason. I decided that if we were to get more serious than we already were, I needed better answers than those he’d originally provided. Even if the responses he gave weren’t satisfactory, I still knew that I wouldn’t reject him. That choice was already made for me, just like my decision about the drawer had been. The way that we fell together was too natural for me to ever walk away without a struggle. I was addicted and he was my drug. 

I liked having someone to wake up to in the mornings, someone to talk to about my day, and someone to share meals with, even if I was only good for ordering delivery. Little things like the way he held me or the way that we moved around each other in the kitchen felt so fluid that I was sure we could read each other’s minds. When Loki touched me he knew my body better than I did and my softer parts accepted him with a mirrored familiarity. What we had was too precious to unravel over something as petty as money. I just wished that he could understand that. 

Kat slipped free of her collar and bolted across the street, chasing after something that caught her attention. “Kat!” I shouted, running to catch up with her. Thankfully there were no cars on the road however she was a lot faster than me. She dashed around the back of a building and heard her howls fading into the distance. I ran as fast as I could, trying to catch up with her but I was too slow. Now I started to panic and tears sprang to my eyes, “Kat!” The rain started coming down harder, drowning me out as I screamed her name. No matter what, I had to find her before I went back inside. _I have to._

I searched around the block six times, running three streets over and back until I was out of breath. I looked near trashcans and the park, scouring anywhere that a dog might have been drawn to. Fifty minutes later, I was still looking but I hadn’t found her. At this point I was soaked to the bone, shivering, my hair had turned into a cloud and the rain mingled with the tears that slid down my cheeks. 

“Ele!” Loki called, jogging towards me. When he found me I was crying hysterically as I clutched her collar. “What happened? Where is Kat?” He asked, quickly looking me over for injury. 

“I don’t know…she just ran off and now I can’t—She’s gone—“ I tried to explain before my sobbing interrupted me. Loki pulled me into his arms and a gust of wind toppled a few nearby trashcans. I swayed when another strong gale hit me broadside until Loki shielded me with his body. 

“We’ll find her once the storm passes. We need to go inside.” 

I angrily snatched away from him, “No! I won’t leave her out here.” 

“You can’t run through this weather looking for her. I won’t allow it. Her instincts will keep her alive. I need to keep you safe.” Loki said tenderly. 

“No! I’m not going anywhere without her—“ 

“Ele I will bring you by force if I have to. Please come of your own volition.” He softened his tone in an attempt to persuade me before having to move me against my will. Stubbornly I continued to resist. True to his word, Loki didn’t compromise with me on this. He ushered me towards my building with a firm hold around my waist. In spite of my struggling, he continued to handle me with care. Loki even shielded from me the violent winds. Soon I found myself in the lobby. _We’re going inside to safety and Kat is still out there._

In the quiet of the elevator, I fought to silence my sobs. The more I tried, the more pathetic I sounded. Loki loosened his gasp on me once the doors slid together. As I stood here next to him, I felt myself getting angrier and angrier. I knew most of it was misguided; yet I was losing control of everything. “We will find her. It’s going to be alright.” He assured me. Then his words hit something inside of me, something that was familiar and sore. I tore away from him looking up at him, suddenly feeling overwhelmed in every sense of the word. Loki hurried to follow me into the apartment, “Ele?”

“Are you happy now? You wanted her gone and now she is! Just stay away from me.” I stammered through my tears. Loki stopped at the doorway in the kitchen and his expression became unreadable. Back peddling, I went into the bathroom and slammed the door behind. My mind turned on itself in emotional conflict. A primal part of me looked to Loki for comfort, while another saw him as the cause for my anger and heartache. _First the money and now Kat._ I turned on the faucet to fill the tub in case of an emergency but also to drown out the sound of my sobbing. I doubled over, holding my knees and let it all out while I could. 

The longer I crouched there, bawling on the floor, the more I began to question all that I was feeling. I wasn’t losing my mind this way solely because Kat had run away; it was because I remembered feeling like this before. This brand of emptiness had once suffocated me. This awful feeling had overtaken my life for months after I had been found. I’d become so well acquainted with it that for as long as I lived I never wanted to experience it again. After this sadness came the desperate longing that had become my faithful companion. I never knew what it was that I sought but I constantly yearned for something I could never attain. Bearing this in mind, I had no desire to start that process anew.

With one sadness blending into the other, I decided to unravel them and deal with them one at time. Maybe Loki was right and Kat’s instincts would keep her alive. I considered it to be a pretty lie, though once I convinced myself of it I felt a little better. However, that did nothing to distract me from why I was initially upset with Loki. Being mad at him for making me leave Kat out there was something I could shelve, yet my anger with him over his enormous gift was an issue for the here and now. 

With as much strength as I could gather, I dried my eyes and turned off the tap. I had to be strong. Having a meltdown while we were locked in together was not an option. So I put on a brave face and returned to the kitchen to start unloading the groceries. Loki had already begun putting things away for me but he stopped once I returned. Contrary to what I had expected, Loki didn’t crowd me. Instead he gave me the distance I needed. I ended up going behind him to move items into their proper places. I took the baked beans from the second shelf and put them third. There was a near obsessive order to my cabinets. While it was not freakishly neat, I liked to have everything in the same place. When I bought a new can of beans, they went in the same spot as the can before them. 

When I looked for him I found him standing by the balcony door, peeping through the blinds. “They say you should stay away from the windows.” I said quietly. Loki pretty much ignored me, continuing to peer through the parted slats. “Fine. Go ahead and get hit with a fucking tree. It’s your choice.” I said under my breath. He let the blinds go and they loudly swung back into place. 

“Are you upset with me because I brought you inside? I won’t apologize for protecting you.” Loki answered bluntly. _Of course you won’t._ Even though I was angry, I stood by my conviction to put that entire line of thought out of mind for the time being. I was still upset with him from before and that was the issue I would focus on. 

“Why did you try to give me all that money earlier?” I asked as he walked towards me. 

“You have more need of it than I do.” Loki answered without any hesitation. 

“That’s not the point. I can’t accept _eight thousand_ dollars from you—“

“Why not? Its just paper.”

“ _Why not?_ Loki, what is with you? Why are you always so goddamn clueless? I work my ass off to provide for myself and I don’t need your fucking handouts.” I spat. 

“It isn’t a hand out. I didn’t give you the money out of pity or as a disrespect to you. I have money, you have need of it and it is enough to significantly lessen your burdens. I don’t understand why you won’t allow me to do something nice for you.” Loki finally argued. He waited, expecting that to answer him. _Because you’re going to want it all back when you decide to leave, which you **will** once I slip up and let you see just how crazy I am._ That didn’t even begin to breech the whole issue where I had to prove my self-sufficiency to everyone who had ever treated me like I helpless.

I averted my gaze, “I don’t owe you an explanation. You can’t force me to take your money.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that I might have your best interest at heart? Your wellbeing is my highest priority. I am done idly standing by, watching you struggle to acquire basic necessities. All because your blessed pride is linked to this absurd notion that accepting assistance somehow tarnishes your value. Everything that I have ever tried to do for you, you have seen as an affront on your independence. What is wrong with me doing nice things for the woman I care about?” Loki demanded. 

Each time I tried to avoid meeting his gaze, he’d move to maintain eye contact. A heavy tightness started to coil in my chest. “Doing something nice is walking Kat for me, bringing me dinner after I’ve worked a double shift, or whisking me off to Miami for the weekend. Eight thousand dollars isn’t _nice_ Loki! It’s too much.” I shouted. 

“To me they are all the same.” He shouted impatiently. 

“And to me they’re not. Why can’t you take no for an answer?” 

“I already explained why.” Loki sighed in frustration, ”Consider it my share of the rent if you must. I’m here often and I estimate I’ve used enough of your resources to warrant some form of reparation.” For a long moment silence fell between us, and I stared back at him in disbelief. If I accepted, I knew that I would never be able to take it as a gesture of goodwill. I would start to nitpick every cent that I spent and go to great lengths to try to repay him. Loki would of course try to stop me and that would only make things worse. I didn’t trust myself not to ruin what we had over money. 

“You just can’t leave well enough alone can you?”

Loki finally relented, having realized that I wasn’t going to budge on the issue, at least not without having a meltdown in the process. He cautiously stepped closer to me, being careful not to trample over another one of my boundaries. “As you wish.” He conceded. Loki continued to inch closer until he could pull me against his front. At first I tried to push him away but that only made him hold me tighter. Finally I gave in and laid my head against the cool dampness of his t-shirt. 

He rested his chin against my forehead and I found myself squeezing him harder, savoring his familiar scent. When I was in his arms it felt _right_ and when I looked up at him something in me the pit of my stomach coiled tighter. Suddenly something awakened in me. I couldn’t explain what that _something_ , but I knew with every fiber of my being that Loki was a part of me. I could feel him flowing through my veins and his smell was etched into the very fabric of memories. 

The rain strengthened, spraying against the windows between hailing gusts of wind that rattled the panes. The sound beckoned me back to reality. Loki looked up and seemed to be growing uneasy with the storms intensity. “Don’t tell me your afraid of a little storm?” I chided. 

“I wasn’t. I’m concerned that this structure won’t be able to withstand anything more severe.”

“It might not. The worst is yet to come. We’d better spend the night in the bathroom. It’s the only room without windows.” I said as another more powerful gust of wind struck the side building. “Let’s change out of these wet cloths.” I suggested, pulling away from him to head into the bedroom. He followed behind me, slipping out of his shirt then tossed it into the laundry basket. Meanwhile I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. 

Another heavy wind rattled the building, only this time it was sustained and the rain came in thrashing waves. It sounded more like someone throwing water at the window from buckets rather than it raining from the sky. Some of the patio furniture that the neighbors upstairs hadn’t taken indoors flew off of their balcony and onto mine. Their table slammed against my sliding doors and fractured the glass. I jumped with the noise of the impact and I realized that I’d grabbed his arm in fear. Loki left me by the door to look through the curtains. 

“What does it look like out there?” 

“Visibility is minimal.”

I went to his side to get a peek out of the window. The rain made everything look white and the wind blew the trees until they threatened to touch the ground. Farther down the street one of the transformers began to spark. When it blew, it popped so loudly that even through the roar of the storm and through my window we could hear it. In a matter of seconds we were in darkness. “Well...we’ll be lucky to have power again before this time next week.” I said with a pensive sigh. Loki looked at me as though I’d lost my mind for taking this all so calmly. Inside I was on the verge of a panic attack. This wasn’t my first hurricane. I had sat through other storms, however I could already tell this one was going to be a lot worse than any those. 

“I’ll get a flashlight and you get that blanket.” I said, quickly feeling my way though the drawer until my hand landed against my flashlight. Without another word, Loki gathering the quilt from the foot of my bed and followed me into the bathroom. 

“Why is the bathtub—“ 

“Because we can’t get water without electricity Loki. That’s for flushing, washing, and hopefully not drinking. Though if we get desperate enough we might have to.” I turned on the flashlight then slid down the wall to sit the floor. I looked up at him, patting the tile beside me to encourage him to join me. Carefully, Loki found his place on the floor. 

“I’m starting to think we should have taken your mother's advice and left the city. I can’t even think about you sitting through this alone.” Loki said quietly. 

“I left for the one last September. I’ll tell you like I told mom, we’re far enough inland to be safe from flooding.” I muttered quietly. 

“Flooding is the only danger. The fact that you have put yourself at risk many times before does not sit well with me.” Loki stated, noticeably trying to dampen the edge in his voice. Another gale of wind tore through and I could hear it prying pieces of siding off the building. I laid my head on his shoulder before giving in to temptation to climb onto his lap. In truth, I never really cared what happened to me. I was starting to doubt that anything could actually kill me. It was the pain I feared the most. Of course Loki didn’t know about my superhuman healing powers and he never would as long as I could help it. 

As we sat in the darkness, we listened to the raging chaos outside. I couldn’t stop worrying about Kat. She was somewhere out there in this weather. I had no idea what was happening to her or if I was going to see her again. Loki sensed my line of thinking and tightened his grip around me, “Kat will be fine.” He assured me, brushing his fingers along my cheek. Even with his comforting I still cried. 

The screaming wind got worse as the eye of the storm crept upon us. At some point the window in my bedroom shattered, allowing glass and debris spray into the room. The whole building rattled when the winds broke inside. Loki leaned against the door to keep it shut but I still felt the air rushing through the cracks. For the first time in a long time I was afraid that something terrible would to happen to us. Loki held me closer and calmly comforted me in spite of the world around us being blown apart. “I promise, I won’t let anything harm you.” Loki whispered against the shell of my ear. It was insane for me to believe him when I could barely hear his voice over the roar of Armageddon but for some reason I did. 

A couple hours later, the worst had pass us by. Sheltered in his protective embrace, I begin to relax. Loki hadn’t let anything happen to me, just like he’d promised. Soon the tension of fear faded from my body and I began to lose my grip on consciousness. He'd done the impossible and kept me safe from ‘a goddamn hurricane.’ With Loki here, I trusted that we would make it through the night.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Fun fact this was actually the first chapter that I had written for Always Mine. That's not meant to imply that this chapter is special or anything...because it's not. Also it was way way too long to upload as one chapter so I broke it into two parts with this one being the first. I had every intention of posting before I went out of town but shit happens. If something random is going to go wrong, 90% of the time it happens to me. The next chapter should be up very soon.


	24. In Shambles

When I awoke I was in bed, drenched in sweat after the muggy air had inundated my little apartment. The sheets were pulled over me, yet even that amount of coverage was too oppressive to withstand. I didn’t move to get up right away; I instead took a few seconds to survey my situation. The absence of the screaming wind told me that the storm had passed, a fact I was immeasurably grateful for. Then I reached to the other side of the bed in search of Loki. My hand slid over cool sheets in the place he should have been. I sat up in the darkness and scanned the room for his shadowy figure. On cue a few pans noisily clattered onto the kitchen floor. _Found him._ Loki must have gotten hungry.

I swung my feet over the edge and I checked the time. _Just after four. Perfect time for a midnight snack I guess._ Stretching through a yawn, I went over to the dresser to grab a hair tie to pull my wild curls off my shoulders. That would certainly provide some relief from this heat. _Watch out for the glass!_ I had almost forgotten about the way that the storm had invaded last night. Instead of finding the carpet littered with a million sharp shards, I discovered a trashcan full of the broken pieces beneath the window. 

When I looked around, I realized that Loki had done quite a lot of cleaning while I was asleep. I ventured closer to peer through the pane-less frame and I saw that my misfortune had been shared by a lot of people on my block. The curtains fluttered in the stale breeze and I cringed just thinking about how long it would take maintenance to get around to repairing all of this damage. After I finished pulling my hair up, I sauntered around the corner to see Loki standing by the stove. He lit the burner with a match and adjusted the saucepan over the flames. 

“You’re trying to burn down the building aren’t you?” I asked, wondering towards him to see what he was fixing. “Yum, baked beans.” 

A low laugh reverberated in his chest, “I wasn’t preparing this for you.” 

“Well I’ll be sure to beg for your forgiveness _after_ I steal some.” I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and hugged him from behind. Loki opened another can for me and poured the extra helping into the pan with his.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t wake me. I was getting up anyway.” I pressed my face against his back and tightening my arms around his middle. “Sorry I went bitch mode on you earlier.” 

I heard the smirk in his voice, “You were under a lot of stress. It wasn’t personal. I was surprised that I didn’t receive more of a verbal lashing. You’re quite skilled at doling those and between you and I, I sometimes enjoy them.” _You’re absolutely right. If you fuck up, I will cuss you out and I wouldn’t be shy about it. However this was not the case._ Of course Loki wasn’t the least bit begrudging, not that that did anything to relieve me of the guilty feeling that had begun to hollow in my chest.

“I know but that’s no excuse. You were just trying to help and I’m trying _really_ hard to get used to you being a part of my life. It’s just a lot for me to handle and sometimes it’s too much.” I confessed. 

Loki turned to me, his expression softening with understanding. “Take all the time you need. I’m in no hurry.” When he looked at me with so much affection, all I could ever imagine was how painful it would be when he began to push me away. I dreaded the day that those loving looks would contort with confusion once he learned the truth. 

An overwhelming sense of vulnerability set in and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from letting everything spill out. It was inevitable. The weight of all the secrets that I kept locked behind my lips couldn’t remain dammed for much longer. I suppose now was as good a time as any to tell him the truth. In fact it was the best opportunity I’d had so far. Loki was going trapped in here with me until dawn. I could begin to accept my fate, for better or for worse and finally put an end to this torment. On that note, I gathered my courage and accepted that I was going to bare it all.

“The problem is, I don’t know how long that could take. My life is a wreck right now and I don’t know where you fit into it or if you should. Let’s not pretend that whatever this is between us is slowing down. You deserve someone better—“ 

“Stop it.” Loki admonished. 

“No. I can’t keep pretending that I’m perfectly normal. No matter how hard I try, I can’t give myself to you the way that you’ve already done for me. Whenever you’re around I’m a different—a better person. You bring out the good parts of me that I can’t find on my own.” 

“Ele you’ve given me more than enough already. I am not asking for anything you haven’t freely given.” 

“It doesn’t feel like it. When you look at me, I can see how much you care about me. I’ve always been able to, even when I couldn’t open up enough to show you that I felt the same way about you. You look at me like I’m something divine and I’m not. I’m fucked up. It’s only a matter of time before you see me at my worst and I don’t want you to.” I confessed.

The swelling emotions filled my chest because I knew I’d hit a point of no return. I didn’t like telling people about the part of my life that I had forgotten because afterwards they always treated me differently or looked at me with pity. Nothing wounded me more than pity. I don’t think I could survive that from Loki. All that I was sure of, was that it was better to tell him than to go on pretending that it would never come to light or that I could continue to hide this from him. 

Loki looked heartbroken by my admission. “Ele I don’t think you’re fucked up.” He said affectionately. 

I shook my head anyway, “I don’t like talking about this because it changes how people see me. They _always_ do, even when they say they won’t.”

“Who?” 

“My family, the friends I used to have, my psychiatrists…basically anyone whose opinion ever meant anything to me. When they look at me, they just see someone who's damaged and weak. I can see it in their eyes. _‘Poor Ele. **Poor thing**. She needs to be coddled because she’s not well and we have to protect her from everything like she’s a child.’_ ” I mocked bitterly. 

“I would never think that.” Loki stated, with more sincerity that anyone had ever granted me. Sure, they all said that they’d believe me before I actually told them the whole story. _He’s just better at lying than the rest of them._

“You will.” I rebutted quietly. Even with that short utterance, I couldn’t stop my voice from quivering. 

“I’m certain that I won’t.” Loki affirmed. 

“Four years ago I woke up in a parking lot in El Paso. I don’t know how I got there or where I came from. I was just _there_ , pealing myself off the blacktop.” I swallowed hard, waiting for Loki to give me the look everyone always gave me. Then I risked a glance up at him and found that his expression wasn’t at all piteous. Instead the look in his eyes was caring. He even appeared more hurt by my experience than he was sympathetic. This reaction was very different than what I was used to getting. 

“I don’t remember very much besides having a _horrendous_ headache. I couldn’t think clearly for weeks because of it and nothing I took for the pain helped. It just ached to think. After I woke up, I didn’t know what to do, so for some reason I called my roommate. At first I couldn’t understand why she was so surprised to be hearing from me, until she told me that I’d been missing for three years. One minute I was waking home from class and the next I’m a thousand miles away in El Paso _three years_ later? How could I just forget that much of my life Loki? How the hell could I forget getting a scar like this?” I asked, gesturing to the line that ran along the swell of my cheek. Loki didn’t answer my rhetorical question, but I could see that he really wanted to say something. 

Now I was fighting to hold back tears, “I managed to call Scott. Then he and Mom flew out to get me that day. She was so upset and angry with me in the beginning. She thought that I just left. That’s what everyone thought. So she took me home and for a while everything seemed fine. I sort of picked up where I left off, until I started having these breakdowns. I would be completely inconsolable for days on end, bawling my eyes out at the drop of a dime. Kind of like the way you found me that day. Sometimes I would go to speak to someone and say things that made no sense.” I stopped to give myself on last chance to change my mind. There was no way to take back what I was about to tell him and I was genuinely terrified of how he might react to this next part. 

“It got really bad one night when we were out to dinner. I _lost_ it for real for real this time. I mean totally derailed. Out of the blue I started ranting about how the waiter had poisoned my food and was trying to kill me. I kept screaming that there were rebels hiding in the serving staff and they were coming for me because I was alone. Then…I went after our waiter with a steak knife. Naturally someone called the cops and I spent the next 8 months in a psych ward, no surprise there. At some point or another I’d had everything they could diagnose, until they settled on a condition they thought I showed the most symptoms for. Really I think they just gave up and decided to medicate me to the point where it didn’t matter what I had. It was never about fixing me, they just wanted to make my _condition manageable_. All of it made me sick except a few drugs. I still try to take the pills even though I know they never worked.” I refused to look at Loki. The second I did was sure I that I’d loose ever wisp of composure that I’d held onto.

“After I was released, Scott told me that I’d been acting strange that whole day. He said I’d been switching back and forth between English and whatever garble I’d been speaking before. Then somewhere between the time that I tried to kill our waiter and when the paramedics sedated me, I wouldn’t stop screaming about someone opening a bridge.”

There was a part of me that was waiting for Loki to say something. I’d seen the gamete of reactions to this story. Each time I’d change psychiatrists they’d ask me to relive this horrible part of my life and each time I endured yet another traumatic experience. I wasn’t expecting anything significantly better from Loki, though I greatly feared anything significantly worst. His silence left me feeling anxious and I forced myself to get the rest of it out before I changed my mind.

“Something is wrong with me. I don’t know what and I know for a fact none of those doctors did either. Then that makes me feel a million times more insane because no one understands what I’m going through. To them I’m just another fucking nutcase. Well no—they were right about one thing. _I am_ depressed some of the time because I’m missing a big chunk of me that I shouldn’t be missing. It feels like I’m mourning, only I can’t remember who I’ve lost or I’m homesick for a place I’m not even sure is real and nothing has ever filled that void in me.” I could feel the tears slipping down my cheeks against my best efforts to control them. 

“And the worse part is…after all this time and everything that I’ve been through, I still don’t feel any better. I still feel just as lost and afraid as I did the day I found myself in that fucking parking lot. If I’m sure of anything, it’s that I’m not supposed to be _here_. I don’t know how I know or why, I just do.” Now I couldn’t stop the waterworks. I’d just bared my soul to him and there was nothing left for me to hide behind. I didn’t want him to reject me. _Gods I was terrified of that!_ “You think I’m crazy too don’t you?” I choked in between sobs. 

“No, I don’t. You’re certain you can’t remember _anything at all_?” 

I shook my head, “I try all the time Loki but…it’s just blank. Sometimes I think I remember and before I can place it, its gone again. I know it’s something I _should_ remember. I can feel it. Every day I look in the mirror and it feels like a stranger is looking back at me through her eyes. She knows that I don’t know anything and she hates it. I know it’s stupid and it’s probably not what you want to hear from someone in my position but…when I’m with you all that stops and it doesn’t hurt anymore.” I said pressing my face to his chest. 

He cradled me against him and hugged me tightly. “It doesn’t matter why. All that matters is that I will be here for as long as you will have me. You’re not crazy.” He whispered as he wiped away my tears. After so many people had tried to tell me what I was going through, he finally validated me and accepted my reality as the truth. Now I was crying with relief that **finally** someone believed me. He gently rocked me, trying to calm my sobbing. “Not a single thing you have said to me is crazy. Not one.” Loki said sternly. When I looked up at him, I saw a seriousness that no one had ever had. He believed me even when the things I said sounded absurd to my own ears. 

Confused, I looked up at him. “How is that not crazy? I still don’t know what happened to me.” 

“You will remember. You already do, you just haven’t realized it.” He answered carefully. 

“I want to know now. I’m sick of feeling like this!” I protested as I struggled to not sound like an impatient toddler. 

“It will come to you in time. This is not something that can be rushed.” Loki whispered. As he spoke he ran his thumb along my bangle. Sometimes I could swear that it grew warm around my wrist, mirroring the heat of his fingers when he would hold me there. 

“This is the only thing I have left from when I was gone.” I mumbled.

This made Loki smile, “Where do you think you might have gotten this?” I froze, realizing that I’d never asked myself that before. _Where did you get this?_ My brain had always diverted my thoughts around this obvious question. I knew it was important to me and that I’d gotten it during the years that I had been missing but until now I never questioned any of that.

“It’s not the kind of thing I would have bought for myself, so it was probably a gift?” I mused. 

“Who might have given it to you?” His voice was a near whisper. I stared at it for a long while. The swirling lines etched in the silver captured my focus, while my mind tried to recover something beyond my reach. I could feel myself searching in a familiar direction for a memory I should have possessed. In the end I still returned empty handed, unable to recall who had gifted this to me.

I shrugged, “Its quality silver and it looks really expensive so…whoever they were they must have cared about me a lot or had that kind of money to blow on a stranger.” I mentioned in a quiet somewhat defeated voice. 

“I’m sure they cared very much. You tend to have that effect on people.” Loki chuckled. He placed a kiss atop of my forehead. 

“One of the orderlies tried to take it away from me when I was first committed.” 

“How did that go?” Loki asked with a hearty laugh. 

“I bit her and threated to shove a defibrillator up her ass if she ever came near me again. She ended up needing seven stiches but after that no one else tried to take it off of me.” 

Loki smiled, “That’s my girl.” 

“Not that I could get it off anyway.” I mumbled, more to myself than to him. 

“Why is that?”

“It just doesn’t come off.” I answered nervously. _Yeah, because it fucking vanishes. Good luck keeping him around after seeing that voodoo shit._

“I believe with the right technique removing it is quite simple.” He said with a smirk. Instantaneous panic shot through me. I went to protest when I realized he’d already begun slipping the adornment from my wrist. To my disbelief it stayed nestled between his fingertips. _How the hell did you do that?!_ “That wasn’t difficult at all.” He stated through a broad smile. 

“Yeah…simple.” I stammered, completely dumbfounded as I watched Loki replace it around my wrist. 

_**“Just as an added deterrent, “He said as a small silver bangle appeared around my wrist, “I will know exactly where you are at all times.”** _

_**“Don’t put me on house arrest!“ I stammered angrily pulling it off. Once in my hands the little bangle vaporized reappearing around my wrist.** _

_**“Is this punishment for me hurling on you?” I asked storming towards him.** _

_**“If that is how you wish to see it. I am assuring your safety.” Loki said with a smirk.** _

_**“Then give me one for you so that I can find you whenever I need you.” I spat quickly.** _

_**“Not a chance.” Loki replied with a broader smile.** _

_**I continued to try to remove the bangle failing each time. “It can only be undone by my seiðr. So do not think that asking just anyone to remove it will do you any good.” Loki replied taking my wrist before slipping the bangle off. It didn’t vanish in his hands, remaining solid between his fingertips. “I will also know if you are in danger.” He added replacing it around my hand.** _

I stepped back from him while my heart thudding heavily in my chest. My head felt like I’d just jammed a fork into an outlet. Sharp pain throbbed through my skull and I leaned against the counter, trying my best to hide my discomfort so that Loki wouldn’t worry. “Ele?” Loki dissuaded. At first I was dazed and too out of it to make out when he’d said. When he slipped his hand around my waist in a comforting gesture, I managed to regain my bearings. 

“It’s nothing.” I said weakly. In truth I wasn’t sure what the hell that was, though I knew it was a lot of _something_. I decided to keep that to myself because I didn’t want Loki pestering me for the rest of the night. His lips came together in a frown, displeased with me for downplaying it. Thankfully he elected not to push me any farther. “Loki I swear its nothing.” I insisted. He reluctantly accepted my answer then reached into the cabinets to take down a pair of bowls. When he turned away I felt myself staring at him, watching him more closely that I ever did. It was an unconscious act, one that I only became aware of when I found him staring back at me with even more concern in his eyes. 

He was like the afterimage that developed from staring at a picture for too long, only it was seared into my mind and I couldn’t place where I’d seen the original. _I know you._ “Ele.” He called louder. This time I jumped, blinking out of reflex. He was closer than I last remembered, offering me my bowl of beans in his outreached hand. 

“No need to shout.” 

“I called your name three times and I have been standing right in front of you.” 

“See what I mean…crazy.” I chuckled, taking my bowl from him. 

“Stop saying that.” Loki admonished as he lead me to the living room. We sat down on the sofa and I stared into the darkness. Aside from the dim flickering light that shone from the few tea light candles Loki had scattered around us, it was too dark to see anything besides each other. “I don’t want to hear you call yourself crazy again. Do you understand me?” Loki asked gently. Even though I didn’t think that his request was one that I could honor, I nodded anyway. He turned my head to look at him, “Dove, I need you to swear to me.” 

“Ok I won’t. I promise.” I leaned against him and when I did, he tucked me under his arm to keep me close. 

“It takes strength to endure all that you have and still make it this far on your own. I’m very proud of you.” Words failed me and in response I could only lean into his embrace. Loki not only accepted the darkest part of me, but he believed it was somehow an accomplishment. Following that we are our meal in silence and each of us absorbed all that the other had said in our own way.

As the sun began to breech the horizon, I lazily dozed with my head in his lap. He whispered comforting things until I’d forgotten all about the tears I had shed. Among other things, Loki assured me that Kat would be ok and that we would go looking for her together once the sun came up. He also told me how much he looked forward to the day I remembered all the years I’d forgotten. Every now and again he’d smile as he spoke and I would smile right back at him. I enjoyed the soothing melody of his voice more than all of the things he said. 

For the first time in a very long time, I was at peace. I wasn’t worried about keeping my true self hidden out of fear or consumed in dread of the unknown. All that mattered to me was that Loki looked past the things I’d confessed and chosen to adore me anyway. I felt safe with him and I never knew just how liberating that feeling could be.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I felt like this needed to happen at some point so Ele could finally stop so much holding back. I promise the next chapter will be more fun. It won't be _fun fun_ but it might be _ha-ha fun_ for a little bit. I'm not good at hyping chapters. Whenever I do they turn out to be shitty so take everything I say with a dune of salt. Anyway, let me know what you think. Chapter 25 should be up soon!


	25. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and some **smut**

More than a week had passed and power still hadn’t been restored to our corner of town. Of course this _had_ to be the week a record-setting heat wave settled over the region. This weather had me questioning each and every one my life choices, the foremost being my horrible decision to move **here**. We hadn’t had a day this week where the temperature fell below 98 or when the humidity relented to anything less than 90%. The air didn’t even feel like air anymore, it was more of a dense fog that made each breath a struggle. 

We opened all the windows in the hopes that it would make being indoors more comfortable, however without a strong enough breeze it didn’t help. Out of desperation we sought refuge on the balcony, though we soon learned that this was even more unpleasant. Combining the misery of the ambient soupy air with the hot sun blazing overhead, it was worse than being inside. After the first day of this torture, we set out in search of another place to endure the daylight hours. By this I mean Loki stormed off on a desperate hunt for someplace cooler. 

At first we tried going to the beach to cool off in the waves but it was still closed after to the storm. _Just like I said it would be._ Loki didn’t like it when I gave him the “I told you so,” speech. Following that disappointment, we checked a few of the local pools. They were either overcrowded or absolutely disgusting. He wasn’t very keen on soaking in other people’s filth, not that I blamed him. I wasn’t very fond of the idea either. Then on a stroke of genius, Loki remembered a place nearby that he used to frequent. He took me to the park near my building that I still hadn’t gotten around to enjoying. After the night Kat tried to charge in there, I’d been a little too freaked out to return. 

We spread a blanket in the shadiest patch and for a few hours we enjoyed our little sanctuary. If we didn’t move it was actually pleasant. Then more people started to arrive. That wouldn’t have been a problem if Loki hadn’t almost gotten into a fight with some guy for watching me strip down to my bathing suite. Under normal circumstances Loki was a _tad_ protective. _Ok, **really** protective._ Heaven forbid I wear a bikini in the presence of other men. All that combined with an already cranky and miserable Loki was all it took to spark that powder keg. Our quiet assembly erupted in utter chaos when he and that tattooed muscle head started trading threats. 

Soon the other guy’s friends joined in and Loki continued to instigate. It was almost like Loki _wanted_ a fight because each time he opened his mouth something even more inflammatory always came out. At that point, I could see that he was about to get jumped and I knew that if I didn’t intervene, I’d get the honor of dressing his wounds after he got decked by this asshole. So before their arguing could escalate into violence, I gathered our things then hauled him off the premises. Once we were far enough away I gave Loki a colorful _verbal lashing_ ; one that I’m sure he’d remember for the rest of his life. 

By the end of the day, we’d spent most of our time roaming from place to place. Meanwhile Loki had tanned a few shades before he began to burn. I was surprised that it hadn’t happened sooner. I thought it was hilarious that his bad karma came back to bite him in the ass so quickly. Knowing that he suffered for his earlier stupidity kept me from staying mad at him for the rest of the day. Despite his discomfort, I couldn’t ignore how attractive his new golden hue was. He looked like a perfectly cooked biscuit, before he turned a painful looking red at least. When we finally returned home for the night, I took pity on him and rubbed his skin with aloe. It was the only amount of intimacy either of us could tolerate. For Loki it was more of a necessary evil than a welcomed gesture, judging by the way he winced every time that my hands would slide over the more sensitive areas. 

Since we had little to do besides wait for things to get better, I decided to try to stay as busy as possible. Every morning and evening when the sun was low on the horizon, we would trek to the animal shelter to see if anyone had found Kat. Each time that we visited I left in tears. There would be new arrivals, though none of them were my fluffy troublemaker. In between, we stayed at the only restaurant with power. They gave out ice water and ran a couple fans but with just two generators to work with, they could only do so much. I wasn’t about to complain though; it was far better than what we had at home.

Several days I left Loki here to go with a group of neighbors to check in on some of the elderly in our community. We’d bring them water, make sure that they didn’t require medical attention, and kept them company for a few hours. Helping them helped me keep my mind occupied because staving off idle thoughts was what I needed most. When I returned, I’d always find Loki jealously guarding his place in front of a fan. He wouldn’t move from that spot until it was time to return to the animal shelter. Even then, the desperate look in his eyes betrayed just how much he didn’t want to return to our cramped little heat box.

As the week trudged along, it became clear to me that Loki was having a really hard time coping with the weather. He was red in the face a lot and gulped down a concerning amount of water throughout the day. Whenever I could, I tried my best to comfort him. I dabbed damp cloths over his skin to help cool him down. Loki said it helped but I had a feeling he was just telling me that so I wouldn’t feel useless. Towards the end of the week we began to run low on water, at which point I couldn’t even provide this small gesture. There was nothing else I could do besides fan him at my own expense and sometimes it was even too hot for that.

Tonight the temperature was hovering in the high nineties. Now more than ever I was wishing that we had gone farther inland the way my mother suggested. For once her incessant worrying had been right, not that I’d ever tell her that. Even if I could afford a hotel, everything was booked to capacity or without power. I just hoped that the weather would brake soon because I knew Loki couldn’t handle much more of this. 

When we settled in bed for the night, neither of us had an easy time getting comfortable. He tossed and turned for well over an hour, sighing with mounting frustration as the night carried on. Just when I was about to go lay on the sofa, he managed to get comfortable enough to sleep. Once he stopped jostling the bed every four minutes, I was able to fall doze off too. Some time after that I shifted in my sleep and my foot slid into his territory. The sheets were much cooler over there and I was drawn to his side. Inch by inch, I scooted closer until my leg brushed against something frigid. The sharp cold woke me in a panic and I sat bolt upright as concern gripped my heart, “Loki?” 

His even breaths told me that he was still fast asleep, so I nudged him. When I touched his shoulder, he was as cold as ice. _What the hell?_ My other hand groped for the flashlight that I kept on the nightstand. When the light hit him, every inch of exposed flesh was stained a shocking shade of cerulean. “Loki?!” I shouted at him. His lids sprang open and the red of his eyes startled me. Scrambling backward I shrieked, half in fear and half because the way that I tumbled off the edge of the bed. 

After I hit the floor with a painful thud, Loki hurried over help me up. “Are you alright?” 

He tried to take my arm but in my panic, I crawled away from him until I found my back pressed against the wall. “Don’t touch me!” I fumbled with my flashlight and I managed to aim the dying beam back up at him. The blue that I’d seen just seconds ago had vanished, having been replaced by his pale yet alarmed expression. My brain short-circuited in disbelief. “ _No no no no_ …you were just blue! I—I saw it.” I stammered. 

“Ele, how could I be blue?” Loki asked. Again he attempted to help me off of the floor. 

“No don’t say that! I know what I saw Loki. You were fucking blue and—and you had red eyes. You were **freezing**! I’m not losing my mind!” I slapped his hand away.

“Ele, calm down. We are both overheating in here—“ 

“Loki don’t you dare try to blame that on the heat. I’m not fucking hallucinating! I know what I saw.” My voice came out as more of a squeak than the angry protest I’d aimed for. 

Instead of trying to convince me, he knelt down to my level. “That doesn’t change the fact that we need to get out of here.“

“And go where?” I whined. 

Loki never liked to entertain my bellyaching and this was no exception, “Get you’re pillow.”

I did as I was told and he gathered a blanket from the closet. I followed him out onto the balcony, where he spread the cover on the rough floor. Loki flopped his pillow at the head of it and I did the same. It wasn’t much cooler out here but the intermittent breeze made it feel less like a pressure cooker than the bedroom. Then I lay down beside him, fixing my pillow to try to get comfortable. _As comfortable as I can be while lying on a concrete slab._ When I looked at Loki, he seemed relieved with the change of setting. I wasn’t, I still struggled to forget what I’d just seen. _I know what I saw dammit._

I reached over and poked his face to see if his skin was still cold to the touch or if I could feel the lines that had decorated his brow. Loki patiently guided my hand away and held it at my side. “Ele, please go back to sleep?” 

“I know what I saw.” I repeated aloud this time. 

“Go back to sleep.” He commanded. The way he was trying to pretend that nothing had happened was upsetting, so I turned my back to him in frustration. A little while later, Loki draped his arm over my side. I wanted to shrug him off but he tightened his grip around my waist. Rather than putting up more of a fight, I begrudgingly allowed him to be my big spoon. As I dozed, I felt the air began to shift around us. It didn’t feel like the wind, it was something all together different. Soon I realized that I wasn’t sweating anymore. I was more comfortable than I had been all week. Maybe Loki was right about the heat screwing with my head because none of this made any sense. 

The next morning crept in while we rested and I woke with the sun in my face. I fidgeted in an attempt to shield my eyes in the shadow of the overhead balcony. Then I felt cool air wafting from inside the apartment. Still half unconscious, I reached into the living room and discovered cold air rushed out of the vent. “Loki wake up!” I exclaimed. At first he groaned in protest, so I shoved him again to get his attention. This time he looked up and pleaded with his eyes for me to let him sleep another few minutes. “The power is back on.” 

Instantly his demeanor brightened, “Thank the Norns.” Loki crawled over me and pulled himself inside. He collapsed right there on the carpet, face down on a vent with cool air fluttered through his hair. _And I’m the dramatic one._ Rather than give in to the temptation of the AC, I gathered our bedding to bring inside. All the while Loki remained sprawled on the floor. I lifted his foot out of the way with mine so that I could close the door. As much as I wanted to join him down there, my first priority was to close up the apartment to keep all this chilly goodness inside. 

“Get over here and help me with these windows please?” His only response was a mumbled, “Uh-huh.” I quickly grew tired of waiting for him, so meandered into the bedroom. The restaurant we had taken shelter in all week was going to throw out all the plywood they had used for their windows. With no further use for it, they gave it to me when I asked. I had taken it just for this occasion. With Loki still sleeping, I had no idea how I was going to do this by myself. _But I’m no quitter!_ So I struggled to heave the sheet of wood up to the window. When I managed to hold it up to the sill, I realized that I left the hammer on the dresser with the nails. Instead of giving up I reached for them with my foot, hoping that I might be able to grasp something with my toes. 

Then Loki sauntered into the room, “I told you I was coming to help.” He added, picking up the items on his way over. 

“You looked pretty damn comfy when I left you.” 

Loki started to tack in the nails around the edges. Once the board was secure, I stepped away and put out my hand to take my tools. Rather than handing me the hammer, Loki clasped my hand and pulled me against him. “Don’t! I’m gross.” I tried pushing him away. 

“You are always delectable.”

“Well you smell like armpits.”

“Where I come from that is a badge of masculinity—“

“Ew. In my house that means you need a shower.”

“Yet you still find me irresistible.” Loki laughed as he held me firmly against his body.

“No, I absolutely do not. You are very resistible right now.” I argued. Despite my struggling, he easily lifted me off of my feet. Just to get a rise out me he kissed my collarbone and I gave a halfhearted fight to break away. Against my best intentions, I _did_ finding this woefully unkempt version of him arousing. His scruff tickled my skin and instead of mild disgust, I felt a primal attraction awakening in me. The more I acknowledged the feeling the less I resisted. I found myself allowing my gaze slide over him with desire. _Snap out of it Ele._ I looked away to collect myself. It had been a while since Loki had had such an effect on me. I almost missed getting so sidetracked by him. 

“The sooner we finish this the sooner we can shower—“

“And the sooner I can fuck you right?”

“Wow that’s strong language.”

“I forgot that you only tolerate such obscenities from your lips. Allow me to amend my statement. I’m very eager to make love to you.” He told me as he scooped me up from behind. My rear pressed snuggly against his manhood and that pesky arousal began to happen again.

I snorted, “ _Making love_? That’s what you call it when you’re grunting and rutting on top of me like an animal?” 

“Maybe.” Loki whispered against the bend of my neck, though when I felt his mouth at the turn of my neck, I almost gave in right there. _Oh gods…_

Somehow I managed to stay in control of myself, “Stop trying to distract me. We have work to do.” I unraveled myself from his grasp and continued into the kitchen. 

“I wasn’t trying, I had succeeded.” To that I refused to respond. The sooner we finished, the sooner we could get to ‘unwind.’ When second I cracked open the fridge; the stench of spoiled food assaulted my senses. I violently covered my nose to keep from puking. We gathered up all the rotten food and while he took it down the street to one of the dumpsters, I washed everything out. Afterwards the silence began to set in. I wondered into the bedroom and decided to gather our laundry before a long awaited shower. 

My little apartment was the quietest it had been in a really long time. Normally I could always hear the jingle of Kat’s tags or the quiet patter of her paws when she crossed the kitchen floor. Without meaning to I found myself sitting on the bed, staring at her collar. It had found its way onto my dresser, where it taunted me day after day. I heard Loki come back inside. He stopped in the doorway when he saw me sitting there quietly. His eyes followed my line of sight and he quickly tucked it into the drawer. “Don’t do this to yourself.” I wanted to argue that I couldn’t help it but he beat me to it. “You are going to drive yourself mad worrying over something that is beyond your control. Believe you me; I know how difficult it can be. If you are meant to find her, you will.” I knew Loki was right. I just didn’t want him to be. Sooner or later I was going to have to accept the inevitable. 

Loki let me shower first and I never realized how much I could miss feeling clean. Birdbaths in the sink just weren’t as effective against sweat and grime. When he took his turn, I called the shelter to see if anyone had brought Kat to them. Like every other day, they said they hadn’t seen her and I tried to pretend that I wasn’t losing hope. Now that I had bummed myself out, I threw my mind into another chore to keep the sadness from winning. I had just finished changing the sheets when I noticed Loki taking out his shaving cream. For some reason I felt protective of that scruffy beard. Even if he didn’t keep it for very long, I liked this new look on him. He obliged when I asked him not to get rid of it. More than anything I think Loki was relieved that he didn’t have to put forth the extra effort.

Overall, this long awaited reprieve had greatly lifted his spirits. I hadn’t seen Loki with this much energy since before the storm. I on the other hand, wasn’t quite as energized. Call it a mixture of heat induced fatigue and melancholy. All I had the motivation to do was lounge around the house until it was time to get back to reality, when work came first and relaxation was my lowest priority. 

Later that day Loki was stretched out on the sofa, searching for something for us to watch while I fumbled around in the kitchen. Everything nearby that delivered to us was either closed or had suspended deliveries. I didn’t feel like going back out into the heat for anything, therefore I decided to make due with what we still had in the cabinets. In the corner I found a box of spaghetti noodles and a jar of sauce. This meal certainly wouldn’t be gourmet. _Call it vegetarian?_ Loki would not be too happy about the absence of meat. For that reason I looked forward to his reaction. Technically this would be the first time I’d served him a meal that I made myself. I already knew that I was a terrible cook so this was going to be an interesting experience.

After I left the noodles to boil, I ventured out to sit with Loki while he channel surfed. Once I’d gotten comfortable, I stole the remote from him again. “What are you cooking?” He asked me.

I shrugged, “It’s a surprise.”

“Will this surprise be edible or should I ready myself for a trek to the store?” He asked bluntly. 

I stared at him, holding back the snicker that threatened to escape. It wasn’t that I was deeply offended by his callousness, but just for being a smart ass I wanted to subject him to this disaster of a meal for revenge. “Yes it will be. I’ve never actually cooked for you before. This is my best dish and I really hope you’ll like it.” I said enthusiastically. My intention was to guilt him into eating it. Loki didn’t mind dashing my hopes and dreams from time to time however he did attempt to be supportive of me when he was in a good mood. Right now I could see that his eyes that he wanted to call my bluff. Instead Loki elected to play it on the safe side by not saying anything insensitive. 

For a little while I cuddled next to him and we squabbled over what to watch next. Everything I picked he hated for some reason. Then the loud sizzling in the kitchen interrupted our childish fun. The water started frothing over and I ran to turn off the burner. _You had one job. Boil water. And you still fucked it up. Dinner is going to be a real treat tonight._ I strained the noodles and poured the sauce over it. In my mind’s eye, I’d envisioned something a little more appetizing than this. Regardless, I put some on a plate for each of us and carried it to the living room.

For dramatic flare, I presented him his plate with a slight bow, “Dinner is served.” When his eyes landed on the steaming mountain of noodles, he glanced back at me.

“It looks like entrails—“

“Dammit Loki, Gordon Ramsey ain’t got shit on you. For your information it isn’t _entrails_ , its spaghetti.” _Why did I think you were going to be nice about this?_

He raised an eyebrow, “Are you certain of this?”

“Yes.” I spun some around my fork and offered it to him. He turned his nose up at it, refusing to let me feed him. “In case you can’t tell…I’m offended now.” I stated, hoping that that would break his resolve. Seemingly against his better judgment, he took some on his own fork. After half of a chew, he glared at me as though I’d personally wronged him. “It can’t be that bad.” Loki didn’t spit it out but he sure as hell wasn’t enjoying it either. I gave in to my curiosity and tried some for myself. The second it touched my tongue, my throat gagged in revulsion. I spit it out and wondered how on earth he had managed not to do the same.

“Are you punishing me?”

I laughed harder than I had in ages, “I thought we could try the gluten free noodles. Clearly that was a mistake.”

“ **Clearly**.”

“I tried, ok. We’ll get groceries first thing in the morning. Until then, we just have to split that can of lentil soup.” 

“It is all yours. I’ve lost my apatite. If you prepare the soup as well as you did this masterpiece, I fear for my life.” Loki mentioned

“That is so sweet. You should be grateful I put up with your nonsense.” I teased.

“I think you are the one that ought to show a bit of gratitude. You intentionally served me food you knew to be poisonous. Were we in Asgard, I could have you flogged for such an offense.” 

I scoffed, “Are you going to then? Try me, I dare you.” Loki caught me off guard and gathered my wrists in his hand. He shoved me onto my back, holding me there with my hands against my chest. It all happened so fast that I didn’t have the chance to resist him. I tried to sit up but Loki easily kept me subdued under his weight. 

In protest I gripped his waist with my thighs. My intention was to wrestle him to the floor, however I quickly learned that I wasn’t strong enough to move him. Loki stroked my cheek with his free hand, leisurely admiring the compromising position I’d just put myself in. “Are you done?” An amused smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. Too suborned to admit defeat, I pouted and hoped that he might give me my way. That only made his smile widen. Loki straddled my lower half so that I was pinned beneath him. Normally I hated the thought of being this helpless, yet with Loki that instinctive fear didn’t register. I was safest when I was with him, no questions asked.

Taking advantage of his position, Loki leaned lower to brush his lips against mine. That harmless gesture ignited a hunger that I had suppressed. When I allowed it break free it engulfed me in a desperate need that only he could sate. He kissed me until I was delirious with frustration. I couldn’t move and he wouldn’t allow me to match his passions. Loki ventured to the softness of my neck, tasting and marking me in passing. Soon I found myself struggling against him, trying to pull free of his grasp so that I could touch him too.

Loki finally released my hands in favor of spreading my legs apart. He tugged down my panties and cast them aside without any concern. It had been so long since I’d felt this untouched. I was already weak from just his lips, I needed to have him to take me and fill me however he pleased. His fingers ventured lower to test my readiness. In reaction a heady groan slipped out. Now I couldn’t stand to wait any longer and I bucked my hips against him. Loki laughed at my desperation but not before guiding his swollen manhood through my entrance. There was nothing between us when our bodies joined. Pure sensation robbed me of reason and I was along for the ride.

These two weeks of abstinence had been torture and my womanhood welcomed him warmly. When he started to thrust I fought to match his passion. That being said it didn’t surprise me when I heard a groan catch in his throat or when he pulled out and spilled his warm wetness on my belly. Still Loki kissed me like he couldn’t get enough and the thick shaft that brushed along my inner thigh proved he wasn’t finished with me yet. When Loki was inside me, I didn’t think about anything other than how much this man cared for me or how good it felt for our bodies to unite after being kept apart for this long. 

I looked up at him when my climax stampeded towards me. It was rough and fast, overtaking me in its euphoric bliss without abandon. Loki met my quivering blow for blow, forcing my to take every wave of pleasure without mercy. While I coasted off of that high, I tightened my legs around him and let Loki rest his head against my chest. Panting and spent, his body blanketed mine. Slowly our frantic passions waned into the afterglow. I was content to lie beneath him for the rest of the night. Loki never had to outright say that he liked it when I held him this way. His actions were loud enough to get the point across. Not so secretly I liked it too. 

At that moment it occurred to me that I was here for him as much as he was for me. After all the wars I had waged within myself over accepting Loki into my heart or allowing myself to open up to him, I never stopped to wonder what he had gotten out of all this. Which silent battles did he fight within his mind? Yes, Loki had told me about why he came here and shared pieces about his troublesome family life. That couldn't have everything. There had to be a far more complex story that he’d yet to share. It had shaped him as much as my past struggles had shaped me. 

The longer I had been with him the more his demons crept out of the shadows in my presence. I wanted him to know that he could trust me with his traumas as much as I trusted him with mine. Even if I was terrified of saying those three little words, I didn’t want him to doubt my affection for him. “You know everything there is to know about me Loki.” 

“Not everything.”

“Everything important. I’m really glad you found me, not just because I needed you. Now you don’t have to be alone like you were before.” Loki was taken aback; it was evident in the sudden vulnerable look in his expression. “You didn’t think I could see how lonely you used to be? It broke my heart every time you let it shine through. You’ll always have a place right here with me…even if do turn blue from time to time. Don’t think I forgot about that little gem.” I laughed, in half assed attempt to expelling some of the nervous energy that followed. 

Loki tightened his arms around me, “Not many people feel that way.” 

I kissed his temple, “That’s their loss babe.” Maybe one day soon I’d find the courage to profess what I’d what I’d known to be true for a while. In the mean time, I’d take pride in each tiny step forward. So long as Loki was there each step of the way, I knew that I would get there in the end.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I aim to have the next chapter up soon but there is a good chance it may be really extra very late. Let me know what you think or don't. :)


	26. Everybody Likes a Happy Ending

“Thanks for letting me know.” I ended the call and dropped my phone in my purse. All at once a wave of fear washed over me and I was on the verge of tears. This was becoming a recurring theme in my life; one wished I had the ability to put a stop to. Loki sensed my distress and lowered his stapler from the post. I felt his arm come around the small of my back, a tender gesture he often employed to comfort me or to coax me to spill the beans on something I would much rather keep to myself. The less I responded, the more persistent he became.

“Ele what’s wrong?”

It took a few attempts for me to find my voice, though when I did it was brittle and exposed just how close to my breaking point I’d finally come. “Christa is closing the store for good.” I managed to whisper. 

“Is it because of the damage from the storm? I was just over that way yesterday and I saw nothing serious enough to warrant such drastic measures. Surely she will reopen after the repairs are comple—“

“No, Loki you’re not listening. Christa isn’t reopening. She’s moving to a location that’s an hour away. Even if she had thought about keeping me on, _which she isn’t_ , I can’t get there everyday for work. My car is an unreliable piece of shit and I’d need three months rent to break my lease if I were going to even consider moving closer to the new store. I’m already a month behind as it is.” I couldn’t even stop the tears that began to spill down my cheeks. I went to sit on the bench and dropped my head in my hands. I hated crying in public but soon I was going to be living in it. _So I might as well get used to the humiliation now._

I felt Loki take the space beside me and he pulled me into his arms to stop my tears. “We can get through this—“

“Loki this isn’t a _we_ thing. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I was barely making ends meet before and now I’m out of a job. How am I going to have a place to live? I have bills and…” I was on the cusp of a full blown panic attack. It was so close that I felt my stomach churning with nausea. Loki lifted my chin so that my eyes met his. His expession was more serious than anything I’d ever seen on him. 

“This is a _we_ thing. You may not have wanted to accept my assistance before but this time I am not giving you an option. I will not allow you to go hungry or to live on the street, so you can protest all you like.” When he spoke to me his words were direct and left no room for disagreement. Even if I had tried to argue him, he was never going to let me win. _And neither would your current situation. Let’s be honest. You’re screwed._

“I can pay you back for—“

“Ele stop it. You do not need to repay me. For once just allow me to be useful to you.” His words set off another wave of despair. Officially everything in my life was falling apart and I was helpless to hold together the fractured pieces. I turned into his embrace and let myself cry it out because I couldn’t keep this much emotion bottled up. After a few minutes of this, I started to run out of tears to shed. Loki waited until that wave of sobbing started to wind down before he made a second suggestion. “There is another way. You may find this to be less objectionable.” For some reason he held his own set of reservation on this idea. 

I scoffed, disbelieving that he could offer up anything that my pride wouldn’t find unreasonable in some way or another. “Do tell.”

Loki still hesitated, taking his time to read my expression before finally changing his mind. “Disregard what I just said. It’s a horrible idea.”

“Tell me. It’s not like I have any other options Loki.”

“You aren’t going to like it. I would prefer to stay in your good graces today.”

“Just spit it out! You don’t know what I’ll like.” I rebutted sharply. However his knowing stare quickly called bullshit on that assertion. 

After some more stalling, he decided to tell me. “I could move in with you, then we could share the rent. You still have your job with with Kevin. I assume you could earn enough to pay close to half of your current expenses. If not I could easily make up the difference. It is not ideal, however it would afford you more time to sort this out. You wouldn’t be forced to do everything at once.” My stomach did another dramatic summersault and now I grappled with a terrifying free-falling sensation. I was just getting used to dating him. Living together was a **HUGE** step that I was not ready to take, especially not under the pressure of these circumstances. “It is one option to consider…one of many. My intention was not to take advantage of the situation.”

“I’d never think that Loki.” I answered quietly. _Yes you were Loki Laufeyson, you just didn’t get away with it. You’re a shameless opportunist if I ever saw one._ I looked away and tried to calm myself down. Obviously my reaction was to be taken as a resounding no, but it was unlike Loki to accept no for an answer. He would hold onto the smallest iota of hope then work away at my resolve to try to change my mind. As much as I would have liked to make him happy by saying yes, I knew that I would be asking far too much of myself. 

I dried my eyes and slowly started to unpack this new predicament. Wallowing in self-pity would not change anything, nor would fretting over my aversion to commitment. If I was going to survive this, I had to make rational decisions or I would find myself way worse off, _very_ soon. “I’ll call Kevin when I get home and see if he can give me more hours this week. I’ve got to start looking for another job.” 

“Do you think your chances of finding employment are good?”

I chuckled tersely, “I sure hope so. If not, I’m fucked aren’t I?”

“Ele, you know that isn’t what I meant. Whatever you decide to do, understand that I will support you’re decision and if you ever fall short I will soften the landing. _We_ can get through this.” Loki took my hand, and his fingers interlocked with mine. 

Surprisingly, I found myself smiling. In spite of everything that had just happened, Loki still managed to give me something to be happy about. “Alright. _We_ will see about that.” I conceded. Leaning against him, I allowed myself to draw strength from his composure. This had to be what people meant when they talked about someone being their rock. Now I was sure that Loki was mine. “And if that doesn’t work, I could always start stripping. I took a pole dancing class once, so I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have any trouble making a living that way.” I chuckled. It was meant to be a joke, although the longer it sat in my mind the more I considered it as a viable option. 

Loki turned me and his expression became a tad menacing, “Over my dead body.” _You should have known better than to say that to him._ He had almost started World War III over me wearing a bikini for no one in particular. Something told me he might actually burst into flames if I started giving strip teases for profit. 

“Well I hope it doesn’t come to that.” I left Loki on the bench to continue posting flyers for Kat. After papering every street for miles in either direction of my apartment building, we returned home and I promptly threw my work apron into the trash where it belonged. I’d imagined that feeling a lot more satisfying than it actually did. 

Later that evening, we were under a blanket on the sofa. All day Loki had been trying to cheer me up. He’d watched my favorite movies and even let me cuddle with him without complaint. This was especially significant because Loki never liked to do any of this. He preferred to read over watching movies and I could only ever count on getting a solid hour of cuddling in before he ‘needed space to breathe’ as he had put it so many times before. All of his attention was great but nothing was going to lift my spirits. One thing after another had chipped away at me until I was almost numb to anything but my disappointment. 

“Are you watching this?” Loki asked, gesturing to the screen. I shook my head but said nothing. “What will it take for me to see you smile?”

“There is nothing to smile about Loki.”

He kissed my temple and held me closer, “Would you like to do something else? ”

“I know you mean well. Really, I appreciate everything that you’ve done today but I think I’m just going to bed. You can stay or you can go home if your want.” Without another word, I crawled out of his embrace before heading back into the bedroom to bury myself under the covers. A while later I heard Loki standing in the doorway, watching over me in dismay. He wanted so badly to help but there was nothing for him to do to make things better. Soon he joined me in bed, offering physical comfort as his only consolation.

* * *

“They said they’d keep my resume on file, which is a nice way of saying no.” I sighed as I lead Loki away from the convenient store. I looked down at my list and crossed out yet another business that had told me in polite terms to fuck off. It had been a pretty short list from the start and I was quickly reaching the bottom. 

“You still have two more places to visit. One of them has to be looking for someone.” Loki assured me. 

There was a small part of me that didn’t quite believe Loki _really_ want me to find another job. I liked to think he wanted the best for me. He had never given me the impression that he would wish me misfortune, even if that outcome would better serve his interests. Though Loki had been itching to move in for a while now and I felt like this whole situation was just the excuse he had been waiting for. Rather than dignifying this suspicion, I tried as best as I could to put that thought out of mind. _You’re just being paranoid._

Over the last few days, I’d gradually resigned to letting him stay with me if I was unable to replace the lost income before the end of this week. Simply put, I couldn’t afford to wait any longer. This unofficial deadline was never something I disclosed to him, however he was smart enough to piece it all together for himself. Loki shoved his hands in his pockets and dutifully followed me onward to the next business on my list. He was a trooper today. We’d been going from store to store since early this morning and thus far, I hadn’t heard a single complaint out of him. _Which is impressive because he is such diva when it comes to prolonged outings._

The next stop was another coffee shop. _I know. How wonderful?_ This place had been Christa’s main competitor for years. In a sick twist of loyalty, I’d never come here the whole time that I’d worked for her. When we reached the end of the building, Loki offered to take my things the way he had done at each of the other stores. I handed him my purse and stole one last sip of my drink. “I don’t look sweaty do I?” 

“No. You’re as beautiful as ever.” Loki admired, giving me an encouraging smile. I shook my head in disagreement to which he quickly shot back a warning glare that told me not to argue with him. I channeled my inner pitch person and went inside to sell myself. Clutching my portfolio, I took my place in line behind a few waiting customers. When the person ahead of me stepped aside, my blood ran cold the second I recognized the cashier. _Ryle!? How the hell did you beat me to this place?_ I turned on the spot and walked right back out the store. No matter how much I needed the money, I refused to put myself through any more of his bullshit. 

I stormed past Loki in my rampage. “What happened? How could they have said no to you that quickly?” Loki asked, widened his gate to keep pace with me. 

“I didn’t even get to ask them if they were hiring. I can’t work there.” I said angrily. 

“Why not?”

“Fucking Ryle works there. Last I heard he was half dead from that freak accident. I know that it shouldn’t matter. Everything that happened should in the past but I can’t knowingly put myself into an already hostile situation—“

“Nor would I allow you to.” Loki said with an amused chuckle, as if the thought of me having a choice in the first place was down right comical. 

“Loki don’t act like you were going to have any say in—“

“The hell I don’t. You are not going to work alongside a man who forced himself on you. I _will_ not allow him another chance to harm you. I don’t care if I have kill him myself this time.” Loki hissed. 

“Loki, give it a rest. You’re not killing anyone. It’s done. I refuse to let him fuck me over again.” I snatched my cup from him, only to hear ice shaking around at the bottom. “And you drank it all?”

“I got thirsty.” 

Grumbling in frustration, I flipped open my portfolio again to cross off the coffee shop. That left one place at the very bottom of my list. **Newman Performing Arts Center** Months back I’d seen advertisements for some openings in their professional staff. I never had the chance to inquire because I’d been working so many hours at Christa’s. Before I knew it a few weeks had passed and I was sure that they’d filled all those spots so I didn’t even bother to go over there. This was my absolute last hope before Loki officially got added to my lease. The theatre was a good fifteen-minute walk from here. When we finally came to the entrance, Loki took my things then gave me a quick kiss for good luck.

* * *

Had I known that I would have this much idle time, I would have brought another book to occupy myself. With nothing better to do, I observing the people around me as they meandered along the walkway or dined at the nearby tables. It was dull and my patience was already worn thin after a day of numerous job inquiries. The collective tittering of the women two tables over reminded me to be grateful of Ele’s limited social circle. _She has no female friends to be this irritating with._ If it weren’t for the comfortable shade and the endless supply of ice water, I would have left this cafe a long time ago. 

Ele had been in the Arts Center longer than any of the other places we had visited. I only hoped that that was to be taken as a good sign. Then my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was still such a foreign sensation to me. 

**The sale manager was so impressed with my resume that he did an interview on the spot! The general manager was in a meeting but as soon as they’re finished with that they might do the final one today too!**

I smiled to myself. In my head I heard her voice alight with jubilation. 

**I wish you all the best.**

Ele quickly replied with a kissy face. While I was preparing to send my response, I heard a woman frantically shouting farther down the block. “Sophie, get back here! Somebody grab her.” I glanced up to see what chaos was coming my way. She was chasing after a wily husky, one who was intent on escaping its master. From this distance I recognized the animal. Those distinctive mismatched eyes were hard to miss. A man joined her in pursuit of the dog and together they grabbed at the leash that dragged along the sidewalk. I could tell by Kat’s calculating stare that she was poised to bolt across the busy street. That would certainly be a fatal mistake. 

I straightened in my chair and whistled loud enough to catch her attention. Kat’s head turned in my direction at the sharp sound and she eagerly pranced over to me. “Do you have any idea what you put Ele through? Or what she’s put _me_ through because of you?” I asked her, giving her a scratch behind the ears. In lieu of a verbal response, Kat pawed her way into my lap to greet me amicably. She leaned against my hand, matching my gesture with a few licks up my arm. Then when Kat caught Ele’s scent on my shirt, she whined in distress. “I understand. She misses you too.” I stated quietly. 

The out of breath couple quickly came over to me and hurried to pull Kat off of my lap. “Thank you so much. I am really sorry about Sophie. We’re still working on leash training with her.” The man laughed. The blonde next to him tugged harder on the lead. At first Kat resisted then she elected to crawl underneath my chair for security. 

“Its no trouble at all.” I knelt down to coax her out of cowering. “Come here you silly waffle.” Kat’s ears perked at my use of term. Ele called her that nearly as much as her given name. At the very least I hoped it would earn me some cooperation. The couple gave me a peculiar look but I paid them no mind. Their perceptions were the least of my concern. I was focused on how I was going to get them to hand her over with as little conflict as possible. While diplomacy was my goal, I was not opposed to violence should they be uncooperative. I was not going to allow them to walk off with Ele’s dog again, not after everything that I had endured as a consequence of their thievery. Finally Kat crept from under the seat, still watching them with a mistrustful eye. I pet her once more to reassure her. 

“Sophie is learning of being polite when she meets new people. She’s a sweet dog but boy is she strong willed.” The woman enthused, tugging on the lead again to try to bring Kat back towards the pair of them. 

“I hear that is the nature of the breed. Their temperament depends on how you raise them and their personality is as much of a factor. How long have you had her?” I asked, allowing them to bring Kat closer to them. 

“We just adopted her from a breeder two month ago.” The man proudly stated. Instantly my gaze locked with his. Kat had only been missing from our home for three weeks. The only reason he would have to lie is if he knew that Kat he had come to them some other way. Patiently, I continued to work out how I would get her away from this couple without drawing too much attention. I could easily overpower them, however that was not likely to go unnoticed. Were I in Asgard the process would have been much simpler. If I saw someone with my property, it was within my rights to reclaim it without threat of prosecution. 

Once again, Kat became uneasy and she tried to hide behind me. “She really seems to like you.” The woman mentioned.

I laughed, “That is surprising.” 

“Well…we won’t take any more of your time. Say bye-bye Sophie. Sorry we interrupted you.” The woman said as they were turned to leave. I shifted so that I blocked their path. 

“You say you adopted her from a breeder two months ago?” 

The man tried to conceal the falter in his expression. That small misstep confirmed everything that I had suspected. “Yes. A friend of mine sells puppies—“

“I’m going to be lenient and give you the opportunity to correct what must be a gross misunderstanding. You came by this animal three weeks ago and did what any charitable person would do, by taking in a lost pet. You saw the flyers this morning, you arranged to meet me here and you safely return her to me. That is how this is going to end.”

“I think you have the wrong dog. We bought her and have the paperwork to prove it. Sophie is ours.” The woman asserted, with the confidence of someone who genuinely believed what they said. I never took my attention from the man that stood before me. This falsehood was the story that he had shared with her. Even after he’d been caught in a lie, he was still unwilling to confess the truth. The man squared his shoulders to face me head on and I smiled wickedly. His posturing was more amusing than threatening. 

“I am not the one you want to have as an adversary and you certainly don’t want to prolong this until my wife arrives. I’ve seen better men than you weep at her feet. She will destroy you and I won’t do a thing to stop her.”

The woman quickly became defensive, inserting herself between the two of us in an attempt to deescalate the situation. “We bought this dog from a breeder. She is our property so don’t you for one second think you’re going to take my dog from me—“ 

“I have watched my wife cry for weeks because you took it upon yourselves to abduct her animal. She has raised this creature since it was a pup. I don’t care how you came by her. While you still have **some** my patience, relinquish her. You graciously took care for my wife’s pet during the storm and for that I thank you. However, your services are no longer required. Give me the dog or you will regret it.” Under normal circumstances I could strike fear into the common man without effort. I could tell by their shrinking demeanors that they were not immune to my intimidation.

“Is that a threat?” he challenged, stepping closer to me. 

“I don’t make threats. I make promises.“ 

She tightened her grip on Kat’s leash, “You’re not taking Sophie anywhere.”

For the first time in our discussion, I turned my gaze to her, “I will address you if I wish to have your input. Until then, I expect you to hold your tongue.” I admonished. 

“Don’t talk to my wife like—“ 

“My disrespect of your wife ought to be the least of your concerns.” I reached for the leash that the she still held tightly in her fist. Her husband attempted to shove me away from them. Compared to myself, he was weak and his aggression wasn’t even enough to push me off balance. He didn’t know that he was challenging a god or that this was one fight he could not hope to reign victorious. Without difficulty I took the leash from her hand. 

Now his wife became hysterical, “You can’t do this—“

“Silence her or I will.“

“Or you’ll what?” He challenged. 

“I’m calling the police.” She interjected. 

I offered her my phone, “Would you like to use mine? Your husband stole from me. I have not committed a crime.” 

Her husband knocked my phone out of my hand and from the sound alone I was certain the screen had shattered. _Now I’m angry._ I felt my fist close until my knuckles burned white. The fragments of my seidr that I still possessed began to react in agitation. The husband glared at me as though he wanted to call my bluff. I never took my eyes from his, daring him to test me. With as much pent up frustration as I’d accumulated, I was itching to slaughter him. I never had Thor’s temper, yet whenever my rage reached this level the arena was the safest place for me.

“Don’t you dare put your hands on him!” She spat venomously. 

“I won’t touch your husband, not until I make him kill you, slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear and then he’ll wake just long enough to see his good work and when he screams, I’ll split his skull. This is my bargain you mewling quim.”

She flinched and fear illuminated her eyes. I was prepared to honor every word of that promise until I heard Ele’s voice in my mind, begging for me to not slay these pathetic mortals where they stood. Killing them would not bode well for either of us. It would only serve to garner unwanted attention and require us relocate by the end of the night. She would never forgive me for something so careless. Not to mention months of earning her trust would be lost to one impulsive act. Reaching down, I unfastened the leash from Kat’s collar and threw it against the husband’s chest, “Help your wife find her way home.” 

The muscle in his jaw clenched. Apparently I’d struck a nerve. Out of habit I produced a dagger in my hand, ready to lodge it between his ribs the moment he lunged at me. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the glint of my blade and hastened to make his retreat. A smirk curled my lip at his sudden realization. I strengthened my influence over Kat to ensure her obedience. Clearly he lacked a similar control over his wife, considering the way she continued put up a fight. She may have been strong willed like my Ele, but it was clear she possessed less than half of her wit. In the face of a threat such as myself, Ele would have had the good sense to retreat rather than continue to instigate hostilities.

It was only after they’d put sufficient distance between us that I conceal my dagger. Once they were safely across the street, I cast my eyes downward to look over my prize. “You are far more trouble than you are worth.” Kat merely looked up at me; mouth agape while panting in the heat. With the mongrel in toe, I saunter back to my table. After some time had passed, I inspected the damage to my phone. Ele had warned me about not having a case and now I understood why. Much to my irritation, she took great pride in telling me how right she had been whenever I chose not to heed her advice. However, I had a good feeling Ele would be willing to overlook that after she saw that I’d found Kat.

With great difficulty I composed a message to informing Ele of my current whereabouts, though I made no mention of Kat. Ele needed all of her focus for this interview. Bringing up such a tender subject would only serve to distract her. I hoped that all was going well. Remaining independent meant everything to Ele. For as long as I was able, I would allow her that dignity. Regardless of her memories or her pride, she was still my wife I could not allow her to end up on the streets alongside me. I would do anything to prevent that, even if my doing so went against her wishes. My thoughts were interrupted when I felt her animal shifting at my feet. Kat stretched out with her belly against the cool ground then laid her head across my ankles. 

Ele had a habit of subjecting creatures of the snow to this hellish climate. I imagined that that thick coat made an already unbearable condition all the more unpleasant. It would be a shame if after all the trouble I just went through to get Kat, she perished while under my supervision. For the second time today, I found myself offering this beast a gesture of kindness. I placed my glass of ice water on the ground for her and she noisily slurped it down. Maybe this sympathy spawned from my own experience with the heat. Suppressing my Jotunn nature for more than a week had nearly killed me and even then it hadn’t been able without incident. As soon as the opportunity presented itself, I vowed to persuade Ele to move someplace farther north. 

Kat lapped up the water then looked at me, licking her lips as if to ask for more. I rolled my eyes and called over one of the waitresses to order another water for each of us. Before I could take the sweating glass from the server, Kat climbed into my lap and licked the condensation that dripped off the bottom. “I will give you back to those people you insufferable creature.” The waitress gave me a peculiar look and I offered what I hoped was a polite smile. Sensing my displeasure, Kat sat at my feet and waited for me to place her water on the ground.

* * *

My phone buzzed in my pocket as I stepped out of the lobby.

**Meet me around the corner at the Maria’s Bistro**

I contained my excitement and hurried over to find Loki so I could share the good news. Things were finally starting to look up. I’d been offered the job and all I wanted to do was tell Loki because I knew he’d be just as happy for me. First thing I was going to do was order some celebratory drinks. After the last few weeks that I’d had, I desperately needed a stiff one. 

I rounded the corner and found Loki seated in the busy dinning area. His back was to me so he hadn’t seen me yet. When I got closer, I saw something fluffy twitching at his feet. My heart skipped a beat the instant I made out the grey tail swishing back and forth. _I’d recognize that tail anywhere._ “Kat!” I called over the noise of the people, uncaring of how insane I must have looked to everyone around me. Her head perked up and she found my in the sea of faces. Before Loki had the chance to locate me, Kat dashed through the tables to greet me. I dropped to my knees to embrace her with open arms. Kat happily licked my cheeks and before I knew it I was crying tears of joy. 

“Why did you run off you silly waffle? I missed you so much.” She barked, answering with her own rebuttal. Then I felt Loki standing beside to me. Before he could say anything, I threw my arms around him to hug him as tightly as I could. “Thank you.” 

“You know I would do anything for you.” Loki whispered, giving me a quick kiss. 

He wiped away the last of my tears and another happy giggle slipped free when Kat pawed her way up my side. “How did you find her? Where was she?” I stammered. Too many questions came to mind at one time for me to get them all out right away. 

“Kat recognized me and had to come say hi. This lovely couple took her in and cared for her while they searched for her owner.” Loki stated.

I looked at each of them, too thrilled to do anything more than that. “So you’ve been hanging out with Loki? I thought you didn’t get along with him.” 

“I was just as surprised as you are.” He added.

“Thank you for bringing her back to me.” I looked at him, wearing one of the biggest smiles I’d had in ages. Loki nodded then led me to our table. Along the way, I noticed how Kat followed beside us. Normally, I’d be chasing her away of other people’s plates by now. Instead of stealing table food, she was obediently taking shelter next to our feet. “We don’t have a leash?” 

Loki shook his head, taking a drink from his glass. “The couple who found her had more urgent need of it. We should be ok without one.” I didn’t ask what he meant by that so I let him continue. “How did your interview go?”

“I got the job! I can’t believe I almost forgot to tell you!” I exclaimed. 

“That’s wonderful. What will you be doing?”

“Sales department manager. I didn’t even tell you the best part. I don’t have to work random hours anymore. My evenings and weekends are mine again and their starting salary is **double** what Christa was paying me. Loki do you know what this means?” He shook his head, waiting for me to spell it out for him. “It means I won’t even have to work two jobs anymore!“ 

Loki took my hand, “This is wonderful news. I’m happy for you. After everything that you’ve been through, you deserved something good for once.” 

“I know. I’m just so happy right now it doesn’t feel real.” 

“You have earned it. This is cause for celebration.” Again I found myself beaming. 

“I’ll say. Champaign and fireworks are in order.”

“Champaign I can do.” 

“Loki…I’m going to be their sales manager.” I whispered excitedly. 

“You have always been commanding.”

“Oh ha-ha.” I rolled my eyes at that last comment. 

“Things are beginning to turn around my dear. The fates may allow us to be happy after all.” He stated. 

“I’ve always been happy where you’re concerned.” I replied without hesitation. Loki liked that answer not that he had been expecting it. We ate a late lunch then heading home. As soon as we came through the door, Kat dashed inside to roll around on the carpet before sniffing out her favorite chew toy. She liked to hide it behind the sofa and would only tuck it back there once she thought neither of us was watching. Things had returned to normal for me. _Better than normal actually._ I had my little girl back, I was due to start my new job next week and I had the sweetest boyfriend any woman could ask for. If only for today, I had it all. 

We were just given a new beginning, a beginning that I hoped we would start together. For the first time, I allowed myself to wonder what it would be like to live with him the way Loki had suggested. I didn’t want that next step in our relationship to be one of necessity. It needed to be one of choice. Even if it didn’t happen anytime soon, I was warming the idea. I bravely went a bit farther with my imaginings and thought about what it would be like for us to get a place of our own. For me at least, there was a drastic difference between allowing Loki to move into my apartment and the two of us finding a place of our own. It would be an even more significant turning point in our relationship, one that I no longer dreaded but one I looked forward to with a healthy reverence. 

Later that night we were getting settled in bed. Loki emptied his current stash of books from his satchel. He always piled them on his nightstand before we lay down at night. There was a stack for the books he had finished and then another made up of the books he was still working through. I crawled behind him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. 

“We’re getting low tonight.” I whispered against the side of his neck.

“Yes, we are. I suspect I shall make a trip to the library tomorrow.”

I kissed his neck, “Do you ever read fiction? Something with a happy ending?” 

“I try not to—“

“Why not?”

“Why immerse myself in brilliant fantasies, just so that I can be disappointed that it is not reality. How is that entertaining?”

“I guess I never thought about it that way. Don’t you like to get lost in your imagination? Everyone has daydreams they go to when they’re bored or…for a million other reasons.”

“Sometimes. Everyone likes to dream.” He conceded.

I kissed his jaw, then lay beside him so that my head could rest in his lap. “Well do your dreams have happy endings?”

“Yes. Every dream I have of you has a happy ending.” His flattery wasn’t lost on me. I smiled, touching his cheek affectionately.

“Tell me about one of them?” 

Loki briefly paused in thought, “You would be my queen in title and in practice. Every morning I wake you with a thousand kisses and I’d happily devour you for breakfast—“ 

He leaned closer to peppering my throat with soft pecks until I squirmed with laughter. “I’m sure you would.” 

“You would want for nothing and you would fear even less. When you looked into the night sky, I’d cease your favorite star and cut a gem from it to set within a necklace to match your bangle.“ Loki stroked my hair and I stared up at him while he spoke. For someone who seemed to dislike fantasy, he sure had a great imagination. “I would teach you magic and you would become the most skilled sorceresses of the Midgardian race. One day you may even rival me.“

I found myself playing with his fingers, idly pressing my hand against his for comparison. Loki’s digits were long and elegant, seeming to outstretch mine by a mile. It wasn’t often I felt petit, except for moments like these. “You can do magic?”

“Yes…well not as much now. I used to practice the art before I came here.” Loki allowed our palms to touch and when he did I felt something strange start to happen. His energy poured into me the way water flows through a sieve, sending my stomach tumbling in surprise. Instead of being afraid, I was intrigued. Loki wove his fingers through mine and I found comfort in his energy moving through me. It found its way into ever nook and crevice until I felt it soaking into the recesses of my mind, unlocking barriers like latches on a prison cell. A mixture of excitement and relief started to swell in my chest the moment something caged began to crawl free. 

**“I can feel your magic. Can you feel mine? Is it different than before?” I asked.**

**Loki nodded, “It’s heightened but it will subside and will return to your usual range of perception. You can however strengthen this sense in the same way you would a muscle, learning and growing until this is what you experience regularly.” Loki answered kissing my shoulder.**

Abruptly those warm fuzzy feelings turned to something sinister. My blood ran cold with inescapable fear. I tried snatching my hand out of his but Loki’s grasp was too firm. The anxiety started in my toes building higher and more terrifying as it rose through me. I went to beg him to stop however my words refused to leave my throat.

**I could feel the smile on Loki’s face against my cheek but I didn’t stop to celebrate. I focused harder to match his probing touch. My attempts were sporadic, if not twitchy at first but I think I surprised him as much as I surprised myself with how quickly I mastered this small gesture. It wasn’t much but it meant a lot to me. Loki kissed the side of my neck as he brought my hands together pressing his palms against the backs of mine. “Sustain this.” Loki instructed. He demonstrated the steady flow with his energy, waiting for me to carefully mimic the act. It was difficult but I tried and I kept the focus on pushing and extending my control over the forces that bent around me.**

**I felt him creating something between my hands. The bending and shifting of his magic around my own felt warm, not to the touch but the incantation itself was warm in a non-tactile way. Then Loki eased his grasp on my hands and I no longer felt his energies arching around mine. Gradually he pulled back until his magic all together retreated. I didn’t understand why he’d asked me to sustain this effort until Loki parted my hands like the covers of a book, revealing a little green snake, coiled in the cave of my palms. Its forked tongue flicked out while it stretched itself out sliding its cool scaled belly across my hand. It coiled up my thumb then slithered back down into to my cupped hands.**

**I smiled from ear to ear watching as Loki let the little creature explore across his fingers. It always returned to my hands after it’s explorations. “Are you going to tell me how you’re doing this?” I asked. The snake tickled when it circled its body and I pet the top of its head with my finger.**

**“How I’m doing this? This is yours dove. Created by me yes, but you’re keeping him alive—“**

**“Its a him?” I giggled.**

**“Yes, its a him. “Loki answered and I could hear the pride in his voice. _You’re doing magic!_**

Loki released my hand and I frantically crawled away from him. Before I could pull myself very far, I blacked out. I wasn’t unconscious for more than a few seconds and when I came to, I was in his arms. My headache was the worse it had ever been. Then I felt something warm tickling the side of my neck. Instinctively my hand reached to inspect it and I pulled it back only to discover the bright smear of blood. I didn’t even have time to freak out about what he’d just done to me before I started to feel drowsy. When Loki spoke to me, his voice sounded far away like it was echoing down a long corridor. “Ele, don’t go sleep.” He sat me upright in his lap and I did my best to listen to him regardless of how sedated I felt right now.

I looked up at him as the sharp pain in my head ebbed with the beating of my heart. It didn’t bother me that I knew Loki was telling the truth about his magic, as it should have. It didn’t bother me that I knew _I had_ done it before too. I accepted it the way one accepts the sun setting in the evening. The only thing I had the strength to do was to lie in his embrace while he cleaned away the blood that still pooled in the shell of my ear. “You’re going to be ok.” Loki whispered calmly. I swallowed hard and searched for my voice but the task proved to be too difficult. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” _I know you didn’t. Don’t be so sad._ Despite my inability to speak, I couldn’t stand the tortured look his eyes. I touched his cheek and tried to give him a reassuring smile. Loki covered my hand with his, accepting my silent forgiveness. 

He kept watch over me long into the night and it was even longer after that that he allowed me to actually fall asleep. Loki stroked my hair and whispered sweet nothings while my mind recovered from this latest episode. Instead of listening to all his comforting words, I was beginning to think these hallucinations weren’t hallucinations at all. Perhaps they were memories that I had forgotten. For the first time, I remembered seeing somebody there with me. I often recalled feeling someone’s presence but I never knew _**who’s**_ it was. Loki had been with me tonight. I heard his voice and felt his skin against mine. My gut instinct believed that he had been in every one of my other visions too. 

If my speculations were correct, it would mean that Loki had known me before. The more I grappled with this possibility, the sleepier I got. Soon my questions began to get swept away by my drowsiness. _We knew each other before…_

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked this chapter because I had a blast writing it. We are moving into phase two of this story. Yes, Ele needing her memories back is still the elephant in the room but some other interesting things are on the horizon. I just needed to tidy up some of those loose ends first. Let me know what you think and the next chapter should be up soonish.


	27. Dangerously in Love

When I woke Loki was lying next to me and from the looks of it, he was deep in thought. That or he had found something fascinating on the ceiling that I had missed in all the time I’d lived here. Though if I knew Loki, he probably hadn’t slept at all. I’d noticed that he was prone to having at least one sleepless night in any given week. If my count was correct, this marked the third night of the last four night where he hadn’t rested for more than a couple hours. 

He could have gone to read in the living room and left me here in bed. On many occasions I’d tried to tell him this however, Loki never wanted me to wake up alone. He insisted that his face needed to be first thing I saw woke each morning. _Little does he know, his face was the only one I ever see in my dreams._ It wasn’t unusual for me to dream of him, though I’d never dreamt of him as much as I had these last few nights. I didn’t mind of course. I would never protest to having a little extra Loki on the brain. It often led to great morning sex, which I was always a huge fan of. Still, it was something that hadn’t escaped my notice.

The moment I shifted to stretch my stiff muscles, Loki glanced over at me and a warm smile widened across his face. “Good morning gorgeous.” 

“Don’t bullshit me Loki. I know I look a hot mess right now.” When I turned onto my back to yawn, Loki propped himself up on his elbow to admire from above. His arm slipped over my front to draw me closer so that my body pressed flush against his. 

“And even then you are stunning.” To that all I could do was smile and bask in the warmth of his attention. It wasn’t just the sweet things Loki said, it was the way that he looked at me whilst he said them. Those looks never failed to make my heart melt. His eyes had always emoted such intense affection and I couldn’t remember a time where he hadn’t looked at me this way. Before Loki came along, I’d never felt so desired in my entire life. At any given moment, I knew without question that I was the center of his world. _And he was the center of mine._

I wondered if I ever looked at him this way. Did my face light with a similar adoration each time my eyes met his? Did he know just how much I enjoyed having him by my side me day in and day out? _This **is** what love feels like._ I had imagined that that realization would’ve been startling, except it wasn’t at all. I was just accepting something I’d known to be true for a long time. In a strange way, this reminded me of the other night when I’d recognized Loki as someone I had known before. In retrospect, I could finally see that I had recognized him from the first time I'd laid eyes on him.

With this in mind I toured through all of our firsts, finding clues that had there from the get go. When we met, Loki had initially made me extremely uncomfortable. He exuded a brand power and strength that no average man possessed. Despite the repellant nature of his aura, I was drawn to him for this very reason. I didn’t inherently fear _him_. What I feared most was the fact that I was drawn to him regardless of the perceived danger. Back then fear was the only logical reaction to such a powerful attraction. Now I wondered if what I had truly feared was the way that my gut recognized him when I shouldn't have.

On our first date I fixed his tie and I remembered it feeling so natural to care for him the way that lovers so often do. The intimacy that we shared now as a couple had been second nature to me from the start. I’d fought it every step of the way for one reason or another, until I finally decided that I couldn’t resist it anymore. 

It became obvious to me was that my feelings were never derived in the moment; they were awakened out of dormancy. Nothing proved this more than the first time we made love. When Loki took me that night, my body welcomed his without hesitation. We came together in what felt like well-practiced synchronicity. It didn’t feel like we were joining for the first time, it felt more like the first time after a long time apart. I didn’t understand any of this then and regrettably I wasn’t any closer to understanding it now. The only thing that I was sure of was that I loved him and I didn’t care if was for the first time or not.

The longer I contemplated all this, the more confident I was that Loki and I had been together before. I couldn’t rationalize this bizarre belief, yet if there was any truth to this, I wondered why Loki pretended not to know me this whole time. What could he possibly know that he wasn’t sharing with me? How had we found each other in the first place? Where the hell was Asgard and why did that sound so damn familiar? 

Loki must have seen these thoughts clouding my mind and decided to intervene with a playful distraction. His hands slid over my belly, skimming higher until his fingers tickled my ribs and I squirmed in his embrace. “Don’t!” I begged in between fits of girlish giggling. He took my thrashing as his cue to go in for a targeted assault on my ribs. I all but screamed with laughter, wriggling desperately to escape him even though he had me out maneuvered. Before I could catch my breath to beg him for mercy Loki pressed his lips to mine, robbing me of what little wind I had left. Soon that playful energy simmered into sensuality. He kissed me and all my dangerously inquisitive thoughts faded away. 

Loki drew my leg over his hip so that our bodies aligned and his hand roamed from the bend of my knee up to the curve of my ass, giving it a delightfully rough squeeze. At the other side of the bedroom door, Kat scratched at the knob until turned far enough for her to nudge the door open. Loki pulled away, watching as Kat casually prance inside. I wasn’t sure what he might do to her, though from the look in his eyes he was definitely thinking of something along the lines of taxidermy. She had a knack for being a brat and thus far Loki had been _super_ intolerant of this sort of behavior. 

To add insult to injury, Kat leapt onto the bed near my feet wearing that expression that could easily be mistaken for a grin. The two of them shared a tense exchange before her tail started to sway happily. “Get down.” Loki commanded. Wholly ignorant of the ire that she was provoking, Kat whined in what seemed like a poor attempt at convincing him into letting her stay. “No one called for you. Out. Now!” Rather than obeying Loki, Kat flopped onto the bed beside me, only to look up at him with sad eyes. I laughed and pet her when she rested her chin on my hip. I’d used that look on Loki a few times myself, with mixed results. There were times when I managed to get away with my crime and others where he exacted his revenge in one-way or another. 

On a wave of bravery, I decided to side with Kat just to see what would happen. “Can’t she stay for a minute Loki? Then I promise she will be out for good.” I pleaded, giving him my own puppy-dog eyes.

“What is to prevent her from thinking she can do as she pleases from this moment forth?” Loki asked. Now he looked frustrated that I had allowed myself to be persuaded by her. 

“It’ll be my fault if I don’t keep her in line. I promised you that I’d keep her out of the bedroom and I have to keep my word. Thank you for finding her for me.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek and hoped that it would soften the murderous look his eyes. 

His frown grew kinder, letting me know that I had been somewhat successful. “I couldn’t stand to see you so unhappy.” Loki finally admitted. He stroked my cheek and effortlessly drew me back in without another word. 

Rather than allowing myself to fall prey to his charm and seduction, I deflected once again. “Kat did you thank Loki for bringing you home?” I asked her. Her ears perked up and she looked at me with the gleam of understanding in those mismatched eyes. “Go give Loki some kisses.” I told her. 

“Keep your bitch away from me.” He commanded sternly. 

Simply because he was being so serious, I wanted to contradict him. My lips curled into a slow smile, “Get him Kat.” She stepped over me and started licking him wherever she could before he could turn out of her way. Loki managed to get a firm hold on her collar to hold her at an arms distance but not before she’d licked his face a couple times. 

“Alright, that’s enough. You got him.” I told her while I pulled her back towards me. With the lull in excitement, Kat flopped onto the bed between us. Instead of curling up to me the way she did whenever Loki wasn’t here, she turned over to lay her head on his chest. “See Loki, I told you Kat was a sweetheart. She just needed time to warm up to you.” 

After a long moment of intense glaring, his stern expression faded into something close to amusement. Loki sighed, “I suppose I’ve learned to tolerate her as well.” 

“Sounds to me like she’s growing on you.”

“That’s an ambitious assumption. Kat is no less of a nuisance than before.” He added, lazily stroking her fur. This was something I never thought I’d get to see. 

“Well it looks like I’m not her favorite anymore.” I chuckled. They looked comfortable together, so I decided to let her stay nestled between us for as long as Loki would allow it. If the two of them were finally getting along, I wasn’t about to put a stop to it. 

“I can see I will have to teach you some manors, since you’re adoptive mother is too easily swayed. Your first lesson will be on the significance of closed door. The next time you interrupt something that doesn’t concern you; I will not be lenient. So I suggest you pay close attention before you erode all that is left of my patience.” Kat didn’t seem to care about anything he’d said to her. She was content to be petted and all of his bluffing fell on deaf ears.

“Oh now you’re the disciplinarian? You’re just saucy because you’re feeling cock blocked. It’ll be ok sweetie, I promise I wont leave you untended to. You can take all your frustration out on me in a little while. I just needed to cheat for a few minutes.” I carefully snuck a kiss from him. Kat howled at Loki as if she were making her own argument for why she deserved to stay. I laughed as I tried to quiet her, “I think she’s decided you’re one of us. Now you can’t disappear or she’ll be really sad.” _I’ll be even sadder._

“I have no intentions of disappearing dove. I’m sure Kat would be inconsolable.” He said with an air of sarcasm. He knew I was talking about myself but he made no mention of this. We laid here together for a while longer and I felt complete. It wasn’t much but the three of us made for a cute little family, one I wouldn’t change for all the money in the world. “Would you like to know why I’m not going anywhere?” This time Loki was holding something back, waiting until I answered his question before he would continue. 

“Why?” 

“Because I love being here with you and…I love _you_.”

His confession knocked the wind out of me in the best way possible and I couldn’t get my words out fast enough, “I love you too Loki.” I don’t think he expected me to say it back because the utter elation in his eyes was too adorable. In my excitement I smiled so hard my cheeks felt like they might burst. “I’ve loved you for a long time. I was just too afraid to tell you sooner.”

“Never be afraid to share anything with me Ele.”

I nodded, eagerly accepting his kiss. “I love you.” I repeated, simply because I could. Now I was the one to shoo Kat out of the away so that I could straddle the man who owned my heart. I savored the sounds he made when I accepted his cock into my slick folds and the masculine groans of pleasure as I rode him to his climax. We had finally reached a point of no return, one I had longed for and dreaded at the same time. Loki had become entangled in my life with no easy way to extract him from it. It was terrifying, yet there was no better feeling on the planet. 

* * *

That evening when I returned home, I found Loki napping across my bed. He’d gotten off of work early and asked to wait here until I got in. Of course I agreed and Loki stopped by my job at lunchtime to get the keys. I dropped my purse on my dresser and crawled across the bed to reach him. He had pulled a blanket over himself and was fast asleep. _This is why you should sleep at night Loki._ I stroked his hair gently and kissed his forehead, “Wake up sleepy head.” Slowly he started to come to and he caught me around the waist to pull me onto the mattress next to him.

“I thought you’d never get home.” He murmured, scooping me into his arms so that he was the big spoon. 

“Well I had to go to my new job.” I said, still savoring my ability to say that. 

“How did your first day go?” Loki inquired. From the tone of his voice, I could tell he was teetering on the cusp of consciousness. Though that didn’t stop me from sharing all my great news with him. 

“It went really well. They all seem nice and the people in my department are a good bunch. I had lunch with Meg from IT. You met her when you stopped by earlier and she's really friendly. I think you would like her. She’s been there for about five years and she says she has all the dirt on our boss.” I explained with a laugh. While I was talking Loki dozed off again, so I nudged him a little harder until he looked at me. 

“That’s wonderful. I’m glad you are done with that bitch Christa. You can’t fathom how much I despised that woman.” Loki muttered.

“I probably hated her a little more than you ever could. Glad you had my back though. Anyway, I get free tickets to all the shows so if anything comes to town that you want to see just say the word and I’m on it.” In spite my pestering, Loki still seemed to be moments away from a peaceful slumber. He even rested his head against my shoulder to get comfortable the way he did every night. 

“Loki, are you listening to me?” His only answer was a muffled _uh-huh_ , however that was proof enough that he **wasn’t** actually listening to me. ”Are you getting up anytime soon or do you plan to sleep all day?” I asked, finally allowing my annoyance to come through.

Now he fought to keep his eyes open, having picked up on the change in my mood. “Why?”

“Because I wanted to take you someplace and I can’t do that if you are asleep.” Loki raised an eyebrow, waiting keenly for me to give an explanation. “Don’t give me that look. I need you to wake your lazy butt up right now. Ok? The weather is beautiful today and I think this might be our last chance before the weather changes for good.” I implored while I shoved him hard a couple more times. 

He exhaled a slow heavy sigh, “Alright. I’m up.”

“Great! While I change, you take care of that drool.” Loki hurried to swiped at his chin, silently questioning why I hadn’t said something sooner. _Because I like it when you’re a goober. It makes me feel better about myself._ “Oh Loki, what would you do without me?” 

“I would be able to get some sleep.” He muttered sarcastically. 

“Really? How often do I wake _you_ up for anything? If you aren’t quizzing me with your random questions, you’re horny and in need of _immediate attention_.” I made sure to keep my tone jovial so that he didn’t think I was genuinely upset about any of this. Most of the time I didn’t mind at all when he’d nudge me at 3am. Hell, I often looked forward to it when I didn’t have to get up first thing in the morning. 

Loki smiled mischievously, “And you are very accommodating.” I rolled my eyes and continued to get ready. I peeled out of my work cloths and tugged one of my casual dresses off the hanger.

Finally Loki moved to find a brush to fix his messy hair. “Where are we going?” He asked through a yawn.

“There’s a place on the outskirts of town where like I spend the day sometimes. It’s all farmland but it’s far enough from the city where there isn’t a lot of light pollution. I already checked the forecast and we’re supposed to have clear skies well into the weekend.” I explained, while I slipped on my flats. 

“You had a habit of exploring secluded places on your own didn’t you?” Loki asked. I could already tell that he was about to lecture me for being so reckless. Though that was the least harmful hobby that I had had during the years I spent on my own. 

“Yeah yeah…I know. I never planned to wonder off by myself. A lot of the time I got lost and I just happened to like where I ended up. So before you get your panties in a bunch, know that I don’t pull stunts like that anymore.” I explained. 

Loki wrapped his arms around me from behind and he held me tightly to his front. “I only want you to be safe. There are far too many people who would do you great harm without reason. You are smarter than that.”

“Not smart enough to stop myself from wondering off with you though right?” I smirked. 

“That was one of your better decisions.” Loki mentioned, kissing my temple before he left me to find his shoes. We piled in my car and headed for another one of my secret spots. Kat rode in the backseat, not that she stayed there for very long. She liked to poke her head out of Loki’s window and snap at the wind and much to my relief he tolerated her. Without the pressure of having to keep the two of them separated, I decided to take the scenic route. We rode through the winding dirt roads with no real hurry. It was nice to get away from our little town, not that it was a bustling metropolis or anything. After a solid forty minutes of driving, we found ourselves in a wide-open field, headed towards a lonely tree in the distance. For miles in either direction crops decorated the land like a patchwork quilt. I parked beneath the wide canopy of that solitary tree and fished Kat’s leash out of my purse. 

Meanwhile Loki unfolded himself from the cramped passengers side. He leaned against the roof of my car and admired the view in silence. “It’s nothing special but at least it’s beautiful right?” 

“It is.”

I went over to the oak and secured Kat’s leash to the trunk. I wasn’t about to have her running amuck out here. Not only would it ruin our evening, I was still recovering from the three weeks that she’d been gone. The last thing I wanted was to experience any of that again. Once I’d tied her up, she had plenty of room to roam but she wasn’t going far now that she was wearing her new harness. While I gave her a bowl of water and her chew bone, Loki spread a blanket for us. As soon as he finished smoothing the edges, I hurried over to sit down beside him. He was still getting situated when I cracked open the bottle of sunscreen and started to apply some of it on his exposed shoulders. “What are you doing?” 

“Slathering you in sunscreen of course. I’m still traumatized by the way you shed like a snake last week. I’ve never seen anything like that before and I never want to again.”

Then I plopped a dollop on each of his cheeks, “I don’t need—“ Rather than let him finish, I massaged it all over his face, being extra careful no to get any in his eyes.

“Hush Loki. You do need it. I hated seeing you that miserable. While the sun up, you’re getting nothing less that SPF 60. Besides I don’t know if _I_ can handle you getting another sunburn.”

“You are being overdramatic. I highly doubt in all the time you have resided in this…hellhole that the same thing has never once happened to you.“

That made me laugh out loud, “It actually hasn’t. It’d take quite a bit more than that to put me in the condition you found yourself in. I tanned and you—you burned to a crisp.” He mocked my laughter, only to squirt an obscene amount of cream into my cleavage. “Thanks for that Loki. You’re _oh-so_ helpful.” Instead of giving me any more sass, he took his time to massaging it in. Ultimately, I ended up having to pull my dress down around my waist to keep from staining the fabric. Personally I think this was Loki’s intention all along. I leaned backward onto my hands while he worked it into my skin, taking longer than necessary on the plumper parts of my breasts. 

“There, now you will protected from the suns harmful rays.” Loki muttered as he jiggled my left boob just for the fun of it. 

“And the other 99 percent of me is toast.” I muttered. My dry sarcasm never failed to earn a smile from him. 

“Perhaps, however this lovely part here will be spared.” He replied, still fondling their softness. I swatted his hands away so that I could fix my cloths. A little while later, darkness fell and the sky illuminate with the stars above. It had been a while since Loki had said anything and the only sound that filled our silence was the chorus of a thousand crickets. “We won’t be able to see the Big Dipper soon.” I mentioned. 

“What is that?” Loki asked quizzically. 

“See right there…those stars. They resemble a ladle or a big dipper.” I explained. Loki hummed in understanding; the way people tend to do with abstract art. “My favorite thing is when you can see some of the other planets. I think Saturn is visible this time of year.” I mentioned. 

Loki’s expression scrunched in confusion. “You’re referring to other worlds?” 

“Yeah, y’know the other planets in the solar system.” I laughed. 

“What are they like?”

“Well…there’s Mercury. That place is scorched and dusty because it’s right next to the sun. Then Venus is a hellhole for a lot of other reasons, my favorite one being the sulfuric acid rain. I learned that on the science channel. Next is Earth and you already know all about this wonderful place. We’ve got life and water going for us here—“

“Do the other words not have either of those?” Loki inquired skeptically. 

“Not as far as we can tell. Mars might have water in some form…or it did ages ago. I don't really follow these scientific things. All the rest of the planets are inhospitable in a million different ways.”

“Has no one ever gone to investigate?”

I laughed, “No? We’ve been to the moon once but no one will say just why we stopped going. I personally like to think it was aliens.” 

“Aliens?”

“Yes, Aliens. Go ahead and call me a wackjob. I’m used to that sort of thing.” I replied, only half joking. 

“Why would I do that?” Loki genuinely looked confused by my statement. 

“Because usually the only people who believe in aliens as much as I do are those folks in tin foil hats spouting conspiracy theories. I’m not that far gone but…I find it hard to believe that in a universe so large and so old that there isn’t a _single_ other race of beings aware enough of their own existence to wonder if they were alone in the cosmos.” 

“That’s a logical viewpoint.” Loki mentioned, still not giving me any insight into whether or not he agreed with me. 

“You don’t believe in aliens do you?”

“Of course I do. Races far superior to your own have existed for millennia. You Midgardians just have a tendency to deifying them whenever they cross your path.”

“You sound so sure.” I replied, giving him a rather skeptical glare. 

“That is because I know this for a fact.” Loki countered. 

“Maybe you’re more of a wackjob than me. Or maybe you know because you’re an alien yourself.” I teased. 

“I’ve been called that on occasion. I don’t particularly care for the term.” He added. 

“That’s rude. Who said that to you?”

Loki smiled, amused by something he wouldn’t share. “Someone who knew me _very_ well.”

I scoffed, “Had to have been. If they knew you then the rudeness makes a lot more sense.” 

“Are you saying they were justified?” Loki asked quickly, the corner of his mouth turned up in a sly smirk.

“Nope. Whether you are an alien or not doesn’t really matter to me. I don’t think I would mind if you were though. If you’ve managed to convince me for this long that you’re human, then that’s good enough for me. The only thing I ask is that you not probe me. That sounds super unpleasant and I don’t think you want me to hurt you.”

Loki shoved me back onto the blanket, which took me by surprise. Of course I submitted to him without a fight. “Pity, probing you is my favorite pastime.”

“Do I get to probe you in return?” I countered. 

“If you ask nicely.” 

“I’ll be sure to do that. Don’t you dare get squeamish when I take you up on your offer ET.” Loki leaned against me and at first I thought he was going to try to coax me to give myself to him. Instead I felt him relaxing in my embrace. I'd been picking up on a subtle shifts in his demeanor all day. I don’t know what had changed with him over the last few hours but now there was a pervasive of exhaustion in his eyes that I didn’t understand. It wasn’t just physical; it was a lot deeper than that. 

The Loki that I was seeing now was still him, except he was vulnerable in a way that I’d never seen before. In the same way my feelings for him had been awakened out of the shadows of my mind, I instinctively knew exactly what he needed right now. For once it wasn’t physical intimacy or dramatic professions of love, it was simply me being there to support him the way he had been there for me so many times before. I held his head against me and stroked the fine hairs along the nape of his neck. A deep-seated compulsion stirred in me, demanding that I do all that I could to comfort him regardless of the toll it took it took on me. 

In the corner of my eye a shooting star caught my attention. “Look! Make a wish!” I exclaimed quickly pointing to the sky. I scrunched my eyes closed and wished hard for what I wanted most. _Please don’t leave me. I never want this feeling to end._ When I opened my eyes, Loki was watching me with curiosity in his expression. 

“What did you wish for?” 

“I can’t tell you or it won’t come true. You were in it though.” I whispered, offering a reassuring smile. Loki seemed satisfied with that answer then nuzzled into the turn of my neck to draw in a deep breath of my scent. There was a piece of me that wanted to ask him if I had been a part of his wish too, though I didn’t want to jeopardize it for the sake of my curiosity. 

“You were a part of mine as well. I didn’t wish for something that I wanted to happen. I wished that something wouldn’t happen. Can it work that way?” Loki asked me.

I shrugged, a little confused by his question. In the back of my mind I wondered if he had asked for the same thing I had. “I don’t think wishing on shooting stars is that much of a science Loki. You ask it for what you want and it either gives you your wish or it doesn’t.” He didn’t say anything else, instead he settled to lie here with me and take in the tranquility. 

For ages we gazed up at the milky way until the air grew chilly and I needed to snuggle up to him for warmth. Loki didn’t seem to mind the nippy air and generously shared his body heat with me. He even rubbed his hands over my arms to soften the goosebumps that prickled my skin. Once my shivering became persistent, he decided it was time to head home and I reluctantly agreed. It was late and we both had work in the morning. So against my will, I quietly returned with him to the real world and I hoped that my wish hadn’t gone un-granted. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I don't know if you've ever noticed that good portion of my chapter titles are songs of the same name. This one in particular was one of my more obvious choices. Maybe you noticed this before…maybe not. A lot of times the lyrics of that song tie into the chapter somehow. I don’t always do it. Anyway, I'm glad to finally have another chapter for you. I hope you enjoyed it and I plan to have the next one for you very soon. I've been looking forward to this next chapter for a REALLY long time. With that being said, I am off to edit some more and hopefully get this sucker up before the end of the week.


	28. I Don't Like Surprises

Loki had always been a very a physical person. Nothing satisfied him more than fondling and caressing my breasts first thing in the morning. Well, nothing except sex at least. I’m sure if I let him, he could entertain himself like this all day. I was waking slowly and I felt him trailing tender kisses along my throat until he ventured lower then his warm breath tickled my cleavage. His groping aggravated an ache that only worsened the longer he handled me. I remember groaning in discomfort though unfortunately for him, he misread that as arousal. Loki’s nimble fingers tweaked the stiffening bud and instead of pleasure it brought excruciating pain. It felt like he’d clamped an exposed nerve with a vice rather than a gentle pinch between his fingers.

At that point, I heard myself slap him and from the sound of it I’d hit him _pretty_ hard. Now my eyes shot open and I was awash with remorse. “Shit! I didn’t mean to do that.” I gasped, covering his hand with my own. Amidst the initial shock, there was some understanding in his expression. “Loki I really didn’t mean to do that.” I quickly sat up to get a better look at what I’d done.

“I thought you were enjoying it.” Loki chuckled. In spite of the amused façade he tried to plaster on, he still sounded very lost and confused by my reaction. To my relief, the unexpected blow had stunned him far more than it had hurt him. 

“Well…I wasn’t. I’d prefer you leave them both alone for now. Don’t even look in their direction.” I joked, as casually as I could. I gently pried his fingers away from the angry whelp. Seeing my handiwork hurt my heart because I never wanted to hurt him. Even though my actions were born out of reflex, I didn’t make me feel less awful for hitting him in the first place. I kissed the inflamed outline of my palm in the hopes that he wouldn’t hold it against me. “Loki I really didn’t mean to slap you.”

“I know you didn’t dove. You’re forgiven.” Loki replied, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. I still searched his expression for any underlying anger. When I was satisfied that he’d truly forgave me, I collapsed onto my side of the bed to regroup. This wasn’t how I imagined my day starting at all.

At the other side of the curtains the sun was shrouded in overcast and that meant the weather outside was hideous. I didn’t work on Saturdays anymore so I fully intended to have a relaxing rainy day for the first time in ages. We’d already slept in until eleven so there was no use in getting in a hurry now. As tired as I was, I considered rolling over to catch a few more Zs before getting out of bed anyway. Instead I rubbed my eyes and kicked off the covers.

“I need to go out to the store later. Would you care to join me?” Loki asked me.

“Are you finally going to get your screen fixed or have you started to enjoy picking glass out of your fingertips?” I smirked. 

“You just can’t resist can you?”

“Nope. Getting to say ‘I told you so’ is a rare treat. I needed to get that last one out of my system before it was too late.” I giggled.

“Should I expect you to join me or will I finally have some peace and quiet when I go alone?”

“Of course I’ll join you. You might need my help with something.” I teased. 

Loki chose not to indulge me further, so he settled for a change of subject. “Are you hungry?”

“Starved actually. Are you about to fix lunch?” Just the thought of food made my stomach growl in anticipation.

“Yes. What would you like?”

“I’ll have what you’re having.” I smiled up at him. Loki leaned down to give me a quick kiss before he climbed over top of me to swagger into the bathroom. “Loki, you know I hate it when you do that.” I chided. 

“You love it.” He corrected as he pushed the door closed. While he was busy, I rolled out of bed and pulled on my favorite sweatpants. Today was one of those days where fitted clothing was completely out of the question. It was a good thing we weren’t shy around each other anymore. I could wear my ugly cloths without shame and whether Loki would admit it or not, he liked to do the same. There had been quite a few times where I couldn’t tell if he was aiming for a hipster look or a homeless look. 

Soon after, Loki emerged from the bathroom to search through the dresser drawers for my gym shorts. I hadn’t technically given them to him, however Loki had claimed them as his own. _At least they’re men’s shorts._ I think the only reason they fit him so well was because he was so lean and they were a tad too big for me. Nevertheless, they were his now and he wasn’t trying to hide it. While I was stood in front of the mirror brushing my hair, I felt that I was being watched. When I looked over my shoulder Loki smiled, unashamed to have been caught staring. “I have a surprise for you.” He stated.

I sighed, holding eye contact with his reflection. “You know I don’t like surprises.” 

“I am certain that you will enjoy this one. When have I ever displeased you?” Loki gave me a firm smack on the butt on his way out of the room. I yelped in surprise, now bearing a stinging handprint of my own. 

“You’re a fiend, you know that.” I called after him. 

He winked, throwing a wicked smirk my way. “Then it’s a good thing I’m yours isn’t it?” Per usual, Loki was quite pleased with himself. I don’t know why I ever expected anything less from him. As irritating as he could be, that mischievous streak was still one of his most endearing qualities. _You always have had a thing for bad boys._

Kat waited in the hall for Loki to leave before sneaking in to greet me. “Good morning munchkin. You know you aren’t supposed to be in here.” I smiled down at her. Loki had become a lot more accepting of her over these last few days. For that very reason, I wasn’t about to breaking my promise so soon after. Kat scampered back into the den, eager to follow Loki instead. By the time I joined them, he was already busy in the kitchen. I figured I ought to stay out of his way if I wanted anything to eat, so I took my place at the table. When he opened the fridge to get a few things and I saw him inspecting the little milk carton. “Oh! I meant to tell you that I bought some almond milk for you. I don’t know if you’ll like it but it beats eating dry cereal the way you did on Thursday.” 

“Do you drink this?”

I knew him well enough to know that that was his skeptical voice. Funny how he favored it in his coffee but was hesitant to drink it on it’s own. Somehow that didn’t come as much of a surprise; Loki was the pickiest eater I’d ever met. “I’ve had it a couple time and I don’t like it. You might though.” I watched him unscrew the cap to take a hesitant swig. 

Loki’s only reaction was an indifferent shrug. “It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever tasted.” 

“Really?” I had imagined he would hate it, hence the reason I got the little single serving size.

“It would take far more effort to surpass your spaghetti. **That** was the worst thing I ever tasted.” He laughed. 

I rolled my eyes for dramatic affect, “Ha. Ha. You are hilarious.” 

“Thank you for thinking of me. This is a satisfying substitute.”

“I think about you far too often.” I muttered under my breath. _Is that even possible?_   
I was starting to wonder what surprise he could have for me. Hopefully it wasn’t something expensive or anything he put a lot of time and effort into. I never knew how to react to those kinds of gifts. On top of that, I wasn’t very good at faking excitement over something I didn’t genuinely like. It wasn’t for lack of trying; I just wasn’t a very convincing liar. 

Loki brought our plates to the table and he placed mine before me. He’d made turkey sandwiches just the way I liked it. Of all the meals that Loki liked to prepare, this one was one of my favorites. I could only ever eat pumpernickel bread and enjoy it when he was around. I had even tried it on my own a few times but it just wasn’t the same. This was our thing. _Could you get any cheesier?_ For the majority of our meal we ate in comfortable silence, save for Kat’s begging. Loki wouldn’t let me indulge her with table scraps and after some stern scolding she gave up. I guess I hadn’t really taken him seriously when he vowed to teach her some manners. In the last three days he’d managed to train her better than I had in her entire life.

After I finished my food, I found myself watching him eat the rest of his. I was somewhere between wanting him to finish quickly so that he could show my surprise and wanting him to fix me another sandwich. _Or maybe you could ask for the half he hasn’t touched yet. No…that’s a bad idea. You already slapped him today, don’t take his food too._ My staring must not have been all that subtle because he handed it over without protest. I thanked him and he rolled his eyes, obviously less than pleased with himself for not being able to tell me no. Meanwhile I was awe of my newfound talent. I could swindle him out of food without having to say a single word. _That is real power._

As I finished off the last few bites of his sandwich, Loki went back into the kitchen. I peeped around the corner to try to steal a look at what he was doing. Sensing that I was being nosy, Loki turned his body to block me view. _I guess you’re not making another sandwich then_. Whatever it was, it made a lot of noise when he opened the packaging. After all that commotion, he returned to the table with a little bowl of some brown pudding-like stuff. I glanced up at him while trying to hide my disappointment. _This is it? Pudding??_ “Oh…what is that?” _Don’t grimace. That’s rude!_

“It’s chocolate custard. I recall you mentioning the other day how much you adored it.” He grinned. _When the hell did I tell you that? I’ve never had custard in my entire life._

“Did I?” I asked trying to laugh off my confusion. _Or slight disgust?_ Steeling myself, I tasted a little on the tip of the spoon. I was fully expecting that I would hate it, although hate it I did not. _This is what heaven tastes like._ I wanted to fight the wide smile that lit my face except it was too wonderful to quietly enjoy. The flavor gave me an inexplicable sense of nostalgia, dredging up a host of familiar feelings of comfort that I only ever caught glimpses of these days. “Duh, of course I told you I love this stuff. It’s fucking delicious!” I exclaimed, diving back in for another mouthful. 

Loki smiled easier this time, seeming to derive a deeper satisfaction than I couldn’t quite decipher. More and more he often watched me with this sentimental look. Whenever I asked him about it, he would never say just what he was admiring. A lot of the time it was a bit disconcerting. I told myself that it was just one of his quirky ways so that I could start getting used to it. I hadn’t been successful yet, but the custard was a great distraction. 

I took another hearty spoon full and midway down a wave of nausea brought it right back up. Loki must have been able to see this momentary shift because he suddenly looked very worried, “Ele?” When I went to assure him that it was nothing, my stomach revolted again, expelling everything that I’d just fed it. At best guess, I had about four seconds before I barfed on the table. _Which is classy as fuck._ I cast aside my chair and bolted to the bathroom. There was only enough time for me fall to my knees and aim before I retched into the toilet. _So much for my sandwich._

Loki gathered my hair and pulling it out of the way as another wave of nausea brought up the last of my lunch. Once my stomach began to settle, I flushed away the mess. “Are you alright?” Loki’s hand rested at the small of my back as a minor comfort. 

I nodded slightly, wracking my brain to come up with an excuse off the top of my head. “I think the custard was spoiled.“ Loki apologized, wearing a look of disappointment that pierced my heart with shame. I had to stop him there because I knew without question that it wasn’t his fault. _Well, it is and it isn’t..._ As of this morning, I was into day eleven of period watch and aunt flow was still MIA. This new development _wasn’t_ helping to dispel that suspicion I’d been having. 

Loki helped me up off the floor and I went to rinse away the bitter taste of bile. I let him think it was the upset stomach that caused my hands to tremble. It took every ounce of self-control I possessed to keep my composure. “Are you sure that you’re well?”

“I’m fine.” I answered softly. _I am absolutely not fine right now. **I am the exact opposite of fine**._ I had been this many days late a few times before, so at first I hadn’t thought anything of it. All the stress that I’d been under after the storm, after I lost my job and after Kat ran away, I was sure that that combo was enough to force my body into a total reset. Not to mention all the meds I was on, even if I rarely took them the way I was supposed to. Sometimes they screwed with my body. _Now you’re just making excuses. You haven’t taken those pills in months._

In hindsight it seemed obvious to me now. I’d smacked the hell out of him this morning for barely touching my boobs. Loki hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary and I’d whacked him across out of nowhere. No wonder he was so confused, I probably would have been as well. Now I had just upchucked everything I’d eaten in the last 12 hours. With all this to consider, I found it difficult to convince myself that I wasn’t pregnant. Miraculously, I managed to suppress my anxiety. There could be any number of explanations for all the strange things that happened today like food poisoning, exhaustion, stomach virus and the custard _could_ have actually been spoiled. It wasn’t good to jump to conclusion.

I was willing to believe my own lie until I absolutely had to face the truth. I couldn’t allow myself to go down this road on a suspicion alone. Once I had proof, then I could panic. _Sounds like a great plan Ele. What could possibly go wrong?_ Loki’s eyes scanned over me, diligently trying to ferret out what I might have been hiding from him. Aside from the third degree, his silence let me know that he wasn’t sure what was going through my head right now. Rather than pressure me for more information, Loki went on to fix me something else to eat while I freshened up. 

Following my second lunch, we lounged around the house for another few hours. I managed to act normal and pocket all of my worries. As far as I could tell Loki didn’t suspect a thing. He easily reverted to the charming ball of sarcasm and sweetness that I’d come to love. Loki even joined in when I played with Kat, which was both refreshing and uplifting. They were adorable together and that was more than enough to distract me from my inner turmoil. 

Later in the afternoon Loki decided he was ready to go run his errands, so we got dressed and headed out. I strategically brought Kat along on our outing to run interference when the time came. Our first stop was to replace his screen and then we walked another few blocks to the pawnshop. He’d mentioned before that he liked to check in here for odds and ends from time to time. Loki claimed that it was a good place to find new antiques to barter. When he returned to us he had a bit of cash with him. He’d traded in a few of the trinkets we’d brought with us from home and out of that money he offered to buy ice cream. Of course I couldn’t turn down a sweet treat, so I got two scoops of triple chocolate, he got two of the lemon sorbet, and Kat even got a pup-cup of peanut butter ice cream. Kat loved her’s so much that she ate half of the bowl too. _My dog is an idiot sometimes._

On the way back home we neared a drug store and I did my best to stay calm. I’d brought us this way so that I could stop here without causing any unwarranted suspicion. _So far so good, now all you need to do is keep him outside somehow._ “Hey, I’ve got to grab some tampons. Do you mind waiting with Kat while I run in?” That was sure to keep him from asking any more questions. Without a word Loki took the leash from me and I was free to go. 

My palms were sweaty and I dried them on my jeans as I made my way to the family planning isle. I never thought that I’d find myself in the market for pregnancy tests. In my mind, I always imagined that I would plan this sort of thing or that I’d be in a totally different place in my life when this situation came about. After a few shaky breaths, I stared at the long wall of products with my heartbeat thudding in my ears. _Maybe you’re not really pregnant. It could be PMS? Maybe? Please?_

I didn’t know the first thing about picking the right kind of test, so I inspected the cheapest one first. This one said that it could tell five days before a missed period. _We’re far beyond that._ The picture on the side of the box showed the little pink plus and minus signs that the test could display. I’d always heard horror stories about the indecipherable faint lines so I opted to forgo them altogether. I put that one back and picked up a digital one. It seemed ideal, since it had words that left no room for interpretation. I turned the more expensive one over to read the back. As far as I could tell, this looked like my best option. _You’re not pregnant. You don’t need this!_

I sat it back on the shelf and turned to leave, only to pick it up once again. _You’re an idiot._ After fighting with myself for another few seconds, I took two more just to be extra sure that whatever result I ended up with was accurate. Once I’d collected the three boxed, I went through self-check out because I absolutely could not face another human in this state. Surely they would understand, given the items I was buying. Regardless, I wasn’t interested in embarrassing myself today. After I paid for my purchase, I tucked the tests deep into the bottom of my bag. The last thing I needed right now was for Loki to catch a glimpse of what I’d just bought. With a few deep breaths, I collected myself then rejoined him outside the store. 

When we got back home, I sweet-talked him into watching a movie with me. Ten minutes later, he was fast asleep. I could always count on a good rom-com to knock him out. It was like a Loki specific tranquilizer. Even if it were first thing in the morning, he would fall asleep just to weasel out of watching it. Every now and again I used this to my advantage. Once I was sure that he was asleep, I pulled the three pregnancy tests from my bag and tiptoed into the bathroom. 

I freed each of the tests sticks from the packaging and held this little digital screen in my hand. Knowing that each of these devices had the power to tell me my future was a little surreal. Even though I was almost certain I was pregnant, I _still_ held out hope that I’d catch a break. With a sigh I took off the caps and sat down to give my samples. _How much was enough? Is there such a thing as too much? That has to be good enough now._

I laid the tests on a strip of tissue and began the waiting. The instructions said it would take three minutes and without a doubt these were the _longest_ three minutes of my entire life. I leaned against the counter, staring down at the trio on bated breath. The first test gave its verdict and my heart sank like a stone. **Pregnant**. It was right there in plain English. _That can’t be right. Maybe if I shake it a little?_ However, the letters wouldn’t budge. Then the other two finished in quick succession. **Pregnant. Pregnant**. All three of them said the same thing. They all couldn’t be broken. 

That was when the shock began to set in and I felt like I had been doused with ice water. Terrified didn’t come close to describing what I was feeling. _Why now? Why did this have to happen **now**?!_ Just when my life was starting to get better, I had to go fuck it up all over again. I finally had a job that I liked, I was making a respectable salary for the first time in my life, and Loki and I were at a great place in our relationship. It was easy to forget we’d only been together five months. Hell it wasn’t even a whole five months. We’d fallen into this so fast that I rarely, if ever, had the chance to absorb just how far we had come in that a short stretch of time. What I did know, was that four months and twenty days wasn’t nearly long enough to decide if I wanted to raise a child with him. _I’m not ready to raise a child with anyone in the first place!_

I was genuinely happy for the first time in years, so it only made sense that reality ought to come along to kick me in the teeth. Now I finally felt the steady streams of tears sliding down my cheeks. Where was my excitement? I wasn’t supposed to be this horrified to learning that I was creating a life inside me. This should have been a joyous occasion that I’d look back on for the rest of my life. I should have been overcome with happiness but instead I only felt fear, the kind that paralyzed and made every breath clench my chest like a heart attack. I should have been chomping at the bit to tell anyone who would listen the good news. 

That thought brought on an even more uncomfortable realization. _What am I going to tell Loki? Should I tell him at all?_ It might not be worth the hassle if I decided to end this before it progressed any farther. That notion didn’t even sit long in my mind before I dismissed it. I didn’t have the heart to follow through with that. Even as terrified as I was, I realized that my fears had skipped over the part where I was carrying our child. I was already confronting the changes my life would undergo the moment I brought Loki’s baby into this world. _Will he want us?_

Surely Loki wasn’t interested in a life long commitment. After all he was only “ _considering_ ” making his move here permanent. Had he made up his mind yet? Was any of that even true? If so, how much of it was because of me? What was to stop him from cutting his losses and skipping out of the country without a moment’s notice? Loki could leave me here with our accident and never look back. The only reason I had to believe Loki might stay was because he said he loved. I was old enough to know that it didn’t have to be true for him to say it. He could have told me exactly what I wanted to hear and I would be his fool for believing it.

Just the thought of him leaving me behind felt like it would destroy me. The prospect of becoming a single mother wasn’t as frightening as the thought of my life without him. I had nothing that I could pass off as a savings. There was no room for family expansion in my tiny apartment. Therefore surviving this without Loki would be difficult incredibly but I knew it shouldn’t have been the lesser of two evils. If Loki abandoned me the way that everyone eventually did, that would be my tipping point and there was be no coming back from it. He’d pieced me back together and the happiness that I felt now was only possible because of him. I didn’t want that to change. 

I wished that I were stronger or I didn’t depend on Loki for stability but I did. I didn’t want to wake up one morning to find him gone or to be left waiting for him to return my calls only to never hear from him again. Did he love me enough to stay? Would he be there for me when I needed him most? Would he be there when _our baby_ would need him? 

All of these panicked thoughts swept my mind through in a matter of seconds and the surge of emotion sapped all of my energy in one fell swoop. I didn’t have it in me to break the news to Loki anytime soon. If I tried, I was certain it would end in disaster. The best thing for both of us would to wait until I’d let this sink in. I needed to wrap my mind around the idea of being responsible for a tiny person. _One that will look like a splash of me and a dash of him._ Staring down at the three positive tests, I leaned against the counter and tried to take a few slow breaths.

Suddenly, the encounter that had probably put me in this condition came to mind. I was sure it was the night the power came back. Loki had seduced me so quickly that I hadn’t realized until after I’d climaxed that we forgotten to use protection. Judging by the mess that he’d made, I was sure that he had pulled out. In the heat of the moment, I hadn’t worried about it because I figured he knew what he was doing. Every time that we were intimate I demanded that we use a condom, except for that night for whatever reason. The one time I slacked off was all it took. _How could you be so stupid!?_

I guess there was no sense in assigning the blame now, not when we were equally responsible. My mind I was looking for a way to make this his fault in order to divert my attention away from the real issue at hand. It didn’t matter _how_ it had happened, what was important was that it _had_ happen. A knock on the door tore me from my thoughts and my heart leapt into my throat, “Ele? Is everything alright?” 

From the tone of his voice I knew I only had a few seconds to collect myself before he would come through that door to check on me. “I’m fine.” I called. Masking the tremble in my voice was harder than I anticipated. I hurried to wipe the tears off my cheeks and I scrambled to get the tests into the trash. Loki opened the door just a crack to peak inside. To make is seem like I had been busy this whole time I flushed the toilet and headed over to the sink to wash my hands. However Loki wasn’t so easily fooled, given the pervasive concern in his expression. “You’re awake.” I mentioned as casually as I could. Instead he continued to watch me with a scrutinizing eye. All the while I kept my eyes low so that he wouldn’t see the tears that continued to pool there. 

“I had a terrible feeling that you were in distress. Then I thought I heard you crying just now—were you sick again?” He asked me. I pressed my lips together to stop their quivering. Loki always seemed to sense when I wasn’t ok and each time he came to my rescue. I wondered if he would he do the same if I told him all that I’d just learned. _What if he tells you to get rid of it?_ That thought soured my stomach and instilled a deep sense of bitter anguish. No matter how much easier that could make this whole situation for me, I knew I still wouldn’t do it. Not even for him.

With delicate persistence, Loki lifted my chin to meet his gaze and I stubbornly refused. If I made eye contact then he’d see just how distraught I actually was, not that he hadn’t already seen enough to have some idea. “I’m ok. Thanks for checking up on me.” I went to brush past him and his arm closed around my waist. Without meaning to, I violently tore out of his grasp. That slight contact left me feeling exposed and it felt like he could see right through me. Rather than take a heavy-handed approach, Loki changed his tactics.

“Would you tell me if you weren’t?” The tone of his voice made his question sound like a desperate plea. It suggested that I’d be hurting him if I chose to keep this all to myself. His desperation hit me with a wave of guilt that I couldn’t handle on top of the myriad of emotions I’d already been bombarded with this afternoon. I needed to get far away from him before I burst into tears. It was coming and I didn’t want him there to sweet-talk the truth out of me in a moment of vulnerability. I needed space to absorb all this, something I knew I wouldn’t get if I stayed in here with him for a minute longer. 

“Of course I would. It’s like I said…I’m fine. Could you empty the can by the dresser? I’m taking out the trash.” I hurried past him, refusing to look him in the eye. Loki’s skeptical gaze followed me long after I left him standing by the bed. I didn’t need to look back to know that he wasn’t even close to convinced. Loki always knew when I was lying and this was no exception. I just hoped he wouldn’t prod any harder for answers. Whenever I found myself in an uncomfortable situation, my go to reaction was to shut down. It was by no means the right way to handle things, however it was the only way I managed to survive ordeal after ordeal with my spirits intact. It had become more of a habit than a conscious decision.

From past experience, Loki had learned not to push me out of my comfort zone. It would only drive a wedge between us and neither of us wanted that to happen. With this in mind, he watched me with silent concern as I snatched up ever scrap of trash in sight before I rushed out the door. Just like any other problem that came my way, I was trying to run from this one too but I knew that no amount of running was ever going to make this one go away. Soon I would be forced to face the reality head on, whether I was ready for it or not. 

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! That was fun wasn't it? No? Yes? Let me know what you think...or don't. The next chapter should be up soonish.


	29. Bail Me Out

The days faded by in a narrow monochromatic blur. Most of the time none of it felt real, it was akin to a dream that I couldn’t wake from. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a nightmare. There had been worse periods in my life that had handled me with far less dignity. This was altogether different from anything I’d ever faced in the past. Perhaps that was why I found it so much harder to come to terms with this; its foreignness piled higher on top an already unsteady stack of fears. And as usual, I only made things worse for myself by bottling up all my emotion until I was on the verge of imploding. 

Since I’d learned I was expecting there had been several nights where racing thoughts crept into my mind under the cover of darkness. As the days labored on, uncertainty began to displace paralyzing fear and I settled into a stable acceptance. Diaper commercials no longer put me in a cold sweat and I even caught myself feeling a twinge of anticipation when I saw a woman go by with a stroller, regardless of how short lived that experience was. The lighthearted sentiments retreated the instant I saw her husband join them because it prompted my thoughts to circled back to my biggest fear. _Will Loki be there for us?_

Besides that terrifying question, I wondered how I could ever make room in my life for something as helpless as a newborn. At present I was barely adjusting to Loki, even though he was a much less demanding addition to my scenery. No matter how far out of his element he could be at times, he was never a hundred and seventy percent reliant on me to keep him alive. Loki often did for me whenever I couldn’t do for myself. The closest I came to having a dependent was Kat when she was a puppy, however that stage hadn’t lasted very long. Sure I’d had a couple sleepless nights with her, nothing compare to those I could anticipate with a baby and unlike Kat it wouldn’t stop after a few nerve-wracking weeks. 

If my pet parenting was any indication of my actual parenting skills, my kid was in for a rough childhood. I could leave Kat home alone for hours at a time without getting charged with child neglect. Hell I could even forget to feed her for a day or two and she wouldn’t die. Kat would sooner break into the fridge to steal my leftovers or chew through the a bag of treats again before she’d ever allow me to starve her to death. Obviously all this couldn’t be said for a baby and I was coming face to face a steep learning curve.

Meanwhile, Loki still hadn’t discovered the cause to my inner battle, though it was not for lack of trying. He had become even more concerned as my silent horror turned into withdrawn unease. I’d watched Loki test everything in his repertoire to cheer me up, mostly to no avail. The other night before bed, he’d given me a long massage to help me relax. To his credit, it had eased a great deal of my tension. At the best of times those fingers worked all sorts of magic and on my tired frame that talent melted away every coil of tension that tightened my muscles. 

“I had a dream about you last night.” I whispered, while his hands worked at the apex of my shoulders. My eyes fluttered closed while he worked; too relaxed to force myself to hold them open any longer.

“Was it an erotic dream?” _Of course you would want to know that._ Even though I wasn’t facing him, I could hear the smirk in his voice. 

“No.”

“Was it at least pleasant?”

The extra contemplation drained what little focus I had left on reserve. “I guess so.” 

“Tell me about it.” Loki prompted before turning me onto my back. When I looked up at him, his expression was open and waiting, eager for me to share. Sometimes I wondered why he cared so much. Once I’d started sharing my dreams, he’d made it something of a nightly ritual.

“Well there was this enormous palace somewhere far away. I’m not sure if you brought me there or if I found my way to it on my own. Anyway, we both lived there but not _together_ together. You never would have allowed that, not the way you despised me. To you I was just a headache, an annoying thing that kept showing up for attention when you would much rather be alone.”

Loki’s eyes narrowed incredulously, “You said it was a pleasant dream.” There was some truth to his objection. The only reason I had said it was pleasant was because there was more to it than what I’d managed to share so far. It wasn’t that it was an overtly happy dream; in all honesty it was painfully boring. What made it noteworthy was the fact that I remembered feeling like my old self again; the person that I used to before I’d lost my mind. Loki kept quiet, continuing to massage farther up my hands until he progressed to my wrist.

“I don’t remember the middle bits, you know how dreams are chaotic and happen out of order. Even though you didn’t really want to have anything to do with me, you liked to take me to your favorite parts of the palace. We went to the library a lot or the gardens if the weather was nice. Even though you wouldn’t talk to me I still liked it there for some reason. I liked it because it felt like home. I felt more at home than I’ve felt a long time.” My eyes locked with his just as a realization came to me, “You feel like home too.” Loki leaned lower to place a kiss on my ribs and I ran my fingers through his hair. 

“I’m the one whose come home dove. Everything I could want or need, I have right here beside me.” 

“Everything?” I asked. My skepticism grew from the truth that I still kept to myself.

“Yes, nothing more…nothing less.” Again he turned to kiss my tummy and I fended off the sinking feeling that his words unintentionally stirred up. _Nothing more? Is anything more than what we have right now a deal breaker?_ At the same time, Loki left a line of soft kisses down the slope of my belly until he lingered at the tender area between my navel and where my curls began. Suddenly I felt too vulnerable, like he might somehow know that he was inches from my occupied womb. I tensed anew and Loki backed off, respecting my silent protest to his touch. 

Thankfully the following night I was alone and could rest easily, knowing that I didn’t have to put on a strong face for him. I talked with Kat about everything that was going on. Just as I expected, she wasn’t very helpful. Kat was far too excited about getting a little brother or sister to play with. _Even though she shouldn’t have been. Traitor._ Last night Loki came by around eleven. I hadn’t been expecting a knock at my door at that hour, not that I had any question as to who was paying me a visit. 

I hurried to the entryway to let him in. “I had feared you would be asleep. You tend to turn in for the night earlier than this.” Loki explained as he crossed threshold. In his possession was a stout bag of Chinese food, whose delightful aroma had already enticed my stomach to growl with anticipation. “Hopefully you haven’t eaten anything substantial. I brought your favorite…General Tso’s chicken with extra sauce, just the way you like it.”

His generosity brought a smile to my face. I had been craving it all day, not that I made any mention of this to him. Sometimes Loki was just wonderful all on his own. “You know me so well Mr. Laufeyson.” I stole a kiss on my way to grab a couple plates. When I returned to the table Loki was already stealing food from his container with his bare fingers, “What are you doing out so late?”

“I had business that required my attention. Nothing for you to worry yourself over, I assure you.”

“You could at least use some chopsticks. Stop being so savage.” I laughed, gathering a bit of rice to feed to him. 

His expression lit with intrigue, “So that is what those are for.”

My expression skewed in amusement, “Yeah, chopsticks are eating utensils you dodo. What did you think they were there for? Decoration?”

“I hadn’t the foggiest idea why I received a pair of sticks with my meal. I considered it yet another Midgardian custom I might never understand. Frankly I didn’t care enough to look into it.” Loki took them from me and tried to mimic what I had just done. Not surprisingly, he wasn’t very successful and he abandoned them in favor of the fork that I had given him. 

“Aww…don’t be discouraged babe. I’ll get you some kiddy chopsticks next time we go out.” 

“Don’t go out of your way.” He counted with that twinge of sarcasm that I never failed to provoke. After dinner Loki took a quick shower before snuggling in bed with me to watch a movie. Part of the way though, I felt him pressing his hips closer against my rear. This was Loki’s “silent persuasion” as I liked to call it. His gentle prodding was a careful test for acceptance when he wanted intimacy. 

After the way he’d dropped by with my favorite meal, I was in a way better mood than I had been all week, so I allowed it. I could only fight my desire to have him doting me with gentle kisses on tender places for so long. My mind cleared of every concern besides his lips moving over my throat or the way that it made my ladyparts clench when I pressed back against his firm manhood. As his advances became more passionate, I turned over so that I could feel his strong body against my own and take his kisses with ease.

As I lay beneath him, something jolted in me like a switch and just that suddenly I couldn’t stand the smell of his body wash. The spiced musky scent that I usually loved on him, mingled with the lingering aromas of our dinner and it **revolted** me. The stench drove me to shove him away while I grappled with the instantaneous nausea. I hadn’t meant for it to be such an abrupt, if not violent gesture but I had faith that he would thank me for not vomiting in his mouth. Not only would that be horrifically disgusting, but that was also a kind of embarrassment that I would never live down. “Could you please take a shower _right_ now?” I asked, holding my breath to keep the nausea at bay.

Had the situation not been so dire, I’m sure I’d have found his confused expression a lot funnier than I did right now. “No, I just took a shower not two hours ago—“

“Loki, I really don’t care. Take a shower or I will drag you by your hair into the kitchen and hose you down with the sink sprayer. Don’t test me tonight.” I snapped. 

“I don’t see the need for it—“

Swallowing back a bit of vomit that managed to fight its way up, I turned away from him. “Loki. I don’t have to argue with you. Do it or you can to leave. Get rid of whatever putrid body wash you’ve been using.” Loki wasn’t pleased, very far from it in fact. From his irritated expression, I imagine he was on the verge of throwing a few choice words at me for this. Instead of putting up any more of a fight, Loki climbed out of bed and stomped off into the bathroom. The second I heard the shower start; I bolted into the kitchen to purge my dinner for the second time tonight. After I puked up what felt like most of my vital organs, I found that ice water helped to settle my stomach. _At least it won’t taste like poison when you throw it up in an hour._

I knew for sure that he’d figured it out by now. As attuned to my body as Loki always seemed to be, I wondered why he hadn’t asked me about any of this yet. I didn’t want him to, however he had a consistent record of posing painfully direct questions when I was least expecting them. Perhaps he had figured it out and was just waiting for me to tell him. And once again that brought my mind back to my original dilemma. By the time I’d collected myself, Loki had finished with his shower and t this point neither of us were in a sexy mood. So we confined ourselves to our respective sides of the bed and went to sleep.

Fast forward to this evening and I’d just gotten in from work. We were on the sofa cuddling the way we usually did on a Tuesday night. Loki had remote custody for the next two hours. We’d agreed on a back and forth system to keep his complaining to a minimum, not that I was very interested in what was on the TV right now, hence the reason he’d gotten all of my turns so far. He had just turned to Ninja Warrior, which I found almost as mind numbing as he found rom-coms. Before this he’d been fixated on some history documentary series and before that it was cartoons. _He likes Wile E Coyote and the Roadrunner way too much._

I tried my best to stay engaged with the show, even though my persistently wondering. I nuzzled my face against his neck curling tighter on his lap. “I bet I could finish all the stages.” Loki mused. 

“I’m sure you’d love to try. You’d get to stage three and your noodle arms would get tired.” I teased. 

“I could finish the whole thing. Do you not believe in me?” He muttered, still half watching the challenger plunge into the water in failure. 

“Yes, I believe in you Loki. I also know that you’re cocky and for that you’d fail at the first stage for sure.” I joked, resting my hand against his chest. Loki’s heart beat beneath my palm, strong and hard. _Do you think his baby’s heart beats as strong as his? Maybe thiers will once they do a little more growing._ I bit my lip, fighting to keep my anxiety deep down in me so that he couldn’t see it. Loki could always sense when things were bothering me, so I had to try even harder to conceal them now. 

“I thought you liked it when I was cocky.” Loki countered, glancing down at me. 

I let myself smile at him, “No, I recall mentioning the words ‘I like’ and ‘your cock’ in some combination…just not that one.”

“I can show you both at once if you’d like.” Loki offered while lifting my chin to kiss me, testing my receptiveness to his advances. I didn’t stop him, returning his kiss while I landed beneath him on the sofa. His hungry pecks roamed from my lips trailing to the turn of my jaw then down my throat. Then he lingered over the tender space that never failed to illicit the deepest toe curling moans from me, lavishing it with licks and suckling at it until my fingers wove through his hair. 

My body wanted him, the throbbing in my sex told me as much. My breathing quickened turning into sighs and then I felt his hand slipping between my knees to part my legs to give him better access to my womanhood. There wasn’t very much to keep us apart, considering I was already dressed for bed in one of his t-shirts. When his fingers reached the top of my thighs my legs closed in protest, “Loki stop.” I managed to interject. He stopped touching me and waited for an explanation. There was genuine confusion in his eyes and I couldn’t stand to see him like this so lost and unsure of why I kept him at a distance or why I continued to push him away. 

“Have I done something to upset you?” Loki asked. He looked so desperate and it made my heart ache for him. I shook my head. _You just impregnated me. No big deal._

“No. I’m just not feeling up to it right now.” I answered. Loki looked away for a moment then back to me in the span of a few seconds. 

“Is it your cycle?” He asked tactfully. _Ha! If only. That’d solve all my problems._

“No.” 

“Ele, you can be honest with me—I _need_ you to be honest with me. There is something bothering you and it has been for some time now. You are entitled to keep private matters to yourself but forgive me for my concern.” Loki replied running his hand along my arm to comfort me. 

I nodded forcing myself to give him a reassuring smile, “Thanks for worrying about me. I shouldn’t lead you on like this.” I said scolding myself. 

A hint of frustration flit through his eyes, “Don’t worry about my satisfaction. Are you certain there’s nothing that I’ve done to hurt you?” Loki implored. 

“I’m absolutely sure Loki. I’m not upset with you about anything and you haven’t hurt me. I’m just…I don’t know…there’s a lot I’m working through right now.” I managed to explain as a surge of emotion rose in my chest. No matter how much I wanted to keep this to myself for a while longer, I felt that the truth was about to spill out of me. I didn’t want to tell him this way, not in an emotional explosion like what was about to happen. More than anything I was afraid of what he would say, so afraid that I couldn’t get myself to try at all. 

“Would it unburden you to share your concerns with me? Then perhaps we could work through them together.” Loki asked carefully. 

With a moment of hesitation I nodded. I _needed_ tell him but the fear of him washing his hands of us kept me quiet. I knew that my fear was irrational however it was also paralyzing. Somehow I managed to defy my self-imposed silence. “Loki I’m pr—“ My voice fell below a whisper before I could force anything more from my lips. I wasn’t sure how much he’d managed to hear before my panic had cut me off. 

“Say again?” After a moment of consideration, I decided to keep it this way. 

“I said I appreciate it but no…I don’t think it would help very much. ” I answered in a small voice, taking his hand. Loki didn’t look very convinced by that answer but he nodded anyway, bringing my knuckles to his lips for a gentle kiss. 

Instead of feeling comforted by his tenderness, everything Loki did smothered me. The weight of my silence already made it feel like I had a building on my chest but his concern hadn’t done anything to lessen that weight. This was all too much to handle with Loki crowding over me. I didn’t want to be an emotional wreck tonight, so I ran from my problems once again. “It’s getting late. I have be into work early in the morning.”

“Are you suggesting that we go to bed? It’s only eight thirty.” He asked, looking a bit confused.

I half nodded, “I’ll call you when I get off work tomorrow.” Now Loki finally understood and it seemed to catch him off guard. For as long as we had been together, I don’t think I ever asked him to leave before tonight. I’d hinted at it or threatened to in emotionally charged situations, though I’d never gotten to the point of actually kicking him out.

Loki sat up with some reluctance, glancing out the window at the pouring rain at the other side. “Are you certain that I haven’t done something to upset you?” 

“Yes, I am. I…I need some time to work through some things on my own. It’s not you, I promise. I just need some space for a few hours alone to think.” I said, stopping myself before I started to ramble. I moved off his lap so that he could gather his things. I hated myself for doing this and at the same time I was looking forward to the reprieve. He pulled on his hooded sweater and started searching for his shoes. All that he could find were a pair of flip-flops. I remember thinking about how underdressed he was for the walk back to his place, so I offered him my umbrella. He politely accepted but he didn’t seem any more eager to leave as I walked him to the door. “I’ll call you tomorrow, I promise.” I said hugging him. 

“I look forward to it.” Loki replied cradling me to his front. I pressed my face against his chest to inhale the natural scent of him that I was so fond of. When I looked up at him, there was an unsettling mixture of emotions in his eyes. There was a ton of worry and an unsettling amount of desperation. Despite his reluctance, he backpedaled into the hall. “Be safe please?” Loki nodded before taking a slow walk towards the stairs. Once he turned the corner at the bottom of the flight I closed the door. 

A hollow feeling began to expand in my chest now Loki wasn’t here. As much as I needed the space, I hated how it made me feel to put him out. I’d butchered tonight and every night this last week because I couldn’t say two little words. I needed to get my shit together, not just to work up the nerve to tell Loki he was going to be a father but regardless of what was going to happen between Loki and I, I couldn’t run from every problem I had. Soon I’d be responsible for another little person and I wouldn’t be the only one to suffer when I mishandled a situation. It was time to woman up and stop letting fear control me.

I turned off the tv and went back into the bedroom to crawl under the covers. Kat followed close by and leapt in bed beside me. I pulled her closer, wishing that I wasn’t so chicken shit. I had forced the first part out and abandoned the mission four syllables in. If I waited too much longer my belly would enter the room five minutes before the rest of me and I wouldn’t have to tell him anything. _You’re going to tell him tomorrow. You’re just going to say it and deal with the consequences. No more messing around._ Rather than stay awake and give myself the chance to change my mind, I tried to get some rest. 

A couple hours later my phone buzzed on the nightstand. My first instinct was to press snooze but even half asleep, I realized that the ringtone wasn’t the one I had assigned to my 6am alarm. Groggily, I reached over to my nightstand and looked at the bright screen. The number of the incoming call wasn’t one of my contacts, however judging by the area code I could tell that it was local. _Who the hell would call me at 2:47am?_ I don’t know what made me hit accept, but it was a good thing that I did. “Hello?” 

“Good morning ma’am. Sorry to bother you at this hour. Am I speaking with Eleanor Cayton?” some guy asked. 

I sat up in bed, jolted awake by the serious edge in his voice. “Yeah, who’s calling?”

“I’m Lieutenant Dawson with the Rogers County Police Department. Are you familiar with one Loki Laufeyson?” he asked. 

My pulse quickened, “I am. Is he alright?” 

“Yes ma’am, he’s alive and well. At the moment he is in our custody here at the station and has requested to speak with you. Will you accept the charges for this call?” 

“Put him on.”

I heard them in the background telling him that he had five minutes. “Ele?”

“Loki, what the hell have you done?” 

“I have been advised not discuss the specifics.” From the tone of his voice I could tell that he wasn’t alone. 

“Fine. You’re ok? You’re not hurt? You didn’t hurt anyone else anyone did you?” I asked. 

“Yes, I’m alright and no one else is hurt. Could you please come and have them release me?” He asked. 

“You mean you need me to post your bail?” The words sounded foreign to me and I was sure that this was another strange dream that I had yet to wake from. 

The line went quiet with his hesitation, “Yes.” 

“How much is it Loki?” I massaged the bridge of my nose. If it was too steep he was staying in there at least until the afternoon, maybe even into tomorrow until I could figure something out. 

“Thirty-five hundred.” He answered. _That’s everything that you have for this month’s rent and bills. What about putting money away for baby expenses? That crib isn’t going to buy itself._ Rationality would have me leave him in there for whatever he did. I couldn’t afford to give Loki everything that I had; instead I felt the tears of anger already brimming in my eyes. My anger wasn’t directed at him, the way it should have been. My anger was at myself for knowing I was about to go and get him out, even when it went against my better judgment. For all I knew he had earned his place in prison for whatever crime he’d just committed. _What if he’s innocent? Are you just going to leave him in there?_ “Hello?” 

“Give me an hour. Don’t say a word until I get you out of there.” I said hanging up. I climbed out of bed pulling on a pair of jeans and my hair into a messy bun. Kat watched me scurrying around the room, confused by my abnormal behavior. I was going to have to take her with me. There was no way in hell I couldn’t get away with her howling at this this time of night. Now that I was about to be another month behind on the rent, it was in my best interest not to add anything else to the list of reasons they had to evict me. 

The longer I thought about the position I was allowing Loki to force me in, the more furious I became. _Loki better have a fucking epic explanation for this._ I pulled on my sweater and slipped on my shoes. “Let’s go Kat.” I picked up my purse and hurried out of the door. Once I’d put her in the backseat, we headed to the ATM. “Keep watch for me ok?” I told her as I turned to the bright screen next to my window. After I withdrew the cash, we headed uptown to the precinct. I’m not going to lie and say that I knew exactly where it was; it wasn’t a place I ever needed to find until tonight. With the help of Google maps I managed to only get lost three times. After I parked, I rolled the windows down for Kat and I headed to the front doors. 

A shiver ran through me when I walked inside. It smelled like dust and bleach, a deeply unsettling combination that made my skin crawl. I never did like places like this very much. As I approached the window, my wet shoes squeaked across the tile, echoing in the quiet entryway. A cop sat at his computer, clacking away at the keyboard until the sound of my footsteps broke his concentration. When I stopped in front of him he looked up at me greeting me with a passively irritated expression. “Hi, I need to get someone out?” I said awkwardly. Without a word, he pointed to the doors to our left. _Don’t give me that look. I don’t post bail for people in my free time! Loki I’m going to kick your ass for making me do this._ “Thanks.” I followed the short hallway to find a woman at yet another desk. 

“Who are you here to see?” 

“Loki Laufeyson?“ 

She gave me an apologetic smile. “You must be Eleanor then.“ I felt my face flush with embarrassment, “He was vocal about reaching you.” I tried to laugh about this however it came out as more of a pained chuckle. 

“He told me thirty-five hundred.” I manage to say. 

“That’s correct. I’ll just take that and he’s all yours. Lord knows they’ll be glad to get give him to you.” I gave her the money and she took it into the office behind her. A while later she returned, “He should be out soon. You’re welcome to take a seat and wait over there.”

“Thanks.” At first I went to go take a seat but then I doubled back to her counter, “Could you by any chance tell me what he was brought in for?”

“Absolutely.” She looked down at her screen for a few seconds, “Unlawful entry and trespassing on private property. The homeowners have elected to press charges considering this is his third offence on their property. Overall this is his seventh offense of the same nature in the last three months. You’re fella’s a repeat squatter.“ She answered.

Now I was more confused than angry. None of this made any sense. Loki wasn’t a squatter. Why would he be trespassing? I couldn’t think of any reason he’d ever do that once let alone _seven_ times. “Thanks.” I took a seat near the door and waited to hear anyone coming down the hallway at the other side. Several times I got my hopes up just to see a stray officer sauntering out to talk with the lady at the desk. Every now and again she would give me a reassuring look, just to let me know that he would be out soon. After more than an hour, I finally heard a cluster of footfalls echoing behind the doors. 

In the time that it had taken for them to discharge him, my thoughts had had the chance to run away with me. Not only had I already had and won an augment with him in my mind, I was also angrier than I had been before. When I finally saw Loki I fought to keep this rage under control. The last thing I needed was to loose my cool and have them charge me for beating him to in their lobby. “You’re free to go. You will be notified of your date and time in court.” The officer informed him. I made sure to thank the woman at the desk for her kindness on our way out of the station. 

The whole way back to the car I remained quiet and even after we closed the doors I kept my anger under a tight lit. Loki wouldn’t look at me or question why I hadn’t started the engine. We were hit a stalemate, until I broke my silence. “What the hell is going on with you?” 

Loki wouldn’t answer, instead he stared out of his window and into the darkness beyond. “Answer me when I ask you a question.” I shouted. 

Loki didn’t turn to look at me right away. “I was taking shelter in an unoccupied residence. I didn’t know that doing so was against the law.” 

“Loki, the lady at the desk told me what you’ve done this **seven** times so you can’t blame ignorance anymore. The first time maybe but the last six times there is no excuse. Why have you been living in someone else’s house? Why did you break in there tonight?” 

“Why do you think?” 

“Don’t sass me! I ask you a question and I want an answer dammit. “ I yelled.

He sighed, “I’m not living in a hotel on and I don’t work anywhere. Outside of your generosity I have no home to speak of and yours is the first that I’ve had the fortune to dwell in in the past two years.” 

I had already determined for myself that he’d been displaced for a while but I had no idea that it had been for so long. “So is everything that I know about you is a lie? You’re an unemployed vagrant, that’s what you saying to me? Are you on the run for some other crimes? Is your name even Loki?” I asked fighting back my rage, though failing to keep it from mingling with tears. 

“My name really is Loki and I’m not a fugitive. I have only been trying to find a new start here with you—“ 

“By lying to me? Loki I just spent _all_ of my money to get you out of there. Now we’re both about to be homeless because you’ve been lying for five fucking months. Why did you do this? Why couldn’t you just tell me you had nowhere to stay from the beginning?” I shouted. Finally my composure waned as the tears began to fall against my will. 

“Ele I didn’t think you would have opened up to me if I’d have told you this from the start—“ 

“Do you think I’m that fucking shallow? Do you think so little of me that you believe I would treat you differently because of that?” I yelled, wiping away the tears that made it difficult for me to sound angry. 

“No. I didn’t want to risk becoming a burden to you.” Loki reached for my hand to comfort me. 

“Don’t touch me! I trusted you and you’ve lied to me this whole time. Now who’ll—” I clenched my eyes closed and even more tears spilled down my cheeks. _Now who’ll help me with this baby?_ Silence fell between us and I just wanted to go back to sleep to get away from everything that had happened tonight. _How am I going to get myself out of this hole that I just dug?_ I started the engine ending our conversation there before I lost what fragment of control I still managed to cleave to. Loki followed a few paces behind me the whole way up the stairs and through my apartment. 

I dropped my purse on the table and went to go into my bedroom. When I turned to stop him from following me any further, we almost collided. “Where do you think you’re going?” I asked watching him sharply. Loki didn’t speak, making sure to keep his demeanor submissive. “Liars and convicts sleep on the couch.” I shouted bitterly. With that he backed away from me, resigning to his night on the sofa. “Let’s go to bed Kat.” I commanded. She bounded past Loki in the doorway, excited to be the one allowed inside while he was forbidden to enter for once. 

I was angry with him for lying and angrier with myself for believing all of it. Pulling the covers higher under my chin, I felt my frown deepen. _How could he be homeless all this time?_ Everything that I thought I knew about him had been a blatant lie. _And after all of that, you still let him stay_. That thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I had let him stay. It wasn’t likely that anything would change between us now that I knew the truth. Loki had never allowed himself to become a burden before. He’d always been there for me even when he had nothing. Maybe it was all stolen, maybe it wasn’t. That didn’t change the selflessness that he’d always shown me. Now guilt began to make it’s presence known. I’d been keeping a secret of my own, for reasons not all that different from his. 

I hadn’t told Loki I was pregnant because I was afraid that he might leave me if I told him the truth. My reasoning was the same from his, except I hadn’t lied to him about it. _Omission isn’t all that different from lying y’know._ Even though still I wanted to be furious with him, I lost my passion for it. Yes, Loki lied to me and had gotten locked up for trespassing at three in the morning because I’d put him out in the cold and in the rain when he had nowhere to go. My emotions got the better of me as they did so often these days and I’d let loose whatever came to mind. Now guilt began to fester, until I felt even shittier than before. _You shouldn’t have shouted at him like that._

Loki had earned some of my hostility for prying me from my sleep at such an unholy hour yet I still had no reason to go off on him the way I had. Like bile an apology began to rise in my throat, fueling my guilt until it was the only thing I could focus on. Kat looked over at me, as if she were imploring me to me to get myself together before she slapped some sense into me. “I am completely out of my mind.” I whispered, more to myself that to her. Throwing aside the covers, I walked over to the dresser and dug through the top drawer until I found my spare keys. There was one to the front door, the mailbox and even a set to my car.

I’d romanticized this moment in my mind for so long that it was a bit of a let down that this was how it was finally happening. In a twist of irony, I had managed to get my wish. I hadn’t wanted this decision to be made as a result of my own desperation. I’d never imagined that it could be for his benefit. At least this was a choice that I was making for myself and it wasn’t something that was being forced on me. Besides, in the face of all the other changes I was about to confront, this was the one I feared the least of all.

I tightened my fist around the keys before taking the first hesitant step towards the door. With that small victory, I strode into the living room where Loki had folded his lanky frame onto the sofa. If I were in a better mood I would have laughed at how uncomfortable he looked right now. Ever the gentleman, Loki took his punishment with dignity and without complaint.

When I approached Loki watched me with a weary eye, a wise decision on his part considering the last time he’d seen me I was calling him a liar and a convict. My pride wouldn’t allow me to admit fault this soon after my outburst, so I tossed the keys at him and let that serve as my apology for now. Loki flinched out of the way, initially assuming that I’d meant to harm him. _Not a bad assumption given my earlier performance._ Then he briefly inspected the keys in the dim light. The instant he understood my offering, his expression was awash with surprise.

Rather than give Loki the opportunity to ask any questions, I headed back to the bedroom. Right before I shut the door, I paused and faced him one last time. “I’m pregnant.” With the truth out in the open for Loki to consider, I turned the lock and crawled back into our bed. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This is long overdue. The real world sucks. There are too many things to do and none of them are fun. I don't want to adult anymore. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter. Let me know what you think (or don't)? I'm really going to try to get the next chapter up soon, it's almost finished so editing shouldn't be too time consuming. Fingers crossed that nothing else comes up. I really really hope that it works out this time! If not...it'll be up eventually.


	30. Everything Happens for a Reason

I sprang after her, twisting the knob only to discover that she’d locked the door behind herself. “Ele! You can’t barricade yourself in this room after blurting something that significant.” There was no answer from the other side. Of all the times she could have chosen exercise her stubborn streak, Ele decided to ignore me right now. This woman had a penchant for testing my patience. The only other person that could push me to my limit this frequently was Thor. At least I had the luxury of calling it an accident when I bloodied him in the arena. Of course I would never harm her this way, even if she could be so vexing that I often had to fight the urge to shake reason into her. 

I leaned against the doorframe to collect myself before I said anything that would widen the rift between us. Ele never responded well to forceful demands, so I hastened to soften my approach. “Dove please let me in. I shouldn’t have raised my voice. You must know I never meant to hurt you.” My forehead landed against the door with a thud, “Just grant me a few minutes to explain. We should not leave this unresolved. You can do all the talking if that would make you happy. I’m willing to listen, so long as I can see your face.” Despite my pleading, I couldn’t coax her out of hiding. 

Another ten minutes passed before I accepted that Ele was not going to have a change of heart. This was how she wanted it. She wanted me to stew in this knowledge, much in the same way that she had this last week. After my initial shock began to fade, a brief period of elation followed. My seed had taken root in her womb. That was an accomplishment I had feared that we might never achieve. Despite our differing heritages, Ele had conceived a proper heir. I had never heard tell of a Jotunn and a Midgardian bearing a child together. That was not to say that it was impossible. There was a good chance that it was simply irrelevant to any of Asgard’s interests where the Jotunn or Midgardian races were concerned. 

Regardless of the sentiments many of the Aesir held towards Midgardians, they had intermingling with her people for millennia. While it was not a widely discussed practice, I was not the first to take a wife of this realm. However, it was probable that I had been the first to have the brides consent before to such a union. Ele was no spoil of war nor an exotic gift to be bartered for alliances. She had married for love, even if she had no recollection of doing so. 

One thing that wasn’t kept as quiet was that conception was often difficult under these circumstances. Some women could fall pregnant the instant their husbands bed them. Others had to put considerable time and effort into the task, though most were eventually cast aside in favor of younger maidens before an heir was ever produced. The fault never lay with the women. The very essence that granted the Aesir their longevity was to blame for this fertility challenge or perhaps it was in spite of it. 

Corralling my thoughts, I returned to my place on the chair and I began to reevaluate our situation. I had come to Midgard to find my wife and restore her memories. Instead I’d created more problems for her that I had solved. This time I had altered my own path as well. From the moment I set foot in her realm, I had no intentions of making this our home. This was to be the place we’d resided until I could free her memories of the incantation or until I was strong enough to transport us somewhere more suitable. With time my seidr would recover and then other realms would be within my reach once again. This had been my plan; right up to the moment she announced that she was with child. 

Even if I somehow managed to conjure the necessary dark magics to transport us to another realm, I would not risk ferrying her between the worlds while she was in this condition. The dark energies required for such a journey could take a toll on the most able bodied person. I was not about to risk the life of my pregnant wife or our growing child just for a change of scenery. We were effectively bound to this pathetic realm until the Midgardians developed their own bifrost, until Thor saw fit to summon us back to Asgard, or until my heir had matured beyond a fragile stage of life. I was not particularly enthusiastic about either option. 

This realization awakened a host of new concerns. Midgard was not the ideal setting for us to start a family. I had no doubt that my descendants would reflect my heritage, even if I myself did not. I lacked the strength to weave the incantations that would conceal the blue shade of their skin or the segils that would decorate their body. If Ele did not regain her memories before she gave birth, I only hoped the shock of delivering a large, blue, red-eyes baby would not have her reject her own child. That is if it didn’t kill her in the process. With time I had faith that Ele would come to accept our hybrid however I already knew that there was no place in this realm for any offspring that I could sire. My primary duty as a father was to protect my family from the dangers of this world, the dangers that being Jotun would bring upon them and I was incapable of doing that. _What sort of a father did you ever think you could be if you’re already failing as a husband?_

That thought wounded me and I understood just how alone Ele must have felt. She had grappled with all of this in solitude and I wished that she had given me the chance to comfort her. Then at least I could have been of some use. Instead I had forced my advances on her like a fool, complicating an already difficult predicament. No matter how much I wished that I could break through that door to apologize, it would only worsen the situation. I had to respect the distance Ele had forced between us, even if I needed her as much as she had needed me. 

These troubled thoughts followed me into my sleep until the stiffness in my neck woke me hours later. What little rest I had managed to get was undermined by the soreness that folding myself onto this sofa had inspired. So much had escaped my control in the course of a single night. I had believed that I understood Ele better than anyone, yet I had misread all of the changes in her behavior. When she began to reject my advances, I feared that she was planning to end our courtship and that had blinded me to the true nature of her actions. 

I decided that it was time for me to abandon the passive approach that I had been taking since she had allowed me into her life. At the beginning, Ele bucked at any potential threat to her independence and to a lesser extent she still did. I’d had no choice but to allow her this freedom. While she struggled to do everything on her own, I could do little more than watch. It never had to be that way, except that was how she preferred it. Now I was determined to provide some stability in her life, regardless of how much she protested. At the very least Ele would know that she could rely on me in the months to come. 

By my estimate it was late morning and our dwelling was uncomfortably silent. I thought to get up and fix some breakfast for myself before I went to barter the remaining valuables I still had in my possession. At that point I would have the money I needed to take a trip to the grocery store. It upset me to see Ele go without proper nourishment. Short of force-feeding her, there was nothing I could do. Now that she was pregnant, her days of rationing were about to come to an abrupt end because she was not about to starve that baby to pacify her pride. Ele could throw as many temper tantrums as she pleased but all of her complaints would fall on deaf ears. 

Those errands alone would not take all day. I would probably finish shopping before midday, so I considered visiting her office during her lunch break. There was no way to predict if Ele would still upset with me. On the off chance that she was still angry, that gesture of kindness could be enough for me to worm my way back into her good graces. I had learned a long time ago that it was always best to err on the side of caution whenever Ele’s temperament was in question. 

I checked my phone for any messages from Ele and I found none, which was not a surprise. Instead of leaving well enough alone, I found myself sending her a text. Ele loved it when I shared a few loving words first thing in the morning. Not long after, I heard her phone vibrate on the kitchen table. Her purse sat exactly where she’d left it last night after we’d come back from the police station. I felt my brow knit in confusion. She should have left for work two hours ago and she never went anywhere without her purse. We needed the money and regardless of the current situation it was unlike Ele to miss a day of work. 

Before I could speculate any further, Kat scratched at the bedroom door until she was able to push it open. Once she could squeeze through the gap, Kat pranced over to me. When I went to pet her, she nipped my hand. The beast hadn’t bitten hard enough to draw blood however it took immense restraint not to hit her out of reflex. Rather than retreat Kat climbed on the sofa beside me, barking in agitation. “Do you need to go out?” I was aware Kat couldn’t verbally respond; however this dull creature was capable of comprehending simple questions. 

Instead of going to stand by the front door the way she did whenever Ele asked that question, Kat ran back to the bedroom and waited for me to follow her. Now her barks come as sharp commands. This behavior was very out of character for her because I knew that she wasn’t aggressive. Then all at once I felt Ele’s fear overcome me. It spread through my veins like venom before settling into my chest where it bloomed into a desperate panic. I felt it as strongly as if it were native to my own emotions. Without hesitation I got to my feet and strode into the bedroom. 

I found Ele still in bed. She wasn’t asleep and the closer I got the more I saw the pain in her expression. “Ele?” I called to her. I didn’t wait for her to respond before I hurried to her side. Then the iron-tinged scent of blood assaulted my senses. I turned back the covers far enough to see that she was lying in a pool of red. My heart dropped, and I touched her cheek in an effort to bring her comfort. “Dove, look at me?” I asked her. Disregarding of the mess that stained her sheets, I lay beside her. Ele looked up at me, those big brown full of tears. They weren’t all from the pain. I discerned sadness and embarrassment as well. 

I moved closer so that she could rest against me. At first Ele resisted and then she finally allowed herself to lean into my embrace. I gathered her hand in mine, all the while wishing that I had the strength to ease her pain. Ele curled tighter onto herself, clenching the sheets in misery. Despite the effect I knew it would have on me, I no longer hesitated to pour the remainder of my energy into the strongest spell I could conjure. To have yet another incantation draining what little seidr I still possessed weakened me to the point where lying by her side was all I had the ability to do.

Soon Ele began to settle, drawing tighter into my embrace. I stroked her cheek in the hopes that the gesture would coax her to open up to me after last night. If not to bridge the distance that had come between us then to protect her from herself. I couldn’t allow her to seek attention from the Midgardian healers, lest they find something that would cause suspicion. So long as her condition didn’t become life threatening, I alone would ensure that she made a full recovery. 

For a long while, Ele lay silently in my arms. “I don’t think I am pregnant anymore.” She finally whispered. Her voice had become so small that I almost hadn’t heard her. Then I felt the weight of self-loathing growing from deep within me. I had done this to her. Perhaps we weren’t compatible after all. While it was possible for her to conceive my child there was the change that she’d never be able to carry a Jotunn offspring to term. Perhaps it was her immortality that had further complicated this. After all, her biology was altered with the same properties as the Aesir. Perhaps the host of complications that plagued their people now applied to her as well. 

My heart grew heavy thinking of what must have been going through her head at the moment. With what little memory Ele had retained, she would feel this ache as keenly as I did, even if she didn’t fully understand its origins. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were with child prior to last night?” I asked with as much gentleness as I could. My intention was not to upset her, I simply couldn’t stand not knowing why she hadn’t confided in me. Ele looked up at me, and her eyes glistening with tears. 

“I was afraid you’d leave me if I told—“ 

“Why would you think that!?” I was appalled at the mere suggestion of abandoning my wife and unborn child. _How could she think I would cast her aside like a common whore?_ After everything that I went through to return to her—as much I still loved her, I was not about to walk away from my family. My vows rang as clearly in my ears as they did they day I’d made them. _She still doesn’t remember._ The realization stabbed at the raw nerve that still ached each time she looked at me as though it were for the first time. I sighed, fighting to get myself errant emotions under control. I hadn’t intended to shout at her but the damage was already done. 

When Ele looked up at me she was shaken and a torrent of tears slid free. “Because…I haven’t known you all that long. I didn’t want to assume you’d be…be interested in…I was scared you would leave me here alone. I didn’t want you to leave us.” She stammered pitifully. _Perfect. Yell at her again you imbecile!_

“I could never walk away from you Ele. Especially not if you were carrying my child.” 

“I’m sorry —“

“Don’t apologize to me for anything. None of this is your fault, not for mistrusting of me or for what is happening right now—“

“Don’t. Please, just don’t.” She said quickly. So I held my tongue and waited for her to speak again. “I wish I felt sad. I just feel relieved…and then guilty at the same time for not being more unhappy. So many people want this more than anything and I couldn’t have wanted anything less. We’re not exactly in the best position to have a kid on the way.” 

“How long had you known?” I asked her. 

She shrugged, “A little more than a week. I was late and I thought that it was stress since there hasn’t been a shortage of that. Then three days turned to seven, then eleven, and I figured I’d needed to take a test and so I did…three actually. They were all positive. Then I didn’t know what to do because I was scared. We’ve only been together for what…five months? Then I found out about your whole situation and everything that happened last night. We live in this cramped one bedroom apartment. What would we have done, put a crib in the closet? It wouldn’t even fit if we tried! I just couldn’t see how that could turn out well for any of us.” She whispered as more tears streamed down her cheeks. 

“I would have provided for you. I would have done _anything_ you.” I said sternly, wiping away the fresh wetness on her cheek. She believed I was capable of turning my back on my family. That dagger pierced my heart in a way I was no longer accustomed to.

“Well that’s good to know. I think it’s better this way. It just wasn’t supposed to happen, so there’s no use in getting upset about something we can’t change. Frankly, I don’t want to and you can think whatever you want about me for it. We need to just to move on.” She whispered. Ele was trying to convince her self of this, I could hear it in her voice. She’d grown fond of the idea of becoming a mother and now she wanted to pretend that she hadn’t or that I couldn’t see that how deeply this loss was affecting her.

“I don’t think any less of you.” I answered, running my hand up her back in a feeble attempt to comfort her. 

“How can you not? I should have been excited that we’d created a life. At the very least I should be good at. It’s not like I had to try very hard to get it right! I should have wanted this. ” Her voice was brittle, as though she might dissolve into heart wrenching sobs. 

“I’d rather you be honest with yourself even if you aren’t always honest with me. If that’s how you feel you then what I think matters very little. Know that I still love you regardless. I would never want to force you into a situation in where you would not be happy. You didn’t have to withhold this from me…there’s nothing that you could ever say that could make me choose to abandon you. I would have done _whatever_ was necessary to support you and our child.” I declared. 

Ele nodded, resting her head against my chest, “If I’d known that you had nowhere to go last night I never would have put you out. I guess this is what happens when we keep secrets from each other.” She whispered. 

“That’s for me to worry about. I don’t want you to blame yourself.” Ele allowed me to comfort her. At least I still had the chance to be a strong husband for her.

* * *

I had accepted my fate. Despite all of my bellyaching over whether or not Loki would be there for us, I’d made peace with the outcome. I was supposed to be having his baby. I had allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to hold my son or daughter. I’d wondered who’s eyes they might have or if they would turn out to be a leftie like me. That was something I never thought I could do. Before last week I had always sidestepped the hell out of anything that even came close to a thought of motherhood. I wasn’t one of those women with baby fever. I didn’t find tiny booties adorable and I **never** felt the urge to cuddle an infant whenever I saw one. But after living with the idea of having my own baby for so many days, it didn’t seem all that unwelcome anymore. 

I wasn’t going to pretend that I was excited about the timing. At this point in my life I was _not_ ready for a kid, but I _had_ started to like the idea of having one anyway. I’d started to believe that maybe my life really didn’t end once I became a mother; it was just the beginning of something bigger than myself. In the not so distant future I could see myself wanting, if not intentionally trying to conceive again. I was only ever worried about Loki wanting to be involved. There was never a second where I wished that he hadn’t been the one to knock me up. 

The days that followed had been the hardest for me and not just because of what had happened. A dramatic dynamic shift swept through our little household. Overnight we’d plunged into the deep end of our relationship. Now that Loki lived here I couldn’t to ask him to leave anymore. Thus far I felt that I was adjusting to the changes as best as I could’ve given the circumstances. It was confusing because I needed Loki there with me as much as I needed space. To his credit he made himself scarce from time to time. He would confine himself to the living room for a couple hours or go out to run a few errands. Whenever Loki did leave, he made sure to tell me exactly what time he would be back. I guess he didn’t want me to think that he’d never come home. _I don’t think that anymore._

Loki had been gentle with me. Every night he held me until I fell asleep or while I cried, and he made sure that I was never in a lot of pain. We didn’t talk very much about what happened mostly because I was lost in the distance reaches of my mind. The rest of the time I spent sleeping or in silence. 

I’d spent the last three days lying in bed, so today I pulled myself together enough to head to the clinic. I didn’t tell Loki where I was going because I knew he’d insist that he accompany me. It was hard enough for me to convince myself to go with my ‘oddities.’ The last thing I needed was to have him there. It’d only give me another excuse to be weepy. I just wanted to get it over with, without getting any more of my emotions involved. Their findings only confirmed what I’d known to be true. I’d made sure that they never drew blood or anything but I was still nervous that they would find something suspicious. While I was there I’d gotten another prescription for my usual method of birth control, something I should have had the good sense to do months ago. 

I pulled my hood over my head to keep the misty rain at bay as I walked back home. I couldn’t take another day off this week so tomorrow it was back business as usual. I arrived at my building and made my way into the elevator. When I got upstairs I could smell food cooking. It wasn’t unusual for the neighbors to make me jealous however I was shocked to discover that the delicious scents were coming from my apartment. When I came inside Kat greeted me at the door and I was surprised to find Loki working in the kitchen. 

I only gave him a passing glance as I headed to the bedroom. On the way, I noticed that his place on the sofa was neat and tidy. It had gone untouched for days, just like the dishes and plates that had clutter the coffee table before I’d left. When I got back to the bedroom, I noticed he’d cleaned up in here as well. Our bed was freshly made and the laundry basket was empty. At this point I was starting to get a bit suspicious because Loki never helped out this much. He was no stranger to pitching in every now and again, though I never expected him to go all "househusband" on me. I didn’t have the energy to explore his reasoning; especially not when I still had to walk Kat. Given his preoccupation, I couldn’t ask him to take her for me. So with no other choice, I stepped into my shoes and went to get this outing over with. 

“Where are you off to?” Loki called to me as I passed through the kitchen. 

“To take Kat out.” I answered quietly. 

“I already did that half an hour ago.” Loki replied. I went to question him but I could only manage to look surprised. Loki gave me a gentle smile. Then I heard the washer going behind me and I turned to see cloths tumbling in the dryer. “Dinner is almost ready. I want you to get comfortable.” He prompted. I said nothing else and went to the fridge to get a drink only to find it stocked with food. _I haven’t seen that many groceries in my fridge…ever._ Loki didn’t turn around, yet I could tell that he was paying close attention. I pulled open the freezer and found that that too was stocked full of food. Now I was truely at a loss for words.

There was something comforting in being waited on like this. For some reason my instincts wanted me to be standoffish towards Loki. I wasn’t angry with him about the other night anymore but I still kept my distance for some reason. _No, you aren’t going to do this again._ I forced myself to push through my hesitation and I wrapped my arms around his middle to hug him from behind. Loki stilled, then place his hand over mine, “I’m about to fix your plate. Go sit.” I backed away and took my place at the table. Just like he’d promised he put my food in front of me a short while later. 

When Loki sat down at his place he also brought over our drinks. Truth be told, I was getting sick of pink lemonade. Loki was just so fascinated by powdered that we’d had a new flavor with every meal. His favorite was pink lemonade. As long he was happy, I wasn’t about to burst his bubble. The silence between us grew heavy and I knew that Loki wasn’t about to break it. “Pink lemonade doesn’t come from pink lemons.” I said quietly as I looked down at my food. 

“Then where does it come from?” Loki asked me. 

“Check the back of the box. It’s probably red dye number whatever.” 

“So why tell me that there was such a thing as a pink lemon?” 

“I was fucking with you. You’ll believe anything sometimes. It’s hard to not have a little harmless fun at your expense from time to time.” I chuckled. 

Loki smirked, “Of course. Is there anything else you’d like to reveal?” 

“Nothing that I’m willing to give up on yet.” I answered with sight smile. I pushed my food around on my plate for a little while, taking a few bites here and there. “Why’d you do all of this?” I asked finally. 

“I thought I should make myself useful to you. It’s the least I could do for your generosity…given what you’ve just been through.” Loki answered. _**Going** through._

“Where did you get the money for all that stuff in the fridge?” 

“I didn’t rob anyone if that is what you are thinking.” He added, reluctant to answer my question. 

“I didn’t say you did. There’s just a lot that doesn’t make sense to me. If what you say is true about you being out on the street for so long, where do you get money? The other night you needed me to bail you out but there have been a few times when you just show up with huge wads of cash. That’s not normal and it can’t be legal.” I said with a perplexed expression. 

“I have been a vagrant for most of my time here. I could have found a permanent residence except I never stayed in one place long enough to warrant it. After I found you, only then did it become an issue. As for the money…I told you that I antique. That is not entirely accurate. I sell various items of value that I brought with me from my homeland. It wasn’t that I didn’t have the money; I just didn’t have it with me at the time I was apprehended. I assure you I can reimburse you for every dollar you spent on my behalf.” Loki explained. 

“And how long until that runs out Loki? What do you plan to do then? That’s not going to last forever.” I said turning to him. 

“I had planned on finding employment soon. I figured since I’m not going anywhere for the foreseeable future, I needed get a job” Loki answered. 

I scoffed, “Unless someone is willing to risk hefty legal repercussion, no one is going to hire you unless you have some kind of documentation. You do have something don’t you? Yeah, there are ways to get paid under the table but you need to know people for that to work and _I don’t_ know people around here.” I said. 

“Documentation?” Loki asked with a perplexed expression. 

I sighed massaging my temple, “It’s like you just dropped out of the sky or something. You can’t just show up and throw in a couple applications and hope for the best. There’s a bunch of red tape to be legally allowed to work here—to live here even. Look I need you to be honest with me…do you have any kind of visa what so ever?” Loki shook his head. _Of course you don’t._

“How difficult does that make things?” he asked. 

“Very, to say the least. It’s a good thing we’re in such a small town or you’d still be behind bars. If they figure this out before your court date…it’s not going to end well.” I sighed before massaging my temple. “We can figure this out. I know someone that might be able to help us.” 

“Who?” 

“My aunt, well her husband actually. He’s got some political clout down here so he should have a few connections. I might be able to ask for a favor. It won’t be easy but as long as my Aunt stays out of the way, I _think_ he’ll help us.”

“The two of you don’t get along?” He inquired. _That’s an understatement._

“She’s convinced that I dropped out of school and got hooked on drugs. She tried to talk my mother into having me put away for a lot longer than the months that I spent there. Right before I moved down here, we had a bit of a falling out at Thanksgiving. She accused me, of being a crackwhore in front of everyone and relentlessly tried to get me to admit that it was true. I was a mess, the rest of the family was fighting with her to stop attacking me. I was already thinking about leaving but that was the last straw.” 

“I wont have you groveling to that woman—“

“What choice do you have? Her husband can help you get what you need. I can put up with my aunt long enough for him to make this whole thing disappear. That should buy us some time to get your situation figured out. I’m not above begging for what I need Loki, not when it’s this important.” 

“I appreciate you considering my burdens your own but they aren’t.” Loki said quietly. 

“This is one of those ‘we things’ you talk about. Remember? I’m not going to let you live on the street or get shipped back to Asgard when I know that I can do something to help. I don’t have much to offer you but…what’s mine is yours.” I answered. It wasn’t just that I wanted him to be better off; I just couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving for any reason. I would do whatever I had to do keep him by my side. 

Loki’s hand found mine and I gave it a gentle squeeze. “And what’s mine is yours.” He replied. I looked back at him and tightened my grasp. 

“I should have told you sooner—“ 

“We could go back and forth about what we each should have confessed to make this all easier but that will only serve to prolong the wounds. It’s done. I only want to look forward and swear on my honor that I will be worthy of your affections.” 

“You’re already worthy Loki. I just wish I had let myself trust you. Then I wouldn’t have been so afraid and I could have enjoyed it for a minute.” 

“You had every reason to be afraid Ele. After everything that I’ve done to find you, I would never walk out of your life, not unless you will it.” Loki told me. _I’d never will that._

“Just promise me that we’ll be more careful? I don’t want there to be anymore surprises.” 

“You have my word.” I wasn’t going to tell him right away that I was making double sure because I didn’t want him to shirk his duties. With that I let this line of conversation end. I didn’t want to focus on the sad anymore. We needed to move on and look to the future like he said. 

“I’m going back to work tomorrow. What do you plan on doing with your day?”

Loki shrugged, “I’ll take care of things here. If you have any errands that you’d like me to complete in your absence, I’d be more than willing to oblige.” 

“You already did groceries and laundry. I can’t think of anything else I could ask you to do.” 

“You mentioned that Kat needed to be taken to the groomers. I could see to it that that gets done and while she’s there I could vacuum without her pissing on the floor.” Loki mentioned as he looked back down at his food. 

I laughed for the first time in ages, “If that is what you want to spend your day doing I’m not going to stop you.” My phone rang in the bedroom. There was only one other person besides Loki that would call me. I knew that she would ask more questions the longer I avoided her, so it was better for me in the long run to just answer the phone. I left the table and hurried back into the bedroom. “Hello?”

“It’s good to hear from you Nori.” Mom said in a relieved tone. 

“Same. What’s up?”

“Were you in the middle of something?” She asked. 

“Not really…Loki and I were just eating dinner.”

“You don’t sound like yourself. Is everything all right? I called the other day and you didn’t answer. BUT…I didn’t overreact this time, I waited the that way you asked.” She hastened to add. 

“Thanks for that. I’m fine, I’ve just been under the weather for the least few days. I’m still kind of loopy from the cold medicine. Loki’s been taking good care of me.” 

“Oh isn’t that sweet of him. How is everything with you two? Good, I hope.” 

“Nothing to worry about there.” I replied. 

“That’s wonderful sweetie. I didn’t mean to interrupt your meal so I’ll keep this brief. I called to ask if you could make it home for the holidays this year. Everyone asked about you the other night at your Auntie Linda’s. I just told them you might not be able to get a lot of time off this year because of the new job. I thought I would ask you anyway because your brother and I haven’t seen you in ages.“ 

“Its funny you should call about that actually. Loki and I were just tossing around ideas about what we were going to do. I’ll try to make it up there for a couple days this year.” Even if I didn’t want to go home, I did need favors to help Loki. At the very least having him make a good impression on the family would help his case. 

“Really? That’s wonderful! Bring Loki along. I’m sure that everyone will be excited to meet him.”

“Sounds like a good idea. I’ll have to see what he says before I can give you a concrete answer.“ I told her. 

“Ok. Well I hope you feel better sweetheart. Call me again when you get the chance.” She stated. 

“Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.” After we said our goodbyes, I hung up and meandered back to the table to rejoin Loki. Kat was sitting at his feet now, keeping a close watch over us. 

“What are you going to talk to me about?” Loki asked curiously.

I shot him a jesting look, “How do you feel about coming home with me in two weeks?” 

“I’d be delighted.” This was a dream come true for him. He was finally coming to meet my family and there was nothing he liked more than to be shown off like a glittering prize. In some ways I guess that wasn’t so bad. My mother had already met him, even if it wasn’t under the greatest circumstances and Loki had met her approval. That was already half of the battle. 

“It’s going to be a long drive and we’ll have to go shopping before we head up there. It’s probably going to be snowing and I don’t have any warm cloths. I’m going to assume that you don’t either.” I mused quietly. 

“You would be correct. All of my possessions are already here.” Loki mentioned. 

“Aren’t you worried that it will be organized torture?” I asked with a chuckle. Suddenly I was nervous about the way they all might receive him. My family was pretty homogenous group and Loki was going to stand out for a few reasons outside than his accent. They would accept him, simply because I loved him, however that had absolutely nothing to do with the awkward silences that were sure to come our way at first.

“I’ve sat through more torturous gatherings and family affairs than you can imagine. A few days with your family will not be difficult. Who knows, I may even enjoy myself.” 

His confidence worried me. Rather than discourage him I forced another careful smile. “I’m sure you will.” _What have you gotten yourself into?_

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Sorry this took so long. This was originally supposed to be two separate chapters and I absolutely hated what they turned into so I rewrote them a few times until I decided that they ought to be one chapter. Hopefully it turned out ok, I honestly just got sick of fussing with it. Next chapter should be up sooner! I promise it will be a hell of a lot happier because this funk has lingered for far too long. There will be fun, a little awkwardness and lighthearted stuff too. Thank you so much for being patient! 
> 
> Let me know what you think. I'm sure you're full of opinions at this point. :)


	31. Home for the Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and **smut**

“Are you sure that you locked all the windows last night?” I corralled Kat into the back seat while Loki stuffed our suitcase into the trunk. 

“Yes. And before you ask about the lights for the third time, I turned them all off.”

“I wasn’t going to ask about the lights again smarty-pants. I was making sure you went to the bathroom. I’m not stopping this car every ten miles because you forgot to drain the hose.”

“Why must you use such vulgar euphemisms? Yes, I relieved myself.” Loki snapped. _It’s way too early in the morning for your sass mister._ Getting into an argument right now was not going to make this miserable voyage any easier. I held out my hand, demanding my coffee without words. That only served to irritate him more, not that I cared. After a few sips, we were on our way. It was 3am and we a 20-hour drive ahead of ahead of us, a fact that Loki was well aware of when he decided to stay up all night. 

Just nine hours later and I was already wishing that Loki could have a turn behind the wheel. Getting him a permit was the first thing on my to-do list once we got his situation straightened out. Instead of staying awake to play punch-car with me, Loki decided to sleep a few hours. The only up side was that it put him in a better mood. The same couldn’t be said for Kat. She wasn’t very happy about being cooped up in the backseat for so long and after a while she began to put up a fight whenever we brought her back to the car following her potty breaks. Besides those minor hang ups it was smooth sailing until we hit a patch of traffic just outside of New York. It was all down hill from there. Soon, no matter how much coffee I chugged I was fighting to stay awake. 

“I could take the wheel for a little while.” Loki offered.

“Not a chance. I’d love it if you would talk to me though. It would help keep me from dozing off.” I answered with a tired smile. 

“How much farther do we have to travel?”

“Another hour? Maybe two if the roads get messy.” We’d turned on the radio a little while ago and they had been talking about the snowstorm that was blowing in from Canada. They weren’t forecasting any significant accumulation tonight but it was definitely going to slow us down to a crawl on the back roads. That was the reason I decided to come a day early.

“Do you like the snow?” Loki asked me. 

“It’s ok. I’ve seen more than enough of it in my time. This will be the first time Kat will get to see any though. I’m sure she will love it. You had snow in Asgard didn’t you?”

“We did. Heavy winter storms aren’t uncommon. Though I imagine it is nothing compared to Jotunheim.” 

“Where’s that? I’ve never heard you talk about that place before.”

Loki seemed a bit reluctant to tell me more. I suspected that he probably hadn’t meant to mention that out loud. Now I was even more determined to pry as much information as I could from him. “That’s where I was born…the realm of the frost giants.” Loki finally answered.

I chuckled, “It sounds cold there.” 

“Allow me to congratulate you on your novel observation—“

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be a smart ass Loki. Have you ever been back there?”

He shrugged, “I only returned once, many years after I was taken. It was unpleasant.”

“I think you might’ve liked it if you had been raised there.”

“Used to it perhaps. I would not have liked it.” Loki corrected. His voice carried an almost bitter tone, one that I didn’t quite understand.

“Ok, used to it—“ Without warning the engine sputtered and I felt my car begin to slow down. “No!” The clanking noise that I’d ignored for months turned into a loud banging until something gave way in a startling explosion. I had just enough time to steer us towards the side of the road before dark clouds of smoke began to seep from under the hood. Once I was parked, Loki helped me get Kat out of the car while I snatched anything of value to. I was certain that it was about to catch on fire but for once luck was on our side and there were no flames.

Now we were standing on the side of a secluded back road, in the middle of a snowstorm. I watched my only mode of transportation go up in smoke in a daze. _Can you’re luck get any better?_ It didn’t take long for me to start shivering. I should have been worried about how I was going to afford another car or how the hell we were going to get home tonight. Instead I was already freaking out about having to fly back down to Georgia in a week. On the bright side, Kat was having the time of her life in the snowdrifts. 

“I think you should call someone to come get us.” Loki finally suggested. My mother had warned me that my car wouldn’t survive the round trip. I knew that she was right all along; I was just too afraid to fly. Now my car was totaled. I didn’t need to be a mechanic to know that much. As if that wasn’t enough, we were stranded about fifty miles from the house. Cursing under my breath I pulled my phone out of my purse and dialed Scott’s number. It rang a few times before he answered and I could hear our mother talking in the background. “What is it?” 

“Hi to you too Scott. Come get us. My car broke down. Don’t tell mom she was right.”

“My silence is going to cost you.”

“Scott I would love to haggle with you but it’s freezing out here.”

I could hear him moving somewhere quieter. “If you’re more than thirty minutes away you better start walking now.” 

“We’re just outside of the county limits. I’ll send you our location.”

I heard him sigh, “Alright, I’ll be there.”

“Thanks—“ Without another word, he hung up on me. I felt Loki draping my coat over my shoulders. “Scott’s coming to pick us up. From the sound of it Mom, James and Nana are at our house right now. I’m going to warn you about Nana. She will insist that we save ourselves for marriage, so it’s best that she not know that we’re sharing my bed this week. Nana is old fashioned. I don’t want to give her any reason to believe that we’ve dabbled in premarital relations.”

“We’ve done more than dabble.” Loki snickered. 

“Don’t screw around Loki. At least try not to kill an old lady? I want her to like you or at least the idea of you.”

Loki kissed my cheek and pulled the front of my coat together to fasten the buttons for me. “Calm down. I won’t kill her.” The snow started to come down harder and the wind whisked away what warmth I had managed to generate. Kat dug herself a neat little hole in the snow for shelter and Loki didn’t even seem fazed by the arctic conditions. I was the only one about to freeze to death. “Would you like my coat as well?” 

I shook my head vehemently. “No, don’t be silly.”

“I won’t have you falling ill. I’ll be fine.“ Loki insisted. Before I could argue with him, he placed his coat over mine and pulled the furred hood over my head. 

“Are you crazy? You’ll freeze out here—“

“That would be a first. I have never heard of a Jotunn freezing to death.” 

“Don’t be the first then.”

“That _would_ be embarrassing, wouldn’t it?” Loki laughed. I shook my head and looked down the road for Scott’s car. After a while I couldn’t feel my fingers anymore and I desperately needed to get out of the cold. Without a word, Loki took my hands between his to share his warmth. _How is he not frozen solid yet?_

It was another hour before we saw Scott’s headlights came around the bend. I walked closer to the road to meet him. My brother rolled down his window and gave Loki a skeptical once over. “There ain’t no way in hell I’d ever given her my coat. Did she steal it from you? That wouldn’t surprise me. Don’t let her bully you.” 

“Nice to see you too Scott.” I said dryly, going over to the car to let Kat climb in. 

“Hey! Dog. In. Trunk. I just got the interior detailed.” Scott shouted. I rolled my eyes and lead her to the back hatch. _I am not in the mood for this today._ At the same time I heard my brother get out of the car out help Loki with our things, “Did you leave anything else in the junker?”

“No, it’s just the one suitcase there.” I explained, watching as Loki brought it over to put in the back with Kat. 

“Traveling together are we? Nana is going to _love_ this.” Scott laughed. 

“Nana isn’t going to know about this Scott—“

He turned to Loki, “Ignore her, we all do. Loki isn’t it? I’ve heard all about you.” Scott offered his hand, entirely cutting me out of the conversation. 

“Good things I hope.” Loki mentioned, putting on one of his charming smiles.

“More or less…I still haven’t decided if I like you yet—“ 

“Scotty!”

“What? I’m just letting him know that my mind isn’t made up. I take first impressions very seriously—“ 

I stepped between them under the guise of returning Loki’s coat. “Scott would you give it a rest?” I interrupted. As sleep deprived as we both were, it was not in Scott’s best interest to irritate Loki right now. “Let’s go home, ok?” Thankfully Scott didn’t say anything else and we piled into the car. I took the passengers seat while Loki climbed in the back. Once we got on the road Scott turned his music up again. I reached over to turn down the volume and he slapped my hand away. 

“You can walk from here. Touch my radio again Nori, I dare you.”

“I don’t want to hear about ‘big booty bitches’—“ I tried to turn down the radio again and ended up switching the station when he swatted my hand again. Scott slammed on the brakes and unlocked the doors.

“See you when you get to the house.”

“Scott seriously? Can we just go home? I’ve been up all day and I’m exhausted. Don’t make me call mom. You wanna deal with her shit tonight?” Dealing with mom was bad enough when it was just her. Add Nana to the mix and it was enough to drive anyone insane. Scott knew I was right, so without another word of protest we were on our way once again. “I didn’t think you did.”

“Nana is your mother’s mother correct?” Loki asked. 

“Yep. Don’t let that sweet old lady act fool you. She will backhand you.” Scott replied. 

“You would know.” I muttered under my breath.

“You got it more than I did growing up because you never knew when to shut your mouth.”

“That’s only part true. You’d always start something then I’d try to explain myself and she’d start smacking. It was always your fault.” I hastened to add. 

Scott laughed, “I know, and you fell for it every time.”

“You’re the eldest?” Loki asked me. 

I nodded, “Is that so surprising?” 

Before Loki could answer Scott laughed, “You’re age is starting to show. Look at all those grey hairs Nori. How many are there now? Pretty soon you’ll be as grey as Nana—“ Enraged, I flicked his throat. “Are you trying to make me have an accident out here tonight? It’s bad enough your piece of shit car caught fire, don’t leave both our vehicles dead on the side of the road.”

“Why would you point out my silvers? You know how I feel about them! I’m not in the mood for your shit tonight Scott. Just drive us home.” I turned to look out of the window and the car fell silent. Then Loki started chuckling to himself. 

Scott glanced at the rear view mirror. “What’s so funny?”

“I wasn’t expecting this to feel so familiar.” Even though I was irritated, I still found myself smirking at Loki’s statement. I didn’t know very much about his family life but now I was sure that he had at least one sibling. Soon there after, we were parked in our driveway. Loki heaved our suitcase out of the back while Kat followed Scott to the house. Before I started towards the front door, I was overwhelmed by a wave of nervousness. I wanted this week to go well. I wanted my family to accepting him and see all the reasons that I’d grown to love him. Sensing this, Loki caught my hand and brought my attention back to him. “Is something wrong?” 

I half nodded, “I’m sleepy and worried they won’t like you.”

“Allow that to be my burden to carry. Fair?” 

I took another deep breath, “ Yeah.” Loki stole a quick kiss before ushering me towards the door. We passed the railings decorated with white lights and they glistened in the freshly fallen snow. It took me back to when I was young, when we’d gather around to help our mother decorate the front porch to perfection. This was where I’d grown up and now I was about to share all of that with him. As we came through the foyer, I heard Kat already greeting everyone. 

“Well isn’t he a sight for sore eyes. Let me get a look at you.” Nana beckoned Loki closer and he followed me over to where she was seated. 

“Hi Nana.” I hugged her.

“I’m so glad you came home this year sweetie.” She replied, smiling harder than I’d seen her smile in years. Then she gave Loki a long appraising once over. All the while I felt my heart slamming in my chest. _Why are you so nervous?_ “Looks like you found yourself a fine young man here.” 

Loki seemed pleased with her assessment as well, “It’s nice to finally make your acquaintance.” 

“I can tell I’m going to like this one already. He has manners.” Nana laughed.

Mom and James returned from the basement with the boxes of decorations. “Hey! You’re here a day early!” She hurried over to hug me James kept his distance. I waved to him, that was about as much as he ever wanted.

“Yeah. We saw the storm on the forecast so I thought we ought beat it here.” I managed to tell her.

Nana pulled herself out of her chair and came over Mom and I, “Well you must be exhausted from such a long drive. While you’re getting settled in should I make the bed in the guest room for your gentleman here?” Loki looked away, hiding the chuckle. He apparently hadn’t believed me from before.

“No, I’ll get it Nana. Don’t worry about it—“

“Oh I’ll worry plenty child. You young people with your hormones and your urges…I’m gonna need a ring on that finger before y’all give me some more grandkids. Don’t drag your feet now, I’ll be dead before long.” 

“Nana! You have Scott and I—“

“No honey, I meant great-grandchildren. Loki here must be real special if you went through all the trouble of dragging across the country to see us—first one you ever brought home if my memory serves me right. Shouldn’t be long now.” Nana laughed. Of course she meant no harm by her banter, though I was suddenly at a loss for words. It had only a couple weeks since everything had changed and my emotional scars were still too fresh for me to avoid. 

Loki never missed a beat. “Kat is more than enough responsibility for us at the moment.“ I knew just how close we had been to granting her wish. My throat tightened and I felt like I might suffocate. Before anyone else had the chance to pour salt into my open wound, I excused myself. “I think I’m going to head up to bed. I’m really tired.” 

“And I’ll show his to his room.” Nana added, gingerly taking Loki by the arm. I gave him an apologetic smile before I said good night to everyone else. After they disappeared around the corner, I lugged our suitcase up to my room. While I was getting undressed Loki slipped through the door, making sure to close it quietly. Rather than ask about what had happened downstairs, he came to hug me and I stilled in his arms. We didn’t have to mention it out loud, Loki simply understood. 

“I’m exhausted.” I mentioned, finally pulling out of his embrace. 

“As you should be. Leave the unpacking to me.” Loki kissed my shoulder and I turned around to face him. 

“Thank you for being such a good sport about all this. I’m sure you would have liked to fly instead of spending the day with me in my shitty little car. I guess you won’t have to worry about that on the trip home. You’ll get to witness first hand my meltdown on the tarmac.” I explained. 

“You can sit on my lap and I’ll comfort you.” Loki smiled, helping me out of my sweater. At this point I was only in my bra and panties and the chilly air started to prickle my skin. 

I scoffed, “You’d like that wouldn’t you.” Rather than play into my sarcasm, Loki’s hands came to rest around my waist, warming my skin with his touch. 

“We can talk about this later. Right now you need rest.” 

“Come to bed with me? We can unpack in the morning.” I laid my head against his chest. Before he gave me an answer, I started to bring his shirt over his head. Hopefully if he was already undressed, he might be more willing to give me my way.

Loki finally conceded when I started tugging down his boxers, “Alright. Keep your hands to yourself or I’ll have you use them.” There was no telling how much truth was in that threat. I was too tired to even risk finding out, so with that we crawled in bed for the night. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I felt the drowsiness beginning to win me over. Loki turned off the lamp and enveloped me in his warmth.

The next morning came quickly and when I woke I smelled breakfast cooking. I decided to get up to chat with mom before everyone else was awake. I went to climb out of bed, Loki tightened his arm around my waist. “Go back to sleep.” I kissed his forehead as I pulled the covers over him. On my way out of the door grabbed my robe from our suitcase, then I dragged into the kitchen. A mug of coffee was already waiting at the end of counter when I turned the corner. 

“You’ll be happy to know that I’ve already douse the flames with Nana.” Mom stated, as she glanced up from the sausage in the pan. 

Took a sip of my coffee to at least clear my head with caffeine before hearing the rest of this. “What was she raving about this time?”

“She decided to take some tea to Loki’s room last night, to make him feel more at home so she says, and Loki wasn’t there to accept it. You know Nana.” Mom sighed, giving me a sympathetic look.

“How mad was she?” I chuckled. 

“I had to stop her from going up to your room. She hasn’t spoken to me all morning. You’re welcome by the way. I didn’t think you needed to deal with that on your first night. I wouldn’t want you to cut this trip short over something silly.”

“I wouldn’t do that. Nana is Nana and she’s been that way my whole life. It’s nothing new.” I added. 

“Anyway, James and I are going to get the last minute shopping done today. Scott is going to get the tree after work. What are you and Loki doing today? Any fun plans?“

“I was going to ask you about that. Since my car finally died, I need the keys to the truck. I had planned show him around town…maybe go to the ice rink for a bit.”

“That sounds nice. We’re going to talk about your car later—“

“There’s nothing to talk about—“ Mother gave me one of those looks that told me to either drop the issue or endure a long-winded answer. It was too early in the morning for this so I chose to just leave well enough alone. The floorboards above our heads creaked when Loki climbed out of bed and soon after the jingle of Kat’s tag echoed in the hallway. She must have gotten him up to go out. I noticed my mother taking down another mug to pour his coffee. When she reached for the creamer I stopped her, “That’s good. He takes it black if there’s no almond milk.” Mom chuckled before pushing his mug over to me for to finish. 

“Good Morning.” Loki said as he entered.

“Did you sleep well?” Mom asked Loki as he came over to join us near the stove.

“I did. You’re guest accommodations are very comfortable—“

I laughed, “She knows you slept with me.” 

I handed him his coffee and Loki snuck a kiss on my cheek while mother’s back was turned. “In that case, yes I slept very well.” Loki added.

“Of course you did. Breakfast will be ready soon. Let that dog out before she goes on my tile.” Mom stated, giving Loki an amused look. With that he headed to the backdoor to take Kat into the yard. The two of us were quiet until he closed the door behind himself. “Things are getting serious between you two aren’t they? I’ve never seen you this… enamored with anyone.” 

I tried to hide my blush by looking down at my coffee. “Yeah, things are pretty serious. We’ve been though so much together in these last few months. Loki knows me better than anyone. It’s strange; sometimes it feels like he knows me better than I know myself. I feel like he’s always seven steps ahead but in a good way.”

“That’s the way it is when you’re with an older man. I should know. Before your father I was with this guy who was much _much_ older than myself. Don’t ever mention this around Nana, she damn near disowned me for seeing him.” Mom mentioned. 

“You never told me about this.”

“I never had a reason to before now. It’s best to let the past stay in the past sometimes. He was my boss when I was working at the firm. I was a few years younger than you at the time. This was when I was still putting myself through grad school. He was a real gentleman and I fell head over heels in love.”

“What happened?” It wasn’t often that mom willingly divulged this kind of information. We had always been close, yet there were just some things that Mom was never very open about.

“I learned that he was married with three kids. That’s what happened. I never set out to be a homewrecker, so I ended things for their sake.” She explained. 

“That was noble of you. Also Loki isn’t that much older—“

“Have you taken a good look at him? He’s easily thirty-five.” I shrugged, half acknowledging her observation though not letting it sit in my mind for very long. It didn’t change the way I felt about him. _And nothing ever will._

“I don’t think that’s very important. He’s young at heart, that’s what matters.” 

“You’re right. As long as you’re both happy, nothing like that should make a difference.” For once I could tell that she was being honest with me. There wasn’t a hint of sarcasm in her voice and I was glad that we could actually agree on something for once.

* * *

After showing him around town all day, we were finally going to stop by the ice rink for an hour or two. Loki carried our skates over to the bench while I stuffed our shoes onto an empty shelf. “Don’t wait until we get over to the ice to tell me that you don’t know how to skate ok.” I mentioned, turning to Loki to make sure that he wasn’t trying to keep any secrets. 

He scoffed, “I know how to skate. It’s only been 600 years.”

“Ha-ha, you’re always so dramatic. You should put that talent to use and rake in the dough with an acting career. Then maybe we wouldn’t be one minor crisis away from absolute poverty.” I teased. I leaned down and tied up my laces before kneeling to do his. Then I took his hand and lead him towards the rink. 

“Ele, is that you?” I heard another man’s voice call from farther away. I turned around, recognizing Max at the side of the bleachers. 

“Hey!” I tiptoed over to meet him halfway and hugged him. 

“Long time no see. What’s it been…seven years now?”

“Pretty much. How are you? Last I heard you moved to New York.” 

“I did, there was an editing position there that I just couldn’t turn down. I’m back visiting the family for the holidays. Other than that things are great, just got engaged—“ 

“Shut up! That’s great Max, who is she?”

“You remember Olivia don’t you, she went to high school with us.”

“You lucky duck. When did you two start seeing each other? I though she was with—“ Loki cleared his throat and I felt his hand rest at the small of my back. “Oh! Max this is my boyfriend Loki. Max and I go way back. He was the first friend I ever made when I moved here.” I explained. 

Loki offered his hand, “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. She’s a keeper. Don’t you dare play with her heart.” Max jested. 

Loki gave a slight nod, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Max quickly turned his attention back to me, “Are you still local? Someone told me you came back a few years ago.”

“I did. It was temporary though. I stayed a couple months and then moved down to Georgia. Loki and I still live there now. I don’t think I could live in this small town another year if I tried.” I giggled. 

“Getting out is what everyone wants and only a lucky few manage to do it. You were the first, though I doubt Michigan was much different come wintertime.” 

“You’d be right about that, it wasn’t all that different. That’s why I went further south, so that I could get away from the cold.” 

“I couldn’t agree with you more.”

“So when’s the wedding or have you not decided yet?”

“Next September. You’re invited of course. We’re planning to have it here, since both of our families are local. It doesn’t make sense to have everyone travel to us.”

“Well you know I’ll be right there to cheer you on _and_ to give the worse wedding gift I can find.” I laughed at one of our old inside jokes. Through the years we’d made it a tradition to give each other the worst present we could get our hands on for every holiday or birthday. It only made sense to carry that over one last time. 

“It better be the worst thing you can find.” 

“Dollar store clearance bin?”

“You can do better than that. We need to catch up sometime—are you here through New Years? We’re having a New Years Eve bash at her parent’s house. You and Loki are welcome to come. Everyone from growing is going to be there and they’d love to meet him.”

“Sounds like fun. I’ll see if we’re free, if not we’ll have to catch you some other time before the big day.”

“Yeah, we should. Well, I’m going to go. Have a good time and I hope you’ll come by.” 

I gave him one last hug, “It was nice seeing you. Tell Liv I said hey ok?”

“You got it. It was nice meeting you Loki. “ Max left us and I lead Loki back towards the rink without another word. When I stepped out onto the ice I was a bit wobbly on my blades at first. Loki caught me before I could hit the ground. “I guess you can tell it’s been a while.” Unlike me, Loki moved across the ice with a steady if not graceful confidence. For some reason he was suspiciously quiet. I’d never known him to not say anything at a time like this. Rather than wait for a response, I chose to distract him. “I almost didn’t believe when you said you could skate. I was afraid it was like the time you told me you could ride a bike.” I giggled. Instead of answering me he was deathly quiet, wearing a stern if not brooding look. “What’s wrong?”

“How long were the two of you _an item_?” 

“Huh?”

“Don’t play coy Ele. You and Max…how long were you together.” I felt my cheeks blush in embarrassment. 

“A few months, it was nothing serious Loki. We were 17 and he’d been my best friend since I was 6. I called it off before I went away to school—“

“And he never got over it. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on you.” Loki added sharply. 

“Geez Loki! He’s marrying Olivia, I think he’s over me.” I countered. 

“Take my word for it, he isn’t over you.” I turned to him, noticing instantly the quiet possessiveness in his eyes. 

“So what if he isn’t over me? I’m over him. You’re not feeling threatened are you?” I asked curiously. The momentary irritation that flitted through his expression was enough to tell me all that I needed to know. He was jealous and he didn’t want me to see it. “Fine, I’m going to be completely transparent with you. I was never into him the way he was into me. We’d been friends since we were little, sleepovers every weekend until it was inappropriate for us to share a bed. He started ice-skating when he was young and I used to go to all of his competitions with him and his mom. Then he started coaching the little kids when we were in high school. I’d do my homework while he worked and then we’d hang out on the ice afterwards.” 

I don’t know why I was telling Loki all of this. It wasn’t helping him to be less jealous. I had been truthful when I’d said I was over Max. I still liked skating; mostly there wasn’t shit else to do in our little town. Bringing Loki here hadn’t been a covert way of reliving some past romance; it just happened to be the local past time. _Also its way more entertaining than bowling._

Loki took my hand and pulled me closer, “If you are trying to contradict me with this history lesson, know that you are only reaffirming my observation.” 

“I wasn’t trying to. I don’t want this to ruin our day. I’ll tell you everything there was to know, just so that you can’t say I ever kept anything from you. Yes, we hooked up a few times and I’d let him be my first for a lot of things. I never saw myself in a relationship with him. I was in it for all the wrong reasons and I felt horrible about it. The week before I was supposed to leave for college, he asked me to stay here and go to the local college with him and I couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted to leave more than I wanted to be with him. So I broke up with Max and that was the last time I saw him until…just now.” I said quietly. 

I had mourned the loss of our friendship ages ago. For me it had always been about the friendship and everything else had felt forced. I considered Max something close to family and whenever we had screwed around it felt wrong. The whole ordeal was a part of my life I’d tried to pack up and forget. It was shitty of me to lead him along for as long as I had but I was young and stupid. It wasn’t an excuse; it was just a statement of fact. 

“Now Max is going to go home and think of you. Had I not been there, I am willing to bet he would have considered leaving this Olivia if you had showed the slightest interest in rekindling your relationship.” 

I shook my head in protest, “Max can think whatever he wants. That has nothing to do with me. Even if I had come alone, I wouldn’t have let him leave her over some pipe dream that will never become reality. I’ve had enough of this conversation Loki. I came here to have fun with my boyfriend, not my ex. I love you and you have nothing to worry about.” I snuck a quick kiss before pulling away to do a few figure eights. It took him a while to loosen up and once he did we had a great time. I hadn’t expected him to be so much better than me though. 

Later on I found myself being held against his front, taking baby steps in sync with his strides. “Your family will be away from the house until after seven.” Loki mentioned. 

I giggled, “Did you already make plans?”

“I may have. We have not had a moment alone together since we left yesterday.”

“I didn’t think you would notice. We’ll be decorating the tree tonight and wrapping gifts. Before all that starts, I’ve got a bottle of holiday punch with our name on it. I also have a bed, if you’re interested in that kind of scenery.” I felt Loki kiss the shell of my ear and wrap his arms around my middle. 

“Why are we still here?”

* * *

I took a sip from my glass and crawled across the bed to where Loki had stretched out. “So what do you think of my roots Loki? Is this anything like what you imagined?”

“It is nothing like I imagined. The way you described it to me before I pictured something far less…welcoming. The only thing that has yet to defy my expectations is Renee. She is exactly as I remember her—“ 

“Overbearing? Pushy? Knows no boundaries?” 

“I would hesitate to describe her as any of those.”

“Oh? How would you describe her then?” I asked.

“Involved?” I rolled my eyes. Loki was being far too generous with that description. 

“So when are you going to take me home to meet your folks? You do still plan on going home someday don’t you? No matter how hard the falling out was it shouldn’t mean you sever ties with them for good.” Now it was Loki’s turn to be uncomfortable. 

“One day perhaps. My home life was never as simple as this.”

“What does that mean?”

“If you were to confront Renee over her mishandling of a situation, she would not be duty bound to imprison you in your basement.” Loki mentioned. My heart sank a little and I sure what to say now. “Scott isn’t a war mongering buffoon who’s only concerned about how mighty he is in the eyes of his subjects, when they already bow to his every command.” Loki hissed. 

“I’m sorry to hear that. For what it’s worth, I’d never let anyone do something like that to you. If I were there, I’d give them hell.” I smiled, leaving a comforting kiss on his lips. Rather than let me retreat Loki held me close. The backs of fingers tenderly graze along the swell of my cheek, making the briefest contact with the scar that followed the same path. There was a time when I would have recoiled in a combination of fear and shame. Instead I let it happen, knowing that even this imperfection and all my other shortcomings it symbolized were not going to drive him away. _Not now, not ever._

“You would do no such thing. If a time were to come where I must face judgment for my actions, you are never to intervene. Do not put yourself in harms way on my behalf. Do you understand me?” My eyes scanned over his face and I found the seriousness in his expression to be unsettling. Like so many times before, I felt a deeper part of me stirring in discontent. “Swear to me.”

“I don’t make promises that I can’t keep—“ 

“Then take this as my command.” Loki asserted.

I shook my head, “I can’t do that either. You don’t tell me what to do Loki. I’m already a lost cause. I love you with every fiber of my being and expecting me not to defend you as an extension of myself is unrealistic.” 

“Dove I need you to swear to me. I cannot bear the… _thought_ … of you suffering because of something I have done.” He protested. For some reason my stubbornness upset him more than anything I’d ever seen. Loki was never one to wear his heart on his sleeve. Even when he was vulnerable with me, he kept his emotions on a tight lease. It was difficult to decipher if it was anger or pain that fueled his passion. Either way, I still couldn’t make that promise. 

“Would you do it for me?” I asked.

“Without question—“

“Then don’t ask me not to. You’re a part of me and I don’t see myself letting go of you without a fight. That’s not who I am.” I whispered. My forehead rested against his and I felt Loki grappling with his inner demons, the ones he though that I could never see. Instead of continuing to argue my case I decided to leave it at that. I wasn’t going to give him the answer that he wanted to hear, so continuing to talk would only upset him further. Sometimes words are just useless. 

I let myself kiss his lips, searching lower to his throat then further until I was pressing my mouth against the taught muscles sloped down into his jeans. Without hesitation I unbuttoned them and forced them off his hips. This was how I would offer comfort and worship. I loved the quiet noises he made when took him in my mouth and when the tortured look in his eyes was replaced with lust, only then was I satisfied. I knew how I exactly how wanted it, so I gave him everything he could ask for. The only thoughts I wanted running through his mind were how good I was making him feel and than he never wanted us to be apart. I accepted his cock as deeply as I could, enjoying the taste and texture of him. 

Loki’s hips bucked forward and with each frantic groan of pleasure I knew that he was closer to his end. I wanted to savor that brief victory. Our quiet empty house soon echoes with commotion as someone came through the garage door. I saw Loki look to me pleading with me not to stop, not that I ever intended to. Just because we weren’t alone anymore didn’t mean I was going to deprive him of his release. When he climaxed I accepted every drop, enjoying the strangled cry of euphoria that fought to leave his throat. Loki collapsed against the mattress, sucking in ragged breaths. 

We couldn’t hide away up here all night and it was only a matter of time before Scott called us down to help him with the tree. “Get yourself together. We’ve go work to do.” I prompted. With one last kiss, I crawled out of bed and began to fix my cloths.

* * *

It had been more than an hour since I’d last seen Loki and now I was starting to get worried. He’d been on his own while I had stalled my Aunt. She wasn’t any less of a headache than I last remembered, only now she thought that my proximity meant that I’d come to agree with her ridiculous accusations. A few minutes after I managed to escape from her toxic orbit, I found Loki hovering by the hors d'oeuvre inspecting the shrimp in his cocktail glass. Without a word I snagged him by the arm, making sure that no one noticed us stealing away from the festivities. 

I lead him out through the back door and we ended up on the patio in ankle deep snow. _That’s still better than being in there._ Away of the heinous Christmas music and the artificial pine scent that poisoned the air, I could finally take a deep breath. From our vantage point we could see inside at all the partygoers as they mixed and mingled. I took a shrimp from his cocktail before gulping down my flute of champagne, “How’d it go with Benson?” 

Loki shrugged, “It went well. He seemed intrigued more than anything. I didn’t breach the subject of my pending court appearance.”

“Intrigued is good. It’s best you didn’t bring that up. When we go back I’m going to talk to Benson and I need you to stay low key—“

“I hadn’t planned on becoming anyone else tonight.” Loki smiled. 

“Don’t start with me tonight. Before we leave make sure that you get his card, he loves handing those out and he’ll remember you better too.” I advised. 

“Understood. How was Linda?” Loki asked me. The best I could do was look up at him and frown. It had been hard keeping myself under control in her presence. For his sake and his sake alone, I had managed. Loki’s expression softened in commiseration and I felt his hand rest at my waist in a small gesture of comfort. I took his glass of champagne and drank that too. _It’s been a rough night. You earned it._ The sooner this gathering came to an end the better I would feel. I’d promised my mother that I’d stick around for at least two hours and it had taken us almost that long to get a minute to talk with Benson. I had been ready to leave this function five minutes after we’d arrived and ever minute there after had tested my already frayed patience.

Just then I heard boisterous voices coming towards the windows, so I pulled Loki farther into the shadows. The last thing I needed was for any of my cousins to catch a glimps of our private meeting. We weren’t doing anything illicit, yet that’s what it would be interpreted as. Now that we were already in this darkened corner, he moved closer to me. I went to step backward only to find my self pressed against the wall. Then Loki closed the remaining distance that he’d left between us. “What are you doing?” 

“I am taking care of you.” He was so close that I could feel the flutter of his breath against my cheek when he spoke. Loki didn’t waste any time as his lips quickly found mine. He was hungry and focused on giving me pleasure without delay.

“What if someone sees us?” I managed to ask between his kisses. 

“They won’t. Trust me.” Loki answered as his hand found its way under my dress. The cold air stung the warmth between my legs and I gasped. He took advantage of this and deepened our kiss. I held tighter around his shoulders and then I found myself being lifted off my feet with my dress bunched around my hips. My back pressed against bricks of their exterior wall. I couldn’t tell what turned me on more, the that fact we were just a few feet away from a glass door that would give a spectacular view to anyone who happened by or being taken so indiscriminately. I felt Loki fumbling between my legs before I felt the heat of his cock pressing against my lips. 

Loki thrust into me and the jarring invasion stole my breath. He wasn’t gentle and he didn’t take his time. Our union was rough and passionate, a combination that never failed to turn me into a quivering mess. My fingers clenched in his hair while I fought to keep my ecstasy quiet. The biting cold didn’t bother me, the scraping stone at my back was easily forgotten, and the only thing that I could focus on was how wonderful this felt. Loki tightened his grip on my ass, pulling me towards him to meet each powerful thrust. He kissed along my throat, nipping almost hard enough to leave visible marks. It had been weeks since I’d allowed Loki this intimacy and his caged desire had only grown with each passing day. 

I felt my body clenching tighter around him as my orgasm began to sweep through me. “Don’t stop.” I whimpered as I buried my face against his neck. And in a split second he took me over the edge. I quivered in his arms, riding each wave of my climax until we settled in a breathless heap against the wall. The afterglow faded with hast, given the fact that we had decided to get busy in the snow. “Collect yourself. We need to return.” Loki whispered. When he let me stand under my own power, I found my knees were still too weak to support me. “Put on you war face dove, the woman I love doesn’t bow to ignorance.” He lifted my chin and claimed my lips one last time. 

As best as I could I nodded, “Yes, sir.”

* * *

Scott and I returned from the car, each carrying several bottles of champagne for tonight’s festivities. On short notice Renee had been informed that we would be hosting to the end of year celebration tonight. In preparation she had sent us off to acquire several more bottles for the additional guests. We had only left Ele and Renee here at the house for the last thirty minutes and it seemed that ragnorok had begun without me. Before we reached the front door, I could already hear Ele shouting. Rather than continue onwards, Scott hesitated then to doubled back in retreat. His tired sigh suggested that this was nothing new to him.

“What are they arguing about?” I asked, initially refusing to abandon Ele before Scott shoved me along.

“Does it matter? You don’t want any parts of that. Trust me.” Scott gestured me to follow him back through the garage. We ventured to one of the doors in the cellar. Ele had explained that Scott resided here, which is why we rarely saw him I imagine. Even down below we could still hear the two of them arguing. I had never heard that tone from Ele. She was irate and my first instinct was to intervene in order to defend her. However I knew that Scott was right. My intervention would only worsen the situation. 

“You two have been here for six days. I knew she couldn’t keep up that act for much longer. Now I don’t have to either.” Scott stated. He reached under the counter to retrieve two beers. 

“Her act?” I inquired. Scott slid mine across the counter to me. 

He chuckled, “You didn’t think this…happy family shit was real did you? Our mother means well but she goes about it in all the wrong ways. I was glad that Nori left. She’s better off away from this. When she’s here, her every move or decision is scrutinized and micromanaged.” Upstairs, Ele stomped across the room and out of the house. The garage door slam in her wake and the rest of the house rattled in the aftershocks. 

“Where is she going?” 

“Don’t worry, she’s just going to walk the neighborhood to cool off. Give her an hour or two and she’ll be all right. Until then…you’re better off keeping to yourself. There’s nothing that you can do right now.” Scott explained. 

“Aren’t you concerned about the festivities for tonight. They will be together for much of that, correct?” 

“Mom is going to try to pretend that nothing happened. In her mind it has been dealt with. Just keep Nori away from her and everything should go smoothly.” There was experience in his words, from which I could tell that he had once played the mediator.

A part of me disliked the fact that someone other than myself knew Ele’s temperament so intimately. Scott had spent his entire life with her and I’d only shared a fraction of that. I suppose I ought to be honored that had handed the task on to me. _That or he has grown tired of the burden._ “Has it always been this way between them?”

“No. Things only got this bad in the last few years.” Scott was reluctant to go into further detail. I assume he was unsure of how much I knew about Ele’s so-called disappearance.

“She told me about what happened, how she went missing for several years and the difficult times that followed once she returned.” I stated, answering his unspoken question. 

Scott nodded in understanding. “That’s when all this started. It was horrible to watch her suffer like that. All my life I’ve looked up to her. She was the strong one…the one that everyone had pinned their hopes on growing up. Of course I envied her but deep down I always wanted to be like her.” Scott looked away, “Then to see her so broken was one of the hardest thing I’ve ever been forced to do.” 

“I imagine it would be unbearable.” I mentioned, feeling the sting of remorse awaken. Ele’s absence had been unbearable for me as well, so I understood their pain far better than anyone else.

“Mom did what she thought was best and for a while she really did have to take care of Nori. The problems started when Nori got back on her feet and Mom refused to let go. She just couldn’t give up on that caretaking role. They used to fight like this _multiple_ times a week. It was hard to stay in the house with them most of the time.”

“I’ve witnessed some of that myself when I met Renee for the first time. Ele hadn’t answered her calls for a week and she paid us a visit.” I added, taking a drink from beer. Casually I placed the bottle atop the counter in disgust counter. I don’t know what I was expecting. This swill was weaker than the ale I was accustomed to.

“Yeah, she mentioned that to me. I just hope you weren’t in a compromising position.” Scott laughed. In lieu of going into great detail, I gave a partial smirk. He could read as far into as he pleased. “You get used to her, there isn’t much else you can do. I just worry about what it does to Nori. If Mom would’ve just left her alone, she wouldn’t have bolted half way across the country. Now she’s even worse because Nori is a thousand miles away. I used to worry about her until you came along. It’s practically an unwritten rule that automatically I dislike you because you’re fucking my sister. And at the same time I know that she needs someone. I see the way you look at her. You love her and she’s into you. If Nori thinks you’re good enough for her…then that’s good enough for me.” 

I laughed to myself, taking a moment to appreciate the weight of what he’d so casually mentioned. “Have I earned your blessing?”

“If that is what you want to call it. I reserve the right to revoke my _blessing_ if you fuck her over. So long as you respect and cherish her, I won’t have to rearrange your face.” His threat came across as more amusing than as an actual threat. I could appreciate his concern and for that reason alone I chose not to challenge him for defending her honor. Scott followed a code similar to the one I myself had been raised to respect, even if I tended to suspend my adherence from time to time.

“You can rest assured that I will honor her.” Mid-sentence an idea had occurred to me. Midgard was to be our home for the foreseeable future. It had been difficult for me to accept that at first, though with time I was growing less averse to the idea. Building a life here would inevitably include her family. These people had welcomed me into their home and approved of our courtship. Outside of myself, there was nothing important to her than the people we’d spent this week with. While Ele had centuries yet untold to spend at my side, I appreciated the brevity of mortal lives. She would never forgive me if I passed on the opportunity to be accepted by her loved ones. That was not a regret I wanted her to carry in centuries to come. Scott had begun to put the champagne bottles in the fridge when I finally spoke. “I intend to marry your sister.”

Caught off guard, Scott hit his head against the underside of the counter. “Does she know about your _intentions_?” He rubbed the back of his head to sooth the bruised area.

“No. I had hoped to surprise her.” 

“So why are you telling me? If Nori wants to marry you then she will.” 

“I would prefer to have—“

“My blessing? What am I, a priest? If you want to spend the rest of your life with my crazy-ass sister, who am I to stop you? You don’t need my blessing for that, you need hers.”

“Ele is not crazy. I’m sure you’re aware that.” 

“Loki I don’t know if she’s crazy or not. All I know is that whatever she’s going through isn’t normal and it isn’t healthy. If you really love her, you need to be sure that you can handle her _issues_. It’s not going away and I won’t just stand by while you wrap her heart around your finger so that you can leave her behind once you get a glimpse of what we’ve all dealt with.” Scott’s demeanor became protective. I had nothing to prove to him, yet I still found myself attempting to earn his trust for Ele’s sake. 

“I’ve seen the extent of her condition. She is not herself and it torments me far more than you can imagine. I’ve grown to know Ele and I’m certain that the woman she is today is a shadow of who she used to be. She will be herself again. Ele just needs time and patience, that is all.” Scott didn’t seem entirely convinced, however my words had assuaged some his concern.

“For her sake, I that hope your right.”

* * *

New Years Eve came and went and Loki had been the one I’d kissed when the clock struck twelve. Come tomorrow morning, Loki and I would board a flight back to Georgia and we would return to our life a thousand miles away. Right now the four of us had managed to put away our hostilities to do one last thing as a family. 

“Don’t you dare role those dice Scott! Loki, that’s your shoe on my railroad. Give me my money.” I demanded. 

That sly smile told me he’d hope to get away with yet another round without paying me for landing on one of my spaces. “Surely we can make an arrangement—“

“Nope. You tried that last time. Had you not stiffed me on Ventnor, I might be a little more agreeable. You _can_ however sell all of those nice houses. I won’t accept any payments made in bills smaller than a twenty.” I grinned. 

“Scott just gave you all fives—“

“But the biggest difference is that Scott was nice to me. He gave me a third monopoly so of course I made an exception. You on the other hand stole Boardwalk and Park Place from … **then** you cheated me out of $1150. Before we’re finished here, everything that you think is yours will belong to me. Nobody beats me at monopoly Loki.” Maybe I was being a bit dramatic. When it came to monopoly, I wasn’t known for my sportsmanship.

Loki had said he’d never played this game before, however he was a lot better at it than I would’ve expected. He had been my only real competition for most of the game. While he was silent I saw him scheming, so I braced myself for whatever counter offer he might propose. Then his expression softened suddenly and that abrupt shift was unsettling. “That is a wonderful idea.” Loki placed his hand over mine. I went to pull it away and he tightened his grasp, “Everything that is mine could become yours. Rather than strip me of my lands, we could enter an arrangement of mutual benefit.”

My brow arched in skepticism, “Just like that you’re going to hand over everything?” _There has to be a catch. **Has to be.**_

“What’s mine would become yours. You just stated that this is you ultimate goal. ”

“Yeah, then all of mine would be yours too. You stand to gain far more than I do. I could see it if you had something I wanted, except you don’t. You only have one monopoly and Reading Railroad. Your offer doesn’t serve me as well it would serve you. Plus, I don’t know that I trust anyone who’d give away everything they have willy-nilly.” 

“I either lose it by force or offer it to you peaceably. If you have earned my cooperation is there a need for brutality? Will you consider my council in your future dealings? My worth is tied to yours, meaning your losses are mine as well. What is there not to trust?” 

I loved how hard he was trying to best me, “Everything. I _could_ trust you and then you might double cross me. Or I could take it all from you anyway and not have to worry about trust.” 

Without another word Loki swept his houses off the board and handed them over to Renee. Since we were little Mom always served as the banker so that nether of us would sneak extra cash. “I knew you planned to double cross me. Nice try Loki. Now I won’t have to feel bad about robbing you blind.” I giggled, leaning over to kiss his cheek. 

Scott sighed, “You two take this game way too seriously.” 

“You’re just bitter because you’re losing.” Mom interjected.

Loki smirked as he handed over what I was owed, “Thank you. ” I winked at him then continued to count my cash while Scott finally took his turn. In that idol moment, I started to feel a bit reluctant to leave in the morning. Not because I was more fearful of flying than before, but because I knew that I would miss Mom and Scott. Our family wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, however it was times like these that reminded me of the bond we shared. Yes we fought and had our differences, but at the end of the day we still had each other. I always knew that they’d be there for me the same way that I was there for them. That’s what family is about. The most heartwarming part was the fact that Loki fit in with ease. It was as if he’d filled a natural void that’d patiently awaited his arrival. Now that Loki had taken his place, things would never be the same without him.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This chapter was really just a mishmash of ideas that I’ve had floating around in my outlines for months. I could never develop them enough to have stand alone own chapters, so hopefully this sort of presentation did the fragments justice. It got a LOT longer than I anticipated. I guess that just makes up for how long it took for me to get around to updating. 
> 
> If you've kept with my story this long I can't thank you enough. Your patience is about to be rewarded. I’m not toying with your emotions and this is not a sick joke. The moment you've been waiting for has finally arrived…


	32. All or Nothing

We had just returned from her home late last night. The plan had been to board a flight early that morning then land sometime in the afternoon. Much to my disappointment, that was not the way the events had unfolded. Upon arrival Ele had gone into a fit of tears, which only worsened the closer we got to the luggage check in. Even as I did my best to calm her, she became more distraught with each passing moment. Rather than force her to follow through with this travel arrangement, we rented a car and made the long drive back. By the time we got home, Ele was almost too exhausted to stagger to bed. With all this to consider, I decided to let her to sleep for most of the day. 

This morning I’d risen early to take care of the minor chores that she was sure to fret over the instant she awoke. Ele was scheduled to return to work tomorrow and I didn’t want to punctuate her holiday with housework. I felt that I at least owed her this luxury given the fact that she had twice undertaken the daylong journey without my assistance. The sooner I could acquire my own license the better. I was determined to relieve her of my dependence in every way that I could. 

Now more than ever I understood the frustration she must have endured in Asgard. At the time I had written off her ambitious nature as nothing more than an act of rebellion. Ele could never stay where I’d put her. Every time that I turned my back she was causing disruptions that I was forced to remedy. Even after I got to know her intimately, I still couldn’t understand why she would choose to be burdened with responsibility. Now that I was in a similar position, I saw that it was matter of self-esteem. Feeling inconsequential wasn’t a sentiment I often experienced. _And it sure as hell isn’t one that I enjoy._

Ele had survived for years without me and she continued to survive with very little support. Now that I’d seen the range of her independence, it was hard to believe that I had expected her to abandon this ambition to become what I once considered to be a proper wife. Regardless, I was determined to be more than her domestic help. Ele had already expressed interest in helping me to find employment. As soon as we received the papers that Benson had promised to send us, I was free to do all that was necessary. In the mean time, I countered my restlessness by staying busy. And at the moment that meant folding laundry. _What would mother say if she saw you now? Here you stand, toiling in the menial labor you once deemed beneath you._

When I tucked Ele’s panties into the top drawer, my fingers found a scrap of paper in a place it shouldn’t have been. I pulled it free, unfolding it for further inspection. The elaborate doodles on its face sent a cold wave of surprise through my core. I recognized my emblem mingled in with the brand of the bifrost, the pattern that it burned into the ground when the bridge was opened. My pulse quickened as I held physical evidence that her memories were still embedded somewhere in her mind. I skimmed over the rest of the drawings until my eyes landed on her carefully written runes. _**Loki and Ele / Love that was etched in stone.**_ Without meaning to I looked through the gap in the doorway to see her blissfully flouncing around our kitchen. 

This wasn’t the first time I’d confronted proof that my Ele was still in there somewhere, only now I was finding it unbearable to stand by and watch. Every time that I listened to her _dreams_ where the two of us roamed strange lands or I watched the flashes of confusion in here eyes as she recalled things she did not understand, it shoved a dagger deeper into my chest. My wife, the woman who had fought at my side and had loved me when I’d though I was unworthy of affection, was just beyond my reach. 

For months I had been careful to tease her out of her mental prison. I had done all that I could to unweave the incantations until we reached a point where my tinkering inflicted physical harm. The only method I still had at my disposal was the power of suggestion. There were times where my words or my actions could jog her memory. While it was effective, this process was tedious and I was impatient. Even though these episodes were brief, I saw just how thin I had worn the enchantments. By my estimations it would only take a gentle push to catalyze some kind of reaction, one that I hoped would bring her back to me. _Or you could kill her. That is the most likely outcome._

I heard Ele’s footfalls returning bedroom, so I replaced the paper in her drawer and kept this discovery to myself. “Open up.” She instructed as she fed me a cracker with peanut butter spread on top. “I thought you would’ve wanted to sleep in today.”

I shrugged and continued to put away her cloths, “I can sleep in tomorrow. I didn’t want you to feel the need to do anything today.”

Ele smiled up at me, “You’re too good to me sometimes, you know that?” 

“My queen deserves to be pampered on occasion.” I answered. Swiping the plate from her hand, I caught her by the waist and dipped her off balance so that when I claimed her lips with mine, she was forced to hold onto me for stability. Ele tried to wriggle out of my grasp, so I tickled the tender spot between her ribs that never failed to earn a reaction. Her lighthearted laughter was something I’d grown to miss these last few weeks. 

“Loki quit it—“

“No. Let me spoil you the way I see fit.” I stated, leaning lower to kiss her throat. 

Ele gave me a look of pure defiance, “Be careful what you wish for… _my King_.” She tugged a lock of my hair before bubbling into another girlish giggle. Hearing her speak those words did something indescribable to me. In that moment I’d made up my mind. I would not rest until I’d brought her back, even if it ended us both in the process. Every minute she spent in her personal prison was another minute that I failed my duty to her. I hoped with every fiber of my being that she would forgive me for what I was about to do. If we were successful, we could at least laugh about it together and my wife would be my wife once more.

* * *

The look in his eyes was like something out of a fairytale. I was his everything and I couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t gazed into my eyes with the same burning adoration. For Loki it had been love at first sight. I was sure of it. Regrettably it had taken me a lot longer to come to the same realization. _But when you did…you hit that wall at a hundred miles an hour._ He sat my plate on the bedside table and closed the door so that our four-legged thief wouldn’t roam in to gobble them up. Then when I least expected it, Loki shoved me onto our bed. I landed in the soft mountain for blankets and he joined me before I could right myself.

“I never got the chance to ask you if you enjoyed the New Years bash?” I snuggled up to him, waiting for his answer. 

“I did. I’ve never celebrated that holiday before.” Loki answered, though for some reason when his words landed on my ears I felt a delay in my understanding. What he’d said had made sense; only it made sense in a way then what I was used to. I found myself studying his face in silent bewilderment, unable to pin point exactly what had changed. 

“Are you on a different calendar in Asgard?” I asked curiously. 

Loki nodded, wearing a vaguely satisfied smile. “That is one way of putting it. To answer your question, yes, I did enjoy myself. I don’t think you know how unusual that is for me to say about a celebration of…any kind.”

I couldn’t stave off the snort of amusement, “I have some idea. I _have_ met you after all.” 

“You’re uncle was very helpful. I wonder why he chose to marry someone like Linda.”

“Sexual things. It’s too gross to speculate on.”

Loki hummed in understanding, “Anyway, I believe he might have suggested that we get married. There is the chance that I may have misunderstood his insinuation.”

“No, you understood him correctly. He told me that too, which is a bit surprising given his occupation. I don’t think we ought to go that route, not right away at least. I want to marry for love, not for any other reason.” I whispered, resting my head against his chest. Surprisingly the thought of marriage didn’t bother me as much as any of the other developments in our relationship had. In my mind, marriage was the ultimate promise that he would never abandon me and I found comfort in that security. After all that we had been through in these last few weeks, I no longer feared the bigger commitments that could lay in our future. Not only had I learned a great lesson about myself and about what I was capable of, I learned what Loki was willing to do for me. So of all the things that I had left to fear, marriage wasn’t the highest on my list. 

“I couldn’t agree with you more. Whenever you decide that you would like to get that out of the way just let me know. I’m sure I can find the time to take care of the logistics.” 

I sat up and looked over at him, fighting back the mixture of surprise and amusement. “That was the lamest _‘not proposal’_ proposal I’ve ever heard.”

“How would you prefer I propose to you then?” He asked, a smile widening across his cheeks. 

“Preferably in the form of a question and not as though it’s a chore to be taken care of at my earliest convenience.” I laughed. 

“I see. What would your answer be if I were to ask you right now?” He asked me. 

“What do you think I would say Loki?”

“Knowing you, you wouldn’t give me an answer right away. You’d make me earn it.” 

“Or I might just say yes. I know, what a crazy idea?” I added with a coy smile.

“Then I would accept.” Loki answered. 

I straddled him and Loki’s hands settled at my hips. “I love you.”

“Are you sure?” Loki managed to ask between my eager kisses.

“Of course I am. And just in case you’re really asking, my answer **is** yes.” 

Loki grinned, “Consider it done.”

Instead of feeling giddy and ecstatic, I was at peace. I didn’t understand my own reaction and I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to overthink anything ever again when ever it came to Loki. The momentum was behind me now and I was falling into familiar territory. It was as if I’d finally arrived at the place I’d been desperate to reach, except I hadn’t known that I was even trying to get here in the first palce. When I offered myself to him, more than just my libido awakened. Something deeper within me stirred, a part of me that I thought I’d lot touch with ages ago suddenly felt more _there_ than it had in years. 

_**“I was going to wait until later to give this to you but you might appreciate it now.” Loki pulled a ring from his pocket. The band was polished silver with a large emerald at the center of a cluster of small diamonds.** _

_**“It’s beautiful. Frigga works fast I see.” I said smiling as I took it from him. I had no idea how many carets this thing was but it the biggest ring I’d ever laid my hands on.** _

_**“There isn’t time for delays.” Loki said offhandedly.** _

_****_

I pushed the ring onto my finger. Then he took my hand in his running the pad of his thumb over the emerald. He didn’t mention it but I suspected he’d done something with his magic. On closer inspection I looked into the emerald and I could see deep in the center of the stone something etched into the gem. Then I started to make out the small writing, _Loki and Ele. Love that was etched in stone._ I smiled at the gesture. “ You are such a dork sometimes.” I giggled kissing his cheek. 

I felt myself recoil from Loki and before I knew it at the other side of the bed. Just looking at him sent a nauseating shiver up my spine. _Maybe it’s your imagination. Am I going crazy? Can you even be trust yourself to make that kind of judgment in the first place?_ Rather than make this situation even more embarrassing, Loki didn’t say a word. He didn’t complain that I’d scrambled away from him mid-coitus or inquire about the look of fear that was sure to have taken residence in my expression. Loki simply held my hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He took his time to comfort me without words. While he tenderly stroked my hair, I remembered every reason why I’d just said yes. 

For the rest of the night we didn’t discuss what had happened. I didn’t want to and I supposed Loki hadn’t wanted to upset me. Aside from that, everything returned to normal. I left for work in the morning and on his request I gave him a list of things to do while I was away. As the afternoon was closing in, I text Loki and told him to meet me at my job when I got off work. I hadn’t mentioned it to him but we were supposed to be heading over to the dealership to get my new car today. Given my current financial situation, Mom had insisted that I let her buy me another one. I hadn’t wanted her to and I made that clear. Of course she could never take no for an answer which led to the fight we’d gotten in on New Years. Loki never brought that up either, though I’m sure he’d overheard enough that evening to piece it together for himself. 

After I’d left my desk for the day, I took a seat by the window in the lobby to wait for him to arrive. He’d told me that he was leaving an hour ago and he still wasn’t here. _Apparently he’s running late._ Then Meg saw me on her way out, “Hey! When did you get back in town?”

“Yesterday. I’ve been busy catching up with the work that piled up in my absence. How have you been?” 

“The same as always. Devin finally got around to fixing the cabinet door. I’ve only been asking him to get to it for eight months now. Anyway…how was your vacation girly? That drive must have been hell with the storm.” 

“You have no idea. Every year I tell myself I’m going to face my fear and fly home. I almost did this time. We got to the airport and then I freaked out.” I chuckled. 

“I’m sorry about that. At least you had Loki. He went home with you, didn’t he?” Meg took a seat next to me, eager to catch up since I’d been away.

“He did. It went a lot better than I had hoped. I was worried that my family wouldn’t take to him but everything went better than I expected. That’s not even the highlight of it all.” I smiled. 

A slow eager grin spread across her cheeks as she awaited my answer, “Well don’t leave me hangin’ ! Spill the beans.”

“He sort of proposed—“ 

“Sort of? Either he did or he didn’t. Please tell me you said yes to that beautiful man!” Meg pleaded. I nodded, unable to hide my grin now. What I hadn’t expected was for her to scream in excitement. “I’m so happy for you! Ele this is wonderful. I think I might cry! The two of you are too adorable.” She enthused. 

I suddenly felt very self-conscious. From my perspective I’d always felt that what Loki and I shared was imperfect. I’d always believed that anyone looking in could see our flaws. Of course, I loved almost everything about him, yet for some twisted reason I imagined that he was something of an acquired taste. “We’re far from prefect.” I muttered uncomfortably.

“That’s what perfect couples say.” She teased. Just then my phone rang and I apologized before answering Loki’s call. 

“Hey. Where are you?” 

“I’m on my way. I would like you to know that your dog ate an entire bag of treats again. Then she proceeded to throw up in my jacket. This is her last offense, Ele! Next time we’re releasing her into the wild.” Loki explained and from the tone of his voice I could tell that he was still furious with Kat. 

I smiled so that he wouldn’t hear me laughing. “Loki we can’t just release her into the wild. I’m really sorry she puked on your jacket. I know how much you love that one. Let make it up to you?” 

I could almost hear him rolling his eyes through the phone, “I will be there soon.”

“Alright. Don’t take too long.” I hung up and turned my attention back to Meg. 

“What language is that?” She asked me. 

My expression twisted in bewilderment. “What do you mean?”

“You were just talking to Loki weren’t you?” She asked. I nodded, “I thought so. Where’s he from?” I fell silent and simply stared at her without a clue as to what I could tell her. _I wasn’t speaking another language._ To me it hadn’t felt any different. 

Finally I shrugged, “That’s the first time anyone’s ever told me that. I’ve heard of people changing their accent depending on who they spend most of their time with. I guess I’m very impressionable—“

As soon as I said that I saw her expression grow more confused. “I really don’t think that’s how it works.” 

“How long have I been doing that?” I asked, almost nervously. 

“Since I’ve been knowing you. Seriously, how have you never noticed that before? Doesn’t it sound different do you?” To Meg this was entertaining at best. At worst it something we might have a good laugh about at happy hour. For me it was frightening. To the best of my knowledge, I _only_ knew English. A thousand questions bombarded me until I entirely tuned her out, swallowed up by the quagmire of my thoughts. _Where could you learn this obscure language besides the place it is spoken?_ I knew where Loki said he was from and I had no idea where Asgard was. Hell until I’d met him I didn’t even know it existed. Now **I** spoke the language too. My reluctance to accept the obvious conclusion left me feeling a combination of fear and nausea. “Eleanor?” Meg shoved me and I returned to my senses, turning to look at her after what felt like an eternity. 

“Sorry.” I sighed and attempted to laugh off my discomfort even though I was really fighting back tears of embarrassment. For the first time in months I found myself dreading the looks that my oddities always seemed to earn. I just wished that this friendship had lasted a bit longer before I got the chance to ruin it for myself. It had been so long since I’d had someone to talk to besides Loki. I didn’t want to see it fail for same reason as all the others.

“Don’t be. You look like you’ve had a tough day so we’ll go for celebratory drinks another night. Ok? Let that gentleman take you home. Get some rest, hun.” Meg encouraged, waving at Loki from the opposite side of the glass. I nodded and she gave me one last reassuring smile before saying her goodbyes. In somewhat of a daze, I followed her outside to join Loki. 

“You smell like detergent.” I mentioned. The sour look that he gave me was enough to tell me he was still upset. Just to break the tension, I took his hand and tucked a hard candy in his palm. I had a habit of swiping them from the bowl in the break room. After Loki found a few pieces in my purse that one time, he’d gotten hooked on them too. Thankfully, that little gift was enough to bring him around. “One of these days I’m just going empty the dish for us.” 

Loki shook his head, “Don’t get fired over a dozen pieces of candy. I don’t enjoy sleeping on the street.” We continued walking for a while and the brief wave of conversation began to wane. I couldn’t evade my worried thoughts for much longer. Sensing that something was amiss, Loki turned to me with an expression that encouraged me to confide in him. 

Of course I caved under the pressure, “Can I ask you a crazy question?”

“Anything.”

After a great deal of hesitation I finally got myself to speak, “Were we—“ _Were we together before. Did I learn to speak your language by being in Asgard with you? You know, nothing **too** insane._ I needed to know if my speculation was the truth but I stopped myself. I was too afraid to hear him say yes. 

Loki stopped walking and gave me his full attention, “Were we what?” 

“Nothing—“

“No. You were attempting to ask me something. Were we…what?” 

_Was I with you in Asgard? Is that where I was for those three years that I can’t account for? Listen to yourself! You sound like a lunatic right now._ I swallowed back the building terror and shelved my questions for later. “Were we going to get dinner or did you plan on fixing something tonight?” I asked. 

Loki didn’t buy my diversion. He wasn’t even close to convinced. “We’ve discussed this before. You don’t need withhold anything from me. If you wish to know something, ask me and I will tell you.” All I could do was nod. Thankfully Loki left it at that, however I knew this wasn’t the end of it. As much as I had fought to change my ways, fear still had a way of bending me into submission. For as long as I could remember, finding out where I had been or what had happened to me had been the first thought to cross my mind in the morning and the last at night. The answers to the questions that had tormented me for the last four years were finally within reach. And now I was afraid of the one thing I thought I wanted the most. 

I wish that the uneasy feeling that began that afternoon had ended there. But in accordance with my luck, it didn’t. The eerie feeling followed me like a heavy storm cloud. When we went to bed that evening I didn’t sleep well. Nightmares set in every time that my eyes would shut for more than few seconds. I would wake in terror, only to have Loki wrap me in his arms until I could calm down again. By the time morning came, I’d only gotten about an hours worth of sleep and I felt awful. I hadn’t had a night that rough in months. The night terros used to crop up without warning a few times a month until Loki had come along. _I do not miss those days one bit._

The next day at work Loki came to have lunch with me. Normally he would have packed something for me this morning, however since neither of us had gotten any rest last night we decided that soup from the bistro around the corner would suffice. The first thing I noticed when he arrived was that the air felt different when he was around. It was an overwhelming fullness that raised the hairs on the back of my neck. To some degree this was par for the course when being around Loki. There were times when it was worse than others however; I’d never experienced it to this magnitude before. Paired with my lack of sleep and the already unpleasant feeling I’d been having the day before, I found it difficult to even look at him without wanting to run away.

“You look tired.” Loki mentioned, offering me a sourdough roll. 

I scoffed, “That’s an understatement.”

“Nightmares?” I nodded in lieu of a verbal answer to his question. “Would you like to talk about it?” 

Immediately I shook my head, “No. It was just a stupid dream—“

Loki took my hand and that is when I made the mistake of glancing up at him. All at once I was bombarded with the energy that poured off of him. Sitting next to him was **nothing** compared to touching him. It was so unbearable that I violently recoiled. When I looked down at my hands I realized that I my whole body trembling. _I’m losing my mind._ In a desperate attempt to collect myself, I ran my hands over my face. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what is wrong. You know that.”

“It feels like before.” I managed to whisper. Those words struck fear in my heart, as did the mere mention of the months I’d lost in that ward. I didn’t have vivid memories of the time I spent doped out of my mind on antipsychotic meds, however the echoes of recollection were torment enough. 

Loki leaned in with intense focus, “Before what?” 

“Before they put me away.” I whispered, clearing my throat. I had no idea how I was supposed to collect myself enough to return to my desk. There was no way I could pretend that I wasn’t tearing at the seams. Right now all that I wanted to do was go home and crawl under the covers until this was over. However, something told me that no amount of running was going to make this go away. I was going to face this and all of its nasty consequences, whether I was ready for it or not. 

“I won’t let that happen again.” Loki declared. 

“You can’t stop it.” 

“No, I might not be able to stop it but I’ll be damned if anyone is going take you away from me. You will be safe. That is a promise.”

I tried to take comfort in his words and find a reason to smile. Even whilst I was feeling this low and vulnerable, knowing that Loki would protect me was one less burden for me to carry. “Ok.”

This feeling lasted through the rest of week, ebbing and surging from day to day. Before I knew it, it had been more than ten days since I’d had a decent night of sleep. I was barely surviving on the little catnaps that I’d managed to catch between the nightmares that kept me up around the clock. I might have fared better if that had been the only issue I had to face. At this late stage I’d reached a point where I started avoiding him, hoping that somehow the anxious feeling that he instilled would stop if he weren’t around. 

At first Loki was gentle with me and he gave me the space that I needed to cope with this ordeal. However there were too many instances where I’d try to escape and he’d block my path one way or another until I was forced to confront the unpleasant feelings. If I didn’t know any better, it seemed like he knew exactly what he was doing. It felt like he was intentionally forcing me into my discomfort zone. 

“You know most of the neighbors in our building don’t you?” Loki asked. While I pushed the cart, he scanned the shelves for the items on our list. Somehow, against my better judgment I’d allowed him to talk me into grocery shopping tonight. I’d had half a mind to order in until this gloomy spell passed, except Loki wasn’t having any of that. He ran a tight ship and allowing me to slack off on proper nutrition went against everything he stood for. So here we were, in the middle of isle nine searching for bowtie pasta. _Yay._

“No. I know the family upstairs. They like to stomp around at all hours of the night. Then there’s the old lady across the hall. Mrs. Eddie has four hedgehogs and named them after the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That’s everyone I know. Why do you ask?” 

“Earlier today I brought in the mail and we mistakenly received a letter intended for someone by the name of Inge. I wanted to return it to her and I had hoped that you knew which apartment she resided in.” Loki mentioned. Mid stride I stopped in the isle to think. The name sounded familiar, except I couldn’t quite put my finger on why I remembered it. _You knew someone named Inge once. You must have…_ For a lot longer than I realized I was frozen in place, too lost in my thoughts to take another step. The harder I tried to recall the knowledge, the more frustrated I was becoming. _You knew someone named Inge. You know you did!_ “Ele?” Loki called to me and I could tell that it’d happened again. 

My eyes wondered until they found his, however my mind was still lagging behind, struggling with the fact that I’d hit yet another mental block. The last few days had been riddled with moments like these, moments where I’d stumble onto something that would clog the gears in my brain with molasses. As they accumulated my confusion began to worsen into a dull ache that refused to subside. Loki’s hand rested at the small of my back and I snapped out of the daze that I’d fallen into. “I don’t know…I mean I might but I’m not sure.” I managed to answer. My exhaustion had finally driven me to my breaking point. 

“I think I may have seen her a few months ago. You were with me. She’s a bit taller than you, brown hair, olive skin, and brown eyes. When you spoke with her the two of you got along very well.” I started to feel nauseous as Loki continued to speak. _What’s happening to me?_ I swallowed hard, fighting to tamp down the panic that started in my core. “You know Inge—“ 

“STOP IT!” I hadn’t meant to scream at him. The shoppers all around us pause to stare at me. Immediately, my cheeks burned in embarrassment. I didn’t care about the groceries anymore; I just wanted to get the hell out of here. Loki hurried to follow me to the door as I practically ran out of the store. 

“Ele?” Loki called after me as I stormed across the parking lot. My head was pounding and I just wanted to get away from all their judgmental stares on their smug faces. Loki put himself between the car door and me, trying to comfort me.

“Can we just go home? Please? I can’t be out here anymore. I can’t!” My voice was quivering now and I fought to keep the tears from falling while we were still in public. Faster than I could correct, I was spiraling out of control. Tears started to blur my vision when I looked up at him. Rather than wait for him to agree with my plea, I found myself backing away from him. The same fear that I’d felt the day we’d met, surfaced once again. I looked away because if I didn’t I fear that I would loose what little control I still had.

With some reluctance Loki stepped out the of the way and opened the door for me, “Let’s go home.” _You don’t have to tell me twice._ Once we were in the car, the speed limit became nothing more than a suggestion given the state of mind I was currently in. I could feel the other shoe waiting to drop; the impending disaster loomed in the background waiting for me to show vulnerability. When we got home, I flopped down on the sofa and put my head in my hands. It had never happened this fast before. I was scared and exhausted. The worst part was that this was all of **before** my meltdown had even begun. “Love, it’s alright. Tell me what I can do to help.” Loki offered. He rubbed his hand along my back and I pulled away. “Will you at least look at me?” 

I kept my head down, hoping foolishly that if I ignored him he would stop. Everything that he was doing was making this worse for me. Loki’s energy filled the room with his presence and when he touched me it made my skin crawl. He tried to lift my chin again and I whimpered in protest. “No.” If I looked it, something terrible was going to happen. I could feel it in my bones. The next time, he didn’t ask and he wasn’t gentle. Loki held my jaw and turned my head to face him. I hadn’t meant to look at him but when I did, I felt a fork of lightning rip through me.

**_My foot slipped on the wet tile, I fell hard barely breaking my fall but not without hitting my head on the floor. Stunned, I lay there for a few breaths feeling the pounding pain in my head and the ache in my elbow intensifying with the surging of my blood. I lay there for a moment trying to catch my breath before I rolled onto my stomach to pick myself up. My heart leapt into my throat as I found myself lying in a thick sprawling pool of blood. Scrambling to my feet I saw Inge laying face down, just feet from me, motionless and pale. I gasped, it came out as more a horrified yelp as I knelt beside her, my hands trembling and tears filling my eyes._ **

**_“Inge—“_**

I found myself on the carpet, scrambling backward to get away from him. “Why are you doing this?” I pleaded as tears began to fall. 

“I’m trying to help you—“

“Just leave me alone! There’s nothing you can do.” Instead of doing what I asked, Loki continued closer. 

He took me by the arm to help me off the floor, “No, I won’t leave you alone ever again. I am terribly sorry—“ Before I even got the chance to question why he was apologizing, I felt his energy invading me through the small amount of contact that I’d stupidly allowed. 

_**I never took my eyes off Odin. “Escort him to the dungeons.” Odin ordered, never raising his voice. The guards grabbed me, striping my hand from Loki’s and drug me away. Neither of us had the time to tighten our grasps or interlock our finger before they pried me from him.** _

_**“No. Let me go!” I shouted.** _

_**“Don’t touch her!” Loki demanded. He lunged to retaliate for the way they grabbed at me. I saw his dagger materialize into his hand but they caught his arm locking one of his wrists in some kind of thick cuffs.**_

When I fought against Loki’s grasp, Loki tightened his hold on me and I remember screaming in terror. 

_**“Stop! Let me go!” I was screaming, thrashing in their restraint. More guards rushed over to subdue Loki and keep him from reaching for me. If I could just touch him, any small part of him, maybe he could teleport us away from here. We could run far far away from all of this and start over.** _

_**I managed to break away from the man who held me and reach for Loki’s outstretched hand. Our eyes lock and I knew that his thoughts were the same as mine. I was so close, my fingers grazed his palm but then I was grasping air when they tackled him to the floor. My captor caught up to me, ensnaring me in his arms to keeping me from getting closer to Loki.**_

I thrashed to escape his grasp, yet he refused to let me go. I could no longer determine who held me against my will as the boundary between my hallucinations and reality blurred beyond disambiguation. At least the last time I’d lost my mind I could tell what was a part of the delusions and what wasn’t. Whether it was my surroundings or the people I saw, it acted as my anchor to reality, yet in both I saw Loki. I had nothing to cling to anymore.

I managed to snatch myself out of Loki’s grasp. With that freedom I bolted into the bedroom and he hurried after me. I tried to close the door to lock him out but Loki was much stronger than I was. My feeble effort was pointless against him. He had no trouble shoving the door open even as I put my entire weight behind it. “Please just stop.” I begged, gripping my head as the pounding throbbed inside my skull. 

“I can’t do that. Let me take care of you—“

“Go away!” I screamed as I backpedaled away from him. I’d cornered myself between the window and his side of the bed. 

“I can’t, you know that dove.” Loki said in a gentle voice. If only for a moment, I was almost convinced by his sincerity. 

_**Fritjof’s crushing grip snagged my ankle hauling me from beneath the bed. Dragging me, my lower half slid past my skirts until my bare cheeks scrapped across the stone floor. I was completely exposed to him from my navel down, save for my panties. His massive hand struck me across the face and for a few seconds I couldn’t see straight but I could taste the blood from my lip. “I was going to kill you mercifully you little harlot!” He spat grabbing my jaw so tightly I feared he might crush it.** _

_**He shoved one of his knees between my thighs forcing them apart, the rough leather of his pants scratching my sensitive skin. “No!” I pleaded fighting to jerk my head from his grip but all I really managed to do was have him knock my head back against the floor to immobilize me. Now I was screaming as he choked me. “Is this how you scream for him? When your dark prince fucks you?” He hummed hooking the tip of the blade against the edge of my panties. I tried to close my legs but he’d situated his body between them. Frijof snatched his blade back towards him, tearing through the fabric before tossing aside his dagger. With his other hand he bunched my torn underwear, ripped them from me effortlessly.** _

Loki clenched my wrists together in one of his hands, having just dragged me from under our bed. I was kicking and screaming, fighting to get out of his grasp. 

_**I’d never lost sight our goals though everything that we’d done. Not once had I ever questioned Loki and never had he questioned me. We were of one mind feeding off of each other’s strategy, making this work as we went but when Loki had threatened to kill him somehow that had fallen into the background and now I was protecting Thor, pitting myself against my only ally. I wondered towards Thor, kneeling beside the cot. He was awkwardly folded on the hard slab.** _

_**I brushed the hair from his face and realized I’d never seen him so expressionless or quiet. Whenever I saw him he was always boisterous and jovial but never this. I wanted Thor not to be King but not so much that I wanted him dead. Yet this loophole that Loki had found was the best of both worlds. We could win by letting everyone think that he had been killed, making Loki King, and I could learn live with myself knowing that Thor was unharmed. I could come to terms with that far faster than if didn't stand in the way of his murder. Loki’s hands tightened around my biceps, hauling me from my kneeling position to meet his eye. I whimpered when my feet left floor and I could feel the bruises forming under his vice of a grip. The dueling urges were visible in his eyes, the one telling him not hurt the woman he loved and the other that was a breath away from unleashing his fury on me.** _

_**“Now, I need you to banish your empathy and help me finish this. We’ve come too far for you to fuck this up just when victory is within reach.” Loki demanded, shaking me as he spoke. His voice took a cold hardness that told me my answer had better be in the form of compliance. I nodded finally looking over his face; the splatters of blood covering his brow weren’t his own. Against my will I saw the same look in his eyes that I’d seen the night he’d killed Fritjof, the barely contained insanity beneath his veneer of civility. Only this time it was looking back at me, threatening to make an enemy out of me. He wouldn’t actually kill me would he?** _

_**“Ok.” I whispered.** _

I was dizzy with fatigue after wave upon wave of terrifying memories bombarded me. When I stopped fighting him, Loki held me close and tenderly swept the tears from my cheeks. “I’m not going to harm you. I swear.” He whispered. Even as I was trembling in terror, he never wavered. “You are safe with me. Listen to my voice. You have nothing to fear.” He continued to whisper. The calm in his demeanor helped me settle after my ordeal and the words that he spoke offered reassurance. When I looked into his eyes, he became the anchor to reality that I so desperately needed. Then Loki’s lips curved in a comforting smiled, “You’ve been so brave tonight. I know it’s frightening but we’re going to get through this together. Everything will be ok my sweet girl. I love you very much. Do you trust me?” To my own surprise I found myself nodding, vaguely startled by my level awareness. “Good.”

He gathered me in his arms and in my confusion, I held onto him as if my life depended on it. Then he carried me from the bedroom and I rested my head against his chest. As long as he wasn’t about to take me to another hospital, I didn’t care where we ended up. I allowed myself to place my entire faith in him. Not long after that, he was setting me down somewhere. Out of instinct I frantically clawed after him, doing everything in my power not to let him leave me behind. “I need you trust me. I’ll be right back. I promise.” Loki whispered. His voice carried a tone of urgency that I couldn’t quite understand. Again Loki tried to pry my fingers off of his shirt but every time he succeeded, I’d grab onto something new. “Ele, please cooperate. We need to go. I’m not going to leave you alone for more than a few moments. You have to do as I say, right now, or I won’t be able to protect you.” 

Despite the truth in his words, I found that I had little control over myself. The coherent part of me that understood his requests was entirely disconnected from the _other_ me, the one driven by fear and confusion. For the first time I realized there were two pieces of my mind cohabitating in the same body, all while one half was oblivious to the other’s existence. _Let him go. He’ll come back. Loki always comes back. You know that._ When I made the silent command, I felt my other half begin to listen. Slowly, I did as I had instructed. It was a small victory, one that I couldn’t fully appreciate in that moment. Loki pried my hands off of him and then he disappeared. I closed my eyes, humming a quiet melody to keep myself calm. _Loki won’t abandon you. He always comes back for you._ The voice of reason persuaded me to be still, preventing another outburst of unruly discomposure. 

Just as he had promised, Loki was back before I had the chance to miss him. When he took my hand, I tightened my grip until I was sure he’d lost the feeling in his fingers. I began to settle in to the quiet place between consciousness and sleep. An indeterminate amount of time passed while I was lost in this state. All that I could confidently discern was darkness and the quiet pitter-patter of rain against the window. Soon I grew tired, exhausted by the abuses that I’d punished myself with. The temptation of slumber was too great and for the first time in weeks, when I closed my eyes I rested. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Before you panic, the second part will be up tomorrow. Sorry for the cliff hanger. I just really didn't want to upload another 20+ page chapter. Let me know what you think and I promise to have the second part up in 24 hours...give or take 24 hours.


	33. In Sickness and in Health

When I awoke I was disoriented and my mind slowly fought to regain stability. It was as if I had just awakened from a long sleep where my dreams had mirrored reality with unnerving precision. I never feared the horrors of my nightmares or believed in the imaginative creations from my dreams, however this felt real. The frantic confusion that had terrorized me the night before had left but the painful emotions that had been dredged up refused to dissipate in the morning sun. 

I shifted in discomfort, realizing now that I didn’t feel well. My body ached and the sickly chill of a fever prickled my skin. _Gods I hope they have a cure-all brew for this._ I wasn’t looking forward to hunting down a servant to summons a few healers to our rooms. Just the thought of leaving this bed for any reason was unbearable. _Maybe you got lucky and Loki hasn’t gone down to the throne room yet. He’ll take care of you._ I winced the instant I opened my eyes. Bright light streamed through the open curtains, blurring my vision. Once I was able to adjust to the harsh lighting my confusion only worsened. _What the hell? Where am I?_ The ornate stone aches that cross-crossed above our bed were nowhere to be found. Instead there was hideous this stucco in its place. 

Immediately the pit of my stomach twisted in fear and my panic returned like a swift kick the gut. _You weren’t just dreaming all that horrible stuff..._ The anguish and devastation that I’d experienced the morning they took him away came flooding back without tempering. I felt it all vividly. To me, it was like it had just happened a few seconds ago, not the four miserable years that I’d spent without him. Frantically, I looked to my right and instead of finding empty sheets Loki was laying there next to me. Tears gathered in my eyes and prayed this wasn’t another sick hallucination. _He’s really here?_

I sniffled after my emotions got the better of me and Loki woke with a start. “Dove, you’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He assured me, gathering me in his arms. Just hearing his voice for what felt like the first time in eons spurred another wave quiet sobs. Loki held me close and I felt him kiss my temple, “I’m right here love.” I couldn’t stop myself any longer. Now I was openly weeping with joy. We were finally reunited after so long. 

Somewhere in between the tender words he whispered and my ugly crying, I managed to look up at him. Then my sobbing became laughter even as tears continued to steam down my face. That was a visual I’m sure did little to reassure him that he hadn’t broken me. “You came back for me?” I stammered, caressing his face just to be sure that he was real. 

“Of course I came back. I only stepped out for a few minutes—“

“No, you were in chains and they took you away. You came all this way just to find me?” Loki’s eyes darted across my face, searching for any sign that could prove I truly remembered the life that we’d shared. He was afraid to get his hopes up; I could see the fragility in his expression. It was a tug of war between his desire to be hopeful and the fear of false optimism. That conflict was difficult for me to witness without doing something to fix it. “You asked me to marry you the morning of the raid by the fire in your cottage on the outskirts of town. That was when I finally said yes.“ I whispered. 

Loki leaned into my embrace and I could feel the heavy burden lift from his shoulders. He held on to me tighter than the day we’d been torn apart. “I would have searched for the rest of my life if I had to.” 

I smiled at him as he swept away what few tears continued to fall. “I don’t understand. How are you here? Did Odin change his mind?”

“Thor released me and granted me safe passage to the caverns. He did it with Mother’s help of course.” Loki mentioned, however the statement appeared to taste foul and he clearly didn’t want to focus on that detail for very long. 

“Aren’t you glad I didn’t let you kill him?” 

With a great amount of reluctance Loki agreed with me, “He served his purpose.” A deeper dissatisfaction lingered until something worse weighted his heart. “I let him hurt you. We could have run from the palace to another realm and I could have hidden you somewhere safe. Had I listened to you that morning, there would have been enough time for us to escape. I could have protected you.” Loki rested his head against mine, finally laying down the weight of his shame for the first time in years. While I’d only struggled with pieces of my grief and the trouble that it caused me, Loki carried this in the forefront of his mind this entire time. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the anguish this must have caused him. All I wanted to do was take away his pain. 

“Loki it’s not your fault. You didn’t let him hurt me anymore that I let them lock you away. I don’t blame you for this. I’m not angry with you for what’s happened. The only thing I care about is that you came back to me.” I kissed his cheeks more times than I could count. He was real. “How did Thor get you out? I don’t understand. How could you just walk out of the dungeons without anyone noticing?“ I stammered.

“It’s a long story, one I’d rather not upset you with at the moment.” Of course that only served to stoke my curiosity. However I had no trouble shelving that conversation for another time. 

“I missed you so much. Loki how could I look you in the face everyday for months and still not recognize you?” I rested my head against his shoulder and tightened my arms around him. 

“It was the curse. You had no control over which memories were kept from you—“

“Then how come I remembered some bits and pieces? I remembered your name! I even dreamt of being in Asgard with you. Whenever I lost control of myself…I saw you. I **know** I did!” 

Loki frowned, “You were stronger than Odin anticipated. When he cursed you, he didn’t imprison your consciousness with its effects the way he should have. Remember when I almost lost you to the void?” I nodded in understanding. _How could I ever forget it?_ “Since that night, your devotion to me runs deeper than the bonds flesh and binds more eternally than any marital vow. That is not something that a superficial memory curse could ever supersede. You would have searched for me long after your corporeal form perished. I can’t imagine a fate worse than that. It’s certainly not a punishment befitting of the act you were complicit to.” Loki explained, his expression turning grim at the mere thought of it. 

This truth didn’t sit well with him. Hell it shouldn’t have sat well with me either, yet I refused to focus on the negatives. For the first time in years I felt whole and all of the noise that had clouded the recesses of my mind had fallen silent. Every piece of me was here in the moment and I was with my husband the way it was meant to be. Inhaling his scent, I took comfort in the fact that I was in Loki’s arms once more. _And I **know** that I’m here this time._ With the shock of our reunion starting to abate, other details began to filter through the excitement. “I think I’m coming down with a cold.”

“I’ve noticed. Your body is exhausted and you need time to recuperate.”

“I feel like shit.” I muttered. 

“If it is any consolation, you don’t look like it.”

I chuckled weakly, “You are far too kind.” Loki took that opportunity to pull the blanket over my shoulders. “Where are we?”

“A motel.” He answered, taking his time to tenderly brush my hair over my ear. 

I felt my expression skew with confusion. “Why?” 

“I don’t know if you remember how upset you were last night. Several of our neighbors called the police. I was not going to allow them to take you back to that ward again. So, I put you and Kat in the car—“

“Wait! You drove my car here!?”

“Yes. I’ve escaped from prison, sacrificed the grand majority my seidr, conjure all kinds of dark magics to travel between the realms and searched these lands for more than a year in your time. Why would you think I’d hesitate to drive a few hours to protect you?”

“A few hours!? Where are we? Have you ever driven a car before?”

“No, not once. I didn’t want to stop until you fell asleep. Once I was sure that you wouldn’t give me any more trouble, we came here. I believe we are in…South Carolina? I stopped paying very much attention to the signs after a while.” Aside form the fact that we could have died with him behind the wheel; I found that to be at least somewhat heartwarming. Then I noticed the scratches that scarred his forearm. Weakly, I held out his arm to assess the full extent of his injuries and my stomach dropped in distress. Deep, angry, red nail marks crisscrossed his skin. There were even _several_ bite marks too. He must have seen the horror in my eyes because he lifted my chin to meet his gaze. “These wounds will heal. You were afraid and you weren’t aware what you were doing. For what it’s worth, it gives me great comfort to know that you can put up a one hel of a fight.”

“Geez Loki, did you just let me attack you?” I started to look him over for more injuries and if I wasn’t mistaken, he was even sporting a black eye. Loki moved my hand away from his face in defense of the bruised area. “I’m so sorry—“

“Don’t apologize. You were afraid and confused, so you defended yourself. There was never malice in your heart. I know that.”

“You still look like you lost a fight.” I insisted.

“What I gained was worth the abuse. Believe me, I’ve taken worse beatings than this. I have you and that is all that I care about.” Before I had the chance to find another reason to protest Loki kissed me. I felt his longing in every gesture. He’d missed me and I had missed him more. Soon Loki turned me onto my back so that I was entirely at his mercy. He handled me with care, caressing and worship my body as if he’d recovered a rare and delicate treasure. 

I pulled away, halting our progression so that I could gaze up at him again. His face was a sight I’d never tire of. “I still fell in love with you.”

“You didn’t make it easy for me.” Loki added. 

I smiled, “ _You_ did though. Loving you is the easiest thing in the world.” And once again he chose actions instead of words. I gave myself to him fully and without reservation. When we made love it was as if we’d been apart for years even though I’d spend the last several months by his side. I just couldn’t get enough of him. For four long years, every part of me that had cried out for him had been forcing into silenced until now. The prolonged despair spilled over into this desperate passion and no other concern could outshine this one. 

Once we’d exhausted ourselves, Loki held me close. I found myself raking my fingers through his hair, simply enjoying the fact that I could. “I’ve never seen your hair this short.” 

“I was conforming to Midgardian customs—“

“That was smart. Don’t get me wrong, you look great like this but…I like it when you when you look like yourself. I don’t want you to change for me or anyone else.” 

Loki grinned and I felt his hand moving up my side, “Noted.” At that moment Kat scratched at the bathroom door and I glanced across the room, half startled by the noise. I’d forgotten that we had a dog until now. 

“We have a dog.” I whispered, looking to him for confirmation. 

“ _You_ have a dog. I tolerate her.” Loki corrected. 

“Oh spare me your lies dear husband. You love her. That much I do remember.” I giggled.

“We were just about to release her into the wild. It’s understandable if you don’t recall this. I’ll get rid of her the instant we get home.” Loki mentioned, though I could see through his thinly veiled sarcasm. 

“We’re not getting rid of her. If she goes missing, you’re sleeping on the couch for the next year.” 

He shrugged, “It may be worth it to keep dog vomit off my jackets.” Loki rebutted. He didn’t give me the chance to argue him before he stole another kiss. 

“Will you get over the jacket? I already said I’ll buy you another one. I better not wake up tomorrow morning to find out you her pawned off on craigslist.”

“I wouldn’t even know how to do that.” Loki chuckled. 

“Good. We should go home. Right now all I want is soup, my bed, and you of course.“

“As you wish.” Loki pulled himself from under the covers and began to gather his belongings off the bedside table. It wasn’t as though we’d packed very much of anything. All of my belongings were piled in the chair across the room. When I tried sitting up, I found that I was weaker than I thought. _Where did you find the energy to get frisky a few minutes ago? You definitely have the plague._ With significant difficulty, I managed to sit upright in bed. Meanwhile, Loki had gone to get Kat from the bathroom. Before he could secure her leash, she slipped through the open doorway and bounded towards me. For some strange reason, she stopped in her tracks halfway across the room. Kat looked at me then back at Loki for reassurance. It was like I had become a stranger to her overnight.

“Kat, it’s still me you silly waffle.” I whispered. She reluctantly crept a bit closer to sniff my hand, only to back away and hide behind Loki. “I can’t believe this. I raised you since you were eight weeks old and now you don’t know me?” Kat tilted her head, emoting the universal confused dog expression.

“Give it a week. She will come around.” Loki mentioned as he came to help me stand. Being on my feet was a whole new struggle. I even had to hold onto Loki while I got dressed. After that we headed down to the car and he insisted that I let him drive. It went against my better judgment, yet somehow I let Loki convince me to go along with it. While he was checking out at reception I waited in the car with Kat. 

“If I can remember you, you should remember me.” I stated, reaching to pet her. Once again Kat recoiled, turning her attention back to the window so that she could keep an eye on Loki. I knew this shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did to some degree. Not long after that Loki returned and casually slid into the drivers seat as if this was nothing out of the ordinary. “Are you sure you can do this?” 

He smirked, “Yes. I got us here alive didn’t I?” 

His answer wasn’t all that reassuring. “I sure hope your driving is better than your parking because we _really_ need to work on that.” 

“You can trust me.” Given how awful I felt, I decided that it was probably best that he drive us home. I was in no condition to be behind the wheel. So without another word of protest, I fasten my seatbelt and hoped to make it back in once piece. 

Riding with Loki was nerve-wracking to say the least. _He’s not a huge fan of the turn signal._ Somehow we managed to avoidbeing run off the road by a few angry drivers. _Because he also cut off like seven people…and a **fucking semi-truck!**_ After a while it was easier for me to just cover my eyes. When we got home, the keypad on the lobby door became my next challenge. Rather than hurry me along Loki pressed the buttons slowly, making sure that I was watching as he did so. It felt like I was learning to walk again. The details of my life here in Midgard had turned foggy as distant and recent memories tried to organize themselves in my head. That feeling only intensified once we got inside. Before I knew it, I was wondering through our tiny home in awe. It felt like I’d been away for weeks, not a couple hours. 

“Are you alright?” Loki asked me. 

I nodded and gave him a gentle smile, “I never thought that we could have this together.” I answered. 

Loki looked confused, “What didn’t you think that we could have?” 

“Our own life. We have a home that’s truly ours. Yes, there was that time where we had the palace but it wasn’t _ours_ in the same sense. This is 150% mine and yours. Nobody gave us anything and we didn’t have to take it either. I have a job that I like, we have a dog, and we’re happily married…this is everything that I’ve always wanted.” I answered and suddenly my gaze turned downward and I remembered something else that we’d **almost** had together. _We almost had a family too._ I swallowed back the resurgence of emotion. It wasn’t a good idea to dwell on that. Seeming to sense my moment of weakness, Kat brush against our knees and I remembered the little family that we already had. This was more than enough for me. 

I don’t think he knew exactly what was going through my mind, however he was always very adept at reading my expression. “I will have your soup ready in a few minutes. Take a shower then lie down. Let me worry about everything else.” Loki guided me back to the bedroom and sat me on the edge of the bed before starting my shower. Afterwards he returned to the kitchen and Kat prance alongside him. I was a little disappointed that she didn’t stick around to keep me company. Now that I was on my own, I peeled out of my cloths and forced myself to go bathe. While I stood under water, I started to think. We were fortunate. Yes, I had lost a great deal in getting to this point, but there was still so much to be thankful for. I had Loki, I remembered our past even when I shouldn’t and we had gotten another opportunity to be together. No matter what, I wasn’t going to squander this. _And I’m not going to let my wayward husband screw it up either._

When I finally got to collapse in bed, I closed my eyes to thank Thor and Frigga for this second chance. If they truly were gods, maybe they could hear my silent prayers. _Thank you for giving him back to me._ I settled under the heavy blankets just as Loki returned with a bowl of baked potato soup.

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Anything.” Loki responded. 

“Why don’t I recall you using magic since you’ve been here?” 

Loki looked away and I saw his jaw clench. “I’ve sacrificed most of it in order to be here. What is left of my seidr is weak. It takes the majority of my power to shield us from Heimdal’s sight. I conserve my energy in case of emergencies, otherwise I would be perpetually defenseless.”

“What happened?”

“It was a condition of my release. The only way for me to escape was to leave a clone in my place. I was aware that the distance would diminish my abilities to some degree, however I neglected to take several other factors into account. The barriers of my prison cell were enchanted with curses that were meant to confine my magic within its boundaries. The energy required to produce a semi-sentient projection, like the one I left behind, is immense. So when I escaped, the clone stayed behind and the barriers trapped a part of my seidr within that cell.” Loki suddenly looked downtrodden. I didn’t quite understand what he’d gone through. What I did know, was that it didn’t seem to have been a pleasant experience.

“Did it hurt?” Loki fed me a spoon full of soup.

“It was excruciating.”

“Is it any better now?”

He shrugged, “Yes and no. The pain isn’t the same as it was in the beginning. I still find myself attempting to perform simple charms out of habit. It’s a part of me that has been within reach for centuries. So naturally it has taken some adjustment but it will repair itself. It’s just going to take some time.”

“How long will that take?” 

“Another two or three hundred years at worst.” 

It still astonished me when he mentioned centuries so casually. “Is there anything I can do to make it more bearable for you?” 

Loki just laughed, leaning lower to kiss my forehead. “Here you are, bedridden after suffering through your own ordeal and your first thought is to comfort me.”

“Yes. You’re a part of me. When you hurt, I hurt.” I whispered. 

“All I ask of you is that you not give me a reason to overexert myself. My endurance is what has suffered the most. The weaker I am, the longer it will take for me to regain my strength.” Loki replied, feeding me another spoonful of soup. I could have fed myself however; I let him take care of me because I could see how badly he wanted to. After I finished my soup, Loki tucked me in bed with explicit instructions not to leave it without his say so. _Not that I wanted to anyway._

I dozed for a few hours and when I woke, not only had I sweated a puddle in the bed; I noticed that Kat had come to visit. She’d perched herself on the foot of our bed to watch over me. Kat still kept her distance, but this was a good start. “Loki must not know you’re in here. You know how he feels about you being on the bed.” I listened to the stillness in our apartment. A little voice began to question if he had ever been here at all. _Maybe it was all just another hallucination?_ However, the sight of his t-shirt poking out of the laundry bin put that fear to rest. 

Almost on cue the front door opened and I heard Loki bringing in a few grocery bags. Without a second of hesitation, Kat leapt off the bed to go fuss at him. Being the nosey hardheaded person that I am, I carefully climbed out of bed to see what he’d gotten up to as well. The instant Loki saw me standing in the doorway, a frown creased his expression. “You should be resting.” He admonished. 

“My fever broke while you were out.” I mentioned, wrapping the blanket tighter around myself as I inched closer. 

“It’s going to spike again. Get back in the bed.” Loki began unloading the groceries when I noticed him taking a bunch of pill bottles and dried herbs from one of the bags. They were all the kind that I’d found a little too hippie-dippy to paying top dollar for.

“What’s all this?” When I went inspect one of the bottles, Loki took it out of my hand. 

“I’m brewing—“

“A cure for the common cold? Excuse me while I go alert the medical community—“ My body quickly punished me for being such a smartass by having me I cough until I wheezed. 

“I’m brewing tea. It will help you get over this illness.”

I managed to catch my breath enough to inspect another one of the bottles that he hadn’t kept away from me. “You’re making tea from this?”

“Yes. While these aren’t my first choice of ingredients, it is the best I could find on such short notice. I’ve done some research and Midgard has many of the herbs I use in my own brews.”

“Can I just take my chances with some Nyquil? I don’t know how I feel about you mixing and brewing tea with these sketchy ingredients.” Rather than take my advice, Loki escorted me back to the bedroom. 

“When I was a child, Mother used to brew this for me whenever I fell ill. Had you read any of the books that I provided, you would have mastered this recipe yourself.” Loki chided. He confiscated my blanket to ‘encourage’ me to seek warmth under the covers on our bed. 

“Well I couldn’t read at the time…in case _you’ve_ forgotten. You didn’t exactly give me an audiobook. So please, accept my apologies for not mastering your mother’s flu tea recipe yet—“

“I hadn’t forgotten Ele. Now stay put before you get me sick—“

I laughed, “That ship has sailed buddy! The way you were up in my cookies this morning…I’ll be shocked if you last through the end of the week.”

“Well then you had better get well soon, for your sake and mine.”

“I’ll take care of you sweetie. Or we could be sick together. I’m down for a fever buddy. Come to think of it, I’ve never actually seen you sick before.”

“I had hoped to keep it that way.” Loki interjected, having to push me into a horizontal position once more. Normally when I felt this yucky I couldn’t even stand. I suppose the excitement of having Loki and my memory back was enough to overshadow my symptoms. “I’m going to brew your tea and you’re going to drink all of it. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.” In the interest of my health, I stayed put this time. In the kitchen Loki mixed together the concoction that he said would help me get better. For the most part it smelled nice, so I wasn’t at all nervous when he brought a steaming mug to me a short while later. “Is there mint in this?” I asked, as I tried to smell the hot brew in my cup. 

“Yes. You need to drink it while it’s hot.” Loki instructed.

I took a cautious sip then cringed in disgust. “It tastes like rusty nails and quarters”

“Drink it. You will feel much better after you do.” I groaned and took advantage of my lack of smell to get down another mouthful. That one was just as horrible as the last, but I trusted that Loki knew what he was doing. 

Then there was a knock at the front door. Without hesitation he gave me the look that told me to stay in bed before he went to see who was there. A few minutes later he returned, carrying an unmarked envelope in his hand. “Who was at the door?”

“The building manager—“

“What did he want?”

“He came to deliver this. We earned another noise complaint for our performance last night.” Loki replied. 

I sat up quickly, “That’s not an eviction notice is it?” 

“No. Though I suspect we aren’t very far from it. One more infraction and we will have a month to vacate the premises.” I groaned and buried my face under the covers. “Don’t fret. We will sort this out later.” Loki laid down beside me, wrapping his arms around my middle to cuddle closer. I could tell by the coolness of his skin that my fever was climbing once again. 

“As long as you’re here it will be.” Loki kissed the nape of my neck and I relaxed in his embrace. I loved this man with all my heart. If I’d ever had any doubt about his devotion before, last night was proof enough that I’d found myself a keeper. He had risked his life, taken an beating, and had given away some of the best parts of himself just to save me. I don’t know that I could have done the same for him. Not for lack of trying, but because I wasn’t as strong as he was. On our wedding day, Loki had vowed to protect and cherish me for the rest of his life. As far as I was concerned he’d already exceeded those grandiose those promises. From that moment I was sure that the love we shared would never die. _No matter what._

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm curious to hear your thoughts. It's been a long time coming and I know how badly you all wanted Ele to remember. So now she does. I appreciate your patience and dedication to this story even though it took me WAY longer to get around to this part than I ever intended. I wanted her to remember in a way that felt natural for them and I hope that that came through in these last two chapters. As you can imagine their story is about to take on a whole different direction which I am very excited about. I have some fun things in store for the two of them. And a few surprises too. Per usual, it's getting to be that time of year again and the instant finals finish having their way with me...I'm on a writing spree to make up for lost time. The next chapter will be up soonish. ;)


	34. Silver Tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and **smut**

“Were you aware that you occasionally sleep with your eyes open? I’m not sure how I am just now discovering this.” 

I turned to him, “No, how would I know that Loki?” 

“Is that something all Midgardians do? I’ll have you know that _that_ is one of the most disturbing things I have ever witnessed in the middle of the night. I thought you were dead, until your eyes started twitching that is—“

“Is that why you scared the bejesus out of me last night?” 

“I scared you? You’re fortunate that is all that I did to you.”

I giggled at his seriousness, “Oh am I now? The eye twitching was REM sleep by the way, something you couldn’t possibly have any experience with if you’re up every night watching _me_ catch some Zs.” 

“I’m getting you one of those sleep masks. That way, I won’t have to see your eyes rolling in the back of your skull when I turn over.”

“Or…here’s a crazy idea…you could go to sleep too.” 

I saw the ghost of a smile threaten touch his expression. “You and I both know that isn’t likely to happen.” 

Loki took my hand as we strolled and I leaned against him. “You’re such a creep and yet I love you anyway. What exactly does that say about me?”

“It says that you are a decent judge of character with questionable morals.” 

It was hard to argue with that kind of conviction, so I easily accepted his determination. “I think I can live with that.” 

Loki and I had decided to take a walk after dinner to get some fresh air. Now that he lived with me, he spent a significant portion of his day indoors. Before, he used to wonder around town, bartering things here and there to kill time until I got home from work. However, Loki had run out of things to trade and there was very little to keep him occupied beyond the honey-do list I prepared each morning. 

When he wasn’t doing that I assume he read. We’d already been to the library four times this week. He’d even devised a scheme to trick the system into thinking he’d returned books that he wanted to keep. The small shelf that I had in the living room was rapidly filling with these stolen volumes. For the most part I pretended not to notice. Though sooner or later we were going to have to switch branches. The librarians were bound to realize their shelves were getting sparser every time we showed up. As concerning as Loki’s kleptomania should have been, I didn’t find it that far out of the norm for him. _He could be doing worse things._

For as long as I had known him, Loki had always preferred pages to people. But in these last few weeks, I’d noticed his passion morphing into a coping mechanism. I knew my husband as well as I knew myself and I could see that our current arrangement was getting to him. Loki didn’t like to be at anyone’s mercy, not even mine. And as much as it ate away at him, he never complained. That fact was never clearer than it was right now. There was a sullen look in his eyes, the one that would often surface when I left him alone with his thoughts for too long.

Rather than let our silence stand, I decided to distract him with more conversation. “Meg invited us on a double date with them tomorrow night. We’re going to the new Hibatchi restaurant that just opened near work then the bar. It’s lady’s night and they have $1 shots. She says she wants to see you dance.” 

“She is going be inconsolably disappointed” Loki muttered. _Your lack of enthusiasm is extraordinary._

Even when I discussed it with Meg earlier, I knew that I’d have a hard time convincing him to come out with us. I’d just held out hope that he would have made it a little easier for me. “You’ll come won’t you?”

“If it would please you then I will endure it. Otherwise, I’m sure I will never hear the end of it—“

“Geez Loki, we finally get invited somewhere and you make it sound like organized torture. I promise it’ll be fun. Besides, what the hell are we going to do other than sit on the sofa and watch reruns? I’m not retired yet. Let’s have a night on the town like mature, well-adjusted adults. Please?” 

“If that is what being an adult means to you, then I suppose you’ll think that I have been doing it wrong for the last two hundred years or better.” Loki mentioned. 

I frowned, “You could make friends with Devin…” Loki glanced at me, his expression calling bullshit on that statement. “Fine. You can be the wallflower while Meg and I get our party on. Just don’t do anything unspeakable to her husband. Deal?” I suppose getting Loki to agree to come was half of the battle. Getting him to enjoy it was going to be the **real** challenge.

“I’m not going to make any promises.”

“Well…you should try to get to know him because I’ve decided that we’re inviting them over for next week. We’re going to try out a new dinner recipe I found online and I’m going to get a few new games from the thrift shop—“

“We barely have enough room for ourselves and your dog in our apartment. Now you want to bring two addition people into such close quarters?” Loki asked quickly. 

“Yes, I do. We keep it clinically clean at your insistence and they’re not going to care that it’s a little tight. Are you worried that they will judge us for how we live?” I asked. 

“No. I couldn’t be less concerned about their perceptions of us.”

“You just don’t want visitors?” He didn’t need to speak for me to gather that this was his dilemma. Mildly disappointed, I decided to pry a little harder. “I had a feeling that you were pretending to like Midgard while I was cursed. I just didn’t think that when you let your façade slip you’d be _this_ miserable underneath it.”

“I’m not miserable—“

“Of course not Loki. Where would I get such an idea? You don’t like it here. I’m trying to make the best of a shitty situation by making friends and building a life from the hand we’ve been dealt. Yes, you’re happy with me, but everything else is…insufferable. I can see it. ”

“That isn’t true. You’re looking for something to be wrong and thus you’ve found it.”

“You detest Midgard don’t you?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth Ele.” His tone became curt and impatient with my persistence. _Now he’s irritated. Great job!_

At first I went to protest further, but then I decided that this conversation was one best had when he’d be in a better mood. However, the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that this **was** his better mood. _Would you stop being so self-centered? You’re asking too much of him, too quickly!_. If I were completely honest with myself, this was nothing more than his normal reclusive personality presenting itself. Loki hadn’t been a socialite back in Asgard, so why did I expect that to change just because we were here. While I was still riding the elation that came with having control over my own thoughts for the first time in years, I’d allowed myself to forget that this whole ordeal had been even worse for Loki. His suffering hadn’t ended the night I regained my memories; it was lessened. 

I’d missed him and we were finally together after years of separation, but at least I was home. Loki had been forced from the only realm he’d known, lost more than I could even comprehend and he still put my well being before his own. The least I could was allow him the space and privacy that he needed. “Sorry. I just want you to be happy here. I shouldn’t assume what shape happiness takes for you. You would tell me if you were truly miserable, right?” 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“Someone has to look out for you, right? I promised not to keep anything from you ever again. Sometimes it was easier to run away from you than to engage the feelings I was having. All of that’s behind me now. I don’t want you to start down a similar that path when you don’t have to. Things will get better for us Loki. I know they will. They have to.”

In lieu of a verbal response, Loki kissed my temple. I decided to leave him an open invitation. Sooner or later he always came to me for comfort, even if he outright refused to acknowledge that that was what he was doing. _Lucky for him, I don’t mind calling a spade a spade._ “My paperwork came in the mail today.” 

“That’s great! We should call Benson and think him for helping us out. He sure saved our bacon, didn’t he?” 

“I had planned to ask you for his number when we returned home.” 

“I’ll send it to you now. Have you heard anything back from the jobs we applied to last week?” I asked.

Loki shook his head. Immediately I could tell that he was getting discouraged, which was never a good sign because after discouragement there was frustration. A frustrated Loki could be very unpredictable and even down right destructive if I didn’t intervene. “No, I haven’t.” 

“You know what, I should ask Kevin if you can have my old job. I don’t think he’s taken anyone else on since I left. It’d be perfect for your until we can find something better. It’s not glamorous but he’s easy to work with. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that sooner.” 

“It looks as though we both have some calls to make when we get home.” Loki added. 

“Looks like we do.” I smiled up at him, hoping that this would soften his stony expression. 

With that we circled back to our building and got to work on our respective tasks. Kevin didn’t answer so I left a message, which was a bit disappointing. I’d wanted to give Loki at least some good news today. When I headed back into the bedroom to find him, he had already gone to take a shower. “Looks like I’m going to have to try something different, Kat. How do you feel about getting sexiled for an hour or two?” She looked away in disinterest, before prancing back into the living room. _Smart choice._

While Loki was in the shower, I hurried over to the closet to pull down one of the boxes from the top shelf. Tucked inside, I found the lingerie that the old me had been to shy too wear. _The **real** me has zero shame_. There was a black lace corset with matching thongs and a flirty silk robe. I’d spent more of my paycheck on this than I was proud to mention. Without further deliberation, I peeled out of my cloths and slipped into these skimpy underthings. Then I looked in the mirror and smiled at what I saw. The tight bodice accentuated my curves beautifully. Loki was sure to enjoy this. _He better._ At the bottom of the box, I found a deep green ribbon. I tied it around my neck and fastened it in a neat bow. 

At that moment, I heard the water stop running. So I grabbed the silken robe from bed and hurried out of the room. Once I was in the living room, I shooed Kat onto the balcony and tossed one of her favorite toys out there to keep her busy. 

“Hey Loki? Can you come help me? I’m stuck.”

“You’re stuck?”

“Yeah, I’m stuck in something.” I corrected. That answer seemed to perplex him and I heard Loki making his way to find me. He emerged from the bedroom, still wet from his shower with his towel wrapped around his waist. 

“You said you were stuck.” He stated. 

“I am stuck. I need you to help me get out of this. It’s kind of tight.” I did my best to keep my voice innocent and flirty. _Loki still wasn’t immune to that little trick._ A slow smile crept across his cheeks. Even if that little grin were the most that I could get from him, I’d consider it a victory. Loki beckoned me closer and I did as he asked. I stopped just close enough for him to reach out and part the front of my robe. When he revealed the delicate lingerie beneath, his eyes poured over me, taking in the sight hungrily. “Do you think you could help me?”

He chuckled, “I can try.”

“I need you to do better than that. Don’t try. Do.” My fingers skimmed the dark trail of hair that traveled south on his lower stomach. Just before I reached his junk, I traced along the edge of the towel, teasing it farther undone. “I know you can do that, dear husband.” Then I stepped closer to him. My breasts pressed against his body and I tenderly kissed the underside of his jaw.

“Ele, what are you trying to do to me?” The way that he said my name left butterflies in my stomach. His voice was husky, deepened with tenuously repressed need. I could hear how I was affecting him. All of this resistance was Loki’s way of convincing himself to admit defeat and I refused to even acknowledge it. 

“I’m not trying to do anything sneaky. You’ve taken such good care of me over the last few months. Ever since you set foot in the Christa’s that day—probably even long before that, you watched over me and kept my safe.” I kissed his chest, “I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been for you. So, I think it’s only fair that I thank you with a little present. I even put a bow on it, just for you.” I whispered. This time I tugged on the towel until it fell around his ankles. Absently, Loki’s thumb caressed the swell of my lower lip and I watched his eyes drift lower to admire its fullness. I let the end of his digit slide into the heat of my mouth so I could give him a bit of a preview of the potential services at his disposal. When I looked into his eyes, I saw the instant that his resolve shattered. 

Loki brought me closer to draw in a deep breath of my scent. _I love it when he does that._ My fingers swept through his hastily toweled hair. I wondered if he intended to take my advice and let it grow out a bit. I’d never been into the longhaired look, however I **had** learned to like it on him. Even though it was still relatively short, it was beginning to get curly again. While I was busy sightseeing, Loki tugged at the tail of my ribbon, until the bow lost its shape. I moved my hand lower to move through the dark curls that adorned his manhood. “Don’t tease me.” Loki cautioned.

“I’m provoking you. There’s a difference.” I whispered. I splayed my hand to graze his cock with tempting friction. My fingers carefully curl beneath his balls to give them a gentle squeeze. _I have no intention of coming out of this unscathed._ My backsass earned me a light reprimand. Loki’s fingers clenched in my hair near the roots. It was mostly painless. He only did this when he wanted to be completely in control. Using my hair as a guide, he kissed me with a tenderness that didn’t quite align with the stern force he’d used in tandem. _Not that I was complaining. I enjoyed every second of it._

Loki’s lips began to venture lower, moving along the sensitive column of my neck to the busy fullness of my cleavage. The corset I’d donned boosted the girls upwards, though it did nothing to conceal. Loki never relaxed his grip on my hair. He tugged my head backward so that I was forced to give him complete access to the delicacies before him. He left stinging kisses along the swells of my breasts until he laved at one of the taut brown buds. 

My lady parts were already jealously aching to be touched. Then Loki leaned against me so that I had no choice but to take a step back. He continued to steer this way, urging me along until the back of my knees collided with the arm of the sofa. I stopped the instant I teetered off balance, grasped onto his shoulders to keep from tumbling backwards. Then Loki kicked my legs apart, widening them until he was satisfied with my stance. Without so much as a warning, Loki shoved me onto the sofa and I yelped as landed on the cushions. 

He loomed over me, taking his time to taste my lips or nip them occasionally. By the time he’d begun to journey south, I was breathless and on edge. Loki took his time, admiring the shapeliness of my waist in this getup. Hell, if he reacted this way every time I crawled into something tight and saucy, I desperately needed to expand my collection. Abruptly Loki retreated and at first I was bereft. I didn’t understand why he’d robbed me of the closeness that I so desperately needed. It all became clear the instant Loki pulled me by the hips until my lower end rested atop the arm of the sofa. 

Loki knelt against the end of the sofa, which gave him wonderful view of my delicate parts.  
He kissed my thighs, moving closer to the place I needed his attention the most. Every time that I was sure that he would finally press his mouth to the tender flesh he would divert his focus. After several torturous near misses, I groaned in frustration. “Loki, don’t tease me.” 

He laughed at my agony and even the gentle flutter of his breath set my teeth on edge. “I’m provoking you. Apparently, there is a difference.” _Damn you for using my own taunt against me._ There was nothing I could say to rebut him. I was effectively silenced by my own desperation. He even went so far as grazing my sex with the end of his nose before kissing her over the fabric. I only realized that my body was trembling when I let out a slow breath and I felt it eave me as a shaky sigh.

Finally taking pity on me, Loki gave in to my headiness. He pealed the lacy panties off of me and I could feel the dampness that my excitement had wept onto them. Loki ran his fingers along my seam, toying with my clit for a moment. My hips writhed against the intimate touch. “Be patient dove, I will give you what you need.” He whispered. Though, despite his gentle words, my body acted on it’s own, fighting to find relief from any friction it could. I hadn’t meant to disobey him; I just needed more than he was giving. Then Loki rested my legs over his shoulders, settling in for the main event. This new angle forced me into a position where I was entirely reliant on his support. 

Only after he had robbed me of all other means of pleasure did he taste me. Loki’s tongue traced the line of my womanhood to lap up my essence before venturing into the source. I moaned deeply as my back arched off of the cushions. He began to suck on my clit, alternating with the heavenly flicking until I was robbed of all coherent thought. I clenched my fingers in his hair to urge him to give me more. _Damn. No wonder your nickname is silver tongue._ Somehow, Loki managed to keep me from reaching my culmination. Each time that I’d feel it rushing towards me, he’d slow his actions to prolong my agony. 

When I could manage, I watched him devour me. He feasted like I was the last meal he would ever have. _And I was delicious._ Then just as suddenly as this had all begun, Loki righted himself. An irrational wave of terror shot through me. I didn’t want to be left so unfulfilled. I was either going to implode or cry, maybe even both if he didn’t return to finish the job immediately. To my relief Loki beckoned me onto his lap and I saw for the first time just how hard and heavy his manhood had become. Loki needed relief just as desperately as I did and I was more than happy to give him an outlet. I reached between us to guide him into my slick blossom and then I began to ride him. 

While I moved my hips, Loki pulled me onto him so that he could penetrate deeper with each thrust. A moment ago the only sounds that had filled the room had been my impassioned cries and the juicy kisses he’d given my womanhood. While crude, it had its appeal. However, the desperate sighs of my husband at the cusp of orgasm were even more satisfying. When I climaxed I felt my inner muscles clench him like a vice and he fell silent. It was as if his soul had left his body through the end of his dick. All that I could do was hold him, while he slowly regained his faculties. After Loki collected himself a bit, he kissed my collarbone and I felt his fingers exploring the flirty lacework along my ribs. 

“Where did you get this ridiculous thing?”

I giggled and kissed his jaw, “A lady never tells.” 

“The lady does if she wants more of them.” Loki countered. His shameless appreciation for my wardrobe choice was unexpected. 

“Online. There’s a neat little store that you would have far too much fun browsing.” Loki let me kiss him again. If it weren’t for a little bit, I might have tried to seduce him right into round two. 

“As much as I hate to agree with you, you are probably right. I would forgo food just to see you in this any day of the week.” Loki chuckled. 

“Once you got hungry enough, I’m sure reason would kick in. You’re far too logical for your baser instincts to have that much control over you.” 

“You bewitch me Ele. You always have and you always will.” As he spoke, I noticed Loki staring into the space behind me. A deepening furrow of irritation settled into his brow. Out of curiosity, I looked over my shoulder to see what had caught his attention. Of course, Kat had parked herself right in front of the glass door to watch. 

“She’s a grade-a pervert. I really hope she doesn’t understand what she just saw.“

“Of course she understands. They only know two things, food and—“

“Fucking? How long do you think she’s been standing there watching like that?” Loki turned my head back to face him. I snickered to myself, “Well, at least it wasn’t one of our kids.” I ran my fingers through Loki’s hair and watched him crack a smile.

“You can rest assured that I would never risk traumatizing our children with such a performance.” Loki mentioned. 

“No one ever means to Loki. It just happens. Then we come up with some easily digestible story about how we’re _wrestling_ and explain to them that that _‘Daddy isn’t hurting Mommy.’_ Once they stop freaking out, we send them back to their room and hope they don’t crawl in bed with us. Then when they’re older, they get to live with those traumatizing scars like the rest of us.” I laughed. 

“You would let them into bed with us?” Loki asked, although the look on his face betrayed a mixture of confusion and outright disagreement. 

I shrugged, “From time to time. You know how kids are. Sometimes they’re afraid of the dark or they just don’t want to sleep alone. I don’t see any harm in tucking them between us ever now and again. Why? Wouldn’t you?” I asked him. 

“No, I wouldn’t.” Loki countered. 

I kissed his forehead, “Too bad I don’t believe you. You think you’re Mr. Tough Guy but the instant you lay your eyes on our baby girl, you’re going to spoil her rotten.” 

“You would like that wouldn’t you?”

“It’s not about what I would like. I know you. You’re son would get away with murder and your little princess would get away with **far** worse. The least of our worries will be sharing our bed with the little terrors.” 

“If they are anything like you, I will gladly take my chances on a sofa before I will subject myself to that battle on the nightly basis.” 

“Oh come on Loki, I’m not that bad—“

“Yes, you are. You don’t like to share the blankets or space on the mattress. When I do manage to have my share of the two, you put your knees in unfortunate places. I have no intention of dodging abuse from you and our child just to sleep in my own bed.” Loki mentioned as a smirk turned the corners of his lips. 

“We will just have to wait and see then won’t we.” I challenged. My phone rang on the end table and I saw that it was Kevin returning my call. Without a second thought, I hurried to answer. “Hey Kevin.”

“Evening, Eleanor. I was with a customer when you called. How are you?”

“I’m well. You? I hope things have settled after the hearings.”

“We just finalized the papers last month. Conner stays with me and we alternate holidays.” I could just about hear him beaming over the phone. 

“That’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you two.”

“Thank you. You know better than most just how much of relief this is. So, what can I do you for?” 

“I was wondering if you had filled my spot yet?”

“No, I haven’t. Do you want to come back?” He asked. 

“I’m not exactly asking for myself. Loki is in the job market right now and he’s having a very hard time. I had hoped that if I vouched for him, maybe you’d consider bringing him on?”

“Of course. Can you come by the store tonight? I can have him in the system before we close.”

At first I was stunned that he’d agreed so quickly. “Yeah, absolutely. We’ll come right over. Thank you so much.” 

“Don’t mention it. I’ve got to go, so I’ll see y’all when you get here.” 

I hung up and smiled at Loki, “Get dressed.” I hurried off his lap and back to the bathroom to take a quick shower. 

Loki followed close behind me, managing to grab my hand before I was out of reach. “What did he say?” 

“He said he’d hire you. Now go get dressed.” That brought the light back to his eyes. _Looks like your work here is done._ I skipped over to Loki and threw my arms around him. “You got laid and hired in the same hour. How many people can say they’ve done that? You’re one lucky fella.” When I attempted to leave, Loki tightened his arms around my waist and kissed me with passion. I knew that I couldn’t resist him for much longer if I allowed this to go on. Somehow, I found the strength to pull away. 

“I love you.” Loki declared.

Even after all this time, he still managed to melt my heart with three little words. I felt my cheeks warm with a silly grin. “You just ought to.”

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This chapter was brought to you by...my ever-present procrastination! Of course when I should've been doing more productive things, these two wouldn't stop acting up. So here you go. I hope you enjoyed this little tangent and I promise the next chapter will be full of plot progression, meaningful jibber-jabber, and a few juicy surprises. Let me know what you think or don't. I hope to have Ch. 35 up for you soon!


	35. Houseguest

**Four Years Previously**

When I materialized in the caverns, I collapsed to the ground. Pain was something I had experienced in my life, yet nothing compared to this. A part of my being that had never felt pain had been seared from my core with jagged claws. All that I could do was I lie there in silent agony. My physical form mourned the loss of a force I had never been without and what was left of my seidr quivered in the traumatic aftermath. 

Perhaps it was the distant echoes of Thor’s heavy footfalls or my desire to preserve what little dignity still possessed that gave me the strength to compose myself. I managed to lean against the wall, where I could rest until I’d gathered the strength to stand. From where I sat, I noticed a set of dainty footprints in the sand. It wasn’t often that people frequented these caverns. My eyes followed them from the waters edge to the sandy overlook where I now sat. Then it dawned on me. _You brought her here._ I’d brought Ele to this was the very spot for her birthday. _Right before you lost her._ My heart sank as I recalled the time we had shared here, a happier time when she had been more than a conjuring of my idle mind. 

I was so ensconced in my reverie that I failed to notice Thor entering the chamber. Before I could utter a word of protest he’d plodded through her tracks, crushing them under the weight of his boot. All that I could do was swallow my rage and save it for a time where an outburst might not return me to that cell. “I’ve brought you a set of cloths. It isn’t much, however it should be sufficient until you arrive in Midgard.” Thor mentioned. Then he dropped a heavy satchel at my feet without another word. 

“I suppose you are expecting a gracious thank you? Allow me to humor you Thor, _thank you_ for releasing me. As if you needed any more praise to inflate your distended ego.” I managed to utter. Very much against my will, my voice betrayed just how weary I had become.

“Don’t thank me.”

Weakly, I fought against my own weight to stand. “You’ve always been so desperate for approval. What has changed your mind?” 

“I am not doing this for you—“

“There is always a self-serving agenda behind everything that you do. With me cast out of the realm, I will no longer be a threat to your future reign. You will not have to wonder whether or not I am arranging you downfall. Does that sound about right?”

“No, you over estimated yourself. You were never going to overthrow me from that cell, no matter how highly you regard your abilities. I have nothing to gain—“ 

“What will Odin think when he learns that you’ve released one of his favorite prisoners?” 

“I stand to lose as much as you should father discover what I’ve done. No one will know what has taken place besides the two of us.” 

I scoffed, turning to face him. “Right, because this is selfless gesture.” 

“I’m doing this for your wife. I owe you nothing…not loyalty or even forgiveness, yet here I stand, willingly afforded you both. You’re the one who has refused to accept my generosity. There are more important things that must be addressed. Ele is alive and she resides somewhere on Midgard. I’ve done my part by giving you a path to her. Should you choose to take it, you cannot return. If you do, we will both face a punishment I dare not imagine.”

I chuckled, “How clever? Banish the both of us and you ensure the security of your rule. I’ve underestimated you.”

“Loki I am giving you a path back to your wife and all you can think of are my ulterior motives? If my intentions were to cause you anymore more suffering, I would not have helped you escape. I could have let you fail her and I still can. This is my offer Loki. You will have your freedom and your wife in exchange for—“

“My rights to this kingdom and my seidr—“ 

“Yes. You must decide which is of a higher value.” My gaze darkened. I resented the very notion of weighing my affection for Ele against anything. Before I had the chance to verbally retaliate, Thor turned his back to venture over to the waters edge. “I will return to the palace once you have gone. I suggest you get to it. I don’t intend to spend the weeks end here with you.” _Neither do I…_

* * *

“Evening Kevin. How are we today?” I approached the counter with Kat in toe.

“Good.” Kevin greeted me with a lazy salute. “He’s finishing up in the back.” 

Before I spoke, I double-checked to make sure that Loki wasn’t within earshot. “How is he doing? Loki forbade me to ask him about work.” I mentioned in a lower voice. 

Kevin smiled, “I have no complaints. Loki is just as hard of a worker as you were, except he’s a lot quieter, if that’s even possible. I think once he warms up to the place he’ll find his voice.”

Loki came through the swinging doors, carrying a heavy box in his arms. “Be careful what you wish for. Getting him to shut up is even harder.” Before he could sit the box down Kat jumped on him, whining as though she hadn’t seen him in weeks. Simply to earn a moment of peace he gave into her pleas, petting her just enough to quiet her fussing.

“Why don’t you stop talking about me? At the very least learn how to whisper properly. Believe it or not, I can hear around corners.” Loki warned, although I was sure that this stern glare was all bluff. 

“Oh yeah, did I mention he’s a smartass too? For your information, I _asked_ about you. Kevin was talking about you. There’s a difference.” I giggled. 

“What are you doing here? I told you that was coming straight home.” 

“I wanted to surprise you, sweetie. It’s also been ages since I’ve visited the shop, so I thought I’d drop by to see how things were going. It was a ‘two birds, one stone’ type deal.”

“No, you were looking to interrogate my boss.” Loki corrected. When Kevin knelt down to get something from beneath the counter, Loki stole a kiss. _See. I knew you weren’t mad at me._ “After all these years, you’re still a terrible liar? I’m almost disappointed.”

“Look at my competition. It’s hard to best someone of your caliber.” I teased, “Go finish your work so we can go home.” With that Loki sauntered away. 

I turned to find Kevin watching us with an amused stare, “Watch it, you two _almost_ sound like you like each other.” 

I could only laugh, “Just a smidge. ” 

Soon Loki was finishing up for the evening and he went into the back to collect his belongings. For nostalgias sake, I helped with a couple minor tasks around the shop before we headed home. For some reason, I elected to take the scenic route. It was a mild afternoon and all three of us had been cooped up indoors all day. “I told Meg we’d meet her at eight. We should have just enough time to ge change and then scoot over to the restaurant with time to spare. Does that sound like a solid plan?”

Loki shrugged, “Sure.” 

“You’re not just saying that to appease me are you?” 

Loki smiled at my question, “Yes.” 

For a long deliberative moment I stared at him, “I’m going to have to get you drunk tonight aren’t I? Maybe then you’ll loosen up and have a good time.”

“Good luck. I’d found that Midgardian alcohol is exceptionally disappointing. We don’t have the time or the resources required for me to drink myself to the point of inebriation.”

“Is that a challenge? I went to a party school Loki. Getting as drunk as possible for under $15 was part of freshman orientation. Hell, I can get you fucked up for $3 if you’re willing to dabble in some sketchy home brews.”

“I’ll pass. I’m certain that I can survive the next few hours sober.” Loki muttered. 

“I’m sure I can too. I just don’t want to. It’s Friday night and I’m determined to get tipsy before 10pm.” I declared. Just as we turned the corner to approach our building, Loki snatched me back behind into the alleyway. When I managed to catch the breath that had been knocked out of me, I saw the panic flit through his eyes for the better part of a second. I hadn’t gotten the chance to see whatever had startled him, but whatever it was, it had him thoroughly spooked. His body language became protective. That alone put me on edge. “Loki, what’s wrong?” 

Loki wouldn’t respond, so I fought against his strong hold to peak around the corner. _What. The Fuck._ I’d recognize that brawny figure anywhere. Thor stood in front of our building. _How did he find us?_ “Loki what is he doing here?” I looked to him for answers. By now my heart was in my throat and I even noticed the slight trembled that quaked through my body.

“Your guess would be as good as mine.”

“You don’t think this is an ambush do you? He wouldn’t go back on his word and arrest you again would he? He can’t, can he?” I felt myself succumbing to the terror of losing him again. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Loki declared. The conviction in his voice was unnerving, not because I was unsure of what that implied but because I knew just how far Loki would go to protect me. He must have seen the fear in my eyes because in an instant his demeanor seamlessly pivoted to comfort me.

“What are we going to do?” I asked. 

Loki swept his fingers through his hair, an action that meant he lacked a good answer. “We can leave town. I’ll return in a weeks time and collect our things then we will start anew somewhere else—“

“Loki, you know we can’t do that. We have jobs and bills…we can’t just abandon our life—“ 

“You are my life! I won’t lose you again.” He’d all but shouted at me. The feral look in his eyes betrayed how desperate he truly was. Beneath that thin veneer of civility, he was dangerous. Like any cornered wild animal, Loki was ready to risk life and limb to defend his own. 

Then out of nowhere, I recognized a near psychic energy stirring in my core. Without explanation or the intervention of conventional logic, my fear began to abate. I didn’t understand it and yet I trusted it. “We need figure out what he wants in order to get rid of him.”

“I don’t care what he wants. I’m not letting him get anywhere near you.” 

I took Loki’s face between my hands and looked him in the eye, “Loki, think this through. We have nowhere left to run and he came alone.” I whispered.

“You don’t know what he has planned.” Loki argued.

“Neither do you. But, I _do_ have a feeling that we’ll be ok.” I managed to say. 

“A **feeling**?” He repeated indignantly. 

“Yes, a feeling. The same way I could tell that something wasn’t right the morning we were separated. I had a feeling then too Loki. This time it’s telling me that we can work this out. Sometimes I _just know_ these things. I can’t explain it. Do you trust me?” It was a gamble however I did have a knack for being able to predict things. Loki’s expression softened and I saw him struggling with my request. “If things seem sketchy we’ll get the hell out of town ok? I won’t let you go this time, I promise.” I whispered. He struggled to come to terms with my request but in the end he took my hand. Loki didn’t speak however the look that he gave me said, “I trust you,” more articulately than words ever could. In that moment I realized just how far we had come. 

There had been a time when Loki never would have trusted me with something like this. We both knew it. I leaned against him, giving him a reassuring kiss. “I need to hear you say it Loki. Tell me I’m insane and I’ll believe you.” 

“I trust you.” _If anything happens to him, it will be entirely your fault._ I felt the bonds of his magic anchoring us together with an invisible tether. 

I nodded, digging deep within myself for the strength to face this head on. “Alright. As far as he knows, I don’t remember a thing. Let’s keep it that way.” I explained as I lead Loki from the alley. We advanced towards our building and for much of the distance we went unnoticed. Loki gave a slight nod and I watching his eyes shifting across the landscape, searching for any signs of an ambush. One of our neighbors stepped out of the building and Thor stopped them to ask a question. I couldn’t hear just what he’d asked them. She shook her head in and hurried past him. Clearly the hammer-wielding lunatic in a cloak at our doorstep was a bit too strange for her comfort. “Someone’s going to call the cops on him.” I whispered. 

“Let them—“

“We can’t! He stands out worse than you ever did. We have to get him off the street.” I quietly protested. 

“Absolutely not.”

“Loki!” I hissed through grit teeth. Just then Thor saw us, and a wide grin spread across his face. _Here we go._

“Brother!” Thor called to us and I felt Loki’s grasp tighten. 

“Thor.”

“You know him?” I asked, plastering on a fake smile. 

“I’m Thor, Son of Odin, Prince of Asgard and brother of Loki.” Thor announced. 

“Nice to meet you. Loki you never told me he came from royalty.” I giggled. I felt Loki squeeze my hand as if to tell me to tone down my cuteness. 

I saw Thor glance at his brother with a silent question in his eyes. “My apologies. I didn’t intend to spoil the surprise.”

“I’m sure he planned to tell me eventually. All in due time right babe?” I glanced at Loki, however his glare never left Thor. “Well…let’s not stand out here all day. Come on up.” I lead him inside and I noticed Loki kept Thor at a distance. As we ascended the stairs, I fished for my keys so that we could hide him in our apartment as quickly as possible. 

Upon entry Thor looked around, silently appraising our modest accommodations. “You have a very nice home.” He finally stated. 

“Thanks. It’s not much but it’s ours. Home sweet home.” I smiled, showing our guest into the living room. Thor took a seat at the far side of the coffee table and Loki claimed a spot on the sofa. Before I could choose a place to sit, Loki pulled me onto his lap and rested his hand on my thigh. _It was intentionally conspicuous._ Loki’s stare was stern and never wavered. He gave me no choice but to contradict that with an inviting smile. “So what brings you to our neck of the woods? It must have been important if decided you to make such a long trip.”

“I simply came to visit with my brother. When he left us it was rather abrupt.” Thor stated. 

“Enough of your lies Thor. Why have you come? What more could you possibly have to say to me?” Loki demanded. The look in his eyes grew even more hostile by the second. Nothing good was could come of this behavior, especially not if I continued to let him mouth off. I put my hand over his and gave it a gentle squeeze. For a moment his eyes locked with mine, affording me the opportunity to defuse his temper. With that, Loki settled in his seat, choosing to entrust me with the questions the time being 

“That’s nice of you. You’re not trying to steal him away for anything are you?” I tried to laugh hard enough to make my act believable. However, my insides turned to jelly the instant those words passed my lips. 

“No, nothing like that. I had come to see that—“

“I hadn’t starved to death after you cast me out?” Loki interjected. 

“That’s enough.” I admonished, not that it would have sounded that way to Thor. Following that warning, Loki went silent and I turned my attention back to our guest. “So you just decided to pop in on little brother? I can’t imagine how much you must miss having him around. I know I’d miss him everyday.” Immediately I saw Thor hesitate. He was unsure of how to respond to my statement. If he had come to pry us apart, I had a feeling he wouldn’t have been this squeamish over a veiled guilt trip.

“I come bearing somber news.” 

This time I waited for Loki to respond. It wasn’t my place to ask questions about this. “I’m sure you’re bursting to enlighten me.” Loki muttered.

“Father is unwell. He is retiring and—“

“And so you will become King. Naturally you sought me out to gloat.” Loki’s fists clenched and I did my best to calm his ire.

“Is your father going to be ok?”

“We expect so. It is simply time for him to pass along the burden to. This is not why I brought this up.” Now Thor looked at me. “Could you give my brother and I a moment alone?”

“Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of her.” Thor shifted uncomfortably, clearly not wanting to talk about Asgard’s business around me. 

“Upon my return, I will inherit the throne. I wanted you to know that under my rule, you will no longer have to live in fear. So long as you wish to live in peace, I will have no reason to interrupt your domestic life. You have my word.” It felt strange hearing Thor say that. I didn’t quite know what to say in exchange. 

Loki of course, wasn’t convinced. “I don’t believe you.” 

“I didn’t think you would.” Thor reached under his cloak and offered Loki an envelope, however Loki never moved to accept it. “Mother sends her best wishes and she had hoped that her letter would find you in good hands.” Rather than let Loki refuse, I took the letter and broke the seal. When I pulled the folded paper free, I glanced over the near writing scrolled across the page. I couldn’t understand any of it, however I did recognized the shimmering insignia at the lower corner of the page. It was a mark of authenticity; one that was damn near impossible to forge. My time with Geir had taught me that much. 

Loki’s eyes swept over the page and I saw his expression falter. “What does it say?” I whispered. 

“She wants me to trust him.” That was the extent of the synopsis that Loki would spare. 

Regardless of Frigga’s words, I still had trouble accepting that this wasn’t a trap. “Swear to me that you won’t go back on your word.”

“I swear on my honor. As far as I am concerned, Loki has paid his debt. Aside from this visit, you need not fear any other interruptions. In turn, I expect the same of you.” I’d spent enough time with each of these men to know when one of them was lying. While Thor had a tendency to do things I disagreed with, he nearly always did them honestly. This was no different.

“So long as you’re here on friendly business…that makes you our guest then doesn’t it? I’ll try my hand at southern hospitality and you can let me know if it’s working. Deal?” Loki was not on board with this idea. I could feel Loki’s disgust in the air and in the thin fibrous bond that still knit us together. Nevertheless, I put on a smile, hoping to ease the tension that thickened the air while Loki’s cold glare worked to undo my efforts. “When are you due back in Asgard?”

“In a weeks time. I’m happy to return today if that is preferable—“

“It would be.” Loki hastily rebutted. 

“Nonsense. It won’t kill you to stay one day.” I offered. Loki pinched me and I noticed Thor’s eyes shifted to his brother as if to say, _“But he might.”_ I took Loki by the chin and turned his gaze to meet mine, “We’re going to be gracious hosts Loki. Start anew with a fresh slate. Ok?” I stated, even though I meant it as a command. Rather than agree with me, Loki stood up. Had I not managed to scoot off of his lap, he would have dumped me onto the floor. Without a word to either of us, Loki stormed out and slammed the front door on his way out. This left Thor and I in uncomfortable silence. _You’re in big trouble missy. You’ll be lucky if he speaks to you again this month._

Putting those thoughts aside, I sighed as I tried to collect my scattered brain. “We’re meeting a few friends for dinner tonight. You’re welcome to join us. I can grab some cloths for you to change into. Thus far we’ve managed to keep a low profile. I intend to keep it that way.” 

“Lady Ele, I appreciate what you are attempting to do. Loki can be difficult to reason with. It is probably best that I go while things remain civil.” Thor mentioned. Right away noticed his subtle use of my title. There was no utility left in maintaining my charade. It was only going to make things more cumbersome for the both of us, especially if he were to stay as our guest. 

I’d come accepted something that Loki couldn’t acknowledge at this point. We were better off with Thor as an ally. While I had this opportunity to get on Thor’s good side, I was determined to do so. “This place was mine before Loki came along, therefore I and I alone have the authority to make decision about what goes on here. I can have whomever I like as a guest. And if you’re concern is for my wellbeing, I wouldn’t dwell on it. Loki has a hard time staying angry with me. If you want to stay for a night or two, you can. You’re welcome here.” 

With that I headed back to the bedroom. For a split second I felt a twinge of separation anxiety beginning to blossom. I imagined that was a reasonable reaction after all that we’d been through. Despite this unpleasant emotion, I managed to calm myself by stroked the swirling engravings along my bangle. Even when he was angry, I knew Loki could never quite ignore me when I did this. I also took comfort in knowing that he would never venture far. Loki was probably just outside the door in the hall or at the bottom of the stairs. I don’t think he could teleport much farther than that given his current condition. 

As I pulled a pair of Loki’s pants from the top shelf in the closet, I noticed Thor curiously looking around our bedroom. I could only imagine what he must have been thinking. This whole apartment could fit into Loki’s rooms back home several times over. I’m sure it was hard to fathom the two of us living in such close quarters. 

“These should fit. Loki might have a shirt that fits you.” I mentioned before passing him the pants. 

“Are you sure that he will permit—“

“I don’t need Loki’s permission. I paid for these so technically they’re mine and I let him use them.” I started searching through our drawers until I came across a t-shirt that might fit. As I handed it over I paused, wondering if I should inquire about undergarments. _Does he even wear underwear under all that? Wonder if he’s a boxers kind of guy? Best you didn’t go there, Ele._ “Let me know if you need anything else.” With that I stepped out of the room and I made my way into the kitchen to wait. 

Now that I was alone, I realized how much I wanted Loki to come back. I hated for him to be so upset, especially when he was this upset with me. After a fair amount of deliberation, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called him. Of course Loki sent me directly to voicemail. Out of frustration I slammed my phone down, strumming my fingers against the counter as I thought of ways to salvage this situation. _All I wanted was to have a fun night out on the town. I can’t even do that!_ Then again, nothing was ever predictable where these two were concerned. Rather than call him repeatedly, I decided to let Loki cool off for another few minutes. 

Meanwhile, Kat decided that now was the perfect time to sneak into the bedroom. _Because she has no regard for privacy and impeccable timing._ Before I could stop her the door popped open just far enough for her to scamper through. For no particular reason my eyes moved from the ground upwards. I don’t know what I was looking for and I also knew it shouldn’t have done it. _But I did._ And boy did I get more than I’d bargained for. _Nice ass Odinson_. For a moment, the inner voice that I usually relied on to make sound judgments was entirely absent, too distracted by the fitness of those gluts to be of any use. _Have you now shame? You are married! How would you feel if Loki started ogling another woman?_

Following that thought, my gaze shifted lower. My intent had been to look **away** , however those instructions got jumbled along the short distance from my brain to my eyes. _I’m not perfect, ok._ Hell I even leaned forward to get a better view when Thor turned this way. While he fought to pull the shirt over his head, my eyes landed on the behemoth he stowed in his pants. _Wow. Wonder if he’s a grower? Either way, Sif is one lucky lady._ Apparently all those rumors I’d heard during my time in Asgard weren’t rumors after all. _Who needs rumors when the truth is that impressive?_ Seconds later, I realized that I’d been staring. This time I averted my gaze for good. The last thing I wanted was for him to catch me stealing looks. _And **gods** help me if Loki ever finds out about it this._

Simply to distract myself, I checked the time and to my horror I discovered that we had just under half an hour to make it to our reservation. _Wonderful._ I wasn’t about to cancel my plans just because our home life was on the verge of derailing. It was time to improvise. I quickly text Meg with a brief version of my crisis and she called a few seconds later. “Bring him. How long is he in town?”

I looked up just in time to see Thor buttoning the front of his pants. “Until Sunday.”

Meg paused for a moment in thought, “I’ve got an idea. Is he hot, single, straight or possibly all three?”

“All of the above? Why?”

“I’m setting him up with a friend. That should help, right? Are you sure you can still make it? If not we can hold off until next weekend.” 

“No. It’s far better than the alternative. We’ll be there.”

“Ok, if you say so. Good luck.”

“I need all the luck I can get.” When I hung up, I watched Thor leave the bedroom. 

“I’m afraid I’ve torn this shirt.” He handed me the tattered garment and I sighed. _Loki liked that shirt. Now he’s going to be even more pissed off. Great job Ele. This was a terrible idea._

Without a word, I tucked it into the trashcan. “No worries. We’ll grab another one from the store. I need to get ready. You can hang out with Kat if you like. She enjoys belly rubs and will try to swindle you into giving her treats. Don’t cave.” Thor seemed comfortable where I’d left him, so I hurried into the bedroom to change. After I pulled a pair of heels from the closet, I found my forest green pencil skirts in the drawer. This little number would make it clear that I was Loki’s arm candy, not that I personally don’t need that sort of validation. _My husband does._ If this was the price I had to pay to keep him from committing homicide, then so be it. 

After another time check, I swore under my breath. Loki was more of a diva about his appearance than I was. If he didn’t get started soon, we might as well not even go out of the house tonight. Half dressed and with a brush still lodged in my hair, I hurried to the front door to peeked into the hall. As expected, Loki was still glowering about our unannounced houseguest. The instant he saw me his temper flared. “Could you at least have some modesty?” He snapped.

“All the naughty bits are covered. He was on the balcony anyway. Please come back inside. We’re supposed to meet them in twenty minutes.” Loki rolled his eyes and returned to his sullen silence. I stepped into the hall with him, pulling the door together so that Thor couldn’t eavesdrop. “Loki, I am trying really hard to make peace. We need ever every ounce of leniency we can get from him. If we have to wine and dine him for a day or two to get on his good side, then that’s what I’m to do. Please don’t make me do this all by myself.” I took his hand and looked up at him. This time his resolve softened and Loki only resisted momentarily. Even though he was refusing to speak to me, I wasn’t about to complain. _Progress is progress, no matter which form it takes._

On the ride over, I gave Thor a long talk about not mentioning Asgard or who he was to anyone. At this point, remaining undiscovered was far more sensible than pretending that I hadn’t recovered my memories. Thor was happy to cooperate and I relaxed a bit once I knew we could count on him be well behaved. However, Loki was the one I was worried about. I’d seen that brooding look in his eyes enough times to know that nothing good could come of this. 

After a quick pit stop to grab another shirt, we met up with our dates for the night. As we approached our table, I noticed a new face seated next to Devin. They’d brought along some brunette woman that I’d never met. I guess she was intended to be Thor’s date. 

“Eleanor told me she was bringing an extra fella. I figured we might as well bring a friend to keep our numbers even. This is Jane Foster. Make with the acquainting.” Meg laughed. 

“It’s nice to meet you.” Jane smiled, offering him her hand. 

“The pleasure is mine.” Thor returned the favor, flashing one of his charming grins. Following that short exchange, this poor woman was already under his spell. _And gods help her if she get’s acquainted with his friend…_ Loki rolled his eyes, then proceeded to pull out my chair. When we sat down, Loki placed himself between the Jane and myself. I was seated next to Meg. 

“I hope this helps. You sounded like you were getting desperate and I’ve been trying to get her to come out with me for ages.” Meg whispered to me. 

When I glanced in their direction, Jane’s eyes were already lit with infatuation. Meanwhile, Thor seemed at least somewhat entertained with her conversation. “I hope so. As long as he doesn’t have the chance to annoy Loki, we’re golden. I’m just worried about what’s going to happen later tonight. They’re on their best behavior right now and there are too many people around for the two of them to go at each other’s throats. If I’m not at work on Monday, assume that I’ve skipped town after hiding a body.” I chuckled. _I am being serious._

“It can’t be that bad—“

“You have **no idea**.” Loki kicked my foot under the table. Apparently he didn’t appreciate me discussing him. Meg noticed the shift in my posture, easily deducing what he’d just done. 

“You’re drinks are on me tonight mister. Maybe after a couple shots, I’ll get to see what your smile looks like.” She teased. 

I snickered, “Loki is delightful when he’s drunk. If I’m lucky I’ll get a beautiful serenade.“ I kissed his cheek, just to make sure that he didn’t get too upset with me.

“That’s so sweet. Devin can’t carry a tune in a bucket when he’s sober. At least your man can entertain you.” To my relief, Loki appeared to be losing interest in our conversation. _Disinterest is better than agitation._ Soon after, the chef came over to our grill. The brothers seemed to enjoy the culinary display and when it came time to order, Thor ordered three times as much food as everyone else. Naturally, this earned a few puzzled looks from Meg and Devin. I leaned over to Meg and whispered, “He’s an athlete,” hoping that this might dispel some of their more problematic question. Jane didn’t even seem to notice, not that she could anyway. She was blinded by his charisma and good looks. Other than that, dinner went without a hitch. 

Afterwards, we headed over to the club and Jane gave Thor a lift since they were getting along so well. At first the two of them were a cute couple. She was nice and Thor seemed into her. However, the longer the pair of them chattered on, the more annoyed I got. Jane hadn’t done anything to me and as far as I could tell she was nice. Still, her voice was akin to nails on a chalkboard. To the best of my ability, I kept these unpopular feelings to myself, a feat that only got harder with each additional shot of tequila. Sometime between the second and third round Loki elbowed me, urging me to stop rolling my eyes every time she opened her mouth. Thankfully neither Jane nor Meg noticed my antisocial behavior. _What can I say? Old habits die hard._

“I love this song! Loki, come dance with me.” I grabbed his hand and he resisted. 

“Why don’t you and Meg go—“

I tugged at him again to no avail. “No. I want to dance with you. Please?” 

“Oh come on Loki, let’s see your moves.” Meg cheered. 

Very much against his will, Loki followed me onto the dance floor. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Loki mentioned as I pulled him deeper into the crow of people. 

“Me either.” I already found myself swaying in time with the beat. Even after I’d found my rhythm, Loki sort of stood there awkwardly. Rather than allow him refuse to engage, I began to grind against him. I put his hands on my hips and just as I’d anticipated, that earned an involuntary reaction. “I figured you would know what to do with that baby.” I smiled. It didn’t take long for him to find his rhythm and match my movements. The way his hips were moving against mine, I knew he had to be enjoying himself. Sure, we were lewd but I didn’t care. _I didn’t wear these heels to be a beacon of modesty._

By the end of the song, the rest of our group had come to dance as well. Just as suddenly as I’d been able to convince Loki to abandon his inhibitions, he recoiled from me. “What’s wrong?” I turned to him and the look in his eyes was unsettling. Loki hadn’t been very engaged all night but something dramatic had changed. As he made his way towards the fringes of the crowd, I hurried after him. “Wait!” Immediately Loki turned on the spot, causing me to run into him.

“Go have fun with your friend. I’ll see you at home—“

“You’re leaving!?” Loki wouldn’t let me finish before he started towards the exit once again. “Wait!” I managed to catch up to him, despite the fact that I was in heels and two of my steps equaled one of his strides. “Please talk to me.” I begged. 

Loki’s eyes scanned the room and his jaw clenched in silent discontent. “I’ve had enough of this. I’m going home. Don’t wake me when you get in.”

“Loki you know I can’t drive tonight. Are you really going to make me take a cab with him—“ 

“Have Meg drop you off.”

“What the hell am I supposed to do with Thor? We all can’t fit in her car.”

“I wouldn’t worry about him. There is a very good chance that he will leave with Jane.” Loki stated bitterly. 

“That is **not** happening. The last thing we need is for him to get loose and leave a trail of demigods in his wake. Who knows what secret scientific agencies there are skulking around. I don’t want to get snatched for dissection or experimentation because he can’t keep it in his pants. Five minutes, that’s all I’m asking. Let me wrangle him and then we’ll get the hell out of here. Ok?” 

Loki gave me an impatient nod. Just to make sure that he didn’t slip away the moment my back was turned, I gave him my purse and my phone. Even though he was angry, Loki would never leave me stranded so far from home. Especially not after I’d been drinking this much. After I said my good-byes to Meg, I made my way back towards Thor and Jane. “We’re heading out. Say bye to Jane.” She was noticeably disappointed with our hasty departure. 

After he bid farewell, Thor kissed her cheek and she went starry eyes like something out of a cartoon. _Get yourself together woman!_ “Ok, we have to go now.” I stated, discretely tugging him by the arm. Once I managed to separate them, I escorted Thor back to the car.

The drive home was painfully quiet. When I tried to turn on the radio to break this awkward silence, Loki swatted my hand. I frowned and elected stared out the window instead. As soon as I unlocked the front door, Loki went straight for the bedroom and I heard the shower start. This left Thor and I standing in the kitchen in the midst of yet another painful silence. 

“Sorry I don’t have a bed for you. I don’t usually have company. You can sleep on the sofa or the floor if you like. Honestly, the floor is probably more comfortable.” I mentioned. 

“All that I require is a blanket and a pillow. Your hospitality is more than adequate.” Thor reassured me.

“If you say so. The bathroom is just through there. If you need to use it in the middle of the night don’t hesitate to sneak through. Just make sure to jiggle the handle or else the toilet runs. Feel free to help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge and if Kat starts bothering you just put her on the patio.” I searched the linen shelf for a blanket before I grabbed one of the pillows off of our bed to lend him. 

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Let me know if you need anything. I’ll see you in the morning.” I headed back to the bedroom and closed the door. It felt good to finally release the tension after I’d been holding myself together for so many consecutive hours. Rather than wait for my turn, I peeled out of my cloths and snuck into the bathroom. “Do you mind if I join you?” I saw Loki’s silhouette through the curtain. He was leaning against the wall as the water washed over him. I inched closer until I could peer behind the vinyl. “Loki?” When I saw him he was staring off into the distance. I didn’t like the look in his eyes. There was a chaotic mixture of sadness, rage, and a healthy dose of desperation while each one dueled for command. Rather than wait for Loki to give me permission, I invited myself in. “Please talk to me. I worried.”

“What is there for me to say, Ele?” Loki said bitterly. 

“I don’t know. You’ve barely spoken to me all night. I’m trying my best to make this work.” I confessed. 

“It isn’t meant to work.” He countered. 

“Then what should we be doing Loki? Please, tell me.” 

Loki shrugged noncommittally, “We sure as hell shouldn’t have invited him to stay or entertained him. We should have ended him when we had the chance.” 

_And there it is. The naked truth we’ve been sidestepping all along._ In the depths of his eyes I still saw that hunger for power that I’d once known so well. We’d narrowly escaped this disaster once before and the idea that he might be headed down that road again twisted like a knife in my chest. “You still want the throne.” I stated in an even quieter voice. Loki didn’t answer me, not that he had to. I saw the acceptance in his expression. “We’re finally together after everything that’s happened. I don’t want to lose you, not after what I went through without you! Don’t do that to me again, please.” I begged. 

Again, Loki didn’t protest. His silent stare told me exactly what he thought. Odin was in no condition to call the shots. That left Thor, the last man standing between him and an unchallenged reign. And for that very reason, I was even more compelled to stop him than I’d been the night of the breach. “After all that he’s done for you—“ 

“He did it for himself.” Loki hissed. 

“I don’t care! He let you go and gave you back to me. I’m not about rehash this old argument with you Loki. We lost and we got our asses handed to us. It’s been four years and we’re still paying for the mistakes we made! I don’t want to do anything that could separate us again, not when there are better things we can do with our lives.” 

“There is nothing _better_ than Kingship Ele. I was born to be King—“ 

“No you weren’t.” Suddenly Loki was speechless, stunned that I had the audacity to say that to him. “Yes, you were born _into_ a royal family but nobody is born to be _anything_. Only you can control your destiny. It’s not predetermined by birth or inheritance. Nothing is ever that absolute. Only you can give yourself a purpose Loki. You can choose to follow the path that others lay for you but you can’t control whether or not it makes you happy. The person you are on the inside is the only thing you were born to be and that is independent of everything else. Forget about Prince Loki or King Loki. Those are just fancy title someone gave you and nothing more. Who are you without all that?” I asked. He didn’t like this response. 

“I’ve been nobody special my whole life. Then when I met you, I became Lady Ele and eventually I was your princess. These titles never changed anything about me. It only changed how other people treated me. It had no effect on my happiness or my sense of belonging. I won’t claim to be some kind of expert on this but I think once you accept that you’re born to be _you_ , that’ll be enough. I would choose what we have here, what we’ve built together, over being your Queen any day. I love you with ever fiber of my being and I’m selfish. I don’t want to share you with an entire kingdom. Please don’t go after this again. You have nothing left to prove.” I whispered. 

I lay my head against his chest, feeling the slow rise and fall with every breath. “I was a better King than he could ever hope to become.” Loki whispered. My heart ached for him. When he spoke, he sounded broken, yet I knew there was nothing I could do about it.

“Yes, you were a wonderful King. Your people will remember your strength…history will remember it too. If anyone says otherwise they’re lying, but your reign ended. We’re together after everything that’s happened. We were never supposed to have that again Loki.” I whispered, my thumb brushing over his cheek. “It wouldn’t be fair to ask you to pretend that it never happened. However, I can ask you to think about how your choices will affect me…and the people who still love you. Thor cares about you—“ 

“You believe him?” Loki snarled. 

“Seriously? If I can read your heart do you think me incapable of seeing through to his? Thor is an open book. Not that deep down he’s got a big heart. You take a little more digging but yours is just as good. Its a little worse for wear but its still full of love. Don’t betray him when he’s trying to make things right. Thor fucked up and so did we. It’s about time we accepted that.” 

Still Loki resisted, so I decided to take another approach. “Fine. If you want it so badly, go out there and finish him. Go ahead and murder one of the few people who loves you unconditionally.” I whispered. Loki didn’t move to leave my side, “Go on. Do it. Wait until he falls asleep then kill him. You can use my favorite paring knife. Hell, you can do it with your bare hands if you want. No one other than me would ever know what happened here tonight.” Deep down, I hoped that this wasn’t convincing him because that was the opposite of my intentions. 

Loki’s arm slipped around the small of my back to hold me close. This ungraceful breaking of his spirit had been a long time coming but it was inevitable. I felt his despair as if it were my own. “I love you with all my heart, you know that. Now we’re free. We can build a life anywhere we want. As long as we’re together, I’ll be happy wherever we end up.” Even though my words did little to comfort him, Loki leaned into my embrace. Suddenly, I couldn’t tell if it was just water from the showerhead that landed against my shoulder. I’d been there for him through one of the hardest times of his life and even then, Loki never shed a tear in my presence. I kissed his cheek before looking up him. The pain in his eyes wounded me, illuminating a kind of suffering that even all of my love and affection couldn’t take away. Still, I did my best to comfort him. 

After we bathed, we dressed for bed. Loki laid his head against my chest and I held him as best as I could, given our differing heights. For much of that night I lay awake, praying that I was doing the right thing. I didn’t want to be responsible for hurting him; it would only reinforce the pattern of betrayal he’d come to expect. Despite all of these conflicting emotions, what I felt most was relief. It was a long way down from the top, I would know. My fall from grace had come in a single blow, one that left me in shambles for years. Loki’s path had ledges and cliffs that prolonged his descent. In a sense it, I was glad that he’d finally hit rock bottom. Now the only direction he could go was up. I’d be there for him every step of the way and we would emerge from this chapter of our lives stronger, but most importantly, together.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This chapter got way longer than I intended. I feel like i'm saying that more and more. I don't know how I feel about it though. When the chapters are longer I upload less often. When they're shorter, I feel like I'm forcing more content into a smaller package and I end up cutting elements that I like just to be more concise.Maybe I just talk too much. I guess I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.
> 
> I hope you liked the random appearance of Jane and Thor. It almost didn't happen! I've been wanting to toss her in here for a while and I finally found a way to do it. This may or may not be the last we see of her. I haven't decided yet. We will be seeing Thor again. When I drafted this chapter I was intrigued by idea of both brothers having a Midgardian love interests at some point. However after struggling with rewrites and some soul searching, I realized that I honestly don't like Jane enough to put any effort into her character. Sorry not sorry. I'm more in love with the Thor/Sif pairing. Rather than butcher her and offend anyone who is for Thor/Jane, I'll leave it alone. 
> 
> tl;dr let me know what you thought about this chapter the next one should be up in the near future. Happy New Year.


	36. Breaking Point

When I awoke the next morning, everything was quite. The sun was climbing higher into the sky and I could tell that it was almost noon. Last night felt so far away. _As does the end to this ordeal_. Loki shifted in his sleep, grimacing at what must have been a nightmare. I touched his cheek and tenderly kissed his forehead. “I’m here.” I whispered. That comforting gesture was enough soothe him. Loki settled and the distress melted from his features. I carefully climbed out of bed, making sure not to wake him when I pulled myself out of his arms. Thankfully he was sleeping harder than usual. Most of the time he was a very light sleeper. One wrong move and he’d be awake for the rest of the day. I imagine last night had thoroughly exhausted him. _Hell, I was exhausted and I hadn’t had a meltdown._ Unfortunately for me, I didn’t have the luxury of sleeping off my fatigue. 

I’d never had any houseguests other than Loki and clothing was generally optional on those occasions. Now that Thor was staying with us, I was certain that Loki would lose his marbles if I were to go prancing around the house in what he considered to be my underwear. So in order to keep the peace, I slipped on a sweater and then a pair of leggings. On the way to the kitchen, I started to pull my hair into a messy bun. _While Thor’s presence may warrant pants, it is **not** a reason for me to tackle this hair before my coffee._ Just as I stepped out of the bedroom, I tripped over something on the floor and because my hands were busy, I couldn’t break my fall. I hit the hardwood with a thud, narrowly missing a chair leg with my forehead.

Contrary to my best efforts, I yelped on the way down. “Why does she keep leaving shit in the middle of the— _hammer_?” My angry whisper fizzled into stunned silence. Mjolnir lay on her side, knocked a few inches askew after I’d stumbled over her. Purely out of reflex, I grabbed the handle to stand her back up the way I’d found her. As soon as I realized what I’d just done, I froze. _Oh no. Not good!_ Out of curiosity I nudged Mjolnir with my foot, just to be sure that this wasn’t my imagination. At first the hammer resisted, but then gave way to my gentle shove. _Stop messing with it!_ My hands clamped over my mouth to stifle a startled scream. 

I look across the room at Thor. Even after the loud spill I’d just taken, he was still fast asleep on his makeshift bed. It was even more shocking that Loki hadn’t stirred either. _How in the hell are these two seasoned warriors?_ I was willing to bet that they could sleep through the end of the world. _And the end of the world will probably be a lot quieter than you too. Ele! Focus on the real issue here, you idiot!_ As quickly as I could, I put some distance between Thor’s hammer and myself. _Do I mention this to either of them? No. That’s a **very** bad idea._ In the end, I decided to keep this secret to myself. _I don’t need that kind of drama in my life. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever._ “You stay where he put you.” I scolded, but at the same time, a crazy little idea crept into my head. _If I were to summons her, would Mjonir actually come to me?_ The thought alone was terrifying. _Don’t you dare!_

To keep from doing anything stupid, I distracted myself by getting started on breakfast. We had a new waffle iron to break in and an extra mouth to feed. That was motivation enough for me to put my best food forward and try to make some kick ass waffles. A little while later, Kat wondered into the kitchen to greet me. “Good morning short stuff.” Rather than pass through or curl up at my feet the way she often did when I cooked, she pestered me until I looked down. That gave her the chance to use her cuteness to beg for treats. Of course I couldn’t deny her. While I diced the bananas for the batter, I dropped a few pieces into her bowl. “Now leave me alone.” In between ingredients, I started to get a nice strong batch of coffee brewing. Now that I didn’t work with the stuff all day, I was starting to like the smell of it again. 

A second later I turned around to see Thor standing in the doorway. Startled, I screamed and my spoon clattered to the floor. “Shit! You scared me. You and Loki are like goddamn ninjas.” I stated as I clutched my chest. While I recovered from my second heart attack of the day, Kat eagerly bounded over to greet him. _At least one of us is glad that you’re here._

“My apologies. I did not intend to startle you. Good morning, Lady Ele.” Thor stated, offering me an apologetic smile. 

“Quit it. I’m just Ele here…or Eleanor if you prefer. I didn’t know I was even allowed to keep my title after…everything.” 

“It’s a basic respect. I believe you have earned that.” Thor mentioned quietly. 

“Maybe.” I returned a friendly smile of my own in the hopes that the rest of my body language would follow suite. _Fake it ‘til you make it right?_ “I try not to make those kinds of assumptions anymore. I am what I am. Throwing Lady in front of it won’t change anything.”

I watched Thor considered my words for a moment. It was hard to tell if he agreed with my perspective or not. “Is there anything I could help you with?” 

“Sort of. I made coffee. Get yourself a mug from that cabinet there.” I licked my thumb to clean away the batter before I turned to pour his drink. After doing it a thousand times a day for the last few years, I guess it was going to take more than a couple months to kick the habit. Not to mention I’d seen what they did with their mugs back in Asgard, Thor especially. _I am not cleaning that shit up today._ He accidently retrieved one of Loki’s favorites. This one happened to be a part of our matching set. His read: _I like her butt._ Mine said: _I like my butt too._ I carefully took the mug from Thor and sat it aside, “That’s actually Loki’s. He won’t be too happy with me if I let you use it. We need him in a good mood today.” 

“That is a difficult task at the best of times.” Thor replied, returning to the cabinet for another cup. This time he got one of the plainer ones, clearly opting not to take any more risks with the other printed designs. “I saw you slept on the floor last night. Smart choice. Loki tells me the sofa does a serious number on your neck.” I chuckled. 

Thor visibly struggled to find a polite way of agreeing with me. “It was not meant for someone of my stature I suppose.”

“Yeah, I agree. Sorry I didn’t even have an air mattress to offer you. Money’s tight and up until now there was never a need for one. You don’t plan on dropping in like this after…you become King do you? If you give us little forewarning we can arrange better accommodations. ” _Please say no. Please say no._

“No. Few people are aware that you reside in this realm or that Loki is no longer in our dungeons. Recurring trips to this realm would increase the chances that others will learn of your whereabouts. My intention is not to put either of you in danger. So long as they remain ignorant, you will be safe.” Thor explained. At face value his actions seemed noble enough. Still, I couldn’t help but be skeptical. Contrary to what Loki might believe, I didn’t blindly trust Thor just because he’d done us a favor. Before I handed Thor his mug, I gave him a warning. “If you smash this…you get to clean it up. Are we clear?”

“Understood.” Thor sat down at the table while I tried to cook. _The keyword here is ’ **try** ’ because I am not doing well at all._ I really wanted Loki to wake up and do this for me. The first time we attempted this recipe we’d turn it into pancakes and it was delicious. This time, it was a disaster. I looked down at this lumpy batter that I’d concocted on my own. It just wasn’t the same without Loki here to look over my shoulder. He always corrected things when I screwed up. _And boy have I screwed this up._

“I’m going to apologize ahead of time for the quality of the food. Loki usually does the cooking around here.” I commented in an attempt to lower his expectations. These sad excuses for waffles weren’t going to impress anyone. In my periphery, I noticed the surprised look on his face. “You didn’t think he knew how to cook, did you?” 

“Loki knows how to do a lot of unexpected things.” Thor replied. Once again he did his best to keep his answers neutral.

“I didn’t believe it either it until I saw it for myself. We were in one of his residences in the city the first time he ever cooked for me. I guess you could’ve called it a romantic get away.”

“Either it was or it wasn’t. There tends not to be very much in between in those matters.” Thor countered with a knowing smirk. 

I shrugged, “Well, Loki did propose that day, so I guess it kind of turned into one. It sure as hell didn’t start off that way. We were only there out of convenience…anyway, that’s enough about that.” I took Loki’s mug into the bedroom and put it on his side table. The smell of coffee energized him in the mornings. I was pulling out all of my fancy tricks to help him wake up on the right side of the bed today. On my way back to the kitchen, I had an idea. I reached into the closet and retrieved my lock box. Placing it on the end of the bed, I began to flip through the dozens of polaroids we’d taken over the summer. I smiled whenever I came across a few of my favorites, however as much fun as it was to reminisce I hadn’t come to peruse our nudes. 

I plucked a few of the candid pictures of Loki from the stack. _The ones where he was fully clothed, I should add._ I’d taken one of him lounging on the sofa. It was a sight that I’d seen countless times and still I never tired of it. His features were relaxed, taking on a near serene beauty as he flipped through the pages of a dense book. Even though so much had changed since our days in Asgard, Loki was still very much the same man as I’d fallen in love with and this image was proof of it. The next one was a photo I’d snapped when he’d fallen asleep with Kat lying across his feet. Then there was my favorite, the one I called our family portrait. This one had taken quite a bit of finessing, from the angle to my two uncooperative companions. I was kissing his cheek and for that one beautiful moment, Loki was genuinely, visibly, happy. Times like these were few and far between, yet somehow I’d managed to capture this one.

I grabbed an envelope and slipped the photos in with a quick handwritten note. That was about the time I started to smell burning waffles. “Dammit.” I hurried back into the kitchen and lifted the arm of the waffle iron. What used to be a waffle was just a blackened brick. I sighed and scraped the charred pieces out of the grid. “Next time, give me a shout when you see smoke ok?” I looked over my shoulder to glare at Thor.

“I wasn’t sure if you intended to do that.” 

“I didn’t.” I muttered as I struggled to clean up the mess I’d just made. Throwing down the cup towel in frustration, I’d finally hit my limit. It was probably better that I let Loki fix breakfast. We had a finite amount of batter and I didn’t want to waste it all on failed attempts. On my way to wake Loki, I placed the envelope on the table in front of Thor. “Can you deliver this to Frigga when you get back?” Thor nodded and I pushed the bedroom door shut.

I crawled on the bed beside Loki, gently stroking his hair. He shifted, tugging me into his arms to snuggle. “You’re coffee is ready. I tried to fix breakfast and it isn’t going very well. Do you think you could give me a hand?” Loki opened his eyes immediately. The threat of me setting fire to the kitchen was enough to get him going. He released me before sating up in bed. While he took a few swallows of his coffee, I wrapped my arms around his middle. “Are you ok this morning?” Loki didn’t answer me, so I decided to try to coax a response from him. I kissed his neck, slowly moving up towards the lobe of his ear.

Of course that softened him up. Loki could never resist temptation when I went after his sweet spot. He leaned against me, warmly welcoming my affection. He rested his mug on the nightstand before pulling me onto his lap. When I kissed him, I could taste the bitter sweetness on his lips. Loki’s arms closed around me to ensnare me in his embrace. As wonderful as this all felt, it made it easy to forget that we had company. The way that he threw himself into these advances robbed me of my ability to reason. My body reacted with a similar ferocity, quickly outpacing my intentions. I only wanted to give him something to look forward to; however I’d underestimated the strength of my own repressed desires. Should my lower half get its way, we’d be screwing with a witness five feet away. That was also not something I could condone. “Slow down.” I whispered. I had to force myself to pull away or we would hit a point of no return. 

After several difficult moments of restraint, I still struggled to fight the desperate need that Loki had awakened. I closed my eyes, gathering every fragile fiber of strength I possessed to deny myself this pleasure. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

Just that quickly Loki became distant again. He retreated within himself to avoid confronting the raw emotions that still lingered near the surface and my heart sank. I felt as though I were victimizing him all over again. “This will end soon. Just a few more hours and everything will go back to the way it was.” I told him in an even quieter voice. Still Loki never said a word to me. At this point, I didn’t know what to expect.

Reluctantly, I got to my feet and persuaded him to do the same. Much to my relief, he cooperated. Loki tugged on a pair of sleep pants and continued through to the kitchen. What conversation Thor had for me earlier was nowhere to be found and nerve-wracking silence took its place. I busied myself alongside Loki, pulling dishes from the cabinets or pouring juice to go with our meal. Mostly I was using myself as a physical barrier. Even though all was calm at the moment, I wasn’t foolish enough to let my guard down. 

After Loki doctored the waffle batter, he prepared some sausage to go with them. I don’t know what I was going to have to do to make this up to him, but whatever it was, it had to be huge. At the same time, part of me began to wonder how long Loki’s silence would last. He placed the plate of waffles next to the tray of meat and he three of us gathered around the table to eat. The room fell deathly silent, save for the quiet sound of chewing. _And that’s not exactly a pleasant ambiance._ “So…you and Jane looked cozy last night. Did you tell her that you’re only in town for a little while? I’d hate for her to get her hopes up. She seemed like she was in to you.”

Thor nodded, “I told her. I think she was disappointed.”

I hummed in agreement, “I bet.” When I looked up from my plate, I watched Loki fuss over his food. Rather than eat anything he toyed with the cut waffle, shoving a piece through the syrup. All the while his expression remained blank. “How’s Frigga?” Immediately Loki’s eyes locked with mine. I couldn’t tell what feelings his expression emoted, only that it had gotten a measurable reaction. 

Between gargantuan bites, Thor managed to answer my question, “Mother is well. She spends most of her time tending to her garden now that spring has come.”

“I saw her gardens once. Mind you it was late in the season after everything had reached peak bloom but it was still beautiful. I was lost in the palace one afternoon when I found that hidden gem. Gosh I must have been there for hours. I just found a place to sit and didn’t leave. By the time I decided to find my way back to someplace familiar, Inge had half the servants out looking for me.” I chuckled, though mentioning her name brought a sour feeling to my stomach. I remembered how close we had been once upon a time, then the way that I’d desecrated her memory, and finally how I’d betrayed her husband in the name of revenge. “Anyway, I’m sure it’s even prettier at the start of the season.” I looked away in the hopes that this queasy feeling would pass soon. This must have been visible on my face, as Thor changed the subject. 

“Was this your home prior to your arrival in Asgard?” 

I shook my head, “No. I moved here shortly after I got back. I used to live a long way from here. Anyway, how much longer do you think you will be staying with us?” I asked. 

“I think I will be returning this evening. I intend to travel under the cover of darkness so that I do not draw attention to myself.”

“That’s a good idea. Make sure to get as far out of town as you can. People that watch the stars for a living are sure to notice your departure.” Since I’d finished the rest of my food, I stood up and began to collect the dirty dishes from around the table. 

To my dismay, Loki hadn’t eaten a crumb of the food. Instead of depriving him of the only distraction he had at his disposal, I thought it best allow to him clear his own plate when he was ready. “Could someone help me with the dishes?” Without a word Loki rose from his chair to do what I’d asked. That was when I noticed Kat standing next to the front door and to my dismay; she was giving me the look. _Why do you have to go out now? Could you have picked a more inconvenient time?_ Now that we’d made eye contact, I couldn’t ignore her. Her next move was to come ‘show me’. If I refused to pay attention after that, she’d squat in the middle the room then run off and hide. 

I gnawed at my lower lip as I weighted my options. _All of which are terrible._ After some quick deliberation, I decided that my only option was to take her downstairs for a few minutes. If she wouldn’t do her business in five minutes, I’d have to deal with whatever mood she was in for the remainder of the day. Kat sauntered over to nudge me as if to say, “Don’t make me have to tell you twice.” I sighed and glanced at the brothers. “Thor if you could fold up the blankets in the living room for me that would be super. And Loki honey, after the dishes, would you run the trash out to the dumpster please?” I slipped on the flip-flops that I kept next to the door for times like this. Loki gave me a half nod, never looking up from his task. I pulled on a jacket and fastened her leash, praying that today of all days that she would cooperated. 

I hurried out of our apartment and outside in record time. Of course Kat wanted to sight see, completely unaware of the powder keg we’d left in our apartment. _Or maybe she just didn’t give a shit._ Finally after three minutes and seven seconds, she found the ‘right’ place to do her business and we headed back inside. _Four minutes. Twenty seconds. You’re going to make it!_ Just as I was making my way back into the lobby, I couldn’t even reach the first flight before I heart them hollering at each other. “Fuck!” I dropped her leash and sprinted up the stairs. _I wasn’t even gone for five goddamn minutes!_ At least they weren’t using Allspeak, now our neighbors wouldn’t have a clue what they were arguing about. However, that didn’t mean that they wouldn’t call the cops over some noisy foreigners trying to tear down the walls. As I rounded the last turn, I hear something crash and then the floor rattled beneath my feet. _Please don’t let anyone be dead…_ I threw open the door and burst into the apartment, hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

Thor had Loki pinned against the wall, slamming him up against it in an effort to break the hold he had around his neck. After several destructive blows to the drywall, Thor broke the vice-like grip Loki had had on his windpipe. Immediately after he released him, Loki produced a dagger in his right hand. I saw where this was headed and come hell or high water, I was not about to let Loki damn us both to the suffering we’d just been liberated from. “Loki, don’t!” I screamed at him. Thor managed to catch his brother’s wrist before he could inflict any injuries. They each grappled for leverage until Thor lost his footing, which caused them both to fall onto my coffee table. Unsurprisingly, it smashed under their combined weight. 

Against my better judgment, I inserted myself into the scuffle. I attempted to pull Loki backward, under the delusion that I might somehow be able to separate them. Trying to move Loki was like trying to bend iron with my bare hands, a fact I soon realized when my efforts were woefully unsuccessful. My next thought was to shove Loki off balance. The only hope I had for stopping him was to give Thor enough leverage to escape. I latched onto Loki’s arm and pulled with all my might. Loki threw his elbow backward to shake me off and I managed to catch the brunt of the blow with my face. 

I landed on my back a surprising distance across the room. In a daze, I could taste blood and I felt the room spinning around me. I don’t remember how long I’d lain there on the ground, watching them through blurry vision. Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. I saw them fighting, I saw Loki point his blade inches from his brother’s chest and it simply didn’t register in my brain that this was about to end very badly. Then I saw the look in Loki’s eyes. It was animalistic. There was nothing besides pure rage. He wasn’t himself anymore. The ghost of madness that I’d seen glimpses of so many times before had finally overtaken him. All at once the feeling of urgency flooded back. Now Loki had his blade aimed inches from his brother’s chest and with each passing second, the point of his dagger moved closer and closer. It came down to brute strength and a simple test of will. Thor’s life depended on who would give out first. 

Not knowing what else to do, I crawled over to them and fought to wedge as much of my body in the space between them as I could. Concussion or no, I couldn’t just watch this happen. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t feared for my life. I was afraid of what else Loki might inadvertently do to me, yet at the same time I was more afraid of the consequences we would face if he succeeded in killing Asgard’s future King. I couldn’t let this happen. I were going down without a fight. When I looked up at him, I could feel myself trembling but I didn’t let that stop me. “Loki, look at what you’re doing.” I pleaded. 

“Get out of the way.” He growled. Loki tried to shove me aside, and I dug my heals into the carpet, fighting back with all of the strength I could muster in order to hold my ground. 

“Look at what you’re doing! Baby please…look at me.” I begged. Carefully, I touched his cheek, attempting to get him to look me in the eye. “Loki this isn’t you. Please, don’t do this. I’m begging you.” After several failed attempts, I managed to make eye contact. In that brief moment of weakness, Thor pushed us both off of him, escaping to the other side of the room. This left Loki and I alone in the center of the carnage. Now that Thor was no longer in imminent danger, I focused all of my attention on calming Loki. I didn’t care that we had an audience or what might happen next. My only concern was for my husband. “This isn’t you Loki. You know that…I know that—“

“It was not your place to intervene!” Loki shouted. 

“It was my place. I don’t want to lose you and I’d rather die than to let them curse me again. Loki I am begging you, stop before you destroy everything that you’ve fought for.” I moved closer, carefully putting my hand over his fist. “I need you here to wake me with kisses every morning. I need you’re face to be the last I see each night. No one else can love me the way that you do…no one else can make love to me the way you do. You understand me better than anyone. I need your backtalk to keep me grounded and your sense of humor to make me laugh even when I want cry. _You’re my everything._ Don’t take that away from me. Don’t throw away everything you’ve earned for this. It’s not worth it.” The instant Loki realized what he’d done to me, his demeanor changed. Horrified, Loki didn’t resist when I pried his fingers from around the hilt of his dagger. Then I threw it farther beyond his reach. “It’s just you and me Loki. We have each other. We’re in this together. Anywhere. Always. Remember?” 

In my periphery I saw a look of surprise overtake Thor’s expression. Clearly he hadn’t thought I was capable of talking Loki down from this. Under different circumstances, I would have been disgusted by the lack of faith one could have in my ability to comfort my own husband. Loki’s posture slouched as every ounce of fight left him in a single wave. “I’m not upset with you. We’ll be ok, I promise. I’m sorry I forced this on you.” I tightened my arms around him until he leaned in my embrace. I supported him in ever sense of the word. After a few seconds, I looked at Thor over Loki’s shoulder, “Go.” I mouthed. While I continued to comfort him, Thor hastily collected his things. Only once I was confident that Loki had been neutralized, I climbed to my feet and ushered Thor into the hall. I kept my eyes lowered because the second we made eye contact, I would lose what thread of composure I still clung to. 

Before he left, I caught his arm and Thor turned back to me. “I’m so very sorry. I thought that I could help and all I did was make things worse. Please, forget what just happened and we’ll do the same.” I pleaded.

“Are you alright?” I saw in his eyes that Thor was genuinely concerned for my wellbeing. _No. Do I look alright?_

I nodded, beginning to close the door. “You should get out of town. Half a day’s walk should be far enough. I’m sorry. I truly did not mean for this to happen.” 

“You did nothing wrong Ele. Look after him…and yourself.” Thor gave me a nod, a sign of the increased respect he now had for me. 

I closed the door and leaned against the wall for support. Finally this tragedy had come to an end. Once the initial relief began to fade, I went to the fridge to gather a few cubes of ice in a dishtowel. I knelt to Loki’s level and pressed the cool compress against his swollen cheekbone. _You know that this is entirely your fault. You should have let Thor leave the day he arrived. But no, you think you know every damn thing._ Even as I continued to lick the blood that still seeped from my slip lip, I refused to put my own recover ahead of his. Had I not tried to force peace down his throat, Loki never would have exploded like this. “I’m sorry. I should have listened to you.” I whispered. 

Loki never replied. He just sat there wearing one of the most heart-wrenching looks of defeat I’d ever seen. I was forced to accept that I couldn’t save him from this. Most importantly, I had to face the fact that it was my fault for driving to this point in the first place. For a long time I sat with him on the floor. I nursed his wounds and held his hand when all he could do was scream in frustration. I did everything I could think to show him that I was here for him. _And it still isn’t enough._

It wasn’t until much later that night that anything changed. We’d ended up resting against the wall. His head lay across my lap while I gently ran my fingers through his messy hair. It was the only thing that seemed to soothe him. The last several hours had been spent this way. Loki never said a word to me. I suppose his mind had checked out hours ago, too overwhelmed to deal with this shit show. 

It was getting late and I had a shit ton of work to do. When I stood up, I managed to persuade Loki to follow me to our room. I got him lie down and then kissed his forehead. “I’ll be right outside the door if you need me, ok?” I’d hoped that the question might earn some kind of response, except it didn’t. Loki continued to lie there on his side, in a near catatonic state. 

With nothing left for me to say, I turned away and I went to the closet grab a pair of shoes. That was where I found Kat. She was cowering in the corner and no matter how much I coxed her, she wouldn’t leave the security of her hiding place. For some reason that was what finally brought me to tears. Even though I hadn’t been the one to throw any punches, I was responsible for **all** of this. _You said that everything would be ok. He trusted you and look where that got him._ In less than 24 hours our life had been turned upside down. Every single one of us had been damaged by my poor judgment. I dried my eyes and looked around. In spite of my own emotions, I knew that I couldn’t afford to cave under the pressure. I had no choice but to be the one to see us through this. So I continued out into the living room to confront the physical damage that had been done. 

My kitchen table was in pieces and the glass was shattered to smithereens all over the floor. In the living room, the sofa appeared to have been used as a weapon. Simply put, the place was trashed. After today, there was no chance that we’d be allowed to stay here. I _might_ have been able to talk my way out of yet another noise complaint, however those massive holes in the walls weren’t going to earn us any favors. The first thing I needed to do was clean up this mess. After that I would start packing. Come Monday, I was sure that we’d get another visit from the manager or at the very least a polite letter in our mailbox telling us we had until the end of the month to get the hell out. With that in mind I began to clean up the glass that littered the carpet. On the bright side, now that the only two tables I owned had been destroyed, moving was going to be a little easier. 

After I’d cleaned up all the glass, I leaned against the counter and tried to gather my strength. I was exhausted, every inch of my body ached, I’d successfully broken my husband and we were about to lose the place we called home. I don’t think I’d ever fucked up this badly in one day before. Rather than dwell on all of this, I popped a few Ibuprofen then got back to work.

Soon the sun began to rise and I watched the sky lighten with the morning’s first rays. A whole day had flown by and I hadn’t even felt it. _And another one has just begun._ When the stores opened in a few hours, I planned to buy enough boxes to pack up our life. I didn’t know where we would go, just that we were going somewhere. With my decision already made for me, I staggered into the bedroom and climbed in bed beside Loki. I was careful not to wake him as I got settled under the covers. Although my intention was to sleep, my eyes barely closed for more than a few minutes at a time. The weight of what I’d allowed to happen, warded off all hopes of peaceful slumber. I wondered when Loki would rebound from this or if he’d ever recover. Most importantly, I hope that someday he’d find it in his heart to forgive me for what I’d done.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm sure you saw this coming. It would have been more surprising if Loki hadn't lashed out the way he did. I curious to know what you think about the way things played out for them. I promise the next chapter will be a lot kinder to him. There will be quite a few heartwarming moments and couple surprises that I think you will like. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this terribly overdue update and I hope to have the next chapter up for you soon.


	37. Rising from the Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and **smut**

Loki’s alarm went off and the harsh noise echoed around us. Our bedroom had become nothing more than an empty shell. All that remained was the furniture as the rest of our possessions had been cleared away in preparation for our inevitable migration to a new home. Loki was scheduled to work today, not that I expected him to go. 

Just as he been silent all of Saturday, yesterday had been much of the same. He never spoke or got out of bed. Not even to eat. Despite knowing that Loki hated eating in bed, I brought his lunch to our room. By that point, Loki had gone nearly three days without food and I simply couldn’t stand the thought of him being hungry on top of everything else that he was dealing with. Even after fasting for so long, Loki still refused everything I put before him. As a last resort, I left his plate on the nightstand in the hopes he would at least nibble on it if I weren’t there to pressure him. However, when I returned that evening to collect the dishes, his food was still untouched. 

The bed shifted when he reached over to silence the alarm and I turned to face him. “Good morning.”

For the first time in days, Loki looked _at_ me rather than past me. He pulled the covers over my shoulder, tucking it under my chin. “Go back to sleep.”

For a moment I thought to protest, except I didn’t want to push him away again. I couldn’t endure another day’s worth of silence. So I settled to steal a quick kiss and I rested my head to against his chest while he still allowed it. “I love you.” Loki hesitated. For whatever reason, it was as if he hadn’t expected to hear that. 

“Don’t be late to work.” With that he got out of bed and I watched as he maneuvered around the stacks if boxes. I’d piled most of our belongings in the living room until I ran out of space. Then things began to overflow in here. All of the homey charm that I’d accumulated over the years had been unceremoniously stripped away in a matter of hours. Everything but our day-to-day essentials was tucked away. I often wondered what Loki thought of this whole transition, but I dare not ask. The short dialogue we’d had this morning was the most conversation we’d had in the last three days. While I packed, Loki had dealt with things in his own way. 

When he headed into the bathroom to take a shower, I tried to do as he’d instructed. I turned over and closed my eyes with the intention of going back to sleep. In the end, I simply couldn’t. I called in sick to work to buy myself some more time to figure this out. Not only had I accrued a total of four hours of sleep in the last few days, I still had a ton of business to get in order. Loki emerged from his shower a little while later and began to search the closet for something to wear, an easy task given I’d left out a grand total of three shirts and two pairs of pants. For the most part I watched him get ready, until our silence got the better of me. “I’ll pick you up from work. I don’t want you walking home in the rain this afternoon.” 

“Don’t worry yourself.” Loki never even bothered to look at me. It felt wrong for me to be staying home while he went to work the day away. At the same time, I was thankful. It would be good for him to get out of the house for a few hours. Staying cooped up at home would just allow him to sit idly and stew over the situation some more. This was a much-needed distraction. _Not that its a particularly great distraction. Anything is better than nothing at all._

On top of that, I needed some time away from him as well. Not because I was tired of putting up with his emotional fragility, it was quite the opposite. As long as we were under the same roof, I wouldn’t be able to pull myself away from him long enough to focus on anything. It was a painful, if not ironic reality, but the separation would do us both some good. It also helped that I trusted Kevin to give me a call that if Loki started to derail again. That was somewhat reassuring. This way, I could focus on the other tasks that required my immediate attention. Today’s number one priority was finding another place to live. 

Now that Loki had a job, we had more income at our disposal and that gave us a lot more options. _So at least we have that going for us._ “I’m going to look at some new apartments today.” I said, hoping that Loki would speak to me again. However, he simply nodded. “Are there any features you’d like the new place to have? I was thinking that a walk in closet might be nice.“

“Whatever you get will suffice.” Loki stated matter-of-factly. 

I sighed before crawling to the end of the bed to sit beside him. “Are you angry with me? You’d be justified if you were…I just want to know.” 

Loki stilled, hesitating to answer my question. “No. You would know if that were the case.”

“I’m not sure that I would. It feels like you hate with me right now.” I replied, immediately detesting how pathetic I sounded. 

“If I hated you, you wouldn’t be here to ask me that.” Loki answered. His response was a _little_ upsetting. At first I wasn’t sure how to process what he’d just confessed and once I confronted his true meaning, a shiver ran down my spine. Rather than comment on his statement, I accepted it and decided it was better to change the subject. “What time do you get off work today?” Kat leapt onto the bed and curled up in my space, taking advantage of the warmth that I’d left behind.

“Four.”

“Ok. I’ll be there at four. Hopefully, I’ll have some good news by then as well.” I smiled in the hopes that it would brighten his mood. Although I was not surprised when my gesture went unreciprocated.

“Don’t go out of your way.” Loki stood up and left me at the edge of the bed. Feeling bereft, I slumped as I watched him gather his things, then head out the door. He never once looked back or said a word. He just left. And once again, silence began to take over. “I really fucked up this time.” I groaned as I buried my face in my pillow. _Maybe if you smother yourself it will solve the problem. Go ahead. Try it._ I screamed out my frustration, hoping that I’d feel better. _Nope. Didn’t think it would._

I remained facedown for a while, mostly taking the time to collect myself until I felt a cold nose against my ear. Then Kat licked me relentlessly, convinced that I was dying and that it was up to her to save me. I shirked in discomfort, shoving her away until she settled beside me. “I don’t know what to do. This is my fault…all of this is my fault. How I’m supposed to fix it? I’m afraid that he won’t ever be the same. He says he doesn’t hate me but…what if that just means he’s fallen out of love with me?” 

She nudged her head under my hand so that I would pet her. “You wouldn’t happen to have any ideas would you? You’re usually full of advice.” Kat yammered in response, answering my question the only way she could. And at the same time, an idea came to me. “That’s…actually a great suggestion.” I sat up in bed as I mulled it over once more. Throwing back the covers, I hurried to get dressed. “You are a genius.” I hugged her before grabbing her leash. “Let’s get shit done.”

* * *

Just before Loki was due to get off of work, I parked outside of the bike shop. While we waited, I munched on some fries and every now and again I’d share one with Kat. _If I don’t, she’ll shove her face in the bag and steal Loki’s lunch. I can’t have that._ Through the store window, I found Loki. He was busy straightening the shelves and even from this distance I still felt the solemn air that had followed him all weekend. He looked miserable, even by his standards. 

At exactly 4pm, Loki headed into the back to clock out. Moments later he emerged from the store and it hurt my heart to see him this unhappy. The time away from the apartment clearly hadn’t done as much good as I would’ve hoped. I guess he was doing as well as expected, considering he hadn’t come here for rest and relaxation. Loki slid into the passenger’s side and I kissed his cheek. “How was work?”

“Uneventful.” 

“That’s not a bad thing.” As we started down the road, I dropped his food onto his lap. Loki reached into the bag for his food, too focused on eating to really pay attention to where we were headed. _All according to plan…_ His hunger had finally caught up to him. It wasn’t until Loki was midway through his second burger that I noticed his expression change subtly. Had we been headed back to the apartment, we would have arrived a while ago. “Where are we going?” He finally asked. 

“Today Kat and I were out house hunting—“

He scrunched his brow, “House hunting?” 

“Yes. After you left this morning, I got busy finding us another apartment. There are three beautiful candidates on the table. I went on tours and put in applications for all of them. We should know something before the end of the week. I think you will like them a lot. They’re all much bigger than the tiny shoe box we live in right now.”

“And they are still within our means?” Loki inquired.

“Yes. You’ll be pleased to know that I channeled my inner you and stuck with our budget. At the same time…I channeled my inner me and let my imagination run wild for a little bit.” Loki rolled his eyes, returning his gaze to the passing scenery at the other side of the window. “Kat and I were talking, and she had a brilliant idea. Why not buy a house?”

“Short answer…we cannot afford one.” Loki interjected. 

“Under normal circumstances, you’d be right. However, I went over to the real-estate office, today. It never hurts to ask a few questions. Anyway, they told me about this **steal** of a deal. Get this, yesterday some lady came in and listed a place for an estate sale. The previous owner was some well to do woman. She was old and died, but her daughter wants nothing to do with the property. They’re selling it as-is, _way_ below market value, to the first offer. She just want it off her hands as soon as possible—“

“What else is wrong with it?” Loki asked. 

“Nothing. The old woman’s daughter just doesn’t want to invest the time and effort into a long drawn out resale. I’m told that she has a comfortable life out in Washington State. Our agent, her name is Linda by the way, told me everything checks out. And before you ask, I’ve already gone to a few other places just to get a second and a third opinion on it and it looks like we might just get super lucky with this one.” I explained. 

Loki just glared at me, clearly unconvinced and almost too exhausted to even attempt to care. “We don’t get lucky.” He muttered dismissively.

“I beg to differ. We’re lucky that you decided to walk in the woods that day. We’re even luckier that I found myself next to that river at the same time you were passing through. I could have popped up in the vacuum of space and both of our lives would have turned out very differently. Specifically mine, as I would be super dead. Yes, this might turn out to be nothing. I can accept that. Maybe it really is too good to be true, but this could also be one of the best breaks we’ve ever gotten. We don’t loose anything by looking into it. We only stand to gain.”

Loki continued to stare out of the window, refusing to invest anything into this prospect, which I could understand. I was just a little heartbroken that he wouldn’t even give this a chance. “Is that where we are going, to inspect this questionable estate that you have affixed your hopes to?” Loki grumbled.

“Yes.” I tried my best to keep my disappointment to myself. Somehow I’d imagined this going better, for what reason I wasn’t sure. Call it foolish optimism I suppose. 

We turned down a long winding road, one that Loki and I had passed by countless times, never knowing what lay around this bend. I turned at the mailbox and to my astonishment; we came to a beautiful antebellum style home. The house was painted a refreshing yellow, trimmed in white woodwork all around. There was even a patio on the second floor. This was every bit of the dream house I’d imagined it would be. The regal pillars that decorated the front were a nice touch; one I hoped would add some sentimental appeal for Loki. 

The hedges around the wrap around porch were wild and overgrown and the house needed a fresh coat of paint but as far as I could tell that was the extent of the repairs. I parked the car and took a long moment to admire. Linda had shown me a few pictures back at the office, but it was even more impressive in person. 

“This is what you want?” Loki sneered. 

“I thought that you might like it. Sure, it needs a little TLC but…who of us doesn’t?” I turned to him, and offered a reassuring smile. Loki still wouldn’t concede an inch. “Let’s just take a look inside? Then if you really don’t like it, we’ll go with one of the other places I’ve applied for. Does that sound fair?” Reluctantly, he unfastened his seatbelt and allowed me to lead him to the house. I took his hand as we advanced up the front walkway. I supposed I ought to be grateful that he’d allowed me this intimacy.

Our agent was already here. So far we were the only clients to have shown interest the open house today. _And I intend to keep it that way._ I’d been a bit hesitant to made this appointment in the first place. Too late in the evening and Loki would refuse to come back out. Bring him straight over after work and it was a disaster waiting to happen, hence the reason I fed him. After this morning, I figured he would still be in a bit of a sour mood and from past experience, I knew that that was nothing compared to a hangry Loki. 

As we approached the house, I couldn’t stop looking around in awe. To me the place was gorgeous. I could already see us living here. Kat would have the time of her life running around in this big yard or digging holes for me to complain about. And some day, maybe not all that long from now, our kids would enjoy it too. There were plenty of trees stout and tall enough for many a playhouse. Of course, I kept these daydream to myself. This was not the time to be making those kinds of statements. We were here to find a fresh start. We needed a new place to live and I wanted to begin again in a home where Loki could feel proud of the life we’d built together. Our current home was a vestige of a lie that I’d lived in solitude. Maybe the next step in his healing and to some extent my own could come from taking this next leap. 

On the porch at the far side of the house there was a bench swing, the kind that every country home on tv seemed to have. When I cast my focus in that direction, I saw the two of us sitting there on a warm summer night. I smelled the fresh cut grass and I heard the chorus of crickets singing in the background. His hand rested against my thigh and I sat atop his lap, leaning against him as we swayed in the darkness. His lips tasted like cider and when he kissed me I felt a true sense of belonging, the kind that I’d only ever felt a handful of times in my whole life. 

Just as quickly as I’d slipped into this daydream, I’d fallen out of it. The scene that I’d just witnessed was our future. I knew it was. It was instinct. It felt too real to be otherwise. I’d remembered it as if it had already happened. When I looked at him, I immediately noticed that the man that stood before me wasn’t the same contented soul I’d seen just moments ago. It was jarring. My Loki was still so withdrawn and sad. All I wanted to do was take away his pain, no matter the personal or monetary expense. I’d seen what we could become; I just wasn’t sure how to get there. 

“We can go back if you don’t want to do this.” I offered. 

“Don’t be foolish. We’re already here, Ele.” Loki countered agitatedly. Now my questions were grating his patience, so rather than irritate him further I knocked on the door. While we waited for Linda to let us in, I noticed Loki looking around. If I wasn’t mistaken there was veiled curiosity in his eyes. After he’d put up such a fuss in the car, I guess his pride wouldn’t allow him to come right out and admit that he was starting to dig the place too. Just then the door opened, interrupting our silent appraisals. “Welcome! Come inside.” The moment we stepped into the foyer, I knew for sure that this was my home. _It’s just a matter of selling Loki._

As we walked farther into the house, I realized that it was even more spacious than it looked from the outside. If that wasn’t enough, the interior was also in far better repair. “You look like you’re nearly sold.” Linda mentioned, having noticed my eyes light up the second I saw the ornate chandelier. 

Out of respect for Loki, I shrugged noncommittally. It was best that I refrained from getting my hopes up too soon. I didn’t want to make him feel obligated to like this house. _Or worse, give him a reason to rebel._ We were in this together. No exceptions. “I’m just admiring. This is my husband Loki.” I smiled as I introduced him. 

Linda gave me a knowing look, thankfully deciding not to call me out. She offered her hand to him. “It’s nice to meet you. How long have you two been married?” She asked curiously. 

“Going on five years.” Loki answered.

“Congratulations. Will this be the first home together?” She inquired, opening the question to the pair of us. 

“Yeah. Right now we’re still living in my place. I reckon we deserve something a little nicer. Don’t you think?” I turned to Loki in the effort to bring him into the discussion.

“We need to find somewhere to go before the end of the month.” He stated dryly. I frowned, at his straightforwardness. I just hoped that his mood would get better before the end of this showing. If not, I was starting to question my chances of convincing him to see things my way.

“Oh, ok! That’s actually perfect. This house should be exactly what you’re looking for. Ready for a tour?” I smiled to myself, appreciating Linda’s approach. _At least **she’s** on my side._ Without further ado, she launched right into her pitch. “This house was originally built in 1895, however the previous owner had some major renovations done in the last three years. The kitchen and the bathrooms are new with all modern fixtures and appliances. It’s the perfect marriage of modern and traditional farmhouse charm. Mrs. Lawrence insisted on preserving the character of the house so most of the woodwork is original.” We followed Linda through the first floor, taking in the scenery. 

The kitchen was amazing. It was spacious and bright and everything that I’d ever hoped for. Even though Loki was the one who did the cooking, I wouldn’t mind learning just to have a reason to use a kitchen like this. “Loki check this out,” I meandered over to the stove, “a pot filler.” I whispered. As expected Loki gave me a rather confused look, although he said nothing.

“I should mention that because this is an estate sale you would be buying the house as-is and the seller has interpreted that to include all of the furnishings that you see here. You may choose to sell some of the pieces or none at all. The choice is entirely yours. She has already come to claim what possessions she’s decided to keep. There are a lot of antiques that I have seen and I will be honest with you, some are quite rare. You could earn a very pretty penny at the right auction. I would do my research before selling anything.” Linda advised. 

I smiled at my husband, “That’s neat. Loki actually has a fair bit of experience with antiquing. I guess that skill will finally come in handy, huh?” I turned to him. 

Seemingly unimpressed, Loki’s eyes scanned the study. “Perhaps.” I watched as he pulled one of the books from the shelf. He turned it over in his hands before casting it aside onto the desk. 

We ventured upstairs to look at the bedrooms. There were five in total, each of varying size. The master bedroom was at the front of the house, and gave access to the upstairs porch. It reminded me of Loki’s rooms back in Asgard. This wasn’t quite as lavish, but it was a damn good alternative. Every inch of the house was a dream come true for me and I fell more in love with each passing second. I found myself fighting to keep my passions under control. I had to remind myself that this wasn’t a choice that I could make on my own. If Loki didn’t like the house, that was that. I didn’t want to force anything else on him ever again, including this. I’d respect his position and let it go. 

While we were in the master, Linda shared with us the asking price and it nearly floored me. “That’s it? Loki that’s only…$200 more than what we’re paying for rent right now. All of _this_ for the price we’d be paying at one of the other apartments.” I explained as I looked at my calculator.

“I will leave you two to talk numbers. Feel free to look around for a bit and I will be downstairs if you have any questions.” Linda excused herself. 

Loki went to sit by the window, watching the rain trickle down the glass. Slowly I began to approach him, “So what do you think? You’ve hardly said a word this whole time.” His expression remained unreadable. “Did you like the study? I thought the built in shelving were a nice touch. There’ll be plenty of room for your all books and there’s a nice sunny spot for you to put a comfy chair by the window.” I tried to read his expression for any signals that I was getting through to him. Rather than continue to talk at him, I sat beside to him. “Do you really want to know why I brought you out here?”That question seemed to pique his curiosity. 

“What happened the other day…it hurt me to see you like that. It hurts me whenever you’re unhappy, but _that_ …that was more than I can endure. I realized that you’ve not had control over anything in your life for a very long time, for far too long in my opinion. And yes a great deal of this has been my fault; I’ll accept the blame where I can. Now I want to help you change that. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get out of the city and return to something you’re familiar with. Out here, we never have to worry about pesky neighbors. No more noise complaints. We both have jobs that pay pretty well and we can manage this. All this house needs is some paint and a little redecorating. I know it’s not quite a palace for you to rule over, but you can be the man of _this_ house. This can be our fresh start if you want it to be.“

“You’re right.” Loki stated quietly. At first I was so taken aback by his statement that I could only stare in amazement. _That actually worked!?_

“Really? You like it?”

“Yes.” 

“You’re not just saying that because you think I want to hear it?”

“When have I ever done that?” Loki countered. 

“I don’t know. I just don’t want you to feel pressured into this. This is a big commitment. I know you’re going through a rough patch right now and I don’t want you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you—“

Loki kissed me, presumably to shut me up. “I said…I like it.” He reiterated. 

“You’re absolutely sure?”

“Yes.” For the first time in ages I watched the ghost of a smile touch his lips. I almost wanted to jump for joy from that alone, never mind the fact that we were about to buy my dream house. Despite the struggle that raged inside him, Loki was making the effort to climb out of his emotional trench. It was deep and he was at the bottom of it, yet something I’d done had managed to shine a ray of light into his darkness. _Mission accomplished._

“Can we put in an offer? We’re in this together Loki. I need you to want this as much as I do.” I held his hands tightly. 

“You have my full consent.” 

Before he’d even gotten all of his words out I squealed, jumping into his arms. “Loki! This is our chance. ” 

“Let’s not waste it. We should put our intent in writing before someone else has the opportunity to act.”

I hugged him again, squeezing as tightly as I could. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Loki and I made our way downstairs to share our decision with Linda. She seemed happy for us, or at least happy about her commission. So with that we headed to her office to get started on the paperwork. She told us that it would be a few weeks before the bank could process everything and make this official. After a quick call to the seller, she agreed to take it off the market pending the banks approval. Just like that, it was almost a done deal. Regardless of how enticing the prospect, I wasn’t naïve enough to get comfortable until we I had it in writing. Hell, I still might not believe it even if when we had the keys in our hands.

Later that evening we returned home. I was floating on cloud nine and Loki’s spirits had lifted significantly. However, the second we entered the place we still called home, the pain that Loki had fended offed descended once again. I was determined to help him take his mind off of the pain for as long as I could. Maybe I couldn’t resolve it, but I was not about to let him sink into the depths of his despair again. Not after our surprise excursion had brightened his mood this much. 

“Don’t you think it will be tedious having to sort through the previous owners belongings before we can get settled in ourselves?” Loki asked. 

“Maybe at first. Although I see it as an opportunity to earn back some of our money. We’ll be able to afford some new furniture, maybe some paint, and a lawn mower.” I chuckled. 

“I want a horse.” Loki stated as he flopped into the sofa. 

“We’ll have the land for it…and a barn to accommodate it apparently. We’re really going to need to budget all this out. What would you name it?” I asked as I sat on his lap. 

“Sleipnir, I’ve always liked that name for a horse.” Loki rested his head against the back of the sofa. 

“That’s…unique?” I laughed. 

“Says the woman who calls her dog Kat.” Loki retorted. 

“I meant it in a good way Loki. It is unique and I like it.” I kissed his cheek. Still, I saw him beginning to retreat within himself again and immediately I rejected that. “Are you excited about the new house?” I asked him. 

Loki kicked off his shoes, looking at me with tired eyes. “I suppose.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m not looking forward to transporting everything we own to the new house.” He clarified. 

“Me either…but I am looking forward to one thing.” I mentioned, as I sat up to face him. 

“Enlighten me.”

“We get to christen each room.” I smiled. 

Loki quirked an eyebrow, “And that means what exactly?”

Straddling him, I ran my fingers through his hair. “It means that I’m going to have to make love to you in every single room of that big beautiful house. Sounds rough, I know. I’ll just have to suck it up and put my back into it.” I whispered. 

“Hmm, that’s quite a few rooms. Even that musty basement?” Loki asked, sounding a bit off put. 

“If you want, yes.” I giggled. He let me kiss him. It was only a light peck, nothing overly sensual but just enough to seduce him. My lips brushed against his again, tempting him into passionate indulgence. This time Loki tasted me liberally, pursuing me as if his life depended on the sweetness behind my kiss. I gently pressed my hips against his in the hopes that my desires would translate into action. When he kissed me I felt the building desperation, the need that he’d repressed these last few days. There was so much that Loki had buried in order to avoid the pain of his exile or the emotional torment that he still endured surrounding the truth of his parentage. His heartache was in everything that he did from the way that he kissed me to the way he carried himself. All I wanted was to make it all better.

I pulled away from his kiss and I moved down to his jaw, trailing tender peck through the week old stubble bristled his skin. His hands circled my waist, holding me on his lap as though he thought I might be going somewhere. “I want you, Loki. Take me to bed.” I whispered against the shell of his ear. Without further persuasion, Loki lifted me in his arms. I steadied myself by bracing onto his shoulders, never once abandoning the pleasure of his lips. 

Loki dumped me onto the mattress, denying me the chance to slink away and I pulled him lower to maintain this delicious intimacy. Then I helped him undress, tugging his shirt over his head and unfastening the front of his pants. All the while I took comfort in the vulnerability that he allowed himself to show me. When Loki made love to me, he buried every bit of his frustration deep inside me. In this moment I was nothing more than a tool, meant only to serve his needs and to give him pleasure. I was happy to give him the outlet, so long as it would distract him from the turmoil that resided within him.

The baritone of his voice in the heat of the passion jolted through me like a live wire. My body quaked under his touch, accepting him into my womanhood with fervent need. When I cried his name he took that as encouragement, trusting into me harder and hard. In my desperate attempt to maintain some semblance of control, I dig my fingers into his back. This only propelled him to take me with far less tenderness, the exact opposite of my intentions. Loki moved over me with the ferocity of a man seeking release first and foremost. 

It had been a long time since Loki had taken me this roughly. He never entirely unleashed his lust for fear of injuring me. However, that was not the case tonight. He’d all but forgotten how delicate I was, relentlessly fucking me as though I were some sturdy Asgardian woman. The best that I could do was hold on and try to cleave to the receding waves of pleasure as they mingled in with the sharpened spears of discomfort. Then came the moment of release. For me it was a time of relief and ecstasy, pain and pleasure, and everything in between. Then Loki spilled his seed inside me, rocking into me until the final wave of his orgasm rippled through him. Once he’d exhausted himself, he collapsed next to me and our clammy skin pressed against each other. 

For a moment I lay there, allowing my body to rest after the plundering it had just endured. Aside from the uncomfortable wetness that I felt leaking between my thighs, the aching I felt deeper inside myself grew more pronounced. At the same time Loki tenderly kissed along my collarbone, caressing my body in silent worship. I may not be mortal anymore but I was certainly something all together different from him. That had never been more apparent. Somehow Loki sensed the state I’d found myself in. I felt his hand come to rest on between my legs, followed by the healing warmth of his magic. We lay in silence for some time together. This quiet company that we shared was enough. 

Soon Loki turned to me, leisurely toying with a ringlet of my hair before tucking it behind my ear, “You deserve better.” He whispered.

I turned his head upwards so that I could look him in they eye. “Don’t be ridiculous Loki. There is no one better for me than you. You deserve to be loved just as much as anyone else. What happened the other morning changes nothing.” I corrected. 

“Stop making excuses for me. I hurt you and I almost did far worse than that. You cannot possibly fathom how…detached from myself I had become. And for what…one last _pathetic_ attempt to steal something I was never meant to have.” When he spoke, I heard the broken falter in his voice, the same pain that he’d confronted each of the previous nights. What was there for me to say? I understood how helpless this conflict made him feel. I saw the way his pain ravaged him, distorting his mind to the point where he’d become another person. _Was this the man that he’d become after three long years in that cell?_

Rather than speak in protest of what he said, I opted to be his sounding board as he worked through this. “I had him right where I needed him. I could have finished him, once and for all. I could have become the rightful King.” Loki mused aloud. His voice carried the frustration of years of pent up anger. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing and elected to stroke his hair to comfort him in some small way. “I thought that I could do it. This time I was going to end him. We were going to reclaim what was rightfully ours and I wasn’t about to let you change my mind. Regardless of what you thought, I was _going_ to follow through this time. Yet when the moment came…I couldn’t. I was **weak**.” Loki stated bitterly.

“You’re not weak—“

“Then what am I? There was only one thing I needed to do in order to ensure our reign. I’ve kill more men than you care to know and this one…I couldn’t follow through because I was concerned about what my wife would think of me? I couldn’t end him because sentiment got in the way.” Loki hissed. 

“Loki none of that is weakness. All that I see is strength. Maybe it’s a different kind of strength than what you’re used to, but I assure you sentiment isn’t weakness. It isn’t worthless either. At your core you love deeply and you are a principled man. You’re brave enough to confront your fears and deal with the painful realities that would destroy weaker men. You lost everything that you held near and dear, yet you’re still standing…ready to defend what is yours.” I kissed his forehead, “He’s done wrong by you time and time again. I understand why you feel the way you do. Acceptance and forgiveness are two very different things. They follow different rules and don’t always happen simultaneously. Regardless of how you feel about him or this situation, that has nothing to do with the way I feel about you. You are **not** weak Loki. You’re hurt and wounds this deep don’t heal overnight.”

He pressed his forehead against mine, borrowing strength from my resolve. “I saw you everyday in the dungeons. The moments where I was at the cusp of insanity…you would come to me and lure me from the edge. When I turned away my meals because I wished to perish, I saw you as you were on our wedding night. I couldn’t escape the prison I’d created for myself. Losing you tormented me to a greater extent than the barriers that confined me.” Loki confessed. 

My heart was breaking all over again. “It’s over my love. You’ll never have to rely on those projections for comfort again. I’m here and I always will be. You have my unreserved love and affection for the rest of our lives.” I held him close and I felt the way that he relied on me to get him through this.

“I have never depended on anyone for anything and yet with you…I want to.” Loki confessed. He sounded confused. “When I was younger, I lead my men into battle and my only concern was to emerge alive and victorious. I was very pragmatic. My intention was to return with more men than our adversaries. I didn’t enjoy battle the way Thor did…for me it was a necessary evil. Before father had announced who would ascend to the throne, I looked forward to the women who would throw themselves in the path of their prince. Each one of them would lie at my feet, eager to please me for no reason other than the fact that I was their victorious general.”

I listened patiently, wondering why he was telling me this. I’d never asked how many women he’d been with. I was sure that his body count was much higher than I could imagine or that I was comfortable knowing. Simply put, I didn’t want to think about him being intimate with anyone else. I knew that it **had** happened in the past. Hell, it probably happened frequently during the time that I’d tried to pretend that I wasn’t attracted to him, but I still chose not to think about it. Nevertheless, I trusted that Loki had brought this up for a good reason. 

“Were I to face the same prospect today, I wouldn’t fight for honor or even the throngs of women who’d fall at my feet. I would fight so that I could return to my wife and for no other reason. I would defend my lands to ensure that you would be safe and that no harm would come to you. Everything that I do has become a devotion to you. No matter how wild or destructive the other part of me becomes, I’m unable to break this cycle.” When he brought me closer, my body molded against his as the little spoon. 

I wove my fingers through his, tucking our folded hands under my cheek. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of. We are one…bound by blood and oath. I would do the same for you, you know?” I felt Loki kiss the nape of my neck, nuzzling his chin into the turn of my shoulder. 

“I know. You showed me.”

* * *

I stood at the threshold of Mother receiving room, debating on whether I should return later. Her ladies were seated around the room in clusters as they chatted or practiced their needlework, yet Mother was nowhere in sight. Just as I was about to leave, she entered from the corridor. “What a pleasant surprise. How was your journey? Is our outpost secure?” 

“All is well.” She greeted me with a hug then guided me through the gathering of women. I followed her into one of the more private rooms before I spoke. “I regret to say that I was not entirely honest with you.” I explained as I closed the door. 

“I am aware my son. You have always been the honest one. ” Frigga mentioned, offering a wise smile. 

Rather than go into greater detail, I reached into my cloak to retrieve the purple envelope that Ele had entrusted me with. “I was asked to deliver this to you.” I stated. She had written mother’s formal title across the front in neat runes. Apparently Ele had learned far more in her time here than I’d had anticipated. My visit with them had been enlightening. I learned, among many other things, that I had greatly underestimated her. Before, I had doubted Ele’s sincerity. The very nature of her love for Loki escaped my understanding until I’d seen the way she spoken to him. She charmed him with the power of her voice alone. It was both impressive and unexpected. It may not have been the same brand of sorcery Loki wielded; yet in my opinion it was equally effective. 

“How were they?” Mother asked as she began to open the letter. 

“They appeared to be comfortable. She is a fine match for him. Before I had had my concerns…“

“I remember. What are your thoughts now?”

“I no longer have any doubt. She has…a way with him, the likes of which I’ve never witnessed.“ I commented. 

A hint of sadness touched her expression, “Yes. They have always shared a very strong bond and for that very reason, their sentences were even more devastating.” Mother freed the three images from the envelope and for the first time in a very long time, her smile finally reached her eyes. She inspected the last one for a long time, gently touching the picture as her grin widened.

_**Dear Allmother,** _

_**Thank you for all that you’ve done for us. Loki is ok and I remember. Because of your help, we get to make a lifetime's worth of memories together. Know that you’re in our hearts and that we wish you an abundance of peace and happiness.** _

_**With Love  
Loki  & Eleanor** _

“He is lucky to have her.” I mentioned.

“Yes, he truly is.”

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'd like to make a heartfelt shoutout to HGTV and the mountain of cold medicine I ingested for the inspiration for this chapter. After the last chapter I thought we could use something nice and upliftingish. As always I'm curious to hear your thoughts. I hope to have the next chapter up for you soon! :)


	38. Coming Clean

I placed my lunch on the table and sat across from Meg. She looked up, awash with relief when she realized that it was me. “Ele, you gave me a heart attack. I though you really did have to hide a body this weekend.” _You have no idea…_ She must have seen the silent sass-laden rebuttal in my eyes and that alone was reason enough to worry. “Is everything ok? You look like you’ve been through hell.”

“I’m sure hell is much nicer this time of year. Things have been very _difficult_ these last few days.” I confessed. At first I hesitated to confide in her, until I realized just how much I was forcing myself to internalize. Other than Meg, there weren’t very many people I trusted enough to share my troubles with. And after the weekend I had just had, that was what I needed the most. I was either going to let it out or implode. In the end I realized my mind was made already made up. “They didn’t quite kill each other, but they got pretty close.”

“I’m sorry, hon. What happened? Everything seemed fine when you left the other night. Loki is so quiet and laid back; I can’t imagine what it would take to fire him up. ”

I let out a long, heavy sigh. _You **clearly** don’t know Loki the way I do._ “It was horrible. Loki is rarely a hot head except for when his brother is around. _Then_ he can be down right violent. He never gets that way with me of course, although, it hurts almost as much to watch him experience so much anger and resentment. It just breaks my heart to see him that way, knowing that there isn’t anything I can do to stop it.”

“I wish I could have done more to help sweetie. When will Thor be leaving town? The sooner the better, right?”

“He left Saturday—“ 

Her brow furrowed in confusion, “My sources say that he’s been with Jane all weekend.” 

_That bitch…_ I raised an eyebrow, “Oh, was he now? Well, I hope Thor got all of that out of his system. He has a fiancé back home that won’t be too happy to hear that he’s been sewing his seed over here—“

“Whoa! Hold on, he’s engaged!? You let me set them up? I didn’t see a ring Eleanor!” 

“It came up in conversation over breakfast the other morning. I would have mentioned it before now, had I known he’d been shacking up with your friend for the last few days.” I hastened to explain. _Why can’t you just go the hell home? Get out of my town and quit making trouble for us._ I didn’t know for sure that Thor was actually getting married. I only knew that he was being coroneted. Although it was safe to assume that he would be taking a wife shortly there after. He needed to get to work on making those heirs and knowing Thor, he would be impatient to start. 

Regardless of my thoughts on him becoming the next Allfather, I wasn’t about to let Jane get tangled up in the royal politics. Before this revelation, I hadn’t had a reason to dislike her. Now it was personal. Obviously it was none of my business who Thor decided to become “involved” with, but if for some reason he decided to take her back to Asgard or worse marry **her** , I would be personally offended.

Odin had dissolved our marriage because I was mortal, Midgardian, and far below Loki’s station. _I wasn’t sure which of these sins were the most unforgivable in his eyes._ Nevertheless he had forbidden our union. Jane and I were no different. _Well there is **one** difference, but I won't even get into that._ Bottom line, there was no way in **hell** I was about to make it easy for her. Not after what I’d gone through. _Yes, I’m still bitter as hell._

“That really sucks. Even though it’s going to break her heart, what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t tell her?” Meg sighed. 

“If I were her, I’d want you to do it like a Band-Aid. Just cut to the chase and let me deal with it from there. She seems like a tough cookie, I’m sure she can handle it.” _I honestly couldn’t care less. I kind of hope it crushes her. That way she’ll leave him alone. Loki isn’t the only one that can be a vindictive asshole…_

“You’re probably right.” Meg nodded as she considered my advice. “So if he left you guys Saturday, what the hell were you up to yesterday? You know this place just isn’t the same without you.” 

That was when I smiled, “After I finished putting our life back together, Loki and I decided to buy a house.” 

“Damn Eleanor! You two aren’t wasting any time. When’s the wedding? Have you picked colors for the nursery too?” She asked with a twinge of happy sarcasm. 

I shrugged, “Just to humor you, probably something yellow. And the wedding is…whenever we go to the courthouse to be honest. We’re not really in any hurry.“

“Oh come on! Don’t you want all the frills? I see you in a fancy dress with a mile long train and a seven tier cake.” She smiled. Little did she know; we’d already had that once upon time and I wasn’t eager to relive it. 

“I don’t think so. Maybe later on when we renew our vows we’ll do something extravagant. We’re very down to earth and whatever we decide to do should reflect who we are. On top of that, Loki doesn’t have much family here and he’s a very private person anyway. So something quiet is probably best for both of us. We’ll have a ceremony of some kind; just don’t expect anything flashy. You’re invited, of course.” I chuckled. 

“You know your mother is going to have something to say about all that.” Meg mentioned. 

“She can say whatever she wants, but ultimately this is our wedding and our decision. I’ll think of something. Maybe I’ll cave and let her have the reception catered. All I know is that I can’t go through with another elaborate ceremony. Believe it or not, I actually want to enjoy my engagement this time. I don’t want to spend it planning everything in painstaking detail.” Instantly I realized that I’d said more than I should have.

“ _Another!?_ ”

I sighed. More and more often I found that I was stumbling into these kinds of situations. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how Loki managed to go almost a year without more of these kinds of slip-ups. _What the hell are you going to be like in seventy years?_ For a moment I tried to figure out what I was going to tell her. I could lie or I could tell part of the truth. Simply put, I wanted to do neither. I wished that I hadn’t put myself in this predicament in the first place. “It’s a long story. Maybe one day I’ll get around to it. For now, just know that I was married before and we had an elaborate wedding with tons of guests and I hated it. Well…all the parts where I was on display for everyone to gawk at. We are going to do this our way or not at all.” 

Now Meg was exasperated, “Can I even ask who this mystery guy was?”

I grinned, “A handsome fella I met abroad. I was in college and it was really crazy time for me.”

“You’re life is way more interesting than mine. I got drunk one time and got an ankle tattoo of a goldfish. Not the animal, _the snack_. You study abroad and get **married**. Fine, I won’t ask anymore but _this_ is a story I need to hear, preferably over wine in that new house of yours.” She laughed. 

“Deal. I’d love to hear more about that tattoo while we’re at it.” I laughed.

“Oh, I bet you would. Let me know if you need an extra set of hands on moving day or redecorating. I’ve been itching for a reason to get out my DIY gloves.” Meg offered. 

“I couldn’t ask you to do that. However, I will accept housewarming gifts...preferably the edible kind.” I teased.

“But of course. I’ll bake you something real’ nice.”

* * *

The next several weeks labored on. Loki took as many hours as Kevin could offer. Even though we needed the money, I suspected that he wanted as little idle time as possible. For the most part, things began to return to normal. He still had his moments when I’d catch him drifting into his darker thoughts, where the more caustic emotions led him astray. I’d always wrangle him back with a few loving words or a tender kiss if he appeared to be in a receptive mood. 

Nighttime seemed to be the hardest for him. He’d lie awake and the distressing thoughts would fend off rest. From time to time he would wake me for no reason other than to hear my voice. Loki would never say that this was why he’d roused me, not that he had to. I already knew. So we would talk about whatever came to mind. If I didn’t have to work the next morning, we would even slide out of bed for a midnight snack then talk until the sun came up.

Other times, Loki would wake me for a nocturnal love session. He would tease me with kisses along my inner thighs until he’d find his way to the delicate flesh in the center. My pleasure would invade my dreams, waking with the toe curling bliss that transcended the limits of my imagination. And only once I’d spilled over the edge of my climax a couple times, did he move up my body to burry his cock inside me in search his own release. Last night had been one such occasion. We made love until we simply couldn’t anymore. I couldn’t remember the last time Loki had left me this satisfied. That’s not to say that our usual rendezvous were sub par, it’s just that the stars aligned perfectly this morning. Needless to say, my day had begun on _very_ good note. 

I was standing outside my job when Loki stopped at the curb. He had gotten off work before me and he still had the car after dropping me off this morning. _We really need to get him a license…_ I climbed in the passenger’s side and leaned over to greet him with a quick kiss. “How was you’re day?”

“No more eventful than usual. Kevin left me to look after the store for a few hours.“ Loki mentioned. 

“That’s a good sign. Kevin only does that if he trusts you.” 

Loki shrugged. “I suppose. I would prefer that he trust me less if it means that can return to ignoring everyone that passes through our doors.”

“I don’t like people either Loki, but sometimes you can’t be so antisocial.” I chuckled.

“I beg to differ. It has worked for me thus far, I fail to see why I should change it at this point.” I shook my head. A part of me wanted to believe that he was just saying that to get a reaction out of me, but I knew better. Loki had no intention of changing his ways. Maybe he was right; he had made it pretty far in life by being a dick to almost everyone. _Almost_ everyone, I reminded myself.

Rather than head the direction we normally went to get home, we were on our way to the airport to pick up Scott. He’d agreed to come help us move this weekend. I was excited to see him, considering the last time I’d spent time with him was during the holidays. To me that felt like a distant memory, as most of my memories were still a little jumbled after I’d overcome Odin’s curse. 

“Aren’t you going to ask me how my day was?” Another grin spread across my face when I turned to Loki. 

He chuckled, deciding to oblige me for a moment. “How was your day?”

“At lunch I walked over to the real-estate office and picked up our keys!” I exclaimed, jingling them for Loki to see. He smiled wider this time, clearly just as excited as I was. It wasn’t often that he was visibly excited about something. I fell back against the seat, watching him through a wistful gaze. “This is really happening.” 

Without taking his eyes off the road, Loki kissed the back my hand then interlocked his fingers between mine. “And I could not be happier.”

“Me either.” If only for that moment, I allowed myself to bask in our good fortune. In my chest I felt a force unraveling in a bit of dejavu. The feeling was akin to relief but a bit more confusing. I’d felt something similar to it the day that Thor had showed up at our doorstep. My heart skipped a beat and that was when I realized that I’d been right all along. _Everything did work out._ It was a difficult journey getting to this point, but we had survived that whole ordeal. Hell, we were better off than we had been prior to Thor's visit. We never would have taken this leap of faith had the events of that weekend not set this all in motion. I glanced at Loki, wondering if he would believe me if I were to tell him the truth. After giving this some thought, I decided not to mention it. It was better not to spoil this moment by bringing that up right now. Maybe someday soon I could share this without igniting a tinderbox of negative emotions. 

On that note, I decided to keep our conversation light hearted. “I was telling Meg about your newest obsession.”

“I am not obsessed—“ I turned on the radio to prove my point. Loki quickly turned it off again, as this was not helping his case.

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh you’re a single lady now, huh?”

“ _Casual_ admiration. You’re the one who created this playlist.” Loki corrected. 

I narrowed my stare, “If calling it that makes you feel better, I’ll play along. Meg and I have come to the conclusion that you have a _type_. You like your women the same way you like your coffee. I personally commend taste in both.” I giggled. 

“I need you and Megan to stop discussing me in your spare time. I am sure the two of you have plenty of work to attend to. As often as you complain about how overwhelmed with work you are, my name should not come up during business hours.” Loki admonished. 

I laughed, “Loki I don’t make a habit of discussing you. I just wanted to get a second opinion. You should hear the things she tells me about Devin. I don’t share nearly as much about you as she does about her husband.”

“Somehow, I find that hard to believe.” 

“Believe it. I know far more about his penis than I should. Meg on the other hand, knows next to nothing about yours. See the difference?” _Alright…I might have mention something once or trice. But all of it was flattering. I swear._

“How many times must I remind you that lying doesn’t suit you? Especially not when you insist on doing so poorly. I am aware that women gossip, this is not news to me.”

“We don’t gossip. We confer…on a wide variety of things.” _Things that often include our spouses._

“Beyond your husbands’ endowments—“

“Or lack their of in Devin’s case.” I muttered. Loki quickly glanced in my direction, to which I stifled a snicker. “She has nothing to compare it to. They were high school sweethearts, so he’s the only man she’s ever been with. Who am I to tell her that she’s missing out?” 

“And just how extensive is your experience, might I ask? You speak as though you’ve seen more than your fair share.” Loki asked, although it felt more interrogative than a casual question. 

“Broad enough, Loki. Relax, I’m certainly not an expert. I’ve only ever seen a handful in person and I’ve had _interactions_ with far fewer than that. The point is, their relationship is built on love and trust, because he sure as hell ain’t packing anything worth shouting about.”

“And you would have me believe that you don’t gossip.” Loki mocked. 

“Just be happy that you’re the biggest _I’ve_ been with. A fact that I am reminded to be grateful of each time she gets on the subject. You know what else I’ve been thinking about lately?” Loki hummed curiously. “I was thinking that we should just stop dragging our feet and make it official. We need to get married. Before I was avoiding it because I didn’t want to go through all of the hassle again. Now that we’ve bought a house, it will be so much easier to do things on our terms. We can have it at the house as soon as the weather breaks. I think it would be cute if we spruced up the barn—“

“We are **not** getting married in the stables. That is final.”

“Not even if—“

“Absolutely not. It is out of the question.” _We’ll see about that…_

“Fine. Can I at least choose the song we have our second first dance to?” 

“So long as it is appropriate, you can do whatever like.” He stated, clearly lacking interest in planning the ceremony to renew our vows. Not that this was surprising. He hadn’t put very much thought into our wedding in Asgard either. All of that was delegated to Frigga and I. 

“Lucky for you, I already know what our song is going to be and sorry to disappoint you, it won’t be anything from your Queen.” I stated as I scrolled through my phone, searching for the song to play for him. “I Have Nothing…Whitney Houston? Please tell me you’ve stumbled across her at some point.” Loki shook his head, unfamiliar with song I’d referenced. “You poor thing. We have got to change that.” 

A few minutes later, we found ourselves at the gate searching for Scott. He’d text me almost an hour earlier saying that he’d just landed. When we finally located him, Loki got out to help collect his suitcase and I rushed over to hug him. We may not have been apart for all that long, yet to me it felt like it had been an eternity. I threw my arms around him and squeezed as tightly as I could, “It’s good to see you too Nori.” Another few moments passed and I still didn’t let go, “Alright…that’s enough.” Scott nudged me, trying to push me away. 

“I’ll let you know when it’s enough.” With no other choice, Scotty stood there until I was ready to release him. After our reunion, we headed home. 

The three of us sat on the floor where the kitchen table used to be. _Before **someone** broke it into a million pieces…_ Scott watched the two of us as we sat across from him. We’d gotten sushi for dinner and I was trying to teach Loki how to use chopsticks. Every time Loki would manage to get a piece close to his mouth, he’d loose control of his sticks and drop it. Finally he gave up in exasperation. “This is ridiculous.” 

“You’re working too hard. Like this.” I reached onto his plate and picked up the bite he’d dropped countless times before, then I offered it to him. With some hesitation, Loki allowed me to feed it to him. 

For that, Scott scolded me the same we he had Kat a few minutes ago, “Stop it! Don’t do that cutesy shit in my face. I just threw up in my mouth.” I rolled my eyes, settling against the wall to put a polite distance between Loki and myself. “Hey Loki, I dare you to eat that whole thing of wasabi.” Scott mentioned. 

I snickered, watching Loki’s reaction in amusement. “I’m not one to fall for the same trick twice. Now I know neither of you can be trusted.” Loki mentioned. At this point I was laughing so hard that my sides hurt. Not too long ago, I’d actually convinced him to eat an insane amount of wasabi all at once. _And it was hilarious._

“Dammit! I wish I’d been here to see that.”

I could barely speak in between my giggle fits, “Scotty it was beautiful! He was crying and then he asked me if he was going to die.”

“Payback is a bitch, isn’t that what you told me Eleanor. Laugh while you can. This is not a challenge you could ever hope to win.” Loki warned. 

“We already made up after that remember? You threw that snake in the shower with me.”

Now Scott looked concerned, “A real snake?” 

“No, although my terror was real. He scared the hell out of me.” I clarified.

Now it was Loki’s turn to snicker, “I may have exacted my revenge for the initial act, however that is not the same as bringing it up again for your own amusement.” He smirked. _You’re in for it now…_ It never took much to awaken that mischief in him. Frankly he looked for just about any excuse at all to act on that impulse these days. As a result I often endured the brunt of his tricks. Some were worse than others and on rare occasions, such as the wasabi incident, I managed to one up him. I guess this was one of his better habits that had rubbed off on me over the years. Our shared love of silly, _mostly_ harmless jokes was nothing to be ashamed of. If nothing else, it made for a good laugh and very few dull moments. 

“You know I’m not going to sleep for a week right?” I asked Loki, trying to build up my courage to face him. 

“Yes, I do. There is nothing that I love more than watching you squirm with anticipation, my pet.” Loki grinned. 

“As long as you don’t do anything else with snakes, you can’t scare me” I stated.

“I accept your challenge. At some point you will learn to stop underestimating my talents.”

That was about the time that I noticed Scott watching us with a critical eye. It went far beyond the engaged expression he had had moments ago. Now he was evaluating us, trying to decipher something. Loki and I noticed this at the same time and for a moment we stared back, wondering if Scott would share the nature of his curiosity. “Something is different about you.” He finally stated. 

“What do you mean?” I asked. 

“You sound… _different_. What happened to you since the last time you were home? You looked like you were carrying the weight of the world and now…you seem like yourself again. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an improvement…I just can’t figure out what it could be.” Scott revealed. 

My first instinct was to happily tell him the truth, but for some reason I stopped myself. Loki hadn’t forbade me from sharing our story with anyone. At the same time it was almost an unspoken pact that we both honored. _Scott is family though. If you can’t tell him the truth, then who can you be honest with?_ I glanced in Loki’s direction, knowing that he’d be able to read the question in my eyes. To my relief he gave a slight nod, signifying his consent. I was happy to know that Loki trusted my brother to keep our secrets. “If I tell you the truth, you have to swear not tell anyone _or_ think that I’m insane.”

“Yeah yeah, I promise.” He sighed dismissively. 

“I mean it Scott. This isn’t a joke. I need you to promise me. No one can know…not even Mom.” I insisted. 

Scott gave us a long skeptical look before nodding in tentative agreement, “Fine, I promise.” 

“Remember when I went missing—“

Scott scoffed, “Who the hell could forget, Nori?”

“I remembered what happened to me.” That instantly piqued his interest. Rather than wait for another response, I began to explain. “I was walking home from class one day and…the next thing I know I was in this big open field. When I tried to find my way back to civilization, I got lost in the woods for a while. I had nothing besides the cloths on my back and my school bag. So for about a week I wondered around until this guy found me. He kind of got into some trouble with a tree and a lake and long story short, I saved him from drowning. So, a favor for a favor…he took me in.” 

“Where the hell were you? Were you kidnapped?” Scott hurried to ask. I could see that a litany of questions raced through his mind, and of those, these two were just the ones that managed to make it out first.

“No, I wasn’t kidnapped. I just…showed up in Asgard somehow. Asgard is…another realm or planet…if that makes it easier to conceptualize. It’s not exactly close to here either.” Immediately I saw that Scott was about to react very poorly to this news, ”Look I said it was going to be weird—“ 

“Ele come on. Really? This is insane—“

“You promised that you wouldn’t use that word!” I shouted. Immediately I felt Loki’s hand rest atop mine in the silent reprimand. After so many years of being told that I was crazy, I couldn’t help it that I was still a tad bit sensitive when it came to _that_ adjective. For a moment, I struggled to compose myself. “Just let me finish.” Scott shook his head in disapproval, but let me continue anyway. The look in his eyes was sympathetic and concerned all at once. He thought that I’d lost what was left of my mind. I couldn’t really blame him. Had someone told me all that my life would become a day before I’d landed in Asgard, I would have given them the same disbelieving stare. “Turns out, that stranger that I ran into was a Prince. We didn’t hit it off right away, though eventually we became friends and then a lot more than that. The really…extra strange part of this is that…he’s kind of sitting right next to me as we speak.” I stated. 

Scott’s eyes turned to Loki and his concern faded into a murderous glare. “What the fuck have you been telling her?” 

Loki almost seemed caught off guard by his accusation. “I haven’t been filling her head with lies. What she says is the truth—“

Now Scott was getting angry. _Really_ angry. “How long have you been taking advantage of her, Loki? You saw that she’s vulnerable and you just couldn’t resist—“ 

“Scott, stop! Sometimes, the truth is just strange. Loki and I were together the whole time that I was missing. I lived with him, in his realm, with his people—“

“Ele, would you listen to yourself? This is fucking ridiculous.” Scott argued. I frowned, deciding that enough was enough. I’d been called crazy for the last four years and I was sick of it.

“Look at this! Not long after I got to the palace Loki gave this to me. It marks me as taken. Or in his words, ‘touch my woman and I’ll kill you.’ ” I held up my arm and showed Scott the dainty silver bangle. “There’s a reason I’ve never taken it off. Go ahead, try for yourself.” I held out my arm but Scott refused to even humor me. Rather than ask again, I pulled the bangle off. Just like it did every other time, it vanished and reappeared around my wrist. 

Startled, Scott reared backward, “What the fuck?”

I smiled, going on to demonstrate another few times just to prove how real this magic was. “I can’t get it off. You can’t take it off. No one can take this off of me except the man who gave it to me.” I offered my wrist to Loki and he casually removed it in between bites of sushi, which had become finger food at this point. The bangle remained in his gasp the way it always did. 

I’d expected Scott to be at least somewhat curious about the things I’d just explained. Instead, he was enraged for a new reason. “What the hell did you do to her?” Scott demanded. 

“Pardon?” Loki asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

“When she came back from wherever the hell you’re from, she was a mess. What did you do to her?” Scott shouted. This was a lot for anyone to take in, especially when there were so many emotionally charged events so fresh in our past. 

“Scott, Loki didn’t do anything to me. He wasn’t the one responsible all that. You’re making this very difficult to explain when you keep getting angry like this—“

“Well how the hell am I supposed to react? It’s not everyday you find out your sisters been abducted and claimed by an alien. Excuse me for having a hard time accepting all of this.” Scott countered. 

“Look, it’s a really long story. We got tangled up in some things while I was away. The only reason I’m here now is because I was banished. We… _I_ did some unforgivable shit. But all that’s over with. This is our home now. I’m here to stay and so is he.” I stated. 

“What kind of shit? You didn’t kill anyone did you?” I knew that when Scott asked, he was being somewhat sarcastic. However the longer I hesitated to answer his question, the more I saw the realization beginning to dawn on him. 

I found myself slouching in shame and at the same time wishing that it were that simple. “Personally, one. Indirectly, too many to think about. So many people died because of me. People that I cared about—“

“That wasn’t your fault.” Loki insisted. 

“Inge’s death **was** my fault. If I hadn’t left the palace that day or if I had gone alone, he wouldn’t have seen her. If I’d come back to my rooms ten minutes earlier that night, I could have saved her.” 

“No, I would have lost you as well. You did everything you could. You know that.” Loki stated. I hadn’t realized those wounds were still so fresh until now. I hadn’t spoken of that night in years and yet it felt as though I’d lived through Fritjof’s assaults all over again. I tamped down the squall of emotion that I’d inadvertently stirred up. I took a deep breath and remembered all the progress that I’d made. Loki squeezed my hand to comfort me, a gesture I hadn’t anticipated needing this desperately.

“It was a dark time for me Scott. Sometimes even when you get the prince, there is no fairytale ending. I did things I’m not proud of. I saw things that will stay with me until the day I die. Now that’s all in the past and I’m determined to leave it there.”

Slowly but surely, Scott was beginning to accept all that I was sharing with him. He was curious yet cautious, wanting to know more but hesitant to ask. “Who was Inge?”

“She was my best friend. Originally she was meant to be my servant but I never allowed her to wait on me. You would have liked her. She was my closest…well my only friend besides Loki.” 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“I am too. They say things happen for a reason though. Yes, some parts of it were painful and frightening but some of the best moments my life took place during those years. I met Loki, we got married, and while it lasted I was his queen. There were plenty of moments where I remember being genuinely happy—“

“Whoa whoa wait, you’re married!?” For some reason that seemed to be the most surprising revelation. 

I laughed, “Yeah. We got married right before I was banished.” 

“What the hell did you get yourself into Nori?” Scott sighed.

Again I looked to Loki, waiting for his blessing before I went into further detail. “We…kind of helped some bad people overthrow the King. His father was incapacitated, so in the interim, Loki’s brother became the King. Then we made it so that he wasn’t anymore. What you have to understand is that…we were both going through some really difficult things. I’m not saying what we did was right but understanding our frame of mind helps to explain why we did what we did. Loki had just learned that he’d been lied to about something extremely personal for his entire life and I’d just been attacked—“

“Is that when you got that scar?” Scott asked carefully. His question caught me off guard and I fell silent. 

“The same man who killed her friend nearly did the same to her.” Loki finished. I nodded in silent agreement. “He earned the death that I gave him. If I could have revived him to slaughter him a second time, I would have. He deserved to suffer after violating my wife the way he did. And had I been in my right mind, the fucker would have been begging me to end his suffering. I should have hung him by his entrails—“ 

“Sweetie, that’s enough.” I saw Scotts expression retreating. His perceptions of us both were changing and I was certain that it wasn’t for the better. I wanted to tell him the truth, not scare him. “Scott, I know this is a lot to take in but you needed to know. It’s going to become evident sooner or later, that Loki and I are different.“ 

“Yeah, he’s different alright. Not so sure if it’s a good different.” Scott corrected, still watching him with a wary eye. 

“No…I’m different too. Loki’s people live for thousands of years. There are ways that mortals like us can be changed to have equivalent lifespans. That was my one stipulation when he proposed. I didn’t want him to grief for me a few short decades after we’d tied the knot. So he did what had to be done. I imagine it’ll be painfully obvious in twenty or thirty years, when we still look the same and the rest of the world changes without us.”

“How old are you then?” Scott asked Loki, with an inadvertent tinge of disgust hidden in his expression. 

“You really don’t want to know. It’ll just freak you out—“

“In your terms, I’d estimate around 1,200.” Loki interjected. Scott’s eyes widened in surprise. Whatever he was expecting Loki to say, I’m sure it wasn’t **that**.

“Look what you just did. Now you made it weird. Also on a related tangent, Frigga told me once that if I were born Asgardian, I’d technically be a little older than you.” I mentioned to Loki. 

Loki rolled his eyes, “I’m aware. She shared that with me as well. Don't let that go to your head woman.” 

“Is this why you’re moving into the middle of nowhere? You’re hiding from whoever banished you?”

“No. They know exactly where we are. It’s just easier to go unnoticed _here_ , if there aren’t as many people around. We need to have a place where we don’t have to pretend that we’re normal. Will this be our forever home? I don’t know. Maybe? There’s a lot that can happen in a couple decades or hundreds years. In the future I’d like to travel. Maybe I’ll even get my nerve up enough to fly abroad to see the world. Maybe we’ll get a couple vacation homes and try on new lifestyles for a bit. There’s so much to take in and we have nothing but time. I digress. Just knowing that this place is here waiting to protect us from scrutiny, that is important to me.”

“That’s not such a bad idea. You had me worried for minute there. I thought you’d gone and turned into some wacko shut-ins. You know the folks that decide to live off the land because electricity is mind control or something strange like that.”

I smiled, “No, sadly I’m still the same loud-mouthed city girl I always have been. The only difference is that I have Loki here to balance that out.” 

“Oh please, you’re not a city girl but you are loud. I will give you that.” Scott chuckled. That small gesture put me at ease. He’d accepted all that I’d just revealed and had been able to work through some it. No, Scott hadn’t taken it well at first but the future outlook seemed promising. 

When we went to sleep that night, Loki and I lay side by side on our bedroom floor atop a few blankets. All of our things we packed in the truck, including the mattress. It wasn’t the most comfortable arrangement; however having Loki lying here next to me was compensation enough. Just as I was beginning to get sleepy, Loki turned over to face me. “I never told you that when we were visiting your family, I asked Scott for your hand in marriage.” 

“Well, aren’t you a gentleman? You could have saved yourself the trouble and just asked me first.” 

“I had planned to err on the side of caution. Should you spend the next thirty or two hundred years without your memories, I wanted to make an honorable first impression with your family. I was sure that you would have wanted them to accept our union. You never would’ve forgiven me if I had deprived of the opportunity to spend as much time with them as you could.” Loki explained. 

I snuggled against him, “You made a wonderful first impression. So, what _did_ Scott say?”

“That I should ask you.” Loki chuckled, “It took some persistence, although in the end I managed to earn his blessing.”

I laughed, “That sounds about right.” 

“Do you think he will tell Renee?”

“About what we talked about tonight? I don’t think so. She would never believe him anyway. You know like I know that she’s difficult to communicate with at the best of times. Imagine if he tells her you’re the god who stole her daughter and held her captive in his palace three years. One of two things will happen. She’ll either be on the first flight down here to kill you with her bare hands or try to have me committed again. So as much as I would like to tell her the truth, I’m not sure that I ever will.” I mused. 

“She only wanted the best for you. As frustrating as her involvement has been, I can understand her intentions. It is no fault of hers that Midgard is ignorant to the existence of the other realms or the effects of devastating curses such as the one you were afflicted with. I urge you to make amends while you can.”

“Funny, I remember giving you this kind of advice once upon a time.” I said quietly. 

Loki’s gaze grew distant, “Don’t make the same choices that I have made. This is not something I want you to live with.” Loki confessed. 

Rather than say anything else, I nodded. Even after everything that had preceded our fall from grace, he’d still held a place in his heart for her and I suspected that he always would. Not that it mattered all that much now. As painful as it was to say, I doubted he would ever see her again. My intention was never to bring our conversation in this direction, so I kissed his forehead and tried to keep my comments brief. “I know that I never knew Frigga the way you did but…I think she’d be proud of how far you’ve come.” Loki remained silent. The only answer that he provided was when he tightened his arms around me, which was already way more than I could’ve asked of him. 

Early the next morning we stood on the porch of our new home. The air was crisp and damp, while the sun just barely reaching over the horizon. I dropped the keys in Loki’s outstretched hand, “You can do the honors.” I smiled. Truthfully, I was too giddy with to do this with any real decorum. So I watched as he turned the key in the lock, then he pushed the door open far enough to gaze inside. Loki turned to me as a wide grin and before I could say a word or so much as take another step into the house, he swept me off my feet to carry me bridal style over the threshold. I tightened my arms around his shoulders and kissed his cheek.

Scott followed us in, carrying a heavy box labeled for the kitchen. “Nice place. Not shabby at all.” He mused, as he navigated around us. 

“This is the third best moment of my whole life?” I whispered against Loki’s lips. 

“Which is the first?” 

“Our wedding night.”

Loki’s brow lifted curiously, “And the second?” 

“The moment I remembered you.” This time he didn’t waste time with any more questions. Loki crushed his lips to mine and instantly I felt worlds away, tangled in a realm of our own. This man was my beginning and my end, the bringer of my joy and the defender of my happiness. When I looked at him, all of our struggles seemed worth wile. The road here had not been easy and our past was full of lurid reasons why we should have never been given this second chance. Yet here we were, standing in the foyer of our new abode. We had each other and our whole lives ahead of us. 

Loki pulled away, only to leave a trail of kisses along my cheeks. “Welcome home, my love.“

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! It's been an eternity but another chapter is finally up! I've missed these characters and your lovey comments. Doing this job and school thing is hard. I have a new respect for the folks who can do both and still have hobbies and/or sleep and/or remain sane. Anyway, I have the next few chapters drafted so I **hope** to have another one up for you in the near future. Fingers crossed that things work out in my favor. If not, know that I'm not abandoning the fic and that new updates will continue to come at a snails pace. Again, thank you so much for staying patient and sticking with their story. :) The next chapter is at least drafted so it will be up in the nearish future.


	39. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and **smut**

I turned the key in the lock and pushed open the front door. Even after three weeks of living here, I was still shocked that we called this place home. Moving day had been hard but somehow we’d managed. Loki and Scott disassembled and moved most of the furniture the previous owner had left behind, while I coordinated. Or as Loki put it, ‘gave orders and looked pretty.’ His characterization wasn’t all that far from the truth. They did all of the heavy lifting, which didn’t leave very much for me to do. I guess I was basically there for moral support, not that I felt bad about my limited involvement. I’d packed all of our things on my own, so in a way Loki was just doing his half on the back end.

“I’m home!” Usually I could depend on someone being there to greet me the second I stepped through the door. _Except today apparently._ Neither Loki nor Kat appeared to care. As I strode into the foyer, I heard music playing upstairs. _They must not have heard you._ Rather than shout again, I followed my ears and made my way towards the source. When I reached the top of the stairs, I found my two favorite non-human beings in the hallway. Loki was busy painting, dressed only in a pair of tattered, holey sweatpants. And for a moment, I lingered to admire the disheveled man on the landing. _How is that even when you’re a mess, you’re still so damn attractive?_

At first Loki didn’t notice me. He probably would’ve remained blissfully unaware had Kat not left her place near his feet to greet me. “How long have you been standing there gawking?”

“Long enough.” I sauntered over to kiss him. Loki’s arm came around my waist and he resting his forehead against mine. “Look how messy you are. The paint goes on the _walls_ Loki.” I scratched a fleck of yellow off of his cheek.

“Surely you could find it in your heart to thank me. I used my day off to serve as your laborer.”

“And you did a fine job. Thanks babe.” I kissed his cheek this time, “Now finish that wall.” I smacked his butt and scurried into our room before he had the chance to return the favor. As I strode through the bedroom, I stripped out of my work cloths, dropping items here and there as I went. My sweater landed on top of some of the boxes that we still hadn’t gotten around to unpacking. Even after we’d devoted countless hours to chiseling away at our infinite to do list over these last few weeks, there was still a **lot** of work to be done. 

Every evening I tried to devote a couple hours of my time to unpacking a box or two. However, this was only one of several ongoing projects we had on our plate. Loki and I still needed to go through everything in the garage once piece at a time. On top of all that we still had jobs to go to. It was no wonder it was taking us so long to get around to finishing the bedroom. Only so much can be accomplished in a single day. It was times like this that made me miss Asgard, where the days were blessed with a few extra hours. Despite all that, the house was finally starting to reflect our personalities. With each passing day our furnishings and décor transitioned this place from what was once a strangers home, into _our_ home. 

After I’d pulled on some other cloths, I secured my hair with a few claw clips so that I could go help Loki finish up in the hall. He didn’t seem at all surprised when I got to work alongside him. This was what I had looked forward to most of all, the moments where each of us had a hand in making this place our own. “What do you say we take a bath after we finish? I believe we’ve earned a nice long soak, you especially. ” 

Loki nodded in quiet agreement, too busy painting in time with the rhythm of the song to give a more eloquent response. With each stroke, we worked our way towards the last bare patch at the end of the hall. As soon as I covered the final swath, my mischievous side took control for a moment and I swept a streak of yellow across Loki’s stomach. Cautiously, I backed away, noting of the playful twinkle in his eyes. _You’ve done it this time…_

Loki dropped his paint-stained roller in the tray and advanced toward me. Moving faster than I could react, he grabbed me by the waist. “Give us a hug.” 

“I have a paint roller and I’m not afraid to use it—“ Just that quickly Loki disarmed me, presumably to avoid making an even bigger mess. _Well…you **had** a paint roller._ Then Loki snared my wrist and began to reel me in. Not wanting to get paint smeared all over my shirt, I tried to pull away. _Why did I think that was a good idea?_ When I tugged in the opposite direction, Loki released me and my forward momentum sent me tumbling to the floor. I landed with a bit of a startled yelp, not that I was injured. I should’ve known better. Loki was the master of manipulating any situation to his benefit.

Without missing a beat, he knelt onto the floor and slid me across the hardwood. The back of my thighs collided against his front and in what seemed to be a power play; Loki repositioned me so that he could straddle me. His knees were on either side of my legs and I was pinned beneath him. Loki knew I hated it when he reminded me of how weak I was in comparison to him. Yet he did it anyway. Now I was determined to fight back. 

On a wave of bravery, I pushed my hips upward and shoved my foot hard against the floor. With that little maneuver, I managed to gain some leverage and that was enough to roll Loki off of me. He hadn’t expected me best him, not in a million years. If I wasn’t mistaken, there was a surprised if not proud gleam in his eye. We didn’t wrestle often, although when we did, he usually had his way with me. Usually Loki never played too rough, although that was a relative term. Even when he was being infinitely careful, his superior strength always had a way of reminding us both just how fragile I could be. 

Now that I’d gotten the upper hand, I took advantage of my elevated position and forced his wrists to the floor. Loki didn’t seem to mind, he even laughed at the unlikely position we found ourselves in. “Are you pleased with yourself?”

I nodded, “Yes. As a matter of fact I am. And I know that you didn’t let me beat you because your ego is way too big for that.”

Purely in spite of my self-congratulating, Loki sat upright even as I struggled to hold him down. The core strength required to slowly rise from the floor that gracefully was nothing short of impressive, especially when he did so with all of my weight combined with the downward force that I exerted. I was too turned on to care that he was about to have me on me on my back again. This time when I hit the floor, I landed on the carpet at the end of our bed. I tried my winning move again but to no avail. Wizened to my tactics, Loki maintained his balance. He held me in place by bearing down on me with his hips. “You didn’t think that I would let you best me twice in one night did you?” He lazily kissed my mouth, just to emphasize the fact that he, and he alone, had control. 

In defiance I bit his lip, hard enough to get his attention, but not enough to cause him any real pain. The faintest groan of surprise escaped him and my body reacted against my will. It wasn’t quite enough to distract him into letting me go, however it was enough for me to wriggle my hips and free one of my legs. Now we were twisted together and our intimate regions aligned. As soon as I released him from between my teeth, Loki bit my shoulder and I squealed, startled by how icky it felt. Then that quickly turned to a giggle fit the moment Loki began to exploit my ticklishness. I thrashed as much as I could, given my current position. 

“Ew! What the hell? Are you gnawing on me!?” Loki laughed, a genuine full-bellied laugh. And it was the sweetest sounds I had heard in weeks. “Fine, you win! Just stop doing whatever the hell you’re doing!”

In surrender, I went limp so that he would relent. Just as randomly as he’d started nibbling on me, Loki pulled away and rested on his heels. “I always win.” 

“That wasn’t fair and you know it—“

“You made the mistake of assuming that I would ever play fair, my love.” Loki smiled. 

“Well I didn’t know that drooling all over my neck was an option.” I grumbled as I tugged at my shirt to dry off the wet patch.

“I never said that it wasn’t.” All I could do was roll my eyes. Despite my slight disgust, I couldn’t honestly show any form of contempt. _Two can play this game._

I reached for the waistband of his pants and slid my hand beneath it so that my palm caressed his bulge. The intimate contact caused him to hesitate. It was an involuntary action, one that I was sure that he regretted the second he’d let it happened. You’re going down if it’s the last thing I do. Without a second thought, I dipped my hand into his boxers and wrapped my fingers around his girth. His body reacted visibly, as all of the tension and opposition drained out of him. That was his silent surrender. 

I stroked him and soon his cock was firm with arousal. It never took much to persuade Loki after he’d been denied real intimacy for any length of time. He’d fought a good fight over the last few days while her majesty was closed for maintenance. Loki didn’t really seem too opposed to about visiting during the massacre. It’s just that I wasn’t all that comfortable entertaining while everything was so out of order. In the interim I always did what I could to sate him, although he was never satisfied with just handjobs or oral. Of course, he wasn’t one to turn down sexual favors. Loki graciously accepted everything I offered, but deep down I always knew what he really wanted. 

Impatient with my fumbling, Loki vanished our cloths. I smiled up at him, happy to see the return of this casual use of magic. It felt like it’d been an eternity since he’d indulged in that luxury, so to me this was no small gesture. It signaled a step in the right direction, a step towards him recovering the skills he once wielded with ease. Magic was a part of his identity. The man I’d fallen in love with was half charming devil and the rest was tricks and sorcery. I wanted those parts of him back as much as Loki did. So I was grateful that he was using his tricks again. _Especially when he used it to get me naked._

Instead of lying back and letting Loki take the lead, I straddled his lap. He rested on his knees to give me a comfy place to sit and his hands greedily groped my ass to help me stabilize. Really he just enjoyed getting his hands on my backside. Not that I was complaining. _I like it when he does that too…_

I reached between us to help him get situated in the right direction. His cock didn’t really need all that much guidance; it knew exactly where it wanted to go and was very eager to nestle in there. Then I began to accept his thickness into me, inch by inch until I was fully impaled around him. This was where my cautiousness ended and my determination to take control of his pleasure began. When I started to ride him, his fingers dug into my flesh as he pressed me to take him harder or at a different angle. His hands would caress the curves of my body when I was on top. I loved it when he touched me like this. It was silent worship, as if he was in love with every curve of my figure. 

When his eyes weren’t fixed to mine, he lavished my collarbone with biting kisses. My fingers roamed through his hair, curling near the root to urge him for more. Loki obeyed, sucking harder at the tender flesh beneath his lips. Our bodies moved together in well-practiced harmony. Soon I persuaded him to lie back. He looked up at me, keeping one of his hands on my hips at all times to guide my rhythm. 

Fighting against my own arousal, I clenched my walls tighter. I wanted to get him right on the edge of climax and then beat him to the finish. I circled my hips the way he liked it. This little trick never failed to get there in a heartbeat. Just as I expected, his reaction was almost immediate. Loki’s eyes drifted shut in ecstasy. I loved seeing him this way, not just because I enjoyed fucking him, but because it was one of the only times he ever allowed himself to be this vulnerable. I did it again, working my hips at a steady pace just so that I could watch his arousal move through his expression. While I could, I smiled at that small victory. 

Soon I felt my own excitement spreading through me like a current, building and gathering as I thrust against him. The sound of his pleasure encouraged me to ride him relentlessly, until the coiling tightness between my thighs released in a flood of bliss and adrenaline. My climax was all it took to send him over the edge. Loki groaned and thrust harder, driven by instinct alone to embed himself as far inside me as he could reach. My body clenched in spasms around him until we were both trembling in the aftermath. Spent and breathless, I relaxed against his chest. Loki’s arms slipped around my torso, before he lazily kissed my temple. And for a while we lay there in the afterglow, savoring this closeness for as long it lasted. 

“I win.” I finally stated.

Loki snorted, “No, you didn’t—“

“Yes, I did. I came first. Even in Asgard that counts as winning.” I giggled. It went without saying that Loki would never admit defeat. I’d beaten him at his own game; therefore I would just have to accept the congratulations I would never receive. As expected, Loki helped me off of the floor without a word about my victory. When he was about to let go of my hand, I tightened my gasp and looked into those beautiful green eyes. “I’m glad to know that my surly husband still knows how to smile every once in a while.” 

Loki hummed in acknowledgment, before tugging me closer. “Yours indeed.” He kissed me again and this time I was the one who pulled away. If we didn’t stop now, our entire evening would turn into one of these games and as much as I would love to indulge, I needed food soon. 

Still blushing from our recent rendezvous, I began to draw our bath. I even poured some of the bubble gel into the water. I’d been saving it for a special occasion. _This seems special enough._ Somehow Loki sensed when the water was high enough and he appeared at my side when I turned off the faucet. Normally Loki found the bubbles a bit too whimsical for his tastes, yet this time I didn’t hear any complaints from him. We settled into the steaming water, maneuvering until we found a comfortable position. Then for a few minutes at least, we were quiet, relaxing in the soothing warmth. 

“I never properly thanked you for any of this.” Loki stated. I could tell that his mind had wandered elsewhere and that he was only just finding words for something that had been weighing heavy in his thoughts for some time now. 

“Thanked me for what?”

“Taking the initiative to find what is has become our home. I certainly couldn’t have envisioned this at the time. I was irrational and small-minded. I didn’t made it easy for you…I never make it easy for you.” 

“A wise man once said that if something were easy, then everyone would do it. I don’t mind a good challenge every once in a while.” I smirked. Idly I scooped a handful of bubbles and blew them towards out feet. 

Loki gently lifted my chin so that I looked at him. “I mean it. I don’t know where I would be without you. Why do you continue to save me from myself?” Loki sounded perplexed, as if he still didn’t understand why I hadn’t turned my back on him like so many other people had after far less inconvenience. 

“Why do you ask questions that you know the answers to? I love you. Your pain is my pain and your happiness is _my_ happiness. No matter what, I’ll always be here for you because I’m hopelessly addicted.” I whispered. This time I piled a hand full of the suds on his head, finding childish amusement in that silly act.

“I love you just as much. Never doubt that.” Loki stated quietly. He nuzzled against my cheek in need of affection. 

“I know you do. What do you say we paint the living room next weekend?”

“What color did you have in mind?” I heard the hint of exhaustion at the edge of his voice. Loki tried to force it aside, so that I couldn’t see how tired he truly was. 

“I haven’t decided. It needs something…brighter? We don’t have to do it next weekend. After we sell some of the stuff at the auction on Thursday, we could splurge on some furniture instead—” I added. 

“And a horse. Don’t forget that that is on the list as well.” Loki hastened to add. 

“I haven’t forgotten. As a matter of fact, I was even looking for a pony—“

“I don’t want a _pony_. I want a horse.” He corrected. 

“Fine, we’ll get you a **horse**. I saw online that there’s a chestnut Mustang in need of a new home. The rescue shelter isn’t very far from here. They call him Tang. Oh! And there’s also a Painted Mare named Peanut. You never told me if you wanted a boy or a girl horse by the way. I wasn’t sure if it really mattered to you or not so I’ve been looking for both. We should get a pair of them so that they don’t get lonely.” 

Loki seemed intrigued; “That is a good idea. I’m going to teach you to ride properly.”

“That was one thing we never got around to before…” 

Rather than dwell on all that had gotten in the way after his coronation, Loki talked past it. “I will not tolerate a wife who is not well versed in basic life skills. Not knowing how to handle yourself on horseback is unacceptable.” Loki stated, matter-of-factly. 

“You worry too much. I’ll be as good as you in no time at all. Just you watch.” I looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction. 

“Perhaps you will. There is much to explore here on our property, I would enjoy your company in my travels.” Even he chuckled at the way he’d phrased it. It wasn’t as if he were going off for days at a time. Although knowing Loki, he would find a way to get lost out there.

“That would be nice. We’ve got forty acres, I’m sure there’s a hell of a lot to see besides trees.”

Loki shrugged, giving my statement some consideration. “We could swim in our river or explore the forest. This time you need not fear starvation.” Loki teased. 

“Ha. Ha. While we’re at it, maybe we can find another tree willing hit you over the head.” 

He didn’t seem to mind that last dig. “You can learn to ride bareback…while bareback,“ Loki kissed the tender spot behind my ear. “You have no idea how much I would adore the sight of your tits bouncing as you trot along.”

I scoffed and adjusted myself on his lap so that I could face him. “That sounds like it might hurt…a lot. We can, however, go for picnics by said river and make love after desert. I like the sound of that a lot better.”

“Fair enough.” Loki kissed my hand, “I’ve been thinking about what we shall do with the bedroom nearest ours.”

“Oh?”

“It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for some time now. I believe that we’re both ready this time. I’ve been putting it off until now because I feared that I might be asking more of myself than I am prepared to handle. The only way that I can overcome this is to make the effort.” Loki whispered. I felt my stomach starting to twist in nervous knots. I had a guess at where he was going with this, only I wasn’t sure. 

“What do you mean?”

“I want to start teaching you to control your seidr. I made you a promise and I wish to honor my word. This is our fresh start. My life is here with you and I’m not letting anything distract me from that anymore.” Loki answered. 

I relaxed against his shoulder. “Oh.”

“Aren’t you excited?”

“Absolutely! You don’t know how happy I am to hear you say that.” 

“Then why were you tense?” 

I shrugged, “Because I thought you were about to say something else…”

“What did you think that I was going to say?” 

“That it ought to be a nursery.” I answered quietly. 

Loki hummed in understanding. “There are other rooms that would be better suited for that. The one across the hall from us perhaps?” 

“That one is cute, isn’t it? It gets a lot of sunlight and I love the built in window seat. We still have quite a few rooms to find uses for Loki. We don’t have to decide on everything right away.” I chuckled. 

“No, we don’t. We can simply put that one on reserve for the little one, when and if the need arises.” 

“I agree. Between my magic lessons, riding lessons, and work, I imagine I’ll be pretty busy. Besides, I don’t want to make plans. It’s too easy to get disappointed when things don’t go the way we think they should. When we get settled and everything is back to normal…we should just allow the chips to fall where they may.” I replied. 

“By that you mean what exactly?” Loki asked, sounding a bit hesitant. 

I looked up at him, “I’m not saying that we should _try_. I’m just saying that we shouldn’t try _not_ to. If it happens…then it happens.” 

Loki grew quiet and I felt his arms tighten around me, “You say that now.”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. You know me.” 

“This isn’t the same as our impulsive decision to buy this house. Material possessions are very different—“

All this time, I always thought that I would have to be the one talking reason into Loki. He had after all been the first to introduce the idea years ago, even if it had only been intended to get a rise out of me at the time. “Don’t tell me that you’re worried?” I asked, softening my expression with the hint of a smile. 

“What if I am?”

“Than I’d hope you’d share your fears with me.”

“What if we are too different? Do we naively continue to take chances? Loosing one after another until I lose you as well? And what happens if we do succeed? What sort of abomination will we have created?” Loki confessed. The genuine fear was there in his voice. It was hidden, under layers of careful language and controlled speech, but I knew it when I heard it.

“Maybe we are too different. I’m not going to pretend that I won’t be a little disappointed but I can live with that. You’ve always been more than enough for me Loki. As long I have you, I will never take a single day on this earth for granted. What I can’t live with, is not knowing and the only way that we’ll know is if we let it happen.” I answered. 

“You’re far too optimistic for your own good.” Loki mentioned. 

“One of us has to be.” 

“I’ll attempt to be on the things we can afford to take chances with. We have no access to midwives who are familiar with my kind. Hell, no one in this forsaken realm is familiar with anything regarding the other realms. I will not take any chances with you life.”

“I’m sure that if we needed that kind of help your family wouldn’t turn us away. If it were something that serious, somebody would do something right?” If I knew one thing, it was that Frigga would fight like hell to help us. She would never stand by and let anything happen to an innocent child, even if their parents were technically criminals.

“I’m not in the habit of depending on them. You shouldn’t be either. I would go mad if anything ever happened to you.” At present Loki wore a thin veneer of sanity. It was difficult to maintain, and for that reason alone, I knew that the words that he spoke were the truth. I alone kept him in his right mind.

“What if something did happen…and our baby survived. Would you still go mad?” I asked curiously. I saw the answer in his eyes and it was nothing short of heartbreaking. Loki could lie about many things and in more ways that with words alone. This just was not one of those situations. He would resent them, just as he resented everyone who ever separated us. “I would want you to give them all the love in the world. They would need you to be sane for that—“

“We can paint the living room next weekend. I suggest you make up your mind on a color before then. While I prepare dinner, I need you to make your final decisions about the first batch of items in the garage. I’m going take them to be appraised in the morning.” Rather than push further on this topic that Loki clearly wanted to ignore, I allowed the change of subject. 

“Ok. I hope it doesn’t take too long for them to cut us a check after the auction. I’ve had my eye on a nice sectional for weeks. You’ll like it. You have a thing for leather.” I smiled. I scooped water onto his hair with my hand until all of his hair was wet. It was finally starting to get long now, although it still wasn’t quite at his shoulders yet. Loki was beginning resembled the man I’d met all those years ago, only now the evidence of the last few years of persistent stress had begun to settle into his features. 

“If you say so.” Loki held me tighter, gently kissing my cheek as his hand found mine beneath the waters surface. We soaked together for a while longer until I began to work away the flecks of paint that still adorned his face. Eventually I gave in and took one of the washrags and scrubbed at it until he was pink and clean. Loki was more cooperative than I expected him to be. He always was unpredictable like that. When I least expected it he took my ankle and lifted my leg out of the water, nearly dunking me under in the process. Had I not grabbed onto the sides of the tub, he would have succeeded. 

“Watch it! I have zero intentions of washing my hair tonight.” I pulled myself higher to keep my head above water. 

“I hadn’t either—“

“But you _really_ needed to. Besides, yours will be dry in what, ten minutes?”

“That’s not the point.” Loki simply chuckled to himself as he began to scrub away the drips of paint that he’d left on my shin. I was washing away the pain on his chest when he kissed me. Maybe it was the warm water or the close proximity, but one chaste peck wasn’t enough. I tasted him again, running my hand along his neck to bring him closer. I was hungry for him, craving his lips with a ferocity that I could only compare to dire thirst. I loved this man with every fiber of my being and nothing could ever change that. Soon my resolve to avoid temptation went out the window. I let Loki have his way with me. And this time, he made sure that I didn’t win.

* * *

Early the next morning, I found Loki’s side of the bed empty. The sheets were cold so I could tell that he’d been gone for a while. I glanced at my phone and the time read half past four. _Which is **way** too early to be awake on a Saturday._ The sun wasn’t even up yet and for whatever reason, Loki wasn’t asleep. Had I been a bit more naïve, I would have wondered what the hell he was doing up at this time of day. Of course, I knew Loki better than that. For as long as I’d known him, he’d had trouble sleeping through the night. For that reason, I didn’t think much of it. He was probably downstairs in his study, working through his latest library haul. So I rolled over and had every intention of going right back to sleep. Just as I was beginning to doze, I heard the heavy sound of furniture sliding across the floor. _Loki what the hell are you doing?_

My eyes snapped open and I lay there listening for another few seconds, waiting for another sound clue. This time I heard him hitting something with a hammer, followed by another noisy thud. _Ele…just go back to sleep. You don’t have to deal with this right now?_ Then there was more hammering. Now my concern got the better of me, so I pushed myself out of bed. Tugging off the top blanket, I wrapped it around myself and started into the hallway. Loki was in the room next door, the one he’d designated to be our magic studio. For a moment I stood in the doorway, watching as he nailed a sheet of dark fabric over the window. At first I was too stunned to find my words.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” Loki apologized as he looked over his shoulder. I walked farther into the room to inspect the work that he’d already done. There were candleholders on the walls and he’d brought a large bureau upstairs from the study. It hadn’t been in here last night so I could only assume that he’d gotten it this morning. Once Loki finished covering the window, he pushed the colossal chest of drawers in front of it. 

“Loki, what on earth are you doing?”

This time Loki finally turned to me, “Preparing the room for your lessons.” He answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Let me see if I understand what you’re telling me. Because of my lessons…you needed to nail a bed sheet to our window?” I raised an eyebrow. _Why are you so strange?_

“That is temporary—“ 

“We could’ve used curtains Loki.” 

“For now, this will have to suffice. You need complete focus. No light. No sound. I eliminated anything that could distract you from the energies flowing through your body.” The way he hurried around the room left me feeling a bit dizzy. He was never this excited about anything anymore. Still, I wondered what had caused him to pick this time of day to get to work. Then again, Loki always was the peculiar one. Just as he brushed past me, I grabbed his arm and leaned against him in need of a hug. 

“Did you sleep at all last night?”

“For a bit. Then I started thinking—“

“About rearranging furniture?” I asked as I sat down on the armchair that he’d also dragged upstairs. _How did you sleep through all this?_

“No. I realized that I need to begin nurturing my seidr or it will atrophy from disuse. I don’t want to wait any longer. I said that I would teach you and that is what I shall do. Your lessons begin today.” 

Still groggy, I rubbed my eyes. “After coffee, right?” 

“No Coffee. You cannot have anything altering your mind—“

“I said coffee, not LSD” 

“You will only make a difficult task that much harder. Your decision. ” Loki admonished. 

I wanted to whine like a little kid but I knew that he was right. If I was serious about learning then I would follow his instruction or there would be no point to any of this. So I decided to at least give it a try. “Ok, fine. But you should know that I don’t do 8ams. That means I still have another four hours to sleep. I’ll be back around nine-thirty.” I murmured as I started towards the door.

Loki snagged me by my blanket, “The earlier we begin, the better. This is when your seidr is at its strongest.” He explained. I groaned, not wanting to disagree with him. I **wanted** to learn. It’s just that right now, I **wanted** sleep more. “Don’t let me hear any more of that. While I finish in here, I want you to shower and dress in something comfortable. We have a long day ahead of us.” Loki kissed my forehead and sent me on my way. 

“You’re lucky I love you because if anyone else tried the shit that you just pulled…somebody would be surgically removing my foot from that person’s ass right about now.” I shuffled back into the bedroom.

“I’ve lost count of all the times that you have done something similar to me. Now go get dressed. I will not ask again.” Loki called out to me.

 _You just had to get up and investigate, didn’t you?_ If I hadn’t been so nosy, I could have slept for another few hours. Although, as much as I would have liked to blame myself, I also knew my husband. He was the type that would come and wake me up, even if I had managed to stay asleep with all the construction underway next-door. And another, sleepier part of me, seriously considered crawling back into the warm spot I’d left behind. _That’s a mistake. You know him._ Loki wouldn’t ask again. He would vanish the blankets and disappear the bed to wherever it was that he concealed things. I didn’t want to fight with him this morning. Whether or not I won that argument, I would still loose in the end. If I were ever going to learn magic, Loki would have to teach me. So irritating him wasn’t in my best interest. With that in mind, I started to pull out some cloths to wear. 

When I returned to our new studio, Loki had lit a few of the candles around the room. Since they were the only light source, it was very dim and created a surreal kind of ambiance. At the center of the room, he’d placed some cushions for us to sit on. “Close the door.” He instructed. To which I obeyed, before I approached him. 

“This feels a little too…fortune-tellerish for your style.” I mentioned as I flopped down on a pile of soft things. 

“None of this is for my benefit. I can manage under any circumstance. You will need all the focus that you can get.” He sat down across from me. 

“No need to brag.”

“I’m simply stating a fact. You will reach that level of ability one day. For now, let us take this very slowly.”

“Fine.” I settled into my seat and gave him my full attention, eagerly waiting for him to begin my first real lesson. 

“Do you remember the way that I showed you how to find your seidr when you performed your first incantation?” Loki offered. He held out his hands, expecting that I would lay mine atop his. 

“Yes.” I answered quietly. That had been one of the best nights of my life. Something that special was difficult to forget. 

“I’m going to do the same thing again. It will be much more difficult for you this time as your senses are not heightened the way that they were then. Recognize my energy and repel it with your own. That is your first lesson.” At first I waited for him to begin, not realizing that he already had. “Ele, you need to focus.”

“I am! I didn’t feel anything.” 

Loki frowned, not so much at me but at the situation I suppose. “This is going to be harder than I anticipated. Close your eyes and focus on your heartbeat. Feel the way that your blood pulses through your veins. Pay close attention to all of the sensations that you are otherwise conditioned to ignore.” Loki whispered. 

I exhaled, and then tried focused on my heartbeat. At first it felt a bit pointless. My mind wanted to wander astray but after a while I began to feel the gentle throbbing in my extremities. I wondered how much of what I thought I felt was my imagination playing tricks on me. With so much sensory deprivation, it was hard to tell. At one point I even felt Loki’s pulse too. It was a lot slower than mine. I wondered if that was because he was in better shape than I was or if it was a complicated biological difference. _Focus!_ After what felt like an eternity, I began to get frustrated. All that we were doing was sitting on the floor, in the dark, feeling our hearts beat. 

Without opening his eyes or so much as moving a muscle, Loki sensed the subtle change in my attitude. I don’t know how, he just did. “Stop allowing yourself to be distracted. Feel the way that your blood moves through you. Think of how the air feels against your skin. Pay attention to the minute details you so often overlook.” Yet after hours doing nothing but **focus** , his calm encouragement wasn’t enough and I finally reached my boiling point. Loki closed his fingers around mine, then without warning the room felt full. In a brief flash of perception, I felt his presence filling the air. It was suffocating and I snatched my hands out of his. 

Loki looked at me, waiting for me to calm down before he explained. “You have to train yourself to recognize what your energies feel like. You can sense mine because they are foreign to you. That is a good start, however you only recognized it when I took a heavy-handed approach. You must become more sensitive to the energy shifting within you and around your being.”

I nodded, willing myself to settle as the discomfort began to abate. “Can you feel mine?”

“I can. Presently, it is very weak. Only practice will strengthen it. You mustn’t jerk away when it becomes uncomfortable. Break that habit immediately or you are doing yourself a disservice.”

“In the beginning, were all of your lessons torture too?” I asked under the guise of curiosity so that I could conceal my bitterness. . 

“No. As I’ve mentioned before, your kind have a much lower awareness of their seidr. If that weren’t difficult enough, only a select few of Midgardians possess any innate ability to begin with. You are fortunate in that you possess more talent than most. I’m sure much of that can be attributed to the same forces that have granted you immortality.”

“Oh. So you’re telling me I’m _special_ , but not **_that_** special?”

Loki’s expression was unmoved, “No. I’m telling you that you lack discipline. That is going to be your biggest obstacle.” Even though I know his honesty was meant to help me, all it truly did was irritate me a little bit more. I was trying my best and I still couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. This time Loki took my hands in his, closing his long fingers around mine. “Again.” 

At first I was a tad reluctant, but when I looked over at Loki he was waiting patiently for me. He wasn’t forcing me into anything that I didn’t want to do. I had to come to him. That was the one thing I both loved and hated about his teaching style. Loki was infuriatingly calm and while my patience lasted, that was a wonderful combination of guidance and encouragement. However, my patience never lasted for more than the first few minutes. So the rest of the time it was incredibly annoying.

For weeks we practiced like this for several hours a day. I never saw any progress and it felt even more like torture the longer we kept at it. Most of the time, Loki knew when to end our lesson for the day. Usually that was just minutes before I’d end up in tears. Sometimes I did anyway, not that I ever let Loki see them. I’d done far worse in his presence and yet to me, letting him see me this distraught over magic was unthinkable. I’m sure Loki could tell anyway, considering I always kept my distance for at least an hour after we called it quits for the night. 

Tonight, however, was much different. I’d reached my breaking point a lot sooner. That probably had a lot to do with the fact that we had been at this for weeks. I’d effectively worn down all of my patience reserves and now I was running on fumes. We were sitting on the floor again, feeling our heartbeats for the millionth time. This time, when his energy invaded the space around me, I tugged my hands out of his and slamming the door on my way out. I had nothing left to give, so putting up a fight didn’t even register as an option. 

My first instinct was to break something or maybe even kick a wall. Rather than destroy anything, I stormed outside and into the warm spring air. The angrier part of me wanted to stomp off the porch and just walk until I exhausted myself. Although, the rational side knew exactly how that was going to end. It was nearly dark, except for the tiny amount of sunlight that still lingered on the horizon. As soon as I’d start too calm down, I would be lost on one of the back roads without enough light to find my way home. The absolute last thing I wanted was to frantically call Loki to come get me because I was too afraid to take another step. 

Having mentally exhausted all my other options, I plopped down on the porch swing. For the first time since we’d begun my lessons, I was ready to quite. Maybe I just wasn’t meant to do all the amazing things Loki could do. Why be frustrated with myself for not grasping this simple task that I wasn’t built to perform? Now I was angry with Loki and myself for getting my hopes up in the first place. I took a few deep breaths and did my best to calm down, only I couldn’t. 

Not long after that, the screen door clattered shut and I heard Loki approaching. He placed two steaming cups of what I assumed was tea on the table nearby. Despite the angry glares that I cast in his direction, Loki sat down on the other end of the bench. He was wearing a funny little smirk that annoyed me to the brink of violence. “What the hell is so funny?” 

“I am not amused, I’m intrigued. You never cease to amaze me.” Loki reached over and began to urge me towards him. Given my current mood, I wasn’t all that open to moving closer, let alone tolerant to being touched. So I shoved against him. Then Loki grabbed ahold of any part of me that he could get his hands around. 

I recoiled and he tightened his grip, which instantly enraged me. “Get off of me!” I slapped him away. Instead of letting go the way any sane person ought to, Loki pulled me closer. 

“Harder.” He commanded. 

“What the hell is your problem?” Now in addition to being angry, I was a bit freaked out. This time when I pushed against him, Loki released me. And he was wearing that irritating smirk again. Now I _truly_ wanted to smack the grin off his face. 

“You haven’t realized it yet, have you?”

I glared at him, “I’m done with your games, Loki! If you have something to say to me, fucking say it. I’m **this** close to losing my shit right now. Don’t test me.”

“You resisted me.“ Just as I was about to lash out some more, I realized exactly what Loki meant. This time he didn’t bother to take my hands, he simply allowed his energy to spill over into the space between us and I reacted. My energy repelled his the way that magnets of the same polarity would reject one and other. It was a visceral response, as if my body were acting of its own volition. I forgot all about my anger and in its place grew astonishment. “I wish I had known that all I had to do was make you angry. I could have saved myself so much time and effort. Why spend hours in meditation, when your buttons are so easily pushed…” This time I could hear a twinge of sarcasm in his voice. 

Meanwhile, I was at a loss for words. All I could think to do was test my newfound abilities. With just a thought, I flexed the field of energy that arced around me. I remembered this feeling, the control that I had over the sixth sense I’d only just learned to detect. Loki smiled, watching me through an unashamedly proud expression. I suppose he deserved to be. I was after all his student and he had taught me everything that I knew. Slowly, my suborned façade to began to melt away and relieved laughter broke my contentious silence. I looked away to hide the blush that was beginning to warm my cheeks. 

Loki lifted my chin, to reveal the smile I sought to hide. “I told you that this would take time. You’ve already achieved what most Midgardian’s never will. Do not be so quick to give up when you find that it becomes uncomfortable—”

“That wasn’t me giving up. That was me needing space to cool off _before_ I give up.” I managed to explain. 

Loki nodded in understanding, “It will get easier. Like anything that is worth learning, you aren’t likely to grasp it on your first attempt. This will be the case for every incantation that you attempt to master.”

“Yeah I know. It’s just **frustrating** to work so fucking hard for weeks and still not see even the tiniest bit of change.” I muttered. This time when Loki drew me closer, I allowed it. I settled onto his lap and he wrapped his arms around me in a comforting embrace.

“I saw progress every day, even if it was nothing more than the fact that you returned and tried again. Yes it was tedious and challenging, but you made the effort every time.”

“Thank you for being the level headed one.” I whispered. 

“I have been in your position before. My teacher was impossibly patient and understandings.” Loki seemed to lose himself in thought for a moment, before rooting himself back to the present. “I don’t know of any other way.” 

“You know that’s not the same. Besides, you’re good at everything.”

“Not everything.” Loki nuzzled into my hair. The gentle swaying motion of the swing lulled me into a calmer frame of mind. I felt Loki kiss my cheek as the final bits of frustration began to melt away. Then he reached over to pick up one of the mugs. Just as Loki was about to take a sip, I intercepted and brought his drink to my mouth instead. “You have your own.” 

“I’m checking yours for poison.” 

Loki rolled his eyes, managing to pry my fingers from the handle of his mug. “A few minutes ago you were ready to poison me yourself.” 

“I’d never poison you, babe. I’d miss you too much.” 

“That _is_ reassuring.” He added dryly. 

“What are you going to teach me to conjure first?” I asked; sounding more excited than I had intended. 

He chuckled, “Let us start with something simple—“

“How much longer until I can do that thing you do when you make stuff appear out of thin air?” 

“This?” Loki produced one of his daggers in his free hand.

I quickly grabbed it from him, “How did you do that?”

My childlike wonder always amused him. “Patience, my love. You still have a lot to learn. It will be a while before you are ready for that.” Loki kissed my forehead.

“How long is a while? A week? Six months? A year?” I asked as I began to run the tip of his blade along the pattern on his shirt. When I reached the opening of his collar, I lightly scraped along his skin. The sound of his beard grating against the metal was strangely satisfying, although, Loki didn’t seem to think so. He guided the end of his dagger away from his throat. I suppose it wasn’t a comfortable position to find one’s self in. _Even when he knew that I was incapable of hurting him._

“Soon. When you’re strong enough, I will teach you every trick and slight of hand that I know.” Loki whispered against my lips. 

I grumbled, albeit somewhat dramatically. “I’m going to hold you to your word Loki.”

“When have I ever broken a promise to you?”

“There was that _one_ time—“ Loki closed the distance between us, silencing me with a greedy kiss. If I could expect this much affection in the mean time, I could certainly wait on learning those charms because this was magical in its own right. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This took a lot longer than I anticipated but it's finally here. I thought about dividing this one up and making it two separate uploads but I really just couldn't be bothered to do all that extra snipping and cutting, so I hope you don't mind the length. As always, thank you for being super patient! I still have no intentions of abandoned the story. It's just going to be slow for another few weeks. Moving forwards I do have interesting things planned for the next few chapters and I hope you stick around for that. I just need to find the time to make the next chapters presentable and then they will be headed your way. Let me know what you think and I'll try to have another chapter up for you soon.


	40. Pop Quiz

It was Saturday and Loki was scheduled to work today. At first his alarm had been the primary offender, although the second I felt him cuddle up to me, I knew that I wasn’t any closer to getting a moment of peace. Exhausted, marginally in the mood, and outmaneuvered, Loki didn’t have to try all that hard to get me out of my undies. It’s worth noting that he was generally more personable when he wasn’t horny. So I’d basically be doing a public service to everyone he’d be forced interact with today. I at least owed it to them to soften his sharp edges before letting him out of the house. Armed with that half-baked excuse, I performed my “wifely duties” with little opposition. _Not that it wasn’t mutually beneficial in the first place._

Well fucked and running late, Loki sped through his morning routine before hurrying out the door. I on the other hand, had the luxury of snoozing for another few hours. Later on I dragged myself out of bed to shower and then I started my day for the second time with a hot cup of coffee. Since I had the house to myself until tonight, I decided that I’d try to be as productive as possible in the interim. 

I opened all of the windows to let the fresh spring air breathe through this stuffy house. We were no longer in the final chilly throws of winter. Spring had sprung and I intended to take full advantage of the pleasant exchange of seasons. Initially I thought that I might spend a few minutes packing some things for the auction next week, but that turned out to be far too tedious for my mood. Instead, I headed outside to start tidying up the barn. Once the most recent checks cleared at the bank, Loki was finally going to get his horse. I was excited for him, especially after we’d gone to visit a few of the prospective candidates last weekend. We were slowly of recreating our own little piece of Asgard right here. It was an effortless combination that reflected who we’d become as a married couple. _An unintentional Midgardian-Aesir fusion…_. 

Once I was in the barn, I swept the floors and took inventory of the repairs that needed to be made. I was by no means a DIY expert, but things like broken hinges or warped floorboards stood out to me. Of course, Kat helped out as much as she could. _By that I mean she got underfoot in tight quarters._ However, she did come in handy when I accidently disturbed a nest of field mice. They scattered when I moved an old crate and she bolted after them. I had to smack her with the broom a couple times to stop her from eating one of the rodents that she’d just killed and I later learned that it wasn’t just the mice that she would go after. A bunny almost lost its life a short while later. After saving cottontail from her jaws, I decided that it was probably a good time to go back inside. 

Following all of that unplanned exercise, I crashed for another nap. This time when I awoke, it was late in the afternoon and I realized that Loki would be on his way home soon. After having a very unproductive day, I decided to at least get started on dinner. I had it in my mind to surprise him with something special before my lesson. Last night Loki told me that we might get to start working on micro-dimensions. _Aka the spell that allows him to grab daggers out of thin air._ Needless to say I was extremely excited. 

This specific spell had been the reason I’d wanted to learn magic in the first place. Every time that I was struggling or I found myself wanting to quit, I’d see Loki conjuring a dagger in my minds eye. That alone motivated me to continue working though every impossible challenge that I confronted. One other thing I’d learned along the way was that persevering became a lot easier when I was already in a good mood. And nothing could lift my spirits the way pampering Loki could. 

Tonight that translated into cooking a kick ass dinner. _Don’t get ahead of yourself. It’s not going to be **that** good._ Regardless, Loki would still appreciate not having to find something for us to eat after working all day. Not to mention, I could use the practice. I was getting better at cooking. Loki was eating more of the foods that I made now and compared to where I had started, that alone was a huge improvement. I was going to try my hand at making chili, which was especially tricky because we were on opposing ends of the spice spectrum. I hated spicy foods and Loki couldn’t get enough of it. 

Just as I was adding in the cayenne pepper, my phone buzzed on the counter. It was a message from Loki and all it said was “come to the front door.” I realized that the whole time I’d been reading his text; I had continued to shake away at the seasoning bottle. “Great. He’s going to love this.” I sighed. Frustrated with myself, I turned down the flames and headed to the foyer. By the time I got there, Kat was already there standing watch. When he got out of the car she began to pace impatiently, too excited to welcome Loki home after a long day away to contain herself.

“Why am I standing in the doorway? I’ve got dinner on.” I called to him, as he made his way up the front walkway. 

“Because I have a surprise for you.” Loki reached to pull open the door and I noticed he was carrying something a pillowcase. When said pillowcase wriggled, I flipped the latch on the lock.

“Loki, that better not be a fucking snake. And if it is, you’re sleeping the car tonight.”

He laughed at my quick reflexes. _Because living with him does that to you._ “It isn’t a snake—“

“I don’t believe you.” Now he stood at the other side of the screen, wearing a wicked smile that did absolutely nothing to assuage my suspicions. “Open the door.” 

I folded my arms in defiance. “Not a chance snowball’s chance in hell.” _I’ve been tricked enough times to know that if it looks like it might be a snake, it probably is one._ With just a twist of his wrist, he unlocked the door and I stepped far enough back to give myself the space to bolt if necessary. 

“Why are you so skittish? Don’t you trust me?” He smirked. 

“Hell no. I _know_ you and oftentimes your surprises are terrifying.” Braver that myself, Kat ventured closer to sniff the heavy end of the pillowcase and to her bewilderment, it whimpered. She leapt backward and looked to me for clarification. “Loki what’s in there?” Rather than explain, he carefully pulled a little puppy from its unorthodox carrying container. Before he could even get another word out, I scooped the little one into my arms. “Loki!”

“Kevin saw someone dump him on the side of the road this morning. He’s not exactly in the position to take in another mouth to feed and preferred to see him in a home instead of the shelter. So…because I am an _awful_ husband who plays cruel tricks on his wife, I offered to take the runt off of his hands. I assumed that you might want it. You have an affinity for collecting unfortunate creatures in need of affection. At the very least it would give Kat a companion.” Loki explained. 

“Of course I want him.” I smiled, looking down at this tiny creature. He couldn’t have been more than a few weeks old, certainly too young to have been separated from his mother. The little guy sported an ambiguous brindle coat that made it impossible to discern what breed he might be, although my best guess was a haphazard combination of a few different ones.

“What shall we call him?”

“He looks like an Oliver to me.” I said, holding the little fella up to give him a good once over. 

Again Loki gave me a rather amused look, “You think so?” 

“I know so.” I smiled. “I love you so much right.” 

“Of course you do.” Loki kissed my cheek in passing and I followed him back into the kitchen. We effortlessly shifted duties as I began to prepare a place for our new puppy to get comfortable. Meanwhile Kat followed close by, eager to meet our newest addition. “Try not to spoil this one as well. That scrawny thing wouldn’t allow Kevin put him down all day.” Loki mentioned.

“You know I can’t say no to this squishy face. What kind of person would just throw him away Loki? He’s just a baby.”

“That’s a good question. You have to wonder what has become of the rest of his brood.”

I sighed, “I don’t even want to think about it. Oh! Did you stop by the auction house on you’re way in?”

“Yes. I will deposit the checks after I take you to work on Monday.”

“Fantastic. Y’know…we’re actually doing pretty well now. I can’t remember the last time—“

“Don’t jinx it. Weren’t you the one who used to tell me that? You of all people should know better.” Loki interrupted. He looked quite upset with me for breaking one of my own rules. 

I sighed, “You’re right. I just thought we ought to at least acknowledge it is all.”

“We acknowledge it by putting aside resources in the event that our good fortune is short lived.” He warned. 

“Fair. Our luck tends not to last. We should start saving, but we also need a lot of things in the mean time. For instance you need a car because this sharing thing is getting really old, really fast.”

“I didn’t say we shouldn’t meet our needs, just that we should do so thoughtfully.”

I scoffed, “Says the man that is hell bent on getting a horse.”

“Utility—“

“Really? That’s a stretch and you know it. We drive cars around here, not horses. That thing isn’t going to do anything but eat, poop, and keep you busy for hours on end.”

“I don’t complain about your pets.” Loki muttered under his breath. 

“Oh haven’t you? You’ve thrown spectacular tantrums over my pet, Loki. I may have a history of memory issues, but I do remember last summer. While we’re doing ok, we should plan for the future. Also, I’m pretty sure I just fucked up dinner.”

“What were you making?” Loki finished washing his hands and began to stir the pot. 

“Chili. You’ll love it. I put like half the bottle of cayenne pepper in there.”

“On purpose?”

“No. You distracted me.” I watched Loki taste a spoonful and he smiled. 

“That is a happy accident if I ever saw one” Loki muttered, helping himself to another healthy spoonful. 

I sighed, “I’ll take that to mean that it’s going to melt my face off—“

“This is delicious.” Loki insisted. 

“To you. I don’t know what I’m going to eat now—“ 

“Chili.” Loki tugged me closer and put the spoon to my lips for a taste. Immediately, I got a peppery kick right to the back of my throat. 

“How can you like that!?” I managed to utter between coughs. 

“What isn’t there to like—“

“The way that it threatens to close my airway?”

Loki waved away my concerns, “Frivolous things.”

“Right, because who needs to breathe? Your alien taste buds are wired all wrong.”

“Leave this to me. It is still salvageable. In the meantime, I want you to begin your exercises.” 

“Right after I finish with Ollie—“ 

Loki scooped the puppy out of my arms. “Thirty repetitions.”

“Loki I just said I would in a minute.” I tried to take him back, but Loki gave me a look of warning. I knew that best as his, _‘don’t make me ask again’_ face. “Fine.” With that I shuffled upstairs to begin my lesson on my own. I was a bit disappointed that he was down there saving dinner. After all, my intent was to cook so that he wouldn’t have to. I guess a half-completed gesture was better than none at all. 

When I settled onto my spot in the floor, I began the tedious practice regimen he’d assigned. Over the course of the last few weeks, Loki had started leaving me with a variety of practice sets to do in between our sessions. On the one hand, this constant reinforcement allowed me to improve daily. On the other, carving time out of my day for an additional hour or so of seidr exercises wasn’t always doable. Unfortunately, Loki never failed to notice when I hadn’t done my homework. And he never hesitated to point out my lack of improvement either. _Shaming is a better way of putting it…_

A little while later, Loki entered the studio. Rather than look up, I did my best to ignore him altogether so that he wouldn’t have a reason to fuss at me. Sometimes he purposefully did distracting things to “test” my discipline. I almost always failed these little pop quizzes and of course he scolded me for that as well. If it weren’t for the fact that I was married to this jerk, I would’ve hated having him as an instructor. He set high expectations and didn’t pull any punches when it came to my education. I guess I should’ve been grateful, although it was difficult to be appreciative when he frustrated me more than the lessons themselves. 

When I heard a bowl clatter to the floor, my eyes involuntarily sprang open. “What’s all that for?” I leaned to the left to try to steal a glance at the items he had behind him. 

Loki mirrored my movements to block my view. “You will know soon enough.”

“Is today the day we do micro-dimensions?” I asked eagerly. 

“No—“

“But you said we were going to do that today.” I groaned. 

“I said that we _might_. I want to be certain that you are strong enough before I teach you that incantation. If you attempt to conjure a charm before you are ready, you could lose consciousness and you do not want that. Imagine the worst hang over you’ve ever experienced, then magnify it four fold over the course of the next day and a half.” 

I cringed, “That sounds terrible.”

“It is and I do not want to spend my time off nursing you back to health. You know that I will if I have to, however I prefer not to watch you suffer. ” 

“Well if we aren’t doing that tonight, then what are we doing?” 

“Something less strenuous, but far more useful.” He explained. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. “Mending. The process is the same no mater how severe the injury. The more extensive the wound; the more exertion required. While you can already heal faster than the typical Midgardian, you may find yourself in a situation where waiting for your injury to repair itself is inadvisable or you may choose to do so out of convenience. Nevertheless, this is a vital skill for you to have at your disposal.” I nodded in acknowledgement. Loki didn’t have to convince me of its merit. I was already onboard because in my opinion, pain was always an inconvenience. 

“Okie dokie. Let’s get started.” With that, Loki scrawled the rune that gave my words power, making sure that my pronunciation was correct before giving me permission to activate them with my energy. For a while I struggled to get it to work, but once I grasped it, it didn’t take very long for me to master the basics. 

“You’re a fast learner.” Loki mentioned and I smiled, enjoying the compliments he tossed my way every once in a while. That was when he reached behind him to retrieve the bowl. There was a hand towel draped over the edge and he put that aside. I’d learned not to make very many assumptions while in this room. Things often went in unexpected directions, although I still couldn’t have anticipated what he did next. Loki produced one of his daggers and closed his fist around the blade. 

“Don’t!” By the time I managed to force the word out, it was already too late. He’d dragged the blade through his fingers and dark venous blood began pouring from his closed hand. My heart leap into my throat in horror, “Loki, why did you do that!?” Without thinking I wrapped the towel around his hand to try to stop the bleeding, but it was soaking through much faster than the cloth could absorb. 

“Don’t panic. Heal the injury.” Loki stated. His voice was eerily calm. It was almost as if he hadn’t just sliced open his hand for demonstration purposes.

“Don’t tell me not to panic!” I was so flustered that I couldn’t even remember the incantation. My hands were trembling and all I could do was watch helplessly as his blood continued to collect the bowl beneath. “Loki, I don’t remember. Can you please just do something to slow the bleeding?” I pleaded. In spite of my best efforts, I felt tears gathering in my eyes. _Woman up! Don’t you dare cry!_

“You know what must be done.”

“Loki! This isn’t funny. Do something!” I shouted. This time he didn’t reply and I knew that he wasn’t about to help me. _Or himself._ Somehow, I managed to gather my wits for a moment and focus. Just as suddenly as the incantation had escaped my mind, I remembered the words. With as much strength as I could summons, I poured all of my energy into that single spell. I could almost feel the damaged tissues fusing beneath my hands. It was a strange sensation, a true sixth sense in that respect. Seconds after I’d begun to mend him, Loki tugged his hand out of my grasp. On bated breath, I watched as he unfurled the bloodied cloth and to my relief the deep gash was healed. My jaw clenched with rage and I forced back the torrent of nervous tears that threated to slide down my cheeks. Still, a few managed to fall anyway. “What the hell is wrong with you?” 

“It was a test—“

“A test!? You’re insane. Insane and fucking cruel.” In retaliation I shoved him as hard as I could. Much to my irritation he barely even swayed, so I settled to thrash him with the bloodied towel a few times. 

“It was realistic. Emergencies arise without advanced notice. You need to be ready to use this skill without hesitation. Don’t panic. Heal the injury and bide your time. You did very well.” Loki encouraged. Regardless of how starved I was for his approval, I still glared at him and stubbornly resisted each time he tried to tug me closer. “Don’t give me that look, Eleanor.” The playful way that he said my name in no way distracted me from my anger.

“You deserve this look **Loki** , because I’m fucking mad at you. My day was going great until you went and did that.” 

“I was never in any real danger.” He smiled in a futile attempt to soften my scowl. I guess he must have noticed that he wasn’t getting anywhere with that, so tried a different approach. “I didn’t think it would scare you. You have no reason to worry. See for yourself, it has been healed. Do you think that you can forgive me?” Loki lured me closer with the sincerity of his voice and a sad look. Despite knowing all of this was a well-executed performance, I found myself shuffling over to sit beside him anyway. Loki kissed my temple before resting his head against mine.

“I’ll think about it.” He gladly accepted that in lieu of proper forgiveness because he already knew that he wasn’t about to hear me say those words anytime soon. Without another word I stood up, putting an abrupt end to todays lesson. I didn’t care if he had a new homework assignment for me or not, I was skipping it. With that, I left Loki to clean up his mess while I headed downstairs. Just to prove how pissed off I was, I started eating without him. _Something that I never do if I can help it._

By this point, Loki must have realized how royally he’d fucked up because he was going the extra mile to get on my good side. It was all too obvious when he brought out the expensive wine. _And by expensive, I mean the kind that is a shelf above the boxed wine._ After he’d gotten himself some food, Loki joined me on the sofa. It was his night to choose what we watched, but he didn’t attempt to turn away from the channel that I’d chosen. I wouldn’t speak to him when he tried to strike up a conversation or when he mentioned that the chilly was delicious. I only acknowledged his presence by holding out my empty glass for a refill every now and again. Two rounds of wine later, I started to loosen up. 

“Meg and Devin are coming over on Friday. I thought it might be nice to put some food on the grill and watch a few movies. She’s bringing her popcorn popper and I’m pulling out the margarita mix. Sound fun?”

Loki shrugged. He still wasn’t too keen on sharing our personal space with our—well _my_ friends. To be honest Loki really wasn’t all that interested in socializing. _Which isn’t breaking news._ He tolerated Meg and I don’t think that he outright disliked Devin. He just wasn’t interested in forging any real connection with either of them. I had accepted that fact a long time ago. The silver lining to all this was that Loki didn’t outright sabotage my attempts at having a social life. _I guess I should be grateful of that…_

“We might even have your horse by then. At least you’ll have that to talk about.” I added. This seemed like it might get more a response out of him.

“In that case, I will be busy. You and Megan should have a wonderful time in my absence.” Loki added. 

“I like hanging out with all my friends at once.” I muttered.

“You and I aren’t friends.” Loki jested. _Or at least I think he’s kidding?_ I had to glance at him just to be sure and I was met with an all too jovial smirk.

“Glad you finally told me. Now I guess I can stop pretending to like you too.”

“You know what I meant.”

“Sure I do, Loki. ” I laid my head against his shoulder and that was as much of a truce as I could stomach tonight. _You let him off way too easy. Damn you and your lack of conviction!_ Maybe it was the wine or maybe I’m a pushover. I just couldn’t stay angry with him, no matter how hard I tried. 

Sometime between the fifth and sixth glass, I realized that I had quickly surpassed the point of no return. I didn’t drink often, although when I did, I rarely paid attention to the warning signs. _You really over did it this time._

Since it was getting late, Loki started cleaning up the kitchen before bed. He left me lying on the sofa, happy to do the bulk of the work himself. I had after all fixed most of the meal, so it was a fair division of labor. For what felt like an eternity, I watching him gather the cookware and pile them next to the sink. We often squabbled over the point of having the dishwasher. Loki refused to use it and no matter how hard I petitioned, he wouldn’t budge on the issue. On that note, I decided that I should at least help out so that he wouldn’t be up all night doing dishes. With great difficulty I pulled myself upright and I made my way over to Loki, a task made that much harder by my impaired balance. 

Even when I thought I was walking straight, I pin-balled between the counters until I collided with him. With my cheek pressed against his shoulder, I tightened my arms around his middle to affectionately embrace him. In retrospect, this probably came across as me being _slightly_ more clingy than usual. “Here you are, babe.” I mumbled. 

“I’ve been right here this whole time.” Loki mentioned, his voice slightly venturing into sarcastic territory. 

I slithered to the side and leaned against the counter to see what he was up to. “Lemme help?” Without hesitating, I reached over to take the plate out of his hands. Initially Loki didn’t notice my inebriation, so he passed me the dishrag. However, no one told me that this was going to be so hard. He’d made it look easy. “Loki what did you do? It’s not working now. Fix it.” Before I could even get started, the plate slipped out of my grasp and shattered when it fell into the sink. “Oospy…” I whispered. That was when Loki finally glanced in my direction.

I reached up to caress his cheeks and somehow ended up scratching his beard for him instead. _Because it looks itchy under all that scruff._ Baffled and equally amused, Loki guided my hand away from his face. And that was all it took to spark a giggle fit. “I think it’s time for bed.” Loki stated. 

“No, not yet. I have to clean this up—“

Before I could reach into the water to collect the shards of glass, Loki directed my attention away from the mess. “Leave it to me. Why don’t we take this upstairs?” 

My head tipped forward under its own weight. Thankfully my forehead landed against his chest or I probably would’ve given myself whiplash. “Alright mister. Put me to bed. No funny business or I’ll tell my husband…and he **will** kick your ass.” I mumbled against his shirt. I closed my eyes and breathed his scent deep into my lungs. An unwelcome resurgence of nostalgia spawned in the recesses of my mind, reminding me of the heavy sorrow I’d lived with when we were apart. It was short lived, but even that fleeting memory was too horrible to endure. Without mentioning any of this to Loki, I tightened my arms around him so that he couldn’t disappear ever again. 

“Then I will stay vigilant. I wouldn’t want a disagreement with that man, he’s quite menacing. Wouldn’t you agree?” Loki whispered. 

“Nah. He’s a cuddle machine.” I felt more than I heard him chuckle at my response and in keeping with his new nickname Loki held me tenderly, reassuring me without words that I was safe and loved. 

Loki guided me towards the hall and I shuffled alongside him. He didn’t even give me the opportunity to tackle the stairs before he lifted me into his arms. It was for the best. Level ground was enough of a challenge. The stairs would’ve been impossible. Once we reached the bedroom, Loki placed me on the bed. “Disrobe.” 

Just as he turned to the dresser to get my nightshirt, I grabbed his hand. “I can’t. I don’t know how.” I groaned. For dramatic flare I flopped onto the bed as if that further proved my point. Though I quickly regretted it. That little maneuver jostled my tummy and the dry heave that followed didn’t escape his notice. _Especially since it wasn’t all that subtle._

Loki loomed over me, gently bringing my shirt over my head. Then he moved on to unfasten my jeans. Regardless of the circumstances, there was nothing quite as alluring as when he undressed me. “Don’t give me that look.” Loki warned and I smiled in defiance. 

In an attempt to appear innocent, I gazed up at him through my lashes. “What look, Loki?” 

“You are trying to seduce me. That is not going to happen tonight. You are going to sleep before you make a fool of yourself.” He affirmed. 

I guess his “decree” was supposed to discourage me, not that it had. I wasn’t exactly in an obedient mood. Loki resumed his work unfastening my pants and eventually he began to tug them down my legs. Of course my panties went along for the ride, leaving me bare-bottomed and exposed for him. The instant my ankles were free of their denim prisons, I spread my legs as if they were spring-loaded. “Boom. Seduced yet?” Loki glared at me, unmoved by my wanton antics. Despite his unenthusiastic reception, I was sure that that straight face was just an act. There was no way he could stand there and pretend he hadn’t felt the tiniest spark of lust after what I had just done.

I struggled onto my knees in order to convince him up close and personal. “Why do I tolerate you?”

“Because you like this pussy.” I whispered as I clung to him for balance. 

He hummed in what might’ve been agreement. “Perhaps, although I assure you pussy is not hard to come by. You must have earned my favor though some other means—“

“Why are you such an arrogant son of a bitch? For your information, my pussy _is_ hard to come by. And if it’s not special enough for you, then you better act like it is because it’s the only one you’re getting until death do us part. Besides, I give it up whenever you want it. Why can’t you just be polite and return the fucking favor?”

“This is not the same.” Loki stated as he pried my fingers off of his zipper. 

Refusing to be deterred, I sloppily kissed his jaw. “Why ain’t it?” 

“Because you’re intoxicated.” 

“Gods, I hate you! I mean, I love you, but like…I also hate you? Do you know how confusing that is?” I grumbled. 

“Do you hate me or are you frustrated because I will not let you have your way?”

I tossed my head from side to side to clear away the confusion, “I hate that you won’t give me what I want and I want you to fuck me. Do you understand what I am saying or is the Allspeak not working tonight?” 

“Yes, I understand you perfectly. Behave yourself before I inform your husband that you are getting out of hand.”

“Why are you being so mean to me?” I whined. 

“Mean? You just called me an arrogant son of a bitch.” Despite my resistance, Loki managed to pull my nightshirt over my head. He even wrestled one of my arms through an armhole. All of this was counter productive to my plan to seduce him, considering I needed to be naked for things to work the way nature intended. “You can have your way in the morning. How does that sound?”

“Terrible. I wanna get fucked tonight, not tomorrow. Don’t try to smooth talk your way out of this.” As I spoke, Loki threaded my other arm through its respective hole before easing me onto the bed. In one last ditch effort, I tried to pull him down with me, but Loki was too agile to be outmaneuvered by someone with my coordination. 

“Close those beautiful eyes and rest—“

“I’m not sleepy. I’m horny. Those are two super incompatible things.” I blurted. 

Loki smiled and sat at the edge of the bed, “Alright. How would you like to learn a new incantation?”

I squinted, trying my best to determine if this was another trick. “What is it this time?”

“A charm that gives you the ability to travel in time. If you perform this properly, you can close your eyes tonight and the next time you open them it will be morning. Would you like that?” With some hesitation, I nodded. “That’s my girl. Close your eyes and quiet your mind.” I did as Loki instructed, while he pulled the covers over my shoulder. 

“I don’t think its working. You didn’t tell me the words—“ 

Loki shushed me. “You do not need any for this to work. Quiet your mind and rest. I will be here when you awaken. The sun will have risen and you can have me as many times as you wish—“

I gasped, suddenly alarmed by the amount of responsibility he’d entrusted me with. “Loki, how am I supposed to make the Sun come up? You didn’t teach me that part.” 

Again Loki hushed me, tenderly caressing my hair to calm me once more. “Don’t fret my love, the Sun will rise without your assistance. Now do as I say.” 

With that, I sank into my pillow. “Okie dokie Loki. This had better work.” I heard him chuckle to himself, just as the spinning in my head began to slow. His magic poured over me and unlike all of the other times he’d done this during my lessons, it wasn’t unpleasant or frightening. Loki continued to stroke my hair until I drifted into a deep, seidr-induced sleep. It was peaceful and while the drowsiness embraced me, I looked forward to the morning when we’d get to enjoy the sunrise together.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Also...I'm still here! It has been far too long since I've gotten an update out to you. The reason, working two jobs and going to school full time doesn't exactly translate into a shit ton of free time. It's been a wild semester but the end is in sight. Just one more exam to knock out and I can finally get back to working on this labor of love. Boring personal junk aside, a new wave of updates are just around the corner. While I haven't been posting, I have been writing. I've got a backlog of chapters that I'm going to start editing in the next week or so. (Basically whenever I finish recuperating.) Part of the backlog includes a nice little surprise that I have been working one for weeks. It's series related and I _really_ think you will enjoy it because I enjoyed the hell out of writing it. More on that later.
> 
> Thanks again for being super duper patient and I hope you like the direction their story takes. As always I love comments. Tell me what you love or don't love. Another chapter should be up soon and if it isn't, feel free to reach out and poke me with a stick. A little encouragement goes a long way.:)


	41. What If...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Smut**

When I awoke from a dreamless sleep, I vaguely remembered Loki sitting by my side, convincing me to close my eyes with the promise of a magic trick. And right away I felt foolish. How could anyone be **that** gullible? _Well you **were** drunk last night._ On the bright side, he was right where he said he would be. Loki was lying on his stomach, facing me with one of his legs overlapping mine. It was odd for him to still be in bed at this hour. Most mornings Loki was up and about no later than dawn. It was well past eleven and he was still asleep. Unless he was sick or especially exhausted, Loki rarely deviated from this pattern. 

Whatever his reason for sleeping in, I didn’t want to disturb him. So I carefully untangled our limbs and climbed out of bed. I shuffled into the bathroom to take care of a few things, one of which included brushing my teeth to get rid of the stale taste of wine. When I returned, I noticed a glass of water on my nightstand. Under the glass was a note that read, ‘For when you make the sun rise.’ _Why is he so fucking adorable?_ Parched after my night of reckless drinking, I gulped it all down in one go. Then I snuggled back in bed with my husband. 

Despite my best efforts, my shuffling still woke him. “You tricked me.” I whispered as Loki began to fully awaken. 

He smiled, “You made it too easy.” When he spoke, his deep morning voice sent delicious tingles coursing through me. _I’ll never get tired of that… ___

__“Thank you for putting me to bed last night.”_ _

__“Did you think I would let you wonder around the house in that state? Imagine the number of broken dishes—“_ _

__“Let’s just pretend that didn’t happen, ok?”_ _

__Loki leaned over to kiss my cheek, “Oh it happened and I won’t soon forget.”_ _

__I buried my face against the pillow, “You got me drunk on purpose didn’t you?”_ _

__“Why would I do such a thing?”_ _

__“Because I was mad at you—“_ _

__“Are you still upset with me?” I felt his lips brush against my temple in yet another blatant attempt to earn my favor. That alone answered my question._ _

__“No, but I’m sure you will give me another reason to be soon enough.”_ _

__“Don’t I always?” Loki pulled me against him, until my body molded against his front in an intimate embrace. Just to see where things might go, I pressed my hips against him. At first Loki didn’t react, so I did it again, hoping to get a rise out of him. _Pun definitely intended._ He was already at half mast for the simple fact that it was morning, so it wouldn’t take much to get him up the rest of the way. _ _

__Then I felt his lips against the nape of my neck, leaving a trail of biting kisses along my shoulder. That was when his hand slid over my hip to urge my ass harder against his growing erection. Considering I had gone to sleep panty-less, Loki didn’t have a hard time reaching my soft bits. My body remembered better I did. The long hours felt more like minutes and I was just as needy as I’d been the previous night. The only difference was that I had been deprived for an eternity. I needed Loki to fix this nagging horniness for me ASAP._ _

__“You promised that I could have you in the morning Loki. And well…it’s morning and I’m not getting fucked yet. Color me disappointed.”_ _

__Loki didn’t appreciate being sassed. The stern reprimand that I earned was exactly what I had been looking for. He moved on top of me to show me that he was in control. In the back of my mind I still knew that he only ever had as much power as I sanctioned. All I had to do was stroke his ego or maybe a couple other things and he’d bend like a reed. It was a power I often reminded myself to use for good instead of evil. _And boy is it tempting…_ For now, I let him have his way with me. _ _

__Loki kissed me and when I touched his cheek, his hand clamped around my wrist, forcing it along with its twin against the mattress. With my hands pinned above my head, he moved lower to softly kiss the sensitive spot on my throat, the spot that never failed to get me hot and bothered. Knowing just how badly I wanted to be taken with a firm hand, Loki was only doing this to tease me. I groaned, pushing my hips against him in the hopes that that might get him to manhandle me. I hadn’t expected to feel restraints tighten around my wrists. Reflexively, I pulled against them and Loki grinned. Until this moment, I hadn’t stopped to appreciate the progress that he had made with his own seidr. I wasn’t sure if I should be excited or worried that he was getting stronger._ _

__Loki leaned closer to whisper in my ear, “Above all else, I am a man of my word.” He kept his voice was low, which sent a satisfying shiver of anticipation down my spine._ _

__With my hands bound above my head, he had the freedom to do anything he wanted. His hands slowly moved up my sides, guiding my nightshirt higher to expose my lower half. Then he began to kiss my belly. That was the precise moment I discovered how much I disliked being restrained. I wanted to run my fingers though his hair, to touch every part of him as he pleasured me or to guide him when I needed more. Now I couldn’t. All that I could do was endure his affections._ _

__Loki continued lower, trailing gentle kisses past my navel, then along the inner regions of my thighs. He was teasing me, nearing the place I so desperately wanted him to focus on, only to direct his affections elsewhere. I might not have been able to use my hands, but I still had my legs. Impatiently, I hooked one knee over his shoulder to bring him closer. Loki resisted my act of defiance. More than anything he was amused by the fact that I’d tried to outmaneuver him. “Patience my love.” He whispered, just before he pressed his mouth to mine._ _

__I managed to break our kiss, “I was patient. Now give me what you promised me.”_ _

__With that, Loki pressed his lips to my soft puffy ones and I collapsed against the bed, allowing myself to enjoy this small victory. His tongue was relentless, flicking and rasping against the engorged bud until I was a quivering mess. To the best of my ability, I urged my sex onto his mouth, so that he would have no choice but to consume even more of me. Per usual, Loki easily outsmarted me. He tucked my legs into the bend of his elbow to deprive me of the leverage I needed in order to force myself against him. At first I was disappointed, although that was short lived. Loki quickly resumed, devouring me as though I were a delicious fruit. And that was my undoing._ _

__I began to tremble as my orgasm built faster than I could resist. Then in a single moment, I was falling over the edge in sweet ecstasy. My body tightened and I writhed beneath him, gasping and moaning with every shuddering wave of my climax. Loki hummed with satisfaction. The baritone in his voice vibrated against my tender parts, adding to the already unbearable stimulation. Before I had the opportunity to catch my breath, the bonds around my wrists vanished. Loki moved up my body, planting tender pecks along the way until his mouth fastened to mine. He kissed me so deeply that I could taste myself and his intensity betrayed his own need; the insatiable hunger that spawned anew each morning._ _

__Without warning I was being turned onto my front. Because I was eager to please, I allowed him to position me on all fours. His fist clenched in my hair, tugging just hard enough for the soreness to spread across my scalp. It was uncomfortable and at the same time I didn’t want him to stop. The same way that pleasure built me up towards my climax, this too inspired the clenching tightness deep in my core. I felt Loki shifting behind me and his cock brushed against my ass. Maybe it was intentional, maybe it was an accident, in the end it made no difference to me. I pushed against him, impatient to have him buried inside of me._ _

__After that little maneuver, I found myself facedown on the mattress. This was exactly what I wanted. _No, this was what I **needed**._ Loki nudged my legs farther apart, lazily allowing the head of his manhood to glide into my slick entrance. One hand held a fist full of my hair and the other was at the curve of my spine, guiding me towards his cock. When he thrust into me, my breath caught in my throat. I forced my eyes closed as the fullness and depth overwhelmed me. I tried to move against him and all that did was earn another forceful tug on my hair. Only after I whimpered in surrender did Loki finally begin to pick up the pace. _ _

__From this vulnerable position, all I could do was clench my fists into the sheets and take all that he gave. In between pathetic gasps of ecstasy, I choked out his name. It was more for his benefit than my own, considering he absolutely loved it when I did that. I knew that I’d really gotten to him when I felt Loki squeeze my ass. I’d be sitting gingerly for the better part of a week after this, but I didn’t care. This was worth every unintentional bruise and then some._ _

__I fought to brace myself against his relentless pace and somehow I managed to find a bit of stability. With my free hand, I reached between my legs to massage myself to completion and the closer I got to my climax the more deliberate his moves became. Then it happened. My body was exploding, clenching and pulsing around him as wave after wave of pleasure flooded my bloodstream._ _

__Loki’s hoarse groans sank into my core and even after he spilled his seed, he continued to thrust into me. I struggled against him, doing my best to escape another shattering orgasm. Although the continuous friction pushed me over the edge, torturing my over stimulated womanhood with another bittersweet climax. Sensing this, Loki didn’t carelessly continue on for seconds. For mercy’s sake, he let my body rest. Loki gently dislodged himself before settling onto the bed next me. My neck was sore and my scalp was throbbing. Surely I’d hate myself for this tomorrow but right now, I didn’t regret a single thing._ _

__Loki gathered me into his arms and I let him. He kissed my forehead, lazily stroking his knuckles over the curve of my hip. _Everyday should start like this._ Eventually I found the motivation to get cleaned up, only to return to my place beside him. I lay there; content to indulge in quiet conversation or to take my chances with the occasional smooch in the hopes that it would be enough to sate me. Of course it never was. With no legitimate reason to leave this bed, Loki made love to me twice more. And this was how we spent the majority of our day. _ _

__Later in the afternoon, once we’d tired ourselves out, Loki suggested that we get some fresh air. I agreed and after we pieced together what that could pass for a picnic lunch, we set out on a leisurely stroll to find a nice spot to string up our hammock. After walking for a while we found a shady patch beneath a few trees. Sunlight snuck through the leaves and when the wind blew they rustled overhead, beautifully scattering the rays with dancing shadows._ _

__This was just like old times. We’d fallen into a familiar rhythm, one that we’d forged when our lives merged all those years ago. I remembered warm summer picnics under the twin suns, chocolate custard and the smell of old books that clinging to us like perfume. I began to wonder if that had always been his life, the casual loneliness he effortlessly navigated when I’d stumbled into his world. Loki had been set in his ways by the time I’d met him, so it was safe to assume that he’d traveled the same worn path for some time before me._ _

__I turned my head to look at him. Even though his eyes were closed, he wasn’t asleep. “What were you like when you were younger?”_ _

__“Define younger.”_ _

__“Adolescent? Very young adult?” I clarified._ _

__“A mischievous little shit—“_ _

__I gently combed my fingers through his hair, “Depending on who you ask, the same holds true to this day. I want to know more than that…”_ _

__Loki finally opened his eyes, “Why?”_ _

__“Because I just wondered what it would’ve been like to meet you sooner—“_ _

__“The Norns knew better than to bring us together a day earlier. Asgard would have burned to the ground if we had met as children.”_ _

__I giggled, “No it wouldn’t. I think I would have been your voice of reason.”_ _

__“Says the woman who suggested that I usurp the throne in the first place.” Loki mentioned, a bit dismissively._ _

__“Do you think we would have been friends?”_ _

__“It’s hard to say. You aren’t exactly the type of woman I would have shared my time with.” Loki confessed._ _

__“Meaning?”_ _

__“For one, you are far beneath my station. Had you not stirred hostilities with the subjects, our paths would not have crossed all that often. Later in my youth…women of your standing typically served a singular purpose—“_ _

__“Let me guess, sex?”_ _

__“Yes, however you aren’t the type that would have given me my way without persuasion. Even with my silver tongue, I would not have had the patience to seduce you. You would not have had patience for me either.”_ _

__“I might’ve. I didn’t think I’d fall for you this time and look what happened.” Loki let me sneak a kiss. “Besides, younger me would have melted all over herself if she had gotten anyone’s attention, never mind someone like you. I would have had a _huge_ crush Loki.”_ _

__“All the more reason we shouldn’t have met. I would not have cherished you as I do now. I would have hurt you, cast you aside, or subjected you to something equally undignified. You’re worth much more to me now that you ever could have been in those days.”_ _

__“Hurt me how?”_ _

__Loki chuckled, “Perhaps not physically, but emotionally you would have found me to be…vexing. You would have been a conquest and nothing more. I would have you reassigned from whatever post you held in the palace to become my personal servant or whatever title gave me the greatest access to you—“_ _

__“You had authority do that?”_ _

__“Of course! Have you already forgotten that I was once a prince?” Loki mentioned with an air of sarcasm._ _

__“You’re still my prince.”_ _

__He didn’t seem interested in entertaining that comment and moved past it without acknowledging it. “I would call upon you whenever the urge struck me. And I would expect you to submit to me, whenever and however I pleased—“_ _

__“How is that different than what we actually did? Because I remember quite a few nights where you tried to do just that. I didn’t put up with it, but you still gave it a shot.” I chuckled._ _

__“I cared for you, even if I was reluctant to admit it.” That was all he would say and yet I understood how that would’ve made all the difference. During the month before our wedding, when we had taken a break from each other, Loki had turned into a total stranger. If _that_ had been the man that I’d initially met, I would’ve though I was insane for being in love with him too. _Well, more insane than you already were._ _ _

__“So when you weren’t fucking me, how would it go?”_ _

__“When wouldn’t I be fucking you?” Loki laughed._ _

__“Ha. Ha. I guess if you’re this insatiable now, I wouldn’t know what to do with you back then. Besides being a total horndog, what was Loki like while he still growing into these cheekbones?”_ _

__That seemed to require some more thought. “Quiet and inexperienced. I am very much the same as I was then, a private person.” Loki mentioned. If I wasn’t mistaken, he almost seemed ashamed of who he used to be._ _

__“I might not have known you in those days, but you’ve changed a lot in the short time that I _have_ shared with you. All for the better too...” I took his hand and that seemed to help lift his spirits. “I bet if you’d known me back then you wouldn’t have had any problems with being so reserved.”_ _

__“I would like to think so.” Although I could tell that Loki wasn’t wholly convince that that would’ve been the case._ _

__“I’m sure of it. You look like you had a sweet baby face. I would’ve cuddled with you all day if you had let me.” I grinned._ _

__“Mother commissioned several portraits when we were children. There weren’t any left on display at the time you arrived, save for the one she kept in her receiving room.” Loki reflected._ _

__“Was it the one by the mantle?” He nodded. “I remember that painting. You looked so innocent.”_ _

__He smirked, “Looks are deceiving.”_ _

__“Especially where you’re concerned. So if I had somehow landed in the woods and you had found me when you were that age _and_ I’d been ten years younger, what would’ve happened then?” _ _

__“I wouldn’t have been allowed that far from the palace without an escort, let alone permitted to aimlessly wonder the woods—“_ _

__“I have a feeling you went anyway.”_ _

__“I did. Frequently, I might add.”_ _

__“To do what exactly?”_ _

__“How do you think I found the hot springs?”_ _

__“I thought everyone knew about them.”_ _

__“No. I never took anyone there, no one except you.” Loki confessed._ _

__“Why? I can see you now, seducing the young ladies and taking them to your secret hide away for sexy times. That would’ve been the epitome of romantic.”_ _

__“So that they could spitefully share my secret once I was finished with them? I knew better than to trust anyone.”_ _

__“You trusted me.” I mentioned, more to myself than to Loki._ _

__“Yes. And you’re the only woman I’ve ever trusted.” He admitted._ _

__“I’m sure you’ve trusted _one_ other woman…” And the warning side-glance that followed told me not to push my luck if I knew what was good for me. Still, I knew my husband. He’d trusted Frigga once upon a time, even if he wouldn’t admit to it. I was willing to bet he still trusted her to this day. Although getting him to admit to _that_ was even less likely._ _

__“So what would’ve happened if you’d found me as a boy?”_ _

__Loki hesitated, “It’s hard to say, Ele. Frigga never would’ve allowed anyone to abandon a child. At that age you would have been too old for her to claim as her own, which, eliminates the possibility of you becoming a part of my immediate family. Although I’m certain the idea would have crossed her mind. It wouldn’t have been the first time she’d raised another’s child. She always wanted a daughter…” Loki paused, his mind wondering astray for a moment before he could refocus. “One of her ladies might have raised you and when you were of age, you would likely become a close confidant. There are only so many places you could have landed within the palace. You haven’t the temperament for domestic servitude or the skill to be trusted with the food. That just leaves nobility and with your patience…even that would’ve been a challenge.”_ _

__“I remember what it was like. Maybe it would have been different if I had been brought up that way. You can’t go by the twenty-something version of me, the person who was thrown into a new realm without warning. Old dog, new tricks—“_ _

__“I did it for you.” Loki added._ _

__I kissed his forehead, “Yes, you did. You still have your moments, but…I’ll give credit where credit is due. This old dog managed to learn a few new tricks.” Once again Loki settled in my arms, ready to abandon our conversation. “I promise I’ll shut up in a second but…I just really want to know. Do you think we would’ve been friends?”_ _

__Loki sighed, his eyes questioning why this was so important to me. “Had you been her lady’s charge, I imagine the two of us _could_ have been friends. Although the elders would have been wise enough to keep us apart. If left to our own devices, we would have caused enough mayhem to level the palace even as children.” I noticed the hint of a smirk in his expression and that was enough for me._ _

__I smiled, “That never would have worked, would it? You and I always find each other in the end.”_ _

__“Yes…we do.” This time his expression fell. His mind was wondering again, back to the dark places he avoided whenever he could help it. With that, I pulled his arm over me to distract him with my affection. Loki leaned into my embrace, finding some comfort in our proximity. Rather than force him to say or do anything more than this I followed his lead. I closed my eyes to enjoy the quiet spring evening._ _

__To be continued…_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It does absolutely nothing for the plot, but I really wanted to write some more sexy times. Sorry not sorry. 
> 
> Remember when I said I was working on a surprise? Well here goes! If you were curious about what it would have been like for Loki and Ele to have met as kids/teenagers/consenting young adults, you're in luck! I've written a few chapters for a side story that will be all about that. It's called Midnight Mischief and the first chapter will go up sometime today or tomorrow. There will be shenanigans, awkward romance, and a huge dose of mischief. _Obviously._ It's not going to be a full length work like Dark Horse or Always Mine, but I will try to make it as substantive as possible. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! The next chapter(s) will be up soon.


	42. Misery Loves Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and **Smut**

After hours of deep concentration and failed attempts, the spoon appeared in my hand. It snapped into this dimension from the next. “Loki! I did it!” Before he could manage to respond, I recalled the utensil from the micro-dimension once more, just to prove to myself that I had actually done it. “I did the it again! Did you see! Were you watching?” I leapt into his arms in excitement.

Driven off balance, Loki teetered backward until we both landed on the floor. “Yes, I was watching. You have just become my favorite student.” He kissed my forehead.

“Funny, I’m your only student and if you were actually my teacher…this whole relationship would be an absolute no-no.” I gave him a slow once over, toying with the idea of Loki as a real deal professor. “Hmmm…Professor Loki? That could grow on me.” 

“I lack the patience for instruction.” He admitted. 

“Surprisingly, I’ve gathered that on my own. It takes a very special kind of student to put up with you. No one else would ever learn a thing in your class. If they didn’t hate your guts, they would spend the whole lecture fantasizing about you. Neither of which lend themselves to great note-taking.” 

“The loathing you could tolerate. It is the lusting that would drive you mad.”

“That sounds about right. I can’t stomach the thought of sharing you with anyone, not even in their daydreams.” I rubbed my nose against his and he took it upon himself to steal another quick kiss. ”You belong to me, forever and ever.” Loki let me snuggle with him for a few minutes and I gladly took advantage of his affectionate mood. 

Following this breakthrough, I didn’t have a problem with ending my lesson here for the day. We each had a host of chores to get through before tonight anyway. Loki intended to make the most of every minute, while I didn’t mind tackling things at a more relaxed pace. For the rest of the afternoon, I pranced around the house, offering Loki my spoon at inappropriate times. Yes, I was being silly, but I was just so excited to finally have accomplished something I’d been working towards for months. For the most part Loki put up with me, the way that he always did. Even if he’d never admit it, I think he secretly enjoyed my foolishness.

After completing a few repairs around the house, Loki helped me give Kat a bath, a task that should have been a one-person job. _But isn’t…_ Soon after undertaking the task, Loki and I were covered in more suds than she was. He kept her in the bucket, while I tried to rinse and lather, something that was way easier said than done. Just as I managed to finish a final rinse, Kat escaped and the first thing she did was wallow in the grass.

I watched helplessly and all I could do was sigh in defeat, “And now she’s dirty again.”

“At least she doesn’t stink anymore.” Loki offered as a minor consolation. Since we still had a bucket of water, we decided to give Ollie a bath too. To my surprise, Loki volunteered to handle the puppy on his own. Ollie had a blast splashing around in his miniature swimming pool. It was shocking to see that Loki had actually bonded with him, even if he was reluctant to admit that as well. He pretended to be a heartless monster, but not all that deep down Loki was compassionate and easily swayed by cute things. 

Ollie squirmed in his hand, too eager to snap at the bubbles to be worried about keeping his head above water. Then the overzealous little squirt plopped into the water and sank until Loki scooped him out and into a waiting towel. “Careful. We wouldn’t want you getting lost under there now would we?” Loki whispered as he brought Ollie close to towel dry. 

Meanwhile I lingered nearby, watching the two of them interact. For the first time in a long time, I really allowed myself to imagine how he might be with one of our own. The way Loki spoke to him was gentle and almost silly. He handled Ollie with affection, the kind of tenderness one would reserve for a child. Being a good pet parent and good a real parent obviously weren’t close to being the same thing, however there were a few important overlaps. I didn’t let myself linger on the notion for very long, although this heartwarming scene stayed with me long after I turned away. 

While Loki finished bathing Ollie, I cleaned up the rest of the patio. Once he wrangled Kat and secured both dogs in the house, Loki joined me upstairs for our shower. We stood beneath the hot stream of water, sharing a simple intimacy. Quiet moments like these reminded me of why all of _this_ worked for us. No matter how the circumstances or scenery changed, we were still partners in ever sense of the word. After we dried off, the two of us lay across our bed to relax for a little while. The fan overhead filled the silence, stirring the air with its gentle breeze. Loki rested his head in my lap and I began to run my fingers through his shoulder-length hair. “When the hell is your birthday?”

“I don’t celebrate it annually if that is what you were thinking.”

“Is it like a bicentennial thing? If I’ve missed one because you didn’t say something, I’m going to be really pissed off.“

“You did. It was last Wednesday—“

“Loki?!”

He laughed at me, “I’m only jesting. I don’t know the exact date of my birth and I never will. That knowledge was lost the day Jotunheim burned. More importantly, timekeeping varies from realm to realm…”

“Have you ever celebrated your birthday before?” 

Loki shrugged, “I always did my best to avoid doing so—“

“Then why do you always make a fuss about me not celebrating mine?”

“I want you to have fond memories of your formative years. Our lives will be long and in time you may have regrets. I don’t want to be one of them.”

For a moment all I could do was stare at him, “You’re too good to me sometimes, you know that?”

“Yes, you are spoiled and I accept full responsibility.”

“In that case, I’m going to set a date and surprise you. I’ll bake you a cake, put a few trick candles on top, and sing for you—“

“I was willing to endure your baking, now you’re singing? You are asking for far too much. One person cannot suffer both at once. Surely _that_ would constitute cruel and unusual punishment.” He groaned. 

“Loki, stop being so dramatic. I can make a simple cake! And for you’re information, my singing is—“

“Horrendous?”

“Oh, you’re so sweet. My singing is not that bad.”

“It is unbearable.”

“That’s your opinion. I’m still going to surprise you. We’ll have a party for two. Kat and Ollie can come if they like. Although, I have a feeling they’re not going to want to be anywhere nearby once you start unwrapping your presents though.” I smirked.

“Trust me, the moment you begin sing they will disinvite themselves.”

“That’s mighty big talk for someone who can only get two dogs and their wife to come to their birthday party.” 

“The party you insisted on hosting.” He corrected. “What are you going to get me?” 

“I’m not telling you. You’ll find out when it’s your birthday. That might be today, tomorrow or next month.” I began to toy with a lock of his hair. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

“For your sake, I will pretend to be excited. You have always been terrible at keeping secrets. The look in your eyes gives you away.” 

I smiled defiantly, “Challenge accepted.” 

Later that evening, I found myself adding the final touches in advance of our dinner guests. Loki and I had been going back and forth about tonight’s get together all week. I’d convinced him to go along with my plans on the condition that we wouldn’t have them over again for another month. Little did he know, I had already arranged a doggie playdate with Meg’s new pooch for next weekend. While he wasn’t looking forward to tonight the way I was, he wasn’t blatantly obstructing my attempt at having a social life either. _So I guess I should be grateful for that…_

Just as I was about to sneak outside, the doorbell rang. When I reached the foyer to greet them, they stood on the porch with gift-wrapped bottles of what I assumed to be wine. “We come bearing gifts.” Meg cheered as hurried inside. 

“Two actually.” Devin added as he gestured to the other bottle. 

“Thanks. This will go perfect with dinner.” 

“This place is gorgeous! I need a tour before we do anything else.” Meg enthused. 

“Absolutely. Let me tell Loki that you’re here—“

“Was that him out back with the horse?” She asked, having followed me into the kitchen to put the bottles of wine in the fridge. 

“Sure was.”

“Wow. I didn’t even recognize him with so much hair. He looks so different.”

“Really? I can’t tell anymore. That’s how he looked when we first met.” I shrugged. 

Meg turned to her husband, “Why don’t you go see if Loki needs a hand? We can handle all this here.” she shooed him towards the backdoor and I laughed to myself. The last thing Loki wanted right now was company. Just as Devin disappeared out the backdoor, I heard Kat and Ollie running over to say hello. “His parents board horses for a living. He worked with his dad a lot growing up. ”

“That’s perfect. Now I’ll have an excuse to invite you two over more often.” I laughed. _Loki will **not** be happy about that._

She laughed. “Oh you won’t have to worry about that because we’re moving in. Come show me to my room.” 

“I doubt you could tolerate us for more than a few hours.” I joked. _Loki especially…_ Even though our little abode wasn’t all that grand, the few personalized touches we had added made all the difference and for once I was proud of the home that we’d created. Meg quietly took it all in, following me around as I gave a brief tour. As we rounded the banister in the upstairs hallway, she stopped by our magic studio, curious about the room that I had had every intention of glossing over.

“What’s this room here?” 

“That? That’s where the magic happens.” I smiled. Meg’s expression shifted in amusement. “Just kidding, we meditate in there.” 

“Can I take a peak? Or is meditate code for something kinky?” 

“No. It’s nothing like that. It isn’t much to look at.” Meg pushed open the door, curious to see for herself. Just as I’d expected, the darkened room left her looking very underwhelmed.

“You never told me you were into meditation.”

“We’ve only been working on it for a little while. Loki and I try to squeeze in a couple hours each day.” 

“A couple hours? It must be nice having that much time together. And assigning a room for it is true dedication. I almost envy you—“

“You wouldn’t if you knew what we had to go through to get to where we are right now.” I mentioned as I leaned against the railing. In a few weeks it would be the seventh anniversary of the day that I disappeared. And seven long years since the very first time I laid eyes on Loki. Time seemed to move faster with each passing month and now the years began to breeze past like the days of the week. Loki said that would start to happen, I just had no idea it would be this soon. 

Meg didn’t seem to believe me. “I doubt that.” 

“You and Devin are worth envying. You’ve been lucky…you’ve had it easy. A year ago we were crammed into my tiny apartment. I was working two jobs to make ends meet, and going through a ton of personal shit. Loki was out of work and in between couches when we found each other. Before that…we were both in the lowest places you could ever imagine. We do the best we can with the hand that we’re dealt. Lemons to lemonade.”

“Some people go their whole lives without finding someone to make lemonade with. And even then they can’t always say that they’ve made it work as well you have. That in itself is worth envying, don’t you think?”

“You know that I’m not going to comment on that.” 

“Right…because you’re the humble one. Sometimes it’s good to brag a little when you can. If what you say is true, then you’ve more than earned that right.” 

I shook my head, “The universe has ears. The second you start to brag is when it takes everything back.”

“Bad things happen to good people for no good reason. So if you can’t stop it, why let them take away from the little nuggets of joy in between?”

I shrugged, “Maybe. I’ve just had enough let downs to serve a few lifetimes. I’d rather not bring it on myself, you know?”

“You won’t. So, I’ve seen every inch of this beautiful home of yours…and forgive me if I’m overstepping any boundaries but…when does he plan to put a ring on your finger? You two are already living the married life. I know you’re not really into making a big deal about the actual ceremony, so I’d understand if you don’t want a huge flashy ring. Don’t you want something? You two are still planning to tie the knot right?”

My mind wondered back to the wedding ring I left behind when I had been banished. I wondered what had happened to it. Truth be told, I didn’t want another one. The one that I had was irreplaceable and nothing could ever look half as beautiful on my hand. It was taken from me, like everything else I’d held near and dear. Maybe it was scrapped for materials or simply tossed aside and forgotten. I liked to think it was safe somewhere, waiting to be found and returned to its rightful owner one day. _Wishful thinking isn’t going do you any favors_. 

“Of course we’re still getting married.” 

Meg looked confused. “You just don’t want a ring?”

“Not really.” I chuckled, “I guess you can tell I’m a bit unconventional huh?”

“A bit?” She sighed, almost appearing to be disappointed for me. “Well you wouldn’t be _you_ if you weren’t a little odd.”

“Exactly.”

“While we’re still kind of on the subject, are you ever going spill the beans? You said you were married once before. What happened?”

“Yeah…I was. That was actually when Loki and I first got together—“

Meg looked surprised, “Wait, what? You two **just** go engaged…”

“Yeah. It’s a long story—“

“And I’ve got all evening for this.” 

“Ok, the short version then. I was studying abroad, we got married and things didn’t work out. His father had it annulled and we spent a long time apart. Family issues got in the way, there was time served…and it was a big painful mess. A mess that I’d rather not get into today.” She watched me with a perplexed stare. I could almost hear her begging me to tell her more, but she respected my wishes and left it at that. Just as I was about to start down the stairs, I remembered something. “Oh! Did you bring the—“

“Sure did. Your secrets safe with me.” Meg reached in her purse for the things I’d asked her to pick up on her way over. 

“You’re a lifesaver. It’s just that whenever I’m here, he has the car and if I go out he’s usually right there beside me. It’s just a hassle to—“

She stopped me, “No need to explain. We’ve all been there.” 

I cringed, “Some of us more than others.”

“One of these days it’s going to catch up with you.“ Meg warned.

“I know.” I quickly tucked the paper bag behind some of the pipes in the laundry room. Loki rarely washed his own cloths, so I was confident that he wouldn’t be temped to tamper with anything. Just as we reached the bottom of the stairs, I saw him coming down the hall. _Speak of the devil…_ If I wasn’t mistaken, the beginnings of a tan had started to shade his cheeks. _You sir, look almost good enough to eat_. I smiled as he tried to slip past us, “Is everything ok out there?” Meg continued on into the kitchen to give us a moment of privacy.

“Yes. As a matter of fact, I believe I may have found myself a stable hand.”

I chuckled, “Of course you did. I guess that means you’ll put up with them being around more often if you’re getting something out of it?”

“That remains to be seen—“

“Just don’t make it obvious? It’s more than a little shitty to openly use people.”

Loki sighed as if asking him to be a decent person was requesting a lot of him. “You have my word.” With that he started up the stairs and I grabbed his hand before he got too far out of reach. 

“I like this look on you.”

“What look?”

“This one.” I gestured to all of him, “It suits you.” Loki hadn’t shaven in at least a week and his beard was coming in nicely. I remembered feeling differently about it the first time he’d let it happen. This time, I found that I liked it more than anticipated. 

Gently gripping his chin, I pulled Loki lower to kiss him. He didn’t hesitate to lean closer until I was wedged between his body and the wall. My knees went weak when his fingers curled near the nape of my neck to hold my lips against his. In an instant I was damn near breathless and his impatient arousal matched my own. I could feel his desire in the way he touched me, it was urgent and passionate, as if he couldn’t get enough. If we didn’t have guests over, I would’ve torn his cloths off of him right then and there. I even considered dragging him into the laundry room for a quickie, just to scratch this _itch._ However, reason told me that there was no way we could disappear for a few minutes without the pair of them noticing. We’d just have wait until tonight. The only problem was that I _really_ didn’t want to. 

Just when I was a devolving into even more of a hot and bothered mess, Loki pulled away. And like the flip of a switch, he lost all interest in me. “Go attend to your guests. I will join you after I change.” With that Loki continued up to the bedroom. It was only then that his true intentions dawned on me. He meant to get me worked up, just so that he could leave me with this frustration. This was his way of ensuring that his misery had company. While he counted the seconds until we could rid our home of visitors, I would be looking forward to our solitude for another reason. _You just can’t let me enjoy myself can you?_

Mentally I fought to squelch the arousal that gathered between my legs. While I waited for Loki to return, Meg and I began to prepare the food. “I wanted to run something past you. My sister-in-law rents out a different vacation home every summer. Usually it’s a few of her friends, and the two of us. Two of the folks that usually come along had to back out last minute and we need another couple to fill out the rental. Interested?”

“I’d have to check with Loki first. It’s already enough of a challenge convincing him to put up with people in our house for a few hours.” I laughed. _You don’t want to see him when he’s being forced to socialize **somewhere else**._ “What’s this year’s destination?”

“Well it’s a good distance away—“

Now I looked up from our work, “Where?”

Meg cringed, “Vegas.”

“You already know the answer to that.” I stated as I skewered the meat on the kebab stick.

“I’ve already looked into that. We could take a bus—“

“Across the country? How long would that even take? Meg, I really appreciate you thinking of us, but you know I don’t fly. I wouldn’t want you to waste three days on a cramped bus with me and Loki—and gods help us with Loki. He wouldn’t last ten minutes. And do you know how hot it gets in Vegas!? Loki would murder everyone.” I glanced over my shoulder to make sure that he wasn’t in earshot. “You don’t want to be around him when he’s miserable. He’s worse than a child.”

“Are you sure? Devin could get you some sedatives and there will be AC everywhere that we go?”

I eyed her for a long moment, biting my tongue before I snapped at her for suggesting something so ridiculous. Then I stopped for a moment to think it over. There had to be an underlying reason for her persistence, “What’s this really about?”

“If we don’t fill the spot, she will. They’ve already floated the idea of bringing this other couple along. I _can’t_ stand them. So I thought that if you two came we could just split up from the main group and have our own vacation. Also…it’s too late to get our deposit back. That’s almost everything we’ve saved for our vacation this year. I just would’ve liked to enjoy it.” She mentioned with a sigh. 

“Maybe they won’t come?”

“Maybe. Don’t worry about it. Since it’s so far away, I knew going into it that it was a bit of a long shot. It just never hurts to ask though.”

Not knowing what else to say, I offered a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t be more helpful.” That was about the time that Loki came down the stairs to join us. When he entered the kitchen, he wrapped his arms around me to sneak a kiss on the base of my neck. 

Meg laughed, “You guys are way too cute for your own good.” 

Meanwhile, my body was in flames. Loki knew exactly what he was doing and looking cute had absolutely nothing to do with it. He hated any form of PDA, so all of this touchy feely nonsense was intended to make this worse for me. “Are you almost done?” He asked, whispering against the shell of my ear.

Before I could speak, I had to collect myself. “Yup. We only have a few more and then you can throw these on the grill.”

“Good. Don’t take much longer. I’m famished.” He pulled away and just before I was completely out of reach, he squeezed my ass. I tried to downplay my reaction, but there was no hiding the way that I flinched. 

“Are you going to be ok? Do you need some ice water? Maybe a cold shower?” Meg teased. 

I took several slow deep breaths, “This man is going to be the death of me.” With that I dug deep to find some discipline and we finished preparing the kebabs. By the time we joined our spouses outside, the grill was hot and ready to go. _Kind of like me. No. Get yourself together!_

On an unrelated note, Devin and Loki were getting along a lot better than usual. Sometimes it felt like we’d dragged them into this and they were here under protest. _Loki especially._ Nevertheless, I was still happy to see him socializing. _Even if it was only for personal gain…_ I tuned out after they started talking about their work. Devin was a nurse and there weren’t many things I hated more than hospitals. For once Loki’s fascination, turned borderline obsession, with Midgardian medicine came in handy. Now he had found another avenue of exploit with Devin. With them occupied by the grill, Meg and I were content to entertain ourselves in the shade. 

In an effort to regain some semblance of control over the situation, I got to work on the margaritas. I made sure to skip the tequila in my own and triple up on it in Loki’s. Any less and he wouldn’t get anything out of it. For a while, that seemed to help him, not that it did very much for me. Each “accidental” brush or delicious bit of contact was met with a torrent of pent up lust and sexual frustration that I couldn’t escape. I’d been struggling to keep my hands to myself ever since he’d kissed me in the hall and Loki was all too aware of this. Now that I was on his lap, I was touching every piece of him that I craved yet could not have. 

He wrapped his arms around my midsection so that I could lean against him, which I did, though not without suffering the consequences. I felt indecent doing this with an audience. From their perspective, I’m sure that nothing looked amiss and if it did they were either polite enough to keep it to themselves or they simply chose not to care. For the sake of our evening, I tried to stay focused on conversation. Yet in the back of my mind, I was already undressing him. I wanted them to get the hell out of my house so that I could settle the score with Loki.

By the end of the night, we were gathered in front of the TV to watch some movie that they had brought along with them. Meg and her husband had one sofa, while we had the other. I leaned against him, unable to deny myself that tiny indulgence. The last thing I wanted was to embarrass myself. We weren’t reckless teenagers, but in my current state I was just as horny as one. 

I shifted a little, tugging the blanket over my shoulder and that was when I noticed the placement of his hand. Loki’s hand rested on my hip, not high enough to be innocent and not quite low enough to be entirely suspicious. For a moment I doubted his intentions, so I adjusted myself in a way that moved his hand farther up my side. And in response, Loki moved lower, **much** lower. This time his fingertips nudged under the waistband of my shorts. _That clears things up._

In my periphery, I tried to glance at his expression. Contrary to my expectations, Loki looked as focused as ever on the movie, giving no indication what so ever that his hand was steadily moving further south. Without missing a beat he edged past the hem of my panties until he was fully cupping my womanhood. I swallowed as discretely as I could, too desperate to have him sate this gnawing ache with his touch. I had been trapped in this unpleasant state for hours and I desperately needed him to touch me. And Loki knew this. Without any hesitation, his fingers parted my tender flesh to massage my clit. 

His motions were slow, providing just enough pressure to work me towards orgasm while still discrete enough that our guests wouldn’t notice. Staying quiet was the real challenge. The longer he kept at it, the heavier my breathing threatened to become. Soon I began to crave a firmer touch, so I placed my hand over his, pleading without words for him to rub harder. And with every painfully slow circle of his fingers, I was inching closer to my climax. I guess from his perspective I wasn’t suffering enough, so he kissed my temple, nuzzling his face against mine. 

At this point I was trembling, fighting my own arousal with every thing I had to give. All it would take was for one little impassioned sigh to slip free and then we’d be discovered. That was a new level of humiliation I don’t think I could ever live down. So I bit my lip, hard enough that I could almost taste blood. When I climaxed, it was intense, thanks to the endless hours of unwanted foreplay no doubt, but I did not enjoy it. Every second of this was delicious torture. I buried my face against his chest to silence the barely audible breaths I sucked in. Thankfully Meg and Devin remained oblivious to what was happening across the room. 

When I finally did gather the courage to look up at him, he wore a sly smirk. Loki knew exactly what he’d done to me and he was proud of it too. Just when I though he’d run out of surprises, Loki had outdone himself once again. I’d never gotten off in a room with other people before. It wasn’t something I wanted make a habit of, although it wouldn’t exactly be the worst thing we’d ever done for a cheap thrill. And at the same time, a quieter part of me objected to being manipulated so easily. 

As much of a relief as this should have been, it only made me want him more. The instant they were on the other side of our front door, I wanted Loki to fuck me up against whatever vertical surface we came across first. I suppose that was what he’d wanted all along. 

To my chagrin, the rest of the movie labored on. I couldn’t even pretend to be enjoying it anymore. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to throw myself at him. And Loki didn’t make things any easier for me. Every now and again he would caress my arm to remind me that I still couldn’t have him. Or he’d kiss my temple just to tease me with the promise of affection. 

Finally, after another hour of this misery, the end credits began to roll. I noticed Meg checking the time, “Geeze! Is it eleven-thirty already?” 

“Time flies when you’re in good company.” Devin mentioned. _Not fast enough if you ask me…_

“How far past bedtime have we kept you out?” I laughed. 

“If I’m being honest… _maybe_ three hours. I’m such an old lady.”

“Eleanor isn’t much different. This woman would stay in bed all day if she could.” Loki interjected, wearing another smug grin. 

I yanked a lock of his hair, “I like to nap. Sue me.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with naps. I take ‘em whenever I can get ‘em.” Meg added. At least she was taking my side. Finally, she started to gather their used dishes, taking them over to the kitchen while I did the same. “Do you need help washing—“

“No, don’t worry about it. We’re just going to load the dishwasher before we go upstairs for the night.”

“Ok. Don’t say I didn’t offer.”

“Really, it’s no trouble at all.” 

“I hate that we have to go so soon. We need to take Charlie out; he’s been in the house all evening. Hopefully he hasn’t left puddles all over the floor.” Meg laughed.

“He’ll get the hang of the housebreaking thing soon, I promise.” I started to walk with them to the door. 

“Thanks for finally hosting us. It was a blast and I _love_ your house. We will be back as soon as you’ll have us.” 

“You’re always welcome. Drive home safely.” I stood in the doorway, watching as they walked to their car. Once they found their way through the darkness, I waved one last time before turning my back. _Finally!_ I didn’t want to waste anymore time. The second I closed the front door; I went straight for Loki. He was busy tidying up the kitchen when I cornered him by the sink. I waited to see if he would even acknowledge his actions. Then after a while, I realized that he had no intentions of admitting fault here. “Are you proud of yourself? You ruined my whole evening.”

Loki finally turned to me and when he did his eyes reignited the twisting arousal that had tormented me all night. “Ruined? I am certain that you enjoyed yourself.” 

“I didn’t have a choice.” I managed to say. 

Loki stalked closer and I took several steps back, “No. I don’t accept that. You had a choice and you _chose_ to enjoy it. You even begged me for more.” He whispered. With nowhere left to go I collided with the island, pinned between Loki and the countertop. I froze, watching helplessly as he bent lower to kiss me. Every bit of restraint that I’d held onto for these past few hours evaporated in an instant. I met his kisses with unvarnished desperation; I needed this more than I needed to breathe. Without thinking, I started unzipping his shorts, shoving them down his narrow hips until they gathered around his ankles. Loki was even more efficient at getting me out of my bottoms, vanishing them with little more than a thought. We were both focused on one thing and one thing only, getting his cock inside me as fast as possible. 

He lifted me onto the countertop, impatiently searching for my entrance. Loki had to get on his toes a bit to align our bodies and once he did, he pushed into me. I could feel that he was as desperate for relief as I was. After torturing me all evening, apparently some of his efforts had backfired. I tightened my legs around him, meeting each and every thrust with mirrored enthusiasm. Loki kissed my neck and I closed my eyes, allowing myself to savor the toe-curling eroticism.

In between our animalistic rutting, he lifted my chin, “Look at me.” Loki wanted to watch the satisfaction move through my expression, to vicariously experience the pleasure that he gave me. The moment that I looked up, another orgasm swept through me. This time I didn’t have to swallow my cries; I simply gave in to the incoherent expressions. Loki held my hips steady, so that I was forced to accept every jarring hitch of his hips, down to the very last clenching spasm of my womanhood. Afterwards, he held me close, tenderly caressing my cheek as I caught my breath. 

“You’re a menace.” I breathed. 

“I will take that as a complement.” Loki kissed me again and I knew that I lacked the strength to deny him of anything he desired. I was already defeated and we had only just begun. _Dammit._

“Stop making it so hard for me to be mad at you.” In spite of my frustration, I allowed Loki to carry me upstairs. He dropped me onto the bed before kissing his way up my body. It was abundantly clear that he was far from done with me. After all was said and done, I was either going to love hating him or hate loving him even more than I already did. The worst part of this all, was that I looked forward to every second of it. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This chapter should've been up a while ago. Of course writers block hits the moment I have huge spans of uninterrupted time to actually get shit done. That's life I guess. The next chapter should be up a lot sooner, considering I procrastinated finishing this one to work on it. I hope you enjoyed this update Let me know what you think! :)


	43. Sometimes I Like Surprises

His alarm went off and the bed shifted when Loki reached over to silence it. I shied away from the disturbance, burring my head farther under the blankets. Of course this didn’t escape his notice and soon Loki nudged me until I was forced to acknowledge him. “What is it?”

“Get up. You’re going to make us both late if you lie there much longer.”

“Water main break. The building is closed. Have fun at work.” I muttered, rolling over until I was farther out of reach. Loki didn’t seem too pleased about getting ready alone this morning, not that he ever enjoyed getting ready for work to begin with. It didn’t help that he was especially tired today, although Loki only had himself to blame for that. After I’d brought the dogs in for the night, I asked him to come to bed with me. Loki obliged and we snuggled until I fell asleep, but he left again later in the night. I assume that he returned to his study. All I know for sure is that he hadn’t been back in bed for a solid two hours before his alarm started. 

Loki lumbered across the room, too fatigued to really put much pep in his step. From sound alone I was able to discern where he was in his morning routine. The jingle of his belt meant he’d finished picking his cloths for the day. Right after that, he would head into the bathroom to wash up. And sure enough, the sound of running water soon followed. Loki pushed the door together, so that the noise wouldn’t disturb me. At least he was making an effort to be considerate. 

For a while I faded in and out consciousness, keeping tabs on his whereabouts so that the occasional drawer thud or odd noise wouldn’t startle me. Not long after that, I smelled the fresh scent of his soap moving closer. Just as I’d anticipated, Loki loomed over me. When he leaned down to kiss my temple, I lifted my head so that his lips landed against mine. 

“Don’t waste the day in bed.”

“Don’t scare away all the customers with that evil mug.” 

“I am not in the habit of making promises that I can’t keep.”

I smiled up at him, “Neither am I.” 

“I should be back before five.”

“Can’t wait.” 

Loki took one last kiss and then he pulled away. I was reluctant to let him go, but I didn’t want him to be late because of me. By the time he started down the stairs, I was already falling back asleep. Even though I’d already slept in quite late, I couldn’t seem to get enough rest these days. If I wasn’t sleeping in or napping, I was daydreaming about doing both. Seemingly on cue, the moment I heard Loki drive away, a twinge of nausea swirled in my stomach. At first I tried to ignore it, thinking that it was a fluke. Although the involuntary retch that followed caught me off guard. This time I stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom, where I barely managed to aim for the toilet in time. A sobering stillness settled over me. _This feels familiar…_

After I flushed away the mess, I braced myself against the sink. This morning’s development didn’t come as much of a surprise. Towards the end of last week, I’d started feeling a bit queasy every now and again. I’d pretty much chalked it up to the questionable leftovers I’d packed for lunch on Wednesday. And now that I’d graduated to actually puking, I knew that I had to do something about this nagging suspicious. After I splashed cold water on my face, I headed down the hall to the laundry room, where I grabbed the brown paper bag from behind the pipes. 

I pulled out the pregnancy tests and tore open their boxes. Last time I had experienced an overwhelming sense of dread leading up to this moment. Right now, I felt the exact opposite. Things were much different than they were before. I was calm and whatever the results, I was sure that I’d be able to live with the outcome. In fact, I was almost hoping that we had actually succeeded. 

I tore off the plastic packaging and sat down to pee on the sticks. Once I was sure that they’d gotten a good sample, I put them aside and set a timer. Here I was for the second time, waiting for these little plastic screens to tell me if my life was about to change. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous, but there wasn’t a shadow of dread in my heart. When the timer went off, I took a few deep breaths and gathered the courage to check the readouts. _The moment of truth._ All three tests gave the same result. _**Pregnant, pregnant and pregnant.**_

Smiling to myself, I laughed to in both relief and astonishment. In all honesty I hadn’t planned for this to happen. If anything, I had been diligent to prevent it. I took my pills at the same time every single day. _Except for those few times you forgot..._ And when I wasn’t sure, Loki and I were extra careful. _Not careful enough it seems._ Despite my best efforts, his little swimmers had found a way. 

The first thing I thought to do was call Loki. I wanted him to share in my excitement, yet as I reached for my phone, I stopped myself. This wasn’t something I wanted to tell him while he was at work, when he was so far away from me. I wanted to see his face, to leap into his arms with joy when I told him I was carrying his child. So I decided to wait until he got home. In the mean time, I’d get to savor this excitement. That was something I hadn’t allowed myself the last time. I hadn’t truly enjoyed the experience before, the way that I so desperately wanted to this time around. 

I replaced the cap on one of the positive tests and tucked it into a micro-dimension for later. The rest got swept into the trash. Still reeling from this wonderful discovery, I found myself wandering around the bedroom. I was still too excited to think clearly. Then I stopped in front of the full-length mirror and I touched my tummy. I smiled because even though I didn’t look pregnant yet, I knew that there was a little piece of Loki growing inside me. Sadly, this too reminded me of the one I’d lost. It never really felt real until it was over. It was only after I learned what it was like to feel empty in my heart, that I fully appreciated the bond I had inadvertently forged with the tiny thing I’d nurtured from conception. 

To the best of my ability, I tried not to let the fear detract from my joy. I could worry about all the worst-case scenarios later. Right now and for the rest of today at the very least, I just wanted to be happy. So in my effort to stay in high spirits, I decided that I’d spend my morning pampering myself. After all, it was a freebie day off from work and I was in a great mood. I turned on some of my favorite music and got knee deep in moisturizer and mud mask. 

In the middle of my ‘me time’, Kat invited herself into the bathroom see what I was doing and her little shadow followed close behind her. She pestered me until I knelt down to pet them both, “It’s a good thing you have this guy to practice being a big sister on. By the time my little one get’s here you’ll be a pro, won’t you?” She didn’t answer me of course, but I liked to think that she was happy for me. “You have to keep this between us, ok? Loki doesn’t know he’s going to be a daddy yet.” I whispered. The prospect of our family growing a little more seemed to excite her, although she could get equally trilled about by her own tail, so I took her excitement with a grain of salt. 

Later on I ventured downstairs to start on lunch. To keep their begging at a minimum, I prepared their meal before I sat down to eat my own. I also sprinkled a pinch of table food over their kibble. Loki didn’t like it when I did that, but sometimes that was the way I could enjoy my food in peace. Otherwise, I’d be defending my plate from curious noses the whole time. I wondered if Loki and I would agree on little things like this when it came to the way we’d raise our kid. I suspected it would be much of the same. Even though I was certain that there would be countless frustrating compromises, I still looked forward to undertaking this adventure with him. 

After we’d all gotten some food in our bellies, I sat outside with the dogs for a bit. I even tried to play fetch with them, although I soon realized that Kat didn’t like playing with me anymore. She only liked to play with Loki because he could throw the ball a lot farther than I could. So instead of getting any exercise, she lounged at my feet and Ollie tired himself out by trying to catch her tail. Pretty soon I felt another nap coming on. Well fed and reasonably relaxed, I headed back up to our bedroom to lie down for a while. 

Just as I began to settle under the blankets, I heard the dogs rush to the front door. That could only mean two things. Either Loki was super early or I had an unannounced guest and I greatly hope it was the former. When I listened harder, I could hear someone walking up to the house. No one came this far from the road, not even the mail. Grabbing my bathrobe, I hurried to the window. To my relief and excitement, Loki was home early. I didn’t care why, I was just glad to see him. 

The front door opened and he greeted our howling companions as he made his way upstairs. Meanwhile, I reclaimed my place in bed. “When you said you’d be back before five I didn’t think you meant that you’d be back this soon. I missed you.” I smiled. Loki looked tired, although I wasn’t sure if it was because of his late night or the physical demands of his job. 

“I was gone four hours. How is that long enough for you to miss me?” 

“I always miss you when we’re apart.”

“Did you even get out of bed? You’re right where I left you.”

“Yes, as a matter of fact I did. It just so happens that you caught me right when I was getting back into it.” I explained. Loki sat down on his side to take off his shoes and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “How was work? Did anything interesting happen today?”

“What do you think? I unloaded the new shipments, stocked shelves, and dealt with those insufferable customers…” He grumbled as he kicked off his socks. 

“Sounds like an average day. The next time I’m off work, I might come over and keep you company. I haven’t visited the store in a while.” Loki leaned into my embrace and his actions suggested that he missed me more than he let on. 

“Most mornings I talk to you before I leave for work and you usually write to me throughout the day. That is more than enough. I won’t have you chaperoning me in my place of work. Besides, you have things to do here that I shouldn’t take you from.” 

“I really don’t think you would be hindering my productivity.” I laughed. _Considering I haven’t done anything meaningful all day._

“Yes, I can tell. I leave you alone all morning and this place is still in disarray.”

“Well I’m no Suzy homemaker. You knew that when you married me.” I kissed his jaw, attempting to loosen the tension in his shoulders. “If you really don’t like the bike shop, you can change careers. Kevin’s store was a quick fix. We were down on our luck and any job was better than no job. There’s nothing wrong with applying for other things—“

“Is that you’re way of saying that you would like me to find more respectable work?”

“No. That is me telling you that you if _you_ want a job that is more fulfilling, you should absolutely go after what makes you happy. Don’t feel obligated to stay there if you’re truly miserable.”

Loki appeared to deeply consider my suggestion, “I have already tried…several times to be honest.”

“When? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you. You would get your hopes up only to learn that I haven’t received a single interview. It didn’t seem worth the hassle.” Loki answered quietly. 

I shifted so that he could lie back on the bed. “You wouldn’t have disappointed me Loki.“ 

“You’re an optimist. You have high hopes for everything and you are easily let down. That was not something I wanted to give you…more disappointment.“

“I’m an optimistic _realist_ , Loki. I’ve applied for my fair share of jobs too. I know how hard it can be and what it’s like to get no response or to get turned down for no reason at all. That’s why I want to support you. Why go through that alone when you don’t have to?” Loki didn’t answer me, not that he needed to. For him this was a matter of pride, something that no amount of encouragement was going to talk him out of. “If you’re more comfortable doing this on your own, just know that I trust your judgment. You’ll do what’s right for us. If you need my help with anything, even if you just want to run some ideas past me, I’m always here for you.” 

Loki turned and rested his head on my lap. I smiled down at him, gently sweeping my fingers though his hair. “I thought you would be more upset with me for not telling you.” He confessed. 

I chuckled, “I guess I could be, but where would that get me? You’re forgetting that I know you, Loki. If anything, pushing you too hard only makes more likely to keep things bottled up. Applying for jobs is one thing, accepting them is something else entirely. Now if you decide to take a position half way across the country or one that pays a fraction of what you’re making at Kevin’s and you don’t run _that_ decision past me…then yeah, I’ll be furious with you.” 

“I have no intentions of doing either of those things.”

“Good. That doesn’t feel like something you would do anyway. You hate moving. Hell, we only moved ten miles from our old apartment and you acted like it was the end of the world. I don’t even want to imagine how frustrating it would be if we’d gone any farther.” 

“It wouldn’t hurt to have a vacation home in a cooler climate. I doubt I would object to that.” 

I chuckled, “Yes, you would. You complain for sport. Regardless, we’re _definitely_ going to have to wait on the vacation home. Let’s pay off this house first. What’s another thirty years, right?”

“An eternity in this hellscape.” He muttered under his breath.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…”

“What?”

“That you’re right—“

“Say again? I’m afraid I didn’t quite catch that.” He interrupted. 

“Loki…you were right about something _for once_. You just like to hear me say that, don’t you?” 

He seemed satisfied with my admission, “Yes, I do. Now go on, I have a feeling I am going to enjoy the rest of this.” 

“Remember a few weeks ago, we talked about how we needed to start saving up in case our circumstances changed. You told me that the future could be full of all kinds of surprises. Right now we’re in a really good place and we might not be splurging on a vacation home in the mountains anytime soon but…something even better might be in the works.” Without meaning to, his expression betrayed him. There was a deeper concern that he was trying to hide from me. I knew Loki well enough to tell when something wasn’t right. While I was a little frustrated that he wouldn’t let me get to my good news, I was intent on getting to the root of this. It wasn’t often that things bothered him this much. “Loki, tell me what’s wrong. I don’t like it when you bottle things up.” 

“Kevin has reduced my hours for the next few months. I am fortunate the he didn’t fire me when he let go of the other employees that he couldn’t afford to keep. I haven’t been searching for other positions simply because I detest this line of work. It was out of necessity. That is why I am home early. Usually you are at work at this time of day, so you wouldn’t have noticed. I never got the chance to tell you.” He looked ashamed, as if he’d somehow failed me. 

Instead of diminishing his distress, I tried my best to comfort him. “Loki, please don’t be so hard on yourself. We can put more stuff up for auction and in the mean time we’ll just learn to be a little more frugal. We’ll manage. This won’t last forever. Things can turn around.” I whispered. 

Loki shook his head, “You **deserve** better from me. I should be providing for you, not the other way around.” 

“Loki, you’ve already given me more than I could ever ask for. And you know what, I actually like the idea of you being home more often. Yes, we could use the addition income, but I’m going to need you here at home a lot more in the coming months. I don’t want you working double shifts or being away every Saturday. I want more than just one a week together.” 

Now he looked confused, ”And why is that?” 

“I imagine I’ll be pretty tired if I have to take care of the baby all on my own. It would be nice if you were around to help me.” I stated, barely holding back my smile. Loki’s gaze bore into mine as he stared back at me in stunned silence. This was the first time I’d ever seen him legitimately speechless. “I’m pregnant.” I wasn’t sure how I expected Loki to react, but the broad grin that lit his face was more than I had hoped for. 

“You’re certain?” Just to impress him, I retrieved the test stick and it materialized in my hand. I’d been saving my energy just for that all morning. When Loki kissed me he was gentle and passionate, pouring every ounce of his excitement into one gentle gesture. “How long have you known?”

“I found out this morning. I couldn’t wait to tell you.” I grinned. 

Then just as spontaneously as his happiness had sprouted, his expression fell as if he suddenly grasped the gravity of the situation. “You’re not concerned?” Loki asked, his voice sounding uncharacteristically fragile.

“Am I worried that something might go wrong? Like before?” Loki nodded, but I just smiled to reassure him. “A little, but I’ve decided that I won’t let fear ruin this for us. If everything goes the way it should, we’re going to have a baby at the other end of this. I don’t want to waste these precious moments being afraid of something that may never happen.” I whispered. Like me, there was still a healthy dose of worry in his eyes, although I watched as he drew strength from my resolve. As difficult as it was, Loki began to give himself permission to be excited. In spite of the danger and our circumstances, he was trying just as hard as I was to let go of the fear and uncertainty. “We’ll figure this out together, just like everything else.”

Loki held me closer. His hand rested where my baby bump would be and those long fingers splayed protectively across my tummy. “What are you thinking?” I asked, gently weaving my fingers through his. 

“I want to be the father our child deserves.” He whispered.

“You will be.” I smiled at him, hoping that soon my joy would become his. “Just wait, one day this little girl will love you as much as I do.”

Loki took some comfort in my reassurance, enough to tease me at least. “Don’t call our son a girl.” 

“Oh! I thought that we could at least agree on this.” I giggled. 

“I may compromise with you on many things, however this will not be one of them. I want a proper heir, a son to carry on my lineage.” Loki jested.

“I’m sure that our daughter will make a wonderful heir, especially once I teach her how to be a badass princess. She won’t take shit from anybody.”

Loki turned me onto my back, so that he could look me in the eye. “Just like her mother, I’m sure. Until then, allow me to marvel at my woman growing large with child.” 

I cringed at that mental image, “Don’t put it that way. I’m going to be the size of a house—“

“And you will only grow more beautiful.” He interrupted. 

“I bet you won’t say that when I’ve got twenty miles of stretch marks. My stomach is going to look like a brown watermelon.” I groaned. 

“Have you already forgotten about your seidr? In my youth, concealing scars became something of a hobby of mine. The only marks that continue to mar my skin carry malicious incantations that cannot be undone. If you are diligent, I can teach you all that you need to know before that happens.” 

I grinned, “You love spoiling me don’t you?” 

“There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.” I didn’t care if everything went to shit in five minutes or five days. Right here and right now was the happiest I’d ever been in my life. Nothing could ever change that. As I lay there in his arms, Loki tenderly kissed the nape of my neck. Cradled in the warmth of his embrace, it didn’t take long for me to doze off. “I love you.” He’d whispered so quietly that I had almost missed it. 

And I remember answering him, half conscious and uninhibited by forethought. “I love you more.”

* * *

After what felt like a few minutes had passed, I awoke in our bed. I was alone and I’d slept for far longer than I’d intended. The sun was low in the sky and I could tell it was later in the evening. I didn’t smell dinner cooking or hear the dogs prancing through the house. From that I deduced that Loki was probably out back with the horse.

I quickly pulled on my boots and hurried down the stairs. When I reached the back porch, I saw that they were still in the corral and Loki had just finished securing his saddle. Spirit had only been with us for a week or so and every evening, right before seidr lessons and dinner, Loki went out for his evening ride. He claimed that it would help the horse get more comfortable in his new home. I stepped up onto the fence to pet Spirit. Even though I fed him on the mornings when Loki had to work, he didn’t seem to like me very much. It wasn’t that he hated me; he just didn’t seem to care about anything but his food. Maybe I didn’t know enough about horses to gauge his opinion of me.

“You’re going out?” I asked, looking over the saddle at Loki. 

“Yes. I will not be gone long.”

“Can I come?” Loki hesitated, watching me in silence as he tightened the buckles on the other side. “Please?” 

“No.”

“What? Why not? I have gotten to ride him once since you brought him home.” I protested. 

“I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Like what? I’ve ridden a horse before. You were there. We pranced our asses all the way to Eyjara and back and I was fine—“

“You weren’t with child at the time.” Loki added matter-of-factly. 

“Oh…you’re right.” I muttered quietly. 

“You’ve forgotten?” Loki asked, not even attempting to hide the judgment in his voice. 

“I don’t feel pregnant all the time…it slipped my mind for a second.” 

“I thought we sorted out your memory problems.” He jested, only I didn’t find it all that funny. 

“I’ll see you when you get back.” I stepped off of the gate and headed back to the house.

Loki sighed, “Wait.” 

I turned around, “No. Go have fun without me. I’ll go get started on my exercises before you get back for our lesson—“

“Eleanor, I know that tone. My only concern is for your safety—“

“I’ll be careful. I promise. I wouldn’t go if you weren’t going to be there to look out for me.” For a long moment Loki looked steadfast in his decision. So I pouted, hoping that this would be enough to convince him. This little trick was always hit or miss. Loki might like to think he was the stern one, but in truth he was a big softie when I pushed the right buttons. Most times, he didn’t even have to speak for me to know that I’d won him over. _Like right now…_

“If he so much as thinks about cantering, you will walk back to the house.” Loki warned. 

“Yay!” I leaned over the fence to kiss Loki’s cheek before slipping through the fence to join them in the corral. I hooked my foot into the stirrup and pulled myself up into the saddle without any help. “See, I still remember how it works. This is so much easier in pants.” I beamed.

Loki glanced at my riding boots, then up at me. “You were a bit presumptuous.”

“I didn’t want to risk not being ready. If I had to go back inside to change my shoes, you might’ve had the chance to changed your mind.” I grinned. Loki rolled his eyes and began to lead Spirit out of the enclosure. “Hey wait. Aren’t you going to ride too?” 

“No—“

“Why?”

“It’s not good for him to carry our combined weight. I don’t want to injure him.”

“But we did it before back in Asgard?” 

“That was different. My steed was hardier than this beast.”

“Don’t listen to him, buddy. You’re a hardy steed.” I said as I petted his shoulder. Again Loki rolled his eyes. 

“Can I have the reins?” 

“Absolutely not.”

“Why?”

“Because you are far too inexperienced.“ I didn’t want to argue with him. If having control of the horse was what it took to make him feel comfortable enough to bring me with him, then so be it. We started towards the dirt path that roamed away from the house. From what I could tell, Spirit seemed happy to be out of the corral. “Your mother called while you were sleeping.”

“I didn’t have any missed calls—“

“I didn’t say that she called you.” Loki chuckled. 

“Why the hell did my mother call _you_?” 

“She’s going to be in the town for a business venture over the weekend and wanted to know if it would be alright to visit. She intended to surprise you, but I know that you do not like surprises or unannounced guests.” Loki answered. 

“What did you tell her?”

“That I would inform her by Wednesday at the earliest. I thought it best that I give you time to make up your mind.” 

“I guess this weekend is just as good as any.” I sighed.

“Do you think that you will tell her the good news?”

“I don’t know. You didn’t mention it did you?” I turned to him, hoping that he hadn’t gotten ahead of me. 

“No. I didn’t feel that it was my place to do so.”

“Thanks. Its not that I don’t want to tell her, it’s just that I’m afraid to tell anyone before we know for sure that I can carry this one.” I confessed.

“I understand, although your mother ought to be an exception to that rule.” Loki added gently. Even though he might never admit to it, I believed that the only reason he felt this strongly about it was because he couldn’t do the same. We didn’t talk about Asgard very much, for obvious reasons, but I was certain that Frigga would have been the first to know had we still resided there. 

“I know, I’m just not trying to make this harder for myself in case I lose this one too.”

“You told me that you weren’t going to allow fear to get in your way. I understand that you and Renee have a difficult relationship, but I also know that sharing this with her will make you happy. As far as we know, your body will do what it was designed to do. If anything should to happen after you tell her, we will deal with the consequences together.” Somehow, I wasn’t expecting Loki’s words to be as reassuring as they were. 

“You’re right. We should tell her…and the fact that we are supposed to be engaged. We might as well get everything out of the way at once. The sooner it’s over with, the better.” 

“That would be best. I detest having to pretend that you are anything other than my wife.” Loki added. 

“Yes, I know that Loki. You don’t hide it very well. So, are you going to tell me why Renee called you instead of me? How long has this been going on?” I finally allowed my curiosity to have a voice. 

“A few months—“ 

“A few months!? What kind of information have you been funneling to her?” I asked, taken aback by how long this had been going on without my knowledge. 

“I have not shared anything that you wouldn’t approve of. We exchanged information over the holidays. It was to my understanding that we would only communicate in the event of an emergency. I have never initiated conversation with her. However, Renee calls me periodically to inquire about your wellbeing—“

“She can call me if she really wants to know how I’m doing.” I mentioned bitterly. 

“You don’t tell her what she wants to hear—“

“Oh and you do?”

“No, not always. I would never betray your confidence, dove. I am aware of all that you wish to keep between us and what you are comfortable sharing. My sole interest is in keeping the peace. She wants to know that you are happy and in good health. In turn she has less of a reason to bombard you with invasive questions or to visit without invitation. What harm is there in providing that comfort to you both?”

I couldn’t form a counterargument fast enough. Loki was right. Worse than that, I remembered doing the very same for him under different circumstances. I sighed, “There isn’t any. I only wish you had told me.”

“That is what I just did.” Loki looked up at me, wearing a sly smirk. 

“I guess it could be worse. She could hate your guts.” I chuckled. 

“That day will come. The moment she learns that I am the reason for your disappearance, I will become her sworn enemy.” 

“You say that as if you know for a fact that I’m going to tell her the truth. Let’s see how she reacts to the news we have for her this time. Normal, everyday news. We can’t casually drop the, “oh yeah by the way I was abducted by aliens, I married him, and he knocked me up,” story in her lap. Because she’s either going to murder you or try to ship me off to the nearest madhouse.” 

“You are going to have to tell her sooner rather than later—“

“Why?” Truth be told, I wanted to avoid telling her any of this for as long as possible. In the back of my mind I was kicking myself for not having done it before. At least then I could have had a stiff drink afterwards to calm my nerves. That was completely out of the question for the next nine months. _Or however long this pregnancy will last._

“You know why.”

“We have another ten years, tops. No one will notice.” I added. 

“That is not the only reason.” Loki insisted. Now I looked at him, somewhat confused. 

“She will want to support you during this time in your life. What do you plan to do if she attends the birth? What do you think she will say if our child reflects their Jotunn ancestry?” Again I was silent, absorbing the truth in what he said. “I may not look it, but that is all that I can hope to contribute…a lifelong burden—“

“Don’t say that Loki. The only reason they would even think of it as a burden, is if you teach them that it is. Under all that magic lays the person that I fell in love with. He’s you, only bluer.”

“Ele, for once do you think that you could be serious about this? Being Jotunn in Asgard in bad enough. Midgard is even worse. Your people destroy what they do not understand. Can’t you grasp the severity of the situation?” Now he sounded as though I were being foolish. I didn’t like it when he used that tone with me.

“Yes, I can Loki. I understand the danger. The difference is that I’m not going to let it stop me from giving our baby a normal life. As normal as it get’s with us, anyway. I’m not going to teach them that any part of who they are is something to be ashamed of. Yes they will have to learn to protect themselves against people who don’t understand their background, but that doesn’t have to involve shame. And if we’re being honest, my Midgardian blood isn’t about to do them very many favors either. I’ve lived in both realms long enough to see that they have _a lot_ in common. And unlike you, I’ve spent my whole life in the skin that I was born in. I will not raise our child to be ashamed of who they are just because of what someone else thinks of them.”

“Then you will allow the world to teach them—“

“No. That isn’t what I said. There is a difference. Knowing what other people think of you and believing them are two different things. I‘m not saying life is going to be kind to them just because I will it. Regardless of who they favor, they will know that they matter just as much as any Asgardian, Midgardian, or Jotun.” I looked over at him, noticing how unsettled his expression became. I wasn’t sure if it was because he disagreed with me or if he simply hated with the fact that we needed to have this conversation in the first place. “Since we’re on this subject, I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier. There might be another way for us to earn some additional income to help get ready for the baby. It won’t be pleasant, but we won’t have to endure it for very long.“ 

“Pray tell?” Loki looked up at me. 

“Meg and Devin invited us to a couples vacation with them and some of their friends in Las Vegas. You’re good at tricks…and magic…and there will be a lot of casinos. I just think this might be an opportunity for us to pocket a good chunk of cash.”

Loki seemed intrigued, “Where is Las Vegas?” 

“Nevada…in the desert…two thousand miles away.” I mentioned. And the look that he gave me was just as critical as mine had been when Meg had suggested the trip to me. 

“Do you plan to drive that distance?” Loki asked, although his expression wasn’t very optimistic. 

“Well…that’s the part that _I’m_ not a huge fan of—“

“You had a panic attack in the parking lot. We hadn’t even gotten into the airport yet.” Loki reminded me. Apparently the ordeal had been just as traumatic for him as it had been for me.

“I know—“

“Do you really think that you ought to put yourself through that amount of stress for a _chance_ to make a great return?”

“Yes, I do. At face value, I know it sounds like a bad idea. Trust me, I’m not in a hurry to hop in one of those deathtraps, but think about it. We could make enough in a week for you to take off work for a year, so that you could stay home with the baby—“

“So that _I_ can stay with the baby?” That seemed to catch him off guard.

“Yeah? I don’t want to leave them with strangers. What happens if they sneeze icicles or if they turn blue when they cry? One of us has to stay home for a while, at least until we know what to expect. I’m only going to get six weeks of maternity leave before I have to go back to work. You barely like leaving the house to begin with and my salary is what pays most of the bills. It’s the most logical arrangement.” Somehow, Loki didn’t look pleased with the idea of being a stay at home dad. As unconventional as he was, compared to everyone else in Asgard at least, he still adhered to a few of the conventional norms. “I didn’t bring that up to get into our childcare arrangements. We still have plenty of time to iron out those details.”

“And your plan requires a lot of ironing.” Loki mentioned under his breath. 

“What I’m trying to say is that this is a good opportunity for us to build up that savings you were talking about.”

Loki sighed, “Not only will you have to fly there…it is in the desert? Are you trying to kill me?”

“No. I just think that if we can help each other through these challenges, we stand to gain a lot from this. I would do anything to make sure our kid has everything they need, Loki. Even if that means I have to face my fears to get it done.”

“You are asking for a lot.” Loki sighed. In spite of his reluctance, I was encouraged by the fact that he hadn’t said no right away either. 

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think that you could do it.” 

“Your faith in my ability isn’t the only factor that I have to consider.”

“Well, I kind of need an answer by tomorrow morning. Meg said that they were trying to fill the spots and I don’t want someone else to get the room.”

“I said that I would consider it.” Loki repeated, finally growing a tad impatient with me. He didn’t like being rushed into decisions. Hell, neither did I, but it wasn’t like we had the luxury of a week’s notice to make up our minds. 

“Okie dokie Loki. Take all the time you need.“ I thought it best to abandon that conversation. He was already tense enough as it was. There was no need for me to fan that fire. So I settled into the saddle as we continued along the path that meandered through the trees. For the rest of this evening, I vowed to simply enjoy Loki’s company. Today had been full of surprises, both good and otherwise. It was easy to feel overwhelmed with so much happening all at once, not that I had come down from the euphoric high yet. And despite all that, I realized that for the first time in a **very** long time, I was content. 

Still, I understood that this bliss wouldn’t last forever. Eventually this feeling would begin to fade and reality would inevitably creep in its place. Even if I chose not to look to past experiences for reasons to worry, the future was littered of plenty of new and equally frightening possibilities. In the face of all that was to come, I wasn’t deterred one bit. Instead I took comfort in the fact that I had Loki, my husband, and soon to be the father of my child. With him by my side, I’d have the courage to face any and everything on this journey to motherhood.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I would have had this chapter up sooner if it didn't keep rewriting itself. There have been five different endings and I'm not even sure that I like this one. Its done and I'm just happy to be moving on. I may or may not rewrite some parts of this later on. Like always I am super curious to see what you think about this newest revelation. So feel free to let know what you loved or hated. I like getting your feedback. It lets me know what's working in my writing and what isn't. Its also motivating, especially when I'm fighting with a chapter that doesn't want to be written...like this one. Anyway, I hope to have the next update edited and ready soon. Fingers cross that the next chapter is more cooperative! :)


	44. A Gut Feeling

I heard Loki come through the front door. He had just gotten off work and judging by the sound of the noisy bags he toted with him, he’d run a few errands on his way home. “It’s official. I just booked our flight.” I stated, clicking through the final step to make my purchase. Immediately after I received the confirmation number, a wave of queasiness soon followed. For once it had nothing to do with my ever-present morning sickness, although I wished that it had. 

After Loki put the bags down on the kitchen table, he approached me from behind. “It was official when we paid the reservation fee for our room.” His hands rested on my shoulders, gently massaging the tension that began to gather in them. I wasn’t sure if relaxing me was his primary objective or if he simply wanted to sneak a peak at my screen. Regardless, it did little to distract me from the fact that I had just paid actual money to be tortured for four hours straight.

“It was official that we were going. Now we are officially _flying_ there.” All of this seemed like a good idea back when I’d suggested it. Now I remembered why I never did this in the past. 

“We will get through this together.” Loki leaned down to kiss the top of my head. “Whenever you begin to have second thoughts, remember why we have chosen to do this.” 

I sighed, “I do and in the process so, I accidently remind myself of how terrified I am of flying.” This seemed less and less like a good idea with each passing second.

“I will not let anything harm you.”

“Loki, there’s only so much you can do if we are start falling out of the sky.” Not wanting to confront this fear anymore, I pushed my laptop aside. I joined Loki in the kitchen to look through the shopping bags that he’d brought in. “What’s all this?”

“Light reading material.” He explained. Meanwhile I reached into the bag, only to find several books on various table games. _He’s really taking this seriously._

“Did they have any books left once you were done shopping?”

“Yes. I only selected a few of the more interesting ones.”

“Hmmh…twelve books count as light reading for you? I’ll download some apps so that you can practice. That should help you to get a better feel for it. Reading about it only get’s you so far.” 

“I would appreciate that. If we are investing this many resources into this trip, I do not intend to return empty handed.”

“That’s what everyone says until they gamble away their life savings.” I muttered, growing a bit nervous in light of all that we had already spent in preparation for this trip. We hadn’t even begun to discuss the amount of money we planned to set aside to actually gamble with.

“I am not everyone, dove. You know this.” Loki pulled me against his front, affectionately resting his hand over my belly. Obviously I didn’t look pregnant at this early stage, but that didn’t stop him from reminding me that he’d put something there. A part of me wondered if Loki would have been this excited about my previous pregnancy, had our circumstances been a little more favorable. In a way, I was glad that he hadn’t had to negotiate such a difficult situation on his own. Of course I would have been there for physically. However, I would have been another person mentally, someone who knew nothing about his Jotunn nature or the peril that my condition could put me in. Perhaps the birth of our child could have brought me back. Surely the sight of a little blue baby with red eyes would’ve been powerful enough to reach through Odin’s curse. _If that didn’t do it, nothing ever would._

Loki’s voice pulled me out of my reverie, “I also bought a few others, so that you might have something to read as well.” He reached into the other bag to offer me a few pregnancy books. It was impossible not to smile at this gesture. 

“Did they happen to have anything on interspecies hybrids?”

“Yes, however those selections referenced farm animals and the occasional plant. Neither of which is especially relevant to the situation.” 

“I’m not surprised. You and I are a **very** niche market.” I turned to him now, “Has there ever been a couple like us before?” 

Loki shrugged, “I cannot say for certain. There is a lot that we did not know about the Jotunnar. If my seed has taken root in your womb, we must be similar enough to bear children. In the past, the Frost Giants brought war to this realm. It is not unreasonable to think that Midgardian women were taken at some point. That is the nature of war, especially where they were concerned.”

“It would be nice if Midgard wasn’t so isolated from the other realms. Then there might be someone here that we could ask.” I mentioned, more to myself than to Loki. 

“Frigga would know.” He added quietly and I could tell by his distant stare that his mind had wandered to a place he rarely allowed himself to visit.

“I’m sure she would. She knew a lot about—well everything really. I wish that I’d thought to ask more questions while I had the change. On our wedding night, she gave me that book and there was a whole section on conception. She tried to get me to skim through it, as much as I was able to anyway. I still can’t read your language that well, but I wouldn’t even try. I was so hell bent on never getting knocked up that I never imagined what I might want to know when I actually did.”

“That was a different time in your life, under a different set of circumstances. One could argue that you were another person then…” Loki mused. 

“I don’t think she would have encouraged it if she didn’t know that we were compatible enough to conceive. Which is great, except it doesn’t tell us anything that we don’t already know. I’m pregnant, so **clearly** it is possible. I’d just like to know what to expect along the way. Specifically, if anything will differ from what these books can share with me.” 

“As do I.” 

In the mean time, I started to skim the first couple pages. I had no idea Loki had been reading over my shoulder until he took the book from me to peruse more closely. “Hey! I thought you said this was my book? You have a shit ton of studying to do before the trip and we only have six days. Don’t procrastinate.” 

“I’m not procrastinating. You read far too slowly. I shall return this to you by morning. You won’t miss it before then will you?” He smirked, although I didn’t think that he was being very funny. At the same time, I already knew that there was no point in getting upset over this. It was easier to just let him finish reading than it was to negotiate because he wasn’t going to give it back. And even if he did, it would be gone the second my head hit the pillow.

“No, I’ve got plenty of other things to do before Mom gets here. I guess I shouldn’t expect any help from you if you’re going to busy reading that all evening. And don’t mark up the margins with that alien scribe. It’s distracting.” I began to repackage our books in the bags, so that I could take them to his study for safekeeping. Just as I put everything down on his desk, I turned to go back to the kitchen and walked right into him. He was too engrossed in the words to even notice.

“Have you started taking prenatal vitamins?” 

“Yes. I bought some on my way home yesterday. It’s not the kind I’d get with a prescription, but it will have to do. I just hope nothing in there is harmful to a Jotunn embryo.” 

“Our needs are not that different from yours—“

I stilled in surprise, “That’s a first.”

“What is?” Loki mumbled, barely looked up from the pages.

“You said our. You’ve never referred to yourself and the Jotunns as one in the same before.” Now I had his attention. Loki hadn’t meant to say it that way. It was a slip of the tongue; one I never thought that I’d hear from him. So it was no surprise when Loki hastened to clarify on his statement. 

“I was referring to myself and our son.” Had I not pointed it out, I doubt Loki would have felt the need to correct himself. I looked up at him, not quite convinced by his attempt at backtracking. 

“Jotunn or not, I’m sure our daughter will be beautiful. Seriously, look at her parents. She has no choice but to be gorgeous.” 

Loki chuckled, “While I admire your confidence, handsome is the appropriate word.” Before I could think of another rebuttal, there was a knock on the front door. _And that would be my mother._ Since this was supposed to be a surprise, I let Loki answer the door. 

All afternoon I had been getting myself ready for her visit. I’d put fresh towels in the bathroom and I even dusted for the first time in weeks. _Which is a big deal!_ While I wasn’t necessarily dreading her arrival the way that I would have before, there was a quieter brand of apprehension lingering in the background. I had become familiar with this level of unease over the past few months but for some reason, it was worse today than it had ever been. For the most part I managed to ignore it and I made a concerted effort to be excited. I was about to see my mother for the first time since I’d regained my memories. Those few months of separation felt more like decades. No matter the existing complications in our relationship, that all should have been enough to overshadow this gnawing tension. _Except, it wasn’t._

“Ele, it’s for you.” Loki called to me. 

When I reached the foyer Mom was standing there beside him, grinning from ear to ear. “Surprise!”

“Hey! Its so good to see you.” I hugged her tightly.

“I was in town for a training and I thought I’d come visit my lovely daughter. This isn’t a bad time is it? I’m not intruding on anything am I?”

“No, not at all. Loki was just about to help me with some chores.” I chuckled. That earned me a quick glare from him, as we started into the house.

“If only I could get Scott or James to do the same. I can tell Loki’s a good man to have around.” 

“He is. Just don’t tell him too much. All that praise will go right to his head.” I teased. As we reached the kitchen, I offered her the lemonade that I’d made especially for her visit. 

“You’ve put a lot of work in since the last set of pictures you sent me. Very nice.” She remarked, as she surveyed the living room. 

“I should hope so. Eleanor has tries to work me to death these last few days.” Loki added as he claimed a seat at the island. 

“No, I haven’t. He’s still frustrated over the shelves that I asked him to put up in the guest bedroom. It’s ok, babe. I still love you.” I giggled.

Renee turned to Loki, “I’m sure they look great Loki.”

He nudged me, “Take note. This is how one gives a proper compliment.” 

“Loki, I said you did a good job—“

“No. You tilted your head and scrunched your nose before telling me, good job…they’re almost level. Then you proceeded to readjust them yourself.”

“Well they weren’t level.” I snickered as I began to pour a glass for each of us.

“Don’t be so hard on him. Everyone can’t be good at everything.”

“Yeah, I know. Its just fun to give him a taste of his own backhanded complements.” I smirked. “How long are you in town?” 

“My flight leaves in the morning. Then I’m headed back home to assess the damage. You’re brother has been home alone for the last four days. So it is safe to assume that he’s probably invited half the town into my house by now.” 

“I’m sure everything is fine. Scott isn’t as wild as he used to be.”

“You would be surprised. Although, I will admit that he has really stepped up these last few months. He graduates this December and already has a job lined up in Philly. Has he told you?” 

“Yeah, he just called me yesterday. Scott talked about wanting to go there when he was here helping us move. I’m proud of him.”

“I am too. I know he’s ready…or at least he’s ready to get out from under my roof. Both of my little ones will be gone into this big wide world soon. It’s hard to let go.” She sighed, “I’ll manage. As long as you’re both are happy and living your lives…that’s what it was all for. My job is done.”

“You know Scotty and I will always come up to visit you. That’s home for us.” I added, suddenly feeling a little guilty for not being around as much as I could’ve been.

“No, _this_ is your home. You should be here with Loki. You don’t need to put your life on hold for me.” Renee put on a smile, in what was clearly an attempt to coax herself into accepting this new reality. “Now that it’s just James and I there in the house, I’ve been thinking about selling. We could downsize to something more reasonable. That’s way too much space for just the two of us.”

“But you love it there…” 

“I do. That is why I am still thinking about it and I haven’t made any decisions yet. It might be nice to have space for everyone around the holidays, if you decide to come up that is. I don’t want you to feel like you have to. You, Loki, Scott and his other half whenever he settles down with someone...there will be plenty of room for everyone.” 

That was when I felt myself smiling. I was suddenly grateful that I hadn’t had to negotiate an awkward segue into our big news. “That would be nice, especially since Loki’s going to be around for a while. Mom…he and I are engaged.”

Renee gasped in delight, before pulling me in for a hug. “This is wonderful! I’m so happy for both of you.” She kissed my cheek. “When’s the wedding? Are you going to have it here—“

“That’s not all...” Now she looked worried, unsure of or possibly dreading what I might reveal next. “We just found out that I’m pregnant.” At first she was absolutely silent. This was a lot for anyone to take in all at once, so some degree of shock was understandable. Soon, her eyes were brimming with tears. “Its ok mom…don’t cry or you’re going to make me cry.” 

“I just don’t know what to say.” She grinned, wiping the few tear that managed to fall. 

“You don’t have to say anything.” I answered, failing to keep my own waterworks under control. Thanks to my hormones it was already hard enough for me to regulate my emotions as it was. This wasn’t making it any easier. So I gave up trying to stop the tears and I elected to hug her in the hopes that this would help stabilize my emotions. “Ok. Enough crying. This is supposed to be happy occasion. You’re going to be a grandma!” I declared. 

“I’m so proud of you, Nori. You’re going to be a great mom, better than me…so much better than me.” As happy as I was to hear her say these things, there was something else hidden behind her words, a sadness that shone through that jovial veneer and I didn’t know how to interpret this. Despite the mixed emotions, I tried not to focus on it. I didn’t want to ruin this moment by overthinking this anymore than I already had. 

“Don’t say that—“

“It’s true. You are stronger than I ever would have been in your position. I’m happy for _both_ of you. This is great news.” Renee glanced over at Loki, “Ever since he came into your life, you’ve changed for the better. Scott told me how bubbly you were the last time that he saw you. I couldn’t fully appreciate what he meant until I’d see it for myself. Loki has brought out the _you_ that I haven’t seen since…well since before you disappeared. You’re genuinely happy and that is all that I’ve ever wanted for you.” 

I smiled, damming an even more unstable set of emotions. “I know. A lot has happened since then and I’m ready to move past that now. That part of my life doesn’t define me anymore. It never should have. I have Loki and soon we’ll have the baby. This is what I want to focus on. I have the rest of our lives to look forward to.” All the while I replayed Loki’s words in my mind, his warning that sooner or later we would need to tell Renee the truth. As moving as our news had been for her, I still knew that she wasn’t ready to know everything. 

“You don’t know how glad I am to hear that. It looks like these next few months are going to be very exciting for you both. Do you intend to have the wedding before the baby is born? How can I help?”

I glanced at Loki, not quite sure what I should share with her. There was so much that we didn’t know about how my pregnancy would progress. Not to mention we’d only just learned that I was expecting a week ago. “Well…we haven’t really made any plans yet. We’re still marinating in all this.” I managed to say.

“I can understand that. This is a lot to figure out all at once. Have you at least shared the good news with Loki’s family yet? I’m sure they would be pleased to learn that you two have a baby on the way.” 

Rather than jump in to answer that question, I let Loki speak for himself. If he was comfortable enough with Renee to have private conversations with her, surely he would have no problem fielding this inquiry on his own. “I haven’t spoken with my family in years. It is for the best that they not know about our child.”

I could see in her expression that she wanted to coax more of an explanation out of him, yet she refrained from doing so. _At least she’s learning some boundaries..._ “I’m sorry to hear that. We have more than enough room in our family for you and my grandbaby. There won’t be a shortage of love for your little one. Not on my watch.”

“I appreciate your acceptance.” 

“Loki, in a matter of months you will officially be my son-in-law. Not to mention you’re the father of my grandchild. I might as well accept you as family right here and now.” She laughed. 

Loki was not easily moved, at least not by anyone other than myself. To the rest of the world his emotions were inaccessible, guarded behind the walls he erected to keep everyone at a safe distance. My mother might not have known everything there was to know about us, yet she still welcomed him as one of her own. For Loki this was a bit jarring, considering he was accustomed to experiencing the exact opposite. I gently took his hand in mine, to reassure him without words. 

The rest of Renee’s visit was much less emotional. The three of us chatted for a while and I for once I actually enjoyed the time that we spent together. I was glad that I had taken this chance and that Loki had chosen to help bridge this divide. When it was time for her to go, I was reluctant to show her to the door. We started to say our farewells and Renee hugged me tightly, “You’re going to look so cute when that baby bump comes in. Be sure to send lots of pictures.” 

I laughed, nodding as I imagined myself the way she described. “Now that we have plenty of extra space, you can visit to see for yourself.” 

“I wouldn’t want to impose—“

“You are always welcome in our home.” Loki interjected. 

“That is very good to hear.” Mom turned to Loki and hugged him too. “Welcome to the family. I know you’ll take good care of my daughter.” 

“I shall pamper her like a queen.” He smiled.

“I’m going to hold you to your word, fiancé.” I jested.

Renee laughed, “Well, I’m going to get back to my hotel and pack. I will call you once I have landed back home.” She pulled me in for one last hug before she started out of the door. We waved goodbye and with that Renee was gone. Even though our visit had gone better than I had anticipated, I stilled sighed a breath of relief. 

“That wasn’t so bad.” I admitted quietly. 

Loki kissed my temple, “I told her to be on her best behavior.”

“You didn’t!”

“Honestly, I am surprised that she did as I asked.”

“I guess she didn’t want to get reprimanded.” 

“She didn’t want to push you farther away. That was reason enough to heed my warning.”

* * *

Later that evening, Loki and I sat on the porch just outside of our bedroom. We were gathered on the sofa, each studying our respective interests. It was raining and the constant showers created a soothing ambient noise that helped me to relax after such a long day. I stretched my legs across his lap as I read one of the books that he had purchased for me. Simply to be a thorn in his side, I’d reclaimed the one he had been reading. One of Loki’s biggest pet peeves was a half read book and I intended to let him rue in that discontent until I’d turned every page. Meanwhile, Loki was busy playing another round of poker on my tablet. 

“Why do these people always compare the fetus’ size to obscure fruit? I understand that they’re trying to be helpful, but all they’re really doing is making me feel stupid for not knowing what a winter melon or jicama is. I’ve never touched a jicama in real life before.”

“Perhaps this is considered common knowledge.” Loki mentioned absentmindedly. 

Now I looked up from my book, “Do you know what a winter melon is?”

“I am not of this realm. Your ignorance is more telling than mine.”

I reached over and pressed the home button on the tablet, exiting out of his game to get his attention. Not surprisingly this earned a bit of a peeved glance from him, “We’re both picky eaters, you more so than I. In what lifetime would I ever need to familiarize myself with either of those fruits?”

He smiled, tilting his head to disarm me with kindness. _Oh! Now you want to butter me up!?_ “Dove, I would never insinuate—“ 

“No you flat out called me ignorant.” I started to gather my things so that I could go read in bed. Anticipating this, Loki began to gently massage my foot. And even though I was irritated, I couldn’t deny that this felt amazing. “Don’t think you can get away with it that easily.”

“I surrender to whatever punishment you deem appropriate.” He whispered, leaning against me until I was forced to embrace him. I tried to push him away, only Loki bent lower to kiss my throat. Still he didn’t relent, tickling my ribs until my suborned scowl faded into an involuntary giggle. 

“Fine! Ok, I forgive you. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to forget you just insulted me.” I laughed, squirming beneath his weight. With that Loki had gotten exactly what he wanted. Rather than retreat to give me some breathing room, Loki pressed his lips to my collarbone. “You can stop kissing up now.”

“Am I not allowed to show my wife affection? One momment you criticize me for insulting you. The next I am at fault for being too kind.” This time Loki snuck another gentle peck. 

“Nope. You put your foot in your mouth and now you’re trying to smooth things over. Don’t insult my intelligence twice in one night.” I chuckled. 

“There is no pleasing you is there?” Loki righted himself and I scooted closer so that I could cuddle with him. 

“Nope.” Without much persuasion Loki pulled me onto his lap and I settled comfortably in his embrace. “Did you get the feeling that something was bothering my mother?” 

Loki relaxed against the back of the bench, beginning to think back on our earlier interactions. “I did. I think that she is learning to let go and it is not as easy as she had hoped. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

I sighed, “Yes, but something felt off. I know I’m not crazy and that I didn’t imagine it. What if she was hiding something?”

“Dove, I do not think that you are crazy. And if she were concealing something from you, do you truly wish to know? Haven’t you been through enough already?”

“What kind of thing is that to say? Of course I want to know the truth, Loki. You of all people should know what it’s like for someone you love to keep secrets from you—“

“And as such, I would never wish such an experience upon you.” 

“That isn’t for you to decide. What if its something serious?” 

“It could be nothing at all—“

“Or it could be a lot of _something_. I’d rather know than wonder.” 

“I don’t want see your heart broken again.”

I sighed, half in frustration and the other in understanding. Loki only wanted to protect me from a pain he himself had known. And at the same time, he was protecting himself from the sorrow of watching me suffer. Both dilemmas were out of love, no matter how confining they were on the surface. “You have to understand my position, Loki. How can I just pretend that I don’t feel… _this_?“

“Perhaps you are so used to there being a problem that you have become conditioned to expect one.”

“No, that isn’t the problem. Sometimes I just know things that I shouldn’t. Good, bad, or indifferent, I can tell when something is out of the norm. I can feel it. And ignoring it only makes things worse. This never used to happen to me before I met you. Now it happens all the time. What’s wrong with me?” 

His expression softened, “There is nothing wrong with you. In fact it is quite the opposite. In the time that you have shared with me, you’ve been exposed to more energy than the typical Midardian would ever encounter in several of their lifetimes. When you slipped through the cracks between our realms as you did, that instance alone exposed you to a vast amount of energy. From the moment you set foot in Asgard, you had already experienced enough to awaken whatever latent abilities your mortal being possessed. Then I nearly lost you to the void and you ventured to the very edge of existence, where such power exists in its purest form. Not to mention you have begun to strengthen and manipulate your seidr. It is no surprise that all of this has awakened something within you.” 

“Awakened?”

“Seidr is one of the many forms of energy than an individual can possess and learn to control. It simply takes longer than the average Midgardian life span for most of these capabilities to manifest. Even the primordial stages of foresight are rare amongst the Aesir and the Vanir. It has never been observed in a Midgardian before. Then again, you have always been atypical.” He explained. 

“How do I stop it? I don’t want this.”

“It is not uncommon for those who possess this gift to only partially develop their abilities. One day you might be able to perceive things with greater clarity. However, it is far more likely that you will not.” 

“Well I don’t want more. I don’t even want this.” I stated.

“You should not be afraid of your own talents. It is something you ought to take pride in.” 

“I’ve got you, our baby growing inside me, and my seidr. Can’t I be proud of that? That’s all the excitement that I want in my life right now.”

He kissed my cheek and offered a warm smile, “Of course.”

“Can you sense things the way that I do?” I asked. 

“No. Intuition is one thing, this is something else entirely.” Loki clarified. 

“So what you’re telling me is that, out of the two of us, I’m the expert on gut feelings?”

Loki narrowed his gaze, hesitant to outright agree with me. “Perhaps.”

“Then that means I **must** be right when I tell you that we’re having a girl.” I giggled.

Loki rolled his eyes, “You want a daughter so badly that you have clouded your own perception.”

“Its ok to be wrong when it comes to this, Loki. No matter what, we’ll still have a cute little baby to cuddle.” I grinned. 

“A baby boy.” Loki corrected.

“You’re not going to give up on this are you?”

He smirked, “Absolutely not.” 

“Fine. Little blue can be whoever they want to be. I’ll love them no matter what.”

“Little Blue?” Loki repeated.

“Yes. I imagine they’ll be some shade of blue. They were made with your genes after all.” I’d fully expected Loki to object to the nickname, considering it emphasized a part of his identity that he typically hated to acknowledge. Only he didn’t react in the way that I’d anticipated. In fact, he hardly reacted at all. Maybe Loki was beginning to accept the fact that this wasn’t something he could ignore forever. Once our child was born the truth would look him in the eyes each and every day, reminding him of everything that he sought to avoid. Nevertheless, I thought it best not to linger on the subject. I didn’t want to push Loki farther than was necessary. “Rae is a pretty name for a daughter…or Gaia…or maybe Terra—“ 

“Narfi is a nice name for a son.” He interrupted.

I grinned, “Yes, it is. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see whose name we get to use.” Instead of letting Loki mouth off again, I hushed him with a loving kiss. And to my relief, that was all it took to silence him.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I am so sorry for the long wait! Because I am at awful at this, I changed my mind about the plot direction at the absolute last minute. Then I had to rework a huge section of this chapter (all of it) and some chunks of the next few chapters. It was super tedious to fix, but I think it was for the better. I've been working with this story for too long to take a short cut and end up with something that I hate, simply because it was easy. Hopefully the next chapter makes up for the poor quality of this one. Vegas here we come!


	45. Sin City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and a little bit of **smut**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is essentially a collection of oneshots. Hopefully the length doesn't deter anyone. You _could_ even skip one or two and it wouldn't make much of a difference, but that would make me sad. So don't tell me if thats what you've chosen to do. I hope you enjoy!

**Monday Morning: Fight of Flight**

Loki and I had only managed to get a couple hours of sleep. We’d been up most of the night, packing for our weeklong getaway. By that I mean, Loki and I got into a heated “discussion” about what items to bring and which to leave behind. _A battle that he begrudgingly lost._ Possibly because of this preoccupation, I’d managed to avoid the paralyzing fear that accompanied the idea of soaring thousands of feet above the ground at a few hundred miles per hour. Though, the same could not be said for right now. 

“Why did you let me talk myself into this?” I was pacing, grappling with the panic that threatened to consume me. Loki stepped into my path to interrupt my anxious behavior, only to gather me in a gentle embrace. 

“You know why. You remember what we discussed?” 

“Yes, but—“ 

Loki cupped my face between his hands. “Say the word and I will take care of the rest.” I found it difficult to accept his offer, yet I managed a reluctant nodded anyway. 

In the event that the whole ordeal became too overwhelming, which it probably would, Loki promised that he would put me under a sleeping spell for the duration for the flight. I made it clear that this was an absolute last resort. After living these last few years under the influence of a memory curse, I wasn’t super interested in altering my state of mind with magic ever again. Not even in the face of my greatest fear.

Headlights shone in the front window, prompting Loki to peer through the curtains. _Your ride is here. There’s no turning back now…_ That was when my panic slipped into overdrive. Meg was aware that I was terrified of flying, just not _how_ terrified I truly was. I didn’t want anyone besides Loki to see just how deep my fear went. _Not that this will remain a secret for very long._ The ride to the airport was only just the beginning. I didn’t even want to imagine the performance I’d give once I was actually in my seat.

They tooted the horn for us to come down and that was when I finally started to breakdown. Loki kissed my forehead, before brushing away the few tears that slid down my cheeks. “I will not let anything happen to you.” Loki pressed his forehead to mine. Surprisingly, his words comforted me enough for me to tentatively regain my composure. Once I’d dried my eyes, I follow him downstairs. 

Our slow procession to the car felt like I was inching closer to my doom. Reason told me that we would probably land in one piece, except my fear was not that rational. While Loki stowed our suitcases in the hatch, I settled into the backseat. _You can do this._ As soon as I was buckled up, Meg passed me a warm cup, “Tea. I thought it might help you relax.” 

“Thanks.” I tried not to say more than I had to. The more I spoke, the greater the chance that I might breakdown again. Mercifully, she accepted my silence and didn’t push me for more conversation. _Or it could just be the fact that is 4am?_

“We didn’t forget you, Loki.” Meg added. She handed him a cup of his own after he’d taken his place in the back with me. He took a sip and seemed surprised that she’d brought his favorite drink. “Oh yes…I know your order too, friend.” 

“You consider me a friend?”

“Of course! Why is that so surprising? Did you think that we liked to hang out with people who annoyed us?”

“I’ve not had very many friends in my time.” Loki stated matter-of-factly.

“Well now you have two…plus Eleanor if you oversimplify things.” Meg laughed. 

I pulled his arm over my shoulder, “No, I’m his **best** friend. You two are just his friends.” I didn’t care how juvenile I looked right now. Getting through these next few hours was all that I was concerned with. 

“Duly noted.”

It took us almost an hour to get to the airport and on the way I managed to calm myself down a little bit. However, that progress was short-lived. The moment that we stepped through the doors, it all came to an abrupt end. I had made it this far once before, only last time I turned around and hauled ass over to the rental car kiosk. _That’s not an option today._

While Devin and Loki checked all of our bags, I stood near the windows with Meg. “You’re tense. What would help you right now?” 

I hadn’t realized how tightly I had clenched my jaw until she pointed it out. “A distraction?”

Meg rubbed my shoulder, “Just think…at the other end of this there will cocktails.” She offered. This wasn’t that much of a consolation, considering I couldn’t enjoy a stiff drink even if I wanted to. At the same time, I was moved by how supportive she was. The last time that I’d had a friend I could be this vulnerable with was Inge. I’d all but forgotten what it was like and until now I hadn’t even realized that I missed this feeling. 

In the interest of preserving what dignity I still possessed, I tried to listen to her comforting words with the same level of trust that I would have afforded my old friend. She would never replace Inge, but it was good to have someone like her in my life again.

Not long after this, Loki returned with the baggage ticket and we went to wait near our gate. I did my best to avoid looking out any of the windows. If I pretended that I was somewhere else, I theorized that I might be able to get through this without bawling my eyes out. For a while that method worked. I even found myself laughing a few times during our conversations. Although, when they announced that we would begin boarding, cold fear sank into the pit of my stomach.

Loki had to all but drag me to the gate and the moment I stepped into the cabin, my panic spiked beyond the point of return. “Loki I can’t do this.” I tried to around turn and escape, but he wouldn’t let me past him. 

“Ele, look at me.” He whispered, but I could barely focus on anything but my fear. I was screaming inside my head and every fiber of my being begged me to run for an exit while I still could. “Dove, do not let this consume you.” 

“Loki, I have to get off this thing—“ Somehow he managed to seat me, despite my frantic effort to get away.

“Calm, yourself. You are beginning to make a scene.” He said in a quiet yet firm voice. 

When I glanced around, I notice the other passengers watching me with the look of pity that I’d learned to detest. I didn’t want to be _that_ person again, another spectacle for everyone to stare at. _But I also don’t want to be on this plane. At all._

With no other choice, I laid my head against his shoulder in defeat, doing my best to silence my panicked sobs. “Loki, please make it stop.” And without a moment of hesitation, he did what had to be done. In between sniffles, I felt myself descending into a deep sleep. 

“We will be there before you know it.” Loki whispered. 

Even as my body tried to fight the influence of his magic, I succumbed to the all-encompassing drowsiness. I had no memory of taxying down the runway, climbing to cruising altitude or landing. I simply awoke to his gentle nudging. It was difficult for me to open my eyes. I still felt sedated, even after I’d begun to break free from of his influence. 

As I came to, I mostly remember hearing Meg’s concerned voice, hovering in the space above my head. “What the hell did she take?” 

I could barely control my finer motor skills, let alone think of an effective lie to distract her. So I opted for the next best thing. When I tried to speak, all that I could utter was quiet gibberish. The second attempt yielded a slightly more intelligible attempt at, “I’m fine.” _Which was probably gibberish as well._

“She requires rest. That is all.” Loki stated. _That’s an understatement._ I felt like I could hibernate for the winter and it still wouldn’t have been long enough. Loki propped my head against his shoulder as we continued to wait. I don’t know how long we had been on the ground, but from the look on Meg’s face, I gathered that Loki had been trying to wake me for a while now. 

Soon thereafter, we were allowed to deplane and I clung to Loki the whole way. In retrospect, I realize that he had done most of the walking. I could barely hold my own head up; I don’t know how I ever thought I’d been capable of walking under my own power. 

Meg ventured ahead to order something that could pass for breakfast for the four of us. Meanwhile, Loki found a seat by the windows, mostly so that we did not attract more attention to ourselves than was necessary. He continued to keep an arm around me to hold me upright, a gesture that could easily pass for something affectionate.

“How much farther do we have to travel?” Loki asked Devin, who had been keeping an uncomfortably close watch over me. Even as groggy as I was, I could tell that our resident nurse was evaluating me. 

“The rental is about thirty minutes from here, maybe less if we don’t hit any traffic.” While Loki was busy talking, I searched his pocket for his wallet. Once I found it, I plucked out his debit card as discretely as I could. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m buying our bus tickets for the trip back.” 

Loki didn’t seem surprised. Once again he took control of the situation. He gently confiscated my phone so that he could oversee the transaction. That last thing we needed was for me to botch our departure arrangements. Just as he was finishing up, Meg returned with a tray full of overpriced fast food. It certainly wasn’t a four-course breakfast the way that Loki would have preferred, but having anything on my stomach would come as a welcome relief. 

“They know that we’re trapped in here and that is how they get away with charging a fortune for a crumb of food. Hopefully this will help you come around, hun. I’m sorry the flight was so terrible. It’s a good thing you were knocked out the whole way, though. We hit a patch of turbulence that even scared me.” Meg mentioned as she distributed a bit of food to each of us. “What’s important is that we’re all here. This week is going to be so much fun!” 

Just as I started to nibble on the hash brown, a wave of nausea surprised me. _Because this day just couldn’t get easier._ Apparently Little Blue didn’t want breakfast this morning. _Or any morning for that matter…_ The last thing I wanted was to throw up right here at the table. I certainly didn’t have the energy or the sense of direction to make it to the nearest restroom. Right away, Loki noticed the subtle shift in my demeanor, before either of our companions. He put his straw to my lips and thankfully the cold juice soothed my queasiness. 

After I managed to get another few bites down, we collected our luggage and started towards the exit. As we drew closer to the doors, I noticed Loki’s apprehension rising. While I was ecstatic to be getting away from the metal birds from my nightmares, I knew that his ordeal was only just beginning. Loki didn’t like being hot anymore than I liked flying. 

Even though I was just barely putting one foot in front of the other, I took his hand to reassure him. _Just like he would have done for me._ No matter how exhausted I was, I wasn’t about to abandon Loki in his time of need. The moment we stepped outside, we hit a wall of dry heat and I felt him hesitate. It was nearing noon and the temperatures were soaring towards the midday high. Within the first few seconds he was absolutely miserable. The weather report forecast temperatures as high as 117 today and I didn’t need a thermometer to know we were hovering right around that mark. Somehow he faced his ordeal better than I ever could. Thankfully our ride arrived before Loki had the chance to melt.

* * *

**Monday Night: High Roller**

I awoke from my nap to the thumping base that reverberated through the house. Loki was sitting in bed next to me, flipping through the pregnancy book he’d promised not to bring. I imagine he’d tucked it in a micro-dimension to sneak it past me. 

“What in the hell are they doing down there?” I mumbled, as I began to rub the sleep from my eyes. 

“I believe they are pre-gaming?” Loki mentioned, testing out the word as if he didn’t quite understand it’s meaning. 

“Oh goodie. What time is it?”

“Nine—“

“PM!? Why didn’t you wake me? I said I wanted to be up at five. Ugh! I’m going to be jet lagged the whole trip.” I sighed. 

“You needed rest. This morning was exhausting for both of us.” Loki confessed. 

“I’m sorry—“ 

Loki leaned over to kiss my forehead. “Do not apologize to me for any of this. I’m proud of you. We both agreed to this undertaking and committed ourselves to the consequences, myself included.” 

“They thought I was on drugs didn’t they?” I asked, quietly. 

“Devin? Yes, absolutely. Although, what he thinks matters very little to me.” Loki pulled me closer to lie against him as he read. 

“I thought he was your friend?” I smirked. 

“ **I** never said that.” 

“Of course you didn’t.” I grumbled. Suddenly the music grew louder and I heard a round of loud cheers erupting from down below. “What are they pre-gaming for exactly?” 

“Apparently we are going out tonight.” Loki reached onto the bedside table for a piece of paper. “They have decided to go to a nightclub and then we will make our way to a casino.”

“So you are reading the baby book instead of the notes you’ve scribbled all over for the last week and a half?” I asked, lifting a brow out of curiosity. 

“I have been reviewing those all afternoon. Trust me, I am ready. Do you doubt my preparedness?” 

“A little bit? We’re gambling with our livelihood here…forgive me if I’m a bit nervous. You can never be too prepared.” 

“We will not return to this bed empty handed. That is a promise.” 

“Ok…you better not get caught either. I’d hate to see what the jail cells are like here. They’re probably a little better than the ones back home, but still every bit as unpleasant. And I’m sure that you don’t want your pregnant wife handcuffed in central booking all night—“

“Ele, allow me worry about that. No harm to come to you.” 

“Ok. I trust you, Loki. I guess I should, considering this is after all your area of expertise.”

“Yes and now I shall provide for you and Little Blue.” His smile was reassuring and I couldn’t help grin in return. Once again, Loki seemed proud to finally have a means of contributing. Even though he never brought it up, I could still tell that his inability to do more for me was upsetting for him. It was true that he had a stable job now, but it was still peanuts compared to the resources I brought home. If Loki was only half this enthusiastic as a father, I would be content. Hell, if Loki was half this enthusiastic about the rest of this trip, that too was more than enough for me. 

“Thanks, babe.” Just to show my appreciation, I pulled him closer to press my lips to his. And we quickly lost ourselves in the moment. Loki’s hand roamed along my side, before slipping beneath my shirt. He dragged me closer until our bodies slotted together and I allowed myself fully submit to his affection. Soon that was no longer enough and he leaned lower to trail soft open kisses along my jaw, crushing the book he’d been reading between us. I of course shared his enthusiasm, although I at least had the wherewithal to toss that book aside. 

Just as I settled on top of him there was a knock on the door and for a moment we stilled, wondering if we should even answer it. Another impatient knock quickly followed. In the end, I gave up and I ambled across the room. Of course it was Meg. 

“Are you just waking up?” 

“I’ve been up for a little while now… ” 

“Great. We’re leaving in an hour. Can I come in for a second?” She asked. I glanced back at Loki, waving for him to put away the book he was reading. After he’d tucked it in a micro-dimension, I stepped aside. 

“I would have told you this earlier, but you hurried off to your room as soon as we got in. First of all I’m thrilled that you came. You just don’t know how happy I am that you pushed through this morning. I don’t know if I could have done what you did.” 

I nodded quietly, hoping that she would get to the point and stop reminding me about this morning’s ordeal. 

“Ok. These trips are pretty much an anything goes kind of vacation. I’m not sure how adventurous the two of you are. Whatever your inclination, here is a friendly warning. There will be a variety of…substances…being shared throughout the week. I myself don’t partake in anything that does occur naturally in the wild. If that’s you’re thing, there’s no judgment. If not…no judgment there either. Have fun, but not too much fun?”

“Sounds reasonable.”

“Oh! And watch out for the Anderson’s—“

“Who?”

“The red head and her husband. You two are new to the group, so they might be on their best behavior for a few hours. Unlikely…but one should hope. Once your novelty wears off…their cloths are coming off too. Everyone’s used to it by now, we kind of just ignores them. They’re just a bit eccentric. I just don’t want you to be surprised when you meet his _little Anderson_ before you’ve had your morning coffee.” Meg stated. 

While I wasn’t necessarily shocked by anything that she’d revealed, I was surprised that these were the same people I’d I briefly met before my nap. They didn’t seem at all like the wild pack of weirdos that she was warning me about. Then again, the same could be said for Loki and I to some degree.

“Thanks for the heads up.”

“No problem. Now get into something sexy and let’s put these bitches to shame. Jello shots in forty-five minutes. I made them this morning especially for the occasion. Be there. Ok?” 

“Forty-five minutes. Got it.” I laughed. 

“Fantastic.” With that, Meg hurried back to her room to finish getting ready. 

I groaned, in frustration. Sure, we could take our chances and try to squeeze in a quickie before getting ready to head out. However, in my condition, I was sure that I would be ready to crawl right back into bed if I allowed myself to get off right now. So instead of drifting into Loki’s orbit once more, I headed over to our suitcase to pick something nice to wear.

“The Anderson’s sound fun. Do you think we ought to join them?”

His statement caught me off guard, “You’re not serious are you?” 

“When in rome…”

“We’re not in fucking rome. We are **both** keeping our cloths on. You especially.” 

“What happens in Vegas—“

“If you toss one more idiom at me—“

“You’ll what? Impale me with your heels of doom?” 

“No. I didn’t know we were into that.” I said quietly. 

“Well…we don’t know that we aren’t.” Loki snickered. 

I met his gaze in the reflection of the mirror. “No, it sounds like you might be. I’d like to keep my goodies concealed, thank you very much. At least until I’m on a first name basis with these people.” 

I hadn’t come here to indulge in this many sins all at once. However, I was getting a rather strong feeling that he was interested in dabbling in at least few of them. Far from being the prude I usually was, I decided that it was only fair that I let Loki enjoy himself this week. He might as well have enough fun for the both of us, considering my condition disqualified me from the grand majority of the activities I would have liked to indulge in. 

“If you promise to keep your cloths on, I’ll giving you a free pass to do whatever you want this week. I won’t complain. I won’t nag. You’ve got my blessing to be as mischievous as your heart desires.” 

This time, Loki climbed out of bed and sauntered over to ensnare me from behind. “Interesting that you believe I need your permission to do as I please…this week or any week. I do what I want.”

I giggled, “You do? That’s not how I see it.” 

“You’re mistaken.” 

“Keep telling yourself that.” Loki scoffed before pulling away. Afterwards, he and I shared a quick shower and then we each dressed for the evening. I began to cobble together a ‘sexy’ outfit. I was not one to dress provocatively, however, I still knew how to do so. 

I slipped into Loki’s favorite green cocktail dress in the hopes that it would bring him good luck. I even found the gumption to put on a bit of make up. When I actually put in the time and effort, I could do quite well, although I rarely had the motivation to do so. Loki usually preferred me without make up and that was more than ok with me. I was lazy at the best of times. At my worst, I only needed half of an excuse to skip an extra stage of my beauty routine. 

After I’d applied a few accentuating touches, I took a few seconds to admire myself in the mirror. I still fit into this dress without looking too much like a lumpy sausage. _Even though I still felt like one._ Now I was even more appreciative that we’d come along for this trip during the early part in my pregnancy. And at the same time, I began to imagine the appearance of my bump beneath this bodycon dress. It was an inviting daydream, one that I found myself indulging in more and more often.

Just as I was pulling on my heels for the night, Loki emerged from the bathroom. For a moment we both gave each other a long up and down glance, taking in the sight of the other. He was dressed in all black, a look that I didn’t know I adored until now. And his eyes lit with adoration and pride. He didn’t have to put into words how eager he was to flaunt me. I glided over to him, taking his arm. “You look handsome.” I smiled.

“And you look delicious.” His voice hinted at his inner thoughts, the kind of velvety purr that would have me dropping my panties any other day of the week. Rather than give my horniness the chance to frustrate me, I stepped closer to Loki to straighten his tie. Tonight, we had business to attend to. There was no time to fool around.

“It’s all a part of the plan, love. I’ll be the alluring arm candy to distract everyone while you work your magic.” I whispered. 

“I do not think I could have created a better accomplice if I had tried.” Loki grinned, and I realized that Loki was in his element, doing what he did best. The joy that lit his eyes revealed flashes of the man I’d known so long ago, the man that I had met in Asgard before his life had taken so many painful twists and turns. If only for tonight, I was happy to let this version of him run wild.

Careful not to smudge me lipstick, I gave him a gentle kiss. “Impress me, Loki. Our baby needs a new nursery and a college fund.” 

“You’re a bad influence.” 

“You’re one to talk.” Normally I knew that Loki would’ve preferred to avoid the others for as long as possible, only tonight I could tell he wanted to flaunt me. And I didn’t mind because I wanted to flaunt him. 

“She emerges!” Meg cheered, as we joined the others. She approached us, with a shot in each hand. “Drink up lovelies.” I could tell that she’d already had a few herself, given the way she hugged us. We each took one from her and I watched Loki down his without a moment of hesitation. And as soon as he finished his own, I put my glass to his lips. “Eleanor, loosen up!”

“I’m the designated sober person tonight. I need to watch Loki’s wallet.” I laughed. 

“Hmm…enjoy your sobriety while it lasts. Tomorrow, you’re getting wasted.” Meg smiled, tugging me away from Loki to dance with her. While everyone else indulged in another round of shots, Loki and I prepared for battle. We were going to walk into that casino hand in hand, as a shameless scheming due.

* * *

**Tuesday Morning: Spa Day**

I yawned, quietly wishing that I could have stayed in bed. Were it left up to me, I would have snoozed until three or four in the afternoon, however, Meg insisted that I join her. It was 10am and for some reason we were leaving the house for another excursion. 

“You can’t be tired.” The woman beside me mention. Somehow I had gotten stuck sitting between a few of the ladies that I didn’t know. I couldn’t understand how everyone here was bright eyed and bushy tailed just five hours after getting in for the night, two of which had been dedicated to scraping off last nights outfit and trying to fall asleep. And of course, once I did manage to do so, Little Blue decided that it was time for me to get well acquainted with the commode.

“No. I’m still a little jetlagged.” I lied, covering up another yawn. 

“Aren’t we all? Have a little coffee and woman up.” I wagered a guess that her name was Mora and she was quickly becoming my least favorite person on trip. I had only been briefly introduced to most of these women yesterday. I was already horrible with names and now that I was sleep deprived, I gave up hope for name recall.

Ever mindful of my expression, I attempted to conceal my irritation. _For however long that lasts._ The longer the ride, the more likely it was that I’d slip up and show just how annoyed I was. Aside from the vague title of “R &R” on the itinerary, I had no idea where we were going or how long we might be cooped up in this van. 

Needless to say, I was growing more and more envious of Loki by the second. We didn’t have any other plans for another few hours after this outing. So he and the rest of our spouses had been allowed to sleep in. I could only imagine what Loki might get up to without me. Although knowing him, he was probably reading.

It wasn’t long before we pulled into a parking lot and started towards one of the buildings up ahead. Now that I was out in the open, I began to stray from the group to get some breathing room. Meg eased her way out of the gaggle of women to join me. “One of these days I’m going to convince them to schedule all day trips after noon.” Still a bit hung over from the night before, Meg put on her sunglasses in an attempt to soften the sun’s harsh rays. 

“She’s a morning person.” I added quietly. 

“I know. How tragic?” 

On our way into the building, we passed by a displayed with the name of the spa prominently written in a ridiculous frilly font. I had never been fond of places like this. When I should have been relaxed and comfortable, I was apprehensive about being touched by a complete stranger. Now I really wished that they had brought Loki instead. He might’ve actually enjoyed this outing. In Asgard, Loki regularly visited the masseuse after rigorous training sessions. And even now, I still had to work the tension out of his shoulders from time to time. 

The woman at the desk handed us each a clipboard as we entered the lobby. Most of the group dispersed into their smaller clicks of friends while they completed their paperwork. Meg and I naturally followed suit and after we had each finished, I gave our forms to the lady at the front. While we were waiting to go back into the changing rooms, the receptionist called me over. “Eleanor?” She was looking over my paperwork as I approached. 

“Did I forget to answer something—”

She shook her head, “You indicated here that you’re still in your first trimester?” 

I nodded. 

“For liability reasons, company policy prohibits us from offering you any of our massage options until you are at least fourteen weeks along. You’re still welcome to move through the facility with your group if you like...” 

“Oh…I understand. Could you process a refund then?” Right away the woman nodded and I rejoined Meg by the windows as I tried to think of a way to get out of this. Even though I hadn’t really wanted to partake in any of the spa related activities, I suddenly felt a little let down knowing that I was going to be excluded so publically. Much to my frustration, Meg noticed something was amiss. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was expecting, least of all a room full of people I didn’t know or care to know. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just some medical liability stuff.” I whispered. 

For a second she stared at me as if she were about to question me farther. Then the realization hit her. “You’re pregnant aren’t you?“ She gasped.

“Keep your voice down.” I admonished. 

Right away Meg swallowed her excitement, discretely glancing over at the rest of the group to make sure that they hadn’t overheard her. “Why didn’t you say something before?” 

“I hadn’t exactly planned to broadcast it.” 

“Does Loki know?” 

“Of course he knows!”

“This explains _so_ much. Don’t worry; I’ve got you covered. Now we have a reason to ditch these girls.” Meg smiled. She went over to her sister-in-law and whispered something to her. She didn’t seem to give a shit that we were leaving and with that Meg and I headed over to the bistro across the terrace. It wasn’t until after we were seated that she bombarded me with questions. “How did Loki take the news? Is he excited? Did you do a really cute reveal?” 

“Yes, he’s excited. And no, I did not do a fancy reveal. I just told him.” 

At that point she seemed a little disappointed. “Are you excited?” 

“Yes, I’m just…nervous. We’ve lost one before and I didn’t want to get my hopes up right away. That is why I didn’t want to tell anyone for a while. I would have told you eventually…” 

Now she appeared mortified, “Shit. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed—“

I quickly dismissed it, “You didn’t know. I’m just glad you’re happy for me. That’s what good friends do, right?” 

Meg sighed, “It is. I won’t talk about it anymore unless you bring it up first.” 

“Thank you.” 

“So…you two had a good night last night.” She smiled, trying to put that conversation behind us.

Truth be told, Loki and I had had an **exceptionally** good night. _Hell, good is an understatement!_ Before we left the house, I had been a bit apprehensive, however, within an hour Loki had more than doubled our money and then some. “Loki has a way with cards.”

“You don’t say? If you two clean up like that every night…you’re going be in a new tax bracket by the end of the week.” 

“That’s the goal anyway.” I mentioned, casually taking a sip of water.

Meg gave me a skeptical look, “Just be careful. When I went to grab our drinks, I heard some of the staff talking about you guys. They were watching and they didn’t seem very happy. Maybe try not to win too much all in one place next time?” She offered. I was surprised she didn’t condemn what we were doing. At the same time, I made a mental note to have Loki to help them win a nice chunk of change. Later on it might be in our best interest to have them on our side if we ever needed a favor or two. It also wouldn’t hurt to share our prosperity. Despite her concern, I knew that Loki had everything under control. He was no amateur. 

“Noted. What time do they finish up over there?”

Meg glanced at her phone, “We have four hours to kill. I figure we can eat brunch and do some window shopping until then.” She mentioned, beginning to look through the menu. “Oh and I’m going to stop by the place down the road for a waxing. I couldn’t get in at my usual salon before the trip and I’m desperate for a touch up. The website talked about having walk in appointments. Hopefully they’re true to their word. ” 

“Waxing? Like…eyebrows?”

Meg laughed, “No. Like…Brazilians?” 

“Oh.” 

“I’ll take that to mean that you’ve never had one?” 

I shook my head. “No. I do enough landscaping to be presentable and Loki has never complained. I guess that’s a good sign? I’ve just never felt the need to go that far.”

“It’s not about what he thinks. You don’t do it for him, you do it for you.” 

“Let me be more specific then. **I** don’t like pain. I can’t even wax my own damn eyebrows! Why would I have someone snatch the hairs off my pus—ersonal area?” I almost forgot that we were in public and the elderly woman at the opposite side of our booth divider glared at me through the gap. After that I sat back far enough so that she couldn’t make eye contact with me anymore. 

“Beauty is pain my friend—“

“My hoo-ha is pretty enough the way she is thank you very much.” I whispered.

“Everything is like silk once you’re done.” she grinned, wagging an eyebrow as if that would further persuade me.

“Is this what peer pressure feels like? Meg, my fiancé is a simple man. As long as her majesty does her job and does it well, Loki doesn’t really care how dressed up she is—“

“Dressed down would be a more accurate description.” 

“The point is…if I go back looking like a plucked chicken down there, he is not going to want to touch me and **I** will not be happy about that.” 

“Oh c’mon. Live a little.” She laughed. 

“I’ll pass. I don’t enjoy pain and I don’t make big decisions before breakfast.”

“Fair enough.” Meg let the subject drop as soon as the waitress came to take our order.

* * *

**Tuesday Afternoon: Wake and Bake**

After our failed attempt at a spa trip, we returned to the house to regroup with our spouses. I headed back to our bedroom, fully expecting to find Loki still lying in bed where I’d left him or at least in a similar position, reading one of the half dozen books he’d brought with us. Instead of a sleepy Loki, I found our bed empty. Now I was curious to know where he’d gone. It was too close to midday for him to have willingly strayed very far from the cool darkened shelter of our bedroom. After I scanned the bathroom, I returned to the common areas where the rest of the group had congregated. 

Most of the guys were seated in the living room, save for the few stragglers that were spread out on the back patio. That was when I found him. Loki was perched against the counter, quietly munching away at a box of cheese crackers that he’d apparently claimed for himself. Right away, several things stood out to me. First of all, Loki shouldn’t have been eating those. Secondly, this room was far too crowded for his liking. However, the most telling clue came as I neared him. The lingering smell that hung in the air revealed exactly what he’d gotten into.

“Where’ve you been?” Loki asked, vaguely confused by my sudden appearance.

“Out. You saw me get ready this morning.” I mentioned, taking the box from him. I don’t know how full it was when he’d started, but there were only a few crumbs left at the bottom now. _Fantastic._

“I was eating those—“

“You shouldn’t be. This is what I get for leaving you unsupervised.” 

Loki’s hand slipped around my waist and he pulled me flush against his front, “Then by all means…supervise me.” He nuzzled his face into the bend of my neck to kiss me. 

“Wow. Aren’t we affectionate?” This time his hands roamed lower until he grabbed my butt. His grip was firm and left no room for interpretation. 

“You have no idea how much I missed you.” The baritone of his voice sank into my core, affecting me as if his words were laced with magic. For a moment I damn near forgotten that we were in a room full of people. I was almost ashamed of how easily turned on I was. _Almost._ The others barely spared a backward glance, however, I knew that it wasn’t because they couldn’t see us. As best as I could, I smothered the embers of arousal that began to ignite in my core. 

“I’m sure you did.” I began to lead from Loki out of the kitchen. “Now let’s get some enzymes in you before you regret this for the rest of the week.” I managed to get him back to our room and he flopped onto the bed. “Since when do you smoke anyway?”

“You can tell?”

“Either you’ve been inconsolably crying since I left because you missed me oh so much or you’re baked. I’m not _that_ naive, Loki.”

“I would never make the mistake of assuming such a thing. However, you do sound as though you are speaking from experience.” He snickered.

“Of course I am. I just haven’t dabbled in it years.”

“And why is that?” 

“The handful of times that I did, I was trying to convince myself that I actually liked it. I wanted to enjoy it more than I did. Maybe it was the people that I was with or the strain. It’s hard to say. All I know is that I’m paranoid sober. Why put myself through all that recreationally?” I dug through my purse for the pack of tablets that I kept on me in case of emergencies. I had always assumed that such an instance would be the result of some accidental ingestion, not because Loki got a case of the munchies and forgot that he was lactose intolerant. 

“Yes, that sounds like you.” Loki answered. 

“Oh shut up.” I pushed a couple tablets in his mouth. “You’re lucky I got back when I did. Next time you’re dealing with the consequences on your own.” With nothing left to say to him, I started to tidy up. While I tucked my scattered cloths back into our suitcase, I caught Loki watching me as I moved around the room. “What?”

The partial grin faded into a delighted smile. “You’re beautiful.” He sounded so pure and heartfelt, as if he were making this observation for the first time. I don’t know why I was blushing after that, but I wasn’t about to question it. 

“Thank you for noticing.” I joined him on the bed and Loki eagerly pulled me into his arms. Although, after a few seconds in his embrace I found that I needed to come up for air. It wasn’t that I didn’t love how affectionate Loki was at the moment; it’s just that the smell that had permeated his cloths nauseated me. _Because what doesn’t these days?_ “Lets take a shower?” With very little persuasion, I managed to get Loki onto his feet. And when we finally stepped beneath the spray of steaming hot water, he held me in his arms as if I were the most precious thing in the world.

* * *

**Wednesday Afternoon: Mr. Grumpy**

Following our day trip to the Grand Canyon, we returned to the house to rest before dinner. Even though it hadn’t been very long since we’d stopped for lunch, I was hungry again and I didn’t want to raise too many eyebrows with the combination of food that I’d been craving. For the last four hours, I’d had a taste for carrots dipped in steak sauce mixed with mayonnaise and I was going to get it if that was the last thing I did today. 

When I opened our bedroom door, I found Loki in bed where I’d left him. It was already late into the afternoon and he had not even attempted to get up or to dress himself, which was unlike him. Loki hadn’t been feeling very sociable this morning, so we decided that it was best for him to keep to himself today. That turned out to be a good idea, considering it was sweltering hot outside and we spent most of the trip cramped in the van for hours. The combination of an already antisocial Loki paired with an overheated Loki would have been a disaster waiting to happen. 

“I tried to get the AC down a little more, but the damn thing is programmed to stay at eighty five during the peak demand periods. It’s even worse outside.” I mentioned, quietly sitting down on the edge of the bed. Loki didn’t reply, however the magnitude of his discomfort was apparent in his expression. He was hot and grumpy and I had just the thing for him. “On the way back, I spent a pinch of our earnings—“

“It would be helpful if you didn’t give away our money as fast as I am collecting it.” Loki said sharply. _And there’s Mr. Grumpy._

“Trust me, this didn’t break the bank. I think that you will find this to be a worthwhile purchase.” I crawled closer to him and laid an ice pack on the back of his neck. Instantly, I saw a wave of relief release the tension in his brow. “No need to thank me.” I kissed his cheek before placing the other frozen pouch on his lower back. “Keep these handy and get a cold shower if you feel up it. Did you miss me while I was gone?”

“It was quiet…”

I scoffed, “I hope you at least got some rest. We’re going to have a night on the town and I want my hubby by my side.”

“Unless we are going back to the casino, do not expect me to join you.” Loki muttered. 

“We’re just going to dinner and then for a little sight seeing. You love food. And there will be guacamole…” I tried to nudge the corner of his scowl into a smile, but Loki simply swatted my hand away in irritation.

“You cannot bribe me. Nothing that you could offer would make venturing into that heat worth my time.” 

“It can get near to freezing at night, you know? That’s the thing about deserts…they’re not great at regulating their climate. Besides, I need you there to give me the stink eye when I try to eat three entrees by myself. I’ll have you know that I ate five Belgian waffles this morning. And I still had room for more?”

“No wonder you’re looking rounder this afternoon.” Loki mentioned, reaching over to poke at the pudgy pouch I’d been nurturing over the last few weeks. Truth be told, it probably had nothing to do with the baby and everything to do with my sedentary lifestyle. At the same time, I didn’t quite need Loki to point that out for me.

“Don’t think I won’t take back my gifts over comments like that. Now you’re just being mean.” Instead of heeding my warning, Loki hooked his fingers onto the waistband of my pants, tugging me onto the bed beside him.

“Take these off of me and you will regret it.“

“Don’t threaten me, Loki. All I have to do is open that window…” Rather than irritate him farther, I repositioned the ice pack to offer him more comfort. “We only have three more days, then we leave for the bus station. You need to save some of your complaining for the ride home.” Loki sighed in what I assume was disappointment, although at this point it was difficult to tell. “It’s all for the little one.” I whispered, more to myself than to him. I gently stroked his brow and his expression softened a bit more. 

“You wore this out?” Loki gestured to my crop top and my exposed midriff section. 

“Yes, I did. It’s hot and I wanted to show off this body before my bump comes in.” I said somewhat defiantly. 

“And who were you showing yourself off to?” He asked, his voice betraying a bit of the agitation that he did little repress. 

“I am showing off my wonderful figure, so that everyone knows how lucky **you** are to have me in your life. And right now, you’re luckier than you deserve to be.” 

“You are going to get someone hurt with that attitude. I won’t hesitate to readjust another mans neck if catch him leering at my wife.” 

I rolled my eyes, “They can look all they want, but at the end of the day I’m in bed with you and clearly you still need to be in it by yourself.” I went to leave and at this point Loki must have sensed that he’d actually pissed me off this time. 

“Was the trip at least worth the effort?” _Now you’re made a half-assed attempt to smooth things over with me?_

“I guess. All we did was stand around and look at a big hole in the ground. Six hours of driving for thirty minutes of selfies. I should’ve printed out a picture off the internet, those are all way better than mine anyway.” 

“You didn’t have to go. That was your choice.”

“Yes, you’re right. Instead of actually trying to have fun, I could’ve laid here with you all day. I think I had a better time **not** walking out on that glass observation deck. Why does this trip continue to exploit my fear of heights? You know they’re planning to go jump off a building tonight—“

“Surely your company was not that insufferable.” Loki snickered.

“Just for that, I might drag you up there so that I can push you off the edge myself.” 

“You wouldn’t dare—“

“Keep testing me Loki and you’ll find out.” Loki attempted to pull me closer, but I resisted. After being an asshole for the last ten minutes, now he sought comfort after being miserable in my absence. Beneath all of that bitterness, Loki was still as needy as ever. At the same time, I wasn’t about to reward him for being rude to me. He was an adult and he could handle being unhappy for a little while longer. _At least until I’m done being irritated with him._

When he tried to kiss me I turned away, allowing his lips to land on my cheek. “I need to shower. I smell like an athlete right now.” With that I pulled myself out from his embrace and I sauntered into the bathroom to bathe.

* * *

**Wednesday Night: Two Truths and a Loki**

“Two truths and a lie? About Loki?” 

“Yes ma’am and don’t give us anything boring.” Meg laughed. 

“Ok, let me think—“ 

“No. It has to be the first thing that comes to mind.” Rachel insisted. I glanced at Loki, finding some amusement in his reaction to their little game. I had no intentions of divulging anything too personal, although I still wanted to have a little fun with this. 

“Ok…he’s super into norse mythology.” I thought Loki might choke on his water after I said that. 

Meg rolled her eyes, “Well with a name like Loki, that isn’t hard to believe. C’mon…give us something interesting.”

“Ok fine. He’s exceptionally skilled with a blade. Daggers are his favorite but a sword won’t hurt either. Loki hates vegetables, specifically anything that could be found in or near a salad. And…he’s a really bad liar.” 

“The second one is true. I have seen that man _pretend_ to eat a salad before. The only things that he would touch were the croutons and the grilled chicken.” Meg chuckled. 

“That just leaves swordsmanship and lying.” Rachel added. 

“Wasn’t Loki the god of lies or something in mythology?” Marianna asked. 

“One could argue that he still is. That is not fact that would ever cease to be true.” Loki mentioned with a smirk.

“So really our choices are…does he know how to use a sword or has he betrayed his namesake?” Devin clarified. 

I nodded, “Yup, pretty much.” 

Meg narrowed her eyes, “He’s graceful…but I don’t see him waving a sword around or throwing daggers for that matter. I’m going to call bullshit on that one. So the last one must be true.” The others chimed in in agreement. 

I snickered, “If you say so.”

“Well is it true?” Marianna asked. 

“Yup. You’re all correct.” I snickered.

“What about Eleanor? Care to share anything juicy?” Meg asked, turning her attention to Loki now and we smiled wickedly. It went without saying that this game just became three lies and no truths what so ever.

* * *

**Much Later Wednesday Night: Around the World in 80 Minutes**

While Meg and others had all gone to bungee jump off the observatory, Loki and I finally got to have some quiet time away from the rest of the group. Coming into this trip, we knew that they’d had a lot planned for us to do, however, it had turned out to be more of a never-ending parade of excursions that kept us busy from dusk until dawn. I suppose that is how most people preferred to spend their vacations. If we were like most people, surely it would have been enjoyable. Only it was getting exhausting. Tonight, we finally slowed things down to a pace that we enjoyed. 

Loki offered me his hand as I stepped into the gondola. As soon as we seated, the gondolier steered us adrift into the canal. The night was cool and the bright lights along the strip reflected off of the water. We might not have been in the real Venice, but this was pretty romantic too. 

I scooted closer to Loki and he slipped his arm around my waist. “I just realized something.” 

“What?”

“We don’t have to travel anymore. We’ve seen Venice, there’s the Eiffel Tower, and somewhere around here is the Statue of Liberty. That’s everything I wanted to see. One stop shop.” I giggled. 

“And that is good enough for you?” Loki inquired, albeit a bit skeptical. 

“Yes, because we can’t drive to Europe. Now lady Liberty, we might get to see her for real one day. I think you would like New York City.”

“I’ve passed through there before.”

“When? Why is this the first I’m hearing of this?”

Loki shrugged, “If it is any consolation I did not stay very long. It was during the time that I wondered this land in search of you.”

“Did you like it?”

“I would’ve if you had been there. And even then…only for brief stints.” 

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” I chuckled, “We can squeeze in another few road trips before Little Blue arrives. It won’t be so easy to pick up and go with a tiny person to look after.” I tilted my head up just far enough to share one brief kiss.

“We’ll manage. They have a an entire realm to see, we must start somewhere.” Loki added. 

“As long as it doesn’t involve anymore flying—“

“Or another desert.” Loki added. 

“Yeah. Let’s pass on both of those. I have a feeling the little one won’t care for them either.”

In the silence that followed, I imagined toting Little Blue along on long cars ride up to New York to see the sights or to Maine to visit the Mom and Scott. It wouldn’t be the same as the last time we’d gone up for the holidays. The drive there was sure to be a two or three day adventure in itself. Nevertheless, I looked forward to it. I wondered how the baby would react to seeing snow for the first time, especially given Loki’s background. Perhaps they would feel right at home or maybe they’d take after me and find the cold to be unpleasant. However they felt about snow, it was sure to be an adorable occasion. 

I didn’t verbalize any of these thoughts. I was still too nervous to make plans for a future that may never come to fruition. Loki must have sensed the tension that began to gather in me. Instead of seeking an explanation, he tightened his arm around me and I leaned into his embrace. That was all it took to bring me back to reality.

* * *

**Thursday Night: The Magician**

When they’d said we were going to a show tonight, I’d assumed it would involve a musical number or some kind of circus act. This, however, was something altogether different. We followed our group inside, past the ticketing booths and into the main atrium. All the while Loki quietly surveyed the venue, passively taking in the experience. I half expected him be more curious about the show. Except for the first time in history, Loki wasn’t asking a million and one questions. I suppose he had finally resigned himself to enduring each of the events that I managed to drag him to this week.

At this point it had become something of a game for me. I wondered how long it would take for Loki to realize that we’d come to see a “magician”. I had no idea how he was going to react once he figured it out, although, I was hoping that he was in a good enough mood to laugh about it. At least then the show could be something akin to a comedy for the two of us. 

We shuffled through the throngs of people who were lined up at the concessions counter and then filed up the stairs that lead to our seats on the upper mezzanine. As we neared our row, one of the ushers gave us each a booklet for tonight’s show. It wasn’t until we were seated that Loki finally had the chance to leaf through it. “Who is he?” He asked, gesturing to the man on the cover.

“A performer…” I answered, holding back a smile.

Loki didn’t like that answer, so without missing a beat he turned to Devin. “What performance have we come to see?”

“This guy? He’s an illusionist—“ Before Devin could finish explaining, Loki started to leave. 

“Where are you going? Don’t you want to see the magician?” I laughed. 

“I’ll meet you back at the house. I have better things to do with my time than to—“ 

“No, lets stay. It could be…interesting?” The look that he gave me was the most annoyed expression I had received in years. In two seconds flat, were back in the early days. The times where he would glare at me from the opposite side of his reading nook, cursing the fact that I existed to irritate him day in and day out. And as strange as it was, I found that I missed those uncomfortable weeks by his side. I fondly remembered my delight in those awkward firsts and the feelings of accomplishment when I managed to get under his skin. “I can’t believe you don’t want to see him do his magic tricks? I thought you might enjoy this.” 

Meg turned around out of curiosity. “Wait…you don’t like magic?” 

Loki continued to glare at me, an unmoved look of irritation lingering in his expression. Fed up with my shenanigans, he left it to me to come up with something to say to Meg. “Oh he loves magic. He’s something of an amateur magician himself. He’s just getting the hang of some basic card tricks.” That earned a hard pinch and I stifled a yelp. 

Just as Loki attempted to slip past me, the lights went down and he begrudgingly settled in his seat. 

“This is not amusing. I will not sit and watch some ignorant Midgardian make a mockery of a science that he is incapable of comprehending—“ The woman behind us shushed him and I felt the air bristle with the energy of his siedr. 

“Fine. We can leave once they’re all paying attention to the show.” I whispered.

After a few minutes of what amounted to torture for Loki, he and I decided to take a walk. Now that the boiling heat of the day had relented, Loki finally got to enjoy the scenic strip. Tomorrow was our last night in this city. Our whole trip seemed to fly by. I was almost disappointed that it was coming to an end. _Almost._ I missed Kat, Ollie, and even Spirit. He didn’t like me all that much, so I doubt if he really missed me, but I missed him.

“You know, I’m glad we came and not just for the gambling. I didn’t realize how much we needed a vacation.”

“It has had its moments.” Loki confessed. 

“You can say that you had fun babe. I won’t think less of you.” 

“I don’t want to take any chances.” He offered with an air of sarcasm. 

“Fine. Have it your way. The only thing I could complain about is how much alcohol there is at every turn. I can’t even have a tiny sip—“

“Even if you could, I wouldn’t permit it. You haven’t proven to me that you know how to handle yourself. Last time you were breaking dishes over my head and crawling around the house in the nude.” He chuckled.

“Stop exaggerating! I was not that far gone. Besides, you’ve had more than enough for the both of us. You haven’t passed one up all week.” 

Loki shrugged, “I have indulged in far worse in my lifetime.”

“So this is nothing for you then?”

“I wouldn’t call it nothing. Tame is a better way of phrasing it.” Loki tugged me closer so that I fit under his arm as we continued farther through the sleepless city. 

“Well I guess we’d better step our game up. We have 48 hours to do something reckless and stupid.” I jested. 

He smirked, “What did you have in mind?”

“Well hard core drugs and binge drinking are off the table. Plus we’ve also scratched extreme gambling off our list. We can either get married or get conspicuous and inappropriate tattoos. Pick your poison.” I laughed. 

“Tattoo it is. Where is the nearest parlor?”

“Funny.” I giggled, “We should probably get back soon. It’s past your bed time and you know how cranky you get when you’re hot **and** exhausted.”

Loki stopped and I looked at him in search of an explanation. “Where is the nearest tattoo parlor?”

“Loki I didn’t actually mean—“

“I did.” He was serious and that was what made me nervous. 

“Let’s not make any drastic decisions. Tattoos are permanent. This isn’t something you should do on a whim—“ 

“I am aware of that. It is my choice and I have already made up my mind. Now where is the nearest parlor?”

Dumbfounded, I stood there in silence. I didn’t know what else to say. I certainly wasn’t about to help him follow through with this poor decision. “I don’t know.”

Loki smiled, amused by my attempt to obstruct his plans. “Why the sour expression.”

“Because I don’t want you to rush into this.” 

“A tattoo is only as permanent as I allow. For someone who was so eager to learn, you seem to forget the power that you and I wield with our seidr.” Loki kissed my lips this time before moving far enough back for me to see his satisfied grin. 

Even though Loki spoke the truth, I still didn’t take this decision lightly. “What would you even get? Have you even thought about that?”

“I have—“

“And?”

“I’m not telling you.”

I groaned, “Please tell me you aren’t about to get a tramp stamp.”

“A what?”

“Never mind. Let me make this perfectly clear, I am 1000% opposed this.” I stated, however, Loki was too busy looking up the nearest shop to really pay attention to what I was saying.

“There is a shop in this direction.” Loki took my hand and began to guide me to the parlor that he’d found.

“This is a bad idea.”

Loki smirked. “Very. Isn’t that what you wanted?” 

“No. I was only joking.” Along the way, our conversation consisted of me repeatedly telling him not to follow through with this in some variation. Meanwhile, Loki laughed at my persistence, grinning like an idiot the more desperate I became. I had no doubt that he was getting some sick thrill out of stressing me. So by the time we were in the waiting area, I was all out of complaints and I had resigned to the fact that Loki was going to do this without my support. 

When it was his turn to go to the back, Loki nudged me. “Will you come with me while it is being done?”

“You’re an adult. Go make your own bad choices. You don’t need me there to hold your hand.” Even after that barbed reply, Loki kissed my cheek and sauntered off the back. The whole time he was gone, I was kicking myself for even suggesting this. 

After fifteen minutes at the most, Loki returned and I felt a wave of a relief. I didn’t see any tattoos and it was too quick to have gotten anything too ostentatious. “You’re done already?” 

“Yes.”

“Where did you put it?” 

“I will show you when we get back to the house—“

“You put it somewhere in your pants didn’t you?” 

“Maybe. You would know if you had gone back there with me.”

“Sometimes I really don’t like you.” I tried to walk away, but his hands slipped around my waist. 

“If you didn’t care you, you wouldn’t be this upset with me. Now stop throwing a fit—“

“Don’t try to make my anger sound so loving. I _am_ still upset with you. And I have every right to be.” I pulled away from him and started down the stairs to the exit. 

“I was told that you would not nag or protest any of my decisions for the duration of this trip. I see that you’ve changed your mind.”

“Loki that was different. This isn’t what I was talking about.”

“Isn’t it?” 

“Whatever.” 

I didn’t speak to him for the whole ride back. When we arrived the house was silent, as everyone else was still at the show. So we took advantage of having the place to ourselves and began to get ready for bed. I took a quick shower, crawled under the covers and had every intention of holding my silence until the morning. Meanwhile, Loki sat up on his side of the bed, reading another one of the books that he’d brought, completely unbothered by all that had just transpired between us. As I was getting comfortable, I noticed the small bandage on his side. 

Now that I finally had some time to cool off, I was genuinely curious about what design he’d gotten. Without a word to him, I gently peeled away the tape at the edges to uncover his new ink. Loki allowed me to remove the dressing and beneath all that gauze were a few bold black lines. “That’s it?” I looked at him in confusion. However the longer I looked at it, a sudden clarity began to settle in my brain. Nestled between a pair of his ribs, the small runes translated to my name. I didn’t understand why he went through all of this for a couple lines. 

“You are as suborned as ever. Did you really think that I would rather have anything else mark my person?” I didn’t answer, still too concerned to find my words. “It is not yet complete and I require your assistance.” Loki close his book and turned to face me.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“While it is still fresh, my body is receptive to otherwise intrusive incantations.” Loki took my hand in his and he gently brushed his fingers across the bangle that he’d given me all those years ago. “Healing this will require a special charm that you have yet to learn.”

“Loki this isn’t the time for a lesson.”

“Repeat after me.” 

“Loki—“

“Repeat after me…please?” 

Knowing him, he was going to persist until I did as he asked. So in the interest of getting this over with, I complied. I listened to his pronunciation until I could repeat the charm without error. Then when he was satisfied, he placed my hand over the freshly inked tattoo and I whispered the incantation. I felt my hands warm with the buzzing energy of the spell and then a sliver of my seidr affixed itself to the runes that decorated his skin. It welded a piece of my metaphysical being within the ink and immediately I pulled my hand away, startled by the intensity of the exchange. 

Having anticipated this, Loki smiled before bringing my knuckles to his lips. “You are a part of me now, just as I am a part of you.” Loki brushed his fingers across the delicate engravings on my bangle once again. “I can feel your happiness, your fear, and your pleasure. Now you will know mine. From this day forth we will never truly part, not as long as we each choose to carry a piece of the other.”

“Why didn’t you tell me what you were planning to do?”

“I wanted to surprise you.” He grinned. “And you did not do yourself any favors when you annoyed me earlier. You simply gave me the excuse that I was looking for.”

“You’re so spoiled!” I groaned, although I couldn’t find it in my heart to stay upset with him. “Why put it there?”

“A blade thrust between these ribs will pierce the heart.” I touched the raised inscription, trying not to think about why Loki knew this or how many times he himself had delivered such a lethal blow. “If anything were to happen to you, it would feel the same.” It saddened me to think of Loki in that much despair, but I understood what he meant.

“Why now?”

“Several reasons. Practically speaking, you were not strong enough to perform the spell any sooner. I have been considering it for sometime…”

“What finally made up your mind?” 

“I was lying awake the other night, admiring you as one does and it occurred to me. You are nurturing my seed within you, creating something that will one day become a person. No matter what happens, I cannot begin to compensate for the sacrifices you have or will make because of this. This is a debt that I can never hope repay.“ Loki lifted my wrist to inspect the bangle. “The least I could do is show where my heart truly lies. When I tell you that I love you or that I am thankful for the child you intend to give me, I want you to know that I am sincere.”

And just like that, Loki had swept me off my feet. One second I was angry with him and the next I was knee deep in love with him. The way that he so effortlessly swayed my emotions was an art in and of itself. _I can’t even control them this well._ At the same time, the significance of this gesture was not lost on me. This was one of the sweetest things Loki had ever done. I knew this because I **knew** him. There was a reason he didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve. Even with me, Loki struggled to expose his vulnerabilities. But now that choice was out of his hands and in mine. 

I touched my inscription, immediately feeling the vividness of his emotions. I finally understood why he handled my bangle with such care. It heightened the perception, allowing me to feel his sentiments as though they were my own. Loki had always had this privilege where I was concerned. The only difference is that it had come under different circumstances. Although, Loki never truly needed a window into my soul to know how I felt about him. For what it was worth, I had always been an open book. There was no filter between my brain and my mouth when it came to matters of the heart. 

In the end, I didn’t know what to say. So rather than continue to over analyze my response, I did the only thing that I could think to do. I kissed him, allowing my actions to speak more eloquently than my words. 

Of course Loki kissed me back. He deepened each passionate peck until I was needy and desperate for his affection. My hands roamed his body to admire him with my touch, worshiping his body with my own. I loved this man with all of my heart. Giving him a child was only the beginning of all that I was willing to do for him. Soon, simply kissing him no longer satisfied me. I wanted to feel the warmth of his skin against mine and the sturdiness of his body beneath me. When I straddled his hips, I gazed down at him and for the first I felt the full strength of our bond. Loki was mine, a fact that he enthusiastically embraced.

Without an ounce of reservation, I gave him the intimacy that he desired. Every quiet sigh that escaped him was a small victory and the closer he came to his climax, the more patient I was with my love. I wanted to feel his pleasure right up until the very moment that I brought him to his end. Loki, however, had other plans. Unsatisfied with how gingerly I regarded him, he turning me over to take me with impassioned urgency. I braced myself beneath him, undulating each time that his sure thrusts jolted my body. 

Then in an instant, we both slipped over the edge. Loki’s unraveling sparked my own and at one point I had no idea where his pleasure began or where mine ended. The sensations all mingled together in blur of euphoria. I trembled in the wake of my orgasm, quaking with the intensity of our shared experience. 

Before he’d fully caught his breath, Loki collapsed onto the bed beside me and the warmth of the afterglow began to settle over us. As I lay there in his embrace, I quieted my mind to listen to the sentiments that filled his heart. _Love. Contentedness. Joy._ All things that Loki had grown accustomed to living without. I lazily raked my fingers through his hair, savoring the fact that I had given him the chance to know what it meant to love and be loved in return. He wanted no more than he already possessed, me and the life that we had together.

For much of the night we shared passionate kisses and loving whispers until the need for sleep became too great to ignore. This was as much of a perfect ending to our vacations as I could’ve hoped for. It had brought us closer together and reminded me of why I’d fallen in love with him in the first place. And as much as I had enjoyed our time here, I was ready to get back to our normal life. 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I really hope you enjoyed these fun little snippets. In total I had to cut about six pages from the final draft and it was _still_ a monster to edit. So that was fun. Worst case scenario I'll incorporate some of those chunks in subsequent chapters because I really liked a lot of the pieces that I had to let go. 
> 
> I'm so sorry it took so long to get another update. To say that it has been a rough semester is putting it **way** too lightly. I've been away from this work for too long and I honestly just needed to escape with these two for a while. Let me know what you think! The next chapter is much shorter so it should be easier to finesse into my schedule. I'll try to have that up for you sometime soon!


	46. The Truth Shall Set You Free

I wrung my fingers as I started down the hall. It was late, long after I claimed to have turned in for the night. No matter how hard I tried, I simply couldn’t sleep. There were just too many things on my mind for me to rest peacefully. And it didn’t help that Loki had made me to tuck myself in. 

After we’d gotten back from our vacation, he’d spent almost every night in his study. I couldn’t exactly complain about his reclusive behavior. I **had** asked a lot of him. Loki had ventured far beyond his comfort zone at my request and for the better part of two weeks, he was often confined in close proximity with total strangers. So it was no real surprise that he retreated even farther into his hermit shell when we finally got back to home. Just because I didn’t complain, it didn’t mean that I wasn’t starting to get a little lonely.

The soft glow of the lamp he kept over his shoulder spilled its dim rays into the hall. As the only luminous light source downstairs, I was drawn like a moth to a flame. I continued through the kitchen, attempting to keep my footsteps quiet as I approached. I don’t know why I thought that I could sneak up on him. Loki certainly knew that I was here. We were, after all, the only two people living in this damn house. Yet, I still found comfort in knowing that I had a way out if I changed my mind. Just shy of the doorway, I found myself frozen in place. Loki was quiet, all except or the quiet turn of a page ever now and again. After lingering for several seconds longer than I should have, my confidence began to fail. _Maybe I should wait until the morning…_ Following that thought, I started to take a step back towards the hall. 

“You must have come down here for something.”

With my cover blown, I reluctantly stepped out of the shadows. “How long did you know I was there?”

“I heard you get out of bed. This house is old, it does not keep anyone’s secrets.” He beckoned me over to sit with him and without hesitation I obliged. Loki pulled me onto his lap and he immediately closed his book. That action alone told me how seriously he was taking this. As pleased as I was to have his undivided attention, it only made me more nervous. While he waited expectantly for me to start talking, I could only sit there in silence, picking at my cuticles. “You would not be awake at this hour if you did not have something weighing heavily on your mind.” Loki kissed my cheek, in a not-so-subtle attempt to coax a response out of me.

“I don’t like sleeping alone.” 

“Do you feel that I’ve neglected you?” 

“No…not really. You’ve always valued your alone time—“

“And you have always valued **our** alone time.”

“Loki, I know how you are and I respect your need for space. It’s ok.“

“You would not have mentioned it if it were.” He began to stroke my hair, seeming to take just as much comfort in this gesture as I did. “This is not what got you out of bed though, is it? There is more…”

At first I hesitated to answer him, “No.”

“Ele...”

“I’ve been thinking about the baby a lot.” I said quietly. After I’d said it, I realized that I didn’t like how fragile my voice sounded. Still, Loki waited patiently for me to continue. “I’m trying not to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to spend the whole nine months worrying about all of the things that could go wrong. There’s something I want to do… and I need your help to do it.” 

“Tell me.”

“I want— _need_ to go to the obstetrician. I need someone to tell me that everything is going to be ok.” Normally, I never have trouble reading Loki’s expression. But even now that I could see into him, his emotions in that moment were complicated, presenting a challenge for me to decipher. _Not that I was about to let that stop me from trying._ “Before you say anything, I already know what you’re thinking. What if the wrong people finding out about this? I do genuinely worry about that too, but at the same time…all this uncertainty is driving me crazy. I want to look forward to this like everyone else does…I just don’t want my heart broken again.” Getting all of that off my chest was relieving, until the anxiety began to gather as I waited to hear his answer. 

Loki let out a slow measured breath, “You make a reasoned argument—“

“But?” 

“But I value your safety above all else.”

My heart sank, “You don’t want me to go? I thought you would be on my side—“

“That is not what I said. What **will** happen if the wrong people discover our child? Is that a risk you are willing to take just so that you can sleep easier at night for the next few months?”

“What if something is disastrously wrong and we miss the chance to…fix it?” Loki’s expression faltered for a split second and the momentary shifting of his conviction echoed through our bond. Taking advantage of this, I persisted in one last attempt at persuading him. “I wasn’t just going to waltz in there, hand them our address and announce that I was carrying a scientific novelty. I actually have a plan.” 

Still unwilling to concede, Loki sighed, reluctant to hear anymore about this. “Enlighten me.”

“If it’s not too difficult, you can alter our appearance with magic. And I’ll do my best to help you with that so it won’t be too much of a strain on you. Then we’ll go out of state to a walk-in clinic somewhere. I won’t let them take blood or anything like that. I just… _we_ need to do this. And you can try to convince me that you’re not even a little worried, but I know better than that.”

“I am not as strong as I once was. We cannot continue to tempt fate and expect our good fortune to last—“

“A heartbeat…that’s all that I need to hear, Loki.” That was the moment I saw his walls come down and I knew that I’d gotten through to him, even if he himself had yet to realize it. “I’m consulting you because I **want** to think this through. I don’t want to be impulsive or to risk ruining everything that we’ve fought so hard to attain. The only way that I can do this, the right way, is with your help.” 

There was a conflicted gleam in his eyes. The rational part of him still wanted to protect me at all costs. At the same time, he was beginning to confront fact that protecting me now involved some calculated risks. “I will consider it.”

“Please?”

“I will consider it.” He reasserted, although his words didn’t match his sentiment. Like he’d mentioned the other night, I could see for myself what truth resided in his heart. And what I saw, was someone who only wanted to keep me safe from harm. Rather than dwell on the situation, Loki changed the subject. “Did you sleep at all tonight? The sun will be rising in another hour.”

“No. Maybe I’m still jetlagged.” I answered as I leaned into his embrace. “Will you read to me? That always used to work before…” I felt more than I heard his amused chuckled. Then without delay, Loki reached over to pick up his book to continue from where he’d left off. 

I don’t remember falling asleep, I only recall waking up as he was settling in bed behind me. The chilly sheets were jarring, so I snuggled closer to him so that I could warm up as his little spoon. Although when I did, I felt his distress as vividly as if it were my own. In the days since I’d established this bond with him, I’d learned more about Loki than I had in all the years that we had been together. It wasn’t that Loki never share his insecurities with me, he only ever did so in a calculated manor. Now that he had relinquished this last barrier of privacy, I felt his anxieties in real time, the ones that kept him up late into the night. Outwardly he never showed any of this inner turmoil, save for the minor quirks that I had learned to pay attention to. Now I understood that there was **so much** more lurking beneath the surface with him. 

Unable to ignore this visceral reaction, I turned over so that I could hold him. “What’s bothering you?”

“You need to rest. Sleep while you still can.”

“No, I’m awake now.” I gently slipped my arm over his side, allowing my hand to roam higher until I found the raised marking that held my incantation. An involuntary rush of clarity swelled in my chest. I felt every nuance of his unease: the echoes of the anguish that he had experienced the day we were separated and the oppressive desolation in the years that followed. “No one is going to take me away, Loki. And I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.” He simply looked at me, refusing to admit that this was the fear that lingered ominously in the forefront of his mind. “I feel what you feel. Have you already forgotten about how much of this I can see now?” 

“I haven’t forgotten.” His tone was curt, betraying the frustration he felt towards himself for not having better control over his emotions.

“Then you know what it’s like. Your pain is my pain.” This time I propped myself up on my elbow. “Talk to me...”

“You’re right.“ _That’s not something I get to hear everyday._

I leaned forward to kiss his temple. “About what exactly?”

“You should visit with the healers for an evaluation. I want to know that your health is not in jeopardy.” I watched Loki’s apprehension in the dim morning light. _Even when he’s worried, he’s handsome._

“Are you sure? You’re not just telling me this because you think its what I want to hear?”

“No.” Loki pulled me into his embrace, refusing to say anything more than that. So I chose not to either.

“Ok.” 

As the week labored on, Loki began to conserve his energy in preparation for our daylong incognito mission. That also meant that my lessons were suspended until after our appointment, just in case he needed my help with maintaining the illusion. He insisted that he could manage on his own, however, I didn’t want to take any chances.

* * *

Finally, today was the day. I stood in front of the mirror, trying on the third consecutive pair of pants while Loki sat at the end of the bed, watching me with an expression that landed somewhere between amused and sympathetic to my struggle. Each pair that I'd attempted to button had just barely closed and once they did, the waist was uncomfortably tight around my midsection. To a perfect stranger I didn’t look all that pregnant, but to my pants, I was a _smidge_ too big. The third pair wouldn’t even close, so I gave up and threw them at the hamper in a fit frustration. _Why not just go naked? You’re going to be shrouded in magic anyway._

“Take a deep breath and calm yourself.”

“I shouldn’t need a maternity belt this early, right?” 

Loki shrugged, “I suppose each body carries a child differently…” He sauntered over to the dresser and dug through one of the drawers until he found one of my skirts with the stretchy waistband. It wasn’t exactly in season now that the days were getting cooler or even my fifth favorite skirt, but it would fit. _And I guess that’s all that matters?_ “You should be more comfortable in this.” He added. 

“Thank you.” I kissed him before stepping into the garment. “I guess we can ask the doctor about it when we get there.” 

“Yes. Then on the way home, we should pick up whatever articles of clothing you require. I do not think that I can endure another day of this.”

“I’m not that unbearable. I just got a tiny bit frustrated—“

“No, I am referring to the sight of you struggling to fit into those jeans. Watching you like this, growing with my seed is divine. Were I to have it my way, you would not be leaving this room for a _very_ long time. We may both lose our jobs if this is what I can expect to look forward to each morning…” His hand slipped down to caress the gentle slope of my belly. _Which, again, was still more of a food baby than an actual one._

“Nobody is losing their job. Do you know why? Because starting today, we’re going to practice some self-control.” I grinned.

Loki kissed the nape of my neck, moving higher until he’d reached the shell of my ear. “We can always go another weekend.”

“No. We’re going _this_ weekend. Today.” With that I pulled out of his embrace, forcing myself to stomp out those embers of arousal that threatened derail this whole operation. 

“So be it. The train leaves in thirty minutes. Let us be on our way.” 

“Yes, Sir.” I grabbed my purse and followed Loki to the car. And without a word to me, Loki donned our disguises. He took the appearance of one of the guards that I had seen many times around the palace, only this time he was dressed casually and not in the cumbersome armor that would have camouflaged him back in Asgard.

“Do you base your illusions on real people or do you just get creative?”

“That truly depends on the occasion.” Loki answered, giving me a knowing look as he settled in the drivers seat. _So that **was** you…_

Before I could even go on to ask him about my various sightings of this “guard,” I noticed my own reflection. “This…is trippy.” It was both fascinating and wildly unsettling to look in the mirror and see a total stranger staring back at me. For the last twenty odd years, I’d grown accustom to seeing the same familiar face and now I’d just gotten recast. I wouldn’t say that it was an improvement; it was just…different? “Is there any particular reason I’m blonde now? Also where is the rest of my hair?” I leaned forward to run my fingers through the short pixie cut. 

Loki rolled his eyes, “Which color would you prefer?”

“I don’t really think I have a preference? I was just wondering how you chose _this_ look for me?” 

“I did not want to risk your bearing any resemblance to yourself.“

“Yeah that’s **definitely** not happening now.” I snorted, continuing to explore this new persona. My eyes were green and I even had a small gap between my front teeth. “How is this illusion so detailed?” 

“One day I will teach you.” He answered, obviously underwhelmed by our transformation. 

“You never answered my question.” I continued.

“You ask so many that it is impossible to keep track of them all.” Loki mentioned dryly. 

“Am I modeled after a real person?”

Loki smirked, “Yes, a former consort of mine—“

“Are you fucking with me?

“Yes.”

“Well don’t. Because if that’s true, I want a new face. Don’t make me look like one of your exes.”

“Eleanor…let us stay focused on the objective of this mission. I swear to you, I have no ulterior motives.” 

I rolled my eyes at the fact that he’d called me by my given name. “Whatever, Loki.”

After we boarded the train, it took a couple hours to make it to our station. _Although it felt like more like an eternity…_ To the rest of the world we were just another regular, unremarkable couple. We made our way to the clinic and signed in using a few aliases. The longer we were there, the more apprehensive I became. This didn’t escape Loki’s notice. He took my hand to calm my nervous jitters, although, it wasn’t long before they called us to the back and put us in an exam room where I found myself having to do the very same for him. 

When the doctor arrived, I did most of the talking and Loki was happy to fall into the background. He made it perfectly clear that he was only there for logistical and moral support. Finally she had me lie back on the table and then squirted a generous amount of jell on my lower stomach. It wasn’t quite as cold as I had anticipated. Loki took my hand and when I looked up at him, he allowed me to see through the allusion. It was no longer the face of a stranger looking back at me, I saw my husband. His expression reassured me without words and I did my best to put on an equally brave face for him. 

“Will you be able to determine if he is a male?” Loki asked, allowing a smirk to tug at the corner of his lips.

Our doctor laughed at Loki’s forwardness, “It is still a bit too early to tell. Are you hoping for a son?” 

“I think he might try to send it back if it’s a girl.” 

“Believe you me, he’ll come around. They always do.” She continued as she pressed the probe a little harder against my belly. I did my best to stay calm, however, she seemed to be having trouble finding the right spot. She even tested a few different angles to no avail. A cold sense of dread began to settle in my chest. _Did you come all this way, just to have your heart broken into a thousand sharp little pieces?_

“Is something wrong?” Loki asked so that I wouldn’t have to. 

“Sometimes they can hide really deep in there, especially during the first trimester. At this stage they’re still so small—“ That was when we heard it, the quick wushing sound filled the room and it was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. For a few moments all I could do was lay there and grin from ear to ear. Our little one was there, with a strong racing heart to prove it. “There they are.” She pointed to the fuzzy silhouette displayed the screen and it was love at first sight. 

Loki found his voice before I did. “Does everything appear to be normal?”

“So far, so good.” 

Suddenly everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. I didn’t know whether to be terrified or elated with this reassuring news. So naturally, my body tried to do both at once. I ended up laughing as I cried, a confused mixture of two emotions expressing themselves in unison. Meanwhile, Loki attempted to comfort me as much as he could, given the circumstances. My doctor didn’t seem at all that shocked. Surely in her line of work she had seen a million different reactions, although I’m sure my emotional acrobatics were still pretty noteworthy. With that being said, she did little to acknowledge my outburst as she completed the exam.

“Good news, everything looks healthy for mom and baby. As you know, this can be a very emotional time. These hormonal ups and downs affect everyone differently so try not to be too hard on yourself. Fingers crossed that we continue to have an easy pregnancy?” The woman said, attempting to reassure both of us. 

“Yes, fingers crossed.” I managed to say. 

I dried my tears and tried to maintain my composure until the conclusion of our appointment. The rest of our time in the exam room was a blur. She talked at us about all the dos and don’ts and what to expect moving forward. For some reason she felt the need to emphasize the fact that I shouldn’t engage in any abnormally strenuous exercise. _Not that I’d **ever** be tempted to do something like that in the first place._ Perhaps my disguise gave the impression that I was the athletic type. Little did she know, beneath all this magic there was is a couch potato with an allergy to cardio.

Then she gave us a few print outs of the sonogram. I was glad that Loki was at least paying attention to the rest of what she was saying because my attention was glued to the little black and white pictures. While I still couldn’t exactly put a face to the name, I knew that Little Blue was more than just a figment of my imagination. This bigheaded alien was the reason I couldn’t fit into my jeans or hold down a meal for more than an hour. For the first time, it all began to feel real. 

The journey back to the train station was quieter than I expected. Loki seemed to be lost even farther in his thoughts than usual. I guess this all was a lot for him to process too. After we were settled in our seats, I finally shared the print outs with him. “Can you hold onto these for safe keeping? I don’t trust myself not to lose them.” He nodded, silently taking his turn to stare at his progeny. “Thank you for helping me do this.” 

Without hesitation, Loki met my gaze. “I would do anything for the two of you.” 

I smiled, before resting my head against his shoulder. “Ditto.” 

Finally, after a long day of traveling, we returned to the safety of our home. I could sense how exhausted he was after maintaining our illusion for so long, even if he wouldn’t admit it. As I started up the stairs, Loki caught me by the hand. “I’m going to take the dogs out while I feed Spirit. When I return, would you care to relax with me before dinner?” 

I smiled, descending a few steps until I could easily rest my arms over his shoulders. “I’d like that.” 

“I thought you might.” Loki muttered, before stealing a brief kiss. 

“You’re too good to me, you know?”

“Yes, I am aware.” 

With that I pulled away and continued up to the bedroom. “Make sure to wipe off their feet before you let them back in the house. I don’t want muddy paws on the sofa again.” His only response was a vaguely annoyed sigh as he led the rowdy hounds towards the back door.

While Loki went to take care of things outside, I opened my laptop to video chat with my mother for a few minutes. I had mentioned to her that we were going to the doctors today and I wanted to see her face when she got to look at the sonogram. Even if I wasn’t 100% comfortable with being super open with her about a lot of things, I’d decided that I was going to try to make this work. Regardless of issues that we’d had in the past, Little Blue deserved a grandmother and I didn’t want to be selfish and deny Renee the chance to be one. 

After a few rings she finally answered and I smiled when she appeared on my screen. “How did everything go?” She asked me. 

“It went well. They said everything looks healthy and that there don’t appear to be any issues that we need to worry about. So that was a big relief.”

“That’s wonderful. Are you eating well? You said the morning sickness was pretty bad last week.”

“It’s starting to subside. Some days are still worse than others, but I think we’re on the upswing. I only got sick once today, so that’s pretty good. “I laughed, “Loki had to pull over on the way home. I tossed my cookies in this guy’s front yard. I didn’t mean to do it while he was out on their porch, but it happens like that sometimes.”

“Yes, it does.” Mom added, chuckling quietly to herself. Even though she appeared jovial and seemed excited about everything that I was sharing with her, I still felt in the pit of my stomach that something was amiss. I hated myself for thinking it, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling. 

“I’m starting to get too big for my pants—“

“Already!? You can’t be more than two months along.” She sounded surprised. _And somewhat skeptical?_

“The doctor thought I was probably around eleven or twelve weeks. It’s hard to say for sure. I was on the pill, so it took a little while for me to even realize that I’d skipped shark week.” Renee didn’t say anything else; she simply nodded. Once again that _feeling_ began to spawn in my gut. “Is something wrong?”

“No. Why?” Even her confusion appeared genuine and once again I felt guilty for questioning her sincerity. 

“Never mind. Check your phone, I just sent you the sonograms.” Mom looked away for a few moments and I saw a myriad of emotions flit through her eyes. Amongst the ones that I recognized, pride and a mother’s joy, there was something in there that sent another unexplained shiver down my spine. 

“Just spit it out already! What’s wrong?”

“Nori, nothing is wrong—“

“No, something **is** wrong. I can feel it. I felt it the day you were here and I feel it now. Every time that I bring up the baby…you react this way—“

“React how?”

“You just…I can’t explain it! You know what I’m talking about. I’m not crazy, so stop pretending that I can’t see what you’re doing. What is it?” Finally, whatever she was holding back began to spill free without her consent. I watched as her inner anguish finally became visible, the sadness and what resembled shame shone through.

“I’m sorry, Nori—“

“Sorry for what?” 

“I’ve never done right by you.” Mom sighed, dabbing away the tears that threatened to fall. 

“What are you talking about?” I didn’t know where this was going, but I had a terrible feeling that I wasn’t going to like it. 

Renee was quiet for a lot longer than I was comfortable with. “This shouldn’t be your firstborn.” Her words hit me like a kick in the chest. I didn’t want hear her say another word, yet at the same time I wanted to know everything. The only other pregnancy that I’d had, I had lost. And I had never spoken a word about it to her. “When we found you, after you’d gone missing…you were a mess. If you weren’t catatonic for weeks, you were inconsolable. Then there was the incident at the restaurant where you completely—“

“Yeah I know all about that. And then they held me in that institution for eight months. That’s not something you just forget about, no matter how hard you try. What happened? Why did you say you were sorry? What did **you** do?” I managed to ask. It took everything I had to stay calm. _Relatively calm anyway…_

She sighed, refusing to look directly at me, “When you were admitted, they ran a battery of tests and that was when we learned that you were pregnant. There was no way to knowing the circumstances surrounding conception or who the father was because you didn’t remember anything. You couldn’t take care of yourself, let alone a newborn—“

“I would’ve found a way! I came around, didn’t I? As involved in my life as you were, surely you could’ve stepped in an looked after the baby until I—“

“Nori, they left you in a parking lot in the middle of nowhere! That’s not something people do when they give a shit about you or the thing growing in your belly. And the absolutely last thing I wanted was to condemn you to carrying a monster’s child. Especially in the condition you were in! I had no idea what you might have endured. I wasn’t about to put your through even more trauma—”

“Is my child out there somewhere? Being raised by strangers?” 

“No.” 

And with one word, my blood ran cold. “That was never your decision to make! Did you ever think of what that child would’ve meant to me? What if that had been all that I’d had left of the only man I have ever loved? Did you ever think about that?” I hadn’t realized that I was shouting. _Or crying…_ Because at this point, I’d lost the ability to even distinguish what I was feeling. All that I could imagine was Little Blue being stolen from me in the same way. The thought of it alone made me sick. Except now I knew that it already happened once before. 

“No, I never considered that. Nothing about your behavior or your appearance suggested that anything compassionate could’ve have happened to you while you were gone. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t care. Do you think it was easy for me? I thought that you were gone forever and then you turn up in the condition you were in, pregnant with god knows whose baby. I won’t apologize for wanting to protect you from even more—“

“Protect me from my child!?” 

“Nori, it wasn’t like that. Just let me explain.”

“Did you ever once ask me what I wanted?”

“Even if I had, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. For so long I hoped and prayed that you would come to your senses in time to understand what was happening. I wanted you to make the choice to live with this for yourself. Then you went to the first appointment. You were farther along then than you are now, but the ultrasound was unusual—“

“Unusual how?” 

“What matters is that the doctors had never seen anything like it before and in their professional opinions, they didn’t expect the pregnancy to be successful. It was high risk and any complications you may have developed would have been life threatening. You had two options. **Try** to carry it to term and hope for the best, while dealing with everything else you had going on at the time or…not.”

“So there was a chance?” I whispered; horrified by the things that she was telling me.

“No…I don’t know...there may have been.” She sighed, “That afternoon, after you’d had your medication, I had you sign the consent forms. You didn’t know what you were agreeing to—“ 

“How could you do that?”

“Nori I’m sorry, more sorry than you can ever imagine. I understand how you must feel right now—“

“How can you? You can’t even begin to imagine **any** of what I’ve been through. You always think you know what’s best for me and you don’t even know the first thing about me!”

“Which is why I owed you the truth—“

“No. You just wanted to clear your conscience because every time I bring up Little Blue your guilt eats you alive. Loki was right. I should’ve just left it alone…” 

“Nori, I‘m sorry for every time that I have ever wronged you. I know I didn’t handle any of this the right way, but I did the best that I could. I don’t expect your to forgive me…I just hope that you can understand that I never wanted to hurt you this way. You deserve to be happy and I did what I did, so that one day you could be.“ 

I saw the pain in her eyes, it mirrored my own in a lot of ways, yet I couldn’t bring myself to accept her apology. I was more than just hurt, I was devastated and I felt betrayed. In spite of each of these dueling emotions, something somewhere deep down refused to let this manifest into venomous words that I could never take back. _Why do you even care after what she did to you?_ I didn’t have a good answer to that question, so I chose my next words carefully. “Just so that you know…that one was Loki’s too.” 

With that I shut my laptop and in an outburst of heartache and rage, I screamed as loudly I could, purging this despair until my throat felt raw from exertion. I hadn’t meant for the violent pulse of seidr to follow, but it was beyond my control at this point. The windows shattered and the mirror across the room broke into tiny shards that embedded themselves into the walls like daggers.

I was angry that something so precious had been stolen from me and that I’d never even known Loki’s child had grown inside me for months after I’d been exiled. Maybe if I had tried harder to fight the curse, I could’ve recovered my memories sooner or done more to keep the first one safe. Had I not given Odin reason to cast me out of Asgard in the first place, maybe then they would’ve been spared? 

How could I mourn for something I’d only just learned that I’d lost? No, that wasn’t entirely true. On a subconscious level, I remembered the grief that I’d experienced during the months spend in that institution. Up to this point, my recollection of that time led me to believe that that emotional pain was caused solely by being trapped within my personal prison, all while pining to be reunited with my soul mate. Now I knew that that wasn’t the whole truth. During the few times that I had been in my right mind, I **knew** that something had been taken from me. Only now I understood that it was more than just my dignity or my memories… 

Maybe he’d felt my distress or maybe he had been able to hear me from where ever he was. Regardless of how he knew to rush to my aid, Loki was there. He paused in the doorway for a half a second; attempting to make sense of the destruction he’d just walked into. Then I heard the glass crunching underfoot as Loki approached me. His prolonged silence made it clear that he hadn’t quite figured out at why I was bawling my eyes out. However, that didn’t stop him from trying to remedy it. I didn’t resist when he reached out to me, I leaned into his embrace as he gathered me in his arms. “What is wrong?”

His gentle words only made me cry harder. This wasn’t just my loss; it was _ours_. Renee had taken something dear from each of us and I didn’t want to tell him that he’d actually lost more the day that we were separated than he realized. And even if Loki was unwilling to admit to it, my miscarriage had affected him too. _Surely this is no different?_

“Tell me what I can do to ease your suffering.”

I tried to steady my voice enough to speak, but the words didn’t want to be said. “She tricked me.” 

“Who did?” He glanced at my laptop, “Your mother?”

I nodded, “I was pregnant when Odin banished me and she…she tricked me into getting rid of it.” Despite the tenderness of Loki’s embrace, I felt the sudden surge of rage overcome him. I had only witnessed Loki get this angry one other time and it had not ended well. 

“Are you upset with me?”

“Of course not. How could this be your fault?” Loki held me tighter, gently lifting my chin so that I had no choice but to meet his eye, “Never think that I would blame **you** for this.” Despite his reassurance, I still wept tears of anger and heartache. Just this once, I wished that there wasn’t always _something_ waiting in the wings for a chance to kick me in the teeth. Why had I insisted? Why couldn’t I have just taken his advice to leave well enough alone? Wasn’t I to blame for that much?

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm sorry to end this on such a somber note. I'll make it up to you with another update very soon! While I've got some time on my hands, I'm going to try to churn out a few chapters. I haven't had time to edit or write very much these last few weeks/months because of work and class, so I apologize for the ridiculously long wait. Let me know what you think!


	47. It's Better Left Unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A teeny-tiny bit of **smut**.

The morning was overcast, punctuated by the intermittent showers that did more to annoy than anything else. I tugged at the edge of my hood to shield my face from the spitting rain, as I made my way along the sidewalk. Rather than sit at home and allow myself to be alone with my thoughts, I decided that I would try to stay occupied for as much of the day as possible. Somehow in the twisted cogs of my brain, this translated to retracing the well-worn steps of what felt like a past life. I stepped into the diner that I used to frequent when I lived around the corner. I even ordered my usual streak and egg breakfast.

This time I wasn’t here to treat myself after working double overtime at Christa’s. Instead it was because I was famished and my insatiable appetite wouldn’t be satisfied with anything less than half a cow and a dozen fluffy scrambled eggs. _I wish that were more of an exaggeration…_ I dined alone at my favorite table, just like I used to before Loki started coming around.

Then after breakfast, I went for a walk. _It’s the least you could do after inhaling that steak._ Habit and muscle memory led me back to my old apartment, not that I lingered. I simply passed by, glancing up at the window that had once been mine. Someone else lived there now, someone who would never know about the memories that had happened within those walls. _Or that two ‘immortal’ beings nearly fought to the death in the living room._ Love, hope, and a helping of despair; all of which shaped the person I was today.

We’d come a long way since those days. And I envied that past version of myself. There was so much that she didn’t know and even more that I wished she’d never seek to learn. Following that thought, I tried to steer my mind away from this line of thinking. It would only serve to upset me again. Although, now that I’d begun to unseal these feelings, they were difficult to pack away. Dwelling on this wasn’t going to do me any favors, so I circled back towards the main road that meandered into town.

Moving through these once familiar settlings, I felt the tension gathering in my chest. In spite of all that had changed, this was too familiar. I was sinking into the same headspace I’d occupied for so long, a prison that I’d fought for years to claw my way out of. _And now you’re right back to square one…_ Purely in an attempt to curtail these thoughts, I ducked into the used bookstore. One thing I never used to have time for was reading. Therefore, I never frequented this shop as much as I would have liked.

Once upon a time reading had been my vice, my one true escape when reality was too inconvenient to confront. _Maybe it can be again?_ I browsed the isles in search of a story in which I could escape. _Preferably one where the people you trust don’t hurt you._ I sighed in frustration with myself. _You can’t even control my own thoughts anymore._ It was as if my mind was intentionally sabotaging me and suddenly I was at the edge of my composure. 

That was when my phone buzzed. It was a message from Loki, one that contained a single green heart. Right away my distress began to fade; quickly shrinking into perspective once I’d managed to get out of my own head for a few seconds. For a man of such eloquence, there was something endearing about the simplicity of this gesture. I don’t know if Loki had been eavesdropping on my inner turmoil or if this was purely spontaneous. 

Nevertheless, I allowed myself to become aware of his presence for the first time in days. Even though Loki wasn’t here with me, it still felt like I could reach out and touch him. He comforted me from a distance, something I never thought that I would need. _Or that I’d even be capable of experiencing for that matter._ So I returned a heart of my own, not just to convey that his affection was mutual, but also to thank him for trying to lift my spirits in the first place. 

I bought a hot chocolate and settled by the window with a book in hand. After a couple hours, though, I grew bored of this setting and I decided to head back over to the bike shop early. When I stepped through the doors, the first thing I heard was Connor’s bubbly laughter. I half expected to see the boy running around the store the way that he usually did on the days Kevin couldn’t arrange a sitter. Instead, I found him perched on the counter next to Loki at the register.

“One more and then it’s back to work.“ I heard Loki instruct. I couldn’t help feel the pull of a gentle smile as I watched from afar.

“Can I say the magic words this time?”

“Yes.”

“Abra kadabra!” Conner announced, “It’s up your sleeve again, isn’t it?”

Loki pushed each of his sleeves up to his forearms, leaving the child perplexed. “That would have been too easy.” This time Connor checked in the front pocket of Loki’s apron in disbelief.

“I can’t find it…”

“Check your pocket.” 

When he did, Connor found a heavy gold coin. “Can I keep it?”

“If you wish. Now, we had an agreement. Remember?”

“I know—one more magic trick first? Please?”

“Homework.” Loki stated and his voice left no room for negotiation.

Disappointed, Connor’s shoulders slumped before he slid off the counter to do as he was told. “Fine—hey Eleanor! Look what Loki gave me.” Now he hurried over greet me. I wasn’t expecting him to hug me, but I didn’t reject him. Connor held up an Asgardian coin for me to see. It wasn’t often that I’d had reason to interact with them. _Considering I’d never actually had any money of my own…_ Nevertheless, I’d still seen enough of them to know what this was.

“That was nice of him. Did you say thank you?“

“Thanks, Loki! Eleanor said you could show me another—“

“I can hear both of you. If you are going to try to play us off one and other you should at least do so when I am not within earshot.”

Conner turned to me in one last-ditch effort to get me to sweet talk Loki on his behalf. “Eleanor? Can you please ask him?”

I returned his coin and turned Conner around to face Loki, who watched the two of us with a stern expression. “Sorry, kiddo. You heard ‘em. Homework.” With that he glumly dragged himself over to get his backpack and then proceeding to perch himself on the stool behind the counter. Now that he was occupied, Loki finally came over to stand with me by the windows.

“Where’s Kevin?” I asked out of curiosity.

“He went to the bank. I should have called to let you know that I would be working late so that you would not leave the house sooner than necessary. It slipped my mind—“

“I’m early. No need to apologize. Besides, I was already in the area. I thought I’d get out of the house and…entertain myself.” _If you could call it that._ Loki didn’t reply right away. His eyes appraised me, searching to see if I was withholding anything that should concern him. “You don’t have to give me that look either. I bought hot chocolate and browsed the book exchange down the street. That’s all. I swear.” Despite my reassurance, Loki continued to appear skeptical.

“I’m glad you enjoyed your day.” He finally answered.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yours. Magic tricks, huh? You just can’t help yourself can you?”

“It was the all that I could think of to earn a moment of peace. He wouldn’t stop asking questions or touching things or doing both at the same time. It was like being with you, only less enjoyable and infinitely more tedious.” Loki whispered.

“I’m guessing that plan of yours backfired, huh?”

“Spectacularly…”

I leaned closer to sneak a brief kiss. “Not that it makes a different, I’ll still give you a few points for your patience and creativity. You tried and that’s a great start.” When I went to pull away, Loki pressed his hand against the small of my back to keep me close.

“I thought of you every minute that I was away.” He confessed.

“You shouldn’t have—“

“But I did.”

Putting on a tired smile, I attempted to return the gesture. “I missed you too.” That wasn’t a lie. I did in fact miss Loki the way that I always did when we were apart. It was just that all of my emotions had become a shade duller. Maybe it was simply a reflection of my emotional fatigue. I couldn’t say for sure what had left me feeling this way; I just knew that I was ready for things to return to normal.

“Would you like to go out with me tonight?”

“Like on a date?”

“Yes. We haven’t gone one of those in quite a while.”

“Sure, whatever you want to do is fine with me.” I answered quietly.

Again Loki did not like the passivity in my demeanor, but I couldn’t help it. “How about the seafood restaurant at the end of the pier—“

“You mean the one with the outrageously expensive salad?”

“Yes, the same one that you stole the table settings from.” Loki smirked.

I couldn’t help but grin as I remembered that night, our first real date after he’d come back into my life. _And this time you can actually afford to eat more than just salad._ “I’d like that.”

“I thought you might—“

“Loki can you help me? I’m stuck.” Connor called to him.

I chuckled as Loki slowly accepted his new, albeit reluctant, responsibility. Despite his behavior, he never would’ve let this kid boss him around if he truly didn’t care. I wasn’t sure if he was being this attentive just to impress me with his burgeoning ‘parenting skills’ or because he was trying to appease his boss. Surely it was some combination of the two. Although deep down, I had a feeling that Loki just had a soft spot in his ‘stone-cold’ heart for this kid.

While Loki tutored Connor on his math homework, I picked up the price stickers he’d left by the register and began to add them to the new inventory. That was when we both heard the door chime as someone entered the store. Thankfully it was Kevin and not a customer that either of us had to deal with. Not to mention that by this point it was well past the end of Loki’s shift and we were eager to get going.

“Long time no see. You know you don’t have to work every time you stop by to visit.” He smiled. 

“I figured since I was here and Loki was on homework duty, I should at least put myself to good use.” 

“I appreciate it. How’s the mutt? Is he adjusting well?”

“Yeah, he and Kat are inseparable. This time I’m starting early on those basic commands. Kat got us kicked out of every obedience training class we ever went to. I think I ought to learn from my mistakes and start while he’s still young.” I chuckled.

“I knew you two would give him a good home.”

“We try.” I mentioned, returning to the busy work that I’d undertaken.

“Seriously, Eleanor. Take the day off. The world isn’t going to end if those don’t get done in the next hour.” Reluctantly, I stopped what I was doing at his insistence. I understood that Kevin meant well, except staying occupied was the only thing that was keeping me sane. With a nod, I returned to the counter where Loki had begun to tidy his work area. Even though we were in friendly company, I was sure that he had no interest in sticking around longer than was necessary. “I appreciate you holdin’ down the fort. I didn’t mean to keep you here this late. They only had one teller today.” Kevin explained.

“Don’t mention it.” Loki sauntered off to hang his apron in the back before the two of us went home to change. I wasn’t about to get all dolled up for dinner, but this venue certainly called for more than my leggings and one of Loki’s thrice worn sweatshirts. _I only steal them out of the hamper once they smell like him._

For the most part dinner was nice. The food was good, but the company was better. Afterwards, Loki persuaded me to walk the pier with him. Night had fallen and the air was nippy, so I was a bit reluctant to join him at first. Without a word, Loki draped his jacket over my shoulders. I’m sure he didn’t really need it anyway, not with the frosty blood running through his veins that is.

Before I realized it, Loki had brought me back to the very place we’d stood two summers ago on the Fourth of July. This was where we’d had our first kiss. _Second first kiss._ His arms slipped around me, sheltering me in his warmth and affection. 

“I know what you’re trying to do.” I whispered.

“Is it working?” 

“Maybe a little.” The fact that he was even trying to cheer me up was endearing. However, it was heartbreaking to see him trying _this_ hard. Loki already knew that didn’t want to talk. We’d already said everything there was to say. I didn’t need to bluntly get to the point or to bare my soul to him yet again. I just wanted to move on and try not to reflect too much on these last few days. “Do you miss Asgard?” My question caught him off guard, although I don’t know that it upset him in any way.

“I’m not sure.” 

“I do sometimes. I miss the way things were before everything happened to me. In retrospect, accepting that I’d never return to Midgard hadn’t hurt as much as _this_ does.” For a moment I let my thoughts wonder, imagining the simple life that we could’ve had in his world. How might things have been different if Loki had been content with his station as the spare prince? Where would we be right now if we had remained in Asgard’s good graces? Could his heir have survived? I quickly accepted that I would never know the answers to these questions.

I didn’t hate living here on Earth. For most of my life it was all that I had ever known. It was home. And at the same time, Asgard had found a place in my heart too. During the years I’d spent in his realm, Earth was special to me because every time that I had wistfully remembered my world, I longed to reunite with the family that I’d left behind. Now a large part of that was irrelevant. Save for Scotty and _maybe_ Meg, my reasons for feeling attached to this realm were beginning to dwindle. In time, I’m sure that I would begin to feel even more disconnected. The way that Loki put it, mortal lives were fleeting and I wouldn’t always have family or friends to anchor me. 

“When we are strong enough, I want to show you the other realms. Asgard is one of nine. You and I were not exiled from the others. There is no reason for us stay marooned here for the rest of our days. There are many things I wish to show you and to teach you along the way.” 

“Where would we even start?”

I felt Loki’s smile broaden against my cheek. “Vanaheim. It will be much less of an adjustment for you compared to some of the others. You will certainly need to strengthen your seidr before we make that voyage. I do not anticipate that it will take you very long. You are nearly as good as I was when I first started.”

“Isn’t Vanaheim where seidr comes from?”

“It is. Even though I would consider myself skilled, there are those that would regard my talents as mere child’s play. You and I could both learn a great deal there. You especially.” Loki mentioned.

“And you think they’d be interested in teaching me—or either of us for that matter? Surely they’ve all heard by now what we did and why we’re exiled.”

“They are not nearly as interested in Asgardian politics as you might think. As far as they were concerned, our struggles were internal. However, I am certain that they would still be hesitant to trust us, considering how my reputation often precedes me.”

“That’s not shocking at all. It seems like every realm has heard of you.”

“And they will soon hear of you.” He chuckled.

“Why? I have no intentions of making a name for myself.”

“You say that now. Sooner or later you will get jealous of my celebrity—“

“Oh, you’re a celebrity now? Last I heard you were infamous for being a mischievous little shit. Sorry to break it to you, but fame and infamy are not the same thing Loki.” I teased.

“To you maybe. They’ve heard of me and that is all that I care about.”

I rolled my eyes, “Humble yourself.” Again Loki kissed my cheek, except this time he continued to nuzzle his face against mine until I allowed our lips to meet. It wasn’t often that he was this affectionate and I didn’t much care for the circumstances, but I liked beeing the center of his attention. 

Shortly there after we returned home, changed into our pajamas and settled on the sofa to relax for a little while before bed. Any other night, Loki would be itching to lock himself in his study by now. Instead, he stayed by my side without me even having to ask. While he was focused on the movie that we’d agreed on, I took his hand and began to paint a glittery pastel peach polish on his thumb. 

“Do you mind?”

“No, not at all. Thanks for asking. This color is pretty on you. It was an impulse buy. I wanted to mix things up, but it’s just too light for my complexion.” I continued to apply the first coat to his other fingers. By this point, Loki had resigned to the fact that he was going to be wearing this for the rest of the night or until he figured out how to remove it. I certainly wasn’t going to tell him how to do so right away. In the end I think he was just glad to see me expressing something other than melancholy. “Maybe I’ll braid your hair next. Now that you’ve let it grow out a bit, I have something I can work with…” I leaned back to imagine what he would look like after I finished this impromptu makeover. “Humph…that’s going to be a look. Maybe you could practice braiding mine instead. That skill might come in handy someday.”

Again, Loki sighed in resignation. “What ever makes you happy...” Even if it was just for the next few minutes, I had fun getting on his nerves. Once I applied the second coat, Loki let me lay my head in his lap while we watched the rest of the movie. 

It was barely nine o’clock when we decided to head upstairs for the evening, but today had been draining for both of us. We squeezed into the bed together, much closer than we usually were in our room. The new windows weren’t getting installed until the Monday, so it was too chilly to sleep in there tonight. Until then we had nowhere left with to go except the guest bedroom. 

Maybe it was the way that we bumped against each other as we tried to get comfortable or simply a shared need for affection. I couldn’t say for certain, only that Loki answered my grazes by pressing against me to test my acceptance. In return I kissed the bend of his neck, making my desire plain and simple. There was no foreplay or anything that might have resembled romance. Sometimes our lovemaking wasn’t really about pleasure. Physical and emotional intimacy had a way of mending things that words or proximity couldn’t quite soothe. When we were together, we became one. 

I slid my leg over his hip, grinding my more sensitive parts against his to coax his manhood to attention. And of course, Loki didn’t ignore my invitation. Our bodies slotted together with ease and in an almost frantic pursuit, he pressed into me. I gasped as his cock filled me in one fluid motion. 

With every sure thrust, the electric hum of my arousal flowed through my veins, stoking the blissful tension that gathered in my core. His hand gripped my ass to urge me against him in time with the motion of his hips and my fingertips clawed at his back, desperation for more. Within minutes we were spent, exchanging quiet impassioned cries against the pillow until the final ebb of our climaxes had passed. And just that quickly we descended from our highs, as heaving breaths and clammy skin faded into the afterglow.

Loki continued to hold me close and for the first time in days I allowed myself to see into his heart the way that he saw into mine. Even as he lay here in my arms I felt his rage churning within him, a volatile concoction with no outlet. I dare not imagine how difficult it must have been to keep _this_ contained for so long. Beneath the ire there was his grief, although it wasn’t anywhere near as pervasive as my own. For me that was bittersweet. I found solace in the fact he shared shared my pain, but in a way I was glad that he did not have to experience it the way I did.

Maybe he’d hoped that I wouldn’t notice any of this, except it was impossible to overlook. I was grateful that I had Loki to support me and at the same time I was sad that I couldn’t return the favor. Somehow he always seemed to know what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it. And to some extent, I even tried to offer him this same comfort. Though I was rarely able to pull it off. If only I had been as composed as he was. There were moments where I thought that I might be and then I’d find myself in the throws of yet another downward spiral. 

“Did you mean what you said at the pier?” I asked him.

“I said a lot of things at the pier…”

“About Vanaheim and the other realms. Did you mean it? Can we really go there?”

“Yes. I meant every word.”

“Ok. I’m going to hold you to it.” After I snuggled into his warmth, my sleepy thoughts began to wonder again. “You were right by the way. I didn’t want to know the truth. Now that I do, what am I supposed to do next?”

“All that you can do is find a way to make peace with yourself. You cannot change the past, nor can anyone else.” Even though Loki’s voice betrayed the sense of frustration and anger he himself experienced, I appreciated the way that he was trying to be strong through all of this. _For my sake._ “That is not something that I can do for you or that you can rush. It takes time.”

“Did she ever tell you what she did?” 

“No. Had she, I would’ve—“ Loki wouldn’t say any more than that. When he finally attempted to finish his statement, it was evident that he’d chosen his words carefully. “Be thankful that I was not put in that position.” With that Loki kissed my nose, demanding without words that I dismiss these questions from my mind.

While I was not at all happy with the way that things turned out, I **was** relieved that a terrible situation had not gotten any worse. I’d seen Loki lose his temper enough times to know what could’ve happened. So rather than dwell, I rested my head on his chest and tried to do what he had asked of me. While I had accepted my new reality, that didn’t make it hurt any less.

* * *

**Loki’s POV**

She slept at my side and all I could do was admire her with a heavy heart. Mother always told me that it was unwise to question the Norns, yet I could not understand why they were so unkind to her. What had Ele done to deserve one torment after another? There was a never-ending onslaught of sorrow and loss written into her destiny. And for what purpose? She had only one offense to atone for, loving me. _Perhaps you are her curse._ While I wanted to dismiss this thought, I could not easily dispel the truth of its logic. Every painful misfortune that had entered her life, worked through me. Even when I made the effort to wash away my sins and begin anew, it was not enough to spare her. _It will never be enough._

Had I protected her, Odin never would have tampered with her memories, and that wretched excuse of a woman would not have ripped the babe from her womb. I had long known Midgard to be a savage realm, yet this had surpassed even my lowest expectations. Once again my neglect was to blame for her suffering. And for the second time in our brief union, I found myself unable to mend her broken heart. 

There was a time when I had believed Ele would thank me for allowing her this opportunity to be with her family, before the brevity of their mortal lives reached their inevitable conclusions. I remember thinking only of the joyful memories she would cherish in the centuries to come. This was a mistake, one that I wished I had never made. My compassion had been contorted into an act of cruelty.

A lie would have at least given Ele the resolution she desired; omission would have been even better. And somehow, despite knowing all that she had already endured, Renee felt that the truth was what Ele truly deserved. Honesty was more caustic then a clever lie because it could never be undone by facts or reality. There were no escape paths or gentle letdowns. That contradicted to the fundamental nature of truth, which is why I had never been fond of it. Lie’s were forgiving and were capable of compassion.

Ele became restless, shifting with discontent as she slept. She had not gotten a good night’s sleep since her conversation with Renee. And even when she managed to rest, I never could. I’d lay awake and I wish that I could bare this burden for her. _Or how desperately I hungered for revenge…_ Once again, I curtailed my errant thoughts. Had my siedr been at its former strength; there would not have been a force in all of the nine realms that could have stopped me from for putting an end to that woman. At least I would have had the decency to keep that from Ele. Instead, all I could do was console her.

That day Ele had been so full of life. Together we’d looked upon the child growing in her womb and her eyes lit with an infectious joy that I’d never seen before. _Why did Renee take that away her?_ The longer I ruminated over these past events, the angrier I became and the harder it was to continue to lie there in silence. There was nothing I could do to take make this better. _Nothing at all._ A fact that ate away at me, until the only thing my mind could process was my rage. 

Ele turned over to face me, disturbed by my nocturnal musings. It was involuntary, an impulse that was a direct response to my inner turmoil. I did not regret giving this last piece of myself to my wife, I simply wished that I had more control over the way it affected her. Apparently, my wishing this only made my sentiments harder to ignore. Half asleep, she nuzzled her face against mine. “It’s ok, Loki. Get some sleep.” 

“Will do, my love.” I took a deep breath and attempted to silence my thoughts until she had settled. After I thought that Ele might have fallen back asleep, I carefully freed my arm and tucked her beneath the covers. Though before I could get out of bed, she grabbed my wrist. “You’re leaving?”

“I’ll return in a moment.” She reluctantly released me and rested against her pillow. Then as quietly as I could, I descended the stairs and slipped through the backdoor. I needed to put some distance between the two of us. While being apart would not impede her ability to perceive my anger, it would at least require her awareness to become more of a voluntary effort. 

I started walking in the hopes that the fresh air might also clear my head of these intrusive thoughts. Along the way, I retrieved one of my daggers. For millennia this force acted as an extension of myself in battle or simply a tool of convenience. Therefore, it was no surprise that my subconscious still had more control over my seidr than I did at times. I had yet to unlearn this habit and I suspected that I never would. _Regardless of my level of ability or lack there of, I should say._ With all of my strength, I flung my blade at the nearest tree. It landed with a solid thud, embedding itself deep into wood of the trunk. I recalled my dagger, only to throw it again and again…. 

Despite this outlet, my anger continued to well inside of me. Each time I threw it harder than the last. With flawless precision the tip hit its mark, sailing through the projection of **_Renee_** that I’d conjured. Every fiber of my being wanted revenge for what was done to my wife. _And to my heir._ The sharpened metal sang through the darkness, illuminating paths of pure energy in its wake. I released the blade one last time, only to realize that I had overexerted myself once it was too late. 

Immediately the fatigue diminished what little power I managed to wield. The throbbing headache set in first and then the weariness followed close behind. I could no longer recall my dagger at will and my projection failed, reminding me of why I was taking my frustrations out on this tree instead of the true object of my hatred. In effect, I was as powerless to control my seidr as I was to change this situation. 

“Loki…” Ele spoke my name so softly that I was certain I’d imagined it. I had no idea how long she had been standing there or what she’d witnessed and Ele gave nothing away. As she approached, I noticed that she was barefoot and had wrapped herself in my robe. Without hesitation she put her arms around me and of course I leaned into her embrace. At this point, I was too spent to resist. Although, it didn’t escape my notice that her skin was cool to the touch, suggesting that she had been outdoors for some time.

After a few moments, Ele pulled away just long enough to recall my dagger. With the hilt of my blade in one hand, she offered me the other. I’d never formally taught her that incantation. In theory it was intuitive enough to discover through trial and error alone. Nevertheless, I was still astonished to see that she had learned this without my guidance. When her fingers interlocked with mine, she led me back to the house without a word; there weren’t any left to say anyway.

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Hopefully there weren't too many editing issues. Ugh! I'll probably read though this tomorrow and hate myself for posting this without another four or five read throughs. No matter how many times I read a chapter, something always gets past me. I just want to get it posted before Monday. Otherwise it'll be another week before I have time to upload. I hate making you wait so long in between updates. I had hoped to have this up weeks ago, but life happens. One of these days I'll get my shit together. There's still so much story left to tell and I just can't get to it fast enough. Let me know what you think. I'll do my best to have another chapter done for you sooner or later!


	48. The Good That Remains

“Get up.” I slowly awakened to Loki caressing my hair. As my eyes cracked open, I found him seated at the opposite side of the bed, already dressed for work. It was Saturday, so I didn’t quite understand why he insisted that I be awake so early. Not to mention after the night that we’d had, I wasn’t ready to face another sunrise. 

“What is it?”

“I need you to get out of bed.”

“Why?”

“Meg is downstairs—“

“Why!?”

“I called her.” 

“Why!?”

“Can you say anything else?”

“Why the hell did you call her?” I started to sit up, having already exhausted my reserve of patience with him for today. As close as Meg and I had become, I didn’t think we were quite _this_ close. _More to the point, I’m not in the mood to entertain and he should know that._ “Loki, I don’t feel like being bothered—“

“I didn’t want you to be alone. I still have to go to work to earn my keep and you’ve been melancholy these last few days. I thought that it might be good for you to have someone on hand…someone that you trust.” 

I sighed, “You could’ve at least asked me first!” 

“I only wanted to help—“

“That seems to be what **everyone** wants to do these days. But of course no one ever bothers asks me what **I** want…” I bit back. Immediately, I regretted allowing those words to come out of my mouth. I wasn’t sure if it was because I hadn’t had very much sleep or my hormones were just getting the better of me. What I did know was that none of that excused what I’d just said. Loki wasn’t the person I ought to be lashing out at, especially when he _really_ was just trying help. “You didn’t deserve that...”

Without a word, Loki leaned forward to kiss my forehead. Even though he did his best to appear unflappable, I could tell that my words had stung.

“Really, I didn’t mean it.” 

“I only have to be there for a few hours. If you need me, call and I will answer. No matter how trivial you may think your matter is. Understood?”

I nodded and with that Loki headed off to work. Now that I was alone, I flopped back against the pillow in exasperation. _How could you say that to him?_ As if I didn’t already have enough weighing on my mind, I’d just inadvertently added another layer of guilt to the burden that I already struggled to carry. That was when I heard Meg ambling around the kitchen. She was clearly in search of something with little direction. Even if I hadn’t had company, I already knew that getting back to sleep would’ve been a challenge. So I resigned to the fact that my day was beginning right now, whether I was ready for it or not. 

I rolled out of bed, pulled on my robe, and shuffled into the bathroom to at least brush my teeth before I went downstairs. As soon as I was fresh enough not to offend, I made my way to the kitchen. I didn’t feel obligated to do more than that, considering it was seven in the morning and I had not been expecting guests. When I stepped into view, I startled her and she nearly spilled the cup of coffee she’d been carrying. “Oh! Hey! You could’ve slept in. Loki said you would still be in bed.” 

“He woke me up before he left for work.”

“I told him he didn’t have to do that. Sorry, hon. Well since you’re awake…I made coffee. It’s decaf. I hope you don’t mind. It was all you had left in the cabinet…but you probably already knew that.” She offered me the mug that she’d obviously made for herself. 

“Thanks.” I claimed a seat at the table and took a sip of the steaming brew, while she hastily poured herself another cup. At first Meg didn’t do more than sit across from me. The silence was made less awkward when Kat and Ollie meandered over in search affection. And eventually they settled at our feet after she’d given them each of few pets. “What did Loki say when he asked you to come over this morning?”

“Not much. He just mentioned that you were going through some things and he didn’t want you to be here by yourself all day. And I’m not here to babysit! I’m here as your friend…he said you needed one of those right now.” She placed her hand over mine and offered a compassionate smile.

“I appreciate it. I know it’s a lot to ask—“ 

“Ele, you’re my best friend. Being here for you is what I’m supposed to do.” 

“Thanks. It means a lot to hear you say that.”

Again there was a long silence and I could sense Meg working out a way to phrase her next question. She was too polite to outright ask me what had happened, but there was no avoiding the elephant in the room. She had gotten out of her warm bed before dawn to spend one of her days off with me. _I at least owe her something for that, don’t I?_ “You said you were going to your first prenatal appointment the other day. I never heard about how that went…” She looked worried, almost fearful that I would confirm her suspicions. 

“Yeah, we did. The baby is fine. I have the sonograms upstairs if you want to see them.”

“I’d love to. You have no idea how happy I am for you.” To her credit, Meg actually did appear relieved, only now she was even more perplexed. _And thankfully, still too polite to be more direct with her questioning._ “When are you due?” She managed to ask.

“In the spring. Late April? That’s a rough guestimation. They said they’d be able to make a better prediction with a little more development.”

There was another uncomfortable silence and I was certain that she expected me to spill the beans. As frustrating as it was, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth. The only way to contextualize how such an awful situation could’ve happened would be to tell her about the years that I’d lost in Asgard or the curse that had driven me to the edge of madness and how all of that had landed me in the psych ward for months. If I allowed myself to start talking about any of that, I was sure that I’d share far more than was necessary. Loki certainly wouldn’t approve of this and at worst she’d probably think that I still needed that room in the ward. Maybe one day, when the freshness of this betrayal and hurt had faded with time, I might figure out how to present something like this to her. _Today is not that day._

“I’m sorry Loki called you so early. You don’t have to sit with me all day if you don’t want to. I completely understand if you have better things to do or if you’d just rather be anywhere but here—“

“What are you talking about? There’s no one waiting for me back home. I dropped the dog off at my sister’s last night for grooming and Devin is pulling a double at the hospital. So unfortunately, you get to be stuck with me. Not the other way around. I’m actually relieved that I’m not going to be all alone on a beautiful day like today.”

I tried to smile, in the hopes that this might translate into genuine happiness. “Looks like we’re stuck together then.”

“Any who, I need to see those sonograms. I’m so excited for you! In a couple months you’re going to be a mommy and I’ll get to be the fun auntie. Devin and I can take the baby out for daytrips while you and Loki get reacquainted and start working on baby number two. ” Meg even seemed to be looking forward to all that was to come. 

I pushed away form the table to lead her upstairs. “Um let’s just start with this one—“

“Mmhmm. Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“No?” 

“We’ll see...” 

“Do you think that you and Devin might give _baby number one_ some cousins anytime soon.” I asked, deciding to turn the focus on her. 

She laughed, “Maybe. Devin and I have certainly talked about it. We’re still not quite there yet. And to be honest, I don’t know if we’ll ever be. You already know that we both come from big families. He’s the third oldest of nine. And I’m the oldest of seven. Taking care of my siblings when they were little kind of put me off the idea of having kids. We’re just starting to get to that point where we’re even entertaining the idea. Hell, our furbaby was a **huge** step us. Don’t get me wrong I love babies, I just love giving them back to their mommies even more.” 

“I respect that. Only you know what’s right for you.” Meg followed me into the bedroom as I went to retrieve the printouts from Loki’s drawer. I didn’t really care that she saw the state of things. Even after Loki had swept up the glass and covered the windows with plywood, it was still a disaster in here. “They’re coming Monday to replace the windows. Sorry about the mess.” I mentioned as I reached into the drawer. 

“What happened here?”

“I went a little nuts…”

I could tell that my answer hadn’t done anything to assuage her concern, although she finally found the gumption to press me for more an answer. “You would tell me if something were going on between you and Loki, wouldn’t you?”

I nodded, knowing that she wasn’t going to leave it at that without more of an explanation. “We’re good. He’s been nothing but supportive. Loki isn’t the problem.”

“You would tell me if he was thought, right? Because if he _ever_ so much as hints that he might hurt you or even looks in the direction of another woman—“

“Meg…I said we’re good. You don’t have to sharpen your pitchfork just yet.” I handed her the little black and white pictures and she sat down on the end of our bed, while I tried to find something to wear that would still fit me. 

“Are you planning to find out what you’re having? Or did you want to be surprised?”

For the first time today, I smiled and it wasn’t forced. “I like the idea of it being a surprise. Loki really wants a little boy though. It’s not like there is a bad option here…”

“What are you hoping for?”

“I’d like to have girl. When I was growing up I always wanted a younger sister, someone I could do girly things with. Granted, I still did most of that with Scotty anyway, but I’d like to do it again.” I chuckled.

“There’s nothing that would stop you from doing that with your son too, if he enjoyed those kinds of things. My nephew has always loved letting me do his make up when I watch Sara’s kids. Hell, he’s getting better than me. Last time he taught me how to ‘properly’ wing my eyeliner.” 

I laughed, “That’s true. And if really it came down to it, I think Loki might be able to give more pointers in the cosmetic arena than me, whether we have a boy or not. When he wants to be, he can one of the vainest people you’ll ever meet. I’m sure you’ve noticed that he uses more hair product than I do.”

Meg didn’t even attempt to stifle her laughter, “I’m sure he isn’t a full tilt diva—“

“Have you met him? Or should I reintroduce the two of you?”

“Well it could be worse. He could be obsessed with sterilizing everything like Devin or you could have to remind him to keep up with basic hygiene. I’d say he’s pretty good.” 

“That’s very true. I certainly don’t deal with pungent b.o. very well.” Just saying that brought back vivid memories of the afternoons that I spend ringside, waiting for Loki to finish his daily training sessions back in Asgard. Even when he worked up a vigorous sweat, he didn’t smell half as vile as some of the men that crossed my path. _Although he could still get pretty disgusting…_

Meanwhile, Meg returned to looking at the sonograms, “This kid is lucky that both of their parents are attractive. That little one is going to be adorable as hell.” Meg wondered aloud. “I bet Loki was a cute kid.” 

“He was. I’ve seen pictures—well _paintings_. They’re not big on digital photography where he’s from.”

“No wonder he seems so far out of his element. I never would have guessed he’s from the dark ages.” 

“Yep. Sometimes it’s endearing. Others…it’s a pain in the ass. It really just depends on the day.” 

I continued to stare blankly into the closet. Now that none of my pants fit the way that they were supposed to, the majority of my wardrobe was inaccessible. I was starting to feel a little bit desperate. After a long moment of contemplation, I reached for the same pair of leggings that I’d worn yesterday and Loki’s sweatshirt from the top of the laundry pile. I had officially worn this garment more than he had in the last week, which was more than a little concerning. 

Meg didn’t need to ask to know why I’d made such a selection. She was perceptive enough to gather this for herself. “Have you bought any maternity cloths yet?”

“I haven’t had the chance to. When I’m not working, he is. And when he’s at the shop, he usually has the car. We’re still looking around for a second vehicle. It’s just been a really hectic few of weeks since Vegas.” I answered. 

“Grab some shoes. Let’s do some shopping. I know this boutique an hour up the road. They have some cute maternity cloths that might be your style. That way when your belly really pokes out there, you won’t end up looking the part of a housewife from the 1800s in this old place. I respect you too much to allow that.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of it. Loki and I were a bit of a striking couple in the present. Now I was imagining the two of us in colonial garb. _A rather alarming mental picture._ Back then we would have been breaking all sorts of laws and taboos. _Especially this deep in the south…_

“Alright.” I conceded, “Nothing like a little shop therapy to get the blood pumping.” I suppose this is was what Loki wanted, for me to get out of the house and avoid the blues.

“That’s the spirit!”

* * *

By the time we returned to the house, it was much later in the afternoon. Just as Meg parked next to our car in the driveway, I stopped her before she had the chance to open the door to get out. “One more thing…”

“What’s up?”

“I was wondering if it would be too much to ask for one more tiny favor?”

“Anything. Ask away.” Now that I had her undivided attention, Meg waited patiently for me to continue. 

“Can you bake?”

“Yeah. How well? That would depend on what you’d want me to make.” She laughed.

“Carrot cake? If that’s too much of a hassle, I can grab one from the store. I wanted something with a homemade touch, only I can’t bake from scratch.“

“Don’t sweat it. I can make carrot cake. What’s the occasion?”

“Loki’s birthday is coming up next week and I really want to throw him a party. With everything that’s been going on, I thought it might be a nice way to thank him for all he’s done for me.”

“Yeah, that’s a great idea! I’d love to help.” 

“Thanks. Please don’t say anything to him about it yet. That’s as far as I’ve gotten with the planning. I just thought of it while we were out today. And of course, you and Devin are both invited.”

“Awesome. This should be fun!” 

With that Meg helped me bring in my shopping bags and the aromas of dinner greeted us at the front door. We carried the bags into the living room and that was where we found Loki lounging on the sofa, apparently taking a break after cooking. He was already showered and dressed in his favorite holey shorts, the one’s that I had been try to convince him to get rid of for months. Every time that I’d ask, he would inform me that the giant hole in the crotch provided “excellent ventilation.” _Insert dramatic eye roll here._

“I see the two have been busy.” He mentioned before pulling me into a loving embrace. 

“We sure have. As promised, I returned your fiancé safe and sound. We did a little shopping and brainstormed baby names. She’s got a nice long list for the two of you to consider.” 

“I’m almost positive you’re not going to like half of them. We got a little carried away.” 

Loki smiled, “As long as it is a name fitting for a young prince, I do not think that we will have much to disagree on.”

“I see what you were talking about now.” Meg commented. “Keep an open mind. I see you as the type of guy who would spoil his little **princess** rotten.”

“Oh, he certainly is. He’s already spoiled his queen.” I grinned.

Without missing a beat, Loki turned his attention to Meg. “Thank you for looking after her today.” 

Not wanting to offend me, she hasted to correct him. “We kept each other company, Loki. That’s what friends do.”

“Of course. My apologies.”

“No need for that. Anyway, I should get going. See you at work on Monday? Or whenever you’re ready to come back.” I nodded and gave her a hug before she left. After she was gone, I started towards the kitchen to help Loki wash up. Dinner was simmering on the stove and there was a mountain of dirty dishes that needed to be done. Before I could step away, he tightened his arms around my midsection. 

“Did you enjoy your outing?”

“Yeah. Even though I didn’t expect to, I actually had a good time. I know it doesn’t seem like it with those huge bags, but I really only bought a couple things. I didn’t want to ruin all the fun for later with over zealous impulse shopping. Not to mention, I know how much you like the idea of watching me fit my belly into new cloths.” I smirked. 

He hummed in agreement, with an air of satisfaction in his voice. “Yes, I do enjoy the idea of that. But I shall let you in on a secret. I find you most desirable when you feel beautiful. Your smile is brighter and you carry yourself without a care in the world. Even when you are dressed in you favorite shapeless sweatpants...I cannot contain my desire for you.” Loki began to kiss my neck just below my ear, already getting carried away with the mere mention of the changes my body was beginning to exhibit. And as inclined as I was to believe that he was only telling me what I wanted to hear, it was endearing to discover that he was being truthful. 

“Then I’m sure this will get you all hot and bothered. I got a pair of maternity belts so that I can keep wearing my favorite jeans. And since the girls are unhappy in their holsters these days, I also picked up some new comfy bras that I can grow into.” 

“Oh I’ve noticed the way they’ve enlarged. Such delightful fullness is difficult to overlook.” He snickered as one of his hands ventured lower to guide my hips backward to press firmly against his front. 

Simply to play into Loki’s little game, I urged myself harder against him. “One of them even has nursing flaps…” I whispered as sexily as one could be when uttering those words. Loki responded with a low groan of shameless satisfaction. “Wait…did that actually turn you on?”

He kissed the nape of my neck with renewed hunger. “And if it has, would that offend your delicate sensibilities?” 

I struggled to keep a straight face. The fact that he actually found the unglamorous aspects of pregnancy alluring was both amusing and scarily sexy. “No. I just never know what to expect from you sometimes.”

“And yet you endure me…”

I turned around to face him and leaned into his embrace. “No, I adore you.” 

“The feeling is mutual.” 

“Thank you for arranging everything this morning. I didn’t know that this was what I needed today…but it helped a lot more than I anticipated. You were right. I should’ve trusted you.”

“You’re welcome, my love. I wanted you to remember that you are not as alone as you may feel. There are still decent people in your life who care for you.” 

Words couldn’t express the way that I felt. My love and gratitude were too big to be contained in such small packages. So I kissed him, letting that be my gesture of appreciation. When I deepened each loving exchange, Loki seemed to crave this closeness just as much as I had. It wouldn’t have been difficult for us to slip beyond the point of no return, until carnal pleasures were our only salvation. Instead he held back and a lingering tender kiss on my forehead abruptly ended what could’ve become something much more passionate. So without explanation or recourse, I attempted to distract myself from the smoldering embers of arousal that refused to be extinguished without struggle. 

“Didn’t you get off of work early today?” I finally asked.

“Yes. And for once, I decided to channel my inner you.” I was usually the one to say that to him and it always meant that I’d done something wildly out of character. Now I understood how he must have felt every time that I ‘channeled’ him. So for this reason, I was a bit anxious. 

“What did you do?”

“You enjoy whimsical things—“

“Do you even know how to _whimsical_?” 

At first Loki seemed to want to agree with me. “Fair point. I’ll concede that my whimsical is much different from yours. Nevertheless, I did my best.” Which of course, I couldn’t fault him for. Still, I found myself feeling somewhat cautious. “Let me show you.” He took my hand and began to lead me up the stairs. Before we reached our studio, Loki covered my eyes. “No peeking or you will spoil the surprise, ok?”

“Nothing is going to jump out at me, is it?” 

“Would I ever torment you?”

“Is that even a legitimate question—“ When Loki uncovered my eyes I fell silent with astonishment. Twinkling string lights were hung across the room, mimicking the fireflies at dusk or the stars against in the night sky. Then at the center of the room, he’d draped some of our bed sheets over a few clotheslines to fashion an inviting makeshift fort. I ventured closer and parted the ‘curtains.’ The inside was filled with plush pillows and what looked like every blanket from around the house. It was cozy and indeed whimsical. “Loki…you did all this just because?”

“No. I did it because it has been far too long since we have done something fun together.” Loki stated as he began to lead me inside. I settled into the softness of our pillowy fortress. Somehow it was significantly warmer in here and I could even smell the fragrance of the incense he burned when we practiced our seidr. 

“I never took your for a pillow fort guy. You always seemed like the tree house kind of man to me.” I teased. 

“Perhaps a tree house would better suite my personality. However, you like soft things and your satisfaction is my priority at the moment.”

“Well I am absolutely satisfied with this. You know me well.” I grinned. Simply because I could, I retrieved the list Meg had helped me write from a pocket dimension and a little smirk of approval tugged at his lips. 

“It is easy to get used to that, isn’t it?”

“Incredibly. I keep having to remind myself not to do it in front of other people.” I handed him the folded scrap of paper, along with a pen so that he could read over the names and mark his favorites. Although as expected, Loki crossed off more names than he didn’t. “What’s wrong with Leila?”

“I don’t like it. Was that not obvious?” He mentioned matter-of-factly.

“You are _so_ hard to please.” I grumbled. Then he hit the bottom of the list and hesitated, “That one is my favorite.” I mentioned, nervous that he’d cross that one off too. 

“Ava…Rae?” He mused.

“Both? Or just Rae. I can’t decide which one sounds better.”

“Then we should consider both.” 

“Wait! Really!? You actually like those?”

“It could grow on me.” _Of course I can’t get a full admission out of you._ Nevertheless I was happy that he and I could at least halfway agree on something. 

“Of course. And we still have the boy names to think about. We’ll need to pick one of each. Just in case...” I smiled. Loki hummed in agreement as he turned the page over to begin working through the boy names. The reverse side was even less successful, emphasized by the speed in which he swept down the column.

“Seriously? You didn’t like any of those names?”

“Not particularly. How about this, if we have a daughter you can name her. If we have a son, I shall name him?”

“Hell no! I want a say in it either way. Besides, if I leave it up to you the poor kid will never learn how to spell his name. You’ll want to go with one of those tongue twisters with the silent letters—“

“Traditional Asgardian names are not tongue twisters.”

“Maybe not for you. Your whole language is a tongue twister for me sometimes.” 

“Well then I will see to it that you and our child become fluent in my mother tongue.” 

“I’m sure you will.” Without a word to him, I took the pen and jotted down another name at the top of the list, one that I knew for a fact that he would be fond of. _Narfi._ I kissed his cheek and rested my head on his shoulder. Loki didn’t say anything. He just smirked and left it alone. “If I asked nicely, would you go to a birthing class with me?”

Loki hesitated, “How would you feel if I told you that you are already registered for one?”

“Ummm…shocked? When the hell did you do that?” If anything, I was more astonished that he had outpaced me when it came to thinking ahead.

“Before we left for Vegas…” He answered, even more sheepishly than before.

“Wow. That’s really sweet…a tad neurotic…though still incredibly thoughtful. Thank you.”

“I thought that you might appreciate having one less thing to worry about.”

“I’m learning to appreciate you more and more every day.” 

“We should also make our marriage official before the baby arrives.” He added, ”One other loose end that we could address…” 

“That would be nice. So long as we keep it simple, that shouldn’t be too hard to arrange. Meg has been begging to help me plan it for months now.”

“Then let her.” 

“I will. It’s not going to be anywhere near as grand as the event Frigga put on. Mostly because we don’t have that many people to invite. Second reason, I don’t feel like making a big deal about it this time. We should also make sure to invite Kevin and Connor. That way you can have some folks on your side of the isle too!”

Loki chuckled, “That would be acceptable.”

“I bet Little Blue is going to love your pillow forts.” 

“You think so?”

“Absolutely! We can have story time in here and instead of shadow puppets, we can use magic to make little tiny animals. Imagine a itty bitty bunny rabbit!” I grinned.

“You are already better at this than I am.”

“No I’m not. Don’t sell yourself short. I can already see the two of you now. You and Little Blue are going to be as thick as thieves, scheming to play all kinds of tricks on me. You’ll take them horseback riding and teach them magic the same way that you’re teaching me now. We don’t have to be good at the same things. We’ll complement each other and that’s what will make us a great team. And I’ve always believed that good parenting should be a team effort.”

“You’re the better half of this team.” Loki added.

“Maybe the better _looking_ half, but you’ve got me beat when it comes to life experience and patience.”

Loki scoffed, “Let’s agree to disagree on some things.” 

“Do you know what could make this fort even better?” He raised an eyebrow, prompting me to tell him. “A nice juicy cheeseburger with pickles and instead of ketchup…peanut butter. You wouldn’t happened to have made that for dinner, would you?” 

“That is the most vile thing I’ve ever heard of.”

“Can you make me one? Please?” 

“I am not defiling a perfectly good burger with peanut butter for you or anyone else. Did you hear that child? Stop causing your mother to crave disgusting food.” For the first time Loki spoke to my belly and my heart instantly melted. He didn’t even hesitate to turn that playfulness towards the baby. Before this moment, I didn’t know that it was even possible to fall more in love with him. And somehow, I still did. “Have you felt any movement yet?” 

“No. It’s still too early for that. I hope I start to feel something soon. It would make this all feel _real_ and put my mind at ease, at least for a little while. Of course, I’m sure you just want to feel the little one kicking me from the inside.” I placed my hand over his as he splayed his long fingers across my belly. 

“I’m not too proud to admit that.”

“Nor should you be.” Silence settled between us and I savored the feeling of being in his arms. For the first time in days, I began to feel at peace. Perhaps it was because I’d spent the day focusing on all the good things that remained in my life. Or maybe, the effects of being in this space with him simply had a calming effect. Our studio had become more than just the place we practiced our magic. It radiated comfort and positivity, reflecting the energy we projected during our sessions. 

“Why do you hold back?” Loki asked me. I could tell that his thoughts had wondered and his question was likely a continuation of these private musings.

“What do you mean?”

“Last night when your recalled my dagger, you performed an incantation that I did not teach you. Why have you held back during our lessons?”

I shrugged, “To be honest, I had no idea that I was. I didn’t think…I just did it because it felt natural. Sometimes when you do things, I can feel it through our bond. So when I tried the spell, I was just as surprised as you were that it worked. Is that normal?”

Loki shrugged, “I wouldn’t know. It is rarely a mutual privilege.” I could tell that Loki didn’t want to delve too deeply into this for some reason. My initial inclination was to find out why. Then I thought better of it. Pressuring him for more of an answer would only make Loki that much more unwilling to reveal this inner conflict. If it was an issue worth worrying about, I was certain that it would come up again and hopefully at a time where he’d be more inclined to confide in me.

“That doesn’t change the fact that you still aren’t yourself. I can feel how weary you’ve become.” I commented. Whether he was willing to admit it or not, last night’s outburst had left him severely weakened. It was obvious to me in every little thing he did, though more specifically what he didn’t do. I’d grown accustomed to Loki’s mindless tricks of convenience and even for me this absence was jarring. The same way that it had become second nature for me to retrieve objects from pocket dimensions, so too were his numerous shortcuts. “Is there anything I can do to help—“

“No. There’s nothing you can do.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” He answered tersely. Almost in spite of his self-inflicted trauma, Loki was still so full of anger. I didn’t fault him for it, however, that didn’t mean that I was comfortable with it either. In the end, I decided it was best to let him work through his feelings on his own for now. The last thing I wanted was to push him away. “I love you. You know that.” 

“Of course.”

“Then you know that I’m here for you too.”

“Ele, this is nothing that you should concern yourself with—“

“I can sense how angry you are. And I also know how you cope with this kind of anger. You internalize your rage, where it festers until you lash out and make things worse than they already are. I’m not saying that you’re wrong for feeling the way that you do. I’m angry too. All that I am trying to say is that you won’t fix this by doing something even more destructive. Don’t be irrational.” Loki remained silent, although, his silence was telling. I didn’t know exactly what had been running through his mind these last few days, but what I’d seen last night had given me a pretty good idea of where his head was. “You would never keep anything serious from me, would you?”

“Don’t be daft. I share everything with you, whether I wish to or not.”

“I mean it, Loki. It’s not just about the you or me anymore. I need you to be here with _us_. If you do anything that get’s you into serious trouble, there’s nothing I can do to protect you. We have the power to cut toxic people out of our lives when they aren’t good for us. Don’t force me to raise this baby on my own or to live as a fugitive of the law because you couldn’t resist the temptation to take matters into your own hands.” Right away I knew that I’d struck a nerve. While I had his full attention, I interlocked my fingers with his. “Choose us instead of revenge.” 

Reluctantly, Loki leaned into my embrace. “I’ve already made my choice.” 

“You promise?”

“I swear.” With that, he snuck another kiss and continued to caress my growing baby bump. From what I could tell, he was sincere and a cautious sense of relief began to ease the tension that had gathered between us.

“Did you hear that Rae? Daddy chooses us.” 

“We did not agree on that name.” Loki admonished. 

I grinned, “It’s so pretty though—“

“My son is not _pretty_.”

“Well _you’re_ pretty. Why shouldn’t our son get be pretty too? Don’t. Be. Selfish. Loki.” I playfully argued.

“You. Are. Infuriating.” 

“But you love me anyway.” 

“Far more than is rational.”

“Soooo…does that mean you love me enough to fix that burger?”

“You are truly testing my patience, right now.”

“Well done on the grill. Crispy and a little bit charred around the edge. Oh! No cheese. Make sure to add a shit ton of pickles, a touch of mayo, and then a **big** dollop of chunky peanut butter—“

“We don’t even have peanut butter because you **loathe** peanut butter.” Loki grumbled.

“Well I do **most** of the time, but I don’t right now. And I’m certain that the grocery store still has some that they can sell you.” I mentioned, quickly flashing an adorable smiled in the hopes that it would convince him to go through all the trouble of fixing me something different to eat for dinner.

“You. Are. _Actually._ Infuriating.” Nevertheless, Loki still got to his feet.

“But you love me anyway?” 

“Far… **far** more than is rational.”

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I know it's been forever since I last updated. Sorry for the super long wait! Things have been ridiculously busy on my end. Thank you so so much for sticking around to read after all this time. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next one will include actual smut and no teasing. I promise. It's been way too long for them and they deserve to have nice things to compensate for the shit that I routinely put them through. Let me know what you think and I'll try to have another chapter up for you as soon as I can!


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